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Emma Thompson's witty, heartfelt tribute to Alan Rickman is one for the ages

May we all have a friend who shares our quirks this lovingly and articulately.

emma thompson, alan rickman, actors, friends, acting, legends

mma Thompson and Alan Rickman starred in seven films together.

Actor Alan Rickman gave us so many memorable characters, from the terrorist Hans Gruber in Die Hard to the oft ill-tempered antihero Severus Snape in the Harry Potter films, to the unfaithful husband who broke Emma Thompson's heart in Love Actually.

Though he was often cast as a villain, Rickman's distinctive voice and irresistible screen presence made audiences love him. He brought a unique human touch even to his most odious bad guy characters, a quality that makes perfect sense when you hear Thompson, his friend and co-star in seven films, talk about his character in real life.

In a moving tribute upon the release of his diaries in October 2022, Thompson shared insights into the virtues and quirks that made Rickman "blissfully contradictory."

Alan Rickman, actor, autographs, famous, photoAlan Rickman signing autographs at the Brooklyn Academy of Music, January 2011. Photo Credit: Marie-Lan Nguyen via Wikimedia Commons 

Thompson is at the top of her award-winning writer game here, and her words about Alan Rickman are filled with heart, wit, respect, admiration and love. It's truly a eulogy for the ages.

Watch (or read the full transcript below):

- YouTubeyoutu.be

People love Thompson's tribute to her friend and some have even shared their own stories of their encounters with Alan Rickman:

"A close friend of mine bumped into him in a theatre in London many years ago. My friend instantly recognised Mr Rickman and from nowhere, instantly found the courage to ask him for his autograph. Having neither pen nor paper for this, he asked Mr Rickman if he would mind waiting a moment whilst he collected the items from somewhere, anywhere! The moment became at least 10 minutes or so, and when my friend ran back to a now empty theatre foyer, he noticed one solitary figure. Mr Rickman had waited patiently for my friend to give him what he asked for."

"I was lucky enough to work with him on a film. At lunchtime I joined the line for a meal and as I payed and went to turn to look for a table, someone knocked into me from behind and my drink went flying. I turned and it was Alan, he apologized put his hand on my shoulder and said let me get you another. He came back with a cup of tea and I was so overwhelmed. I was shocked how he was so down to earth and a real gentleman."

"I meet him once in Boots and said hello, he realised it was a reflex to recognising a known face. He picked up an item we both were looking at, smiled and said “well hello there are we going to arm wrestle for this?” That deep tone rendered me mute, I realised it was Mr Rickman and instantly denied needing this forgotten thing, apologised for well nothing really, smiled and backed away. He was a giant of a fellow on and off the stage and will be missed."

"Everything she said is true. I was fortunate to have dinner with him and his wife and his drama teacher. He was charming and friendly and shared some great ideas about directing, which I use today in my theater group. He is missed by many."

Indeed he is.

Here's the full transcript of Thompson's tribute:

"The most remarkable thing about the first days after Alan died was the number of actors, poets, musicians, playwrights and directors who wanted to express their gratitude for all the help he'd given them. I don't think I know anyone in this business who has championed more aspiring artists nor unerringly perceived so many great ones before they became great. Quite a number said, latterly, that they'd been too shy to thank him personally. They had found it hard to approach him. And of all the contradictions in my blissfully contradictory friend (hold on, Thompson), this is perhaps the greatest this combination of profoundly nurturing and imperturbably distant.

He was not, of course, distant. He was alarmingly present at all times the inscrutability was partly a protective shield. If anyone did approach him with anything like gratitude or even just a question, they would be greeted with a depth of sweetness that no one who didn't know him could even guess at. And he was not, of course, unflappable. I could flap him like nobody's business and when I did he was fierce with me and it did me no end of good.

He was generous and challenging, dangerous and comical, sexy and androgynous, virile and peculiar, temperamental and languid, fastidious and casual, the list could go on. I'm sure you can add to it. There was something of the sage about him, and had he had more confidence and been at all corruptible, he could probably have started his own religion.

His taste in all things from sausages to furnishings appeared to me anyway to be impeccable. His generosity of spirit was unsurpassed and he had so much time for people I used to wonder if he ever slept or ever got time for himself. A word not traditionally associated with Alan is gleeful, but when he was genuinely amused he was absolutely the essence of glee. There would be a holding back as the moment built, and then a sudden leaning forward and a swinging around of the torso as a vast, impish grin flowered, sometimes accompanied by an inarticulate shout of laughter. It was almost as if he was surprised by himself. It was my life's mission to provide those moments. I remember Imelda Staunton nearly killing him by telling him a story about my mother and an unfortunate incident with some hashish—it's a really good story, I won't tell it now—I've never seen him laugh more before or since. It was a bit like watching someone tickling the Sphinx.

One Christmas Eve party I had a sprig of mistletoe hanging up at home, and I was loitering under it and turned to find Alan bearing down on me. I lifted up my chin hopefully. He smiled and approached. I puckered. He leaned in under the mistletoe and a sudden change came over his face. His eyes started to glitter and his nostrils to quiver. He lifted up a hand, reached in, and pulled a longish hair out of my chin. 'Ow!' I said. 'That's an incipient beard,' he said, handing me the hair and walking off.

That was the thing about Alan—you never knew if you were going to be kissed or unsettled, but you couldn't wait to see what would come next. And the trouble with death is that there is no next. There's only what was, and for that, I am profoundly and heartbrokenly grateful. So the last thing we did together was change a plug on a standard lamp in his hospital room. The task went the same way as everything we have ever done together. I had a go. He told me to try something else. I tried. It didn't work, so he had a go. I got impatient. I took it from him. I tried it again. It still wasn't right. We both got slightly irritable, then he patiently took it all apart again and got the right lead into the right hole. I screwed it in with a screwdriver. We complained about how fiddly it was, and then we had a cup of tea. Took us at least half an hour, this thing, and he said after, 'Well it's a good thing I decided not to become an electrician.'

I'm still heartbroken that Alan's gone, but these diaries bring back so much of what I remember of him. There is that sweetness I mentioned, his generosity, his champion of others, his fierce, critical eye, his intelligence, his humor. He was the ultimate ally in life, art, and politics. I trusted him absolutely. He was, above all things, a rare and unique human being and we shall not see his like again."

Alan Rickman, actor, fans, famous, photoAlan Rickman posing for a fan at the Brooklyn Academy of Music, January 2011.Photo Credit: Marie-Lan Nguyen via Wikimedia Commons

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

Girl stops 80s game show host in his tracks as he tries to kiss her

The 80s seems like a completely different lifetime when it comes to what was considered acceptable behavior. Things people deemed acceptable or were just part of everyday expectations for television back in the 60s through well into the 90s would get stars blacklisted today. But there was one game show in the 80s that had moments so cringy that even for the times may have raised some eyebrows though everyone seemed to go along with it, except one brave little girl.

The Canadian show, Just Like Mom ran from 1980-1985 even with the uncomfortable moments between the game show host and young girls. The girls who were aged 7-12 would appear on the show with their mother answering questions about each other and competing in bake-offs to see which pair knew each other best. Just Like Mom was created by Catherine Swing, the wife of the show's host Fergie Olver who would often stand uncomfortably close to the girls and elicit kisses.

 80s game show; just like mom; Fergie Olver; 80s childhood; family game show; body autonomy Mom hugging crying daughterPhoto credit: Canva

Recently a compilation video of the game show host behaving in a manner people might consider questionable is going viral. In the video the Olver stands near the girls, often putting his hand on their backs, placing his face close to theirs to ask questions. The very first clip shows 11-year-old Lee Ann, Olver hovers over her asking what color her eyes are.

"What color are your eyes?" Olver asks before the child tells him they're blue, to which he responds, "they're not blue, now don't tell me that. Look at me a little closer." Just as the girl leans in slightly, appearing hesitant to do so, Olver quickly kisses the child on the side of her mouth and declares, "they're green."

 80s game show; just like mom; Fergie Olver; 80s childhood; family game show; body autonomy Dad kissing child on cheekPhoto credit: Canva

The audience sounds as if they didn't know how to react to the bizarre moment. Some people loudly gasp, others uncomfortably chuckle, while a few seem to let out a high pitched surprised squeal. The girl also laughs uneasily while the host remains extremely close. Video clip after video clip shows similar interactions where the host tries to either kiss the girls or have them kiss him but one little girl refused. While it appeared that she was nervous to do so in front of a live audience, on television and refusing a directive from an adult, she stood her ground.

This was a moment where parents can see in real time the benefit of teaching body autonomy and the power of teaching children that no is a complete sentence. Olver originally didn't accept the young girl's "no," attempting to coerce her into kissing him when she was clearly uncomfortable and uninterested in the request.

The host perches himself up close to the young girl and says, "you look like a girl who likes to give out hugs and kisses," to which the girl laughs with discomfort before saying, "not really." That didn't stop him, Olver continued, "not really? can I have a hug and a kiss?" This time the girl gives a very direct answer through nerves by shaking her head no while saying "uh-uh." She's clearly uncomfortable as she bites her fingernail trying to assert authority over her body against someone much older.

At this point the child has been clear. She immediately told the host she didn't give out hugs and kisses and when that didn't work she mustered the courage to say no more directly. Olver was still not accepting of the child's boundaries and continued to apply pressure by questioning her decision, "I can't have one?" Again the child shakes her head and says no but he persists, saying "even if I say...whisper in your ear that Alison you're going to win the show? I still can't have a hug and a kiss?" Alison sticks to her answer so Olver changes tactics, telling the child, "Well I guess you can't win the show then if I don't get a hug and a kiss."

 80s game show; just like mom; Fergie Olver; 80s childhood; family game show; body autonomy Mom comforting daughterPhoto credit: Canva

Alison stayed firm in her no but the host's behavior resulted in the child's mother calling him a dirty old man. In the end the host appears to have moved on and told the girl she did a good job answering one of the questions, but to top the praise Olver attempts to sneak a kiss. The little girl didn't let that deter her as she quickly dodged his advance.

It seems apparent that Alison's parents instilled the idea of bodily autonomy in her giving her full permission to say no to adults and anyone else who dares to get in her space without consent. While the experience was probably not one that she would've ever wanted to have, that moment likely gave permission to other young girls watching to tell the host and other like him no. And no is a complete sentence, especially when it comes to someone's body. There's no further explanation needed. No further clarification. The answer is simply no. Well done Alison. Well done.

This article originally appeared in May.

Education

Mom explains why her 1st grader's second-day of school homework already crushed his spirit

"He already doesn’t get home from school until 4 pm. Then he had to sit still for another hour plus to complete more work."

Photo credit: Cassi Nelson/Facebook

How much homework is too much homework?

Debates about homework are nothing new, but the ability of parents to find support for homework woes from thousands of other parents is a fairly recent phenomenon. A mom named Cassi Nelson shared a post about her first grader's homework and it quickly went viral. Nelson shared that her son had come home from his second day of school with four pages of homework, which she showed him tearfully working on at their kitchen counter.

"He already doesn’t get home from school until 4 pm," she wrote. "Then he had to sit still for another hour plus to complete more work. I had to clear out the kitchen so he could focus. His little legs kept bouncing up and down, he was bursting with so much energy just wanting to go play. Then he broke my heart when he looked up at me with his big teary doe eyes and asked…. 'Mommy when you were little did you get distracted a lot too?!' Yes sweet baby, mommy sure did too! I don’t know how ppl expect little children to sit at school all day long and then ALSO come home to sit and do MORE work too…."


Nelson tells Upworthy that she was "shocked" that kindergarteners and first graders have homework, much less the amount they were expected to do. "We didn't have homework like this when we were in these younger grades."

Expert opinion and research is somewhat mixed on the homework front, but there isn't any conclusive evidence that homework is universally beneficial for students and too much homework can actually be harmful. As a standard, the National Education Association (NEA) and the National Parent Teacher Association (NPTA) support a limit on homework of “10 minutes of homework per grade level."

With that as a guide, a first grader shouldn't have more than 10 minutes of homework on any given school day, but it's not unusual for young kids to have two or three times the recommended limit of homework. That can be stressful for both kids and parents, cutting into valuable family time and limiting kids' time to decompress, play and freely engage in imaginative activity.

 homework, students, elementary school kids, pens, pencils,  Kids working on their homework. via Canva/Photos

As Nelson concluded, "It’s breaking their spirit and it robs them of what little fun and family time they have when they come home after a long day of school."

Most parents and even most teachers in the comments agreed with her that four pages of homework is too much for a first grader, especially on only the second day of school:

"Poor little man. Children below a certain grade should not be given homework! Small children have a hard time sitting still for a long period of time yet alone expected to sit and do hours of homework, for what??? They are SMALL CHILDREN! Let them snack, play, laugh and all the other fun things when they get home. You are only a child once, they don't need that taken away from them. Let them embrace their inner creativity, imagination, recipes, etc."

"This breaks my spirit. Our schools are huge scams. You're exactly right Cassi. Homework is ridiculous. Kids til the age of 10 primarily learn through real life situations and play scenarios."

"I hate that for him! My little one has ADHD and doing homework after sitting in class all day is very stressful to him and makes him hate school. They are in school for 7 hours they shouldn’t have homework. That definitely takes away any kind of family time and that’s why kids never spend time with parents anymore because they have all this homework to do after being gone all day.I feel that if it can’t be done in the 7 hours they have the kids then it should wait until the next school day."

"I don’t make them do homework at home when they are that little. It’s not fair!They are at school allllll day! And it’s already sooooo much for their little bodies and brains! I’ve never had a teacher upset about it either.. and even if I did oh well!"

"That breaks my heart. 4 pages is absolutely ridiculous for young kids. My daughter is going into 2nd grade next month, the 2 years in school it was always 1 page of homework sometimes back and front if it was math. And to read."

"I don’t send homework home with my students , 8 hours a day is enough for little minds to be going . They need and deserve a break," a teacher wrote. "As a second grade teacher, I don’t believe in sending homework home. I do send a reading log home and ask that they complete an hour of reading for the entire month, but I understand they are just kids and need to be kids!" another added.

"I was in this boat with my son…conversation with the principal and teachers helped dramatically!! It’s too much and we have to advocate for them."

Nelson was blown away by the response to her post, which has been shared on Facebook over 89,000 times. "I NEVER thought me sharing my thoughts openly about how my heart hurt watching my little guy struggle would connect to so many others worldwide going through the same thing," she says.

Many parents shared that excessive homework is one of the reasons they decided to homeschool their children, which Nelson took to heart. The week after sharing her viral homework post, she shared that they had had their first day of homeschooling. It was "A HUGE SUCCESS!!!!" she wrote, with her son getting far more work done in a far shorter amount of time, sitting for classes for just 1 hour and 45 minutes total.

Nelson tells Upworthy she was totally intimidated to try homeschooling. "I seriously thought there was no way," she says. "But I knew I had to set my fear aside and just take the leap for my kids. I told myself I'd figure it out one way or another. And here we are three days in and it's been the easiest and best choice I've ever made."


Homeschooling is not the right solution for every family, however, so the question of homework remains an important issue for kids, parents, teachers, and schools to work out.

This article originally appeared last year.

Image via Canva

Frugal people share the best $50 or less investments that have saved them exponentially more.

Sometimes you have to spend money to save money, and people who live a budget-conscious, frugal lifestyle have perfectly mastered how to do it.

In a Reddit post, member jul_on_ice posed the question: "What’s one small upgrade (under $50) that saved you more money than you expected?"

They continued, "Talking about small wins that compounded over time over one thing that made a drastic difference. Frugality is often about not spending but sometimes investments can pay off. Maybe something that made work easier. Made life better. Made you more comfortable. Or something bought once that replaced lots of things you once had to spend on."

Fellow frugal people had lots of money saving hacks to share. These are 35 things that frugal people spent less than $50 on that have saved them lots of money.

"Vacuum sealer. I’m single and most shopping/recipes are four or five meals for me. Often I would have food waste because I no longer wanted the food after the third meal. Now I cook, have the leftovers I want, and vacuum seal the rest in portions. Keeps the food fresh and saves room in my freezer." —mercfan3

"Don’t rent the modem/router combo from Comcast. Just buy your own." —Dove_of_Doves

"A couple of incredibly mundane purchases that I should have made years earlier: having extra sets of measuring spoons (~ $3 per set) makes cooking so much easier; a digital cooking thermometer (~ $15); and a tire inflator that plugs into the car's cigarette lighter ($35) so I can top up the tires at home, rather than trying to find a place with a working air hose. ETA: A french press ($20) and electric kettle ($25). Have used the same french press for more than a decade, and get better tasting coffee without buying filters or K-cups. An electric kettle is surprisingly useful." —Taggart3629

"$9 3-cup rice cooker." —CeleronHubbard

"Popsicle molds. I live in the desert and we eat so many popsicles. Making them myself has saved money and they’re healthier." —Adventurous-Fig-5179

"Dropped cable, kept internet only. Pay for separate Netflix and Disney and all total we save $35 a month over the cable bundle. We did not watch 90% of the channels included. Definite win for us." —GarudaMamie

"Adding an over-the-air antenna. Is a great addition to cutting that “cable tv” cord. It is much easier than you think." —williamtrose367

"We got a renter friendly bidet and it has saved us SO MUCH in toilet paper usage." —Specific_Wait_8006

"We went with cloth diapers when the kids were little it saved us a bunch and kept a bunch of garbage out of the landfill. Once they were potty trained we were able to sell a lot of them." —Responsible-Charge27

"Maybe not a quantifiable dollar amount of a change, but I switched my mindset from “Unitaskers are bad” to “Unitaskers are acceptable if they do the 1 thing better than anything else”. Example: Those plastic pulled pork meat claw things are not better than a fork for the task of shredding meat, but a good mandolin slicer is much faster and probably safer overall than a knife, and rice cookers can cook rice exceptionally well, even if that’s all they do." —Ryutso

"Needles and threads. You can fix anything material with small rips or tears. I’ve extended the life of clothes, bags, and kids stuffed animals by years." —baldbutthairy

"I know this sounds crazy, but realizing I could buy more than one of something (e.g. bath mats, reading glasses, chargers, etc.) I had to really work on changing my thinking around this due to past financial challenges." SomeTangerine1184

"Second hand slow cooker. Money saving meals made from cheap tinned foods: daal, chilli, casserole, soups." —Ambitious_Ad1844

"Anything like this is usually an inexpensive household repair that I waited too long to do. Replacing loose door handles, fixing a leaky faucet, repairing the drip line from my A/C. Little cheap things that just made my life... better." —gogomom

"My aeropress has been a ridiculously good investment. It’s much more portable than a french press. I have it with me now while I’m travelling and I can access a good cup of coffee using the hotel kettle." —mrjasong

"I am a freezie human and nowhere is that more apparent than on airplanes. So I had this 'warm fuzzy' vest for wearing on the plane with a tougher outer fabric and a soft fleecy inner. I paid a seamstress to add an invisible zipper to one of the seams on the inside of the vest and now the gap in between the fleece inner fabric and the tougher outer fabric is what in the 1920s would be called a 'passthrough pocket' or modern hunters might call it a 'game pocket'. But you know what else? It's now my personal item and I wear it on the plane, Scott-e-Vest style, but cheaper. And now because of that, I can fly more budget airlines because I have less luggage-as-in-bags." —heinfamousj

"The jury is still out, but I recently made the switch to rechargeable AA batteries. I'm optimistic this will save me money as I use AAs in my camera flashes and go through a lot of them. It's not a purchase, but rather a process that I think is going to help a lot. I put everything on my 2% cash back credit card and pay it off at the end of the month. Recently, to get a better handle on my daily spending, I decided on what my monthly credit card bill goal should be. Divide that number by 30 and I get my daily spending goal. I then created a spreadsheet and track how much I spend each day and have a column with a running total for over/under. It's motivating to look and see 'Hey, I'm $XXX under budget so far for the month.' The daily goal is high enough to account for things like gas in my truck, haircuts and groceries." —No_Blueberry_8454

"Yearly paper planner. No more missed rendez-vous or deadlines, no more late fees. I tried going digital, but it doesn't work for my ADHD brain. I just snooze the reminders and forget about it. Until it's too late. So I went back to paper, and it's worth the $12-ish per year to me." —Duck__Holliday

"Bought a dead battery Dyson vacuum on Facebook market. Did the Ryobi battery upgrade. Got cheap 8ah Ryobi battery off ebay. Got a cheap Ryobi battery Charger off facebook market. Total all was about $50-60 and it works great." —antsam9

"Dying my hair at my hairdresser rather than at home. No more stains from the home dye. No wrecked towels, clothing or hair." —JoyCrazy

"If you drink a lot of soda or sparkling water, a Soda Stream can help you save. Just the CO2 canisters comes out to about $0.11 for 12 ounces vs paying about $0.50 per can of store bought soda. What gets you are the syrups… that can bring the price up to $0.40 ish per 12 ounces. So to be extra frugal, you could make your own fruit syrups and skip the store-bought stuff. Make a simple syrup (one part sugar, one part water; boil on the stove) and add lemon or lime or orange juice or whatever… I’m sure there are recipes all over the internet. And boom, homemade La Croix. It’s an investment to start, but saves over time." —Drooly_Cat_1103

"Somewhat location dependent but if you are in a dry climate like me and rely on humidifiers running 24/7, buy a cheap water distiller on Amazon (I think mine was like $60 but close enough, you might even find one under 50 if you look/wait for a sale). Distilled water gets pricey, but not using distilled water will junk up your humidifier with minerals which is both a bitch to clean and can eventually cause problems with the function. Save yourself the trouble. Also useful for steam cleaners, mixing your own cleaning sprays from concentrates, misting bottles, etc. At least if you have hard water, anything where you are repeatedly putting a lot through a very small line, distilled is preferred to prevent mineral buildup." —ilanallama85

"I got a Walmart+ membership (got it for $49, it renews at half off the $99 at anniversary). I get free shipping, so when I need something small (like shampoo), I don't need to run to the store. I've used Walmart+ so much more than I ever used Amazon Prime. It costs less, and I find I buy less random crap with Walmart+ than Prime." —sbinjax

"Three inexpensive manual coffee makers: Bialetti Moka Express pot, Bodum French Press, and V60 pour over. Bought all 3, virtually new, at the thrift shop for under 20 total about 5 years ago. The Bialetti makes an espresso-like cup, the Bodum is rich and strong, and the V60 makes a softer, smoother cup of coffee." —zeitness

"Not sure this will ever meaningfully 'pay out' on the investment, but a timer switch for the bathroom fan. I have ADHD and benefit from as many "set it and forget it" items as I can possibly get. Now I can set the fan, have a shower, walk away, and it'll turn itself off after a decent airing-out, and I don't end up walking by the bathroom 4 hours later like 'how long has the fan been on??' Less electricity used, less wear and tear on the fan, less conditioned air lost. Is it more savings than the amount I spent? Probably not for a long time. But it feels better!" —Kitchen-Owl-7323

"A shutoff valve to go above the shower heads in my kids’ bathroom’s so I can limit the flow. We have high water pressure and my kids universally put the faucets at max flow. I used the valves to cut the flow in half. The water pressure is still great but now they use half the water and the hot water now lasts through all six of our showers. I haven’t calculated the savings but I know we are using much less energy in water heating and much less water." —nottherealme1220

"A $30.00 pair of very high quality sharp scissors bought at a sewing machine store 20 years ago freed me forever from paying for haircuts. One YouTube video showed me how to trim & maintain - done. My brother bought a clipper set for $20.00 at the same time and does his own cuts. All that money gets plunked into savings!" —VulcanGreeting

"i switched from some fancy expensive work boots id been wearing to some 18 dollar shoes with 10 dollar insoles i got at walmart. i added the extra insoles on top of the existing ones for extra comfort. this saved me however how much i would have spent for my foot pain that was nearing bad enough to warrant medical attention. these are seriously the most comfortable shoes i have ever owned, i even wear them outside of work, on hikes, just going out on a wet day. over a year in and the extra insoles might need replaced in a few months but the shoes and their original insoles (the ones on bottom) are holding up perfectly. I'm in a better mood at work now too." —cccameronnn

If you see a man and two dogs, look again.

Optical illusions are wild. The way our brains perceive what our eyes see can be way off base, even when we're sure about what we're looking at. Plenty of famous optical illusions have been created purposefully, from the Ames window that appears to be moving back and forth when it's actually rotating 360 degrees, to the spiral image that makes Van Gogh's "Starry Night" look like it's moving.

But sometimes optical illusions happen by accident. Those ones are even more fun because we know they aren't a result of someone trying to trick our brains. Our brains do the tricking all by themselves.

The popular Massimo account on X shared a photo that appears to be a person and two dogs in the snow. The more you look at it, the more you see just that—two dogs and someone who is presumably their owner. Turn the photo every which way and it's still the same conclusion. That's a person and two dogs, right?

 

But there are not two dogs in the photo. There are actually three dogs in this picture. Can you see the third?

Full confession time: I didn't see it at first. Not even when someone explained that the "human" is actually a dog. My brain couldn't see anything but a person with two legs, dressed all in black, with a furry hat and some kind of furry stole or jacket. My brain definitely did not see a black poodle, which is what the "person" actually is.

Are you looking at the photo and trying to see it, totally frustrated? The big hint is that the poodle is looking toward the camera. The "hat" on the "person" is the poodle's poofy tail, and the "scarf/stole" is the poodle's head.

Once you see it, it fairly clear, but for many of us, our brains did not process it until it was explicitly drawn out. This outline helps somewhat:

 

As one person explained, the black fur hides the contours and shadows, so all our brains take in is the outline, which looks very much like a person facing away from us.

People's reactions to the optical illusion were hilarious. One person wrote, "10 years later: I still see two dogs and a man."

 

Another person wrote, "I agree with ChatGPT :)" and shared a screenshot of the infamous AI chatbot describing the photo as having a person in the foreground. Even when asked, "Could the 'person' be another dog?" ChatGPT said it's possible, but not likely. Ha.

 

One reason we love optical illusions is that they remind us just how very human we are. Unlike a machine that takes in and spits out data, our brains perceive and interpret what our senses bring in—a quality that has helped us through our evolution. But the way our brains piece things together isn't perfect. Even ChatGPT's response is merely a reflection of our human imperfections at perception being mirrored back at us. They say seeing is believing, but when what we interpret what we're seeing incorrectly, we end up believing things that might not be real.

Sure is fun to play with how our brains work, though. Also a good reminder that what we think we see, even with our own eyes, may not be an accurate picture of reality.

This article originally appeared last year.

@legacyofagrandpa/Instagram

Why that surprise visit might not be the gift you're hoping to bestow.

It’s a bittersweet situation for many adults—you live close enough to your own parents that grandma and grandpa can help out with the kids from time to time. On the one hand, you’ve got the luxury of a village at your disposal. Holidays are a cinch. Yay. But with that close proximity also comes blurry boundaries, which can take on the form of “surprise” grandparent visits during the most inopportune times.

Which brings us to the question: should grandparents be able to drop by unannounced in the first place? If you ask grandfather of two Rick Cognata, who regularly posts grandparent related content on his "Legacy Of A Grandpa" Instagram account, you’ll get a pretty definitive answer.

In a video from early 2025, Cognata shared why making a call first might be a better move, explaining how well it works for his own kids.

“I am on my way to my daughter’s house and guess what? I called first,” Cognata began. “I said, ‘Hey, do you mind if I come over? I’m missing them. I just want to pop over. I’ll bring some food, whatever.’”

While this time Cognata's daughter gave the okay, in the past she’s also told him “No Dad, today is not a good day.” And offering up this bit of autonomy can make all the difference in a grandparent-parent dynamic. Though Cognata shared that it’s not quite the norm.

“I see a lot with my friends that this presents a problem with ... us grandparents ... that just pop over. Like, ‘This is my kid, they live around the corner from me, I will pop over when I want. My parents did it to me and I do it to them.’”

 setting boundaries, grandparents, grandparent visits, family, parenting, time with family, family dynamics A phone call is all it takes to avoid uncomfortable feelings. Photo credit: Canva

Cognata concluded by saying that of course, the drop in policy will differ from family to family, but in his own observation, “I hear a lot of my friends’ children saying, ‘I wish they would call.’”

“So that’s all I’m saying ... some of us might be crossing that line a little bit.”

By and large, folks generally seemed to agree with Cognata’s stance.

“Totally agree it’s called respect as our children are now adults themselves. ❤️

“🙌 I ALWAYS make contact first. They are a separate family unit to us and have their own life and routines. This has to be respected 🙌❤️🙌❤️🙌”

“Agreed! Your kids are now your friends and they deserve your respect. Not everyone is up for company ( family) at any given time. They need to have their own space and decide when the timing is right. I expect the same from them. It works beautifully that way! ❤️”

Still, others felt the rule to be unnecessary.

“It’s sad that family can’t pop over like it was when I grew up. But once an adult child gets married we have to respect how they want to live.”

“When I was younger and into my early married life, we would pop over to people's houses all the time. I think it's a southern thing.”

 setting boundaries, grandparents, grandparent visits, family, parenting, time with family, family dynamics Southerners- do people stop by your house all the time? Photo credit: Canva

Whether or not you totally agree with Cognata’s opinion on this particular topic, it’s easy to see how it brings up a broader shift in how we approach family dynamics. Terms like “boundaries” certainly weren’t as mainstream when we (or our parents) were growing up, and it’s still relatively new territory for everyone. That’s why having open conversations, even online ones, can be pivotal for gaining perspective and possibly finding an approach that’s a win win for everyone.

By the way, Cognata has all kinds of grandparent-related discussions on his Instagram, which you can find here.

This article originally appeared in March