Programs for young fathers are lacking. So one man made his own. And now it's thriving.
When Barry McIntosh used to give presentations about young fathers, he'd open with a straightforward question: "Are moms important?"
The response is pretty obvious. "What a stupid question to ask! Of course they’re important!" McIntosh says with a chuckle. So he follows up with another. "But, you know, are fathers important then? And the subtext of that is, well, maybe there’s a question around that."
Barry McIntosh (right) with bilingual case manager Gabriel Ortega. All images via Barry McIntosh, used with permission.
McIntosh is the founder and former director of the program Young Fathers of Santa Fe, which helps coach and support teen dads.
He's retired now and has turned over the directorship to his close friend and colleague Johnny Wilson but McIntosh still stays very much involved with the cause. "There are so many programs for mothers, and there’s very few programs for fathers," says McIntosh. "They want to be great dads, but they don’t know how."
He has a point. When it comes to teenage parents, most national programs do focus on the needs of the teen mother, often leaving young fathers overlooked. So when they want to play an active role in their kid's life, it can be hard for them to know how — and the long list of daddy duties can be intimidating and confusing.
That's why Young Fathers of Santa Fe provides guidance and assistance for every step a father might take — from helping obtain visitation rights to talking to their kid about the birds and the bees.
"We had a guy come in and he said: 'I've gotten a letter from the state that I owe child support. I didn’t even know I had a kid!'" McIntosh recalls. But they took a breath and came up with a plan of action to help him become the father his kid needed.
"Eventually, he was getting overnights and he was being part of his kid’s life as any other dad would be."
Gabriel Ortega (second from left) with three young fathers graduating from Capital High School.
"It could be getting a job, finding housing, could be raising the kid, taking the kid into child care, getting a good babysitter that you can trust," enumerates McIntosh. "We’re not necessarily gonna tell them what to do, but we’re gonna help them come up with solutions to their own problems."
Of course, the young moms are very much welcome to be part of the process. "They love it, but there’s usually a little trepidation at first," says McIntosh. "They think it’s a bunch of guys talking about their girlfriends." On the contrary, it's a bunch of guys talking about how they want to build a family.
Young Fathers of Santa Fe also does a lot of work around reducing teen pregnancy through their other program, the Future Men Project.
"It's working with seventh- and eighth-graders, sometimes sixth-graders," adds McIntosh. "Trying to help them realize what it means to be a man and a responsible man, so that when they’re ready to become a father, this is a planned child."
Considering New Mexico has the highest teen pregnancy rate in the country, a program like this has the power to change a lot of lives.
Advisory board member Marcus Vigil and his son Marcus Jr.
"It's helped me out a bunch because I didn't know any information about being a father," says Marcus Vigil. Vigil is one of the young fathers in the program; he entered in 2010 and is now on the advisory board, helping educate other young fathers on the responsibilities of parenthood and how to prevent early pregnancies.
Vigil's advice to other would-be fathers? "Don’t be scared. Don’t get afraid," he says. "Just work at being a father because you can do it and it could be the best thing that could happen in your life."
When these young fathers start paying it forward and mentoring the future generation, that's when you know the program has done something special.
"I continue to go back, and I stay engaged," says Vigil. "Just try to participate so that I can make a difference in someone else's life."
"This is the exceptionally cool part," adds McIntosh. In fact, one of the young fathers he worked with, Richard "Vivo" Cornejo, started his own program in Texas focusing on the same cause.
Richard "Vivo" Cornejo (left) snapping a selfie with his son.
Truly amazing things can happen now that these men know they have the support they need to be the best dads they can be. "There is always somebody that will help, that wants you to be a great dad," says McIntosh.
"If you want to be a great dad, you can do it. You may have to do it yourself, but you don’t have to do it alone."
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There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."