+
Sign up for
The Upworthiest
Our top stories of the day delivered straight to your inbox.
upworthy
Pop Culture

The '7 friends theory' is a problematic concept packaged in a celebration of friendship

The "7 friends theory" may make for some cute, clickable social media virality, but it's more harmful than helpful when it comes to friendship.

7 friends sitting arm in arm looking out over the water
Photo by Duy Pham on Unsplash

The "7 friends theory" viral trend on TikTok isn't as warm and fuzzy as it seems.

Friendship is wonderful. In my four decades, I've had more than my fair share of close, supportive, ride-or-die friends who have helped shape me and carry me through it all. Friendship has played a huge role in my life, which is why the viral "7 friends theory" social media trend caught my eye.

It's also why I'm calling b.s. on the whole idea.

The "7 friends theory" posits that there are seven friends you need in your life:

1. The friend you’ve had since you were little
2. The friend who makes you laugh in all situations
3. The friend you might not talk to for a long time, but nothing changes
4. The friend you can tell anything without judgment
5. The friend who feels like a sister (or brother)
6. The friend you can’t imagine not being your life
7. The friend you share all of your dating/relationship problems with.

The wording on this seven-item checklist changes slightly with different videos, but the gist is always the same. Here are a few examples that got millions of views on TikTok:

@slothyrach

luv this💛🥰😁 #CapCut

@lysscausey

7 bridesmaids for a reason 🥹🤍#CapCut #bride #married #wedding #bridesmaids #7friendtheory #2023bride #bestfriend

Seems nice, doesn't it? With all the warm vibes and the feel-good music and the sweet friendship photos?

Sorry to burst anyone's bubble here, but this trend isn't as cute and harmless as it seems. Friendship? Yay. Seven specific kinds of friends? Boo.

First of all, this is based on nothing. There's no research on friendship behind this "theory." It's just something someone made up. That alone doesn't make it problematic, but let's at least start by calling it what it is.

Secondly, if we're going to ascribe a specific number to something, there should be a legitimate reason for doing so. Otherwise, it's meaningless at best and creates anxiety at worst. What if you don't have these exact seven kinds of friends? Are you missing something in life? Will you never have the soundtrack-backed warm glow of these bestie moments if you only have, say, four good friends? What if you have friends who don't really fit any of these categories? Are those friendships less than?

Numbering something should be purposeful, and the number seven is totally arbitrary here. Great for getting people to click on a video, but not so great for actually analyzing friendships.

Speaking of analyzing, what exactly is the value in categorizing friendship in this way? Different friends fulfill different roles and meet different needs in our lives, so I'm not saying all friendships are the same, but that's not the same as saying you need friends who fit specific categories.

And if we are going to create specific categories, there's a whole lot that are missing here. Where's the friend who organizes the meal train when you're sick or grieving? The friend who checks in when you've gone quiet for a while? The friend who always tells you the truth even when you don't want to hear it? The friend you want with you in the delivery room? The friend you can happily sit in total silence with?

There are just so many different ways that friendship can be experienced and expressed, why specify these seven? Again, it's totally arbitrary, especially when most friends fit multiple categories anyway.

We already have enough idealistic standards being pushed on us by social media, and this feels like just one more. It's especially problematic for young people, and they're the ones who are making and responding to these videos. How many teens are now looking at their own friendships and feeling bad that they don't have seven close friends or that one or more of those categories remain unfulfilled for them?

Tip for the young folks: Don't let this kind of thing seep into your psyche. Not even a little bit.

One thing you learn with time and experience is that most friendships shift, morph and change, and that's OK. Some friendships are strong for a few seasons and then life moves you in different directions. The love doesn't leave, but the everyday closeness does. That's OK. Some friendships go through peaks and valleys and some friendships disappear and reemerge over and over. That's OK, too.

Some people find they only have and only need a tiny handful of friends. Some people collect friendships like baseball cards. It's all OK. Friendship doesn't have to look a specific way or fulfill some arbitrary criteria in order to have value to us.

The "7 friends theory" may make for some cute, clickable social media virality, but it's more harmful than helpful when it comes to friendship. Be happy with the friends you have in the moment, don't count or overanalyze them and definitely don't let TikTok trends influence how you feel about yourself or the people you love.

From Your Site Articles
friendship
Badge
Visit Sweden
Visit Sweden
Education

Sweden’s landmark new proposal will stop the world from mixing it up with Switzerland

Honestly, do you know the difference?

True

After over a thousand years of peaceful relations, European semi-superpowers Sweden and Switzerland may finally address a lingering issue between the two nations. But the problem isn’t either country’s fault. The point is that the rest of the world can’t tell them apart. They simply don’t know their kroppkakor (Swedish potato dumpling) from their birchermüesli (a Swiss breakfast dish).

This confusion on the European continent has played out in countless ways.

Swedish people who move to the United States often complain of being introduced as Swiss. The New York Stock Exchange has fallen victim to the confusion, and a French hockey team once greeted their Swiss opponents, SC Bern, by playing the Swedish National Anthem and raising the Swedish flag.

Skämtar du med mig? (“Are you kidding me?” in Swedish)

Keep ReadingShow less
travel
Education

A boy told his teacher she can't understand him because she's white. Her response is on point.

'Be the teacher America's children of color deserve, because we, the teachers, are responsible for instilling empathy and understanding in the hearts of all kids. We are responsible for the future of this country.'

Photo by John Pike. Used with permission.

Emily E. Smith is no ordinary teacher.



Fifth-grade teacher Emily E. Smith is not your ordinary teacher.

She founded The Hive Society — a classroom that's all about inspiring children to learn more about their world ... and themselves — by interacting with literature and current events. Students watch TED talks, read Rolling Stone, and analyze infographics. She even has a long-distance running club to encourage students to take care of their minds and bodies.

Smith is such an awesome teacher, in fact, that she recently received the 2015 Donald H. Graves Award for Excellence in the Teaching of Writing.

Keep ReadingShow less
Internet

There's a fish so 'romantic' it absorbs into its mate and people can't stop talking about it

"So I'm out here single with a pool of men with 'trust issues' while Mother Nature is fusing fish couples together."

Nat Geo Wild|YouTube

The mating habits of anglerfish are capturing the internet

Have you ever heard of the anglerfish? It's one of those profoundly unusual looking deep water fish that live towards the bottom of the ocean. You know the kind of fish that's almost translucent with a squished head that nightmares are made of? Well, it turns out the unique look is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the anglerfish.

There's been a viral post going around social media explaining all about this fish's mating habits and It's giving people the willies. Well, while it's giving some people the creeps, there are a select few that wouldn't mind if humans had similar mating rituals. Though, with this fish's habits, mating only happens once and then the male ceases to exist.

This isn't some sort of black widow or preying mantis situation, no one's heads are being eaten. But according to the infographic, and science, the anglerfish male attaches to the female and fuses with her body unable to survive without her.

Keep ReadingShow less
anglerfish mating
Health

Doctor explains how to do a simple physical test that can predict your longevity

People who fail are more likely to die in six years.

via Pexels

A woman sitting cross-legged on a yoga mat

Everyone wants to know how long they will live and there are many indicators that can show whether someone is thriving or on the decline. But people have yet to develop a magic formula to determine exactly how long someone should expect to live.

However, a doctor recently featured on the "Today" show says a straightforward test can reveal the likelihood that someone aged 51 to 80 will die in the near future.

NBC News medical contributor Dr. Natalie Azar was on the "Today" show on March 8 and demonstrated how to perform the simple “sit to stand test” (aka sit-rising test or SRT) that can help determine the longevity of someone between 51 to 80.

Keep ReadingShow less
longevity
Mental Health

Notice everyone talking about dissociating lately? A therapist explains what it really means.

An expert breaks down the truth.

Kati Morton|YouTube

Therapist explains the phenomenon of dissociating

Therapy speak (notice how everyone talks like a therapist these days?) has entered the chat and unfortunately it's here to stay whether therapists like it or not.

With the rise of social media and content creators trying to break the stigma of mental health, therapy speak has become a part of people's daily lexicon, even if it's not always used properly. "Dissociation" is a term used frequently online whether it's someone saying they dissociate or diagnosing themselves with dissociative identity disorder, previously known as multiple personality disorder.

It's clear from comments and videos that there's confusion around what truly constitutes dissociation and when to be concerned. Kati Morton, a licensed marriage and family therapist, breaks down what she calls a spectrum of dissociation, helping to clarify the phenomenon.

Morton begins the video by explaining what causes dissociation and what it is.

"When we become overwhelmed, meaning what's happening to us is too much for us to manage, our brain, oftentimes, pulls the ripcord on reality."

Keep ReadingShow less
dissociative identity disorder
Family

A man’s family criticized his girlfriend's weight, and he handled it with grace

"I never thought of my girlfriend as overweight."

via Rafaah Machado

A couple posing near a tree.

A 29-year-old man is dealing with serious tensions within his family after they confronted him about his girlfriend’s weight and how she chooses to dress. To find out if he was in the wrong for how he handled the situation, he took to Reddit to get some clarity.

The situation started at a recent family gathering.

“While attending my (26 M) brother’s girlfriend’s birthday party at their house, my mother and my brother brought me to the kitchen and confronted me, and told me that my girlfriend needs to dress more modestly and that they have a problem with her not wearing a bra,” the man recalled.

The discussion came out of the blue for the man who had no idea his girlfriend’s style or weight was an issue for anyone. It certainly wasn't one for him. His girlfriend had previously told him that she doesn’t like wearing a bra because it makes her chest feel “tight” and “uncomfortable.”

Keep ReadingShow less
relationships
Joy

American living in Norway explains the country's taco craze—and how theirs are different

It looks like we've got some catching up to do.

@krystaalexa/TikTok

Happy Tacofredag.

There are few dishes in this world so universally loved as tacos. And what’s not to like? There’s so much flavor packed into such a small hand held morsel. Hence why it’s close to impossible to eat less than seven in one sitting.

Americans, land of Taco Tuesdays, certainly holds a special place in its heart for Mexico’s most famous food staple. 76% of the country eats them every week, and over 4.5 billion tacos are eaten each year.

But as it turns out, Americans aren’t the only ones who are taco obsessed. Nor are they the only ones to make some alterations to the original recipe.

In a now viral TikTok clip, Krysta Alexa, an American mom living in Norway, reveals the country’s passionate love affair with tacos, even dubbing them the nation’s "unofficial dish."
Keep ReadingShow less
food
Trending Stories