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Meet a mom who takes care of people's babies while they make huge parenting decisions.

This is what it's like to be an 'interim parent.'

Black and white photo of woman looking into a baby carrier
Photo by Stacey Natal/Total City Girl used with permission.

Jillian, “...my heart skips a beat."


I'm trying desperately to be respectful of the person speaking to me, but my husband keeps texting me.

First he sends me a selfie of him with Rafi*, then it's an account of who stopped him on his way into the NICU.

Then, he suggests I take a selfie with Jillian* so he can post them side-by-side on Facebook and boast that we finally have two babies.

People will ask if they're twins, I'm sure. But they're not twins. In fact, the babies aren't even ours.

Man and woman each holding a baby

James' dream come true: Two babies! Rafi in the NICU with Tatte, Jillian at home with Eema.

Photo by Ann Lapin, used with permission.

I take care of these babies because I'm what's known as an "interim parent."

Two young girls with a laptop, bottles, and a baby.

Over the past four years, my family has cared for 22 newborns.

Photo by Ann Lapin, used with permission.

The program I'm part of is rare; there are very few like it in the United States.

While the babies are in my care, the birth parents retain their legal rights as parents and are encouraged to visit their babies (if that's something they would like).

Three children hold a baby

My three kids with our baby before he meets his forever mommy.

Photo by Ann Lapin, used with permission.

If they weren't in the care of interim moms like me, these tiny babies might wait in the hospital a few extra days while their adoptions are finalized—or they might enter the foster care system.

In New York and most states, biological parents have 30 days after adoption proceedings begin to change their minds about their placement plan.

I became an interim parent when a local mom posted about it on our neighborhood Yahoo! group.

"That! THAT I can do!" I thought, as I looked at the computer screen.

I was thrilled. I felt incapable of doing other types of volunteer work, but I felt like I had finally found a community service that I could perform. So, my husband and I applied. And after months of doctor appointments, background checks, interviews, and letters of reference from close friends, we were accepted.

Woman with three children pushes an empty a stroller

We left the adoption agency with an empty stroller — but it didn't stay that way for long!

Photo by Stacey Natal/ Total City Girl, used with permission.

The hope with the interim boarding care program is that biological parents have time to gain clarity about their decisions without pressure.

It also helps adoptive parents feel secure in their status as parents.

The children don't usually get the chance to be present when one of our babies goes home, so this was a special day. Roughly 30% of the babies I've cared for have returned to their biological parents after their stay with me, and the rest have been adopted. Many of the birth mothers I've known have pursued open adoptions, selecting and meeting their child's forever families.

People often ask me what the experience of interim parenting is like, but there's no rule: Each case is different.

Babies stay with us, on average, for a few weeks. But one baby stayed with us with five days, another for nine and a half weeks.

Whatever the scenario, my family and I are available to care for these babies until they go home ... wherever "home" may be.

Woman looks into a baby carrier

This work can be emotionally challenging, too.

Photo by Stacey Natal/Total City Girl used with permission.

This work can be emotionally challenging, too. Some biological parents do not interact with us at all while they're making big decisions, and some end up being very involved. Some text regularly, requesting photos and updates on the baby while the baby is in our care. Sometimes they schedule weekly visits with the babies. One birth mom became such a constant in our life that my son asked if we could bake her cookies.

I am often blown away by the biological parents' gratitude.

Melody* was one of the most beautiful babies I'd ever cared for, and I met her parents a couple of times. When they came to take her home, it was as though she was the only one in the room. When they thanked me for taking care of her, my lip started to quiver.

I had also never met Jibraan's dad, either, when I placed him in his arms the day they went home together. "From the bottom of my heart ... I can't tell you what you've done for me," he said. I remember that he towered over me, the size of a linebacker, clenching his jaw to keep the tears from spilling down his cheeks.

Woman smiling on the phone

Big smiles and on the phone.

Photo by Stacey Natal/Total City Girl, used with permission.

When I wave goodbye to the social workers at the agency after introducing each baby to their forever family, I always wonder how long it will be before I get to hold another baby.

I don't get attached to each baby, per se. But I get attached to having a baby, to taking care of a baby. I resent my empty arms, and I feel like I've lost my purpose. So each time I see the adoption agency's phone number pop up on caller ID, my heart skips a beat.

When the voice on the other end says, "Hi, Ann ... are you ready to take another baby?" my first thought is, "Baby! I'm getting a BABY!" That excitement lasts for at least 48 hours.

But even as the adrenaline calms down and the sleepless nights begin to take their toll, the experience of caring for each baby proves to be more than enough motivation for me to keep going.

The emotions that swell when my babies go home with any parent—their adoptive parents or their birth parents—are not just because of the emptiness I feel in my arms or even because of the happiness I have for my babies and their families.

The emotions I feel are because of the fullness in my heart and the gratitude I have for being a part of each of these babies' stories, even if it's just for a moment.


This article was written by Ann Lapin and originally appeared nine years ago.

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American orders Olive Garden-style chicken parm in Italy and the waiter's response is perfect

He looks so confused.

via Drburtoni/Flickr and Boxer_Bob/Flickr

A waiter talking with his hands.

One of the great things about America is that we have a relatively young culture, so many of the foods that we eat were brought over from other countries. That makes America a great place to try out all the different types of food from around the world.

However, we also like to put our own stamp on staples from around the globe that give the American version its own unique flair. Some foods that we claim originated overseas were actually first made right here in the U.S. of A. For example, chimichangas, which can be found in many Mexican restaurants, actually originated in the state of Arizona. Crab Rangoon, a popular “Chinese” dish, was actually invented in San Francisco, and spaghetti and meatballs were never a thing in Italy.

TikTok creator Gabby Donahue posted a video that’s the perfect example of how some ethnic foods get remixed once they become popular in the States. In a video with over 7 million views, her father shows a waiter in Italy a photo of chicken parmesan from Olive Garden so he can order it at the restaurant. The waiter's reaction is an excellent example of someone trying to be polite while he cannot believe what he is seeing.

“My Boston Irish father trying to order a Google image of the Olive Garden chicken parm in Italy,” Donahue wrote in the text overlay.

@gabbydonahuee

@Olive Garden ‘s biggest fan 😭😭😭😭 #italy #cultureshock #chickenparm #olivegarden


When the father showed the picture to the waiter, he seemed a bit confused about the image. “Only in the States,” he said. “It doesn’t exist in Italy.” The father couldn’t believe what he was hearing: “It doesn’t exist in Italy?”

“I don’t know what it is…on the pasta?” the waiter said, trying to make sense of the chicken breast smothered in cheese and sauce. The waiter gave his final verdict while holding his chin: “No. That’s horrible.”

“Horrible? Wow. Look at that. That doesn’t,” the father laughed. “That looks good… but,” the waiter shrugged off the father. “It does look good,” the father continued. “It tastes good. I’ll tell you what, I’m gonna mail you some. I’ll send it to you.”

“Okay? Olive Garden chicken, I’m gonna search,” the waiter said, walking away from the table.


The commenters had a field day analyzing the waiter’s body language. “‘No, that looks good’ while looking completely disgusted was the most Italian reaction ever,” one commenter wrote. “Bro remembered halfway through his disgust that he’s at work,” another added.

It’s not crazy that an American would think that chicken parmesan is an Italian dish; after all, it’s served in most Italian-American restaurants. However, according to Paesana, it was created in America by the Italian diaspora.

“In the Old World, that’s Italy prior to the Italian diaspora—the large-scale emigration of Italians from Italy to America—proteins like chicken were not widely available," according to an article on the site. "As such, the prototypical chicken parmigiana was actually made with breaded, fried slices of eggplant in place of chicken for a dish called melanzane alla Parmigiana."


Even though chicken parmesan didn’t originate in the old country, Pasquale Sciarappa, a popular Italian-born food influencer living in America, has no problem cooking the dish.

"'That’s not Italian!’ I hear this every time I share a dish like Chicken Parmigiana. And you know what? They’re right — it’s not something you’d traditionally find in Italy. But you know what else is true? It’s Italian-American. It was born in immigrant kitchens — from people who left Italy, landed in the U.S., and made do with what they had. They took inspiration from dishes like melanzane alla parmigiana and recreated comfort from memory using what was available,” he wrote.

It’s understandable that an American could go to Italy without knowing that something he’d had in Italian restaurants wasn’t actually from Italy. It’s understandable for an Italian server to balk at a photo of a dish served in an American restaurant that you’d find in a shopping mall.

But we should all agree that one of the wonderful things about American culture is that it's an amalgamation of different cultures stirred around in the same pot, and if that means we get a fresh variation on the burrito, a new way to eat Chinese crab, or a tasty piece of chicken where eggplant used to be, the more the better.

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Massachusetts woman writes her own obituary, leaving her grieving family laughing at her wit

"Well, if you're reading this obituary, I'm dead. WOW, it actually happened..."

Linda Murphy Obituary/McCarthy Funeral Home and Photo credit: Canva

Massachusetts woman's obituary leaves her family laughing

It can be depressing to think about your own mortality, but inevitably, everyone will eventually die. Those diagnosed with a terminal illness have the unfortunate task of thinking about the inevitability much sooner than their peers. Still, those like Linda Murphy aren't letting a diagnosis steal their humor.

Murphy seemed to be the life of the party, always ready to have a good time with friends and family. But over a decade ago, she was diagnosed with breast cancer; after beating that disease, she was diagnosed with Bulbar ALS, which runs in her family.

In her self-written obituary, she shares that her father, who passed away shortly before Murphy, lost his own mother to the same disease. Although devastating, the disease allowed her time to write her own obituary, which left her family and others giggling.

\u200bMassachusetts; Linda Murphy; ALS; obituary; death; dying; funny obituary Glowing tealights in peaceful ambiance.Photo credit: Canva

She starts by pointing out the obvious, "Well, if you are reading this obituary, it looks like I'm dead." That's when the humor kicks in as she jokes about dying from fear of missing out, "WOW, it actually happened ... I died of FOMO due to complications of Bulbar ALS."

Murphy points out that she was just 60 years old and way too young to die, but unfortunately, ALS had other plans. She was loved, as evidenced by her daughter's interview with the local news station. One section of her obituary is all about the yummy food she missed out on due to her no longer being able to swallow.

Linda Murphy; ALS; obituary; death; dying; funny obituary Friends enjoying a delicious meal together.Photo credit: Canva

"As far as eating, it totally stinks to sit at the table while people around you are eating juicy burgers hot off the grill, heaping piles of Chinese food, a healthy portion of pasta Alfredo, or Chipotle — and I just have to smile and act like I'm enjoying my bowl of puréed baby mush!" she wrote.

Even though she expressed how hard it was to live with her disease, Murphy still made sure to throw in some laughs.

While talking about her 42-year marriage to husband David, she teases about the couple becoming a throuple when she had to be put on a respirator. "We both agreed, I was an "A" wife and he was a "B+" husband for a total "A-" which is pretty decent for 42 years together!!!" she wrote. "We became a thruple about 1.5 years ago when, Hosee, (my respirator) moved into our marital bed. From then on, David woke up next to what looked like a fighter pilot with smooshed hair!"

Linda Murphy; ALS; obituary; death; dying; funny obituary Saying goodbye with lilies and love.Photo credit: Canva

Murphy highlights her superpowers before her final plea for kindness. The woman was joyous even after death. Maybe it was her way of easing things for her family members or for herself. Maybe it was simply because that's who she was as a person, and she used her obituary as the final moment to give others a glimpse into her personality. Either way, her reminders about kindness and living life fully are lessons that can extend far beyond her family and friends.

"I lived my life with two super powers," she wrote. "My first, of which everyone was jealous, was that I could drink as much as I wanted and never seemed to get a hangover ... the real wonder is why I didn't die of liver failure. My second super power is that I was always genuinely happy and absolutely loved to be with nice people. Please be kind to everyone: the telemarketer, the grocery clerk, the Dunkin's staff, the tailgater, your family, your friends. Speak nicely and positively. Is there really ever a reason to be negative? I don't think so…"

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Happiness researcher explains how making a 'reverse bucket list' can change your life

Counterintuitive in our culture, but effective.

Gage Skidmore/Wikimedia Commons

Harvard researcher Arthur C. Brooks studies what leads to human happiness.

We live in a society that prizes ambition, celebrating goal-setting, and hustle culture as praiseworthy vehicles on the road to success. We also live in a society that associates successfully getting whatever our hearts desire with happiness. The formula we internalize from an early age is that desire + ambition + goal-setting + doing what it takes = a successful, happy life.

But as Harvard University happiness researcher Arthur C. Brooks has found, in his studies as well as his own experience, that happiness doesn't follow that formula. "It took me too long to figure this one out," Brooks told podcast host Tim Ferris, explaining why he uses a "reverse bucket list" to live a happier life.

bucket list, wants, desires, goals, detachment Many people make bucket lists of things they want in life. Giphy

Brooks shared that on his birthday, he would always make a list of his desires, ambitions, and things he wanted to accomplish—a bucket list. But when he was 50, he found his bucket list from when he was 40 and had an epiphany: "I looked at that list from when I was 40, and I'd checked everything off that list. And I was less happy at 50 than I was at 40."

As a social scientist, he recognized that he was doing something wrong and analyzed it.

"This is a neurophysiological problem and a psychological problem all rolled into one handy package," he said. "I was making the mistake of thinking that my satisfaction would come from having more. And the truth of the matter is that lasting and stable satisfaction, which doesn't wear off in a minute, comes when you understand that your satisfaction is your haves divided by your wants…You can increase your satisfaction temporarily and inefficiently by having more, or permanently and securely by wanting less."

Brooks concluded that he needed a "reverse bucket list" that would help him "consciously detach" from his worldly wants and desires by simply writing them down and crossing them off.

"I know that these things are going to occur to me as natural goals," Brooks said, citing human evolutionary psychology. "But I do not want to be owned by them. I want to manage them." He discussed moving those desires from the instinctual limbic system to the conscious pre-frontal cortex by examining each one and saying, "Maybe I get it, maybe I don't," but crossing them off as attachments. "And I'm free…it works," he said.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"When I write them down, I acknowledge that I have the desire," he explained on X. "When I cross them out, I acknowledge that I will not be attached to this goal."

The idea that attachment itself causes unhappiness is a concept found in many spiritual traditions, but it is most closely associated with Buddhism. Mike Brooks, PhD, explains that humans need healthy attachments, such as an attachment to staying alive and attachments to loved ones, to avoid suffering. But many things to which we are attached are not necessarily healthy, either by degree (over-attachment) or by nature (being attached to things that are impermanent).

"We should strive for flexibility in our attachments because the objects of our attachment are inherently in flux," Brooks writes in Psychology Today. "In this way, we suffer unnecessarily when we don't accept their impermanent nature."

What Arthur C. Brooks suggests that we strive to detach ourselves from our wants and desires because the simplest way to solve the 'haves/wants = happiness' formula is to reduce the denominator. The reverse bucket list, in which you cross off desires before you fulfill them, can help free you from attachment and lead to a happier overall existence.

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'27 old, 62 young': Insightful guy claims these are young and old ages, regardless of chronology

"I can’t explain it, but I get the logic behind this."

via Canva/Photos

A 27-year-old woman and a 62-year-old woman.

Ben Keenan, a travel and culture content creator and podcaster, did a great job of saying out loud what many people feel but can’t put into words. When it comes to age, some people feel younger or older regardless of their chronological age. It’s like we get to a certain point where we feel like aging is accelerating, and then, suddenly, context changes, and we feel younger again. Different eras hit differently.

A lot of it has to do with juxtaposing ourselves with our younger or older peers, or whether we are new or experienced in certain phases of life. Like, some people feel like they are an old young person at 39, but suddenly, they hit 40 and feel like a young older person. It’s a beautiful thing knowing that, although you may feel like you’re at an "old age" right now, you may suddenly feel younger on your next birthday.

In a viral Instagram video, Keenan laid out the ages that feel young or old.


Which ages are young and which are old (according to Ben Keenan)

21 to 26, YOUNG

27 to 32, OLD

33 to 36, YOUNG

37 to 39, OLD

40 to 45, YOUNG

46 to 49, OLD

50, YOUNG

51 to 52, OLD

53 to 59, YOUNG

60 to 61, OLD

62 to 65, YOUNG

66 to 68, OLD

69 to 74, YOUNG

75 and up, OLD

The video received nearly unanimous love in the comments, where many people tried to explain why Keenan makes so much emotional sense, though it’s a little shaky on logic.

ahah moment, lightbulb moment, brilliant idea, thought, inspired man A man has a brilliant idea.via Canva/Photos

"People call 30 'old’ because it’s the first collision with real adulthood—the end of carefree youth. Then 31–36 feels young again as you realize nothing truly changed and you’re still growing, just with more confidence. Around 37–39, life’s weight reappears—aging parents, shifting priorities, subtle reminders of time—so it feels “old” again. But by 40, you’ve accepted it all; you stop comparing, start owning who you are, and that acceptance brings back a sense of youth. Rinse and repeat," Ulises wrote.

“Can confirm that when I turned 37, I felt old. I turn 40 this week and feel SO YOUNG. I guess I’ll look forward to following your pattern for the rest of my life,” Heather commented.

“When I turned 60 last year, I decided that I’d gone from a very old young person, to a very young old person - the youngest in my cohort. Cheered me right up,” Jane added.


Does the aging process speed up?

Keenan’s post points out that feeling young or old isn’t necessarily a matter of age, but scientists say there are two significant moments in life when we experience spurts in aging. Researchers at Stanford tracked thousands of different molecules in people aged 25 to 75 and found that people tend to make two big leaps—one around 44 and another around 60.

Keenan’s theory of aging and his followers' rapturous support of the idea should make everyone feel a little better about getting older. If you feel old today, wait a few years, and then you may feel young again. It makes the adage, “Age ain’t nothing but a number,” seem true. According to Keenan, age isn’t really a number, but a phase.

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New study shows the top 36 names most likely to get hired

Would you rather hire Rita or Joanne? Warren or Eric?

Photo credit: Canva

The Bouba-Kiki effect is at it again.

Any parent who’s ever spent hours debating potential baby names can tell you the struggle is very, very real. It can be a mental minefield striking a balance between timeless and unique, authentic but not too hard to pronounce, meaningful but not the source of major embarrassment in years to come—no wonder some people pay upwards of $30K to have someone else do it for them.

Add to that the added dilemma of choosing a name that could make or break your child’s hireability? No pressure!

According to a study from Carleton University in Canada, some names do, in fact, sound more “hireable” than others.

Participants in the study were asked to choose between two job candidates using only their first names, with no other credentials. More specifically, they were asked to select which name was more likely to reflect someone with at least one of these hireable personality traits: honesty-humility, emotionality, extroversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness (i.e., how organized or hard-working a person is), and openness to experience.

The results? Smooth, melodic names that were sonorant-heavy—think long, round vowels and softer nasal-y consonants like m’s and l’s—tended to win the job offer. Congrats to all the Joannas, Noels, Laurens, and Liams out there!

baby names, most hireable names, most successful names, parents ,success, jobs, work Personally, I prefer the spikey names. Is that just me? media0.giphy.com

Conversely, names containing abrupt voiceless stops (p’s, t’s, and k’s) weren’t so favorable. Sorry, Rita, Eric, Kathy, and Hector.

This study reflects principles of the well-studied “Bouba/Kiki effect,” which shows that humans automatically associate specific images with certain words. Round vowel-heavy words (bouba) seem softer, while short vowel-hard consonant words (kiki) seem more aggressive. So it stands to reason that in this experiment—where people are looking for agreeable, peaceful candidates—those with more bouba-leaning names would win.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Of course, this doesn’t even take into account how socio-demographic cues, such as race and age, can trigger a bias. But it does show how much impact a name really has on how we are seen in the world. “The sound of a name might be one additional source of bias in hiring decisions,” said researchers David Sidhu and Penny Pexman. “When people don’t have much to go on, there really is a lot in a name.”

Without further ado, here are those names…

Names more likely to get a job:

  • Anne
  • Joanna
  • June
  • Lanah
  • Laurel
  • Lauren
  • Lois
  • Luna
  • Mara
  • Marla
  • Megan
  • Mona
  • Myah
  • Noelle
  • Norah
  • Nya
  • Renee
  • Rosanne
  • Abel
  • Allen
  • Lewis
  • Linus
  • Lorne
  • Lou
  • Lyle
  • Miles
  • Milo
  • Morris
  • Moses
  • Nathan
  • Noam
  • Noel
  • Owen
  • Ronin
  • Warren
  • Will

Names are less likely to get a job

  • Rita
  • Erica
  • Etta
  • Patty
  • Christie
  • Katie
  • Kasey
  • Petra
  • Kathy
  • Katia
  • Kate
  • Trista
  • Tracy
  • Pippa
  • Tessa
  • Tia
  • Greta
  • Yvette
  • Eric
  • Hector
  • Chris
  • Curtis
  • Kirk
  • Ted
  • Titus
  • Tucker
  • Tate
  • Terry
  • Pierce
  • Carter
  • Kipp
  • Kurt
  • Jack
  • Victor
  • Garrett
  • Zach

Thankfully, more information is usually available in actual hiring scenarios. Even within the study itself, researchers found that when participants were shown photos or videos of the candidates, the influence of the name decreased exponentially. So while there might be some benefit to having a soft, melodic name, it isn't the ultimate factor in gauging a person's potential.

Every parent wants to give their child the best start possible. So it can be compelling and wise to consider at least how a name might level the playing field for their kid in a world where bias can sneak in from the very first line of a résumé.

But perhaps the real takeaway here isn’t to pressure parents even more. Instead, it’s a reminder to employers to look past names entirely. Tracy or Zach can be just as collaborative, ambitious, and hard-working as Will or Mara.

Maybe if studies like this keep getting attention, that’s the change we’ll see next—a world where every name carries the same promise of possibility.

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