8 emotionally intelligent phrases that will strengthen your marriage, according to therapists

Maintaining a healthy marriage comes down to effective communication. And when both partners in a marriage are emotionally intelligent, it establishes strong communication that strengthens a relationship.

So what exactly is emotional intelligence?

"Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and respond to emotions, both your own and your partner’s, with empathy and intention," Marisa Ronquillo, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Sacramento, California, and founder of Insightful Roots Therapy, tells Upworthy.

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For married couples, emotional intelligence is key to connecting with one another when issues arise.

"In marriage, it’s what turns conflict into connection," adds Ronquillo. "When partners can name what they feel without blame and listen without defensiveness, it creates psychological safety, which is the foundation of intimacy and trust."

Here are eight emotionally intelligent phrases married couples can use to help strengthen their relationship:

"I understand why you would feel that way and I recognize your perspective."

Saying this to your partner will validate them.

"This phrase includes two key skills of emotional intelligence—empathy and validation—and allows for a difference of opinion in an understanding way," Danielle Dellaquila, a therapist and licensed social worker at Gateway to Solutions, tells Upworthy. "Using this phrase, a partner recognizes and validates their partner's emotions, helping the partner feel heard and understood. Even if the couple does not agree on the topic at hand, a response like this allows you to recognize what your partner is feeling without being dismissive or defensive. It helps to strengthen a marriage because effective conversation can come from a statement like this."

"I need your support with [specific need]. Can we work on this together?"

Your partner will feel like you're united and on the same team by saying this phrase.

"This phrase expresses vulnerability and a clear signal about need, while inviting both partners to work together on the solution," Danielle Sethi, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Florida, tells Upworthy. "Instead of framing the other as the problem, we frame problems as separate from us which allows us to work through them together."

"I want to understand the part of you that feels that way."

This phrase creates a platform for your partner to open up.

"This phrase demonstrates curiosity, rather than judgment," Lisa Chen, a marriage and family therapist, tells Upworthy. "And for the partner sharing their part, a partner's curiosity builds trust."

"Let’s pause and come back to this topic after we both calm ourselves down."

Sometimes stopping a conversation can be beneficial for both partners.

"This phrase can help strengthen a marriage during conflict by fostering healthy conflict resolution and self-regulation," notes Dellaquila. "It is each partner's job to manage and regulate their own emotions, and this statement recognizes the need for space to do so when a conversation gets too heated. The ability to voice the need for a break shows that the partner is aware of both their own and their partner's emotional state and can recognize when a pause is needed to self-regulate and ensure healthy communication about issues."

"Help me understand what is going on for you emotionally right now."

This phrase will erase confusion and open the floor for your partner to share.

"We do not always know what our partner is feeling or thinking, and it is not our job to mind-read or guess. However, this statement helps you gently ask your partner to open up about what they are feeling and shows that you care about their emotions and want to understand them truly," says Dellaquila. "It helps strengthen a marriage by showing support and a desire to understand and work with your partner through any difficult emotions they may be experiencing. It also helps prevent conflict that can arise from trying to assume what your partner is feeling."

"I can see how that would be hard."

This phrase is all about empathy.

"Validation is one of the most powerful tools in emotional intelligence," says Ronquillo. "This phrase signals empathy and acknowledgment, not agreement or blame. It softens defensiveness and makes your partner feel emotionally safe, which increases collaboration and closeness."

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"I felt [emotion] when [situation] happened. Is now a good time to talk about that?"

Both partners will appreciate the freedom to process their emotions when using this phrase.

"This phrase allows a partner to share their emotional experience while respecting the other person’s readiness to engage," Sethi explains. "We aren't all ready for difficult conversations at any given time. This framing points out that couples need to make sure they are regulated and ready before entering a conversation so they do not explode on their partner."

"What do you need from me right now—comfort, a solution, or just to be heard?"

Asking your partner what they need encourages honesty.

"So many arguments escalate because partners mismatch needs; one wants to vent, the other wants to fix," Ronquillo explains. "This phrase helps clarify intentions and align responses. It communicates presence and respect for your partner’s emotional process, strengthening mutual trust and emotional intimacy."