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Want To See Some Adorable Kids Unlearn Some Not-So-Adorable Stereotypes?
Answer the questions along with the kids and you might learn something about your thought process too.
08.28.12
Health
Relationship expert shares her advice on how to 'stop an argument in its tracks'
She has the perfect question to ask once your partner gets defensive.
03.16.23
Therapist Lauren Consul has one trick to stop arguments before they begin.
Arguments start to take off when one partner begins to get defensive. So, therapist Lauren Consul shared her relationship-saving tip to "stop an argument in its tracks" when one partner goes into self-preservation mode.
Lauren Consul is a couples and sex therapist who’s developed a following of nearly 160,000 people on TikTok and has received over 5.4 million likes. She is an infidelity expert and hosts retreats to help people "survive and thrive" after one partner has strayed.
"The next time you and your partner are talking, and your partner becomes defensive, I want you to do this: Pause, and say, 'I want to understand what happened there. What did you hear me say?'" Consul says in her TikTok video with over 42,000 views.
"This question is key because it does one of two things," she continued. "First, it can allow for clarification. A lot of times when we've become defensive, we've interpreted something our partner has said incorrectly. We've run it through a filter, we've told ourselves a story about it, it's triggered something... So we're not actually hearing what our partner says, and it allows for clarification."
@laurenconsul #communicationtools #communicationtools #defensiveness #couplesargument #learnontiktok #cyclebreaker #couplestherapist #relationshiptherapist #marriagecounseling #mytherapistsays #therapytol #tiktoktherapist
"The second thing: If your partner did interpret what you said correctly, it gives you an opportunity to slow things down and understand what is happening for them and address the underlying issue, rather than get caught in a spiral of defensiveness," she continued.
Consul's advice for stopping arguments before they explode is helpful because it clears up any potential misunderstandings. The key is to remember the tactic in the heat of the moment to prevent things from getting out of hand.
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Education
5 fun facts about St. Patrick's Day to wow your friends and family
Saint Patrick wasn't Irish and neither is corned beef.
03.17.23
Canva
Several St. Patrick's Day traditions didn't originally come from Ireland.
Shamrocks, leprechauns, corned beef and cabbage, pinches for those who forget to wear green—St. Patrick's Day is filled with traditions that have passed down from generation to generation. What began as a religious holiday in Ireland over 1,000 years ago to honor Saint Patrick, patron saint of Ireland, has morphed into a raucous celebration of all things Irish here across the pond.
Ironically, however, some of those traditions and "all things Irish" didn't actually come from Ireland—including Saint Patrick himself.
If you want to impress your friends with some interesting St. Patrick's day trivia, here's a handful of fun facts to put in your pocket.
1. Saint Patrick wasn't actually Irish. He was British.
Born in Britain in 386 A.D., St. Patrick was captured by pirates and brought to Ireland at age 16, where he was sold as a slave. For six years, he worked in the fields, tending sheep and praying. One night, he dreamt that God was directing him to a boat that would take him home, and in 408 A.D., he escaped Ireland. Then, after being ordained as a bishop in 432 A.D., the Pope sent him back to the Emerald Isle to spread Christianity.
"Patrick became inflamed with the desire to help alleviate the suffering of the Irish people who were burdened under the yoke of slavery, brutal tribal warfare and pagan idolatry," Matthew Paul Grote, a Catholic priest with the Order of Preachers, shared with USA Today. Saint Patrick incorporated pagan rituals into Christian worship practices to ease the resistance to Christianity. Even when he was attacked and captured by Irish clans, he would respond with non-violence and share his Catholic faith peacefully, always treating non-Christians with fairness.
He is credited with the spread of Christianity in Ireland, but he himself wasn't Irish.
2. The legend about St. Patrick driving all the snakes out of Ireland? Literally impossible.
Legend has it that St. Patrick was fasting for 40 days on a hilltop when he was attacked by snakes. With a sermon and a wave of his staff, he drove all the snakes in Ireland out to the sea where they all drowned, which is why, according to the lore, there are no snakes in Ireland.
Except there were never any snakes in Ireland, according to the fossil record. The cool climate and being part of an island make Ireland uninhabitable for snakes. Scholars today generally view the snake story as a metaphor for driving paganism out of Ireland.
3. St. Patrick's Day was not traditionally a festive holiday.
Parades filled with floats, pubs filled with festivity, parties filled with frivolity—all of that fun, celebratory St. Patrick's day revelry is fairly new. For the vast majority of the holiday's history in Ireland, it was a somber, quiet religious holy day spent in prayer. It wasn't until Irish immigrants to America began celebrating their Irish pride in the 1700s with parades and such that the holiday became more of a festive occasion.
According to History.com, the invention of the television let Irish people see how the U.S. celebrated the holiday, which led to the party atmosphere making its way to Ireland.
4. The traditional color associated with St. Patrick was blue, not green.
St. Patrick's Day is all about green green green, from the shamrock shakes to the leprechaun coats to the Irish flag. But the color Saint Patrick himself was actually associated with is blue. The earliest depictions of the patron saint of Ireland show him in blue garments, and according to The Smithsonian, when George III created the Order of St. Patrick, a new order of chivalry for the Kingdom of Ireland, its official color was known as "St. Patrick's Blue."
Green is more of a political color than a religious one, as it became the color of Irish nationalism in 1789 with a series of rebellions against the UK. And really, green makes the most sense as a symbol for a place known as The Emerald Isle. The shamrock helps, too. (Another fun fact: The green, white and orange flag of Ireland was officially adopted in 1937 and points directly to the contemporary history between the Catholic and Protestant branches of Christianity in the country.)
5. The tradition of eating corned beef didn't come from Ireland, either.
For many Americans, a St. Patrick's Day meal simply must include corned beef and cabbage. Traditional Irish fare, right? Nope.
Though the Irish produced some of the world's most sought-after corned beef in the mid-1600s, they didn't eat it themselves. Due to England's oppressive laws, Irish people couldn't afford beef, and when they could afford meat, they ate salted pork or bacon. (The reason they produced corned beef was due to some complicated history with the UK and cattle shipping restrictions.)
Two centuries later, Irish immigrants who had a bit more money started buying kosher beef from their Jewish immigrant neighbors in America. According to The Smithsonian, what we consider Irish corned beef today was really Jewish corned beef tossed into a stew with some cabbage and potatoes—truly an example of the American immigration "melting pot."
In Ireland today, you'd most likely be served lamb or beef stew for a St. Patrick's Day feast. (However, much like our St. Paddy's Day revelry, the American tradition of corned beef has slowly made its way into Ireland's celebrations as well.)
It's a wee bit funny to dive into the history of St. Patrick's Day and find that many of the things we typically think of as old Irish traditions are neither particularly old (compared to Saint Patrick himself) nor purely Irish. That's not to say these traditions are not worth celebrating; Irish Americans have their own storied history in the U.S., after all, and who doesn't love a dyed green river or a green-themed parade with lucky shamrocks and leprechauns?
No matter how you celebrate, have a very Happy St. Patrick's Day! Or as they say in Irish Gaelic, "Beannachtaí na Féile Padraig ort!" (Watch how to pronounce it below.)
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Joy
Owner of plus-size dress shop gifts $700 prom dress to 'shy' teen after watching her light up
Creating moments like these is why she opened her store in the first place.
03.15.23
@juicybodygoddess/TikTok
Elyse Monroe found the perfect dress, then found out it costs nothing.
Adolescence is a harrowing time for body image and self-esteem all around, but few milestones are as universally daunting as finding a prom dress. Whether it’s due to budget constraints, not being able to find a dress that fits, or both, what should be a fun event is often viscerally dreaded.
This was certainly the case for Summer Lucille. Lucille told Today.com that growing up, “if you weren’t skinny, there weren’t many options, and it was devastating for me because I’ve always loved fashion.”
She recalled, “I went to my prom looking like a church lady in a suit dress with a jacket because it was the only thing that fit. It was a very sad period in my life.”
Wanting to ensure a more positive experience for others, Lucille opened up her plus-size-only dress shop, Juicy Body Goddess, in 2016. The boutique, based in North Carolina, features mostly Lucille’s own designs of formal dresses up to a size 6X.
Juicy Body Goddess really started gaining traction when Lucille set up a TikTok account sharing truly joyful interactions with customers as they try on different styles.
Besides having an eye for fashion, Lucille is a masterful hype woman, making others feel beautiful with her enthusiastic, heartfelt praises. She clearly loves what she does. Here's one of many, many examples:
@juicybodygoddess I had to get her number so she can model🤩 #plussizefashion#plussizeboutique#birthday#plussizetiktok#juicybodygoddess♬ original sound - JuicyBodyGoddess
Juicy Goddess’s TikTok presence is how 18-year-old Elyse Monroe found out about the store. Monroe and her family drove nearly six hours for a consultation, determined to find the perfect dress.
Lucille shared with People that Monroe was initially “nervous and shy,” but after trying on a sparkly, form-fitting purple gown, everything changed.
"When she got into that purple dress, she lit up," Lucille told People.
There was still a budget problem, however. Monroe’s family could only afford to pay $400. The dress was $700.
Thankfully, Lucille had one more surprise up her sleeve.
A now viral TikTok video shows the Monroe family approach the register, asking how much the dress would cost.
Lucille can be heard saying, “This dress is $700…but it’s free.”
Yeah, as you can probably expect, this leaves the teen and her family a bit emotional. Watch below:
@juicybodygoddess I didn't cry until I did edit #plussize#plussizetiktok#juicybodygoddess#plussizefashion♬ original sound - JuicyBodyGoddess
The video has had an overwhelming number of responses. Many commiserated with their own painful prom memories and applauded Lucille for her generosity. Some were even inspired to perform their own act of kindness by donating. Lucille told People that since posting the video, there has been $12,000 worth of gift card purchases. Yowza.
This is such an amazing example of what can happen when we celebrate uniqueness, spread generosity, and prioritize making everyone feel worthy of praise.
If you’d like to purchase a gift card from Juicy Body Goddess, click here. Or, if you wanna just follow along on some gorgeous fittings, you can find the Juicy Body Goddess TikTok here.Keep ReadingShow less
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Democracy
A police officer makes a profound statement after pulling over a Black teen
The teen’s emotional response hit him like a punch to the gut.
03.16.23
“Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value."
In October 2016, that was a quote from Albert Einstein that sat atop the Facebook page of Tim McMillan, a police officer in Georgia.
McMillan become a sensation after a post he wrote on his Facebook wall went viral in 2016. In his post, he explains how he pulled over a Black teen for texting while driving:
“I pulled a car over last night for texting and driving. When I went to talk to the driver, I found a young black male, who was looking at me like he was absolutely terrified with his hands up. He said, 'What do you want me to do officer?' His voice was quivering. He was genuinely scared," McMillan wrote.
Officer Tim McMillan talks about pulling over a Black teen
Image via Facebook
But McMillan said he wasn't interested in harassing or arresting the young man, let alone inflicting violence upon him. Nonetheless, the teen's emotional response hit McMillan like a punch to the gut.
“I just looked at him for a moment, because what I was seeing made me sad. I said, 'I just don't want you to get hurt.' In which he replied, with his voice still shaking, 'Do you want me to get out of the car.' I said, 'No, I don't want you to text and drive. I don't want you to get in a wreck. I want your mom to always have her baby boy. I want you to grow up and be somebody. I don't even want to write you a ticket. Just please pay attention, and put the phone down. I just don't want you to get hurt,'" he wrote.
McMillan said the interaction made him reflect on a deeply personal level about the national attention being paid to acts of police violence against Black Americans, particularly young Black men.
“I truly don't even care who's fault it is that young man was so scared to have a police officer at his window. Blame the media, blame bad cops, blame protestors, or Colin Kaepernick if you want. It doesn't matter to me who's to blame. I just wish somebody would fix it."
This story originally appeared on GOOD.
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Family
Childless people over 50 are honestly reflecting on whether they made the right decision
Spoiler alert: They’re totally fine with it.
03.16.23
via Pexels
Childless people over 50 discuss their decision.
People who decide not to have children are often unfairly judged by those who chose a different life path. People with children can be especially judgmental to women who’ve decided to opt out of motherhood.
“You will regret it!” is one of the most common phrases lobbed at those who choose to remain childless. Why do people think they’ll have such awful regrets? Because they often say they’ll wind up “lonely and sad” when they’re older.
They also say that life without children is without purpose and that when the childless get older they’ll have no one to take care of them. One of the most patronizing critiques thrown at childless women is that they will never “feel complete” unless they have a child.
However, a lot of these critiques say more about the person doling them out than the person who decides to remain childless. Maybe, just maybe, their life is fulfilling enough without having to reproduce. Maybe, just maybe, they can have a life full of purpose without caring for any offspring.
Maybe the question should be: What’s lacking in your life that you need a child to feel complete?
Studies show that some people regret being childless when they get older, but they’re in the minority. An Australian researcher found that a quarter of child-free women came to regret the decision once they were past child-bearing age and began contemplating old age alone.
People revealed the reasons they’ve decided to be childless in an article by The Upshot. The top answers were the desire for more leisure time, the need to find a partner and the inability to afford child care. A big reason that many women decide not to have children is that motherhood feels like more of a choice these days, instead of a foregone conclusion as it was in previous decades.
Reddit user u/ADreamyNightOwl asked a “serious” question about being childless to the AskReddit subforum and received a lot of honest answers. They asked “People over 50 that chose to be childfree, do you regret your decision? Why or why not?”
The people who responded are overwhelmingly happy with their decision not to have children. A surprising number said they felt positive about their decision because they thought they’d be a lousy parent. Others said they were happy to have been able to enjoy more free time than their friends and family members who had kids.
Here are some of the best responses to the Askreddit question.
1. Never had any desire.
"I explain it to people like this - you know that feeling you get where you just can't wait to teach your kid how to play baseball? or whatever it is you want to share with them? I don't have that. Its basically a lack of parental instinct. Having children was never something I aspired to. My SO is the same way.
"Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against children. And I get really angry at people who harm them or mistreat them. I just never wanted my own." — IBeTrippin
2. No desire. No regrets.
"Nope. It was never something I wanted. No regrets." — BornaCrone
3. Mixed feelings.
"I have mixed feelings. I don't care much for children and I think it would have been disastrous for us to have them. I was also able to retire at 52. Pretty sure that wouldn't have happened with kids. So yeah, absolutely the right decision.
But I love my family and I do wonder what it would be like to have my own, to teach my child the things I know and not to be without someone who cares about me at the time of my death.
"But again, absolutely the right decision and at 55 I'm very happy NOT to have them. This is reinforced every time I'm exposed to other people's kids." — ProfessorOzone
4. They never visit.
"My wife worked at a nursing home for years. Imagine seeing for years that over 95% of old people never have family visit. Till they die and people want a piece of the pie. This when I learned that the whole 'well who is gonna visit you or take care of you when you're older' line is complete bullshit. We decided to not have kids ever after that. Made great friends and saw the world. No regrets." — joevilla1369
5. It wasn't an option.
"I don't necessarily regret not having them, but I regret the fact that I wasn't in a healthy enough relationship where I felt I COULD have children. I regret not being stronger to leave the abuse earlier, if I had been stronger, I think maybe I could have had the choice at least. So yeah... I have regrets." — MaerakiStudioMe
6. Grandkids are cooler.
"No. I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to marry my husband. He had two sons from his first marriage and a vasectomy. He was worried because I was so young (comparatively, he's 10 years older). I did think it over seriously and concluded that a life with him compared to a life without him but (perhaps!) with a baby I didn't even have yet was what I wanted. It worked out for us, we've been together for 26 years. As a bonus I have 9 grandchildren. All the fun without the work of the raising!" — Zublor
7. I'd be a bad parent.
"Not one bit. I have never believed that I would be a good parent. I have a short temper, and while I don't think I would have been physically abusive, my words and tone of voice would be harsh in a very similar way to my own father. I wasn't happy growing up with that kind parent and I wouldn't want to subject any child to that kind of parenting." — Videoman7189
8. I'd rather be the cool aunt and uncle.
"No and I found a partner who feels the same. We are the cool aunt and uncle." — laudinum
9. Loneliness is underrated.
"54 yrs.old. I've lived the past 30 years alone. Presently my dog and I are chillin' in a nice hotel on a spur of the moment vacation. I'd maybe be a grandfather by now?! I can't imagine what it would be like to have family. I picture a life lived more "normally" sometimes. All sunshine and roses, white picket fence, etc. but I realize real life isn't like that. No I don't regret being childfree or wifefree for that matter. My life can be boring at times but then I look back at all the drama that comes with relationships and think I've dodged a bullet. I spent 20 years trying to find a wife to start a family. Then I realized the clock had run out, so fuck it, all the money I'd saved for my future family would be spent on myself. Hmmmmm...what do I want to buy myself for Christmas?" — Hermits_Truth
10. No diaper changes and no regrets.
"Nope. I never had the urge to change diapers or lose sleep, free time and most of my earnings. Other people's kids are great. Mostly because they are other people's. When people ask 'Who will take care of you when you're old' I tell them that when I'm 75 I will adopt a 40-year-old." — fwubglubbel
11. Zero desire.
"I’m 55 (F) and never wanted children. I just don’t much like them, and 20+ years of motherhood sounded (and still sounds) like a prison sentence. Maternal af when it comes to cats and dogs, but small humans? No chance.
"And I’m very happy to be childless. Cannot imagine my life any other way." — GrowlKitty
12. D.I.N.K.
"Dual income no kids = great lifestyle!" — EggOntheRun
13. Some regrets
"Over 50 and child free. My only regret is that my wife would have been a great mother, and sometimes I feel like I deprived her of that, even though we both agreed we didn’t want kids. Sometimes I wonder if I pushed her into that decision. She works with the elderly every day and sees a lot of lonely folks so it gets to her sometimes. I was always afraid I’d screw up the parenting thing, so I was never really interested in the idea. I’m a loner by nature though." — Johnny-Virgil
This article originally appeared on 02.08.22
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Family
Dad's video sharing 'hardest part of co-parenting' has other separated parents relating
"I wish for peace and quiet, as does every parent when they’re overwhelmed. But then I hate it when I have it.”
03.16.23
@ainjole/TikTok
“Now I cherish every scream, every dirty hand print, and every spill.”
Very often, the right choice isn’t easy. Co-parenting is a prime example of this—no matter how amicable a break-up is, single parents inevitably lose time with their children after a divorce and must deal with the resulting loneliness that happens once the child leaves to spend time with the other parent. Knowing that you’ve made the right decision doesn’t necessarily take away the pain.
That’s why one dad’s video sharing his own experience of his child’s empty room is resonating with other single parents over on TikTok.
The dad, whose name appears to be Angel but goes by @ainjole on the platform, confessed in his video’s caption, “I think the hardest part of coparenting (for me) is dropping my daughter off with her mom and coming home to silence.”He continued, “Of course when she’s rowdy and loud, I wish for peace and quiet, as does every parent when they’re overwhelmed. But then I hate it when I have it.”
The video itself shows Angel closing the door after his daughter, Penny, leaves to be with her mom. He is left behind with a mess of toys scattered on the floor—remnants of the fun they shared together.
As heartfelt piano music from Pixar's “Up” plays, Angel picks up the toys, sweeps and dusts, makes the bed…removing any traces of the past few days.
The video ends with Angel lying alone on the bed, surrounded by carefully arranged stuffed animals, just before he turns off the light.
@ainjole I think the hardest part of coparenting (for me) is dropping off my daughter with her mom and coming home to silence. Of course when she’s rowdy and loud, I wish for peace and quiet, as does every parent when they’re overwhelmed. But then I hate when i have it. #fyp#coparenting#coparentingstruggles#dadsoftiktok#dadtok#singledad#girldad♬ beauty of pixar - nilsodinson
The father later wrote in the comments, “Now I cherish every scream, every dirty hand print, and every spill.”
The touching video struck a chord in single parents. Angel is clearly not the only one to experience deep sadness during that first silence after a child leaves.
“Damn that’s so accurate. Tired. Sad. Relieved. It’s a weird feeling,” one person wrote.
“Dam bro I do that every Monday don't have the heart to clean Sunday night after I drop them off,” another added. “The mess reminds me of them.”
One wrote “I miss my daughter everyday till I have her again.I always snuggle with her favorite teddybear till she comes back.”
Several shared how it’s a feeling that never completely goes away.
“I still cry to this day when my kids leave with their dad and it’s been 2 years. It’s something you never get used to,” confessed one parent.
Another added, “Been doing it for 16 years. It’s always rough. I’ve done the lay in their bed in the dark countless times.”
Several others tried to encourage Angel by reminding him that he’s still making the right decision.
“I’ve been doing it for 10 years now and it doesn't get any easier, but just know 2 happy homes is better than 1 toxic home,” one person shared. “Proud of you.”
Despite feeling sad, Angel seems to be taking things in stride, writing in the comments that “it’s painful to see them go but even more special when they come back.”
Kudos to Angel for sharing this vulnerable moment. This is something that many single parents go through, and while nothing replaces time spent with loved ones, maybe through open conversation there can be a little less loneliness surrounding the subject.
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