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Relationship expert tells people to never get married unless you're willing to do 3 things

"If you and your partner (both) are unable or unwilling to do these 3 things consistently forever, you won’t make it."

relationships; marriage; marriage advice; relationship expert; Jayson Gaddis
Canva/Jayson Gaddis Twitter Screenshot

Relationship expert gives people advice on getting married.

Being in a relationship can be difficult at times. Learning someone else's quirks, boundaries, and deep views on the world can be eye-opening and hard. But usually, the happy chemicals released in our brain when we love someone can cause us to overlook things in order to keep the peace.

Jayson Gaddis, a relationship expert, took to Twitter to rip off people's rose-colored glasses and tell them to forego marriage. Honestly, with the divorce rate in this country being as high as it is, he probably could've stopped his tweet right there. Don't get married, the end. Many people would've probably related and not questioned the bold statement, but thankfully he followed up with three things you must be willing to do before going to the chapel.

Before going into his reasons for why he tells people not to get married, Gaddis explained that he is a person that "LOVEs being married." I mean, it would probably make him a pretty weird relationship expert if he hated relationships, so it's probably a good thing he enjoys being married. Surely his spouse appreciates his stance as well.

So why does he tell unsuspecting people not to get married? "Because a long-term partnership might be one of the hardest paths out there. It will confront everything about you and your partner. Your relationship skills will be tested. And all your unresolved childhood trauma will come to the surface," Gaddis wrote.

Unresolved childhood trauma can become a major problem in relationships because oftentimes our trauma is present in how we react to conflict or relationship strain. According to Kaytee Gillis, LCSW-BACS, childhood trauma manifests in relationships in multiple ways including fear of abandonment, being easily irritated, constantly arguing or avoiding conflict at all costs.

It's not unwise to tuck that bit of information in your pocket if you're thinking about a long-term relationship, and Gaddis bringing this to the forefront will certainly benefit someone. That's not to say you can't be in a relationship if you have trauma; Gaddis is simply suggesting that you be aware of your traumas and how they may show up in the course of a relationship.

He then went on to get into his actual list of things couples should be willing to do before they get married in order to have a successful marriage.

"Learn. Learn about you, learn about them. Never stop learning about yourself and each other in the context of your relationship," he wrote, which falls right in line with his pre-numbered suggestions.

Now, the second suggestion may have people quickly raising an eyebrow, especially if they don't like conflict. Gaddis suggested embracing "conflict, adversity and challenges" and getting "very very good at repairing it and working it through 100% of the time."

That's a good one. Conflict resolution is a skill and committing to sharpening it and using it every single time could save some relationships. The third may help preemptively alleviate some unforeseen power struggles and I'm here for it.

"Share leadership and collaborate. Being teammates about everything and sharing the load together is crucial. Be honest about how hard it is to share leadership and get better at it," Gaddis tweeted before elaborating further in the thread.

The author and relationship expert bluntly stated that if both people can't agree to do those three suggestions, then the couple would not survive. Gaddis rounded out the Twitter thread by explaining that unless you're ready to work on yourself and commit to the three things listed, you should stay single.

Ouch. Harsh words, but it's better to come from a behavior and relationship expert than anyone else.

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Community

Georgia school board refuses the resignation of outed superintendent. Community in full support.

"Cheers erupted among hundreds of students and other community members and colleagues who gathered in support."

Canva

Georgia school board refuses the resignation of outed superintendent

It should go without saying that having your private business shared with people you didn't consent to hearing about it can be upsetting. But imagine having it shared publicly, with the entire town after you took on a prominent role. It would be devastating. Except what happened to Dawn Clements, interim superintendent of Ben Hill County Georgia, was even more upsetting. Someone publicly outed her as gay.

Coming out as part of the LGBTQ+ community is something that someone does on their own time in the way they feel most comfortable. It can take years for someone to build up the courage to do it, and some people never feel comfortable enough to share that part of themselves with the world. But no matter when or if someone comes out, their existence within and outside of the queer community is still valid.

And while many people respect that the decision to come out is deeply personal, not everyone does and Clements was on the receiving end of hateful behavior. According to LGBTQ Nation, Danny Pate wrote the letter outing Clements as gay and sent it to local pastors before the letter began circulating the community. This led to Clements handing in her resignation.

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georgia
Science

A group Shell's own investors is suing board of directors over its climate change strategy

Failure to take care of the planet is a real business risk.

via Eddie/Flickr

A truck carrying Shell gasoline.

In a historic legal maneuver, ClientEarth is personally suing 11 of Shell’s board of directors for failing to bring its business policies in line with the Paris Agreement. The suit is the first time that a corporate board of directors has been sued due to a lack of climate action.

The Paris Agreement is a landmark 2015 international treaty to reduce global warming below 2° and, preferably, 1.5° Celcius.

ClientEarth is a Shell shareholder, giving it the right to bring a suit against the company for failure to manage the risk posed by climate change under the UK Companies Act.

“Shell’s Board is legally required to manage risks to the company that could harm its future success, and the climate crisis presents the biggest risk of them all,” ClientEarth said in a statement.

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climate change
Pop Culture

Melanie Lynskey has perfect response after being told her body didn't fit her 'The Last Of Us' role

"I don’t need to be muscly. That’s what henchmen are for."

Last of Us Wiki/ Twitter

"I don’t need to be muscly. That’s what henchmen are for."

In HBO’s “The Last of Us,” actress Melanie Lynskey plays Kathleen—a tough, formidable villain and ruthless leader of a rebel alliance, not to mention apocalypse survivor.

Do these attributes require any particular sort of body type? Common sense screams no. And yet, outdated views dictate that the answer must be yes.

Case in point: former "America's Top Model'' winner Adrianne Curry recently criticized the legitimacy of Lynskey for the role solely because of her naturally soft body frame, implying that only someone toned and athletic could pull it off.

Referencing a photo of Lynskey in a dress for InStyle Magazine, Curry tweeted, "her body says life of luxury...not post apocolyptic [sic] warlord. where is linda hamilton when you need her?"

Lynskey, who is no stranger to standing up to body critics, had some choice words to say in response.

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celebrity
Education

Sojourner Truth's real 'Ain't I a Woman?' speech was nothing like the famous one we all read

A prime example of how historical distortions can paint a totally inaccurate picture.

Public Domain/Wikimedia Commons

The famous Sojourner Truth speech most of us learned is a fabrication.

For generations, students have read the extemporaneous speech Sojourner Truth gave at the Ohio Women’s Rights Convention in 1851, known widely as "Ain't I a Woman?" As a formerly enslaved Black woman speaking out against slavery and for women's rights, Truth made some powerful points in her speech—except the speech most of us read is almost nothing like the one she delivered.

The way "Ain't I a Woman?" is written makes it sound as if Truth walked straight off a Southern plantation. But Truth was a Northerner her entire life. The Southern dialect that permeates the popular version of her speech is a total fabrication.

It wasn't Truth who altered her speech, though. A white abolitionist woman named Frances Dana Gage published the speech 12 years after it was given, and her version is the one that became popularized, in all its glorious inaccuracy.

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black history
Democracy

Man tracks down the family that saved his life by hiding him during the Holocaust 80 years ago

His dying wish was to thank them.

via MyHeritage

David Rossler returns to the place where he hid from the Nazis during World War II.

David Rossler, 84, and his mother were taken in by Georges Bourlet and his four young adult children in 1944 and allowed to hide in their home in Brussels in the waning months of World War II. Rossler and his mother were Jewish, and Belgium was occupied by Nazi Germany. If caught, they’d be taken to a concentration camp.

Rossler had already lost his uncle and grandfather after they were taken to Auschwitz concentration camp in Poland and he would lose his father, hiding elsewhere, to an illness.

Bourlet and his family were also in danger if they were caught hiding the mother and child from the Nazis. "People who protected Jews were simply risking their lives. You wouldn't end up in jail, but in Auschwitz—and Auschwitz, you didn't end up anywhere but in the crematoria," Rossler said in a video produced by MyHeritage.com.

After Allied forces liberated Belgium in 1945, Rossler, who was born Daniel Langa and later took the name of his stepfather, moved to Austria and lost touch with the Bourlets.

As Rossler entered his 80s and was in declining health, his final wish was to thank Bourlet’s family for the incredible bravery and humanity he showed him and his mother during the war.

For years, Lionel Rossler, David’s son, did everything he could to find the family, including putting ads in the paper and posting on social media. After one such post, he received a message from Marie Cappart, country manager for MyHeritage in Belgium, who wanted to help.

MyHeritage is an online genealogy platform with 90 million family trees. Rossler's story hit close to home with Cappart.

"My husband lost his grandfather during the war. He died at the concentration camp in Auschwitz-Birkenau," Cappart told Newsweek. "My own great-grandmother also died in the camp at Ravensbrück. She was British and was in Belgium as part of the resistance. Sadly she was caught by the Nazis and deported. She never came back."

“After browsing records and cross-referencing data, Cappart found an Anne-Marie Bourlet, born in Auderghem in 1929,” Lionel said, according to SWNS. “She discovered that Anne-Marie married someone with the surname Dedoncker and had five children—all of them possibly still alive.”

“After a bit more research, Cappart found Xavier, one of Georges Bourlet’s grandsons, and managed to contact him,” he continued.

Finally, after 75 years, David Rossler returned to the place where he hid in 1944 and 1945 and thanked Bourlet’s five grandchildren.

“It was an incredibly emotional day for us,” Lionel explained. “I was able to see, with my own eyes, the place where my father was kept safe from the Germans all those years ago.”

“If I had Mr. Bourlet in front of me, I would want to kiss him,” said David. “To say thank you with all my body, with all my life, I am alive, I have a family of which I am very, very, very proud. To tell him that my life is thanks to him.”

Bourlet didn’t know it then, but his bravery saved the lives of nine people.

“Because of his heroic action, Georges was able to save the lives of my father and grandmother,” Lionel said. “Nine people were saved thanks to what he did; my brother, myself and our children would not be here today if not for his courage and kindness.”

As a final “thank you” to Bourlet and his family, the Rosslers want him to be recognized as Righteous Among The Nations at Yad Vashem, the World Holocaust Remembrance Center. This honor is for non-Jews who risked everything during the Holocaust to save Jewish people.

The medal given to honorees has an inscription with the Hebrew saying: "Whosoever saves a single life, saves an entire universe.”

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holocaust
Motherhood

LGBTQ daughter surprises mother with pregnancy after secret IVF

She thought she would never have grandchildren and got the surprise of a lifetime.

Aurelia TikTok screenshots

LGBTQ daughter surprises mother with pregnancy after secret IVF.

Many parents dream of becoming grandparents. Oftentimes, people think about grandkids before they even become a parent as a "when I'm old" daydream about what life will be like at a later stage. It shouldn't be surprising that some parents of adult children may feel a little bummed when their child decides not to have children or can't have them. Or in some cases, parents assume their child's membership in the LGBTQ community would prevent them from having babies.

The majority of parents simply want their children to be happy, so they readjust their dream and support their children. But in the case of one mom of an adult child, her assumption was simply wrong.

TikTok creator Aurelia uploaded a video to reveal a birthday surprise for her mother wrapped in a large box. She explains to her mom why she's recording but doesn't give away what's inside the box.

Shortly after unwrapping it, Aurelia's mom pulls a teddy bear dressed in a t-shirt and little pants out of the box. Through excited confusion, she yells, "What is this?!" before Aurelia instructs her to press the paw on the bear.

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lgbtq
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