Married couple looking out into a forest
We all know on some level that no marriage is without its issues. But in this highlight-reel-only modern day existence, it can be easy to feel like every other couple is completely squabble-free.
So, in case you need a reminder that every marriage does, in fact, have its problems, and the research to prove this doesn’t cut it—read on.
A Redditor recently asked happily married couples: “What are some serious issues that have plagued your otherwise great relationship?”
As you can guess, these happy couples still had conflict around common subjects like money, intimacy, and communication. But even with their issues, these partners still consider their relationships as healthy. That's saying something.
Here are 12 “serious issues” that even happy marriages continue to face:
1.“Neither of us have many friends so we rely on each other to meet too many of our needs”. -howyafeelin
Solemn looking couple.
“I feel like people who say “oh but that’s okay because your spouse should be all you need” don’t understand how much pressure that puts on both partners. No one person can or should be your everything.” -Square-Raspberry560
And on the opposite side of the spectrum, we have…
2. “Not enough time for ourselves.We both have big families and friend circles. If we are not seeing my friends, we are seeing her friends. If we are not seeing her family, we are seeing my family.This is on top of working long hours and being fairly introverted to boot.We have to schedule dates and ‘alone time’ so we can recover.Honestly, I couldn't imagine managing all this with anyone else and I am so thankful for her.” -Shahfluffers
3. “The hardest things have ever been for us was when we let others dictate our relationship. My mom was always an enemy of our relationship, and her sister was always against us. As soon as we stopped letting them have opinions on us, our lives became infinitely better.” -TitularFoil
Woman ignoring her in-laws
4. “No longer a pain point, but is a good reminder: just talk, don’t internalize your stresses/fears/etc. All that happens when you hold things in is that vacuum is filled with assumptions that benefit neither you or your spouse.” -Avamedic
“This!! I suffered a panic attack 2 weeks ago because I was keeping everything inside me. Once I told my wife everything I had in my head, suddenly it felt really silly that I was keeping it inside. Should have talked more from the beginning.” -MikePap5. "Different sex drives.”-quivalent-Ad844
Couple in bed
“Yep -I've experienced both being the partner with a lower sex drive and, more recently, being the one with the higher sex drive.Both were extremely difficult on our relationship and have been some of the most vulnerable and sensitive times for either of us.” -Rubinovyy17
6. "Kids put an incredible amount of stress on a relationship.” -inkyblinkypinkysue
Parents having a talk with their child.
“Parenting styles I feel like is something that is never discussed. It’s always “do you want kids?” It’s never “how do you plan on handling xyz when it comes to kids”. I’m currently trying to navigate this with my husband. I have to constantly be the bad cop because he will cave to the meltdown which requires me to do double duty trying to undo any enabling. It’s exhausting at times.” -ZolaMonster
7. “My husband has a serious phone addiction. He’s always on it, whether it’s in the bathroom, to in bed, movie night just the two of us, during meals. We can’t even eat out without him having to check his phone (for social reasons, not even work related reasons). I’ve discussed this with him multiple times and it’s in one ear out the other.” -ieatnoodlesw_sticks
Man with cellphone
8. “Holidays. My wife's parents are divorced so we have 3 different families we're trying to please PLUS our own. So basically whenever Christmas comes around, we need to find time to celebrate for ourself, my parents/siblings, her dad, her mom/grandma. It's such a pain having to schedule early holidays and traveling all over the state to visit everyone.” -AFunkinDiscoBall
9. “Money money money money MONEY....MONEEEEYYYYYYYYY.” -JnyBlkLabel
Couple with bills
“For us, not just money itself, but differences in attitudes toward it. We were raised differently and value it differently. We're in agreement that neither of our viewpoints/attitudes is inherently right or wrong (regarding money or any of the other ways we were raised differently), but it does cause tension. I'm more of a saver and she's more of a spender, which causes conflict especially when I'm the higher earner. Sure, I like shiny things too, but I also like my money to buy security and early retirement. I think there's a happy medium somewhere.” -PoisonWaffle3
10.“Endometriosis. My wife had stage 4 Endo, which seriously affected her mood, my mood, our sex life, intimacy, and countless other small things. She had her first surgery in 2015. That helped for 8 months but it slowly came back. She then went UNDER for her second surgery in 2021 they got in there and realized it was too serious for this specific doctor (it covered her bladder, bowels, and other major organs). So she had to go through the recovery of a surgery while not actually getting any benefit. She was then referred to a specialist doctor, one of Canadas best. But the wait time was 1.5 years.We hung on…and went through some rough times….But she finally had her surgery in June 2023, a full hysterectomy, and total cleanout of endometriosis…..and she’s feeling incredible! Endometriosis is awful. She was such a trooper, and we are now doing incredible. :)” -ActivE__
Woman with endometriosis
11.“Stubbornness. You CANNOT be stubborn in a marriage. You must be able to give, take, be self aware of your giving and taking, and be able to communicate about the nature of each others gives and takes.” -rippa76
12. “Deciding what the heck is for dinner every night !” -Main-Jelly-8589
Bottom line: though of course being able to navigate conflict is integral to every successful marriage, avoiding it entirely is impossible. So if you and your significant other can never seem to "get over" that one nagging problem…you're not alone. And you're not doomed.
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An actual beaver dam on the now-thriving Price River
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There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."