+
Pop Culture

The '7 friends theory' is a problematic concept packaged in a celebration of friendship

The "7 friends theory" may make for some cute, clickable social media virality, but it's more harmful than helpful when it comes to friendship.

7 friends sitting arm in arm looking out over the water
Photo by Duy Pham on Unsplash

The "7 friends theory" viral trend on TikTok isn't as warm and fuzzy as it seems.

Friendship is wonderful. In my four decades, I've had more than my fair share of close, supportive, ride-or-die friends who have helped shape me and carry me through it all. Friendship has played a huge role in my life, which is why the viral "7 friends theory" social media trend caught my eye.

It's also why I'm calling b.s. on the whole idea.

The "7 friends theory" posits that there are seven friends you need in your life:

1. The friend you’ve had since you were little
2. The friend who makes you laugh in all situations
3. The friend you might not talk to for a long time, but nothing changes
4. The friend you can tell anything without judgment
5. The friend who feels like a sister (or brother)
6. The friend you can’t imagine not being your life
7. The friend you share all of your dating/relationship problems with.


The wording on this seven-item checklist changes slightly with different videos, but the gist is always the same. Here are a few examples that got millions of views on TikTok:

@slothyrach

luv this💛🥰😁 #CapCut

@lysscausey

7 bridesmaids for a reason 🥹🤍#CapCut #bride #married #wedding #bridesmaids #7friendtheory #2023bride #bestfriend

Seems nice, doesn't it? With all the warm vibes and the feel-good music and the sweet friendship photos?

Sorry to burst anyone's bubble here, but this trend isn't as cute and harmless as it seems. Friendship? Yay. Seven specific kinds of friends? Boo.

First of all, this is based on nothing. There's no research on friendship behind this "theory." It's just something someone made up. That alone doesn't make it problematic, but let's at least start by calling it what it is.

Secondly, if we're going to ascribe a specific number to something, there should be a legitimate reason for doing so. Otherwise, it's meaningless at best and creates anxiety at worst. What if you don't have these exact seven kinds of friends? Are you missing something in life? Will you never have the soundtrack-backed warm glow of these bestie moments if you only have, say, four good friends? What if you have friends who don't really fit any of these categories? Are those friendships less than?

Numbering something should be purposeful, and the number seven is totally arbitrary here. Great for getting people to click on a video, but not so great for actually analyzing friendships.

Speaking of analyzing, what exactly is the value in categorizing friendship in this way? Different friends fulfill different roles and meet different needs in our lives, so I'm not saying all friendships are the same, but that's not the same as saying you need friends who fit specific categories.

And if we are going to create specific categories, there's a whole lot that are missing here. Where's the friend who organizes the meal train when you're sick or grieving? The friend who checks in when you've gone quiet for a while? The friend who always tells you the truth even when you don't want to hear it? The friend you want with you in the delivery room? The friend you can happily sit in total silence with?

There are just so many different ways that friendship can be experienced and expressed, why specify these seven? Again, it's totally arbitrary, especially when most friends fit multiple categories anyway.

We already have enough idealistic standards being pushed on us by social media, and this feels like just one more. It's especially problematic for young people, and they're the ones who are making and responding to these videos. How many teens are now looking at their own friendships and feeling bad that they don't have seven close friends or that one or more of those categories remain unfulfilled for them?

Tip for the young folks: Don't let this kind of thing seep into your psyche. Not even a little bit.

One thing you learn with time and experience is that most friendships shift, morph and change, and that's OK. Some friendships are strong for a few seasons and then life moves you in different directions. The love doesn't leave, but the everyday closeness does. That's OK. Some friendships go through peaks and valleys and some friendships disappear and reemerge over and over. That's OK, too.

Some people find they only have and only need a tiny handful of friends. Some people collect friendships like baseball cards. It's all OK. Friendship doesn't have to look a specific way or fulfill some arbitrary criteria in order to have value to us.

The "7 friends theory" may make for some cute, clickable social media virality, but it's more harmful than helpful when it comes to friendship. Be happy with the friends you have in the moment, don't count or overanalyze them and definitely don't let TikTok trends influence how you feel about yourself or the people you love.

True

In a flurry of heavy headlines that constantly inundate our feeds, acts of good connect us back to our faith in humanity. Witnessing just one person go out of their way to make the world a better place is a powerful healing salve against apathy. It reminds us all of what we are collectively capable of creating. This is the philosophy that Upworthy wholeheartedly believes in, hence why we’re always sharing uplifting stories of people giving kindness, generosity and support to their fellow humans.

That’s also why we’re partnering with P&G, the maker of some of our favorite household products like Tide, Always and Pampers, to bring you the 2023 Acts of Good Awards, and celebrate the individuals who are giving back and strengthening their communities.

Think of it like the Oscars of kindness. Half as formal but twice as feel-good.

Besides providing the world with brands we know and trust, P&G is a company doing good acts, whether it’s supporting hygiene education, helping struggling communities gain access to basic necessities or delivering essentials for families impacted by disasters.

Keep ReadingShow less
Science

Researchers dumped tons of coffee waste into a forest. This is what it looks like now.

30 dump truck loads and two years later, the forest looks totally different.

One of the biggest problems with coffee production is that it generates an incredible amount of waste. Once coffee beans are separated from cherries, about 45% of the entire biomass is discarded.

So for every pound of roasted coffee we enjoy, an equivalent amount of coffee pulp is discarded into massive landfills across the globe. That means that approximately 10 million tons of coffee pulp is discarded into the environment every year.

Keep ReadingShow less
Sponsored

ACUVUE launches a new campaign to inspire Gen Z to put down their phones and follow their vision

What will you create on your social media break? Share it at #MyVisionMySight.

True

If you’ve always lived in a world with social media, it can be tough to truly understand how it affects your life. One of the best ways to grasp its impact is to take a break to see what life is like without being tethered to your phone and distracted by a constant stream of notifications.

Knowing when to disconnect is becoming increasingly important as younger people are becoming aware of the adverse effects screen time can have on their eyes. According to Eyesafe Nielsen, adults are now spending 13-plus hours a day on their digital devices, a 35% increase from 2019.1. Many of us now spend more time staring at screens on a given day than we do sleeping which can impact our eye health.

Normally, you blink around 15 times per minute, however, focusing your eyes on computer screens or other digital displays have been shown to reduce your blink rate by up to 60%.2 Reduced blinking can destabilize your eyes’ tear film, causing dry, tired eyes and blurred vision.3

Keep ReadingShow less
Thoraya/Youtube

We need more strangers dancing in public.

Imagine going about your day, a million things weighing on your mind, when suddenly you see a red circle drawn on the sidewalk. Next to it, a sign reads, “Dance Here.” Would you bust a move?

That’s certainly what this group of random Californians did.

A Youtube user by the name of Thoraya conducted a lighthearted social experiment where she placed a red circle on the ground with the words “Dance Here” written next to it. Anytime someone would walk across the circle, music would begin to play.

Keep ReadingShow less
Joy

Instacart delivery person followed her instincts and ended up saving the life of a customer

"You're supposed to take a picture and leave, and I could not just leave."

Jessica Higgs had a sense that something wasn't right at a customer's house and her action saved his life.

One the more mysterious aspects of being human is our sense of intuition. This "sixth sense" isn't something we can see or measure, but many people have experienced it in some form or fashion. Maybe it comes as a strong feeling that something isn't right, or that we or someone else should or shouldn't do something. It can be hard to read—not every feeling we get is truly our intuition—but there are plenty of examples of people trusting their instincts and being glad they did.

One such story has gone viral on TikTok. Jessica Higgs, a mom who works as an Instacart grocery delivery person, shared a story in an emotional video that illustrates the importance of listening to that inner voice when it prompts you to make sure someone is OK.

"I just want to start this off by saying if you see something, say something," Higgs said.

Keep ReadingShow less
via PixaBay

Being an adult is tough.

Nothing can ever fully prepare you for being an adult. Once you leave childhood behind, the responsibilities, let-downs and setbacks come at you fast. It’s tiring and expensive, and there's no easy-to-follow roadmap for happiness and success.

A Reddit user named u/Frequent-Pilot5243 asked the online forum, “What’s an adult problem nobody prepared you for?” and there were a lot of profound answers that get to the heart of the disappointing side of being an adult.

One theme that ran through many responses is the feeling of being set adrift. When you’re a kid, the world is laid out as a series of accomplishments. You learn to walk, you figure out how to use the bathroom, you start school, you finish school, maybe you go to college, and so on.

Keep ReadingShow less

A TV set on the Disney+ streaming channel

It’s often said that we live in the "Golden Age of Television," also known as “Peak TV” or “Prestige TV.” Although some say this era goes back to the turn of the millennium, since 2010, we have had the joy of watching shows such as “Game of Thrones,” “Girls,” Better Call Saul," “Ted Lasso,” “Orange is the New Black” and “Stranger Things,” just to name a few.

Over the past decade, there has been so much good TV that people’s biggest complaint is that they don’t have enough time to get to it all.

A viral Reddit thread started by a user named Head_Hauncho may give you some ideas to choose the next show you’d like to binge. He asked the online forum, “What is the single best episode of television you’ve ever seen?” There were responses from shows as old as the ‘80s, but most of the responses were from the past 20 years.

Keep ReadingShow less
Joy

Puppy's adoption story goes viral after he gives his own POV of the day he was 'kidnapped'

Gilligan, a yellow lab pup, tells the harrowing account of how he was kidnapped. (Adopted. He means adopted.)

Puppy gives amusing play-by-play of his adoption.

When people adopt an animal, we rarely imagine how that process looks from the animal's point of view. We're so focused on rescuing a pet that we don't often stop to think about what the pet is experiencing. But lucky for us, a cheeky yellow lab puppy named Gilligan gives us his POV in a viral TikTok, and it's a pretty wild ride from start to finish.

One of the most important details of the video is that Gilligan is adorable. If you take nothing else away from his recounting of events, store that knowledge in your pocket for future use. The TikTok video of the fuzzy pooch posted by Anna Molinari uses a voice effect to make the storyteller sound like a toddler, giving the impression that we are hearing straight from the "kidnapped" puppy's mouth. Gilligan's interesting retelling has racked up a massive 30.9 million views and over 5.5 million likes.

Keep ReadingShow less