Upworthy's book GOOD PEOPLE, now available - take a look!

Shop
 Explore 

listening skills

Community

Expert shares the simple small talk mistake almost everyone makes—and how to fix it

"It’s a natural impulse—we want to relate, to show we understand."

via Canva/Photos

A group of friends having a chat.

You might be shocked to learn that many people don’t like making small talk. Surprise, right? They either believe it’s beneath them to talk about mundane subjects or don’t see the benefit of discussing the weather, sports, or television with people they hardly know.

However, these folks are missing a very valuable form of interaction that can help them with their love lives, friendships, and careers. They also remove themselves from situations where they can elevate small talk to something more valuable and meaningful.

Jefferson Fisher, a Texas personal injury attorney and communications expert, has become massively popular on Instagram—with nearly 6 million followers—for sharing tips “to help people argue less and talk more.” While promoting his new book, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More, Fisher discussed the number one problem people have while making small talk.

What's the biggest mistake people make during small talk?

"They unknowingly turn the conversation back to themselves too quickly," Fisher tells Parade. "It’s a natural impulse—we want to relate, to show we understand. But what often happens is that we hijack the conversation."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"For example, someone says, 'I just got back from a trip to Italy,' and instead of asking about their experience, we jump in with, 'Oh, I’ve been to Italy several times, it’s great.' It’s well-meaning, but it can come across as dismissive,” Fisher said. “Instead, focus on them. Ask open-ended questions like, 'That’s wonderful, what was your favorite part?' Small talk isn’t about impressing people, it’s about making them feel seen and heard."

See on Instagram

Fisher’s advice echoes that of the great Dale Carnegie, author of the 1936 classic How to Win Friends and Influence People. In the book, Carnegie says, “To be interesting, be interested.” Carnegie’s advice is counterintuitive because we are taught to believe that being likable means dominating conversations and entertaining the other person. However, Carnegie thinks that people who are generous listeners tend to make a better first impression.

How to be more likable

Researchers at Harvard University found that when you ask someone a question, people will like you more if, after they answer, you ask them two more follow-up questions. So, if you ask, “Where did you go last summer?” And they reply, Italy, you can follow that up with two questions about their favorite city and the restaurant they’ll never forget. Then, you can tell them that you’ve been there, too.

“We identify a robust and consistent relationship between question-asking and liking,” the study's authors write. “People who ask more questions, particularly follow-up questions, are better liked by their conversation partners.”

conversation, small talk, chatting, discussion, communication Two people have a conversation. Credit: Fauxels/Pexel

People will take a shine to you after you ask a few questions because it shows that you are listening and interested in what they say. “Follow-up questions are an easy and effective way to keep the conversation going and show that the asker has paid attention to what their partner has said,” the researchers write.

While at first, it may take a little practice to ask follow-up questions instead of turning the conversation to your experiences and opinions, it should take some pressure off the need to be interesting. Now, instead of trying to wow people with your stories, all you have to do is listen to theirs, and they’ll like you all the more for it.

This article originally appeared in May. It has been updated.

From Your Site Articles

small talk

Parenting

More parents are installing landlines for their kids and the benefits are undeniable

Memorizing numbers is making a comeback.

Photo credit: Canva

More parents are installing landlines for their kids; the benefits are undeniable.

Do you remember chatting with your friends on a three-way call, wrapping the phone cord around your finger while you got the scoop on what happened during 4th-period lunch? If not, then you were probably born after cellphones became the norm. But for older people, a time was had back then—and now, today's kids might get to experience that nostalgic telephone experience, too.

More parents are starting to install landline phones for their kids instead of getting them cellphones. Older generations often complain that Gen Z seems to lack social skills, but they're the first generation to grow up without house phones. It turns out that all those hours spent chatting on the landline may have been a key factor in developing effective communication skills.

kids cell phone; kids landline; landlines; communication; low tech life; old school parenting; social skills Relaxing chat with a vintage vibe.Photo credit: Canva

However, for parents now, the development of communication skills is a welcome, unexpected side effect of trying to keep their kids off smartphones for a little longer. In 2025, it may seem imperative that a child have a cellphone so they can stay in touch with their family members. Latchkey kids may be seen as a thing of the past, but they still exist when kids age out of after-school care. That means parents who are concerned about safety may turn to cellphones a little earlier than they'd like to make sure their kids make it into the house after getting off the bus.

A cellphone may help a child communicate that they've made it home, but it doesn't protect them from the dangers of having unfettered access to the Internet and social media. This is why some parents are turning to landlines again, and they're pleasantly surprised by the results.

kids cell phone; kids landline; landlines; communication; low tech life; old school parenting; social skills Children immersed in their smartphones outdoors.Photo credit: Canva

"My husband and I decided to kind of pause the screen path that so many people were on, but we pivoted and surprised her with a landline," Caron Morse tells The Today Show.

The mom was able to convince a few other parents to join in, watching the circle of landlines grow for her daughter. However, having a constantly busy phone wasn't the sweet side effect—it was the increased communication skills. "It sounds so weird to say that bringing a landline into the house was my smartest parenting choice, but in my heart I really feel like this was an important pivot," the mom says.

Paul Zalewski, co-founder of Fathercraft, shares with Parents Magazine that he installed a cordless landline complete with an answering machine for his kids. He tells the magazine that the shift was deliberate so his kids can practice real conversations, adding, “Their overall communication has become more intentional. Since the landline is voice only, they think before they speak. [The phone] has played a crucial role in building confidence and competence. The older one, in particular, has taken on small adult-like tasks, such as calling to confirm logistics or leaving an important message. We see that responsibility translates into other areas of independence.”

kids cell phone; kids landline; landlines; communication; low tech life; old school parenting; social skills Boy absorbed in his phone, lying on a cozy bed.Photo credit: Canva

It was even great for their listening skills. The same thing goes for parents who have ditched full-time cell phone use to have a landline in the house. Patty Schepel writes for The Every Mom about her unexpected positive outcome when she switched to using a landline for a week after realizing her child was competing with her phone for attention.

She explains, "My goal was to get rid of my phone-separation anxiety, and I wanted to be more present with my kids. However, I was floored by all the additional benefits that came out of this experience." She lists, "I sat with my thoughts. I was in a better mood. I felt more present with my kids. I noticed fewer behavioral issues with my son. I was more productive. I called my friends and had more meaningful conversations." Schepel says the experiment made her realize that she didn't actually need to be connected all the time or jump onto the emotional rollercoaster that is social media.

kids cell phone; kids landline; landlines; communication; low tech life; old school parenting; social skills Kids enjoying screen time together outside.Photo credit: Canva

Giving a child a smartphone is a huge decision, especially if it's not a restricted phone like the Bark or Gabb phones that allow complete parental control. However, even with phones like that, introducing the phone can create a habit that some parents may not be ready to contend with. Childhood digital safety expert for Bark Technologies, Titania Jordan, tells Parents Magazine, “Slow, intentional access protects kids from the dangers and stress of life online. I’ve never met a parent who wished they’d handed over tech earlier—only ones who wish they’d waited longer. This landline trend is just one sign of a larger move toward slower, lower-tech childhoods.”

From Your Site Articles

low tech life

Community

Guy shares the 11 techniques that helped him completely overcome his social awkwardness

"I used to be the guy who'd avoid eye contact, give one-word answers, and somehow make every conversation die."

Image via Canva

Man explains how he overcame being socially award.

If you feel socially awkward, you're not alone. Many Americans report feeling it. According to a 2022 YouGov poll, one in four Americans (26%) say they're much or somewhat more awkward than other people. Social awkwardness can negatively impact social, family, and work relationships.

On Reddit, member @Everyday-Improvement opened up about how he overcame social awkwardness. "I was socially awkward for 5 years," he shared. "Used to be the guy who'd avoid eye contact, give one-word answers, and somehow make every conversation die. Small talk felt like torture. Group settings made me want to hide in the bathroom."

To help him, he sought out the Dale Carnegie's book How to Win Friends and Influence People. He writes that he had previously read it "probably 5 times but never actually did anything with it. Just highlighted passages and felt smart for 10 minutes. Finally decided to treat it like a playbook instead of philosophy and holy sh*t, people actually started liking me."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

In his post, he decided to share the 11 techniques that he took away from the book that "changed everything" for him. He added, "People actually seek out my opinion now. Invitations to social stuff increased by like 300%. Family gatherings stopped feeling like interrogations. Also time with friends have been the best. Being genuinely interested in others is way less work than trying to be interesting yourself. When you focus on making other people feel good, they associate those positive feelings with you."

The biggest takeaway? Change is possible. "Most social skills advice tells you to 'just be yourself.' But if 'yourself' is socially awkward, that's terrible advice. Carnegie's book taught me that social skills are learnable skills, not personality traits you're born with," he noted. "Took me 5 years to figure out that people don't care how smart or funny or interesting you are. They care about how you make them feel. Once I started focusing on that, everything else fell into place."

These are 11 tips to help you become less socially awkward.

1. Names are literally magic words.
"Started using people's names way more than felt natural. 'Thanks for the coffee, Sarah' instead of just 'thanks.' 'Good point, Mike' instead of 'good point.' Felt weird at first but people light up when they hear their own name. Their whole face changes," he wrote.

thanks, thank you, name, saying name, acknowledgement Maribeth Monroe Hug GIF by CBS Giphy

2. Became genuinely curious about random stuff.
He successfully implemented this by asking follow-up questions when in conversation with others. If someone talked about hiking, he'd follow up with simple but engaged questions like, "''What's the hardest part about the trail?', 'Do you see wildlife?', or 'How do you know which gear to bring?' Turns out most topics are fascinating if you dig past surface level,'" he shared.

3. Stopped trying to be the smartest person in the room.
To do this, he explained that he stopped correcting people and one-upping people's stories. "[I] Started asking 'How did you figure that out?' or 'What made you think of that approach?' instead. People love explaining their thought process and you actually learn stuff," he wrote.

4. Let people save face when they mess up.
"Coworker made a mistake in a meeting? Instead of pointing it out, I'd say 'Maybe we should double-check the numbers' or 'I might be missing something here.' They fix the error without looking stupid. They remember who had their back," he noted.

5. Actually listened instead of waiting for my turn to talk.
He noticed that he was not actively listening to others, and was always preparing responses rather than paying attention to what others were saying. To change this, he started to ask follow-up questions when someone answered.

"Conversations became way less exhausting because I wasn't constantly having to think what to say next," he explained.

listen, listening, active listening, actively listening, listen gif Prince What GIF Giphy

6. Found common ground with literally everyone.
The key for him was to find shared experiences and not focus on differences. "Turns out the a coworker and I both hate morning meetings. The quiet intern and I both love obscure podcasts. The annoying coworker and I both struggle with work-life balance. Connection beats competition every time," he shared.

7. Became a hype man for other people's wins.
He became a cheerleader for others, highlighting their successes. "'Did you hear Sarah closed that big deal?' 'Mike's presentation was incredible, did you see it?' Takes zero effort but people remember who celebrates their success."

hype man, hype up, hyping, hype gif, celebrate Season 20 Nbc GIF by The Voice Giphy

8. Stopped arguing about stupid stuff.
Rather than adopt a combative attitude that resulted in debate, he chose to let things go. "Now when someone says something I disagree with, I either let it go or say 'I never thought about it that way' and actually consider their perspective. Relationships improved overnight," he added.

9. Started admitting when I was wrong.
Taking a humble approach when making mistakes paid off. "'You're right, I messed that up' became my new superpower," he explained. "People expect defensiveness, so honesty catches them off guard. They usually respond with understanding instead of judgment."

admit wrong, i was wrong, i stand corrected, wrong, admit Paramount Network Beth Dutton GIF by Yellowstone Giphy

10. Asked for advice instead of giving it.
A big change: he stopped telling people what they should do. "I started asking 'What do you think would work best?' or 'What's your gut telling you?' People already know their answers most of the time, they just want someone to listen," he shared.

11. Made people feel important.
Finally, making sure others felt noticed became priority. "'I really liked how you handled that difficult client' or 'Your way of explaining complex stuff makes so much sense.' Genuine appreciation, not generic compliments," he wrote.

From Your Site Articles

social awkwardness

Science

If you do this weird thing with your finger, it'll actually make you a better listener

The body is wired in strange ways.

via Canva/Photos

A woman listening intently and some fingers on a desk chair.

Have you ever gone on a date and were afraid you may not be able to pay perfect attention to the person you’re seeing because you’ll be in a noisy restaurant or club? Have you ever been to a networking event and had difficulty hearing people because of loud music or the rattling of plates and glasses? Find it hard to listen to a child tell how they got hurt while playing on a noisy playground?

We all encounter situations where it might be a little difficult to understand the people we are speaking to. However, a new study out of Aix-Marseille University in France shows a way to improve your hearing and listening comprehension in chaotic environments significantly. Strangely enough, it involves your fingers.

How to improve listening in loud places.

In three separate studies, the researchers found that tapping your finger in a medium rhythmic pattern, about two taps a second, can increase your ability to hear and comprehend what people are saying. The medium pace follows what’s known as the “lexical word rate,” or how quickly people speak.

conversation, night out, club, restaurant, science Hear each other better.via Canva/Photos

“The motor system is known to process temporal information, and moving rhythmically while listening to a melody can improve auditory processing," the scientists wrote in their report. "In three interrelated behavioral experiments, we demonstrate that this effect translates to speech processing. Motor priming improves the efficiency of subsequent naturalistic speech-in-noise processing under specific conditions."

In plain English, the scientists mean that moving to music helps our brains hear better. They also found that it can improve understanding of speech in noisy places.

The scientists thought that music might play a role in improving listening and comprehension. So, they did an experiment where people listened to some songs before their hearing was tested, and that didn’t improve things very much. But they found that people who performed physical tasks, such as dancing or mild exercise, before having their listening checked found some improvement in speech recognition. But the best way was through “rhythmic priming,” meaning getting yourself ready by tapping out some beats.

dinner, date, conversation, quality, talking, listening Make a better connection when you can actually hear and absorb what someone is saying. via Canva/Photos

"These findings provide evidence for the functional role of the motor system in processing the temporal dynamics of naturalistic speech," the researchers noted.

Why is it important to be a good listener?

Improving listening skills can be a huge advantage, whether looking to make friends, advance your career, or meet the person of your dreams. While great talkers often get all the attention and accolades, people with excellent listening skills are likely to be seen as likable when making a first impression.

group, conversation, crowd, listening, hearing, understanding No matter how noisy it is, you can make the other person feel heard. via Canva/Photos

Matt Abrahams, a Stanford communications expert and host of the Think Fast, Talk Smart podcast, says that people should stop feeling the pressure to be interesting and instead work to be interested.

“A lot of us put tremendous pressure on ourselves to be interesting,” Abrahams told Inc. “We want to say exciting, valuable, relevant stuff, and it’s the wrong mindset. I think many of us see small talk as a tennis match where the goal is to get the ball over the net and score. I think we should see it more like hacky sack. The goal is to serve it to the person so they can get it and serve it back to you. Success is when you all work together.”

Being a great listener is a superpower that most people overlook. It gives you a distinct advantage over others, whether you’re trying to get a second date or a promotion. Now, we can improve our listening and comprehension in distracting environments by tapping out our favorite song on our index fingers before the big sit-down.

From Your Site Articles

listening skills

Joy

'Making everyone feel included': 14 of the most 'attractive' social skills you can have

"A very underrated one is being able to make the person you are talking to feel good/smart about themselves."

via Canva/Photos

A man and woman hitting it off on a date.

When people talk about those with excellent social skills, we often say they are charismatic, have a way with people, or were born with the gift of gab. They may have an “infectious energy” or be able to talk to anyone. It can often seem like these are innate qualities that someone is born with, but they are also skills most can learn.

One of the easiest ways to become more sociable is to improve your listening skills. Studies show that people who are great at listening ask genuine questions, are attentive, and pay attention to body language. Also, by presenting positive body language, you can give the impression to others that you are more approachable and are intently listening to what the other person is saying.

That being said, some barriers make it harder for some people to develop excellent social skills. A lot of it has to do with how they were raised. “Learning social skills can be difficult if you weren’t exposed to traditional group dynamics as a child, if you struggle with a mental illness like anxiety or depression, or even if you just didn’t have a lot of positive role models when you were growing up,” Eric Ravenscraft writes for The New York Times.

conversation, attractive social skills, great conversationalist Two women having a great converation. via Canva/Photos

Another way to improve one’s social skills is to find what other people find attractive, not just in a romantic sense, but what makes them enjoyable to be around. A Redditor on the Social Skills subforum asked people what the “most attractive “social skill” and people sounded off the things that make people a pleasure to talk to and be around.

Here are 14 of the “most attractive” social skills.

1. Making everyone feel included

"Being able to make everyone feel included. I am a bit of an anxious mess sometimes, and I LOVE the type of person that just makes you feel accepted/included/ a part of the group."

2. Appropriate amount of eye contact

"Not afraid to break eye contact, but not too long enough to make the other person feel uncomfortable. Not being afraid to open up or tell something vulnerable."

"Knowing how to break away eye contact is never emphasized. Like, aren't people aware that intense eye contact looks psychopathic, creepy, or disturbing?"

3. They make people feel smart

"A very underrated one is being able to make the person you are talking to feel good/smart about themselves. I had a few mentors that did this. Anytime I’d say something, they would make me feel smart/good by responding, 'Yes, you are totally right,' or something along those lines. Of course, it needs to be genuine, but you can tell the difference in how people react. Also, if you know someone has knowledge about something, asking them questions about is great too."

conversation, attractive social skills, great conversationalist A man and woman having a great conversaion.via Canva/Photos

4. Being a good listener

"Being a good listener. I don't mean by just nodding and agreeing with the person and forgetting what they've told you or submitting yourself to a ranter because you're a people pleaser. I mean when someone makes you feel comfortable speaking, they ask questions, they engage, etc. Extra bonus if the speaker is also a listener and hasn't had anyone else to listen to them because others just use them."

"Women have this joke about 'Let a man speak for ten minutes and he’ll think he’s in love with you' but there’s reasons for that lol. For one thing, so many people are terrible listeners, so it is genuinely attractive. They’ve probably just never shut up for more than a few minutes in their life before. l And the other is that men are so deprived for healthy interactions like this where the other person actually cares about what they’re saying, that it genuinely means a lot to them because it’s so rare."

5. Laughing on cue

"As an awkward person, letting someone else take over the conversation while I smile and nod has never failed me."

6. Being funny

Humorous people aren't just fun to be around; studies show that when both men and women read someone's dating profile, those who are funny are more attractive. Research has found that one of the most important reasons is that funny people signal adaptability and creative problem-solving—traits crucial for maintaining long-term relationships. "In this sense, humor isn’t just about making people laugh—it may reflect an individual’s ability to approach challenges with flexibility and innovation, key traits for navigating a relationship’s ups and downs," Brian Collisson Ph.D. writes at Psychology Today.

7. A free-thinker

"Anyone who is able to unapologetically separate themselves from the Hive-Mind. It’s so easy to get caught up in the crowd and develop thoughts, opinions, and ideas of those you surround yourself with. So, anyone with the ability to objectively approach any situation, topic, or person without immediate judgement and rationally decipher thru all the bullsh*t regardless of what others may think or say…extremely attractive…and rare."

8. A good dancer

"I was going to say partner dancing lol. I've been learning to salsa dance at a social dance club near me, and it's been a blast. Have loved it so far."

"There’s a lot of communication and give and take going on in salsa dancing and other traditional Latin dances that are invisible to the naked eye. Definitely adds like 10 points if you’re good at it lol."

9. Soothing tone of voice

"People sometimes think connecting is about so many specifics: these particular words, that length of eye contact, some sort of posture etc. When, in fact, what people are MOST affected by is your tone of voice. If you're able to convey WARMTH you can win over 95 percent of people. I would define warmth as friendliness, extending an invitation with your voice, ACCEPTING people using your tone, and kind of an inherent confidence while doing that. It's something that I call a 'Vocal Hug.' Once you know how to do this, almost everything else falls into place."

10. True charisma

"You won’t get an answer 'cause it’s not something that can be described in words, just a feeling. When you’re there you know and when it’s done to you you know."

"It’s so obscure, but we all recognize it when we meet someone that has it. It’s a feeling. It’s all psychological."

11. Easy banter

"I love banter. I love an easy back-and-forth that doesn’t feel caustic or uncomfortable the way that teasing sometimes does, where you have to guess or overthink whether that comment was meant to push at your boundaries or not."

A man and woman having a fun conversation.via Canva/Photos

12. They're great 'explainers'

"For me, the most attractive social skill is the ability to explain something confidently in a way that makes everyone listen and understand."

13. Good words on a bad day

"Having nice words left despite being in a bad mood. Everyone knows following situation: Someone comes to work with a bad mood, starts getting mad about the smallest stuff, colleagues get pissed because they get yelled at for the smallest stuff and suddenly everyone is is pissed at each other. I have big respect for people that can be surrounded by such negativity and still find the time to give a smile, compliments and ask how you're doing."

14. They enjoy silence

"The people who don’t rush to fill every silence or feel the need to are AMAZING …. I wish one day i’ll meet someone i can enjoy silence with."

"Comfortable silences are always greatly appreciated. Conversation can be great and helpful at passing the time, but it’s a healthy sign that one is mentally/emotionally mature enough to realize that neither need to be constantly entertained like children. It can also indicate a person who genuinely enjoys being around you and is comforted by your presence."

"Facts. Silence isn’t awkward unless you make it awkward."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

From Your Site Articles

social skills

Family

Parenting coach says to throw your instincts out the window when dealing with an upset teen

It's time to use a new playbook when they become teenagers.

via Canva

A mother and teen daughter just aren't on the same page.

When a friend or coworker comes to us with a problem, it’s not hard to lend an ear and listen to them without judgment. Sometimes, adults just need to vent or talk about their problems to understand them better. However, as a parent, it can be challenging to sit and listen without trying to fix the problem or share some advice.

Jenny Hwang of Project Parent Coach says that when parents are dealing with an upset teenager, one of the best things you can do is sit and listen without judgment or sharing any unnecessary advice. Jenny Hwang, PhD, is a clinical psychologist licensed in New York State who coaches the parents of teens and young adults who are popular on social media with parents who need help raising teenagers.

Hwang starts her video by explaining that it's normal and healthy for your teen to feel stressed out. “Because your teen is doing what teens are supposed to be doing, which is wrestling with the fact that they're moving into a world that, while is full of lots of gratifying, also comes with tremendous responsibility and lots of uncertainty,” she says.

@projectparent
🤫 What’s not said is as important as what’s said when it comes to connecting with our teens. ‼️Parents often make the mistake of assuming that parenting means doing, improving, speaking, saying something - the ultimate “if you see something, say something” situation. 💥This backfires for many parents in the form of the teen behaving in a way that feels dismissive, disrespectful, and even more withdrawn. 💡Parents can regulate their emotions- that urgency to do or say because otherwise you feel like you’d be failing - and remember that your choice to not say something says a lot to our teens. ✅Silence isn’t just you not saying something. ✅It’s you choosing to hold your comments for the moment in the name of making space for your teen. ✅It’s deliberate. ✅And no, parents don’t get much credit for it. ✅What you’ll find over time is that if you make room for a little silence - ask one less question and just be - your teen will be more inclined to stay present with you. ✅It’s not about extremes - it’s not about never saying anything. It’s also not about saying everything. ✅Just remember our choice to not speak especially when we could is often experienced by our teens as grace. ✅It builds trust. 💡💡So, don’t forget to incorporate it into your other approaches with your teen! SHARE if you found this helpful!! #ParentingTeens #TeenBoundaries #ParentingTips #ConsciousParenting #ParentingWisdom #fyp #foryoupage #GentleParenting

How to comfort an upset teenager

Hwang’s prescription for parents who want to help their distressed teens is to fight their instinct to solve the problem. Hwang says we need to find the power to be silent. “Your most surefire way of creating space for your teen is to stop talking if your teen is dissatisfied,” Hwang says. "Don't take their dissatisfaction personally. Give yourself at least one time where, in the face of your teen's dissatisfaction, when you normally would be scrambling to try to make something better or to try to talk them out of how miserable they are, just let it be. Just let it be and watch how uncomfortable it's gonna feel.”

The parent coach says the teen years are a time to reevaluate how we react to things as parents. “Because this is how conditioned we are to feel like parenting equals doing. Parenting equals talking, parenting equals guiding,” Hwang says. “All of these things. But there is important parenting that happens in silence.”

upset teen, parenting teens, jenny hwang A mother listening to her teenage daughter.via Canva

"How do you always know what’s happening in my house? I struggle with this so much, but I’ve been trying more, and it’s actually been good. So uncomfortable, but good," Jane wrote in the comments. "I always tell my husband that sometimes we just need to listen to our son and validate his feelings. It's not our job to solve all of his problems," KG added.

How to listen to your teenager

The key to truly listening to your teen without lecturing, giving advice, or passing judgment is to understand the power you give them by listening. Barbara and John Frazier at The Successful Parent blog describes it perfectly. “When you can hear your child’s pain or suffering and hold it for her while she talks about it, you are lending her your strength. The message you send is ‘I can stand these feelings, and they won’t destroy me,’ which tells her, ‘You can stand them too, and they won’t destroy you either.’”

Sometimes, all a teen needs to get through a situation is the strength to do what they think is right or to make it through a trying, exhausting situation. By listening, you can reassure your teenager that they are worth being heard and that their experiences and feelings are valid. Now, after you have listened and empathized and are on the same page, you may ask, “Would you like me to help you figure this out?” And if the answer is no, that’s fine; it means you’ve already done your job.

From Your Site Articles

parenting

listening skills

Expert shares the simple small talk mistake almost everyone makes—and how to fix it

"It’s a natural impulse—we want to relate, to show we understand."

What's the biggest mistake people make during small talk?

How to be more likable

If you do this weird thing with your finger, it'll actually make you a better listener

The body is wired in strange ways.

How to improve listening in loud places.

Why is it important to be a good listener?

1. Making everyone feel included

2. Appropriate amount of eye contact

3. They make people feel smart

4. Being a good listener

5. Laughing on cue

6. Being funny

7. A free-thinker

8. A good dancer

9. Soothing tone of voice

10. True charisma

11. Easy banter

12. They're great 'explainers'

13. Good words on a bad day

14. They enjoy silence

Parenting coach says to throw your instincts out the window when dealing with an upset teen

It's time to use a new playbook when they become teenagers.

How to comfort an upset teenager

How to listen to your teenager

27 English words people have a hard time enunciating properly, even native speakers

Man uses the shoe aisle to perfectly explain why middle-class Americans are hurting

A fun personality test determines 'how you love' based on your animal archetype

Mom creates groundbreaking way to teach her kids about chores with a 'Notice and Do' list

Land O’Lakes and Clove are filling the nation’s food banks with much-needed butter and shoes