Upworthy's book GOOD PEOPLE, now available - take a look!

Shop
 Explore 

Woman breaks down just how much work it took change her last name after getting married

She still stands by her choice.

marriage, changing name after marriage, name change

@chiknnuggiesinmytummy/TikTok

Newlywed Delanie Kristek breaks down the lengthy process of changing her last name

Though the age-old tradition of wives taking their husband’s name after marriage has dwindled somewhat, it is still very commonplace. According to a Pew Research Center survey taken this year, 79% of women reported taking their spouse’s last name when they got married.

But would this custom still be so mainstream today if women were made aware of just how drawn out and mentally draining of a process it can be? Having just gone through it, 27-year-old newlywed Delanie Kristek doesn't seem to think so.

In a now-viral TikTok clip, Kristek recounts the lengthy tale of getting her last name changed, breaking down the stress involved.

Still in the “beginning stages,” as she calls it Kristek has successfully changed her social security and is now onto changing her driver’s license. Even with the “exact instructions” given to her on her NewlyNamed box (a special kit that helps newlyweds keep track of what documents to change), it was “incredibly time consuming."

@chiknnuggiesinmytummy Dont even get me started on our digital footprint and all the places our names are online. #changingyourname #namechange #namechanged #newlastname #lastnamechange #newlymarried #newlywed ♬ original sound - Delanie Kristek

Why? Because "everything's on the government website, which we already know is trash," Kristek explains, adding that "now, post-COVID, I can no longer just show up to the DPS [what Texas calls the DMV], I have to make an appointment. I go to schedule an appointment...all the DPS's near me, in DFW? There's no openings until January 2024. Guess what? I have a flight in December 2023...the name on my ticket is my new last name."

This left Kristek with no choice but to schedule an appointment at a DPS over 40 minutes away.

But that wouldn’t even scratch the surface. She continues, “at that point, I've only changed my social and my driver's license. I've still gotta change my insurance cards, I've gotta change my bank accounts, I've gotta change my passport...Global Entry, which means I'm gonna have to go to the airport."

But wait. There’s more.

See on Instagram

"You've gotta change your name in all the systems you're in. Most of us have multiple doctors. I have primary care physician, I have a gynecologist, I have a therapist. There's so many places where my name appears, and now I'm gonna have to go change it. The mental load that it is taking on me...every time I see my name, I'm like, 'Oh my god, that's ANOTHER place I'm going to have to change my name,’” she says.

Understandably, Kristek can’t help but acknowledge that this is a special inconvenience reserved almost exclusively for women in heterosexual relationships, and says that most of their male counterparts "will never understand the mental load and time investment of changing your last name.”

And this is in part why Kristek posted her TikTok.

In an interview with Buzzfeed, she shared her hopes that it would ”shed some light to hetero men so that they can better understand,” and inspire them to help their partner during the process where they can. Whether that's helping directly in the name-change process or even taking on a different task that maybe their wife typically managed. In turn, freeing their wife up with some time and brain space to go through this name-change process."

Still, she stands by her choice to take her husband’s last name. And other than maybe the amount of time it took to get there, she has no regrets being Delanie Roselle Majors Kristek. She just wants others to be fully informed, and therefore more empowered, when going the traditional route.

See on Instagram

As she told Buzzfeed, "each couple and person is different, so they need to decide what works for them versus just changing their last name because that's 'the thing you do.' It's time-consuming, it costs money, and there are pros and cons to whatever decision you make. Changing your name after marriage shouldn’t be an automatic yes, it should be a thought-out, conscious decision.”

From Your Site Articles

marriage

Visit Sweden

Popular

Sweden makes stunning decision to trademark its name to avoid confusion

The country is taking historic steps to fix the problem.

via Visit Sweden (used with permission)

A Swedish woman taking things into her own hands.

True

Sweden has existed for over 1,000 years, but travelers across the globe are confused because other places, inspired by the country’s untouched beauty and joyously inclusive culture, have taken its name.

Seven other places in the world call themselves Sweden, so to distinguish itself from the name-alikes, the Kingdom of Sweden is taking a bold, historic step that no country has before. It’s become the first to apply to trademark its name with the European Union Intellectual Property Office.

Visit Sweden likens the country’s problem to a luxury brand that has to contend with dupes, knockoffs, or bootlegs that fall short of the glory of the genuine article.

“It’s flattering that other places want to be called Sweden, but let’s be honest, there should only be one. Our Sweden. The one with the Northern Lights, endless forests, and the world’s best flat-pack furniture,” says Susanne Andersson, CEO at Visit Sweden.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

By trademarking its name, Sweden will make things much less confusing for travelers worldwide. It’d be a shame for someone looking to visit Sweden’s majestic Lapland to mistakenly wind up in a place with no reindeer, Aurora Borealis, or cloudberries to be found.

The world-class research team at Visit Sweden knew it had to act when it realized that other destinations with the same name had tripped up travelers. People looking to vacation in Portland, Oregon, have accidentally wound up in Portland, Maine. Travelers yearning to experience the fall in Manchester, New Hampshire, have been deplaning in Manchester, England. “It happens more than you think!” the researchers admitted.

sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation The Northern Lights in Sweden. via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Jann Lipka/imagebank.sweden.se

The E.U. Intellectual Property Office must act swiftly and allow Sweden to trademark its name so that travelers worldwide don’t miss the opportunity to experience an utterly unique country known for its serene landscapes, commitment to deep relaxation and personal freedom.

No one should ever miss out on staying on one of Sweden’s 267,570 islands, more than any other country. The Swedish archipelagos offer luxurious glamping, peaceful hikes, tranquil solitude and awe-inspiring, pristine nature.

sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation A woman camping in the Swedish archipelago.via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Anders Klapp/imagebank.sweden.se

Sweden is a beautiful place to visit all year round, with bright summers, colorful falls, vibrant springs and dark, crisp winters. It is also a place to delight your tastebuds with a cuisine centered on healthy, locally sourced produce, with some preparation methods dating back to the Viking era.

The original Sweden is a place where one can relish Old World European history while also enjoying the modern pleasures of the most progressive countries in the world. Travelers can be whisked back into history by visiting the Naval Port of Karlskona, a well-preserved European naval town from 1680. Or, enjoy cutting-edge design, delicacies, art, music and culture in hip metropolitan destinations such as Stockholm or Sweden’s “coolest city,” Gothenburg.

Did we mention Sweden has an ABBA museum? Wait till the other 7 Swedens find out about that.

As you can see, Sweden is an incredibly unique destination that cannot be duplicated. It would be a tragedy for anyone intending to visit the original Sweden to mistakenly find themselves in a name-alike place that lacks its Scandinavian charm. You can do your part to stop the confusion by signing a petition to let Sweden trademark Sweden at Visit Sweden (the original).

sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation A Swedish Midsommar celebration. via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Stefan Berg/Folio/imagebank.sweden.se

From Your Site Articles

Family

Woman who was pressured to quit her job to raise stepdaughter's baby makes a bold decision

This sparked an important conversation about family responsibility.

via Pixabay

When parents can't step up, should grandparents step in?

A story that recently went viral on Reddit’s AITA forum asks an important question: What is a parent’s role in taking care of their grandchildren? The story is even further complicated because the woman at the center of the controversy is a stepparent.

At the time of writing her post, the woman, 38, met her husband Sam, 47, ten years ago, when his daughter, Leah, 25, was 15. The couple married five years ago after Leah had moved out to go to college.

Leah’s mom passed away when she was 10.

When Leah became pregnant she wanted to keep the baby, but her boyfriend didn’t. After the disagreement, the boyfriend broke up with her. This forced Leah to move back home because she couldn’t afford to be a single parent and live alone on a teacher’s salary.

Leah’s story is familiar to many young mothers facing similar difficulties.

The father isn’t involved in the baby’s life as a caretaker or financially. Sadly, research shows that 33% of all children in the U.S. are born without their biological fathers living in the home.

Single motherhood comes with unique hardships.

via Alexander Grey/Unsplash

The new mother is a teacher and can’t afford to live on her own with a child. In 2019, a study found that out the top 50 U.S. cities, Pittsburgh is the only one where a new teacher could afford rent.

Today, Portland, OR has joined the very short list of cities where an "average teacher can afford 91.3% of apartments within community distance of their school" according to a recent study.

The stressors of taking care of the baby made Leah realize she needed help.

“But once she had the baby around 4 months back, Leah seemed to realize having a baby is not the sunshine and rainbows she thought it was,” the woman wrote on Reddit. “She barely got any sleep during the last four months. All the while Sam was helping her with the baby while I did almost all chores myself.”

“Now her leave is ending. She did not want to leave the baby at daycare or with a nanny,” the woman continued. “Sam and I both work as well.”

Leah asked her stepmother if she would stay home with the baby. The stepmother said no because she never wanted to have a baby and she has a job. “I asked why Leah can't stay home with the baby herself,” the woman wrote. “She said how she was young and had to build a career. I said many people take breaks to raise kids, and she broke down crying about how she was so tired all the time being a mom and needed something else in her life too.”

The demands of new motherhood are usually all-encompassing.

via Pixabay

After the woman told her stepdaughter no, her husband pressured her to stay home with the baby. But she refused to give up her job to raise her stepdaughter’s child. “Leah said yesterday how she wished her mom was alive since she would have had her back. She said I didn't love her, and my husband is also mad at me,” the woman wrote. The woman asked the Reddit community if she was in the wrong for “refusing to help my stepdaughter with the baby,” and the community responded with rapturous support.

"[The woman] should tell her husband to knock it off and stop trying to pressure her into raising his daughter’s baby. If he wants a family member to look after her baby while she works, then he can do it," user Heavy_Sand5228 wrote.

"This is Leah's baby that she alone chose to have. That doesn't obligate you to change YOUR life to suit her desires. The whole business of saying you don't love her because you won't quit your job to watch her baby is manipulative and messed up, and I'm shocked your husband is siding with her," user SupremeCourtJust-a** added.

Leah and many women like her are in this situation because, in many places, teachers are underpaid, rent is high, and not all dads pay child support, even those required by law.

Another commenter noted that the baby is much more the father’s responsibility than the stepmother's. "To add, Leah should consider seeking child support from her ex. Her kid should be getting that money," Obiterdicta wrote.

While there are resources to help stepparents connect with their stepchildren and step-grandchildren, it's important to remember that the responsibility to raise a child ultimately rests with the parent(s).

This article originally appeared last year.

From Your Site Articles

family

Culture

Emily Ratajkowski explains why women are 'obsessed' with Pete Davidson

"We love it. It's hard to find them."

via Late Night with Seth Meyers

Emily Ratajkowski discusses Pete Davidson's appeal.

Pete Davidson, 31, has earned the reputation as one of Hollywood's most prolific ladies' men for dating some of the most beautiful A-list women over the past several years. However, there are a lot of people out there who don't understand the "Saturday Night Live" star's appeal. Davidson is tattooed from head to toe. He suffers from Crohn's disease, has done multiple stints in rehab, describes himself as looking like a "crack baby" and only recently moved out of his mother's basement on Staten Island.

But he's also been one of the most popular cast members on "SNL" for the past seven years and co-wrote and starred in the critically acclaimed, "The King of Staten Island."

The future generations of sociologists and psychologists will write about how Pete Davidson was able to consistently date women way out of his league
— Hamad (@Hamad) 1636137705

Pete Davidson pulling all these hot women just goes to show how far being funny will get you
— n. (@n.) 1636160356

how pete davidson manages to get the hottest women out there i will never understandpic.twitter.com/WZ2OnDnzL7
— nat is inactive (@nat is inactive) 1635864444

Here's a brief rundown of Davidson's romantic ties over the past few years.

Ariana Grande (2018)

Davidson and the pop megastar revealed they were in a relationship at the end of May 2018 and quickly got engaged. The pair called off their engagement and broke up in October 2018 after just five months together.

Kate Beckinsale (2019)

The two were caught kissing at a New York Rangers game in January 2019, but the pair broke up that April because Davidson had to go to rehab and Beckinsale was busy making movies.

Margaret Qualley (2019)

Davidson and the "Once Upon a Time ... in Hollywood" star had a brief relationship at the end of 2019. Her mother, Andie McDowell, called their flirtation "nice."

Kaia Gerber (2019-2020)

After Qualley, Davidson moved on to Cindy Crawford's daughter, Kaia Gerber. Four months later, the couple broke up while Davidson was dealing with addiction and mental health issues.

Phoebe Dynevor (2020)

Davidson and the "Bridgerton" star saw each other for about six weeks, but things eventually soured because Dynevor was geographically undesirable.

Kim Kardashian (2021)

Davidson and Kardashian were spotted holding hands while riding a Halloween roller coaster together, leading some to believe they were romantically involved. However, Page Six sources say they're "just friends." The pair shared a kiss in an "Aladdin" sketch on SNL when Kardashian hosted in October.

In a Monday appearance on "Late Night With Seth Meyers," model Emily Ratajkowski explained Davidson's appeal and it's pretty easy to understand.

"He's a professional," Ratajkowski said about Davidson. "First of all, you should know that about Pete." She added, "Pete—he's got the height. Obviously women find him very attractive."

"I feel like only other men feel [that he isn't attractive]. Guys are like, 'Wow. What's that guy got?' And I'm like, I mean, he seems super charming," she said. "He's vulnerable. He's lovely. His fingernail polish is awesome. He looks good!" Further, he has a "good relationship with his mom." She concluded, "We love it. It's hard to find them."

Beckinsale recently affirmed a similar statement about Davidson by liking an Instagram post that read:

"I love how every time Pete Davidson starts dating another beautiful celebrity everyone's like 'wtf is happening how did he do this what is this mystery???' and everybody refuses to entertain the possibility that he might have a nice personality."

Evidently, Davidson is a really attentive boyfriend, too.

"My love language, when I'm in a relationship, is I treat the person I'm with like a princess,'' he told Paper. "I try and go as above and beyond as possible," he said, "because that's what you're supposed to do? If you're in a relationship with someone, you're just supposed to make that person feel as special as possible."

The fact that women everywhere are in love with Davidson actually says something pretty awesome. It goes to show that even in the glamorous world of Hollywood there's something irresistible about someone who's funny, attentive, vulnerable, charming, down-to-earth and loves his mother.

This article originally appeared on 11.11.21

From Your Site Articles

Woman breaks down just how much work it took change her last name after getting married

She still stands by her choice.

The country is taking historic steps to fix the problem.

This sparked an important conversation about family responsibility.

Leah’s story is familiar to many young mothers facing similar difficulties.

"We love it. It's hard to find them."

Ariana Grande (2018)

Kate Beckinsale (2019)

Margaret Qualley (2019)

Kaia Gerber (2019-2020)

Phoebe Dynevor (2020)

Kim Kardashian (2021)

They're funny because they're true.

Gordon shared 15 of his oh-so-real comics with us. They're all funny 'cause they're true.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

I love Gordon's comics so much because they're just about the reality of parenting — and they capture it perfectly.

The best part? Anyone can do this to create a truly unique and meaningful Christmas gift.

Here kitty, kitty! Oh wait, there are 12 more of you?

Some shelters, like my local humane society, are asking people who find litters of puppies or kittens to do exactly what Brantley is doing.