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Mental Health

People were asked why they were unfaithful and the answers are eye opening and insightful

"Validation is like a drug and intimacy is the ultimate validation."

why people cheat; infidelity; affairs; mental health; extramarital affairs
RDNE Stock Project|Canva

People reveal the reasons they cheated. It's insightful and eye opening.

Infidelity is devastating for relationships. When you find out a partner has been unfaithful it can feel like a bomb went off in the middle of your living room while you were just trying to drink your morning coffee. The carnage from an affair can be extensive, especially if there are children involved.

But no matter what circumstances the infidelity happened, the partner who was on the receiving end of the betrayal often wonders why? It can send some people in a spiral of shame and self blame for the actions of their partners which feel debilitating. Oftentimes, the betrayed partner never feels like they get a truthful answer from their partners but one Reddit user decided to invite partners that have strayed to explain why they cheated.

Surprisingly, many of the answers were extremely insightful seemingly showing extraordinary growth since that time in their lives. There was also a lot of remorse expressed for their previous harmful behaviors.

"When you grow up being in turn neglected and told you're not good enough, validation is like a drug, and intimacy is the ultimate validation. Sooooo much therapy to undo this," one person reveals.

"Insecurity. I was always on the look out for someone who would make me feel more desirable than the last. Once I grew up emotionally, I realised [sic] what a POS I was & the hurt it caused. Hard to live with tbh. Edit. Can I just make it clear I was not a serial adulterer… It was a youthful lack of judgement," another person writes.

"Unbridled ego, unsatisfying regular sex life, and a girl who threw herself at me. I was an idiot, I acted like an a*****e, and I will regret it the rest of my life," one commenter says before continuing. "It was a hard truth to face. It was a dark time in my life where my ego and my immaturity caused me to hurt several people I loved."

"Because I chose a cowardly and easy path. Instead of going to therapy and ending my toxic relationship, I cheated on them with someone who I had convinced myself I was in love with, and loved me. Turns out, breaking up with someone is a lot less harmful to everyone involved than cheating," someone else writes.

An interesting theme that someone who has experienced the pain of infidelity may notice is that there's no blame placed on the betrayed partner. The people that answered this prompt admit that the affair was completely within their control and most say they learned from it.

Dr. Kathy Nickerson is a licensed clinical psychologist that specializes in affair recovery, she's also the author of the book The Courage to Stay: How to Heal from an Affair and Save Your Marriage. Nickerson has teamed up with other mental health professionals to research why people have affairs and has been revealing the earliest results on her TikTok page.

One of the preliminary results falls in line with what many of the commenters were sharing on the Reddit post, a lot of people that cheat are in some sort of emotional pain.

"In our recent affairs survey, we asked over 1400 cheating partners, was an affair a painkiller," Nickerson says, revealing that 64.8% of women and 59.9% of men agreed or strongly agreed with the affair being a painkiller. When asking "did you choose the affair to cope with emotional pain," 68.2% of women and 70.2% of men answered in the affirmative.

In another video, Nickerson revealed that the saying, "once a cheater always a cheater" may actually be inaccurate based on the preliminary research results. According to the initial survey for cheating partners, 59.89% reported only having one affair.

If there's one take away from the eye opening responses in the Reddit post and the early research results from Nickerson, it's that cheating has very little to do with the person being cheated on and people don't always cheat again. You can follow along with Nickerson's research here, and if you're healing from infidelity while choosing to stay partnered, you can buy her book here.

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Science

The 'world's slowest experiment,' going for nearly 100 years, is still endlessly fascinating

It takes nearly a decade for one drop of this liquid to fall.

upload.wikimedia.org

John Mainstone was the custodian of the Pitch Drop Experiment for 52 years.

Because we use water all the time, most of us have an intuitive sense of how long it takes a drop of water to form and fall. More viscous liquids, like oil or shampoo or honey, drop more slowly depending on how thick they are, which can vary depending on concentration, temperature and more. If you've ever tried pouring molasses, you know why it's used as a metaphor for something moving very slowly, but we can easily see a drop of any of those liquids form and fall in a matter of seconds.

But what about the most viscous substance in the world? How long does it take to form a falling drop? A few minutes? An hour? A day?

How about somewhere between 7 and 13 years?

pitch drop experiment, tar pitch, solid or liquid, physics, world's longest experimentPitch moves so slowly it can't be seen to be moving with the naked eye until it prepares to drop. Battery for size reference.John Mainstone/University of Queensland

The Pitch Drop Experiment began in 1927 with a scientist who had a hunch. Thomas Parnell, a physicist at the University of Queensland in Australia, believed that tar pitch, which appears to be a solid and shatters like glass when hit with a hammer at room temperature, is actually a liquid. So he set up an experiment that would become the longest-running—and the world's slowest—experiment on Earth to test his hypothesis.

Parnell poured molten pitch it into a funnel shaped container, then let it settle and cool for three years. That was just to get the experiment set up so it could begin. Then he opened a hole at the bottom of the funnel to see how long it would take for the pitch to ooze through it, form a droplet, and drop from its source.

It took eight years for the first drop to fall. Nine years for the second. Those were the only two drops Parnell was alive for before he passed away in 1948.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

In total, there have been nine pitch drops in the University of Queensland experiment. The first seven drops fell between 7 and 9 years apart, but when air conditioning was added to the building after the seventh drop, the amount of time between drops increased significantly. The drops in 2000 and 2014 happened approximately 13 years after the preceding one. (The funnel is set up as a demonstration with no special environmental controls, so the seasons and conditions of the building can easily affect the flow of the pitch.)

The next drop is anticipated to fall sometime in the 2020s.

pitch drop experiment, tar pitch, solid or liquid, physics, world's longest experimentThe first seven drops fell around 8 years apart. Then the building got air conditioning and the intervals changed to around 13 years.RicHard-59

Though Parnell proved his hypothesis well before the first drop even fell, the experiment continued to help scientists study and measure the viscosity of tar pitch. The thickest liquid substance in the world, pitch is estimated to be 2 million times more viscous than honey and 20 billion times the viscosity of water. No wonder it takes so ridiculously long to drop.

One of the most interesting parts of the Pitch Drop Experiment is that in the no one has ever actually witnessed one of the drops falling at the Queensland site. The drops, ironically, happen rather quickly when they do finally happen, and every time there was some odd circumstance that kept anyone from seeing them take place.

The Queensland pitch drop funnel is no longer the only one in existence, however. In 2013, Trinity College in Dublin, Ireland, managed to capture its own pitch drop on camera. You can see how it looks as if nothing is happening right up until the final seconds when it falls.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Today, however, with the internet and modern technology, it's likely that many people will be able to witness the next drop when it happens. The University of Queensland has set up a livestream of the Pitch Drop Experiment, which you can access here, though watching the pitch move more slowly than the naked eye can detect is about as exciting as watching paint dry.

But one day, within a matter of seconds, it will drop, hopefully with some amount of predictability as to the approximate day at least. How many people are going to be watching a livestream for years, waiting for it to happen?

PoorJohn Mainstone was the custodian of the experiment for 52 years, from 1961 to 2013. Sadly, he never got to witness any of the five drops that took place during his tenure. Neither did Parnell himself with the two that took place while he was alive.

John Mainstone, pitch drop experiment, university of queensland, physicsJohn Mainstone, the second custodian of the Pitch Drop Experiment, with the funnel in 1990.John Mainstone, University of Queensland

Sometimes science is looks like an explosive chemical reaction and sometimes it's a long game of waiting and observing at the speed of nature. And when it comes to pitch dripping through a funnel, the speed of nature is about as slow as it gets.


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Movies

How the unscripted hand flex in 'Pride and Prejudice' became an iconic romantic moment

This subtle, two-second scene has had women swooning for 20 years.

Focus Features/YouTube

Mr. Darcy's hand flex packs a huge romantic wallop.

When we think of romantic moments in film, some classic scenes come to mind. Billy Crystal yelling his love at Meg Ryan on New Year's Eve in When Harry Met Sally. The much-spoofed "I'm flying" scene in Titanic.The cheesy-but-effective "You had me at hello" line in Jerry Maguire. We watch romantic movies for precisely these interactions that allow us to live vicariously through the characters and feel the chemical rush of falling in love.

Romantic scenes generally include a declaration of love, a passionate embrace or kiss, or some other overt expression of affection and desire. But one romantic scene that involves none of those things has become an iconic fan favorite despite it just being a brief close-up shot of a hand.

The "hand flex" from Joe Wright's 2005 adaptation of Jane Austen's Pride & Prejudicesays more in two seconds than many entire scenes do, which is what makes it so powerful. Some people even call it the sexiest non-sex scene in cinema.

In the scene, Mr. Darcy (played by Matthew MacFadyen) briefly takes Elizabeth Bennett's (played by Keira Knightley) hand to help her into a carriage. At this point in the story, the two characters have been prickly toward one another after getting off on the wrong foot, though their attraction is becoming palpable. For the quickest of moments, their hands touch and their eyes meet, and there's an unspoken flash of recognition. Then, as Darcy walks away from the carriage, he flexes his hand—literally for two seconds—and despite it being the slightest gesture that no one would even notice in real life, it speaks volumes about what he's feeling.

Chemistry. Electricity. Longing. Tension. It's all right there in his outstretched fingertips.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Director Joe Wright shared with PEOPLE how the scene came about.

"It wasn't in the script, but that was an important moment in the book," Wright said. "This sudden realization, as they were parting, of what they meant to each other or the kind of disturbance they caused in each other."

Wright said the hand stretch was an improvised move by MacFadyen's, though MacFadyen has said that Wright was the one who initially noticed him doing it.

""Our bodies are so much smarter than our minds often," Wright told PEOPLE. "Although their conscious minds are fighting against each other, their bodies are two magnets drawn to each other. As they touch, even that little hand lifting helping her, which is pure etiquette of the period, somehow creates this kind of electronic shock wave through them both, and he has to shake it away."

pride and prejudice, mr. darcy, elizabeth bennett, film, love scenePride And Prejudice GIF by Working TitleGiphy

Those electrical pulses of sheer chemistry are visceral when they happen in real life, and in that simple stretching of his fingers we can all feel it. Ironically, however, Wright had been disappointed with that day's filming, feeling like he hadn't captured what he hoped to in the scene.

"It had been a gloomy day when we shot it," Wright told PEOPLE. "I felt like I hadn't conveyed what I wanted to, and it's odd and gratifying to find that we told our story, and people have responded. Because on the day, I thought, 'Oh no, we didn't get it. It was rubbish. It didn't work.' Now, people are still posting it. It's odd and really nice."

hands, scene, pride and prejudice, hand scene, mr. darcy, film Pride & PrejudiceGiphy

Imagine thinking that scene hadn't worked. So many people really do doubt themselves more than they should, eh? As people's commentary makes clear, the scene is perfection.

"This is my favourite minute of acting from all the films I've seen over my 57 years."

"That's it. This is more intimate than other scenes from romance movies."

"I'm watching this movie for the first time (shocker i know), and this scene is so intensely romantic it's crazy—more intimate than full body contact. I think it's because of how they filmed it, all close-up shots."

"Like an electric current ran from her to him and the only way he could express what teaching her means is that hand-flex. That’s how you tell a whole story with one gesture. Swoooonniing."

"Tell me you want me without saying a word. This IS most women's dreams."

"I always come back to this scene IT SHOOOK ME."

"This scene has its own separate fan base."

Fans can see the hand flex on the big screen for the film's 20th anniversary as it will be re-released in select theaters on April 20, 2025. It's worth a trip to the movie theater, as the 2005 Pride & Prejudice has a gorgeous aesthetic that is enhanced on a larger screen. Joe Wright really did know what he was doing with this film from start to finish, hand flex and all.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

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Fatherhood

Dad and daughter relationships perfectly  explained in 10 paintings

The bond between dads and daughters is amazing.

All illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.

It's hard to truly describe the amazing bond between dads and their daughters.

Being a dad is an amazing job no matter the gender of the tiny humans we're raising. But there's something unique about the bond between fathers and daughters. Most dads know what it's like to struggle with braiding hair, but we also know that bonding time provides immense value to our daughters. In fact, studies have shown that women with actively involved fathers are more confident and more successful in school and business.

You know how a picture is worth a thousand words? I'll just let these images sum up the daddy-daughter bond.

A 37-year-old Ukrainian artist affectionately known as Soosh, recently created some ridiculously heartwarming illustrations of the bond between a dad and his daughter, and put them on her Instagram feed. Sadly, her father wasn't involved in her life when she was a kid. But she wants to be sure her 9-year-old son doesn't follow in those footsteps.

"Part of the education for my kiddo who I want to grow up to be a good man is to understand what it's like to be one," Soosh told Upworthy.

There are so many different ways that fathers demonstrate their love for their little girls, and Soosh pretty much nails all of them.

Get ready to run the full gamut of the feels.

1. Dads can do it all. Including hair.

parenting, dads, daughters, fathers, art, artworkA father does his daughter's hairAll illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.

2. They also make pretty great game opponents.



parenting, dads, daughters, fathers, art, artwork, chessA father plays chess with his daughterAll illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.

3. And the Hula-Hoop skills? Legendary.



parenting, dads, daughters, fathers, art, artwork, hula hoopA dad hula hoops with his daughterAll illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.

4. Dads know there's always time for a tea party regardless of the mountain of work in front of them.



A dad talks to his daughter while working at his deskAll illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.


5. And their puppeteer skills totally belong on Broadway.



A dad performs a puppet show for his daughterAll illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.


6. Dads help us see the world from different views.



A dad walks with his daughter on his backAll illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.


7. So much so that we never want them to leave.



a dad carries a suitcase that his daughter holds ontoAll illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.


8. They can make us feel protected, valued, and loved.



A dad holds his sleeping daughterAll illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.


9. Especially when there are monsters hiding in places they shouldn't.



A superhero dad looks over his daughterAll illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.


10. Seeing the daddy-daughter bond as art perfectly shows how beautiful fatherhood can be.



A dad takes the small corner of the bed with his dauthterAll illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.


This article originally appeared nine years ago.

fathers

Plus size figure skater with unreal moves is inspiring girls everywhere

So many kids have been told they can't figure skate because of their body shape. The doubters were clearly wrong.

Canva Photos

This figure skater is something else.

Is there anything more beautiful and graceful than ice skating? It's got the gorgeous aesthetics of gymnastics and dance combined with an almost other-worldliness as the skaters glide and fly around the ice. There's a reason people can't seem to look away from the rink when the winter Olympics roll around every couple of years.

However, the sports of ice skating comes with certain expectations of what the skaters body should look like. For women, most high level skaters are almost always extremely petite and slight. It stands to reason that this body type must be a requirement to perform at a high level, right?

Wrong. Laine Dubin is one skater who's out to prove that there's no "right way" for an athlete to look.

Dubin, most recently a student at Quinnipiac University where she was a standout on the skating team, began posting videos of her routines online in 2018. Believe it or not, she didn't set out to start a body-positive revolution—she just wanted to document her progress and free up some space on her phone,

But almost instantly, she began to develop a following. No one had ever seen anyone like her pulling off the moves that she could, all with so much personality and showmanship that sucked people in. Not only that, Dubin displays outstanding power and grace on the ice. If you've only ever watched the "prototypical" Olympic skaters perform, what Dubin does almost looks impossible. It's really amazing to behold.

One clip in particular recently went mega viral to the tune of over 30 million views:


@lainedubin

THE WINNER TAKES IT ALLLLLLLLL🏆🥇 🎥 @Emma #figureskating #figureskatingtiktok #iceskating #iceskatingtiktok #plussizefigureskater #figureskatingtiktoks #iceskater #figureskater #adultfigureskater #adultsskatetoo

Dubin has undoubtedly found her people on social media. The responses to her videos could bring tears to your eyes. Not only are viewers in awe of her skill on the ice, they find so much hope and inspiration in what Dubin is doing:

"Ok but as a bigger Asian girl who has always dreamed of ice skating this made me tear up 😭 so proud of you"

"I NEVER see plus sized rep in figure skating, YOU ARE INCREDIBLE THIS IS SO COOL!!"

"the fact no one knows how absolutely impressive this is especially with girls our size I love ice skating I've been a fan forever the power and strength you need to pull your up and spin like that"

"wait! someone with my body type figure skating?!!! like a GODDESS may I add, this makes me feel so seen, and like, maybe I could do this with some practice as well!!!!!???"

"As a plus sized girl who had the idea of figure skating shot down, thank you for making the lil girl in me happy and I'm so damn proud of you. You're awesome."

The comments just like these roll in on Dubin's videos every single day. But that doesn't mean that general attitudes across the sport are ready to change.

Women skaters, especially, are mercilessly mocked, fat-shamed, and picked apart by viewers, coaches, and even judges of the sport. Five-time Olympic medalist Tessa Virtue has dealt with people nitpicking her body her entire career, called either too fat or too muscular. Bronze medalist and two-time US National Champion Gracie Gold had to take a hiatus from the sport to get help with an eating disorder. One of the most promising young figure skaters in recent memory, Yulia Lipnitskaya, was forced to retire at just 19 due to anorexia along with injuries.

There are a lot of factors that contribute to this major problem. The norm is for female skaters in competition to wear incredibly skimpy dresses and outfits that accentuate their form and technique, which would make anyone self-conscious about their body. Canadian skater Kaetlyn Osmond adds that less body mass also helps them achieve sky-high jumps on the ice.

@lainedubin

the greatest thing you’ve ever seen since sliced bread🍞 (thats a joke people) #figureskating #figureskatingtiktok #iceskating #iceskatingtiktok #plussizefigureskater #figureskatingtiktoks #iceskater #figureskater #collegiatefigureskating

Dubin is living proof, though, that a plus-sized body can be athletic, graceful, and beautiful. It means so much to all the kids who think they shouldn't bother pursuing their love of the sport because their own body type will never allow them to fit in.

“It’s just people seeing representation in the media of themselves being represented first,” Dubin tells US Figure Skating. “That’s what will make people feel validated and that’s what will lead to change with body inclusivity in the skating space.”

The way she's racking up millions and millions of views, it's fair to say she—along with other plus-sized skaters—could have a real, tangible impact on the next generation of skating athletes.

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Art

Watch this insanely accurate recreation of legendary 'Dirty Dancing' routine

Best birthday ever? We think so.

Photo credit: Canva | Flickr

Woman recreates famous dance from 'Dirty Dancing' for birthday.

You'd likely be hard pressed to find a woman born in the early 80s that hasn't memorized nearly every line from the iconic movie Dirty Dancing. Many spent hours in front of a mirror practicing every dance Baby had to learn so they could don their flowy dress to give their spins the perfect amount of realism. An entire generation is transported when those famous words, "now, I've had the time of my life...," croon over a speaker no matter where they are.

A woman from Portugal decided she was going to become Baby for her 40th birthday party and she was not messing around. The woman, Raquel, uploaded the video to her social media page Miolo Mole e Bitoca.

Raquel stands in what appears to be a dance hall decorated to look like the infamous last dance that closes out "Dirty Dancing." She's in a pink dress that looks nearly identical to Baby's and that familiar tune starts to play. The camera pans to her partner dressed like Johnny Castle in all black, and yes, they did the dance step by step.

@miolomoleebitoca Meus 40 anos tema Dirty Dancing #dirtydancing #dirtydancingchallenge #patrickswayze ♬ Dirty Dancing: (I've Had) The Time Of My Life - Dynamite

A large screen was set up right behind them playing the dance scene behind the pair as the nailed the dance. Now, they didn't disclose if they practiced the lift in a lake to stay completely true to the movie, but they nailed it nonetheless. Commenters on the internet are absolutely delighted with the recreation of the famous dance.

"Now y'all did that. Man y'all put a smile on my face. Dirty Dancing is my all time favorite movie," someone says.

"I've never smiled like a Cheshire cat as much as I just did watching that! Proper cheese but I loved it," one person writes.

dirty dancing, dirty dancing choreography, dirty dancing scene, dance, best movie dance, dance competitionWho wouldn't want to recreate this?media2.giphy.com

"Not me bawling my eyes out and smiling so big, this is everything! One of my all time favorite movies and you can tell you's had so much fun and share so much love for one another," another commenter cries.

There was also a lot of praise for Raquel's dance partner.

"If my next husband doesn't perform dirty dancing lie this with me thenI don't want him. This was amazing," one person gushed.

Another said, "the fact that your man would do that for you is amazing. He seemed so happy making you happy."

Such a lovely sentiment. find yourself a partner who makes life a dance, and doesn't let anybody put you in a corner!

And by the way, if you're looking to do your own recreation of this iconic dance, here's a fun tutorial:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

This article originally appeared last year. It has since been updated.

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