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Man discovers his grandfather had a beautiful relationship with a famed Broadway composer

An old record allowed the families to connect.

samaan ashrawi, john kander, twitter

Sama'an Ashrawi and his grandpa Dave. Years later, Ashrawi met John Kander, his grandpa's college boyfriend.

You never forget your first love. Even if it doesn't last, it leaves an indelible mark on you. Sama'an Ashrawi, a writer, artist and host of the podcast The Nostalgia Mixtape, discovered just how true that statement is. In a Twitter thread, Ashrawi details a discovery he made about his grandpa's past romantic life. It goes to show that while we may know a lot about our elders, there's always something new to learn.

"My Grandpa Dave told me he was sure he was gay when he was moving into his dorm room freshman year of college and there was a boy 'with the prettiest eyes;' after Grandpa passed, I learned from my mother who that boy was," the first tweet of the thread reads.


Ashrawi reveals that the boy was named John Kander. If the name isn't familiar to you, I assure you, you know who he is. Kander, along with his creative partner Fred Ebb, wrote the music to some well-known musicals, including "Cabaret," and "Chicago." They also wrote the song "New York, New York," which became a staple song for Frank Sinatra after originally being sung by Liza Minnelli.

In a special episode of The Nostalgia Mixtape, Ashrawi explains that his grandpa Dave and Kander were boyfriends during their time studying at Oberlin Conservatory of Music. And when he was little, he remembered his grandpa sitting down at the piano to play songs from "Cabaret." While at the time he didn't know the emotional significance and deep connection his grandpa had to the music, he says that knowing what he knows now adds a certain "romantic" element to the piano playing.

"It's kind of like when you're in love, and you're far away from the one you love and you look up at the moon and you imagine that maybe they're looking at it at the same time as me," he said.

He then fast-forwards to the pandemic and how it led him to make an interesting revelation about his grandpa Dave's relationship with Kander.

"I had been stuck in the house for about a year," he begins. "There was this one bookcase that I walked by almost every single day, and this particular time I was walking by, I noticed something that for some reason, I had never seen before."

He found a 7" vinyl record, and "everything on the label was written in pencil." The title "Our Boy" was on the label, as well as the year the record was pressed—1951. The composer? None other than John Kander, his grandpa's old boyfriend.

"My mom told me it was a song John had written for Grandpa. I put the record on and listened … some very moody piano solos, it sounded theatrical. I needed to know more. I went online, was John even still alive? To my amazement, the answer was yes! 94 years old," he tweeted in the thread.

Ashrawi felt that Kander's email address wouldn't just be floating around the internet, but after some good ol' internet sleuthing, he discovered that Kander's great-nephew, Jason Kander, is a politician in Missouri. So he slid into the younger Kander's DMs, telling him about his discovery of "Our Boy" and hoping for some more insight and stories about John Kander's relationship with his grandpa Dave.

"Two days later, I had an email from John Kander," he said on the podcast.

He revealed that "Our Boy" wasn't just a song; it was a full one-act musical that Kander had written with the intention of it being a star vehicle for Grandpa Dave. "It was a play about a boxer grappling with the existential feelings of defeat," he tweeted, including a photo of a newspaper clipping featuring the show. Kander also shared some photos from the show that Ashrawi and his family had never seen. He described seeing the images as "beautiful."

On the podcast, he explains that Kander extended an invitation for a meeting if he ever found himself in New York City. "So I went to New York," he says, the theme Kander had written playing in the background. Ashrawi, his mom and one of his sisters had lunch with Kander. His mom hadn't seen Kander since she was a little girl!

After talking to Kander, Ashrawi gained a newfound understanding of his grandpa and the time they had been living in. It was an era when being openly gay could literally ruin your life, and it was clear that being an actor must have gaven him a sense of freedom he couldn't have in real life. Playing another character allowed him to put his own troubles aside for a little while and be free. Kander revealed that the theater was the most special place for he and Dave.

Even though they went in very different life directions (Ashrawi revealed his grandpa became a doctor), it's clear that their time together left a deeply beautiful mark on both of their lives.

via Mattew Barra/Pexels
There's one word you can't say on a cruise ship.

There are some things you just don't say. You don't yell out "bomb!" on an airplane, make jokes about carrying weapons while going through security, or, as Michael Scott from The Office knows, loudly proclaim that a boat you're currently on is sinking.

Those are all pretty obvious examples, but sometimes etiquette and decorum are a little more subtle. If you're not experienced in the ways of the venue you're in, you might not know all the unspoken rules. And you might find out the hard way. Cruise ships, for example, have their own very specific set of rules and regulations that guests should abide by.

On December 10, 2023, Royal Caribbean’s Serenade of the Seas set sail on the Ultimate World Cruise—a 274-day global trek that visits 11 world wonders and over 60 countries.


cruise, 9-month cruise, Marc Sebastian, cruise life, vacation, titanic, unspoken rules, etiquette, cruise etiquette, royal caribbean 9 months is a very long time to be aboard a boat, even a giant cruise ship. Photo by Peter Hansen on Unsplash

This incredible trip covered the Americas, Asia Pacific, Middle East, Mediterranean and Europe with a ticket price that ranges from $53,999 to $117,599 per passenger.

With such a unique and incredible offering, it's understandable that Royal Caribbean wanted to invite plenty of influencers to help them get the word out.

Aboard the Serenade to the Seas was popular TikToker Marc Sebastian, who documented his experience throughout the journey. In one video with over 4.3 million views, he revealed what he’s learned over his first few weeks aboard the ship; the biggest was the one word you’re not allowed to say.

"So here's [what] I've learned about cruising since I've spent 18 nights on this floating retirement home with a Cheesecake Factory attached. First, number one, you're not supposed to talk about the Titanic," he says in the clip.

Titanic! It's the ultimate taboo when you're on a giant ship traversing the ocean. Even after all these years, it's still too soon to make even lighthearted comparisons or jokes.

@marcsebastianf

someone get whoopi on the line girl i have some goss for her #ultimateworldcruise #worldcruise #serenadeoftheseas #cruisetok #cruise #9monthcruise #titanic

“Who knew that? I didn’t,” Sebastian said. “I brought it up to an entire room of people having lunch that our ship is only 100 feet longer than the Titanic — when I tell you that utensils dropped. Waiters gasped. It’s dead silent.”

Sebastian was flabbergasted. "It wasn't in the... handbook," he joked. "Not that I read the handbook, clearly."

After the unexpected reaction, his cruise friend told him, “You’re not allowed to talk about the Titanic.” It makes sense.

Who wants to be reminded of the tragedy that killed around 1,500 people while sinking one of the most impressive engineering feats of the era? More experienced cruisers chimed in that they were familiar with the unique piece of etiquette.

cruise, 9-month cruise, Marc Sebastian, cruise life, vacation, titanic, unspoken rules, etiquette, cruise etiquette, royal caribbean Pro tip: Don't ask the band on board to play "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion Giphy

"When I went on a cruise, my mom told me saying Titanic was equivalent to screaming ‘bomb’ at an airport," Mikayla wrote in the comments.

"It’s like saying Macbeth in a theatre, it’s an unspoken rule" another commenter added.

"I’m sorry you’re telling me you had a Harry Potter like experience saying Voldemort at Hogwarts but it was the titanic on a modern day cruise I’m cryingggg" joked another.

Later in the video covering little known cruise facts, Sebastian admits he was surprised to learn that cruise ships have godmothers and that the pools are filled with seawater.

In an update from June of 2024, Sebastian explains that he only stayed on the cruise for 18 nights. He was not booked to stay throughout the entire voyage, and for him, that was a relief.

He initially jokes that he was kicked off the boat for saving a penguin that had jumped aboard. But in the end, he admits he was more than happy to deboard early.

"I walked off that ship not a happy man," he said, saying the ship was overstimulating and stressful. In another video, he films as the ship navigates the Drake Passage, one of the most notoriously dangerous and choppy stretches of water in the world. It looks stressful indeed, to say the least.

Cruising isn't for everyone, let alone for 274 days straight! But now Sebastian knows the golden rule for his next cruise.

This story originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

Parenting

8 baby names have officially hit 'gender neutral' status, with several more on the cusp

Some surprising names are now split 50/50 among baby boys and girls.

Baby names are moving toward more gender neutrality.

When people come up with names for their children, they often choose them based on the baby's gender (based on sex at birth). Many families will have a list of boy names and girl names at the ready, but it's all a little precarious because what constitutes a gender-specific name is constantly changing.

For instance, the name Avery has seen a dramatic shift in gendered use over the past century or so. According to Social Security Administration data, Avery was 100% a boy's name in 1880. By 1999, it was being used for girls 52% of the time (basically gender-neutral), and by 2018, Avery was being used for girls 97% of the time. Clearly, a boy's name, a girl's name, or an unisex name depends entirely upon the age in which you live.

baby names, naming children, boy names, girl names, gender neutral names, unisex names Some names are split exactly 50/50 between boys and girls. Photo credit: Canva

So, where are we with all of this in 2025? After analyzing the tens of thousands of baby name registrations on its website, BabyCenter has listed eight new names under the officially gender-neutral umbrella, meaning 50% of babies registered with this name are girls and 50% are boys.

8 baby names that became totally gender neutral in 2025

Blake

A name with two opposing meanings feels pretty appropriate for a unisex name. From the Old English blaec, Blake means "black," and from the Old English blac, it means "white" or "pale."

blake lively, blake, gender neutral name, unisex name, baby names Blake is officially a unisex name. Giphy

Jojo

Jojo can be a nickname for any name that starts with "Jo," like Jonathan ("God has given") or Joanne ("God is gracious").

Jules

Aside from taking inspiration from Jules Verne, Jules can be a nickname for Julian or Julia, both of which have roots in Latin related to Jupiter.

Koi

Yep, like the fish. Koi is a Japanese name that means carp, but it also means "love."

koi, fish, carp, gender neutral name, the name koi Koi is used as a name for boys and girls in equal measure. Giphy

Landry

Landry means "ruler of the land," and also "laundry," but let's assume most parents are going with the former.

Robin

The backyard bird, yes. But Robin is also an archaic nickname for Robert, which means "bright, famous one."

Sidney

Sidney (which can also be spelled like the Australian city of Sydney, which is more common for girls) means "dweller by the well-watered land" in Old English.

sidney, sydney, gender neutral, sidney poitier, baby names From Sidney Poitier to Sidney Sweeney, Sidney is an androgynous name. Giphy

Sri

Sri is a Sanskrit name that is sometimes used as an honorific in Hindi culture. It has a few meanings, including "light, beauty, and prosperity," and "power and royal majesty."

Some might note that a few of these names—Robin and Sidney in particular—have been functionally gender-neutral for a long time. Others on the list are not very common in American culture, so they may not feel like names that were ever gendered to begin with. But the data says what the data says, and this is where we are in 2025.

baby names, naming children, boy names, girl names, gender neutral names, unisex names Some names have moved away from gender specificity.Photo credit: Canva

The popular baby site has also shared a handful of names that are on the cusp of being 50/50 but not quite there:

Armani (47% girls, 53% boys)

Ashtyn (46% girls, 54% boys)

Callaway (47% girls, 53% boys)

Georgie (53% girls, 47% boys)

Huntley (48% girls, 52% boys)

Jae (47% girls, 53% boys)

Rory (49% girls, 51% boys)

Shiloh (52% girls, 48% boys)

Tatum (44% girls, 56% boys)

Yuri (49% girls, 51% boys)

baby names, naming children, boy names, girl names, gender neutral names, unisex names What makes a name gender specific?Photo credit: Canva

What causes names to shift away from gender specificity?

Names being gendered is purely a social construct, so it's not like there are any actual rules at play here. But like many naming trends, popular culture and entertainment can influence what names are considered masculine, feminine, or unisex.

Let's go back to Avery, for example. Avery is a variation of Alfred and was solely a boy's name in the late 1800s. But it wasn't a popular name for either gender until the 1990s, when it started to rise for boys in 1992 and then skyrocketed for girls in 1996. What caused the big spike for girls? Best guess is the film "Jerry Maguire," which had a female character (Tom Cruise's girlfriend in the beginning, played by Kelly Preston) named Avery. That movie came out in 1996, and that's also the year the name took off for girls in the U.S. Coincidence, perhaps, but probably not.

scrubs, elliott, sarah chalke, gender neutral name, unisex name Elliott didn't take off as a girl's name like it could have. Giphy

Then again, the popular TV show Scrubs, which ran from 2001 to 2010, had a central female character named Elliott, and that didn't seem to lead to an uptick in girls named Elliott. In fact, Elliott didn't even register statistically for girls until 2013 (though maybe people streaming the show did make a delayed impact).

Whether it's the influence of entertainment, shifts in gender theory, or parents moving away from name uniformity, gender-neutral names are on the rise. It will be interesting to see how many other traditionally gendered names move toward the middle in the coming years.

You can view the full report on unisex names on BabyCenter here.

All GIFs and images via Exposure Labs.

Photographer James Balog and his crew were hanging out near a glacier when their camera captured something extraordinary. They were in Greenland, gathering footage from the time-lapse they'd positioned all around the Arctic Circle for the last several years.

They were also there to shoot scenes for a documentary. And while they were hoping to capture some cool moments on camera, no one expected a huge chunk of a glacier to snap clean off and slide into the ocean right in front of their eyes.


science, calving, glaciers

A glacier falls into the sea.

assets.rebelmouse.io

ocean swells, sea level, erosion, going green

Massive swells created by large chunks of glacier falling away.

assets.rebelmouse.io

It was the largest such event ever filmed.

For nearly an hour and 15 minutes, Balog and his crew stood by and watched as a piece of ice the size of lower Manhattan — but with ice-equivalent buildings that were two to three times taller than that — simply melted away.

geological catastrophe, earth, glacier melt

A representation demonstrating the massive size of ice that broke off into the sea.

assets.rebelmouse.io

As far as anyone knows, this was an unprecedented geological catastrophe and they caught the entire thing on tape. It won't be the last time something like this happens either.

But once upon a time, Balog was openly skeptical about that "global warming" thing.

Balog had a reputation since the early 1980s as a conservationist and environmental photographer. And for nearly 20 years, he'd scoffed at the climate change heralds shouting, "The sky is falling! The sky is falling!"

"I didn't think that humans were capable of changing the basic physics and chemistry of this entire, huge planet. It didn't seem probable, it didn't seem possible," he explained in the 2012 documentary film "Chasing Ice."

There was too much margin of error in the computer simulations, too many other pressing problems to address about our beautiful planet. As far as he was concerned, these melodramatic doomsayers were distracting from the real issues.

That was then.

Greenland, Antarctica, glacier calving

The glacier ice continues to erode away.

assets.rebelmouse.io

In fact, it wasn't until 2005 that Balog became a believer.

He was sent on a photo expedition of the Arctic by National Geographic, and that first northern trip was more than enough to see the damage for himself.

"It was about actual tangible physical evidence that was preserved in the ice cores of Greenland and Antarctica," he said in a 2012 interview with ThinkProgress. "That was really the smoking gun showing how far outside normal, natural variation the world has become. And that's when I started to really get the message that this was something consequential and serious and needed to be dealt with."

Some of that evidence may have been the fact that more Arctic landmass has melted away in the last 20 years than the previous 10,000 years.

Watch the video of the event of the glacier calving below:

This article originally appeared 10 years ago.

Make delayed gratification a habit, not a chore.

There are two types of people in this world: people who impulse buy and people with superhuman willpower.

Does this sound familiar? You’re tapping through Instagram stories, and it appears. A cropped t-shirt starring Hello Kitty as a teeny, kitten-sized tomato, ripe and still on the vine. It’s the crop top of your dreams.

Or is it? Perhaps the fact that it’s currently 2 a.m. and the melatonin you took 15 minutes ago is starting to whisper things like “Buy it,” or “You need that shirt,” to you—not kismet.

(Spoiler alert: it’s the latter.)


shirt, impulse buy, decision making, shopping, hello kitty You must resist the urge to impulse buy. Credit: www.sanrio.com

Here’s the thing: 84% of us have been there. We’ve all made purchases that seemed brilliant at midnight and embarrassing by morning. In fact, 40% of all e-commerce spending comes from spontaneous snap purchases.

But what if I told you that buyer’s remorse, or impulse buying, could be eliminated with a single rule that requires zero brain power?

Say hello to the 30/30 rule, a surprisingly simple technique that’s helping millions of people break the impulse-buying cycle and mend their relationship with money.

Meet the guys who figured it out

Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus were your classic American success disasters. After enduring tough childhoods—each scarred by an unstable home life and substance abuse—they climbed up the corporate ladder, and at just 28, had made it.

Millburn became the youngest director in his company’s 140-year history, expertly managing 150 retail stores. Meanwhile, Nicodermus thrived in sales and marketing. With substantial six-figure salaries, they indulged their every whim, fancy, and desire. Luxury cars, designer wardrobes, flashy watches that cost more than most single-family homes. This was the life, right?

Nope.

They were also miserable, drowning in debt, and working 80-hour weeks.

- YouTube Credit: www.youtube.com

The wake-up call came in 2009 when Millburn’s mom died of lung cancer and his marriage fell apart in the same month. While going through his mother’s house,, he donated everything instead of renting a storage unit for her belongings. He let go.

This was the moment that changed everything.

Nicodermus saw the profound changes Millburn experienced after finding minimalism, then started his own journey. Inspired by minimalist bloggers like Colin Wright, Leo Babauta, and Joshua Becker, the two launched The Minimalists.

At the time, the website provided them an outlet to document their transformation and give tips to people on how to live more intentionally. Since then, they’ve published bestselling books on minimalism, produced multiple Emmy-nominated Netflix documentaries, and built a worldwide community of millions of people seeking a way out of compulsive consumption.

The 30/30 rule (it’s delightfully simple)

Ready for this earth-shattering revelation? If something costs more than $30, wait 30 hours before buying it. If it’s over $100, wait 30 days.

Is that it?

Yep. No apps that track your spending, no complicated budgeting spreadsheets, no vision boards, or empty promises to yourself that you’ll “do better next time.”


shopping, man, impulse buying, decision making, purchasing A man who didn't use the 30/30 rule. Photo credit: Canva

Also called the “Wait for It Rule,” this deliberate delay creates space between the initial impulse to buy and the actual purchase.

“If something I want costs more than $30, I ask myself whether I can get by without it for the next 30 hours,” Millburn explains. “This extra time helps me assess whether or not this new thing will add value to my life.”

Of course, there are caveats. This rule only applies to non-essential items, including decorations, clothing, games, cosmetics, and gadgets. Groceries, cleaning supplies, and life requirements don’t count. Go ahead and buy that toilet paper.

Why it works, from a psychological standpoint

Here’s what is going on in your brain: 95% of purchase decisions happen subconsciously, often driven by emotional states rather than logical reasoning. It’s like that Ariana Grande song, “7 Rings.”

“I see it, I like it, I want it, I got it,” she sings.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

When we see something we want, our brain’s reward center (the limbic system) floods with dopamine before our logical brain even shows up to the party. How convenient.

“Early research suggests that stress exposure influences basic neural circuits involved in reward processing and learning while also biasing decisions towards habit and modulating our propensity to engage in risk-taking,” explains Anthony J. Porcelli and Mauricio R. Delagado in their landmark research paper, “Stress and Decision Making: Effects on Valuation, Learning, and Risk-taking.”

The 30/30 rule basically forces your brain to experience something it despises: delayed gratification. It’s the ability to resist immediate rewards for larger, long-term gratification. By not acting on impulse, your prefrontal cortex (the responsible adult part of your brain) has a moment to chat with the limbic system (the reward center, which is acting like an impulsive toddler with a credit card).

Whether it’s days or hours, a few important things happen during this wind-down period.

  • Emotional cooling, and the initial excitement fades.
  • Value assessment, in which you have the time to genuinely evaluate whether or not this item will add something meaningful to your life.
  • Pattern recognition, a.k.a. the “Aha!” moment. You recognize that the purchase was triggered by stress, boredom, or Instagram, and build greater self-awareness.

The bigger picture

No one is asking you to become a monk or live an ascetic life and own only three things—the 30/30 rule challenges you to buy with intention instead of impulse. The rule works because it creates space between wanting something and having it—space where you remember your actual priorities.

So, the next time you’re about to use Apple Pay to buy fake currency on a phone game, try this. Close the app. Set an alert for 30 hours from now. See what happens.

Most likely, you’ll realize that you never needed it all. And if you still want it after waiting? Woohoo! Go for it, buy it guilt-free knowing it was a choice, not a reaction.

The best purchases, it turns out, are often the ones we don’t make.

Humor

Roommate creates 'emotionally hostile refrigerator' to stop snack thief. It's genius.

He turned "the fridge into a surveillance horror movie to stop my food from vanishing."

Roommate creates 'emotionally hostile refrigerator' to stop snack thief

Some things are just universally frustrating. At the top of that list is likely looking forward to eating something delicious you stored in the refrigerator, only to find it missing. Whether this happens in a communal fridge at work, a dorm room, or at home with your family, the experience is equally frustrating and disappointing.

One person has been dealing with this very scenario: he noticed his snacks and other food disappearing from the shared refrigerator. No, a mouse hadn't figured out how to raid the refrigerator—but it would've been a more understandable culprit. Turns out the man's roommate had been helping himself to food items he did not purchase. We aren't talking about community items like milk or coffee creamer. The missing food includes items like leftovers and personal snacks.

roommate issues; roommate steals food; snack thief; taking food; roommate trouble; emotionally hostile refigerator Craving dilemma: donuts vs. healthy snacks.Photo credit: Canva

The man initially shared his frustrating situation on the Reddit thread, r/AITA, after his roommate took offense to his solution. What was the solution? Well, feeling like he was out of options after directly speaking to the roommate and labeling food that belonged to him, the man devised a plan. To get the inconsiderate roommate to stop eating everything in the fridge, the man turned to Googly eyes. He put Googly eyes on everything in the refrigerator that belonged to him in hopes it would deter the sneaky snacker. His plan worked, but the snacking roommate's comments about his solution had the man wondering if he crossed a line.

"My roommate eats everything. I’ll buy a pack of cheese sticks, and they’re gone by morning. I asked nicely, then labeled stuff. No change. So I got creative: I bought a pack of stick-on googly eyes and put them on everything. Milk? Eyes. Leftover spaghetti? Judging you. Even taped one to a banana. It worked. He said it 'creeped him out' and he stopped eating my stuff," he shared in the forum.

roommate issues; roommate steals food; snack thief; taking food; roommate trouble; emotionally hostile refigerator Man puzzled by a googly-eyed potato in the fridge.Photo credit: Canva

He went on to say that his roommate described his googly-eye trick as passive-aggressive, likening him to "creating an emotionally hostile refrigerator." Who knew kitchen appliances could be so openly ruthless to late-night snack bandits? Overwhelmingly, people agreed that the master of the googly eyes is not the bad guy in this situation.

"That phrase is pure gold. Roommate sounds like he's got some serious food guilt if googly eyes make him feel judged," someone says.

"It's not 'passive-aggressive' if you discussed the problem in person and asked him to stop, and he ignored you. You just got creative in how to address it. I can't think why it worked, but since it did, more power to you. Tell him if he agrees not ever to eat your labeled food, and doesn't, you'll restore the refrigerator to its pre-surveillance condition, unless and until he starts stealing food again." Another person writes.

roommate issues; roommate steals food; snack thief; taking food; roommate trouble; emotionally hostile refigerator Judgmental banknote: "Put the leftovers back, Bill!"Photo credit: Canva

'Did he use the phrase "emotionally hostile refrigerator"? Really? Because it makes him too uncomfortable to steal your food? I'd have laughed his sorry butt right out the door," someone else quipped.

One person suggests upping the ante, commenting, "Put the eyes everywhere. Under the toilet seat. On the front door. On the stairs."

"Act surprised when they are pointed out to you," someone else adds, writing, "'I only did the ones in the fridge, I don’t know where those are coming from.' Or pretend you don’t even see them."

roommate issues; roommate steals food; snack thief; taking food; roommate trouble; emotionally hostile refigerator feel fridge GIF Giphy

People could not get over the phrase "emotionally hostile refrigerator" and encouraged more shenanigans to make the fridge live up to its new name. Someone suggested making angry eyebrows above the eyes, while others offered turning them into smiley faces with conversation bubbles. Other people thought making a sign for the refrigerator door that warned that it was emotionally hostile would be fitting. Since the googly eyes seem to be doing the trick, it doesn't seem like they'll be going away any time soon.

This serves as a reminder that it's always best practice to ask before eating something that isn't yours, even if it's inside a shared refrigerator. If not, you may find yourself feeling like somebody's watching you.