Romanticizing? Or false advertising? What's really behind TikTok's 'that girl' trend.
Photo by mahdi chaghari on Unsplash

The "that girl" trend aims to encourage wellness. But at what cost?

Gracing our phone screens since April, the "that girl" TikTok trend shows us an archetypal, if not stereotypical, wellness formula usually consisting of an early morning wake up + healthy breakfast (plant-based, preferably) + wellness activity + goal setting. Have this done before 7 a.m., then go boldly forth into your new day with full confidence that you have earned your happiness. Document it all for the world to see, and voila, you have now become "that girl."

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On the one hand, "that girl" encourages us all to bring our A-game every day. By offering a small snapshot of what our lives could look and feel like if we really committed to morning routines, we can find motivation to follow through on our goals. And hey, if multiple studies show that faking it till you make it actually works, then maybe posting that yoga routine will genuinely boost confidence and help it stick. Nothing wrong with that.

And "that girl" inspires us to find joy in the small things, even our daily habits. Much like the #maincharacter trend, which encourages everyone to see themselves as the hero of their own story, "that girl" is all about romanticizing life. Sometimes, that can be good medicine.

However, things that at first glance appear empowering can often have more insidious effects on mental health.


For example, when it presents a narrow view of wellness. Though you'd think that we could move beyond picturing healthy eating as avocado toast and celery juice, trends like "that girl" allow that narrow view to permeate. The biggest danger of this message being that good health is only a result of a privileged lifestyle. Not everyone can easily have access to fermented coconut yogurt and goji berries; only a certain few, therefore, can trully become "that girl," even though everyone should, apparently, be striving to become "that girl." Yikes, even writing out this logic is exhausting.

In this instance, wellness takes on an all-or-nothing attitude. Where instead of one person jogging at the crack of dawn in their Lululemons, everyone is, and therefore you should be too. It seems harmless enough, but when women, especially young girls, are being bombarded with images of extremely low calorie diets, and only one aspirational body type, it's a recipe for disappointment. If not worse.

Of course, we can't put all the blame on "that girl." This idolizing of a certain aesthetic of health and success is no new trend. "That girl" goes by many names: girlboss, bossbabe, bosslady. Whatever moniker she takes on, "that girl" is here to tell us to wake up earlier, eat cleaner, get the reps in, and you can be everything you want to be. And before TikTok and Instagram, "that girl" showed up in magazines, showing us all exactly what to do to have the perfect life.

The real question here is: Why won't this trend die? Why does it continue to reinvent itself even in a digital space? What is so intoxicating about the idea of perfection that generations of women have become addicted? In a word, it's control. The dizzying high of knowing deep in your bones that Z always follows X and Y. That if you control your body, you control your life, and if you control your life, you control destiny. You will be worthy. And at the heart of many women, there is a fear of UNworthiness. If that uncomfortable, unattainable, downright rigid routine keeps you at arm's length from the dreaded UNworthiness? Then sobeit.

Though this is not the first time TikTok has inadvertently promoted body image issues, in an interview with Refinery29, a company spokesperson stated "Being true to yourself is celebrated and encouraged on TikTok. As a platform, we're focused on safeguarding our community from harmful content and behaviours while supporting an inclusive – and body-positive – environment." Because the platform has had several trends that actually advocate body positivity, in addition to viral success stories of self-love, there's reason to believe the platform can help break the social media mold on beauty standards.

After all, nothing is inherently wrong with the desire for self-improvement, but there's no need for women to be "that girl," if they don't want to, or can't. They're perfectly fine being themselves.

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Teens of today live in a totally different world than the one their parents grew up in. Not only do young people have access to technologies that previous generations barely dreamed of, but they're also constantly bombarded with information from the news and media.

Today’s youth are also living through a pandemic that has created an extra layer of difficulty to an already challenging age—and it has taken a toll on their mental health.

According to Mental Health America, nearly 14% of youths ages 12 to 17 experienced a major depressive episode in the past year. In a September 2020 survey of high schoolers by Active Minds, nearly 75% of respondents reported an increase in stress, anxiety, sadness and isolation during the first six months of the pandemic. And in a Pearson and Connections Academy survey of US parents, 66% said their child felt anxious or depressed during the pandemic.

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“Many people associate our current mental health crisis with the pandemic,” says Morgan Champion, the head of counseling services for Connections Academy Schools. “In fact, the youth mental health crisis was alarming and on the rise before the pandemic. Today, the alarm continues.”

Mental Health America reports that most people who take the organization’s online mental health screening test are under 18. According to the American Psychiatric Association, about 50% of cases of mental illness begin by age 14, and the tendency to develop depression and bipolar disorder nearly doubles from age 13 to age 18.

Such statistics demand attention and action, which is why experts say destigmatizing mental health and talking about it is so important.

“Today we see more people talking about mental health openly—in a way that is more akin to physical health,” says Champion. She adds that mental health support for young people is being more widely promoted, and kids and teens have greater access to resources, from their school counselors to support organizations.

Parents are encouraging this support too. More than two-thirds of American parents believe children should be introduced to wellness and mental health awareness in primary or middle school, according to a new Global Learner Survey from Pearson. Since early intervention is key to helping young people manage their mental health, these changes are positive developments.

In addition, more and more people in the public eye are sharing their personal mental health experiences as well, which can help inspire young people to open up and seek out the help they need.

“Many celebrities and influencers have come forward with their mental health stories, which can normalize the conversation, and is helpful for younger generations to understand that they are not alone,” says Champion.

That’s one reason Connections Academy is hosting a series of virtual Emotional Fitness talks with Olympic athletes who are alums of the virtual school during Mental Health Awareness Month. These talks are free, open to the public and include relatable topics such as success and failure, leadership, empowerment and authenticity. For instance, on May 18, Olympic women’s ice hockey player Lyndsey Fry will speak on finding your own style of confidence, and on May 25, Olympic figure skater Karen Chen will share advice for keeping calm under pressure.

Family support plays a huge role as well. While the pandemic has been challenging in and of itself, it has actually helped families identify mental health struggles as they’ve spent more time together.

“Parents gained greater insight into their child’s behavior and moods, how they interact with peers and teachers,” says Champion. “For many parents this was eye-opening and revealed the need to focus on mental health.”

It’s not always easy to tell if a teen is dealing with normal emotional ups and downs or if they need extra help, but there are some warning signs caregivers can watch for.

“Being attuned to your child’s mood, affect, school performance, and relationships with friends or significant others can help you gauge whether you are dealing with teenage normalcy or something bigger,” Champion says. Depending on a child’s age, parents should be looking for the following signs, which may be co-occurring:

  • Perpetual depressed mood
  • Rocky friend relationships
  • Spending a lot of time alone and refusing to participate in daily activities
  • Too much or not enough sleep
  • Not eating a regular diet
  • Intense fear or anxiety
  • Drug or alcohol use
  • Suicidal ideation (talking about being a burden or giving away possessions) or plans

“You know your child best. If you are unsure if your child is having a rough time or if there is something more serious going on, it is best to reach out to a counselor or doctor to be sure,” says Champion. “Always err on the side of caution.”

If it appears a student does need help, what next? Talking to a school counselor can be a good first step, since they are easily accessible and free to visit.

“Just getting students to talk about their struggles with a trusted adult is huge,” says Champion. “When I meet with students and/or their families, I work with them to help identify the issues they are facing. I listen and recommend next steps, such as referring families to mental health resources in their local areas.”

Just as parents would take their child to a doctor for a sprained ankle, they shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help if a child is struggling mentally or emotionally. Parents also need to realize that they may not be able to help them on their own, no matter how much love and support they have to offer.

“That is a hard concept to accept when parents can feel solely responsible for their child’s welfare and well-being,” says Champion. “The adage still stands—it takes a village to raise a child. Be sure you are surrounding yourself and your child with a great support system to help tackle life’s many challenges.”

That village can include everyone from close family to local community members to public figures. Helping young people learn to manage their mental health is a gift we can all contribute to, one that will serve them for a lifetime.

Join athletes, Connections Academy and Upworthy for candid discussions on mental health during Mental Health Awareness Month. Learn more and find resources here.

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