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simplicity

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A man skips rock into water. A man drinks a beer at a firepit.

Beware the barrenness of a busy life.” - Socrates

Sometimes, it's about getting back to basics. Stripping down all the extra noise and fabric to the bare, raw moments where time stands still and we can soak in just a dash of contentment.

For Canadian TikToker Nolan Reid, it really is about remembering the simplest things that bring happiness. Clad in a soft blue-gray shirt with his signature mustache, he faces the camera with a chyron saying, "My idea of a perfect night." He then points to three ideas floating on the screen while sweet music underscores the plan.

@nolanreid7

Last scene almost took a spill in the water, lets see your #perfectnight #myperfectnight #saskatchewan

  1. Skip rocks.
  2. Drink beers.
  3. Have a fire.

He then harkens the TikTok watchers to come along so we can experience his plan in action. As he stands on the embankment of a lake, while the orangey pink sunset threatens to descend, he begins (as promised) by skipping rocks into the water.

As the sun continues to set, now resembling the flicker of a cigarette, we see Reid walk onto a dock holding a beer in one hand as he continues skipping rocks with the other. We then see part three of his "very simple plan"—a small fire crackling off to the side.

For many, this pulls an emotional chord. For some (at least for me), it reminds me of my young Gen X childhood in a small Texan town. No cell phones, no distractions. Just a lake, a fire, and a few bubbly (albeit too sweet) wine coolers. Sometimes with friends, and sometimes alone as a time to under-think for once.

It's, in a way, Reid's version of stopping to smell the roses. Incidentally, Kelly Willis, Professor of Biodiversity at the University of Oxford recently shared on BBC Countryfile, "The impact nature can have on our wellbeing." She goes on to list different scents and their effect on our bodies. Of roses, she says, "Smelling roses makes you more relaxed and a calmer driver. Even smelling roses for as little as 90 seconds has been shown to trigger a reduction in participants’ physiological indicators of stress."

being present, simple things, smelling roses, wellbeing, wellness A person sniffs a yellow rose. Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

Reid asks his followers what their "perfect night" is. Nearly 170,000 likes and 450 comments follow, beginning with this kind one: "Not all heroes wear capes. Some have glorious mustaches and drink beer." Others continue to compliment Reid, claiming he is their inspiration and "Canadian hero." One shares, "If this isn't me in five years, I don't want life."

A few offer ideas for *their* perfect night: Fishing rods and tubes for tubing are added to lists. This person spoke in code, but it seems pretty clear what they mean: "Personally we would camp there and fish and also shmoke shome shmeed."

This wouldn't be the first time Nolan Reid has graced our pages. Within the last year, my Upworthy colleague Evan Porter shared a story from Reid where he lists "12 things that make men happy." (Among them, again, beer and skipping rocks. He adds in a good dog by your side and more.)

In fact, Reid's entire page seems dedicated to finding joy in the little tiny things we forget might make us feel good. Much of it is the pleasures of camping, with simple videos of Reid making breakfast. (These are often scored by Tragically Hip songs, because of course.)


@nolanreid7

Breaky in a beauty spot @Scout Campers #mountains #breakfast #hellyeah #MuzzyMade


via Canva

A woman writing her to-don't list.

There are never enough hours in the day to get everything done. Even if there were, who’d have enough energy to do it? Most people spend their days caring for their family and trying to earn a living and by the end of the day, there isn’t enough time to spend on themselves.

On top of that, if you’re living in most of the developed world, hustle culture also suggests you have a hobby that you’re trying to turn into a career. There’s also the pressure to spend a few hours a week volunteering at your kid's school while having a regular workout routine and ensuring you drink 64 ounces of water before lunchtime.

It can all be ridiculous. That’s why therapists suggest that in addition to writing to-do lists every morning, we should write “to don’t” lists to ensure that we aren’t wasting our time and energy on things that don’t matter.


Dr. Amantha Imber, an organizational psychologist, recently told ABC News that the cult of hyper-productivity can be “flawed.”

"It leads to feelings of guilt, exhaustion and burnout, because, essentially, time is finite. Yet, we're always adding more things to our to-do list in the hope that it will get us ahead," Dr. Imber says. "The purpose of a to-don't list is to reflect on habits you want to break or things you want to do differently.”

to-do list, to-don't list, productivityA man writing a list.via Ivan Samkov/Pexels

How to write a to-don't list

Dr. Imber suggests that we examine the tasks we can stop doing and put them on our to-don’t list. Examples include overcommitting to social engagements, needing to do chores while working from home, or packing your kid an elaborate lunch in the morning when what they’re serving in the school cafeteria is fine.

The key is to be realistic about the amount of time and energy that you have.

It’s also essential to think about the daily habits that prevent you from getting everything done, such as scrolling through TikTok, going to a coffee shop instead of brewing it at home, taking unnecessary meetings and responding to emails that aren’t a top priority. "It's hip to focus on getting things done, but it's only possible once we remove the constant static and distraction. If you have trouble deciding what to do, just focus on not doing," Tim Ferriss, author of “The 4-Hour Work Week,” said, according to Mindjournals.

If the average person removed one social media app from their phone, they could probably develop a life-changing meditation habit.

to-do list, to don't-list, productivityA woman writing a list.via Thirdman/Pexels

How to write a successful list

The key to success with your to-don’t list is to write it down. A study by Dr. Gail Matthews, a psychology professor at Dominican University in California, found that you are 42% more likely to achieve your goals if you write them down. That works even if your goal is not to do something.

Here’s an example of a to-don’t list:

1. No social media until lunchtime

2. Get my kid velcro shoes (no tying, no knots)

3. Don’t respond to memes sent by friends until after work

4. Worry about the news when you are done with work

5. No playing games on the phone

6. Say no to meetings that could be emails

7. Make coffee at home instead of going to the drive-thru

8. Go out to lunch with the co-worker who is an energy vampire

9. Don't worry about the kid being late to soccer practice

10. Don't to everything

11. Plan a dinner that needs to be marinated during the day

The cool thing is that once you commit to a to-don’t list, you will quickly begin to notice all the things you would love to eliminate from your day so you can make more room for the things that make you happy.