how to small talk

Socializing often requires small talk, but many people hate it because it can feel forced and unnatural. However, using one simple phrase may be the key to making small talk flow more smoothly.

In a discussion about social skills on Reddit, people explored how to make small talk easier by using a simple four-word phrase recommended by Patrick King, author of Better Small Talk: Talk to Anyone, Avoid Awkwardness, Generate Deep Conversations, and Make Real Friends.

"One of my favorite tricks for keeping a conversation flowing is to use the phrase 'It reminds me of...' because it lets you jump from one topic to a whole range of others seamlessly," one person noted.

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They went on to explain how peppering in this small talk phrase can keep the conversation going.

"For example, take the conversational wasteland that is talking about the weather. Usually it goes...Them: 'It's been really rainy huh?' You: 'Yeah it's not too bad'.😐 - enter awkward silence - 😐," they wrote. "But with 'It reminds me of...' you have unlimited options to turn a boring or dying conversation into one that's unexpected and interesting."

From there, they described how differently the conversation can go using the example prompt: "Them: 'It's been really rainy huh?'"

Here are five fresh ways to direct the chat with, "It reminds me of":

Option 1 (Personal Story)

"Yeah, it reminds me of a time I went on a run in the rain and nearly got hit by a car."

Option 2 (Music / Pop Culture)

"It reminds me of every Adele song. When I'm driving I feel like I'm in a music video."

Option 3 (Family)

"It reminds me of my dad he used to love playing with us in the rain as kids."

Option 4 (Thing you watched / World News)

"It reminds me of this documentary I saw where they're trying to make it rain in the Sahara Desert."

Option 5 (Place you lived)

"It reminds me of when I lived in Australia it barely ever rained there. I actually love this weather."

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However, it may not come that easy or natural for some—so they also offered a simple exercise to try to get better at it.

"Open a dictionary at random, pick a word, and for 30 seconds try to write down 5 things it reminds you of, no judgement, just write what comes to mind even if the link feels shaky," they explained. "Then review your answers and how you got there and do the exercise two more times. If you do that once or twice a day you'll soon get better at making connections in conversations!"

People working on their social skills commented that this method has helped them feel more comfortable with small talk.

"For real! I started using this recently and not even consciously, I was just trying to continue conversations and started using this," one noted. "I started using this because someone I study teaches socializing with 'say what you think', and so when something reminded me of something, I started saying that. This helps a ton 💯."

Another person deemed using the phrase the "Family Guy Method," explaining that it reminded them of the TV show Family Guy: "It's how they do cutaway gags. A character will say something in the main story and another will say 'yeah like that time...' and they'll cut to a new scene where that's acted out before coming back to the main story again."

However, one person noted it may take some tact to utilize the phrase well. "Careful. Responding to their story with a story of your own might make them feel like you're trying to one-up them, and that you don’t care about their story," they added. "This might also lead to you hogging the conversation and worst case: being in their ear telling a story they were never interested to hear."