Upworthy’s book GOOD PEOPLE is coming this year — pre-order now!

Shop
 Explore 

identity

Identity

Rural Texas dad shares what he told his son when they saw a trans woman for the first time

His simple message is an example for all parents.

@oddragon226/TikTok

James Barlow shares his story on TikTok.

A dad is sharing his first encounter with a transgender woman in his small Texas town, and the simple lesson he taught his son is inspiring hope in others.

James Eric Barlow (oddragon226 on TikTok) shared a video from his car describing how he and his son saw a trans woman in real life for the first time. "We all know that there's people that are disgusted whenever they see a trans person," Barlow begins. "And we all know of the people who don't care if they see a trans person.

"But apparently, we're a third type of person (or at least I am, I can't speak for him)," he says, indicating his son in the backseat who chimes in with "I am, too!"

Barlow then goes on to explain how they had just had their first experience with a trans woman. It wasn't anything major—she just walked through a door behind them and Barlow held the door for her, just as he would any other person. He didn't even notice she was trans at first, but once he did, his immediate reaction was one we can all learn from.

"When I tell you how happy it made me," he says, beginning to tear up, "to be able to see somebody be out and open to the world here in small town Texas. You just gotta know how much bravery that takes. Right, Mikey?"

"Hell yeah!" the son agrees.

Barlow wanted to say something to her, but he didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable, either.

"But if you're a trans woman and you came here to the Landmark truck stop in Clyde, Texas, just know we're proud of you," he concludes.

@oddragon226
our first trans woman experience #trans #transwoman #transpeoplearepeople #transrights #translivesnatter

Barlow's video was shared on Reddit, where it's received 37,000 upvotes and a slew of comments that prove parents set the tone for their kids' sense of acceptance.

"Indoctrinate your children with kindness, compassion, consideration and respect for others." - Toddthmpsn

"When I was younger I would get my hair cut by a woman named Liz. She spoke Spanish so it was hard for to understand her English sometimes. My dad spoke Spanish so would translate for her and me. I noticed Liz looked a little different then other women. But I never said anything, I never felt any differently about her. She never scared me, or made me question anything. She was just Liz. As I got older I realized she was a trans woman. And it literally changed nothing. She was still just Liz. Liz was always kind and treated everyone warmly. I havnt seen her in years but I hope she is doing well. I really liked her." - PerplexedPoppy

"This literally happened to me as a child in the 80s. A cashier at a store we visited suddenly started dressing in a feminine style and it appeared that they were transitioning. My mom explained to me in an age appropriate way that sometimes people decide they want to be a man instead of a woman, or a woman instead of a man. She told me that people would probably be mean to the cashier and it was important for us to remember that and always be polite to her, as we would anyway. This was way before trans issues were as mainstream as they are now, but my mom had seen an episode of Phil Donahue where transwoman discussed their stories, and she recognized it as a medical issue. Core memory for me." - ZipCity262

"As a trans woman, im deathly afraid whenever I have to go to rural areas. I can instantly feel physical tension when I walk into a gas station or a restaurant in these areas. Thank you for being supportive. Trans people need you now more than ever." – rainbow_lenses

It really is a simple matter to accept people as they are and treat all humans with dignity, kindness and respect, even if we don't fully understand them. And as this dad and son show, it's a simple matter to demonstrate non-judgmental acceptance in front of our kids so they hopefully will grow up without being bound by chains of bigotry they'll later have to learn to unload.

This article originally appeared on 7.7.23

From Your Site Articles

humanity

Identity

In praise of morning birds

Every morning, when the windows of my house are raised, I remember how much of a gift it is to be alive together.

Photo by Mark Olsen on Unsplash

gray and white bird on tree branch during daytime

On the day I heard my grandmother laugh so deep and so precious it made my stomach quake, I am sitting on the edge of my wooden kitchen table, staring out the window as the sun beats against the seals. The morning is hot, a bit of the southern stuffiness that happens in Georgia during the summer months, and the wind blows pages out of order as they sit on the table. Just a few moments ago, I am pouring my coffee into my dinner mug, setting it on the table, raising the windows a bit so that the warm breeze can enter my house. Ten minutes later, the red mug that I got from the bookstore some months ago is empty, the contents of the cup have warmed my insides. I close my ends. I take three long, deep breaths in. I take three long, deep breaths out.

And I hear the sound of morning birds.

I have made it a practice of late to raise the windows in the morning time to be greeted by their song. The chirping, swift, sharp and high-pitched echoes from one bird to another. For a few seconds, I pause, gazing upward from the green grass to the trees that sway in the distance. For a few seconds, I pause long enough to notice that no one bird interrupts the others. Each bird, one by one, makes a noise and then another and then another. My grandmother told me that when birds sing, if you listen close enough, you can tell that their melodies are never drawn out. It doesn’t take much to be heard, I guess. In one simple sound, overheard through the glass window, their presence is felt in my world. There is no pressure. There is no stage. There is no timeline. There is only a small animal doing what it has been created to do, reminding me that in life, I too take up space and whatever space I crave in this world is enough to make another pause and pay attention.

This reminds me, strangely enough, of the times as children where we would be in the church on Sunday mornings. For us, children of the black rural South, Sunday mornings were much like Friday nights around time. See, on Friday, the days the town would shut down because of high school football games in the fall, hardly anything moved. As the football time made their way to the altar between the lines, the miracle was the fact that under these lights even the most public of failure demanded intentional presence. Mothers, fathers, cousins and friends would make their way to the bleachers to experience what could only be called “baptism”—experience being enveloped by the simple yet powerful gaze of the body’s movement under pressure. That moment, much like Sundays at church, feels divine and sacred, I guess. Or maybe that’s too much. I do know that from a child, both Fridays and Sundays made such an impression that I too ran up and down the field; I too ran up and down the church.

I don’t think I know the age of birds or even if, from their perspective, their songs are sung again and again, but I do know that every morning, when the windows of my house are raised, I remember how much of a gift it is be alive together.

woman in red white and blue plaid shirt smoking cigarettePhoto by NATHAN MULLET on Unsplash

I called my grandmother a few days ago and asked her if she remembered the time she, sitting on the porch a few weeks ago, told me about the solace she has found by being wrapped in the silence. Every morning, like me or me like her, she makes her coffee, says her prayers, read her Bible and then sits on the porch. “Do you like think or you just sit,” I asked her, wondering if we were more alike than I remembered. “I just sit,” she said. “I remember how as kids, we would just love to come on the porch and sit and listen to the birds.” I asked her if she still does this. She said yes. “I love it,” she told me. “Ohhhhhh, I do.”

A few months ago, after having sat on the porch for years with my grandaddy, sharing laughs and coffee along with the sound of birds and the cool South Carolina breeze that would touch their cheeks, grandma said her final goodbyes to him. That moment too was wrapped in silence. Grandaddy had dementia. Every time I saw him, at least for the last few years, he repeated the same story over and over, again and again, until I got proficient at telling the story to him before he started talking. “There was El Paso, Texas,” I would say. “And then there was the poetry,” I would say. “And then …. Let me see …” At that moment, he would laugh, pop me three times in my chest with the black side of his hand, before giving me the type of hug that was gestured by one minute of heavy laughter. “You on the good foot,” he would ask, mimicking James Brown the best way he could. “Of course grandaddy,” I would say. “You already know.”

That morning, the morning coronavirus made his heart beat faster than my legs ever ran on the football field or across the floors of the church, and then ultimately making it beat so hard that it finally gave way to a singular line, grandma looked at his body, clothed in the white gown with blue streaks, through the glass barrier. She could not touch him. She could not kiss him. She could not touch the top of his head nor grasps the depths of his feet. The next time that would happen: the day of the funeral. I’ll never forget that day or the sound or the picture of her rough hands touching him and sitting as still as the trees that surround their house. I’ll never forget it.

I’ll also never forget that afternoon, the house smelling like perfume, chicken, sweet potato pie and grief, the moments grandma and I shared on the porch. We didn’t say much. We just sat there. Together. Cars lined the concrete road, dirt and rocks mixed; loud voices were heard faintly through the shut door. Her hands rested in her lap. She still had on the two-piece suit she wore to the funeral. Blue, with a white blouse, the pink flower resting on the left side of her chest.

The dawn chorus is said to be the song of blackbirds, robins, Eurasian wrens and chaffinches. It is said to mark the magical beginnings of a new day. It is said that it is an explosion of life bursting out of the Earth that makes the heart leap. It is said that whether you are in the city or in the country that you can hear this sound. It is said that this sound is most noticeable in spring.

crowd of people inside room dancing while watching person singingPhoto by James Barr on Unsplash

Well, grandma said when she sits on the porch every morning, she hears less and less birds singing. I guess she meant that with grandaddy being gone, the birds are lot less happy like her and that like Toni Morrison’s Shalimar in "Song of Solomon," grandaddy has learned how to fly and has found his rest. I guess when she said that less birds are around and then started talking about climates changing, she was talking about our lack of pausing to care for the Earth and noticing how things so precious aren’t around anymore. I guess she was saying that we too are like the birds, we have survived so much and have found a way to greet each other in the morning with something that makes the heart softer. I guess she didn’t mean any of that, but to remind me the power of our presence together in grief: it weds what we lost to what we remember and lets us know that so much love remains.

The birds of the morning turn a song into a memory, an ordinary porch into an altar. What else can we give to one another in these moments of sadness but something that reminds each other that there are two of us here? What else can we give to one another but the assurance that stories don’t always when bad things happen?

The birds greeted me this morning. My windows were up. Grandma sat on the porch. We sipped coffee together.

Disney had a racially diverse (and deaf) mermaid long before Halle Bailey's 'controversial' casting

Even 30 years ago, not all mermaids looked the same.

YouTube

A real talk about fictional mermaids is apparently needed.

Fellow millennials, do you remember that glorious time period in the early '90s when our favorite Disney movies had their own cartoon series? They even had some pretty Marvel-worthy crossovers, like when Hercules ended up meeting Jafar and Aladdin had a run-in with Hades in the same episode. Good times.

“The Little Mermaid” was included in this movie-turned-series line-up. And during its run, the spin-off show introduced Gabriela, a racially diverse and deaf mermaid. Yes, as it turns out—Disney has always imagined it to be diverse under the sea.

Ariel first meets Gabriela and her octopus companion (an ASL interpreter) Ollie in an episode titled “Wish Upon a Starfish." The character, described as Latina on Disney Wiki, was based on a real young girl who loved the original film but tragically passed away at the age of 2 of leukemia.

You can check out their first encounter below.

Yes, that is the voice of Jodi Benson (the original Ariel) singing.

The two mermaids become fast friends and, as the episode’s title suggests, later they both get to make a wish. Gabriela shared her desire to be able to sing to “express her feelings,” which she learned she could already do through signing. The '90s were a great time for episodes ending with an upbeat moral.

Though it could be argued that Disney has had its fair share of virtue signaling in the past, it does often advocate for representation in authentic ways, as it did by introducing Gabriela.

And yet, despite having a well-known reputation for inclusiveness, Disney’s casting choice of singer Halle Bailey as Ariel in the live action remake of “The Little Mermaid” has, as so many diverse reimaginings do, been on the receiving end of racist backlash.

The comments have run particularly rampant since the official teaser trailer was released. In only two days, the video received more than 1.5 million dislikes and the inception of the hashtag #NotMyAriel.

Some have claimed that having an actress that isn't identifiable white strays too far from the original Danish story, which is pretty mind-boggling considering Hans Christian Andersen’s original little mermaid had no name to begin with, had no major physical descriptions other than “soft and tender skin” and deep blue eyes and, let’s just say, she definitely did not live happily ever after with the prince.

Another complaint is that Ariel’s signature bold red hair from the '90s (which has been significantly toned down in Halle Bailey’s look) is a must-have trait. This was certainly not a creative choice on Andersen’s part. We mostly have 1984’s “Splash” to thank for that. As PopSugar explains, Disney animators changed Ariel’s hair from blonde to red in an attempt to stand out from Darryl Hannah’s iconic role of Madison.

In other words, Disney already strayed from the “original” story. Why can’t it be tweaked again? Make it make sense, please.

There are some even more bonkers arguments swimming around out there, such as “Daily Wire” host Matt Walsh claiming that “from a scientific perspective, it doesn't make a lot of sense to have someone with darker skin who lives deep in the ocean.” Whether or not this was, as Walsh later commented, to be a form of satire, it’s hard to not see it as founded in racism more than anything else.

Considering the apparent lack of logic and unbridled outrage over this fictional character, it’s hard not to see any of the backlash to the latest “My Little Mermaid” as anything other than thinly veiled racism. One group of critics went as far as to share a digitally altered version of the teaser featuring a white woman instead of Halle Bailey, who they called a "woke actress."

Disney established the existence of dark-skinned mermaids as canon decades ago, and folklore throughout the world existed centuries before that. Plain and simple. Besides, the joyful reactions that kids are having to Bailey’s Ariel show firsthand why representation matters. The story, and the character, still have plenty of magic to offer everyone. Nothing is lost through more inclusion.

I for one hope they make even more changes to the story. Like maybe not sending young girls the message to literally prioritize their looks over their voice … or sign contracts without reading them.

From Your Site Articles

identity

Pop Culture

From Kitt to Kravitz–how actresses of color are claiming Catwoman for Black feminism

Wikipedia

Cover of "Catwoman: Nine Lives of a Feline Fatale."

Selina Kyle, aka Catwoman, is a quintessential Batman villain … slash accomplice … slash on-again-off-again love interest. But outside of her relationship status with Bruce Wayne, Catwoman is a fascinating character in her own right.

Agile, clever, dangerous, independent—selfish even—yet still a consistent champion for the disenfranchised. She has no loyalty to the status quo and plays by her own rules. She never really needs a hero, because she acts as her own savior.

the batman Cover of "Catwoman #59" by Adam Hughs upload.wikimedia.org

She has all these fascinating layers, and as a Catwoman fan I find it tragic that often in film adaptations, this character is portrayed in one of two ways: either as a sex object or as a foil to the main (male) hero.

However, two actresses of color—Zoë Kravitz and Eartha Kitt before her—transcend the tropes and embody Catwoman’s essential qualities, each in their own distinctly masterful way. Because of their boldness, Catwoman is not only a more dynamic character, she’s a compelling symbol for Black female empowerment.

To geek out a little further on the subject, I spoke with Jamie Broadnax of Black Girl Nerds, a blog turned multimedia outlet that explores all things at “the intersection of geek culture and Black feminism.” Who better to team up with, right?

black girl nerds Jamie Brodnax.Photo of Jamie Broadnax, used with permission

Together, we explored the social impact both Kitt and Kravitz portrayal had on everyone’s favorite feline fatale.

(For the sake of this article, we’ll just pretend that one "Catwoman" movie never existed. Though I still stand for Halle Berry.)

When Eartha Kitt became the first black Catwoman back in 1967, she knew its importance. Her daughter Kitt Shapira told Closer Weekly:

“I was about nine years old when she played Catwoman on Batman, and that was a really big deal. This was 1967, and there were no women of color at that time wearing skintight bodysuits, playing opposite a white male with sexual tension between them! She was one of the first really beautiful black women — her, Lena Horne, Dorothy Dandridge — who were allowed to be sexy without being stereotyped. It does take a village, but I do think she helped blaze a trail.”

Tv Show Vintage GIFGiphy

And blaze she did. Eartha Kitt purred her way into legend, giving the character an iconic voice, feline mannerisms and downright fierce femininity. Whenever she came on screen, it felt like something between edgy performance art and a civil rights protest.

In one particular Batman episode titled “Catwoman's Dressed to Kill,” the character infiltrates a posh luncheon ceremony filled with white socialites, ready to give Batgirl an award for being the best dressed crime fighter. But Catwoman ain’t having it.

Gesturing to the table of white female socialites, she hisses “You ladies, with your fancy hairdos, what do you know about beauty?” before throwing dust that explodes and turns their hair into afros.” It was a pretty radical way to comment on white-leaning beauty standards, if you ask me.

Before Eartha, the role was played by the famously “statuesque” Julie Newmar. And though Newmar gave a wonderfully wistful, slinky innocence to the role, there is something about Kitt’s portrayal that feels more pivotal. More important.

Like Newmar, Kitt definitely had sex appeal, but in a way that empowered other Black women to see themselves in the same light.

Jamie Broadnax:

“Eartha Kitt molded Catwoman into a sex symbol, which was certainly appealing for the time. She served a purpose of being a beautiful antagonist for Batman, while Batman was conflicted himself with her beauty and was enamored by it. Eartha Kitt also allowed Black women like me to see themselves reflected in TV shows (especially genre TV shows) that allowed us to believe that we, too, can be Catwoman. It's also because of Kitt's Catwoman that many Black women felt comfortable cosplaying as the character.“

Fast forward to 2022, and now Zoë Kravitz is getting acclaim for her equally striking version of Selina Kyle. Everyone from Taylor Swift to OG Catwomans (Catwomen?) Halle Berry, Anne Hathaway and Michelle Pfieffer have sent their heartfelt praises.

This Catwoman is sexually fluid, stealthy AF, resourceful and cunning, with charisma and depth. Like Kitt before her, Kravitz offers an emotional equal to Robert Pattinson’s Batman. It makes for some fantastic viewing, even to those who could care less about The Batman and his conquests.

Robert Pattinson Couple GIF by The BatmanGiphy

Broadnax adds:

“She's fully fleshed out and gives proper motive for her actions in a way we haven't seen before. By that I mean, she's not a self-serving anti-hero as depicted in other films, but instead is more of a heroine to those close within her sphere of influence.”

This might seem like a small feat for Kravitz, who is no stranger to producing great work. But keep in mind: Even an A-list, award-winning actress like Kravitz, born into celebrity, still faces obstacles because of the color of her skin.

In an interview with The Guardian, Kravitz revealed that she had previously been refused a chance to audition for a role in "The Dark Knight Rises" for being too “urban.”

Previously, sources thought Kravitz wasn’t allowed to audition for the role of Catwoman (which went to Anne Hathaway). That has since been proven untrue, but even if it were, considering that Catwoman only appeared for a total of 19 minutes in “The Dark Knight Rises,” I’d say it was a blessing in disguise.

Taking the blatant racism aside, as a comic book nerd, this is just mind-boggling. Have you seen Gotham? That’s about as urban as it gets. But I digress. It’s an insidious and ugly word that Hollywood has been allowed to hide behind for far too long. Plain and simple.

Kravitz added, “Being a woman of color and being an actor and being told at that time that I wasn’t able to read because of the color of my skin, and the word urban being thrown around like that, that was what was really hard about that moment.”

For Kravitz to not only play the role, but to shine in it, helps other Black women see that times are changing. Not saying they’re changing fast enough, but still. Once again Catwoman has become a role model for confidence and power. For those who are often lacking positive representation, this can be vital.

See on Instagram

What will be next for Catwoman? The future is still unwritten. Broadnax and I both agreed that when it comes to Kravitz, we’re hoping for a standalone series. But either way, because of the courage of trailblazing performers, Catwoman will be forever changed. She may be considered a nemesis to Batman, but when it comes to Black feminism, she’s a hero.

By the way, if you’d like to see Jamie Broadnax's full review on "The Batman," you’re in luck! That can be found here.

From Your Site Articles

The World Health Organization's latest update is a big win for trans people — and science.

We're learning a lot more about gender.

The World Health Organization recently announced a big change to its International Classification of Diseases database, and that's good news for trans people.

The ICD is a centuries-old catalog tracking pretty much every medical condition you could possibly think of. With the release of its 11th edition, the WHO moved gender incongruence — the diagnostic term applied to trans people — from the catalog's mental health section to its new home under sexual health conditions.

In a video explaining the decision to reclassify the condition, Dr. Lale Say, the coordinator of the WHO's Department of Reproductive Health and Research, explains that recent discoveries helped inform the action.

GIF from World Health Organization/YouTube.

"It was taken out from mental health disorders because we had [a] better understanding that this wasn't actually a mental health condition, and leaving it there was causing stigma," she said. "So in order to reduce the stigma while also ensuring access to necessary health interventions, this was placed into a different chapter."

The WHO's official press release states that "evidence is now clear that it is not a mental disorder." In other words, there are specific medical needs associated with being transgender, so it didn't make sense to eliminate the diagnosis from the ICD completely. Exclusion from the ICD altogether could have resulted in trans people not being able to access things like hormone therapies and other transition-related care.

WHO's move echoes that of other medical organizations that have come out in support of trans people in recent years.

As WHO's release says, it is clear that being trans is not a mental disorder. Still, there's a strong misconception that persists. In 2014, the American Psychiatric Association updated its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) classification for trans people. What was once called "gender identity disorder" was updated to "gender dysphoria." Why the change? It's actually pretty similar to WHO's rationale:

"DSM-5 aims to avoid stigma and ensure clinical care for individuals who see and feel themselves to be a different gender than their assigned gender. It replaces the diagnostic name 'gender identity disorder' with 'gender dysphoria,' as well as makes other important clarifications in the criteria. It is important to note that gender nonconformity is not in itself a mental disorder. The critical element of gender dysphoria is the presence of clinically significant distress associated with the condition."

In 2014, the American Medical Association issued a resolution urging states to allow trans people to update identifying documents like birth certificates. The following year, they stated that there is "no medically valid reason to exclude transgender individuals" from the military (a call they renewed in light of President Trump's trans military ban). In 2016, they called on insurance companies to cover transition-related health care as they would any other medically necessary treatment. In 2017, the AMA came out against the use of so-called bathroom bills meant to prevent trans people from "accessing basic human services and public facilities in line with one’s gender identity, including, but not limited to, the use of restrooms."

Groups like the American Psychological Association, the American Association of Family Physicians, the National Association of Social Workers (whose position is gender dysphoria should be removed from the DSM entirely), the American Public Health Association, the National Commission on Correctional Health Care, and the World Professional Association for Transgender Health have all come out in favor providing affirming care for trans people.

The logo of the World Health Organization outside its headquarters in Geneva, Switzerland. Photo by Fabrice Coffrini/AFP/Getty Images.

The idea that trans people simply have a "mental disorder" is misleading and inaccurate.

Mental health is a fraught topic in the U.S., and the stigma surrounding it leads to some unfortunate misconceptions. Some may see the words "mental health" and conclude that whatever the problem is, it's all in a person's head and doesn't stem from a physical or biological origin. Of course, that's not the case. The same is true of being transgender.

People hold gay pride (forefront) and trans pride (background) flags during a pride parade in Bratislava, Slovakia. Photo by Samuel Kubani/AFP/Getty Images.

The data is there to prove it. In 2014, writer Brynn Tannehill published an article defending the biological origins of gender dysphoria. Tannehill was writing in response to an article published by Fox News in which the author argued that transgender people simply didn't exist. Tannehill's rebuttal was jam-packed with data — citing 15 different studies supporting the idea that there is a biological basis to being transgender.

The science clearly favors one side: the side that believes trans people are who they say they are, the side that believes trans people should have access to medical care and legal protections against discrimination.

You may be asking yourself what this means for your everyday life. The answer: probably nothing, especially if you're not trans.

Being trans means having your existence and your identity constantly put up for debate. As someone who is trans, I know this well. It's exhausting, and too often, people will try to dispute my own existence (or the validity of it, at least) by citing "science." The truth is that it's just recently that "science" is coming to strong conclusions about trans people — and these new findings dispute the anti-trans arguments.

7-year-old transgender boy Jacob Lemay at his house in Melrose, Massachusetts, in 2017. At this age, there is no medical component to his transition, just social. Photo by Jewel Samad/AFP/Getty Images.

For decades, much of what we knew about gender dysphoria and its origins was based solely on a handful of imperfect studies put out by just a handful of imperfect researchers. Many of their dated, harmful, and highly disputed findings foster stigma that still exists today. The importance of groups like the World Health Organization, the American Psychiatric Association, and the American Medical Association taking affirmative stands in support of trans people is that it reflects a better understanding of who trans people are and the evolving science around the issue.

We exist. It's science.

Watch this short video from the WHO explaining this update to the ICD.

A food writer shared a neat cooking tip, but got a flood of hate and mockery in return.

On Twitter, New Yorker food writer Helen Rosner shared a secret for making roast chicken — a hair dryer.

Stuck inside on a snow day, Rosner shared a photo of the process she uses to remove moisture from a chicken before roasting it: a bit of time under her hair dryer. It might seem unconventional, but it's actually a well-established method for getting the skin perfectly crispy.

Sadly, the internet didn't seem to know this — or care.

— (@)

Some of the responses got a bit rude, which led Rosner to write an article titled, "Yes, I use a hair dryer to make roast chicken — here's the recipe" to clarify a few things.

She explained to me what bothered her a bit about the responses, something many writers can relate to, saying, "I took a picture of the process and posted it to Twitter, where people were, in roughly even groups, thrilled or repulsed by the sight of a beauty appliance in the kitchen. There was, in particular, no shortage of men (why is it always men?) sneering at my incompetence."

She continues, "'This is what your oven is for,' a few said, apparently thinking that I was using the dryer not to dry the chicken but to cook it. They lingered on my choice of hair dryer—the Dyson Supersonic, a futuristic-looking device that is, at four hundred dollars, absurdly expensive. (It’s also inarguably better than any other blow-dryer I’ve tried, though whether its uptick in quality is worth the several-hundred-dollar premium is a private matter between a person and her credit card.) And they commented on my sparkly pink manicure—maybe, if I’d wanted the tweet to read as an Alton Brown-calibre kitchen hack, instead of ditzy prop comedy, I should’ve gone for unvarnished nails and a hairier knuckle."

Rosner's story (which came with a recipe that looks absolutely delicious) was meant to quiet the trolls and clear up some misconceptions, but seemed to only result in more hate being thrown her way. Michael Harriot at The Root called the dish "the whitest thing on the internet" in an unrelentingly cruel blog post. Alexandra Deabler's Fox News article emphasized the cost of Rosner's dryer, as did Danielle Fowler's write-up at Yahoo.

Rosner spoke with me about the bizarre backlash to the totally innocuous food tip, sharing a bit of her thoughts on what it's like to be a woman writing on the internet.

The internet, for all the good it does, can enable what's known as "context collapse." Details get left out, facts get blurred, and words get twisted in ways they otherwise shouldn't.

In Rosner's case, some of the backlash seemed to be from people who thought she was recommending everyone go out and drop $400 on a blow-dryer, or else they mistakenly thought she was suggesting that you should actually use the blow-dryer to cook the chicken (please do not try to cook an entire chicken with a blow-dryer; it will not work and you could get sick).

None of that was true, but it's the new normal in an age where everything posted to the internet has the potential to become content.

Helen Rosner. Photo courtesy of Helen Rosner.

"Ideas get divorced from the people expressing them, and often knowing who's saying something can help you know how to judge the idea," she says. "When headlines in the NY Post or on Yahoo Lifestyle say things like 'Woman Uses a Hair Dryer to Cook Chicken,' even looking past the fact that I don't use the dryer to cook the damn chicken, by stripping out the context of who the hell this woman is, you open a door for the reader to immediately jump to skepticism and judgment. They could've gone with 'food writer uses a hair dryer to cook chicken' (or hell, 'award-winning food writer' also works) and then the reader response is tempered by position expertise."

To that last point, Rosner clarifies that she shouldn't have to be a highly credentialed food writer in order to share a cool tip without a flood of mockery being sent her way. The desire to pick other people apart over the tiniest things, such as how they make their roast chicken, has become a core part of internet culture, and it's not good for us.

— (@)

At first Rosner was reluctant to respond to some of the harsher criticism, but then she noticed something.

She was irritated, understandably, by some of the inaccuracies pushed by her critics. At first she chalked it up to ignorance, but then she realized that some of her harshest critics knew exactly what they were doing.

"I saw a lot of people responding to that post by calling it sexist, and something clicked for me," she told me. "I'd been scrambling around trying to get strangers on the internet to understand that they were misreading or misrepresenting what the technique actually involved, and that actually I'm not full of shit, but the truth is — they just didn't care. They didn't want to be accurate; they just wanted to feign outrage. And so, so, so much of that outrage was really starkly gendered — the way that we, as a culture, assume that men know what they're talking about, but if the person speaking isn't a man, there's no such thing as the benefit of the doubt."

— (@)

She wonders how different the response might have been had the person posting the original tweet were a guy. The fact that celebrity chefs like Alton Brown have been promoting this technique for years without outrage probably gives us an answer to that question.

"There's some kind of perfect synthesis in there of my own femininity, the femininity of a hair dryer as an appliance, and the perceived frivolousness of a feminine-coded appliance costing a few hundred dollars," she says. "So much of the response to this basically boiled down to 'Look at this ditzy lady doing a stupid thing,' which is just plain incorrect. What I did was really smart and has a lot of science behind it — it works, and it works well. You're gonna respond to a tested, vetted, effective technique — one that uses tools you probably already have in your home — with knee-jerk sexist mockery? At the end of the day, I don't think I'm the one who looks stupid here."

There are some important lessons in all of this about the internet, unconscious bias, assumptions, and empathy.

It's easy to jump to assumptions, whether it's assuming a woman on the internet with a blow-dryer doesn't know what she's doing when it comes to chicken or making snap judgments about other people's personal experiences. Those assumptions lead us to build up fictionalized versions of the people we see and we can come off cruel in the process. Ordinary context clues that you might be able to pick up from in-person conversations are lost behind keyboards.

We could all benefit from taking a few deep breaths and asking ourselves whether there's a possibility that we don't have all the information needed to offer an opinion on a topic and whether we really need to give someone doing something — like, say, offering a tip for cooking chicken — such a hard time about it?

Family

These gorgeous portraits of badass, body-positive burlesque dancers are a must-see.

Trend after trend comes and goes, but one thing that seems to remain timelessly classic is burlesque’s retro glamour.

No matter the event, if you want to turn heads without adorning yourself in recent trends, retro glam is it. And who else does it with more va-va-VOOM and straight-up sex appeal than burlesque artists?

While retro glam may be the classic dress code, many curvy burlesque performers are making the art new and exciting. Take "nerdlesque," for example, in which the performers celebrate their love of different fandoms like Star Wars, Harry Potter, and Doctor Who. Others are using the stage to make a political statement and queering the craft by centering LGBTQ identities.

Burlesque is one of the few art forms where the public embraces curves rather than fights against them.

While fatphobia and racism still exist in the burlesque community, brilliant art is being created from a variety of marginalized groups in a way that's easy to consume, even for the less enlightened.

Burlesque is more than just gorgeous outfits and fun music. Burlesque allows the artists to toy with sensuality, sexuality, humor, raw emotion, politics, and pop culture all in one. Need another reason to love it? Here are 17. Check out these incredible curvy and plus-size burlesque artists that you need to know.

1. Magnoliah Black

A post shared by Irene McCalphin (@magnoliahblack) on Jan 23, 2017 at 9:46am PST

Jill-of-all-trades Magnoliah Black is the queer performance star that the world doesn’t know it desperately needs. The Southern-born, Bay Area-based artist sings and dances as well as being a devastatingly brilliant writer, potent healer, and much needed black and fat activist.

2. Harlow Holiday

Photo by Sweetheart Pinup, used with permission.

Harlow Holiday, an indigenous performance artist based in Syracuse, brings her own gorgeous brand of glamour to the stage.

3. Noella DeVille

A post shared by Noella DeVille (@noella_deville) on Feb 6, 2018 at 3:28pm PST

Ohio-based burlesque performer Noella DeVille knows how to entertain! From glamour to nerd, DeVille delves into pop culture references and creates a gorgeously exciting and entertaining show for all.

4 and 5. Keena ButtahLove and Sepia Jewel

[rebelmouse-image 19346697 dam="1" original_size="558x595" caption="Photo by Vixen Photography, used with permission." expand=1]Photo by Vixen Photography, used with permission.

San Diego’s premiere plus size Burlesque queen ButtahLove hosts a must-see revue. In this photo, the luminescent burlesque stars Keena ButtahLove and Sepia Jewel (co-hosts of the podcast Showgirl Sunday Dinner) shine together. Do not miss their incredible podcast!

6. Rosie Bourgeoisie

A post shared by 💗Rosie Bourgeoisie/Genderfck🦄🌸 (@rosie.bourgeoisie) on Mar 12, 2018 at 11:35am PDT

Burlesque artist Rosie Bourgeoisie sweeps Quebecois stages in Montreal in a flurry of style and queer sensuality. For a combination of modern queer meets glorious retro kitsch, it’s hard to beat Bourgeoisie.

7. Ms. Briq House

A post shared by Ms.Briq House (@ms.briqhouse) on Nov 3, 2017 at 8:03pm PDT

Ms. Briq House creates POC-centered and unapologetically black entertainment in the Pacific Northwest. Check out the all-POC burlesque revue: The Sunday Night Shuga Shaq.

8. Mila Macabre

A post shared by Mila Macabre (@milamacabre) on Sep 27, 2017 at 1:58pm PDT

Saskatoon artist Mila Macabre brings gorgeously bold colors and sparkles to life on stage. Off-stage, the Romani dancer brings glamour into the lives of clients as a permanent makeup artist.

9. Moonbow Brite

A post shared by Moonbow Brite (@moonbowbrite) on Oct 9, 2017 at 1:46pm PDT

SoCal performer Moonbow Brite is a beam of color in a dark night. Seriously — she’s awesome. Her dayglo energy radiates from stage and beyond as Moonbow dances for her audiences.

10. Rosie Reigns

A post shared by Rosie Reigns (@rosiereigns) on Jan 8, 2017 at 8:10pm PST

The self-proclaimed "Lioness of the South Bay," Rosie Reigns creates playfully sexy vignettes flavored with retro glamour and her great sense of humor — like this homage to Hilda!

11. Saffron St. James

A post shared by Saffron St. James (@neologisms) on Apr 22, 2017 at 2:49pm PDT

Ottawa’s "Hoursglass and A Half." A writer, photographer, and musician, Canadian-based St. James produces the "Cabaret LIVE!" show.

12. Mone’t Ha-Sidi

A post shared by Mone't Ha-Sidi (@nizzneyland) on Aug 18, 2017 at 12:48pm PDT

Mone’t Ha-Sidi owns the room with her energetic (and amazing) Mr. T performance. Based in Sacramento, this hairstylist by day, stripper by night can be found also supporting local artists with Black Artists Matter and Jezebelle’s Army.

13. Kitty Devereaux

A post shared by Kitty Devereaux (@kitty_devereaux) on Dec 8, 2017 at 8:24pm PST

Philly-based Kitty Devereaux is changing burlesque. As the mama bear and co-producer of Sister Bear Burlesque, Devereaux is helping queer the idea of burlesque one stage at a time.

14. Catty Wompass

A post shared by Jules Wood (@misscattywompass) on Apr 24, 2017 at 2:33pm PDT

Iowa City’s Catty Wompass is a poet and academic in the world-renowned Iowa Writer’s Workshop by day and queer burlesque artist with a love of retro kitsch and camp by night. Don’t miss her Mrs. Potatohead routine or her heartachingly beautiful poetry.

15. Dottie Lux

A post shared by DottieLux (@dottielux) on Dec 1, 2017 at 9:56am PST

San Francisco’s Dottie Lux has taken many forms, but the most important is that of a lesbian burlesque faerie godmother hostessing many events throughout the Bay Area. As part of a collective of 18 queer activists, Lux has helped save San Francisco’s iconic gay bar STUD, making it a safe place for queer folks of all identities.

16. Mx. Pucks A’Plenty

A post shared by Mx. Pucks A'Plenty (@pucksaplenty) on Dec 27, 2017 at 8:43pm PST

Seattle-based queer burlesque performer Mx. Pucks A’Plenty toys with gender as they light up the room from on stage.

17. Miss Meow

A post shared by Yael Perez-Miss Meow Burlesque (@yaelkitten) on Feb 10, 2018 at 7:45am PST

Montreal’s Miss Meow is the cat’s pajamas. This Canadian cutie commands the stage with a beautiful retro look that is not to be missed.

This article by Laurel Dickman originally appeared on Ravishly and has been republished with permission.

More from Ravishly:

From Your Site Articles

Mom shares underwear pics to show how she learned to love her body after three kids. - Upworthy ›