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Former corporate strategist reveals the real reason all Millennials' favorite stores are gone

Toys R Us, KB Toys, Party City, Red Lobster... it's all the same story.

economy, business, stores, private equity, capitalism, jobs, layoffs, nostalgia, millennials, 2000s

Photo credit: Canva

A lot of the most popular stores from the 2000s are closing up shop. But it's not just because time passed them by.

Remember Party City? In the early 2000s, it was the place to buy Halloween costumes, birthday party decorations, or helium balloons. Sadly, Party City filed for bankruptcy in recent years and closed the last of its stores in early 2025. The move took a lot of people who still enjoyed shopping there by surprise.

If it feels like Party City isn't the only mainstay business Millennials grew up frequenting that's shut down lately—and that's because it's not. Other big nostalgic chains that have all-but closed up shop in recent years include Toys R Us, KB Toys, Red Lobster, Joanne's Fabrics, TGI Fridays, Hooters, Big Lots, Kmart, Sports Authority... the list goes on and on and on.

A lot has changed in recent years, certainly. The pandemic permanently altered our in-person shopping habits and, of course, more and more of us are shopping online. Why go to a store when Amazon can bring anything to your doorstep in just two days? That shift has made it hard on a lot of businesses that were popular in the early 2000s.

economy, business, stores, private equity, capitalism, jobs, layoffs, nostalgia, millennials, 2000s A nearly empty Party City parking lot.By Mike Kalasnik/Wikimedia Commons

But Americans, collectively, didn't just decide to stop going to stores and restaurants. In fact, younger generations surprisingly prefer in-store shopping to online.

So, why are Toys R Us and Party City gone? Why has Red Lobster's Endless Shrimp finally come to an end? It would be an oversimplification to say these business failed and that time passed them by, an explanation that's missing one crucial factor: Private equity.

Sometimes these business were in trouble before shutting down. Sometimes, they weren't, or maybe could have adapted to modern times if given the chance.

David Lu, a former corporate strategist with Capital One, now makes informative TikTok videos where he breaks down complex historical and geopolitical topics in a way that anyone can understand. He recently tackled this exact problem.

Lu explains that there's a lot of financial trickery involved but essentially the process (at its worst) goes something like this:

Private equity firm wants to buy a business for a huge sale price
That price is contingent on the business taking on massive loans and debt
The private equity firm milks as much profit as possible from the business, by slashing costs and quality and driving up prices
The business, saddled with unmanageable debt and a cratering reputation, eventually declares bankruptcy and closes its doors
Private equity firm, owners, and CEOs make a fortune while stores close and workers lose their jobs

"A lot of problems in this country can be traced back to private equity," he claims, "including unaffordable housing, unaffordable healthcare, and mass layoffs."

@david_the_greatest_ **Some FAQ based on the comments: I didn’t mention these points in the video to keep it simple and to the point, but if you’re curious, feel free to read: 1.) When Carlyle was buying ManorCare in 2007, why was ManorCare valued at $5-6B if its real estate assets were already worth $6B? - ManorCare’s assets (real estate) are only one part of the company’s equity value. You have to subtract liabilities as well, which included $1.9B of debt - The company’s equity value isn’t always the same as the company’s actual valuation. The actual valuation can vary based on somewhat subjective analyst estimates, but it’s typically calculated as a multiple of the company’s annual earnings, adjusted by how much investors believe the company will grow or shrink. This multiple is typically 15-20x, and is called a PE ratio. In ManorCare’s case, its 2006 pre-tax income was $266.6M, so if we assume a PE ratio of 20 (meaning the company is valued at 20x earnings), we get a valuation of $5.3B. 2.) During the process of Carlyle buying ManorCare, how did ManorCare borrow $5B from the bank, and just gift it to Carlyle? It’s essentially written in the contract of this deal, which is called a leveraged buyout. Carlyle won’t make the deal unless ManorCare accepts that it will borrow $5B from the bank and allow Carlyle to “count” that as Carlyle’s payment. ManorCare’s shareholders are ok with this, because they’ll still get their $6B and walk away happy, so they force ManorCare to do this. This is the basic concept that the parties are agreeing to, but the exact logistics of how this is legally executed are: - Carlyle sets up a shell company to buy ManorCare - The shell company signs loan agreements with the banks - When the deal closes, the debt gets “pushed down” from the shell company to ManorCare - Now ManorCare has the $5B (which got borrowed from the bank), plus Carlyle throws in an extra $1B, and uses this $6B to pay the shareholders 3.) Why would the bank lend a whopping $5B to ManorCare in the first place? Because ManorCare’s $6B of real estate was provided as collateral. The bank knew it could get its $5B by taking this collateral. 4.) How could Carlyle force ManorCare to sell its $6B of real estate if that real estate was used as collateral for the $5B bank loan? This gets somewhat complicated, but basically: - By the time of this $6B real estate sale, ManorCare’s $5B of debt wasn’t owed to the same creditors who lent them the money in the first place - It was sliced up and sold to a larger pool of creditors - For some of those creditors who were entitled to collateral, ManorCare agreed to 1.) pay off a portion of the debt right away 2.) give the creditors a a portion of ManorCare’s future operating cash flow as collateral - Some of the creditors were bondholders, and they aren’t entitled to collateral - And for the largest creditor, HCP, it owned $1.7B of ManorCare’s debt, but HCP itself would be the one who bought ManorCare’s $6B of real estate, so the $1.7B was deducted from the sale price 5.) During bankruptcy, how do the bankers, who are “first in line to get their money back”, actually get that money back? The creditors get their money back mostly because they can take the collateral (which got complicated, as mentioned above) and sell it. The bondholders mentioned above do lose their money, however. Basically - my point with this section is that in a bankruptcy, the creditors are always prioritized in getting their money back, but the workers are not. The workers are left with nothing. For example, in the Toys R Us bankruptcy, the creditors ended up being fine, but there were 30,000 workers who lost their job, and they weren’t paid any severance - even though the company policy explicitly said they were entitled to it. In some bankruptcies in the United States, unpaid wages are even ignored. #corporategreed #privateequity #costoflivingcrisis ♬ original sound - David Lu

To make his point, Lu references the infamous case of senior living facility brand ManorCare. An essay in the New York Times explains exactly how selling to a private equity firm rapidly destroyed the company, and worse, hurt the seniors who lived there:

"In 2007, Carlyle—a private equity firm... bought HCR ManorCare for a little over $6 billion, most of which was borrowed money that ManorCare, not Carlyle, would have to pay back. As the new owner, Carlyle sold nearly all of ManorCare’s real estate and quickly recovered its initial investment. This meant, however, that ManorCare was forced to pay nearly half a billion dollars a year in rent to occupy buildings it once owned. Carlyle also extracted over $80 million in transaction and advisory fees from the company it had just bought, draining ManorCare of money.

"ManorCare soon instituted various cost-cutting programs and laid off hundreds of workers. Health code violations spiked. People suffered. The daughter of one resident told The Washington Post that 'my mom would call us every day crying when she was in there' and that 'it was dirty — like a run-down motel. Roaches and ants all over the place.'"

A few years later, ManorCare filed for bankruptcy while the Carlyle firm made out like bandits.

private equity, finances, business, ownership, money Media headlines from recent years sounding the alarm on PEScreenshot from Evan Porter

Party City is a perfect example of this same ruthless profit-seeking strategy in action.

CNN reported the company had a staggering $1.7 billion in debt as of 2023 before filing for bankruptcy. If that seems like a ridiculous amount of debt for a store that sells paper plates and balloons, that's because it is. The founder of Party City later blamed private equity for the brand's collapse.

Red Lobster has the same story. The investors tried to blame it on the high costs of Endless Shrimp, but the restaurant was never going to survive paying exorbitant rents to its private equity firm for buildings it used to own.

Toys R Us? Yep, you know the tale.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

To be fair, private equity doesn't ruin everything. In fact, some of America's favorite institutions have been revived by the process when it works as intended.

Dunkin' Donuts was on the brink in 2005 before private equity investments helped its resurgence. The firm then exited and Dunkin' became public again. (Of course, now Dunkin' is owned by private equity once again.)

Blackstone, one of the biggest private equity firms in the world, revived a near-dead Hilton hotel chain into one of the top hospitality brands.

Even Party City was doing just fine with private equity investments for about a decade.

The idea is that struggling but well-established brands can take an infusion of cash to reinvest in the business, along with having a lot of seasoned strategists come on board to right the ship. The private equity firm will make money in the process, of course, but ideally they will exit and leave behind a thriving business—not a debt-ridden husk.

Ultimately, the world will probably be OK without Red Lobster and KB Toys. But people need—and want—places to go, places that have been around for years that we've come to know and trust.

According to RetailBrew, "29% shoppers said they were 'morally opposed' to shopping at Amazon, but 85% ended up purchasing something there anyway," in part due to a lack of other options.

Millennials and Gen Xers yearn for the days of walking around and touching things with our hands before buying them, talking to knowledgeable sales staff who could answer our questions, or having a sit down meal at a chain restaurant that didn't cost a fortune (if it included unlimited shrimp, all the better). The Economist reports that malls are making a comeback—only, mainstays like Claire's and Brookstone are dead (in large part because of... you guessed it).

It's fun to imagine a world in which Radio Shack could have evolved to thrive in the world of smart phones, or where we could still get a cheap pair of shoes at Payless instead of being limited to what the local Target has in stock.

That kind of thing is unlikely to happen while the private equity problem goes unchecked.

Bipartisan lawmakers have been eyeing tighter regulations on private equity firms for a while now, although progress is slow.

Long-established brands bringing in outside help and cash to adapt to the modern age could be a good thing, but there needs to be mechanisms in place that keep all of our favorite businesses from being bled dry.

But there's good news for the nostalgic among us: Toys R Us, for its part, is attempting a comeback this year. So is Payless. Here's a chance for Millennials to show that those nostalgic favorites never should have gone away in the first place.

From Your Site Articles

Levi Strauss Foundation

The Levi Strauss Foundation advances the human rights and well-being of underserved people in places where the company has a business presence

Modern Families

Once a refugee seeking safety in the U.S., Anita Omary is using what she learned to help others thrive.

Even in divided times, small acts of friendship help create vibrant communities where everyone feels safe.

Once a refugee seeking safety in the U.S., Anita Omary is using what she learned to help others thrive.

Pictured here: Anita Omary; her son, Osman; and Omary’s close friends

Pictured here: Anita Omary; her son, Osman; and Omary’s close friends

True

In March 2023, after months of preparation and paperwork, Anita Omary arrived in the United States from her native Afghanistan to build a better life. Once she arrived in Connecticut, however, the experience was anything but easy.

“When I first arrived, everything felt so strange—the weather, the environment, the people,” Omary recalled. Omary had not only left behind her extended family and friends in Afghanistan, she left her career managing child protective cases and supporting refugee communities behind as well. Even more challenging, Anita was five months pregnant at the time, and because her husband was unable to obtain a travel visa, she found herself having to navigate a new language, a different culture, and an unfamiliar country entirely on her own.

“I went through a period of deep disappointment and depression, where I wasn’t able to do much for myself,” Omary said.

Then something incredible happened: Omary met a woman who would become her close friend, offering support that would change her experience as a refugee—and ultimately the trajectory of her entire life.

Understanding the journey

Like Anita Omary, tens of thousands of people come to the United States each year seeking safety from war, political violence, religious persecution, and other threats. Yet escaping danger, unfortunately, is only the first challenge. Once here, immigrant and refugee families must deal with the loss of displacement, while at the same time facing language barriers, adapting to a new culture, and sometimes even facing social stigma and anti-immigrant biases.

Welcoming immigrant and refugee neighbors strengthens the nation and benefits everyone—and according to Anita Omary, small, simple acts of human kindness can make the greatest difference in helping them feel safe, valued, and truly at home.

A warm welcome

Dee and Omary's son, Osman

Anita Omary was receiving prenatal checkups at a woman’s health center in West Haven when she met Dee, a nurse.

“She immediately recognized that I was new, and that I was struggling,” Omary said. “From that moment on, she became my support system.”

Dee started checking in on Omary throughout her pregnancy, both inside the clinic and out.

“She would call me and ask am I okay, am I eating, am I healthy,” Omary said. “She helped me with things I didn’t even realize I needed, like getting an air conditioner for my small, hot room.”

Soon, Dee was helping Omary apply for jobs and taking her on driving lessons every weekend. With her help, Omary landed a job, passed her road test on the first attempt, and even enrolled at the University of New Haven to pursue her master’s degree. Dee and Omary became like family. After Omary’s son, Osman, was born, Dee spent five days in the hospital at her side, bringing her halal food and brushing her hair in the same way Omary’s mother used to. When Omary’s postpartum pain became too great for her to lift Osman’s car seat, Dee accompanied her to his doctor’s appointments and carried the baby for her.

“Her support truly changed my life,” Omary said. “Her motivation, compassion, and support gave me hope. It gave me a sense of stability and confidence. I didn’t feel alone, because of her.”

More than that, the experience gave Omary a new resolve to help other people.

“That experience has deeply shaped the way I give back,” she said. “I want to be that source of encouragement and support for others that my friend was for me.”

Extending the welcome

Omary and Dee at the Martin Luther King, Jr. Vision Awards ceremony at the University of New Haven.

Omary is now flourishing. She currently works as a career development specialist as she continues her Master’s degree. She also, as a member of the Refugee Storytellers Collective, helps advocate for refugee and immigrant families by connecting them with resources—and teaches local communities how to best welcome newcomers.

“Welcoming new families today has many challenges,” Omary said. “One major barrier is access to English classes. Many newcomers, especially those who have just arrived, often put their names on long wait lists and for months there are no available spots.” For women with children, the lack of available childcare makes attending English classes, or working outside the home, especially difficult.

Omary stresses that sometimes small, everyday acts of kindness can make the biggest difference to immigrant and refugee families.

“Welcome is not about big gestures, but about small, consistent acts of care that remind you that you belong,” Omary said. Receiving a compliment on her dress or her son from a stranger in the grocery store was incredibly uplifting during her early days as a newcomer, and Omary remembers how even the smallest gestures of kindness gave her hope that she could thrive and build a new life here.

“I built my new life, but I didn’t do it alone,” Omary said. “Community and kindness were my greatest strengths.”

Are you in? Click here to join the Refugee Advocacy Lab and sign the #WeWillWelcome pledge and complete one small act of welcome in your community. Together, with small, meaningful steps, we can build communities where everyone feels safe.

This article is part of Upworthy’s “The Threads Between U.S.” series that highlights what we have in common thanks to the generous support from the Levi Strauss Foundation, whose grantmaking is committed to creating a culture of belonging.

Scientists discovered a fascinating trick to feeling like you slept great even if you didn't

"Placebo sleep" can be extremely powerful.

sleep, sleep tricks, sleeping techniques, science, scientific research, placebo effect, placebo

Photo credit: Canva

Tired man (left); energized man (right)

The benefits of getting a good night's sleep are too vast to name. Sleep is as essential for our brains as food and water are for our bodies. If you're not getting enough, sleeping better has been shown to elevate your mood, improve your memory, and even boost your physical health. And then there's the obvious: when you don't sleep well, you'll have less energy and generally perform worse on tasks that require any kind of effort or thought.

However, we're all human, and, sometimes, humans sleep terribly. Your infant might wake you up, or a car alarm might go off outside, interrupting your regularly-scheduled REM. It's not always our fault when we don't sleep well, but there might be an interesting way to fix it.

A study from 2014 may have demonstrated the existence of something called "placebo sleep," or tricking your brain into believing you slept better than you did.

sleep, sleep tricks, sleeping techniques, science, scientific research, placebo effect, placebo a man sitting at a desk with his head on his arms Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash

The placebo effect, of course, has been studied relentlessly over the years and has shown that the human body can do amazing, almost impossible things, when the brain gets on board. The classic example is when symptoms of disease get measurably better after a patient takes a "fake" pill. Another study out of Harvard showed that people who were told their jobs qualified as exercise showed improved health and fitness markers compared to people who did the same job. Placebos even work when the person knows they're taking a placebo. It's called an "honest placebo" and is considered a legitimate, ethical treatment method for many ailments.

The researchers in 2014 wanted to find out if the placebo effect could also apply to sleep. So, they lectured a group of participants about the importance of REM sleep and how it can effect cognitive functioning. The participants were then split into two groups and monitored overnight while they slept. The next morning, one group was told they achieved 28.7% REM sleep, which is terrific, and the other group was told they only spent 16.2% of their sleep time in REM, which is below average. The numbers, however, were complete fiction.

Stunningly, the participants who believed they achieved top quality sleep performed better the next day on a series of arithmetic and word association tests compared to the other groups.

In their conclusion, the authors wrote, "These findings supported the hypothesis that mindset can influence cognitive states in both positive and negative directions, suggesting a means of controlling one's health and cognition."

According to Smithsonian Magazine, follow up experiments confirmed the findings.

The key to feeling great and performing as if you had a great night's sleep may lie in simply believing that you did.

There are a lot of ways to "placebo your sleep" in order to generate that belief. For starters, you can adopt a new routine or technique or even supplement in order to prime your brain.

John Cline Ph.D. asserts for Psychology Today that the popularity of sleeping aids like melatonin may be tied less to the fact that they work, and more to the fact that people believe they work. But you don't need to take any supplements or medications. Having a slow evening wind down with a book and an herbal tea, trying a new sleeping position, or practicing some measured breathing might work just as well. Or, rather, they might work precisely because you believe they will.

sleep, sleep tricks, sleeping techniques, science, scientific research, placebo effect, placebo Can a warm cup of tea help you sleep better? If you believe it, then yes. Photo by Dana Ciurumelea on Unsplash

You could take the concept a step further and alter your morning routine on nights you know for a fact you didn't sleep well. Perhaps it's by using a new coffee brand, doing some stretches before getting out of bed, or meditating before starting your day. Anything that you truly believe might help make you more alert and focused may just work.

One viral social media sleep trend capitalizes on this research perfectly. Researchers have shown that forcing your mouth into a smile has been shown to improve your mood. Turns out, similarly, you may be able to get sleepy by pretending to be super tired. Psychologist Erica Terblanche calls it the "alpha bridge," and it involves gently closing your eyes, fluttering them open just a tad, and then closing them again as you relax and breath. It simulates the feeling of "nodding off" and is said to create the alpha brainwaves that transition your brain from wakefulness to sleep. It's another clever way of tricking your own brain.

@erica.terblanche
Here's a skill to help you fall asleep on an airplane or anywhere else for that matter. . Its called going over the Alpha Bridge. #EricaTerblanche #ThriveGuru #motivation #sleeping

It sounds cheesy, but the power of mindset and positive thinking is truly tremendous. Our beliefs and thought patterns can greatly influence our body, our behavior, and our mood. Sometimes, our mindset can even be stronger than actual reality. Now we have the data to prove that it applies to our precious sleep, too.

From Your Site Articles

Resurfaced video of French skier's groin incident has people giving the announcer a gold medal

"The boys took a beating on that one."

skiing, skier, downhill ski race, alpine skiing, super-g

Representative photo credit: Canva

Downhill skiing is a sport rife with injuries, but not usually this kind.

A good commentator can make all the difference when watching sports, even when an event goes smoothly. But it's when something goes wrong that great announcers rise to the top. There's no better example of a great announcer in a surprise moment than when French skier Yannick Bertrand took a gate to the groin in a 2007 super-G race.

Competitive skiers fly down runs at incredible speeds, often exceeding 60 mph. Hitting something hard at that speed would definitely hurt, but hitting something hard with a particularly sensitive part of your body would be excruciating. So when Bertrand slammed right into a gate family-jewels-first, his high-pitched scream was unsurprising. What was surprising was the perfect commentary that immediately followed.

This is a clip you really just have to see and hear to fully appreciate:

- YouTube youtu.be

It's unclear who the announcer is, even after multiple Google inquiries, which is unfortunate because that gentleman deserves a medal. The commentary gets better with each repeated viewing, with highlights like:

"The gate the groin for Yannick Bertrand, and you could hear it. And if you're a man, you could feel it."

"Oh, the Frenchman. Oh-ho, monsieurrrrrr."

"The boys took a beating on that one."

"That guy needs a hug."

"Those are the moments that change your life if you're a man, I tell you what."

"When you crash through a gate, when you do it at high rate of speed, it's gonna hurt and it's going to leave a mark in most cases. And in this particular case, not the area where you want to leave a mark."

Imagine watching a man take a hit to the privates at 60 mph and having to make impromptu commentary straddling the line between professionalism and acknowledging the universal reality of what just happened. There are certain things you can't say on network television that you might feel compelled to say. There's a visceral element to this scenario that could easily be taken too far in the commentary, and the inherent humor element could be seen as insensitive and offensive if not handled just right.

The announcer nailed it. 10/10. No notes.

The clip frequently resurfaces during the Winter Olympic Games, though the incident didn't happen during an Olympic event. Yannick Bertrand was competing at the FIS World Cup super-G race in Kvitfjell, Norway in 2007, when the unfortunate accident occurred. Bertrand had competed at the Turin Olympics the year before, however, coming in 24th in the downhill and super-G events.

As painful as the gate to the groin clearly as, Bertrand did not appear to suffer any damage that kept him from the sport. In fact, he continued competing in international downhill and super-G races until 2014.

skiing, skier, downhill ski race, alpine skiing, super-g Alpine skiing is a notoriously dangerous sport. Photo credit: Canva

According to a 2018 study, Alpine skiing is a notoriously dangerous sport with a reported injury rate of 36.7 per 100 World Cup athletes per season. Of course, it's the knees and not the coin purse that are the most common casualty of ski racing, which we saw clearly in U.S. skier Lindsey Vonn's harrowing experiences at the 2026 Olympics. Vonn was competing with a torn ACL and ended up being helicoptered off of the mountain after an ugly crash that did additional damage to her legs, requiring multiple surgeries (though what caused the crash was reportedly unrelated to her ACL tear). Still, she says she has no regrets.

As Bertrand's return to the slopes shows, the risk of injury doesn't stop those who live for the thrill of victory, even when the agony of defeat hits them right in the rocks.

From Your Site Articles

How to keep your mouth shut in conversations when you know you should really stay quiet

Most people never regret just staying silent.

quiet, finger over lips, don't talk, keep it to yourself, silence

via Canva/Photos

A woman with her finger over her mouth.

It can be hard to stay quiet when you feel like you just have to speak your mind. But sometimes it's not a great idea to share your opinions on current events with your dad or tell your boss where they're wrong in a meeting. And having a bit of self-control during a fight with your spouse is a good way to avoid apologizing the next morning.

Further, when we fight the urge to talk when it's not necessary, we become better listeners and give others a moment in the spotlight to share their views. Building that small mental muscle to respond to events rather than react can make all the difference in social situations.

argument, coworkers, angry coworkers, hostile work enviornment, disagreement A woman is getting angry at her coworker.via Canva/Photos

What is the WAIT method?

One way people have honed the skill of holding back when they feel the burning urge to speak up is the WAIT method, an acronym for the question you should ask yourself in that moment: "Why Am I Talking?" Pausing to consider the question before you open your mouth can shift your focus from "being heard" to "adding value" to any conversation.

The Center for The Empowerment Dynamic has some questions we should consider after taking a WAIT moment:

What is my intention behind what I am about to say?
What question can I ask to better understand what the other person is saying?
Is my need to talk an attempt to divert the attention to me?
How might I become comfortable with silence rather than succumb to my urge to talk?

tape over muth, sielnce, be quiet, mouth shut, saying nothing A man with tape over his mouth.via Canva/Photos

The WAIT method is a good way to avoid talking too much. In work meetings, people who overtalk risk losing everyone's attention and diluting their point to the extent that others aren't quite sure what they were trying to say. Even worse, they can come across as attention hogs or know-it-alls. Often, the people who get to the heart of the matter succinctly are the ones who are noticed and respected.

Just because you're commanding the attention of the room doesn't mean you're doing yourself any favors or helping other people in the conversation.

The WAIT method is also a great way to give yourself a breather and let things sit for a moment during a heated, emotional discussion. It gives you a chance to cool down and rethink your goals for the conversation. It can also help you avoid saying something you regret.

fight, spuse disagreement, communications skills, upset husband, argument A husband is angry with his wife. via Canva/Photos

How much should I talk in a meeting?

So if it's a work situation, like a team meeting, you don't want to be completely silent. How often should you speak up?

Cary Pfeffer, a speaking coach and media trainer, shared an example of the appropriate amount of time to talk in a meeting with six people:

"I would suggest a good measure would be three contributions over an hour-long meeting from each non-leader participant. If anyone is talking five/six/seven times you are over-participating! Allow someone else to weigh in, even if that means an occasional awkward silence. Anything less seems like your voice is just not being represented, and anything over three contributions is too much."

Ultimately, the WAIT method is about taking a second to make sure you're not just talking to hear yourself speak. It helps ensure that you have a clear goal for participating in the conversation and that you're adding value for others. Knowing when and why to say something is the best way to make a positive contribution and avoid shooting yourself in the foot.

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communications tips

Psychologists say there are 4 types of introverts. These are the personality traits of each one.

The four types of introverts: Social, Thinking, Anxious, and Restrained.

introvert, introvers, types of introverts, introverted, introvert types, 4 introvert types

Photo credit: Canva

A woman sits in a chair reading a book.

Introverts can have many personality stereotypes. Many people assume they are quiet homebodies who prefer alone time, but not all introverts are the same.

Psychologist Jonathan M. Cheek, along with his colleagues Jennifer Grimes and Julie Norem at Wellesley College, presented findings in a 2011 study identifying four types of introverts: Social, Thinking, Anxious, and Restrained (STAR).

"Many people assume introversion is fixed, but introversion is on a spectrum," Chloë Bean, a somatic trauma therapist in Los Angeles, told Upworthy.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Essentially, there is no one-size-fits-all type of introvert.

"It can shift depending on life phase, your stress level, burnout, support system, and trauma history," Bean said. "What looks like 'being introverted' is sometimes the nervous system doing it's job, protecting you especially when you're feeling overwhelmed or need to connect with yourself more."

Four types of introverts

In an interview with The Cut, Cheek explained that these introvert "types" are more like "shades," and that introverts are often a mix of each one. Here's what you need to know about each type of introvert:

introvert, introverts, being introverted, social introvert, introverts hanging out Three women sit on a blanket in the park. Photo credit: Canva

Social introverts

Bean noted that social introverts may be selective about who they connect with. They enjoy spending time with others but need downtime to recover.

"They prefer to stay home with a book or a computer, or to stick to small gatherings with close friends, as opposed to attending large parties with many strangers," Cheek explained.

How to tell if it's you:

"You may tend to lose a lot of energy when socializing in large groups even when they're fun and prefer one-on-one time," said Bean. "You may feel more regulated with one person at a time, as you can feel overstimulated with more than one person at a time."

Thinking introverts

Thinking introverts are internally rich, deep, and active but appear quiet on the outside, Bean noted. They spend a lot of time reflecting, imagining, creating, or analyzing.

"You're capable of getting lost in an internal fantasy world," Cheek said. "But it's not in a neurotic way, it's in an imaginative and creative way."

How to tell if it's you:

"You feel energized and excited by ideas but you feel exhausted when there is constant feedback and stimulation externally," Bean explained. "You need time to be with your thoughts to come to your conclusion so staying with your inner voice and process is supportive because you can get easily distracted by others' thoughts and opinions."

@onlyjayus
The 4 Types Of Introverts

Anxious introverts

Bean said that anxious introverts deal with anxiety and avoidance driven by fear, as the body anticipates rejection or not being accepted socially.

How to tell if it's you:

"You might replay conversations, dread upcoming plans and cancel them when the tension and anxiety gets too strong," Bean shared. "This is often less about your personality and more about your nervous system feeling dysregulated by thoughts about socializing."

Restrained introverts

Restrained introverts are highly observant, take time to warm up to others, and are cautious about who they spend their energy with, Bean explained.

How to tell if it's you:

"It might take you some time to feel like you can trust others and feel safe enough to speak up," Bean said. "You might also avoid being put on the spot or being the center of attention."

From Your Site Articles

Teacher demonstrates simple but powerful 'common ground' vs. 'find a problem' conversation hack

Made for kids, necessary for adults.

conflict resolution, conflict resolution for kids, finding common ground, conversation tips, ending an argument, substitute teacher

via @brightsignslearning/TikTok, used with permission

A teacher shared how encouraging her student to find common ground instantly stopped an argument

Tennessee-based educator Shelby Rideout was substituting for a third-grade class when she noticed two young girls, who were otherwise “really sweet, fun, kind,” start arguing with one another. The solution she found to instantly ease that conflict was surprisingly simple.

She encouraged them to “Look for some common ground.”

Without missing a beat, the girls were able to make one connection after another (“Jesus” and “Ethiopian food,” in this case) without any further guidance from Rideout. Within minutes, they went from bickering to “hootin’ and hollerin’ and laughing.”

Rideout shared this story to her TikTok, with the message that: “It is literally that simple. I feel like we’re a world where everyone is looking for a problem…why not look for how to get along?”

@brightsignslearning #teachersoftiktok #storytime #foru #kindness #kids ♬ original sound - brightsignslearning

“I don't care if it’s just that you both like peaches,” she quipped. “That’s a start. That’s how we start.”

In an interview with Today, Rideout even argued that this method of finding common ground is how we ease conflict in the adult world. “Whether someone leans left or right,” she said, “most people are motivated by the same goal: to make things better.”

Several viewers even proved this point by sharing some of their own positive anecdotes that came from incorporating this mindset into their everyday lives.

“I was an elected official for 24 years. I used a version of your solution often, especially with elected officials of the other party,” one person wrote.

Another added: “I made a conscious decision to befriend a co-worker who I was really struggling with. I started going out of my way to extend extra kindness to them. We now get along beautifully!”

In this day and age, it’s easy to forget that most people are not as far apart as they think. Thankfully, they just need a starting point that reminds them of their shared humanity.

If you want to try Rideout’s "common ground" approach in your own life, here are a few simple ways to start.

conflict resolution, conflict resolution for kids, finding common ground, conversation tips, ending an argument, substitute teacher Two women engaging in a pleasant conversation inside a coffee shopPhoto credit: Canva

First, ask open-ended questions. Instead of focusing on what you disagree about, ask about hobbies, favorite foods, music, or weekend plans. Shared interests often appear quickly when the conversation is relaxed.

Second, listen for common values. Even when opinions differ, people often care about the same underlying goals, such as safety, fairness, family, or community. Naming those shared values can shift the tone of a conversation.

Third, keep it small. Common ground does not have to be profound. Maybe you both love a certain coffee shop. Maybe you both dread Monday mornings. Small points of connection can build trust over time.

Fourth, lead with kindness. A smile, a compliment, or a moment of patience can make someone more willing to meet you halfway. Kindness often opens the door to connection.

Finally, remember that, as Rideout mentioned, common ground is a beginning, not a solution to every problem. You can still disagree. You can still set boundaries. But starting from a place of shared understanding makes it easier to move forward with respect.

conflict resolution, conflict resolution for kids, finding common ground, conversation tips, ending an argument, substitute teacher Two men engaging in a peaceful disagreement.Photo credit: Canva

Bottom line: Rideout’s classroom moment is a reminder that the tools for better communication are often simple and accessible. Two third graders found their way back to laughter by naming what they shared. Adults can do the same.

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