‘I refuse to hate a police officer’: Tyler Perry’s challenging speech showed true humanity
The Academy Awards is an evening for honoring the best achievements in film. But it’s also an event where the film industry unabashedly professes its progressive views to the world. The nice thing about last night was that, for once, Hollywood’s talk about being inclusive was actually on display. The broadcast featured a diverse group…
The Academy Awards is an evening for honoring the best achievements in film. But it’s also an event where the film industry unabashedly professes its progressive views to the world.
The nice thing about last night was that, for once, Hollywood’s talk about being inclusive was actually on display. The broadcast featured a diverse group of attendees and winners, putting to bed the #OscarsSoWhite critiques of the past six years, for now, at least.
Depending on where one stands on the political spectrum, Sunday’s broadcast was either an exhilarating night of celebrating progressive views or three hours of virtue signaling from some of the country’s richest and most powerful people.
However, there was a beautiful moment in the broadcast that everyone should appreciate. After being awarded the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award at the 93rd Oscars, Tyler Perry gave a speech about unity that cut through America’s political divide and got to the heart of what real humanity is about.
Perry was given the award for a lifetime of charitable work, including the time he paid for people’s groceries during the pandemic.
“Tyler knows what it is to be hungry, to be without a home, to feel unsafe and uncertain. So when he buys groceries for 1,000 of his neighbors, supports a women’s shelter, or quietly pays tuition for a hard-working student, Tyler is coming from a place of shared experience,” presenter Viola Davis said.
In his speech, Perry’s main theme was refusing hate. A tough ask in a time when the country is so politically polarized.
“And in this time, with all of the internet and social media and algorithms and everything that wants us to think a certain way, the 24-hour news cycle…it is my hope that all of us would teach our kids, and I want to remember: just refuse hate. Don’t hate anybody,” Perry said.
“I refuse to hate someone because they are a police officer. I refuse to hate someone because they are Asian. I would hope we would refuse hate,” he said.
Perry’s words were powerful at a time when the nation is reeling from police violence. He challenged the notion that, as a Black man, he has to hate the police.
When, in fact, Perry appears to be standing with the vast majority of Black people (81%) who want the police to spend the same, or more, time in their neighborhoods. The important point is that a vast majority of Black (91%) also want the police to be held to higher standards of behavior and accountability.
Perry further explained why he gave his speech in a post-award interview.
“Just where we are in the country and the world, and everybody is grabbing a corner and a color, and they are all – nobody wants to come to the middle to have a conversation,” he said.
“Everybody is polarized, and it’s in the middle where things change,” he added. “So I’m hoping that that inspires people to meet us in the middle so that we can get back to some semblance of normal. As this pandemic is over, we can get to a place where we are showing love and kindness to each other again.”
Perry’s speech was challenging, uplifting and, ultimately, a practical way of seeing the world that allows us to all move forward. It’s also a wonderful example of why he’s seen as a humanitarian.
In March 2023, after months of preparation and paperwork, Anita Omary arrived in the United States from her native Afghanistan to build a better life. Once she arrived in Connecticut, however, the experience was anything but easy.
“When I first arrived, everything felt so strange—the weather, the environment, the people,” Omary recalled. Omary had not only left behind her extended family and friends in Afghanistan, she left her career managing child protective cases and supporting refugee communities behind as well. Even more challenging, Anita was five months pregnant at the time, and because her husband was unable to obtain a travel visa, she found herself having to navigate a new language, a different culture, and an unfamiliar country entirely on her own.
“I went through a period of deep disappointment and depression, where I wasn’t able to do much for myself,” Omary said.
Then something incredible happened: Omary met a woman who would become her close friend, offering support that would change her experience as a refugee—and ultimately the trajectory of her entire life.
Understanding the journey
Like Anita Omary, tens of thousands of people come to the United States each year seeking safety from war, political violence, religious persecution, and other threats. Yet escaping danger, unfortunately, is only the first challenge. Once here, immigrant and refugee families must deal with the loss of displacement, while at the same time facing language barriers, adapting to a new culture, and sometimes even facing social stigma and anti-immigrant biases.
Welcoming immigrant and refugee neighbors strengthens the nation and benefits everyone—and according to Anita Omary, small, simple acts of human kindness can make the greatest difference in helping them feel safe, valued, and truly at home.
A warm welcome
Dee and Omary's son, Osman
Anita Omary was receiving prenatal checkups at a woman’s health center in West Haven when she met Dee, a nurse.
“She immediately recognized that I was new, and that I was struggling,” Omary said. “From that moment on, she became my support system.”
Dee started checking in on Omary throughout her pregnancy, both inside the clinic and out.
“She would call me and ask am I okay, am I eating, am I healthy,” Omary said. “She helped me with things I didn’t even realize I needed, like getting an air conditioner for my small, hot room.”
Soon, Dee was helping Omary apply for jobs and taking her on driving lessons every weekend. With her help, Omary landed a job, passed her road test on the first attempt, and even enrolled at the University of New Haven to pursue her master’s degree. Dee and Omary became like family. After Omary’s son, Osman, was born, Dee spent five days in the hospital at her side, bringing her halal food and brushing her hair in the same way Omary’s mother used to. When Omary’s postpartum pain became too great for her to lift Osman’s car seat, Dee accompanied her to his doctor’s appointments and carried the baby for her.
“Her support truly changed my life,” Omary said. “Her motivation, compassion, and support gave me hope. It gave me a sense of stability and confidence. I didn’t feel alone, because of her.”
More than that, the experience gave Omary a new resolve to help other people.
“That experience has deeply shaped the way I give back,” she said. “I want to be that source of encouragement and support for others that my friend was for me.”
Extending the welcome
Omary and Dee at the Martin Luther King, Jr. Vision Awards ceremony at the University of New Haven.
Omary is now flourishing. She currently works as a career development specialist as she continues her Master’s degree. She also, as a member of the Refugee Storytellers Collective, helps advocate for refugee and immigrant families by connecting them with resources—and teaches local communities how to best welcome newcomers.
“Welcoming new families today has many challenges,” Omary said. “One major barrier is access to English classes. Many newcomers, especially those who have just arrived, often put their names on long wait lists and for months there are no available spots.” For women with children, the lack of available childcare makes attending English classes, or working outside the home, especially difficult.
Omary stresses that sometimes small, everyday acts of kindness can make the biggest difference to immigrant and refugee families.
“Welcome is not about big gestures, but about small, consistent acts of care that remind you that you belong,” Omary said. Receiving a compliment on her dress or her son from a stranger in the grocery store was incredibly uplifting during her early days as a newcomer, and Omary remembers how even the smallest gestures of kindness gave her hope that she could thrive and build a new life here.
“I built my new life, but I didn’t do it alone,” Omary said. “Community and kindness were my greatest strengths.”
Are you in? Click here to join the Refugee Advocacy Lab and sign the #WeWillWelcome pledge and complete one small act of welcome in your community. Together, with small, meaningful steps, we can build communities where everyone feels safe.
This article is part of Upworthy’s “The Threads Between U.S.” series that highlights what we have in common thanks to the generous support from the Levi Strauss Foundation, whose grantmaking is committed to creating a culture of belonging.
Tourists see new places with fresh eyes and fresh observations. In 2024, 72.4 million tourists visited the United States, according to the National Travel and Tourism Office. (That’s a lot of eyes seeing America in a new light.)
Tourists to the States have pointed out that Americans really do like to put ranch dressing on everything. They’ve also noted that in the U.S., squirrels seem to run rampant.
While these are insightful observations, most Americans would say they already know them to be true. On Reddit, Americans shared the shocking realizations they had about the U.S. that were only revealed to them by tourists.
As one American noted, “I’ve lived in the US my whole life. Somehow, I’ve never noticed this before.”
These are 15 eye-opening things tourists brought to Americans’ attention that truly blew their minds:
Culture
“We sure do have a lot of flags everywhere.” – myfourmoons
“American coins don’t have numbers on them. Some of the coins will say ‘One Cent’ or ‘Quarter Dollar’ but I don’t think that’s helpful if your English is not so good. And sometimes that labeling is just not in a place that easy to see on a coin.” – chocotacogato
Michael White, a former spokesman for the United States Mint, told The Gainesville Sun that the reason coins in the U.S. don’t have numbers is simple: “It is an artistic choice in the majority of instances.”
White added that certain coins in the past in the U.S. have used numerical notations, including the dime, nickel, and quarter. The article notes, “From 1809 to 1836, there was a half dollar imprinted with ’50 C.’ That was changed to ’50 cents’ for two years and then, in 1838, artistic choice deemed it should be called ‘half dollar.’”
“The gap around the stall doors in public restrooms. It’s weird, and I hate it.” – SidheRa
“Bank drive-thru lanes. I was told ‘why don’t you just get out of your car and walk in the bank?’” – JWilsn_Art
According to Wells Fargo, “motor banks” (aka drive-in and drive-thru banks) were invented in the U.S. and came into existence in the 1930s.
“That every morning, all American children from kindergarten to 12th grade, stand before the US flag (found in every classroom, ofc) and recite “the pledge of allegiance” to the country in unison, with their right hands over their hearts. Upon learning this universal American school experience, my Russian colleague said: ‘That is the most Comm*nist thing over ever heard!’” – jzzdancer2
The Pledge of Allegiance, written by Francis Bellamy, debuted in 1892, according to the American Legion. Over the years, it went through various edits until it was recognized by Congress and included in the U.S. Flag Code on June 22, 1942.
“How much daily life revolves around cars. In many cities, if you don’t drive, you basically don’t exist. It’s convenience on steroids.” – Prior_Bank7992
Mannerisms
“That Americans switch between hands when eating with silverware, cutlery, etc.” – BasilRevolutionary38
Called the “cut-and-switch” table habit, it’s described by NPR as when you “hold your fork in your left hand and cut with your right and then put down your knife so you can switch your fork to your right hand before you take a bite.”
Americans actually adapted this use of cutlery from the French. Writer Mark Vanhoenacker explained to NPR, “Americans got it from France in the 19th century even as France was giving it up, and no one knows why France gave it up. Maybe just convenience or another change of fashion.”
“We smile too much. To the point where foreigners, specifically Asians (Korean and Chinese) have pointed out that our smiles feel disingenuous and mean nothing. Really hit home, but despite that, I still smile ‘too much’.” – BMdabbleU
“How much casual socializing we do with strangers. From small talk to things people in other places consider weirdly intimate (like talking about health problems).” – Practical-Water-9209
“The lean! The fact that people from the U.S. tend to lean on things while standing, no matter how inappropriate a place or circumstance. I’ve thought about it, and I think its because the U.S. (for the most part) isn’t walkable, so we aren’t used to standing for as along as other countries.” – Lobstertales143
The Central Intelligence Agency has deemed the “American Lean” a dead giveaway that someone is an American. In 2019, Jonna Mendez, the CIA’s former chief of disguise, and Gina Haspel, former CIA director, told NPR that Europeans can easily spot Americans in a crowd.
“They think that we are slouchy, a little sloppy,” Mendez said. “And they think that they can almost see that in our demeanor on the street because they stand up straight. They don’t lean on things.”
Food
“Root beer tastes like medicine. It’s still my favorite soda but… yeah it tastes mediciney.” – TheNerdNugget
“Had a German foreign exchange student and she said ‘All American breakfast is dessert. Pancakes, donuts, Cinnabon, muffins, French toast…’ I was like yea you have a point lol.” – dom954
Words
“Apparently Americans use the word ‘awesome’ a lot. I’ve had people in other countries tease us for how we think everything is awesome lol. But to be fair, tons of things ARE awesome, and also you’re talking to me on vacation when I’m in the best mood of my life lol.” – Gold_Telephone_7192
“‘Yeah’ ‘Yeah no’ ‘Yeah right’ ‘Oh yeah’ ‘Hell yeah!’ All mean different things!” – zippy_97
Oh, Olive Garden. The hold you have on our American souls. We know it’s about as authentic to Italian food as Taco Bell is to Mexican food, but does that make the breadsticks and Alfredo sauce any less addictive? No, certainly not.
Still, one cannot expect an actual Italian person to hold the same fondness. And yet, one American host mom insisted on introducing her Italian exchange student to it anyway.
In a hilarious three-part series, we see Rhonda, an American, tell Alessandro, an Italian, “Today’s your lucky day! We are taking you to dinner at a very special place!” She then does her best to coax Alessandro out of the car and into the Olive Garden where they’re currently parked.
Alessandro was “not mentally ready” for Olive Garden
Alessandro, however, is NOT feeling it and even asks if there was a McDonald’s nearby where they could go instead. He then declares, “I’m not going anywhere.”
After several pleas, all to no avail, Alessandro eventually gives in. Though he clarifies, “This is something against my will, just so you know,” as he passes the “Benvenuto!” sign.
Scouring the menu, poor Alessandro can’t help but exclaim, “Mamma mia! Why am I here?!” When Rhonda suggests getting the fettuccine Alfredo, he looks downright appalled. You can actually catch his nostrils flaring.
The real history behind the very American fettuccine Alfredo
As Rhonda points out in the video, Alfredo sauce would not be found in Italy—at least not the thick, cream-laden version we know here in the United States. The original Roman dish, made by Alfredo di Lelio around 1908, was simply butter and Parmesan tossed with hot pasta water to create a silky coating.
As legend has it, silent film stars Mary Pickford and Douglas Fairbanks—one of Hollywood’s first power couples—tasted the dish while in Rome and loved it so much they popularized it back home. With the American mentality often being “more is more,” the recipe eventually evolved into the heavier, cream-based sauce known today. Another theory is that Italian immigrants adapted the recipe to American tastes. Either way, American sensibilities are to blame.
Back to Olive Garden…
Holding his head in his hand, Alessandro eventually orders the fried mozzarella and calamari (honestly, solid choices), which he seems to enjoy well enough. He also tries the fried ravioli. Though he cannot quite comprehend why ravioli needed to be fried in the first place, he graciously labels it “interesting,” which feels like the international diplomatic way of saying, “I only tolerate this.”
But you know what? He absolutely DEVOURS those breadsticks and Alfredo.
“I feel like I’m betraying Italy right now,” he says, clearly enjoying the salty, creamy, oh-so American indulgence. Alfredo di Lelio must be rolling in his grave!
The series ends with Alessandro being forced to reconcile with what we Americans know to be true: Olive Garden is in no way, shape, or form authentic, but it is super tasty nevertheless. He may never admit this back home, but in that booth, surrounded by unlimited carbs and a very pleased host mom, he cannot deny the appeal.
Wonder if he’ll ever be brave enough to try the chicken parm…
A lot of parents feel guilty about letting their kids watch TV. But a little bit of screentime isn’t always a bad thing. There are shows with legitimate educational value like Ms. Rachel or Sesame Street. Educational programming can be an amazing way for kids to accelerate their learning of counting, the alphabet, and social behaviors.
In some rare cases, they can learn even more than that from their favorite TV shows: Like bravery and strength. Just take it from 3-year-old Bridger Peabody.
Not all heroes wear capes; some wear blankies. Giphy
Bridger is a huge fan of the show Paw Patrol, which came in handy when an emergency took place while he was being babysat by his great-grandmother Sharon Lewis, 77.
The two were home alone when the unthinkable happened, “Gigi,” which is what Bridger calls his grandma, suffered a terrifying and violent fall. Lewis uses a walker to get around and must’ve become unsteady on her feet while maneuvering the wheeled walker inside.
The pair were outside enjoying some playtime before everything went south. As they were making their way inside from playing in the backyard, Lewis fell—but it wasn’t just a normal trip and fall. The great-grandma didn’t land on her knees, bottom, or even her hands—which probably would caused enough damage. When Lewis fell, she forcefully hit her head on the cement steps and blood quickly rushed from her wound—but that wasn’t the end of her problem.
The two were alone, and there was no one else around to help.
“I tripped over something and fell and hit my head on the concrete step,” Lewis tells Inside Edition.
The elderly woman was unable to move and her cell phone was not with her. Since she was home alone with the toddler, she realized he was the only one there who could help her.
So, she instructed him to get her phone from her car. Bridger may be young, but he knew his grandmother was hurt and needed his help. There were a couple of stumbling blocks for Bridger to overcome, though, the first one being that the phone was in the car, not inside the house. The second was that the sun had set and the toddler is afraid of the dark. Venturing out into the darkness alone to get his great-grandma’s cellphone was a monumental task for the little guy.
This is where Paw Patrol comes in. The show is popular with toddlers and preschoolers, and depicts cartoon dogs of different breeds donning uniforms from various help and service professions (firefighter, police, construction, etc.) to rescue different fictional animals. It shows kids the importance of bravery, team work, and kindness—which Bridger clearly picked up on.
The little guy knew that it was dark outside, but he also knew he needed to help his great-grandmother—so he braved the dark channeling his inner Paw Patrol character.
The whole thing was captured on the Peabody’s security camera and it’s just as amazing and adorable as you would expect.
Bridger even gives himself a little pep talk as he navigates the nighttime darkness to retrieve the cell phone so Gigi can call 911. You can see Bridger holding his blankie in the night vision security camera as he walks to the car repeating, “Don’t be afraid.”
The boy opens the car door and excitedly exclaims, “YAY! I did it!” when he gets inside the car.
When the interior light turned on in the car, Bridger could clearly see the phone and was able to grab it and bring it back to his grandmother, allowing her to call 911.
The ambulance came to take Lewis to the hospital where she received 22 staples in her head. She’s now home safely recovering all thanks to the bravery of her three-year-old great grandson.
Social media users couldn’t get enough of the story of bravery, and it quickly went viral. Commenters chimed in with their admiration:
“Not all hero’s wear capes, some of them hold blankies.”
“Grandma’s hope in Bridger overcame his fear! May they always be bonded, and continue to make lasting memories together!”
“him telling himself dont be scared is one of the cutest and bravest things i have seen that was special.”
“Paw Patrol company needs to give that young warrior something special.”
“Yay!! I did it!!” My heart melted. What an adorable little boy, and so strong. He saved his Gigi’s life that day. Bless him!!!”
Gigi is doing well and, with the media frenzy dying down, Bridger is returning to life as a normal 3-year-old. But he and his Gigi will be bonded for life over what happened, that much is for sure. The young man might have a bright future in helping others ahead of him with the bravery he’s displayed so far in his short life.
This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.
The Sound of Music has been beloved for generations, partially for the music (and Julie Andrews’ angelic voice), partially for the historical storyline, and partially for the love story between Maria and Georg Von Trapp. The idea of a nun-in-training softening the heart of a curmudgeonly widower, falling in love with him, and ultimately becoming a big, happy family is just an irresistible love story.
But it turns out the real love story behind their union is even more fascinating.
Maria Von Trapp (left) was played by Julie Andrews and her husband Georg was played by Christopher Plummer in Photo credit: Public domain
The National Archives has collected information about what’s fact and what’s fiction in The Sound of Music, which is based on a real family in Austria named Von Trapp. The film was generally based on the first section of Maria Von Trapp’s 1949 autobiography, The Story of the Trapp Family Singers, with some of the details being true and others fictionalized for a movie audience.
For instance, Maria was actually hired on as a tutor for just one of Georg’s children, not as a governess for all of them. The children, whose names, ages and sexes were changed, were already musically inclined before Maria arrived. Georg was not the cold, grumpy dad he was portrayed as in the beginning of the film, but rather a warm and involved parent who enjoyed making music with his kids. Maria and Georg were married 11 years before leaving Austria, not right before the Nazi takeover. The Von Trapps left by train, not in a secret excursion over the mountains.
But perhaps the most intriguing detail? Maria was not in love with Georg at all when they got married.
Sound Of Music Flag GIF by The Rodgers & Hammerstein Organization Giphy
It doesn’t initially make for a great Hollywood romance, but the Von Trapp love story began with marriage for other reasons and evolved into a genuine love story. Maria wrote that she fell in love with Georg’s children at first sight, but she wasn’t sure about leaving her religious calling when Georg asked her to marry him. The nuns urged her to do God’s will and marry him, but for Maria it was all about the children, not him. When Georg proposed, he asked her to stay with him and become a second mother to his children. “God must have made him word it that way,” Maria wrote, “because if he had only asked me to marry him I might not have said yes.”
“I really and truly was not in love,” she wrote. “I liked him but didn’t love him. However, I loved the children, so in a way I really married the children.”
However, she shared that her feelings for Georg changed over time. “…[B]y and by I learned to love him more than I have ever loved before or after.”
The idea of marrying someone you don’t love is antithetical to every romantic notion our society celebrates, yet the evolution of Maria’s love for Georg has been a common occurrence across many cultures throughout history. Romantic love was not always the primary impetus for marriage. It was more often an economic proposition and communal arrangement that united families and peoples, formed the basis of alliances, and enabled individuals to rise through social ranks. Some cultures still practice arranged marriage, which limited research has found has outcomes identical to love-first marriage in reports of passionate love, companionate love, satisfaction, and commitment. The idea of marrying someone you don’t already love is anathema to modern Western sensibilities, but the reality is that people have married over the centuries for many reasons, only one of which is falling in love.
Maria’s marriage to Georg actually was about falling in love, but not with him. She loved his children and wanted to be with them. It definitely helped that she liked the guy, but she wasn’t swept off her feet by him, there were no moonlit confessions of love a la “Something Good,” and their happily ever after love story didn’t come until much later.
Ultimately, Maria and Georg’s love story was one for the ages, just not one that fits the Hollywood film trope. And it’s a compelling reminder that our unwritten rules and social norms determining what love and marriage should look like aren’t set in stone. Do marriages for reasons other than love always evolve into genuine love? No. Do marriages based on falling in love first always last? Also no. Should a marriage that starts with “like” and develops into to a genuine, deep love over years be considered “true love” in the way we usually think of it? Who can say? Lots to ponder over in this love story.
But Maria’s description of learning “to love him more than I have ever loved before or after” is a pretty high bar, so clearly it worked for them. The Von Trapps were married for 20 years and had three more children together before Georg died of lung cancer in 1947. Maria would live another four decades and never remarried. She died in 1987 at age 82 and is buried next to Georg on the family’s property in Vermont.
This article originally appeared last year It has been updated.
In the 1980s, food was entering a new era of convenience. A big reason was more women continuing to enter the workforce throughout the ’80s—a trend that began in the 1960s and peaked in the late 1990s, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics.
With more women working jobs outside the home, convenience and frozen foods became more popular. Thus, the 1980s marked the height of microwave cooking.
By the mid-1980s, microwaves had become standard kitchen appliances, notes the Henry Ford Museum. Cooking was all about saving time.
“The act of eating—once a leisurely undertaking synonymous with pleasure and social interaction—has been reduced to a necessary function not unlike shaving or refueling a car,” wrote New York Times reporter Dena Kleiman, according to The International Wine & Food Society.
While homemade meals were becoming more rare, they made way for a robust processed and snack foods market. Many of these foods defined Gen X childhoods and are now making a comeback in 2026 with the “newstalgic” food trend: modern consumers are craving nostalgic flavors, according to Food Dive.
On Reddit, Gen Xers got nostalgic about the foods that filled their pantries, fridges, freezers (and stomachs) back in the 1980s. From microwave meals to sweets and drinks, these are the ’80s foods and drinks they miss most.
Microwave meals
“Soggy fries [from MicroMagic] while staying home sick from school and watching either The Price is Right or Gilligan’s Island.” – CompleteTruth
“Yes! Jeno’s Pizza [Rolls] Snacks. They were, like, dollar coin size and there was a row of cheese, a row of pepperoni, and a row of crumbled italian sausage. And anyone who comments with anything regarding bagel bites OBVIOUSLY never had Pizza Snacks. I would LOVE for them to come back. Bagel Bites SUCK!” – Accomplished-Push190
“Chef Boyardee Roller Coasters.” – Chef Boyardee Roller Coasters
Snacks
“Hot buttered Cheerios. When I told people I grew up eating buttered Cheerios, they thought I was nuts.” – electric_pole_6
“Fruit Wrinkles fruit snacks. These were so good!” – JenaPet02
“Pizzarias pizza chips.” – LittleWhiteFuzzies
“I occasionally crave the Peanut Butter Boppers. I think I convinced my mother they were heathy since they were created by Nature Valley granola.” – jfdonohoe
Sweets
“Pudding pops! They were so good. They finally discontinued them several years ago.” – Adelaide_Farmington
“Giggle cookies. I KNEW there was a reason why Trader Joe’s pumpkin Oreos were bringing back memories!!!! I just couldn’t remember what!!” – laurenishere, Altruistic-Win9651
“Hostess Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles pies. Man we’re these tasty. I remember exactly what shelf they were on at my neighborhood convenience store, I can see it now. Lol. Good memories!” – The_OtherGuy_99, Ok_Owl5141
“Nestle Alpine White— sweet dreams you can’t resist.” – Metzger4Sheriff
“PB Max bars.” – my-coffee-needs-me
Drinks
“I remember BRIM coffee. ‘Fill it to the rim with BRIM’.” – User Unknown
“Hi-C Peach.” – LdyWarner
“I lived on Five Alive juice as a kid. Damn do I miss it.” – kardde
It’s wonderful to go on vacation and learn all about other people’s cultures. But when you travel to another country, you also learn a lot about your own. When you’re a fish out of water, it’s easy to see the ways you stand out in a foreign environment. It’s especially noticeable when you’re an American, because your culture is known around the world.
A big way Americans stand out overseas is through their fashion. Wearing a New York Yankees cap, cargo shorts, and white New Balance sneakers may be camouflage in America, but in Paris, you stick out like peanut butter on a baguette.
To reveal the many ways Americans stand out while traveling, a Reddit user asked non-Americans a simple question: “Besides their accent, what’s one way you know a tourist is American?” The post received over 18,000 responses. Evidently, there are a lot of ways to spot an American abroad.
Here are 13 of the best responses:
1. They wait to be seated
“When visiting Paris, my wife and I learned they don’t seat you at restaurants. You just walk in and sit down at an available table. We figured it out after standing around at the entrance a few times. Then we started noticing other American tourists doing the same.”
2. They start conversations with everyone
“Saying ‘hi, how are you?’ to the barista, servers, retail workers. My country doesn’t quite have that culture so I find it really sweet.”
“I’m fascinated with Norway and remember watching a vlog from an American who had moved there. She said one of the biggest differences was the lack of politeness, because people view it as fake. I would love to live somewhere that’s more introverted than the US.”
“The absolute fearlessness of asking anyone on the street about anything.”
“This is something i still don’t understand after being in Europe for a few years. Why are people so afraid of other people just like them?”
“I’ll literally talk to anyone that wants to chat me up, never thought that was uniquely American.”
“When I went to Italy with a friend, I couldn’t figure out why everyone greeted me in English before I said a word. I don’t wear running shoes outside of the gym, I dress pretty posh, I can’t remember the last time I owned a baseball cap, and I try to have a basic grasp on the local language. How can they tell I’m American? My friend told me, ‘it’s because you’re smiling at them.’”
“It’s not so much about the fact that Americans smile, it’s how you smile. Nobody here smiles with their teeth. Maybe if they heard a really funny joke or are trying to look happy in a picture, but that’s about it. When I visited America, my family literally spent hours trying to learn how to properly smile with all your teeth showing. I still can’t do it correctly, it looks weird. I remember the first times I saw pictures from a highschool yearbook on the internet. I thought, ‘What is wrong with them? Why are they smiling so much?’ If you smile with your teeth at someone in Europe, it’s either your job, or you’re American.”
“Americans recognize other Americans in most countries because they smile at strangers on the street.”
“I live in New York, I don’t understand this smiling thing.”
Why do Americans smile so much? It’s because they come from a diverse country. A study of 32 different countries found that emotional expressiveness is correlated with diversity. When people are around others from diverse cultures, they are more likely to use a smile to build trust and cooperation.
4. Americans are very polite
“Some of yous are way more polite than expected. Whenever I hear someone say ‘ma’am’ I know they’re American. Like one time I was in Lidls and there was an American family asking someone who worked there if they sold ‘cell phones’ and when the woman said they didn’t they were all ‘oh okay, thank you for your time ma’am! Have a great day!’ which is mucb more cheery than the average Scot.”
“Yes, sir, that’s southern manners.”
“I’m gonna piggyback the Midwest in here, too. If you just walk away without putting something like this in Kansas, you might as well have slapped them.”
“Most American tourists I’ve come across are really friendly and talkative. They always seem to be genuinely stoked to be here haha.”
“Let’s put it this way: in the Eurozone, you can make a day trip of going to another country. For most of the US, getting to literally any other country is a massive ordeal with a huge price tag, so when we get to go, it’s a really special occasion that we have to make the most of because a lot of us have no idea when or if we’ll ever get to do it again.”
6. They are amazed by old things
“Girlfriend used to work on a farm and an estate in the U.K. and would often have Americans in awe of the old buildings. One once said ‘some of these buildings are older than my country.’”
“Reminds me of that old saw ‘Americans think a hundred years is a long time, Europeans think a hundred miles is a long way.’”
7. They need to find a trash can
“If you see an American in Japan, they will frantically look for public trash cans. The absence of trash receptacles is something unfounded in the US, and we become confused at the idea of having to hold it for extended periods of time.”
“EXACTLY!! Im American, went last year and i ended up having half of my backpack filled with trash until i found a trashcan, it didnt help it was mid summer so we would buy drinks from vending machines a lot, not all the vending machines had trashcans.”
“Tipping. Americans will try to tip everyone, even in countries where tipping isn’t a thing/is considered a serious insult.”
“True. I used to work in a bar in the UK, and American customers would insist on tipping me even after I declined. The relief on their faces when I took the money was hilarious.”
9. They shop late at night
“They’re looking for a store open at like 11 pm. Even if in most European countries stores close at like 7-8 pm.”
“Yeah, I’m italian but live in the US right now. One of my coworkers went to Italy on vacation and she was texting me stuff like ‘there’s no circle k here?’ Lmao.”
10. Just look at their feet
“Americans will be wearing sneakers.”
“Yep. I walked into a museum in Germany, and the woman selling tickets greeted us in English. We were dressed conservatively, and hadn’t said a word, yet she knew. I asked her how, and she said, ‘It’s your shoes.’ Indeed, I was wearing running shoes.”
Although there is no specific reason why Americans tend to wear sneakers more often than people in other countries, a major factor is car culture. When you don’t walk much, you value comfort and style over everything else. Plus, America is a country based on individuality, which breeds a culture that’s more casual than in other developed countries.
11. They take off their shoes in the airport
“I hear that us Americans can easily be spotted in the airport by the fact usually were use to taking off our shoes in TSA.”
“Dude when we landed in Japan a couple of years ago I started to take my shoes off to go through customs and I’ll never forget, one of the agents there just completely froze and looked at me like I had frogs coming out of my ears. He then motioned for me to put my shoes back on. I was very embarrassed.”
12. It’s how Americans dress
“Baseball caps, University spirit wear, cargo shorts, free t-shirts from events with ads and text all over them, and for the older Americans, they always seem to just kinda stand in the middle of everything looking around.”
“People may mock Americans for wearing shirts with ads on them but Europeans and their soccer (ahem, football) gear is just as questionable.”
“As opposed to football jerseys with ads prominently featured on the design that the wearer paid good money for.”
“For the longest time, I thought that there was a soccer team named Fly Emirates.”
“If they buy peanutbutter. It sounds very weird, but everyone who buys peanut butter where I work, turns out to be American.”
“I was desperately homesick while living in Belfast and had a quiet cry in the grocery store because I wanted it and couldn’t find it. I eventually did, made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and felt better. Not seeing the sun for three months was doing my head in.”
Interestingly, although Americans are stereotyped as the biggest consumers of peanut butter in the world, it’s actually much more popular in developing nations such as Burkina Faso, Myanmar, and Chad, where it is used as a nutritional supplement and an ingredient in soups and stews.
Twelve years ago, this unassuming couple went viral for the greatest gas station karaoke performance ever. – Photo credit: Monifa Sims (used with permission)
When Will and Monifa Sims stopped to get gas in Burbank, California, in 2013, they had no idea they were about to become a viral sensation. What began as a little “go-with-the-flow” singing on the spot at a gas station altered their lives forever.
Here’s what happened: Will began pumping gas when suddenly actor Tim Stack (playing newscaster Jack Rafferty) appeared on a tiny TV above pump 16. What Will didn’t know was that this was one of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno’s pranks, where a fake newscast appears. The fake newscaster then asks a gas station patron to perform some type of wacky stunt or sing their favorite karaoke song. In exchange, they’re told they’ll get free gas.
The setup
After Will hummed a few bars of a song to himself, Stack suddenly addressed him. “You at pump 16 in Burbank. You’ve got a real nice singing voice.” It took Will a few seconds to understand what was happening, but he soon laughed and expressed gratitude. Stack continued, “Do you do that professionally?” Will answered, “No, just karaoke.”
It was then that Stack made him a proposition: “Guess what? We’ll pay for your gasoline. How ’bout a little karaoke from you?”
Will was totally game. He didn’t hesitate for a second. “Okay! What you want?” It was determined that Will was an “eighties kid,” so he liked Bon Jovi. They decided “Livin’ on a Prayer” was the way to go, and Stack asked, “Do you need the words?” Will answered emphatically, “No, I know ’em, baby.”
He started singing the 1986 hit with all his might. “Tommy used to work on the docks / Union’s been on strike / it’s tough / So tough.” He went on, nailing every note, even hitting the falsetto parts in the chorus. “Ooooh, we’re halfway there / Oh, oh! Livin’ on a prayer…” We then heard another voice on the “TV” note, “The girl in the front seat is just dying.”
Will finished strong and asked, “How was that?” Stack asked if it was his wife in the car, and Will didn’t miss the opportunity to ask if she should show off her skills as well. “Want to do it as a duet?” Monifa wasn’t quite ready, so Stack continued complimenting Will while he improvised, “Oh, oh! Livin’ on a tank of gas! Livin’…for…the…gas…whoa!”
Other customers at the station began gathering to see where the “pumpcast” was set up. Perhaps they’ll get lucky too. But it was Monifa who Stack and the gang had their sights on. And somehow, they convinced her.
“‘Sweet Dreams’ by the Eurythmics!” she says boldly. Stack gets the words up on his laptop, shows them to the camera, and away she goes. “Sweet dreams are made of these / Who am I to disagree / I travel the world and the seven seas / Everybody’s looking for something…” Like her husband, she is 100 percent on key and outstanding. Will chimes in every once in a while (especially on the “Hold your head up / Keep your head up” part), and they finish perfectly.
It’s then that Stack informs them enthusiastically, “You’re gonna be on Jay Leno on The Tonight Show.” Now what started out as an unusually awesome day just got even better. They both scream with delight, “Oh yeah! Tell Bon Jovi I love him!”
The pair did joyously make it onto The Tonight Show, wherein Leno admits, “It almost seems like a plant. We had no idea these people would come to the tank.” Monifa jokes there’s no way she could have known ahead of time, because she’d have prepared. “I wouldn’t have looked like that! That wasn’t my best look after working out.”
Leno asked how long the couple had been married. They answered, “Twelve years this year!” They then shouted out their daughter in the audience. Of course, the appearance wouldn’t have been complete without a song. This time, they got an entire band backing their duet rendition of “Livin’ on a Prayer.” Once again, it was absolute perfection.
People are loving the viral revival
The original clip is making the rounds once more, and, as one might imagine, social media is loving it.
On YouTube, it continues to spark joy. “I come back to this video every so often for the past few years…always puts a smile on my face,” one person wrote. “This couple is so cool and down to earth…not bad singers either.”
One fan on Facebook wrote, “This couple will be retired, 90 years of age, re-watching this beautiful clip on some new platform. This is LOVE right there.”
Where are they now?
That prediction seems to be true so far. Upworthy had the chance to chat with Monifa, who gave us a bit more information about that fateful day.
“It happened in Burbank, California, where, believe it or not, lots of good things used to happen like this, so it was not uncommon at all,” she said. She shared that it was a no-brainer to take the challenge. “We’re always up for a good time, so a good time paired with a free tank of gas was easy.”
She said the virality of it was surprising:
“We were absolutely shocked about how viral it went and still continues to be. That was made 12 years ago. It was on the cusp of YouTube becoming really big. There was no Instagram or TikTok. Once it was over, we went home and didn’t even think twice about it until The Tonight Show reached out to us about how funny they thought it was. I always say editing really helped it to be funny, but obviously, you can only edit what you have.”
As for where they are now? Still happily together and working.
“I am a host on QVC. Will is bicoastal (works in LA a few months of the year, so he travels back and forth). Most exciting? Right now, we are in our year of 25! We are celebrating 25 years of marriage in July, but we have been celebrating all year long. We started off the year with an amazing trip to Phuket, Thailand, and Bali! We will be celebrating more this year with friends and family as well.”
They’re creating more consistent content and trying to grow their brand. “I wrote a cookbook,” Monifa shares, referring to Life in Full Flavor. And as for their karaoke songs? “They really have not changed, but we sing a little bit of everything to keep it spicy!”
Vincint Cannady, who uses they/them pronouns, recently opened up about the grieving process a year after losing their mother. On the podcast Tell Me Something Messy, the musician explains that the loss of their mother came four years after the death of their father. “It is the strangest feeling not having them here,” Cannady says.
Losing a loved one is an unfortunate part of life that most people will experience. No two people grieve the same, but some things about grief remain consistent for everyone. Grief is not linear, and it can show up unexpectedly. But for viewers of the podcast, Cannady’s analogy about grief moved some to tears.
Admittedly, the grieving child did not create the analogy, but read it somewhere and found it helpful. The singer explains that losing your parents takes away a certain amount of joy that you don’t realize until you experience it.
“I read something the other day that I thought was really beautiful,” Cannady says. “Grief is like glitter. I don’t know about you, but I hate glitter. It’s lovely at first in small doses, but like grief, you don’t know when it’s coming. You don’t know how much of it is going to be there, but like glitter, glitter gets everywhere.”
They go on to explain that, like after coming into contact with glitter, you find grief everywhere. “It comes in doses, and you’re overwhelmed, and you hate it, and you want to get it off, and you don’t know how to, but it’s there.”
As time passes, the person wearing the glitter showers some of it away, but some still remains. No matter how much you try to rid yourself of it, glitter still shows up. The same goes for grief. No matter how much you try to rid yourself of grief, it still pops up in unexpected places.
It’s then that Cannady shares something beautiful. After fighting with the sticky, sparkly grief for what feels like an eternity, it’s not as present.
“And then days pass, and weeks pass, and months pass,” Cannady tells the podcast host, Brandon Kyle Goodman. “And then someday you’re in your closet, and you pull out a coat or a jacket, and a bit of glitter falls on your hand, and you get sad because you remember what that glitter means. But it’s not as heavy as it was before, and it’s not as messy as it was before.”
As time passes, glitter is found less often. However, Cannady explains that glitter is part of you now: “Even though it is annoying at times, and sometimes it gets in your eye, but you get it out, and you move on. You remain shiny. It’s just a remembrance of a lot of love.”
The singer shares advice for those experiencing grief, saying that people should give themselves grace. They encourage others not to focus on how other people feel about how you feel about your grief. Grieving is personal, but talking about it with others is therapeutic, according to Cannady. They share that pouring grief into other things, like work or creativity, can be helpful.
“You have to find ways to pour your grief into other things,” they advise. “You pour your grief into your work. You pour your grief into life. You pour your grief into your friends and your relationships, and you make sure that they know how much it means to you. Because it’s not just grief, because before it was grief, it was love. It’s still love. It’s just love in absence.”
When the clip was shared to Instagram, people were moved to tears.
One person comments, “Whew, and just like that — my glitter is back.”
“Whew, I think I have a piece of glitter in my eye because…. I lost my father in July and it truly changes you,” someone else writes.
“I remember I couldn’t say my mom died out loud,” another person shares. “If I did, I would burst into tears. It felt too real!! Saying it out loud almost 2 1/2 years later, it still feels unreal, but it doesn’t hurt as much. I still cry a little while saying it.”
