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James Anthony hadn't eaten a carb in a decade. Then he started eating whatever he wanted.

"I had this realization I needed to confront the tumultuous relationship I had with my body for my entire life," Anthony, the founder and editor-in-chief of Riot Bear, explains in an email.

He ended up gaining 60 pounds. He never felt better.

Anthony loved his bigger frame. "I felt more like myself taking up a larger space in the crowd," he says. Finally, for the first time in his life, he felt liberated from the chains of body dysmorphia and dieting.

James Anthony, the founder of Riot Bear. Photo courtesy of Riot Bear.

Anthony began chronicling his story in a fashion blog he launched in 2007. It featured self-portraits and personal stories reflecting his experiences in a new body. People started paying attention. Before long, he found himself with a group of fans and followers.

Realizing his story was resonating, Anthony wanted to help others share theirs, too. His blog evolved from one that told his own story to one reflecting the experiences of many. Riot Bear was born.

Riot Bear is a body-positive online community for men of all sizes, ages, colors, and identities in the LGBTQ community.

Model Tanner Jordan. Photo by Paul Lowe, courtesy of Riot Bear.

The platform is about fashion and style first and foremost, Anthony says. But that's only one component.

Model Jonathan Dorado. Photo by Paul Lowe, courtesy of Riot Bear.

“Behind every great look is a story and a journey," Anthony explains. "Style is about expressing the essence of who you are and where you're going."

The website, run by Anthony, features photo series and Q&As with its diverse models who challenge gender norms through their styles and stories. On Riot Bear, men open up about their battles with mental illness, gender fluidity, career highs and lows, and greatest insecurities (and accomplishments) through personal essays.

"For us, real male body types are not a trend."

"I stopped desiring who I couldn’t have and began envisioning what I truly want in a partner. I quit smoking cigarettes, I ended my blog, I started my own business, I made new amazing friends, I started flirting, I did yoga, I learned how to meditate, I cleared my room of junk, I took a much needed social media sabbatical." - Riot Bear model Manulani. Photo courtesy of Riot Bear.

Riot Bear empowers a community of men who've typically been overlooked and slighted elsewhere in the media.

Despite recent historic progress on LGBTQ rights and inclusivity, queer men are still overcoming homophobia and transphobia's deep-rooted and systemic scarring. They're more likely to live with depression, body dysmorphia, and eating disorders. They're also more likely to attempt suicide.

In a media landscape too often blanketed with white, straight, cisgender men with chiseled six-packs, millions of LGBTQ men feel excluded.

Riot Bear is changing the narrative, Anthony says, by giving those in their community a safe space to live openly and proudly. Fashion serves as a terrific medium to express that vulnerability and empowerment.

"Nothing is sexier than a scruffy guy fully in touch with the irony and joy of being feminine," Anthony says.

"Style is really about confidence, it's about not giving a fuck what people think. Style to me means power, it's liberty — it's a call to march to the beat of your own drum." — Riot Bear model Aki Choklat. Photo by Isaac Emmons, courtesy of Riot Bear.

"We love that we can wrap up our models in silk, rhinestones, and pearls. That juxtaposition is what we live for. A dude with a belly in a Gucci cardigan. Perfection."

Model Milo Evans. Photo by Paul Lowe, courtesy of Riot Bear.

Riot Bear isn't just for its models, though. The platform's greater impact can help spur change for men everywhere.

Through its photos and stories, Riot Bear aims to fight the forces of toxic masculinity — the expectation that guys should to be emotionally detached, violent, and sexually aggressive to be "real" men. It's an attitude that ends up hurting everyone, regardless of sexual orientation or gender, says Anthony.

"Earlier in my life, being tall helped me in standing up for people who were bullied, as well as avoid any type of threat from bullies myself. You know it can be awful growing up." — Riot Bear model Andres Gomez. Photo by Paul Lowe, courtesy of Riot Bear.

"What makes [toxic masculinity] so dangerous and tragic is that we all know it's coming from a dark place internally," Anthony says.

"Self-hatred and abuse can bring out the ugliest in a man. We must defuse this behavior with compassion and courage."

"I've always been interested in sculpture. I think my earliest memory was at age 7, when I started with origami. After a while, I got to a point where I wasn't learning anything new and decided to try working with wax and clay which lead me to where I am today." — Riot Bear model Vincent Master. Self-portrait. Photo courtesy of Riot Bear.

Personal style may seem frivolous. But self-expression is a terrific way to heal, grow, and feel great in your own skin.

And doing so in a community that embraces your authentic self makes all the difference to these Riot Bears.

Model Charles. Photo by Paul Lowe, courtesy of Riot Bear.

“I’ve seen these photos open a portal for our models, feel confident in how they look, and provide a safe space to be vulnerable," Anthony says. "It doesn’t matter who you are — when you see yourself in this empowering way, it’s transformative.”

Learn more about Riot Bear and how to join the community here.

We may want to know their gender or think we need to know their gender to use a pronoun, but it honestly does not matter.

Kids do a lot of embarrassing things.

They pick their noses, they tell everyone waiting in line that mom has jiggly thighs, they throw milk across the room when the mood strikes.

But there is one thing that parents can, and should, stop being embarrassed by. This question: "Is that a boy or a girl?"

Image via iStock.

Most parents will respond to this question the same way my mother did, with a too tight hand squeeze and a "SHHHH!!!" later followed by an explanation that we are not allowed to ask those things.

I never really understood the response, but the message was clear: There is shame around this topic. We don’t talk about that in polite company. You should continue to be confused about this.

Perhaps it is time to consider another way to talk about gender with our kids.

As visibility increases for people all over the gender spectrum with more representation in media and more empowerment in the world, let’s think about wiser ways to approach this. And hey, maybe we could actually answer our kids’ questions about gender, too.

As a sex and sexuality educator and mom of seven, I have had lots of conversations with people all over the gender spectrum. After years of these conversations, I have some tips for how to talk about gender with your kids. Here they are:

1. Gender almost never matters.

There is a gender-nonconforming person who works at a store we go to frequently. Yesterday, I was asked:

"Mommy, is that a boy or a girl?"

"It doesn't matter."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that this person helps us in the store, so we don't need to know if they are a boy or a girl.”

"OK, but, like, when would we need to know?"

"If we were looking for someone to donate sperm or ovaries."

"But that is almost never going to happen."

"And we almost never need to know if someone is a boy or a girl."

Indeed, we almost never need to know the gender of any people. We may want to know their gender or think we need to know their gender to use a pronoun, but it honestly does not matter.

If someone is helping you in a store, you don’t need to know their gender any more than you need to be sure of their race or religion.

2. Every person gets to write their own gender story.

That is it. It is really that simple.

This is not about what you think someone should be, what they look like, or what makes you feel more comfortable. This is about allowing every human the dignity to define themselves in all ways, including gender. If a person decides they identify as a girl for example, who are you to tell them they are wrong?

If my child says, "But that person doesn’t look like a boy," I just let them know: That’s what this boy looks like.

If my child asks, "What a person really is," I just let them know: They are the person they say they are. Done.

3. Navigating pronouns is tricky.

Our language makes it difficult to leave gender out of the equation. Thankfully, first-person pronouns are gender-neutral, so you can tell your children that they can use those when speaking directly to a person.

If they are referring to someone, and they are unclear about which pronoun to use, let them know they can just ask the person. Letting young people know that there is no shame in clarity goes a long way in recognizing that there is no shame in not necessarily being able to place someone in one of the two narrowly defined gender categories.

If asking is off the table for whatever reason, let your child know they can use "they" as a gender-neutral singular pronoun. Maybe this will become the norm, or maybe language will change when attitudes shift, but this works for now.

4. It's important to validate all choices.

These conversations may leave your kids wondering if they need to put more thought into what their gender is. And maybe they do, but maybe they don’t. If this is a concern, you have opened up a nice door for them to walk through and have a conversation. But if they feel like the gender they were assigned at birth feels good to them and they want to be that gender and use those pronouns, that is certainly a valid choice, too.

It is important to let our kids know that people with gender differences often deal with a lot of hate and rejection. It's important to be a good friend and ally to them.

5. Encourage understanding, always.

Children may not be able to make sense of this. They may ask challenging questions like "Why can’t she just be a girl who likes boy clothes? Why change?" or "How can you not feel like what you are? I don’t get it."

Those are real questions that may be difficult for you to answer, especially if you are someone who identifies with your assigned gender or have never known another person who thinks differently about gender. Still, encourage kids to explore. Ask questions to those who feel comfortable answering them. Read books like "The Sissy Duckling." Find stories from real people relating their experiences.

Because ultimately, there is one very important message to send:

You don’t have to understand another person’s heart to honor and respect them.That is what we need more of in this world.