Shop
 Explore 

This TED Talk from 2017 about being a 'real man' still holds up today

It's still a struggle to go from not being "man enough" to knowing that you are KENough.

barbie, gender norms, feminism

Warner Bros Pictures/Youtube, TED/Youtube

You are KENough

If you haven't heard actor Justin Baldoni's name, you at least probably recognize him.

Best known for his role as Rafael on "Jane the Virgin," Baldoni is the epitome of Hollywood's "tall, dark, and handsome" stereotype. He is every bad boy with a sinister past. Every womanizing billionaire. Every domineering playboy.

In a talk at TEDWomen 2017, Baldoni joked about the string of characters he's been typecast as (most of them appear shirtless a good majority of the time).

"Most of the men I play ooze machismo, charisma, and power," he said. "And when I look in the mirror, that's just not how I see myself."

Baldoni came to realize that it wasn't just on-screen that he was pretending. In his everyday life, he found himself trying to conform to society's masculine ideal as well, and it all felt like a lie.

"I've been pretending to be strong when I felt weak. Confident when I felt insecure. And tough when really I was hurting," he explained.

The past few years have been a journey for Baldoni, who has set out to redefine for himself what "being a man" is really all about. In his TED Talk, he shared three major realizations he had along the way.

1. "Real men" make themselves vulnerable — not just with women, but with other men too.

Baldoni's early attempts at being more open about his emotions publicly on social media went great — until he realized almost all of his followers were women. Opening up to his fellow men was another challenge altogether.

"If it's about work or sports or politics or women, [men] have no problem sharing our opinions," he observed. "But if it's about our insecurities, our struggles, our fear of failure, it's almost like we become paralyzed."

He recalled recently wanting to talk to his guy friends about a serious issue in his life and needing almost the entirety of a three-day guys trip to work up the courage to do it. Once he did, however, he found many of his buddies were eager to share with him, too.

"My display of vulnerability can, in some cases, give other men permission to do the same," he realized.

(If only there were a TEDMen Baldoni could have given this talk at.)

2. "Real men" hold other men, and themselves, accountable.

As he began to engage more with other men, Baldoni started to become even more aware of toxic male behavior around him. It was everywhere.

He recalls an Instagram comment someone left on a photo of him and his wife. The random male commenter called the photo "gay shit."

So Baldoni decided to message him.

"I said, very politely, 'I'm just curious, because I'm on an exploration of masculinity, and I wanted to know why my love for my wife qualified as gay shit,'" he remembered.

To his surprise, the man responded thoughtfully about how his own displays of affection had been mocked as a child, and he apologized for lashing out.

"Secretly he was waiting for permission to express himself," Baldoni said. "And all he needed was another man holding him accountable and creating a safe place for him to feel. The transformation was instant."

3. "Real men" embrace the good aspects of traditional masculinity — with a twist.

Not everything traditionally associated with manliness is bad. Strength, bravery, and confidence are great things to aspire to (regardless of one's gender). But Baldoni urges men to think deeply about what those qualities really mean in practice and whether, perhaps, there's not a different way to think about spending their energy trying to achieve them.

"Are you brave enough ... to be vulnerable?" he asked. "Are you strong enough to be sensitive? ... Are you confident enough to listen to the women in your life? ... Will you be man enough to stand up to other men when you hear 'locker room talk'?"

Near the end of his talk, Baldoni acknowledges an important point: As bad as the "performance of masculinity" is for men, these rigid gender roles can be far worse for women.

He bemoaned that there wasn't even enough time to get into issues like the gender pay gap, division of household labor, and violence against women — all issues created and upheld by the toxic male behavior Baldoni's fighting against.

"The deeper we get into this, the uglier it gets," he said.

He challenged the men watching and listening to demand better of themselves and those around them.

"If we want to be part of the solution, words are no longer enough," Baldoni said.

This article originally appeared on 12.08.17

From Your Site Articles

O Organics’ delicious, easy-to-cook homestyle spaghetti recipe helps feed America’s hungry

O Organics is donating a meal for every product purchased at Albertsons stores, up to 28 million meals.

via Two Plaid Aprons

Mei and Kyong and a delicious plate of spaghetti and meatballs.

True

When most people think about Korean cooking, they probably imagine the enticing aroma, colors, and flavors of a plate filled with kimchi and bulgogi or a hot bowl of bibimbap. But when cooking influencer Kyong reflects upon his childhood, he has fond memories of his Korean mother cooking him a delicious and easy-to-prepare spaghetti and meatballs recipe.

"My parents were busy running their dry-cleaning business and couldn't call off work or take long breaks like a traditional 9 to 5 job, so there wasn't a lot of time to cook,” he recalled. “So, my mom learned how to make quick-and-easy meals, and her spaghetti and meatballs were my favorites.”

Is there any better example of the American melting pot than a hard-working Korean mother cooking an Italian staple for her family?

Keep ReadingShow less

Cat decided a delivery driver was her new dad by clinging to his leg and refusing to let go

This is the Cat Distribution System at work, and it shall not be questioned.

dretontheborder | TikTok

A cat picks her new owner in the most unmistakable way.

If you've never heard of the Cat Distribution System, then you probably don't own a cat, or you do, but you acquired your cat in a normal, non-weird way. You know, like at an animal shelter or from some nice lady on social media who had a box of kittens. Some people do get cats that way, and it's one thousand percent a valid way to attain cat parent status.

But some lucky folks get cats through the Cat Distribution System (or CDS for short). Is this system real? The only people who know this are cats. They're also the ones that run the system, so the rules and the way in which you attain your purr machine may be a bit wonky. You may wake up with an unknown cat in your bed even though all of your windows are closed, or you just may be like this delivery driver.

The driver was out picking up orders when a cat came out of the CDS and jumped on the man's leg as he attempted to get back to his car. Thanks to his dash cam, you get to see CDS at work, and so did his mom. The video currently has over 2.8 million views on TikTok.

Keep ReadingShow less

1 in 8 kids in the U.S. experiences food insecurity. One simple grocery choice can help.

It's truly a win-win.

Albertsons

No child should have to worry about getting enough food to thrive.

True

When you’re a kid, summer means enjoying the fun of the season—plentiful sunshine, free time with friends, splashing in pools and sprinklers. But not every child’s summer is as carefree as it should be.

For some, summer means going hungry. According to Feeding America, food insecurity affects 1 in 8 children in the U.S., largely because families lose the free or reduced-price meals at school that help keep them fed during the school year.

But back-to-school time doesn’t make food insecurity disappear, either. Hunger is a year-round issue, and with the increased cost of groceries, it’s gotten harder for families who were already struggling to put food on the table.

So what can be done—or more specifically, what can the average person do—to help?

The good news is that one simple choice at the grocery store can help ease the burden a bit for those experiencing food insecurity. And the even better news is that it’s also a healthy choice for ourselves, our families and our planet. When we’re out on our regular shopping trips, we can simply look for the O Organics versions of things we would already buy.

But wait—aren’t we all feeling the pinch at the checkout stand? And isn’t organic food expensive? Here’s the thing: Organic food is often much more affordable than you might think. The cost difference between organic and non-organic products keeps narrowing, and many organic and non-organic foods are now almost identical in price. Sometimes you’ll even find that an organic product is actually cheaper than its brand-name non-organic counterpart.

Since 2005, O Organics has helped give health-conscious shoppers more options by making organic food more accessible and affordable. And now, it’s helping those same shoppers take action to fight food insecurity. For every O Organics product you purchase, the company will donate a meal to someone in need through the Albertsons Companies Foundation—for up to a total of 28 million meals.

Look for the O Organics label in every aisle.O Organics

Here’s what that means in real-world terms:

Say you’re throwing an end-of-summer backyard BBQ bash. If you were to buy O Organics ground beef, hamburger buns, ketchup and sea salt potato chips, you’d be donating four meals just by buying those four ingredients. If you added O Organics butter lettuce and O Organics sandwich slice pickles, you’d be donating two more meals, and so on.

And where are those meals going? Albertsons Companies Foundation works with a network of national and local charities fighting hunger, and regional divisions choose organizations to fund locally. So every O Organics product you purchase means a meal on the table for someone in your area who might not otherwise have the nourishment they need.

No kid should have to worry about getting enough food to thrive. We all make conscious choices each time we walk down a grocery store aisle, and by choosing

O Organics, we can make a difference in a child’s life while also making healthy choices for ourselves and our families. It’s truly a win-win.

From Your Site Articles

food insecurity

Sweet video shows dad get emotional after taking his 3-year-old to the dentist

"She's just sitting there…and the water works start coming..."

Image pulled from Youtube video.

Parenting is full of surprises

True

Parenting can be a little stressful. There's no checklist for how to do it perfectly.

As the father of two young daughters, Doyin Richards has a lot of experience in that department. Like most parents, he hopes he's doing it right. And like most parents, he has a little voice in his head that sometimes makes him second-guess his choices.

What if he's doing it wrong?

Keep ReadingShow less

Experts plead with parents to stop cracking eggs on their toddlers' heads. No, really.

Kids' emotional reactions shouldn't be used as viral fodder.

ponce_photography/Canva

The "egg crack challenge" on TikTok is more harmful than it is funny.

There are plenty of viral videos involving children that are perfectly harmless. Kids are naturally hilarious, and it's not unusual for parents to capture their wee ones saying or doing something adorably funny.

At Upworthy, we often share cute viral kid videos, like the Italian preschooler who gesticulates like an old Sicilian grampa or the 4-year-old snowboarder in a dinosaur suit or the 3-year-old with incredible moves dancing alongside choreographed dancers. These are kiddos just doing what they do—genuine, wholesome kid moments caught on video.

Sometimes we share viral kid videos that are clearly set up, often with some kind of a positive parenting lesson included. But such videos are a far cry from a viral TikTok trend that involves parents cracking eggs on their children's heads and recording their reactions.

Keep ReadingShow less

child development