cuddling

We can all agree that life is pretty hard. People deal with the difficulties in a lot of different ways. Some cope with substances or chasing thrills. Others control what they can with diet and exercise. Some people go to talk therapy. And others cuddle.

Touch-based therapy—like professional cuddling—has been growing in popularity for several years now. What started as an unusual niche service is catching on because of all of the known benefits of platonic touch. It's been shown to ease stress, help you sleep better, manage anxiety, and promote positive feelings. And best of all, most of the benefits of cuddling don't require you to be in love with the person who's doing the holding, spooning, or hugging. That's where the professionals come in.

Keeley Shoup, a professional cuddler, says our isolated, individualistic culture has left many of us starved for touch. If "touch starved" sounds like a strange, new-age term, it's not. It's a well-studied and observed affliction.

"Missing out on regular human touch can have some serious and long-lasting effects," writes Healthline. It's also sometimes called "skin hunger."

In a series of videos on TikTok, Shoup explains the reasons "pro cuddling" even exists.

"I get all kinds of reactions to me telling people what I do for a living," Shoup says. "Lots of them are very curious and some of them are very confused. Why does that even exist? The biggest reason this job is important is because of isolation."

Shoup then references the U.S. surgeon general declaring loneliness an epidemic in 2023.

"The mortality impact of being socially disconnected is similar to that caused by smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day," Dr. Vivek Murthy wrote at the time. "And the harmful consequences of a society that lacks social connection can be felt in our schools, workplaces, and civic organizations, where performance, productivity, and engagement are diminished."

In a series of follow-up videos, Shoup says many aspects of modern culture (especially American culture) exacerbate our sense of isolation. For example, American individualism. We're a culture that highly values independence, creativity, standing out, and self-reliance. Many of those values are good things, but they often come at the cost of a sense of community.

Then there's productivity culture, which Shoup says dictates "your worth as a human is tied into what you are producing...It doesn't leave space or time for rest for recreation or play. We know that those things are essential for happiness."

There's also the fact that online interactions are slowly usurping in-person encounters. A Deloitte study found that 48% of people under 42 years old interact more online than off.

Add it all up and it paints a picture of people who are connecting with each other less than ever, and that includes touch. Little things like a handshake, a friendly hug, a pat on the back, and even a stranger's leg bumping into yours on the bus. They're more valuable than we ever realized.

Not getting the right amount of human touch can, according to Healthline, lead to symptoms like loneliness, feelings of depression, anxiety, trouble sleeping, and feeling disconnected in relationships.

Many of these reasons aren't completely new. In the early 2000s, a small group of people invented the concept of "cuddle parties" in New York City. People would attend and, with clear, spoken consent, enjoy platonic cuddling with friends or strangers. Even the founders were shocked when cuddle parties became a massive, nationwide phenomenon.

One thing that's changed since then is the COVID-19 pandemic, which forced even more isolation. Though many of the lockdown and social distancing restrictions have long since been lifted, many people have struggled to return to "normal" ways of connecting with others.

“Stay-at-home orders resulted in people isolating themselves, and in a time of heightened anxiety during this collective trauma, keeping yourself isolated was actually a way of protecting yourself that, now, has been integrated into people's defense mechanisms,” Dr. Stephen Rush told UC Health. “The internal message became that being alone protects me from these things that are scary and out of my control. And that's now become a habit that is really hard to break.”

In fact, you don't have to be completely alone to feel lonely. Just because you're in a relationship, for example, doesn't mean you can't be touch starved.

One divorced man on Reddit wrote that to deal with the sadness and loneliness of his breakup, he attended one of the cuddle parties: "One girl held my hand, while the other cozied up to my side. Then, we just laid there, silent, for nearly an hour and a half. It was wonderful. I felt so content. My mind was perfectly clear and all I could do was smile through it all. I felt worthy and loved. When I reflect back on this, I realize that I was touched more that night than in the last few years of my marriage."

The good news? If you are craving more human touch in your life, you don't have to pay a professional or go to a party with strangers (though if you choose to, there's no shame).

Getting a massage, a pedicure, or even just a haircut is a good way to experience physical human interaction that's not sexual or emotional. Sometimes even a hot bath, a heating pad, or a weighted blanket can be a close-enough simulation to fire up the nerve endings in our skin. You can make a more concerted effort to affectionately touch your friends (yes, even us guys) as long as they're okay with it.

As for Shoup, she loves to share her favorite cuddling positions for those that do have a friend or partner they can try them with, like the Story Time, the Santa Claus, or the Pancake:

The vocation of "professional cuddler" will probably always raise some eyebrows. But when you really stop to think about how nice it feels to be held or hugged, it speaks to something deep within most of us that craves human connection and touch.

In a world that feels more and more isolated much of the time, many of us have to seek out those sensations and connections in other ways. The science says it can do wonders for your health.