+
“A balm for the soul”
  review on Goodreads
GOOD PEOPLE Book
upworthy
Democracy

Powerful PSA uses reverse psychology to drum up support for assault weapons bill

In 90 seconds, it totally nails the absurdity of how we live.

gun violence assault weapons march fourth

A March Fourth PSA shows how our daily lives are impacted by mass shootings.

Those of us who live in the United States have a strange relationship with gun violence, no matter where we fall on the beliefs-about-guns spectrum. We have to. Our mass shootings statistics are too bizarre, too absurd to be real, and yet here we are, constantly living in a combined state of denial, disbelief, disillusionment and despair.

We don't have to live like this, and yet we do. Thanks to a well-funded gun lobby, our incredibly unhealthy ultra-partisan politics and debatable interpretations of the Second Amendment, most meaningful pieces of legislation put forth to curb our gun violence problem don't get passed. Everything but the guns gets blamed for our mass shooting problem, so we keep reliving the same nightmare over and over and over again.

A group of moms lived that nightmare on the Fourth of July, when a gunman opened fire on a parade in Highland Park, Illinois, killing seven and wounding 48. They immediately banded together with a singular purpose—to convince the government to ban assault weapons, which are increasingly becoming the weapon of choice in mass shootings.


They formed March Fourth two days after the parade shooting and organized a march in Washington, D.C., less than a week later. "I just want to go to DC, scream at the top of our lungs that we want these weapons of war banned, and not shut up until they listen," said founder Kitty Brandtner.

Her quote to WGN9 News was even more succinct: "They f**ked with the wrong moms."

Now March Fourth is holding another march at the Capitol on September 22 and they're inviting anyone and everyone to join them. In a powerful PSA promoting the march, Americans describe what they "love" and "enjoy" about living with mass shootings—a bit of reverse psychology that makes the absurdity of our reality painfully clear.

The truth is no one wants to live this way. And we don't have to. We can choose to take action to at least attempt to prevent mass gun violence. The assault weapons ban that was in place from 1994 to 2004 had an impact. One analysis shared in The Conversation estimated that the risk of a person in the U.S. dying in a mass shooting was 70% lower during the ban.

Before someone swoops in with the "How do you define assault weapon?" argument, the current Assault Weapons Ban of 2021 bill that has passed the House and sits before the Senate offers a lengthy definition of the kinds of firearms it includes right up top. Read it here.

See more information about joining March Fourth's September 22 march at the U.S. Capitol at wemarchfourth.org.

Culture

Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard open up about being attracted to other people - and why that's OK

For many couples, bringing up such a sensitive topic can cause some major jealousy.

via The Walt Disney Company / Flickr

One of the ways to tell if you're in a healthy relationship is whether you and your partner are free to talk about other people you find attractive. For many couples, bringing up such a sensitive topic can cause some major jealousy.

Of course, there's a healthy way to approach such a potentially dangerous topic.

Telling your partner you find someone else attractive shouldn't be about making them feel jealous. It's probably also best that if you're attracted to a coworker, friend, or their sibling, that you keep it to yourself.


But, being open about your sexual feelings, can be a way to spice things up in the bedroom and to let your partner know what you like.

Actress and mental health advocate Kristen Bell admits that she and her husband, actor Dax Shepard, have learned how to be open about their attraction to other people. The couple believes that being able to talk about such taboo topics without making each other jealous is a great way to preserve their relationship.

"He can tell me someone he finds attractive, female or male, 'cause he pauses the Olympics on a lot of runners, but it doesn't make me feel like he's going to leave me for that person because I'm not allowing my self-esteem to be affected," she explained.

Bell believes that it's completely normal and healthy for people in monogamous relationships to be attracted to other people.

"I know there are people on planet Earth that are more attractive than me, and well, we're not dead. I have to acknowledge we're monkeys," Bell said. As an attractive, famous couple working in Hollywood, there is extra pressure for them to be able to handle their jealousy.

The couple has also done a good job at accepting the fact that Bell is the primary bread-winner in the family. Studies show men have higher levels of stress if their wives earn more than 40% of their home's combined income.

About a third of women in the U.S. make more than their husbands.

While Shepard has had a successful career, acting in films such as "Idiocracy" and "Without a Paddle," Bell has starred in some major hits including, "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" and the "Bad Moms" films.

She's also made a pretty penny voicing Princess Anna in Disney's "Frozen" franchise.

"I think I've always out-earned him," Bell said about their careers. "I got a lot of opportunity, you're sharing in it, we're able to provide for a ton of our family members who may or may not be struggling," she continued, as if addressing Shepard. "I don't look at it like, 'This is mine and this is yours.' I'm like, 'This is ours. Get over it.'"

Bell believes that the couple's ability to get over petty jealousy is one way to make sure their unique relationship stands the test of time.

"Do you want to be on the porch with someone when you're 80?" Bell asked. "We both want that."


This article originally appeared on 5.6.21

via YouTube

History is full of great stories about bitter battles between loyal opposition. In basketball, there was Magic Johnson and Larry Bird. In the '80s, harsh political battles were fought between Ronald Reagan and Tip O'Neill. But all of these rivals respected their opposition as competitors in their respective fields. Now, a year-long battle between a cleaning crew and a street artist can be added to history's legendary battles between loyal opposition.


Mobstr is a London-based street artist famous for the sarcastic typographic-based graffiti he's written across London's walls and billboards. His cat-and-mouse relationship with an unidentified city worker began on July 17, 2014, and would continue for an entire year.

"I cycled past this wall on the way to work for years," Mobstr wrote on his website. " I noticed that graffiti painted within the red area was 'buffed' with red paint. However, graffiti outside of the red area would be removed via pressure washing. This prompted the start of an experiment. Unlike other works, I was very uncertain as to what results it would yield.”

Watch the video below and see what happens:

This article originally appeared on 09.23.17.

Sustainability

Scientists tested 3 popular bottled water brands for nanoplastics using new tech, and yikes

The results were alarming—an average of 240,000 nanoplastics per 1 liter bottle—but what does it mean for our health?

Suzy Hazelwood/Canva

Columbia University researchers tested bottled water for nanoplastics and found hundreds of thousands of them.

Evian, Fiji, Voss, SmartWater, Aquafina, Dasani—it's impressive how many brands we have for something humans have been consuming for millennia. Despite years of studies showing that bottled water is no safer to drink than tap water, Americans are more consuming more bottled water than ever, to the tune of billions of dollars in bottled water sales.

People cite convenience and taste in addition to perceived safety for reasons they prefer bottle to tap, but the fear factor surrounding tap water is still a driving force. It doesn't help when emergencies like floods cause tap water contamination or when investigations reveal issues with lead pipes in some communities, but municipal water supplies are tested regularly, and in the vast majority of the U.S., you can safely grab a glass of water from a tap.


And now, a new study on nanoplastics found in three popular bottled water brands is throwing more data into the bottled vs. tap water choice

Researchers from Columbia University used a new laser-guided technology to detect nanoplastics that had previously evaded detection due to their miniscule size.

The new technology can detect, count and analyze and chemical structure of nanoparticles, and they found seven different major types of plastic: polyamide, polypropylene, polyethylene, polymethyl methacrylate, polyvinyl chloride, polystyrene, and polyethylene terephthalate.

In contrast to a 2018 study that found around 300 plastic particles in an average liter of bottled water, the study published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences in January of 2024 found 240,000 nanoplastic particles per liter bottle on average between the three brands studied. (The name of the brands were not indicated in the study.)

As opposed to microplastics, nanoplastics are too small to be seen by microscope. Their size is exactly why experts are concerned about them, as they are small enough to invade human cells and potentially disrupt cellular processes.

“Micro and nanoplastics have been found in the human placenta at this point. They’ve been found in human lung tissues. They’ve been found in human feces; they’ve been found in human blood,” study coauthor Phoebe Stapleton, associate professor of pharmacology and toxicology at Rutgers University’s Ernest Mario School of Pharmacy told CNN Health,

We know that nanoplastics are making their way into our bodies. We just don't have enough research yet on what that means for our health, and we still have more questions than answers. How many nanoplastics does it take to do damage and/or cause disease? What kinds of damage or disease might they cause? Is whatever effect they might have cumulative? We simply don't have answers to these questions yet.

That's not to say there's no cause for concern.

We do know that certain levels of microplastic exposure have been shown to adversely affect the viability of cells. Nanoplastics are even smaller—does that mean they are more likely to cause cellular damage? Science is still working that out.

According to Dr. Sara Benedé of the Spanish National Research Council’s Institute of Food Science Research, it's not just the plastics themselves that might cause damage, but what they may bring along with them. “[Microparticles and nanoparticles] have the ability to bind all kinds of compounds when they come into contact with fluids, thus acting as carriers of all kinds of substances including environmental pollutants, toxins, antibiotics, or microorganisms,” Dr. Benedé told Medical News Today.

water plastic bottle on seashorePhoto by Brian Yurasits on Unsplash

Where is this plastic in water coming from?

This study focused on bottled water, which is almost always packaged in plastic. The filters used to filter the water before bottling are also frequently made from plastic.

Is it possible that some of these nanoplastics were already present in the water from their original sources? Again, research is always evolving on this front, but microplastics have been detected in lakes, streams and other freshwater sources, so it's not a big stretch to imagine that nanoplastics may be making their way into freshwater ecosystems as well. However, microplastics are found at much higher levels in bottled water than tap water, so it's also not a stretch to assume that most of the nanoplastics are likely coming from the bottling process and packaging rather than from freshwater sources.

assorted bottled waters on shelfPhoto by Giuseppe Famiani on Unsplash

The reality is, though, we simply don't know yet.

“Based on other studies we expected most of the microplastics in bottled water would come from leakage of the plastic bottle itself, which is typically made of PET (polyethylene terephthalate) plastic,” lead author Naixin Qian, a doctoral student in chemistry at Columbia University, told CNN Health. “However, we found there’s actually many diverse types of plastics in a bottle of water, and that different plastic types have different size distributions. The PET particles were larger, while others were down to 200 nanometers, which is much, much smaller.”

We need to drink water, and we need to drink safe water. At this point, we have plenty of environmental reasons for avoiding bottled water unless absolutely necessary and opting for tap water instead. Even if there's still more research to be done, the presence of hundreds of thousands of nanoplastics in bottled water might just be another reason to make the switch.


This article originally appeared on 2.2.24

Unsplash

A 30-year-old gay man took to r/NoStupidQuestions with, one could argue, a question that put the name of the subreddit to the test.

"Why do women behave so strangely until they find out I'm gay?"

User u/taco_nacho_burrito wrote that when he talks to women, they start off "super quiet, reserved, uninterested in making any sort of effort into whatever the interaction is."

Once he turns on the more flamboyant side of his personality, or mentions his boyfriend, the interactions do a 180 and women become "bright, bubbly and conversational."

Why is that?

Women were quick to chime in with the obvious answer. And more than a few stories.

man and woman facing each other at a bar Photo by LexScope on Unsplash

User sunny_hill_1 put it the best and most succinctly:

"Many times if a girl is bright, conversational, nice, and kind to a straight man, these straight men will take it as flirting. So women act reserved and uninterested to not invite romantic attention. Once they realize that you aren't going to be interested in them, they relax and can act bright and bubbly without it being taken the wrong way."

As if there was any doubt, the women in the comments came with receipts.

User S0baka wrote how they once touched a guy friend on the forearm and he went on have a relentless and aggressive crush on her for two years. Two years for a friendly forearm touch!

u/premadecookiedough writes: "Had a coworker of about 3 days once break up with his gf because I'm a totally easy lay and have been all over him at work. He bragged about it to multiple coworkers. Someone had to break it to him that I am both gay and in a relationship and I really was just being friendly."

u/Saturniids84 added: "The years I spent working retail/waitressing taught me men will convince themselves you are into them if you give them nothing more than a polite smile and friendly customer service. Just about every young female coworker I ever had ended up with a stalker or two. You learn young not to give men anything they could remotely misinterpret as interest."

"The potential threat disappears with your assumed heterosexuality. What you're seeing is them relaxing," explains u/pootles_carrot

How straight men can make women more comfortable in conversation

woman in black and white crew neck shirt smiling Photo by Megan Bucknall on Unsplash

The explanation makes total sense. It's not that women are suddenly excited about the (problematic) prospect of having a "gay best friend," it's that they feel safe enough to actually let their personality out without repercussions.

But where does that leave heterosexual men who want the women they interact with to feel safe? What do you do if you don't want someone to feel uncomfortable talking to you, but you don't know how to counteract the years of conditioning that have led them to that survival instinct?

Some of the Reddit commenters had some good ideas, and I reached out to a few experts, as well. Here are some tips — not for dating or flirting — but for how to have better and more positive human interactions.

Be mindful of proximity and touch.

Don't stand too close or attempt any physical contact, even if it's friendly.

"It’s much better to get to be too impersonal early on than coming off too strongly," says Thomas Banta, a clinical mental health counselor.

Talk to women like men

"Pay attention to how you talk to women vs the other men in your life," adds Banta. "If you’re saying [something] to a woman you’d never say to a guy, there’s a good chance that what you’re saying can be interpreted as flirty or boundary pushing."

Avoid physical compliments

"Compliments or observations should center around shared experiences, ideas, or interests, rather than anything that could be misinterpreted as personal or suggestive," suggests Joseph Cavins, a licensed marriage and family therapist.

"When a woman feels like she is being appreciated for her thoughts and perspectives, it fosters a sense of ease and mutual respect.

Be clear about intentions, but don't overexplain

Being explicit in the fact that you're not flirting can be reassuring, but don't overdo it.

Cavins adds that trying too hard to prove you're a good guy can come across as manipulative.

Be woman-approved

"Women trust 'straight' men that have been verified by other women. You having a baby is enough signal for women to feel safer around you and let their guard down" writes reddit user a_chill_transplant.

If you're really just looking for a friendly chat, bringing along a female friend or going out of your way to mention your spouse could help lower a person's guard.

If you can't be gay, be old!

The general consensus seems to be that the older the man, the less likely he is to get weird.

"Men absolutely become safer with age and the exact same compliments go from hackles up to, 'oh, thank you'." - breadystinellis

Although, commenters in the thread point out, be extra careful here. The betrayal and disgust when a so-called "safe" older guy turns creepy can be devastating.

It's heartbreaking to read how young the conditioning starts for most women. By the time most are 13 or so, they're already starting to learn how to suppress their personalities in certain situations so as not to give men "the wrong idea."

Straight guys can help by a) not being creeps and b) not getting upset when women we don't know are cold or standoffish. They have a lifetime of data that says they probably can't trust us.

Trust is something that has to be earned.

Evan Porter/Upworthy

Digital creator joyyunspeakable woke up to a sight that would send anyone into an utter tailspin.

Her husband of eleven years had left her a note. On the envelope, a cryptic and heart-pounding message:

"To my wife."

Inside the envelope, a letter read: "Let me start this off by saying that I Love You dearly. You mean the world to me. However..."

You don't need to be a marriage counselor to know that's not good news.

She feared the worst.

Joyyunspeakable shared a photo of the letter on social media with the caption, "Ladies ... choose yourself. I woke up to this nonsense after almost 11 years of marriage."

If you click the image and read closely, however, you'll find that the husband's letter isn't at all what it seems! It reads:

"Dear wife,

"Let me start this off by saying that I Love You dearly. You mean the world to me. However i owe it to myself as well as you to be completely honest with you. I have to come forward with my truth. I hate to do it this way but it's now or never because what I'm about to say has to be said."

The husband's 'truth'? He wanted to watch the basketball game that night without being bothered.

The husband, Fred, was extremely clear that he would be watching the New York Knicks kick off their NBA season that evening, and he would not be engaging in any outside activities during that time.

"No I will not watch our shows with you," he wrote. "No i will not get you something sweet. I will not take the dog out. ... I will sit on my couch, drink in hand and I will watch the game."

My personal favorite part is the P.S. at the end.

"The child may stay up past bedtime only if he watches the game with me. If he doesn't want to watch then off to bed with him. Thanks"

Everyone has needs in a marriage, including the need for alone time! Learning to communicate those needs in a healthy way isn't always easy

This 'Fred' sounds like a stand up dude.

He's firmly stated his need to watch the game, alone, without being interrupted. And he's done it in a funny way that reduces conflict and makes his wife laugh.

(He also encourages discussion by inviting his wife to contact him with any questions.)

Having alone time in a marriage or partnership is crucial, and can strengthen your connection with your partner! So it's easy to see this as just another "man wants to watch sports," story when really it's a "committed husband and father wants to fill his own cup" story.

Telling your partner that you want to be alone without hurting their feelings isn't always easy. Fred has managed to do it in a hilarious and effective way.

The story and photos quickly went viral across all social media platforms, drawing responses from Sports Illustrated, Yahoo! Sports, and DraftKings, to name just a few.

Almost unanimously, everyone agreed the prank was hysterical.

One user did chime in, though: "This is funny, but what is it with men and sports that makes them get like this? I don't understand, it's weird."

Joyyunspeakable simply said: "He forgets I exist and I love it because I like my alone time [too]"

Win win!