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These 5 phrases will win people over during small talk, according to communication specialists

Master the art of small talk.

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Communication specialists share best phrases to win people over during small talk.

Small talk is a skill that can be hard to grasp. Striking up a conversation with acquaintances (or sometimes complete strangers) can be a challenge, even for the most gifted gabber. While you may loathe small talk, research shows that it helps build a stronger sense of community and belonging.

"Small talk gets a bad rap because it feels like filler before the ‘real’ conversation begins. It’s really an opportunity to make an impression," explains Cheryl Overton, brand strategist and founder of Cheryl Overton Communications. "What makes it awkward is the lack of intention. When we approach it with a 'get in, get out' energy, we miss the opportunity to connect."

Coming prepared to social situations with small talk questions and phrases will help you feel more confident—and connected— to others.

small talk, small talk questions, small talk phrases, making small talk, small talk help People socializing and making small talk.Image via Canva/ELEVATE

"There’s no need to try to be impressive, clever, or interesting," says Rhonda Khan, public speaking coach and CEO at Simply Speech Solutions. "The best conversations come from being present, curious, and intentional, making small talk less of a chore and instead the beginning of a true, fulfilling connection."

These are 5 small talk questions and phrases to keep in mind that can help you keep conversations flowing, according to communication specialists:

Phrase #1: "That sounds important to you—tell me more."
Using this phrase during your small talk conversation will show you're interested.

"Acknowledging what matters to someone builds instant rapport," says Cyndee Harrison, co-founder of communications firm Synaptic. "It demonstrates empathy, active listening, and a desire to understand their perspective rather than just responding with your own."

Phrase #2: "I would love to hear your take on this."
This will encourage the person you are talking with to share more and make your interest clear.

"People love to share their opinions, especially on things they feel passionate about," says Khan. "By asking their opinion, you are inviting their voice into the space, making them feel seen and valued."

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Phrase #3: "What’s making you smile these days?"
This question will help you learn more about the passions of the person you're talking to.

"This works by elevating 'what do you do?' to 'what do you love?'," says Overton. "It gives the other person permission to share something meaningful and energizing, which creates connection."

Phrase #4: "I read something recently that reminded me of this…"
Using this phrase during small talk will help you connect on something you're both curious about.

"Bringing in an outside insight adds value to the exchange and shifts the conversation from small talk to shared knowledge," says Harrison. "It can spark curiosity and turn the moment into something memorable."

@remenicole

a little bit of small talk can change your life💃🏽

Phrase #5: "What inspired you to get into that?"
Small talk usually involves talking about careers, and this question goes deeper.

"This works by putting the emphasis on the 'why' behind their 'what' and positions it inspirationally, making the respondent feel like a hero vs. a cog," adds Overton. "This phrase invites story and shows you’re curious about their journey, not just their job title."

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Small talk coach shares 'low-effort' hack for awkward people to avoid uncomfortable silences

It's easy to remember, super effective, and based in psychology.

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A woman and a man having a nice conversation.

There are few things more uncomfortable than an awkward silence in a conversation. Both people stop talking, and it feels like a hole has been ripped through space and time large enough for a diesel truck to drive through. You need to think of something to say, and fast, or your conversation partner is going to think that you are awkward, mindless, or worse, socially inept.

The good news is that Genny Diehl, a dating coach who professes to be an “expert” on small talk, has a solution to the dreaded uncomfortable silence, and it's based in psychology. “You might have heard of it called ‘reflective listening’ or in therapy training, it's one of the levels of validation. You essentially repeat back to someone what they just said,” Diehl said.

(FYI, Diehl claims to have helped people go on over 1500 dates and has started over 250 relationships.)

@datingcoachdiehl

youll also notice people doing this to you if you pay close attention and tbh its nice #fyp #dating #datingtips #datingadvice #datingcoach #hinge #bumble #datingapps #onlinedating

How to stop uncomfortable silences in conversations

Diehl says that there are two ways to practice reflective listening to end uncomfortable silences in conversations. She suggests that you alternate between the two techniques so as not to seem “annoying” to your conversation partner. “The first is literally word for word. Repeating the last three words that someone said,” she says.

For example, if someone is telling you a story about getting a sunburn and they stop, and there’s a moment of silence, you repeat the last three words, encouraging them to elaborate. “That way you kind of can take a backseat and just occasionally chirp in to let them know you're still listening,” she says.

Them: Wow. The sun wasn’t shining, but I got a sunburn.

You: You got a sunburn?

Them: Oh yes, I was taking a hike in Runyon Canyon…

party, party conversation, band, music, dancing, couples, chattingSome folks gabbing during a party.via Canva/Photos

The second way to use reflective listening to eliminate any uncomfortable silences is to summarize the long story they have just told. “So let's say someone's yapping in for a long period of time, make a mental note summarizing the story that they're telling and repeat it back to them to honestly, genuinely make sure that you're understanding them correctly and give them space to clarify or correct,” she says.

How do I become more likable?

Learning how to be good at reflective listening can prevent unwanted, awkward silences and make you extremely likable. There’s nothing people love more than when someone actively listens to them. In fact, Harvard scholars found that there is a conversational equation that is proven to make people more likable. If you start off a conversation with a question and then ask two follow-ups without making the conversation about yourself, it will dramatically increase your likability.

woman talking, couple on date, woman smiling, conversation, uncomfortable silenceA woman and a man having a nice conversation. via Canva/Photos

“We identify a robust and consistent relationship between question-asking and liking,” the study's authors write. “People who ask more questions, particularly follow-up questions, are better liked by their conversation partners.”

When most people think about being a great conversationalist, they think it’s all about having the gift of gab or the most entertaining stories. In reality, it’s about making the other person feel comfortable and heard. Therefore, we can become much better conversationalists by working on our listening habits. “The quality of your relationships will definitely go up if you do these things,” Diehl concludes her video, “and you will become one of the favorite people in your social circle.”

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Small talk going nowhere? Expert's 'threading' technique is the key to great conversations.

It doesn't take much to be great at small talk.

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A man and woman having a conversation.

Small talk can feel awkward, especially when talking to someone you don’t know very well and run out of things to say. That awkward silence may only last a few seconds but can feel like an eternity. Small talk can be uncomfortable, but it’s the gateway to starting relationships, creating professional opportunities, and building self-confidence. Becoming a master of small talk opens up possibilities, but how do you improve your skills?

One way to elevate your small talk game is by using a technique known as conversational threading. Adding a few more details to your questions and responses can open up different avenues to take the conversation and prevent it from stalling after a question or two. The key is to be an active listener with intentional questions.

How to get better at small talk

“The problem with most small talk is that it’s happening on autopilot, which means that people are asking questions they can already predict the answers to, such as: ‘How are you?’ ‘How’s the weather?’ “How was your weekend?’” Lorraine Lee, an award-winning virtual keynote speaker and CEO of RISE Learning Solutions, told CNBC Make It. The problem is that when you ask autopilot questions, you’re bound to get predictable answers, making it hard for the conversation to get off the ground.

Question: “How are you doing?”

Predictable answer: “Fine, how are you?”

Good answer: “Great, I’m planning a trip to Mexico, and I’ve really been enjoying ‘The White Lotus’ on Max."


The “good answer” here gives the person you’re talking to two threads to follow. They can ask you about Mexico or share how they once went to Cancun and had a great time. They can also reply to your thread about “The White Lotus” and discuss whether they have seen it.

Question: “Cold outside, isn’t it?”

Predictable answer: “Yeah, I’m freezing.”

Good answer: “It reminds me of the blizzard we had a few years back. What year was that?”

The “good answer” here also gives the person you’re talking to two threads. They can speculate on the date of the blizzard or share their experience with the snowstorm. The “predictable answer” stops the conversation in its tracks.

What are subject words?

Sean Cooper, known as the “shyness and social anxiety guy,” says we should look for “subject words” when talking with people because those will provide potential threads for a more meaningful conversation. For example: “I bought tires at the Goodyear station with my wife on Saturday” has four different keywords: tires, Goodyear, wife, and Saturday.” If you’re listening, it gives you four ways to turn the conversation into something more:

Tires — “Gee, I can’t remember the last time I changed my tires…”

Goodyear — “Is that the tire store off of Crenshaw Boulevard? Do they have good service?”

Wife — “How is your wife doing these days?”

Saturday — “Saturday was a lot of fun, I took my daughter to a horse stable."

Also, you can create better threads by asking more specific questions.

Autopilot question: “Do you come here often?”

Good question: “What’s your favorite drink at this bar?”

Autopilot question: “How are you doing?”

Good question: “What’s been the highlight of the week?”

Becoming good at small talk isn’t difficult as long as you can turn off autopilot and become more intentional with your questions and answers. Be sure to load up your responses with plenty of threads and keywords so that you’re partner can choose a direction for the conversation. As long as you keep threading the conversation, your relationship has room to grow and flourish.

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