Eleanor Roosevelt lived a one-of-a-kind life that included her role as first lady of the United States. Born in 1884, she became a prominent figure in American politics and culture.
She was also a prolific writer and penned a syndicated newspaper column called “My Day” six days a week from 1935 until her death in 1962.
In it, she shared the wisdom and advice she had gathered throughout her life. In one column from 1943, Roosevelt offered her confidence-building advice:
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
Roosevelt’s insightful wisdom centers on separating self-worth from the opinions and perceptions of others and instead turning inward to find value and confidence. Her advice came years after surviving a traumatic childhood and undergoing her own self-discovery.
Roosevelt’s personal struggle with confidence
Roosevelt had a tumultuous upbringing. Her mother died of diphtheria when she was only eight years old, and less than two years later, her father died due to depression and alcoholism. She was orphaned by age 10, and Roosevelt’s grandmother, Mary Hall, became her guardian.
Roosevelt also grew up feeling self-conscious about her appearance and serious demeanor, according to a short biography published by The George Washington University’s Eleanor Roosevelt Papers Project.
She was given many nicknames, including “Granny,” “very plain,” and “old-fashioned.” Roosevelt once wrote, “I was a solemn child without beauty. I seemed like a little old woman entirely lacking in the spontaneous joy and mirth of youth.”
Despite these challenges, Roosevelt found her sense of worth and confidence through education. Her grandmother sent her overseas in 1899, when she was 15, to attend Allenswood Academy in London. It was there that she discovered her gift for forming friendships and her love of learning.
In her autobiography, Roosevelt wrote that she developed “confidence and independence,” adding that she was “totally without fear in this new phase of my life.”
Roosevelt also wrote about battling people-pleasing. “I was always afraid of something: of the dark, of displeasing people, of failure. Anything I accomplished had to be done across a barrier of fear,” she wrote.
Tips for building self-worth and confidence
Building confidence and self-worth is a difficult process that may require intentional effort. Zack Goldman, a psychotherapist and founder of Solid Ground Psychotherapy, shares three helpful tips for anyone struggling with feelings of inferiority:
Stop treating confidence like a prerequisite for action
Goldman explains that one of the biggest misconceptions about confidence is that people think they need to feel confident before doing something difficult.
“In reality, confidence is usually built afterward through repeated experiences of taking action despite discomfort,” he told Upworthy. “Start with small, manageable risks because every time you prove to yourself that you can tolerate uncertainty, rejection, or imperfection, yourself trust grows.”
Pay attention to how you speak to yourself during difficult moments
“Many people unknowingly reinforce low self-worth through constant self-criticism, especially when they make mistakes or feel emotionally overwhelmed,” Goldman said.
He explains that instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” try asking, “What would I say to someone I care about in this situation?”
“Learning to respond to yourself with more fairness and compassion helps create a more stable sense of worth that is not dependent on constant achievement or external validation,” he added.
Build a life that reflects your values, not just other people’s expectations
According to Goldman, people often lose confidence when they spend too much time trying to meet standards that do not actually align with who they are.
“Self-worth becomes much stronger when your decisions, relationships, and goals reflect your own values rather than approval seeking,” he said. “Even small choices that move you toward a more authentic version of yourself can create a deeper sense of confidence and internal stability over time.”
