Upworthy's book GOOD PEOPLE, now available - take a look!

Shop
 Explore 

steven bartlett

Education

Former Secret Service agent reveals 'spy trick' for getting someone to do exactly what you want

It's so subtle, they'll never catch on to what you're doing.

via Matthew Haddix/Flickr and Mart Production/Pexels

Former Secret Service Special agent Evy Poumpouras speaks at a Ted Talk.

In a revealing interview with Steven Bartlett on his “Dairy of a CEO” podcast, former Secret Service Special Agent Evy Poumpouras shared how to get people to do what you want them to do. The key, according to Poumpouras, is to understand what motivates them. Once you know the psychological framework behind what makes them tick, you can persuade them to behave as you like.

Poumpouras is the co-host of Bravo TV’s “Spy Games” competition series and author of “Becoming Bulletproof: Protect Yourself, Read People, Influence Situations, Live Fearlessly.” She served in the Secret Service’s Presidential Protective Division for President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama and protected George W. Bush, Bill Clinton and George H.W. Bush.

Poumpouras says that to get a “good read” on someone, it’s essential to listen.

Former U.S. Secret Service Special Agent Evy Poumpouras shares how to get someone to do what you want

@steven
Former U.S. Secret Service Special Agent Evy Poumpouras shares how to get someone to do what you want 👀 #podcast #podcastclips #stevenbartlett #diaryofaceo #specialagent #secretservice #security #evypoumpouras

The biggest mistake people make is they talk a lot,” Poumpouras said in the video clip. “Steven, if I'm doing all the talking and you're doing all the listening, you're learning everything about me. You're learning about what I care about, my values, my belief systems, getting a good read on me and I'm learning nothing about you.”

The former Secret Service Agent says that you should listen to determine the subject's motivational mindset. Are they motivated by money, sex, admiration, status, freedom, relationships, or safety?

“Everybody's motivated by something different. But I have to hear you and pay attention to you to understand what that is. Everybody's purpose is different,” she continued. “If you give people enough space, they will reveal themselves to you.”

View this post on Instagram
A post shared by Evy Poumpouras (@evypoumpouras)

It’s also a wonderful tactic because your subject will have no idea they are part of a manipulation because they are the ones doing the talking. It’s nearly impossible to give yourself away when you’re sitting in silence.

Understanding what motivates people is essential when protecting the safety of the nation’s most important assets and dealing with shady, dangerous people. However, it can also benefit the layperson by giving us a framework to understand people better. Knowing what motivates someone is very important, whether you’re on a date, in a business deal, or in a leadership role at work.

It’s also very important when raising children or training an animal.

Understanding your personal motivators is also essential for making the best choices in life. It helps us determine which actions will be genuinely beneficial. It’s also a great way to ensure that we are involved with people, organizations, and activities for the right reasons.

Productivity consultant Ashley Janssen says the key to understanding your motives is knowing your values.

"When you know what you value, you can identify how an activity or goal will support and foster those values," Janssen writes. "When you decide to try something, consider whether it’s what you think you should want to do or what someone else has said you should do. Those conditions are often not enough to sustain a behavior or activity. It’s hard to keep moving forward on something that you don’t really care about or are not invested in."

This article originally appeared in June.

From Your Site Articles

psychology

Modern Families

Seth Rogen was asked a question about being childless that men never get. His answer was honest.

It's not for everybody.

Stephen McCarthy/Collision via Sportsfile/Wikimedia Commons

Seth Rogen on stage during the opening night of Collision 2019 at Enercare Center in Toronto, Canada.

Childless women in the public eye are often plagued by the question: “So, why don’t you have any children?” It’s a deeply personal question that cuts right to the bone, and there can be many answers. But, if the woman doesn’t want children and says so publicly, she is bound to face some judgment.

"[I don't] like [the pressure] that people put on me, on women—that you've failed yourself as a female because you haven't procreated. I don't think it's fair," Jennifer Aniston told Allure. "You may not have a child come out of your vagina, but that doesn't mean you aren't mothering—dogs, friends, friends' children."

On the Monday, March 6 episode of “The Diary Of A CEO” podcast, host Steven Bartlett asked actor Seth Rogen about why he’s childless, and it was a rare moment where a man in the public eye was challenged on the topic. Rogen gave a thoughtful explanation for his and Lauren Miller’s decision to be child-free.

Rogen and Miller were married in 2011.

“There's a whole huge thing I'm not doing, which is raising children,” Rogen told Bartlett. The host attempted to play devil’s advocate and asked Rogen if he considered whether having children might have made him and his wife “happier.”

“I don't think it would,” Rogen responded.

Then, as if anticipating the question, the “Pineapple Express” star upended one of the arguments that people who have children often make: that people who don’t have children have no idea what it’s like.

“I've been around obviously a lot of children; I'm not ignorant to what it’s like…Everyone I know has kids. I'm 40, you know? I know,” Rogen said. “Some of my friends have had kids for decades. Some people want kids, some people don't want kids.”

He added that many people seem to have kids without considering the issue.

“I mean, a lot of people have kids before they even think about it, from what I've seen, honestly,” he said. “You just are told, you go through life, you get married, you have kids—it’s what happens.”

Rogen and his wife have only grown stronger in their decision and they believe that it has helped their relationship.

“Now, more than anything, the conversation is like, ‘Honestly, thank God we don’t have children,’” he continued. “We get to do whatever we want.”

“We are in the prime of our lives. We are smarter than we've ever been, we understand ourselves more than we ever have, we have the capacity to achieve a level of work and a level of communication and care for one another, and a lifestyle we can live with one another that we've never been able to live before. And we can just do that, and we don't have to raise a child—which the world does not need right now,” Rogen concluded.

Everyone has the right to choose whether or not to have children, and no one has the right to judge them. Rogen and Miller have thought their decision through and should be applauded for living how they see fit. It’s cool to see Rogen with such a thoughtful opinion on the matter. It’d be even cooler if celebrities never had to discuss the topic in the first place.

This article originally appeared last year.

From Your Site Articles

parenting

Education

Former Secret Service agent shares the spy trick she uses to tell if someone is lying

Reading people is easier than you think.

via Matthew Haddix/Flickr and RDNE Stock project/Pexels

How to tell if someone is lying.

Imagine being able to reliably detect when someone is lying. You could catch your kids in a fib or quickly find out when a used car salesman is trying to pull one over on you. If people could be 100% perfect in determining the truth, it would make the legal system so much easier for everyone involved.

In an interview with Steven Bartlett on his “Dairy of a CEO” podcast, former Secret Service Special Agent Evy Poumpouras shared how she can tell when someone is being dishonest.

Poumpouras is the author of “Becoming Bulletproof: Protect Yourself, Read People, Influence Situations, Live Fearlessly.” She also served in the Presidential Protective Division, working for Barack Obama, George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton, and George W. Bush.

In this TikTok video with over 350,000 views, Poumpouras shares some signs someone is lying and how it’s possible to detect lies.

I asked Former U.S. Secret Service Special Agent Evy Poumpouras how to tell if someone is lying…

@steven
I asked Former U.S. Secret Service Special Agent Evy Poumpouras how to tell if someone is lying… #p#podcastp#podcastclipss#stevenbartlettd#diaryofaceos#specialagents#secretservices#securityevypoumpouras #lying #liar

What are signs someone is lying?

Poumpouras believes the key is to talk to someone for a while to get a “baseline” on their behavior. She used the podcast’s host, Steven Bartlett, as an example. “So if I sit and I speak to someone and the whole time they're speaking, like when you talk, Steven, your hands are usually here. You go on the iPad, you do this. That's your baseline, right? You do a lock, eye contact,” Poumpouras said.

Once she has established a baseline of behavior, she can tell when someone is being deceptive if it suddenly changes.

“This whole time I'm talking to Steven, he's locked in with me. He's got a certain posture. I asked him this question. He just showed me something different,” she said. “And then now I know to be curious… when you're done asking or answering my question, I come in with good follow-up questions. Cause you're showing me something is happening here.”

Once Poumpouras sees a dramatic shift in the subject's body language, she begins to ask some follow-up questions. The key is to be measured and not too pushy during the interrogation. “You don't want to be nosy, but you want to be curious,” she adds.

Poumpouras says you should always trust your gut when you think someone may be lying. “You can figure out who's full of B.S. and who isn't one,” she continued. “You feel it. I think your intuition is a huge thing and we dismiss it.”

On her website, Poumpouras adds another dead giveaway that someone isn’t being honest: if they take a longer time than usual to answer a question. She says that this is part of an F3 response, short for flight-fight-freeze. When some people are placed in situations where they are experiencing high anxiety or sense danger, their response is to freeze and become incommunicative.

“Long pauses or silence after being asked a direct question can be a huge indication of deception,” she wrote. “When the liar doesn’t see the question coming, their F3 kicks in, causing them to freeze as they frantically try to think of what to say or what lie to spin.”

From Your Site Articles

how to know if someone is lying

steven bartlett

Former Secret Service agent reveals 'spy trick' for getting someone to do exactly what you want

It's so subtle, they'll never catch on to what you're doing.

Former U.S. Secret Service Special Agent Evy Poumpouras shares how to get someone to do what you want

Seth Rogen was asked a question about being childless that men never get. His answer was honest.

It's not for everybody.

Former Secret Service agent shares the spy trick she uses to tell if someone is lying

Reading people is easier than you think.

I asked Former U.S. Secret Service Special Agent Evy Poumpouras how to tell if someone is lying…

What are signs someone is lying?

Woman who was pressured to quit her job to raise stepdaughter's baby makes a bold decision

15 hilarious parenting comics that are almost too real

Star neuroscientist Andrew Huberman breaks down two simple exercises to improve vision

Golden Retriever's unbridled excitement over new dog bed is too sweet not to watch

'Wicked' author reveals how one line in 'The Wizard of Oz' inspired Elphaba and Glinda's story

Hospice nurse shares clue she uses to know if someone is dying 6 months before it happens