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35 Shakespearean insults to take down your enemies and crack up your friends

Nobody beefs like The Bard.

William Shakespeare portrait
Public domain (attributed to John Taylor)

Even 460 years later, Shakespeare's insults are zingers.


As history's most famous poet and playwright, William Shakespeare had a way with words. His sonnets have been memorized and recited by innumerable students—"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?"—and his comedies and tragedies have been adapted and performed on stage and film countless times in the 460 years since his passing.

But one place Shakespeare's talent shines the most—or at least entertains the most—is in his insults. The colorful characters he created frequently throw verbal barbs across the stage at one another, and they're still epic zingers, even today.

Insults take many styles and forms, from friendly ribbing to subtle jabs to roundabout roasts to direct hits, and Shakespeare utilized them all. And the beauty of playing with The Bard's insults in the modern day is that you can use them to confound people you have a beef with as well as crack up your friends in playful banter.

Imagine telling the person who won't stop pestering you, "Away, you three-inch fool!" Or saying to your bestie who drank the soda you were saving, "You scullion! You rampallian! You fustilarian! I’ll tickle your catastrophe!” Or calling to your slowpoke kiddos in your best English accent, “Come, come, you froward and unable worms!”

There's just loads of fun to be had with Shakespearean insults, so choose some favorites to commit to memory and whip out unexpectedly when the occasion arises:

1. "How now, thou crusty batch of nature!"

– Troilus and Cressida (Act 5, scene 1)

2. “I’ll beat thee, but I would infect my hands.”

Timon of Athens (Act 4, Scene 3)

3. "Thine face is not worth sunburning.”

Henry V (Act 5, Scene 2)

4. “Thou lump of foul deformity”

Richard III (Act 1, Scene 2)

5. “Thou subtle, perjur’d, false, disloyal man!”

The Two Gentlemen of Verona (Act 4, Scene 2)

6. “Thou whoreson zed, thou unnecessary letter!”

King Lear (Act 2, Scene 2 )

7. “That poisonous bunch-back’d toad!”

Richard III (Act 1, Scene 3)

8. “Thou damned and luxurious mountain goat.”

Henry V (Act 4, Scene 4)

9. “Thou elvish-mark’d, abortive, rooting hog!”

Richard III (Act 1, Scene 3 )

10. “Thou sodden-witted lord! Thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows “

Troilus and Cressida (Act 2, Scene 1)

11. "Would thou wert clean enough to spit upon."

Timon of Athens (Act 4, Scene 3)

12. "You, minion, are too saucy."

The Two Gentlemen of Verona (Act 1 Scene 2)

13. "I do desire we may be better strangers."

As You Like It (Act 3, Scene 2)

14. "I am sick when I do look on thee."

A Midsummer Night's Dream (Act 2, Scene 1)

15. "Thou damned and luxurious mountain goat."

Henry V (Act 4, Scene 4)

16. "His wit’s as thick as a Tewkesbury mustard."

Henry IV Part 2 (Act 2, Scene 4)

"Thou leathern-jerkin, crystal-button, knot-pated, agatering, puke-stocking, caddis-garter, smooth-tongue, Spanish pouch!"

Henry IV Part 1 (Act 2, Scene 4)

17. "Thy tongue outvenoms all the worms of Nile."

Cymbeline (Act 3, Scene 4)

18. "Let’s meet as little as we can."

As You Like It (Act 3, Scene 2)

19. "He has not so much brain as ear-wax."

Troilus and Cressida (Act 5, Scene 1)

20. "Thou art a boil, a plague sore, an embossed carbuncle in my corrupted blood."

King Lear (Act 2, Scene 2)

21. "I do wish thou were a dog, that I might love thee."

Timon of Athens (Act 4, Scene 4)

22. "That kiss is as comfortless as frozen water to a starved snake."

Titus Andronicus (Act 3, Scene 1)

23. "Truly, thou are damned, like an ill-roasted egg, all on one side."

As You Like It (Act 3, Scene 2)

24. “You starvelling, you eel-skin, you dried neat’s-tongue, you bull’s-pizzle, you stock-fish–O for breath to utter what is like thee!-you tailor’s-yard, you sheath, you bow-case, you vile standing tuck!”

Henry IV Part 1 (Act 2, Scene 4)

25. “Heaven truly knows that thou art false as hell”

Othello (Act 4, Scene 2)

26. “Out of my sight! Thou dost infect mine eyes.”

Richard III (Act 1, Scene 2)

27. “Here is the babe, as loathsome as a toad.”

Titus Andronicus (Act 4, Scene 3)

28. “Like the toad; ugly and venomous.”

As You Like It (Act 2, Scene 1`)

29. “I must tell you friendly in your ear, sell when you can, you are not for all markets.”

As You Like It (Act 3 Scene 5)

30. “Thou art unfit for any place but hell.”

Richard III (Act 1 Scene 2)

31. “Methink’st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee.”

All’s Well That Ends Well (Act 2, Scene 3)

32. "Villain, I have done thy mother."

Titus Andronicus (Act 4, Scene 2)

(Yes, Shakespeare really did a "yo mama" joke.)

33. “Away, you three-inch fool! “

The Taming of the Shrew (Act 4, Scene 1)

34. “Come, come, you froward and unable worms!”

The Taming Of The Shrew (Act 5, Scene 2)

35. “You scullion! You rampallian! You fustilarian! I’ll tickle your catastrophe!”

Henry IV Part 2 (Act 2, Scene 1)

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'Wicked' author says one line in 'The Wizard of Oz' inspired Elphaba and Glinda's backstory

Gregory Maguire says he "fell down to the ground" laughing when the idea hit him.

Public domain

The two witches in "The Wizard of Oz" clearly had a history together.

Have you ever watched a movie or read a book or listened to a piece of music and wondered, "How did they come up with that idea?" The creative process is so enigmatic even artists themselves don't always know where their ideas come from, so It's a treat when we get to hear the genesis of a brilliant idea straight from the horse's mouth. If you've watched "Wicked" and wondered where the idea for the friendship between Elphaba (the Wicked Witch) and Glinda (the Good Witch) came from, the author of the book has shared the precise moment it came to him.

The hit movie "Wicked" is based on the 20-year-old hit stage musical, which is based on the novel "Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West" written by Gregory Maguire. While the musical is a simplified version of the 1995 book, the basic storyline—the origin story of the two witches from "The Wizard of Oz"—lies at the heart of both. In an interview with BBC, Maguire explained how Elphaba and Glinda's friendship popped into his head.

 

Maguire was visiting Beatrix Potter's farm in Cumbria, England, and thinking about "The Wizard of Oz," which he had loved as a child and thought could be an interesting basis for a story about evil.

"I thought 'alright, what do we know about 'The Wizard of Oz' from our memories,'" he said. "We have the house falling on the witch. What do we know about that witch? All we know about that witch is that she has feet. So I began to think about Glinda and the Wicked Witch of the West…

 glinda, elphaba, wicked,  In "Wicked," the two Oz witches met as students at Shiz University.  Giphy GIF by Wicked 

"There is one scene in the 1939 film where Billie Burke [Glinda the Good Witch] comes down looking all pink and fluffy, and Margaret Hamilton [the Wicked Witch of the West] is all crawed and crabbed and she says something like, 'I might have known you'd be behind this, Glinda!' This was my memory, and I thought, now why is she using Glinda's first name? They have known each other. Maybe they've known each other for a long time. Maybe they went to college together. And I fell down onto the ground in the Lake District laughing at the thought that they had gone to college together."

In "Wicked," Glinda and the Wicked Witch, Elphaba, meet as students at Shiz University, a school of wizardry. They get placed as roommates, loathe each other at first, but eventually become best friends. The story grows a lot more complicated from there (and the novel goes darker than the stage play), but it's the character development of the two witches and their relationship with one another that force us to examine our ideas about good and evil.

  - YouTube  youtu.be  

 

Maguire also shared with the Denver Center for Performing Arts what had inspired him to use the "Wizard of Oz" characters in the first place.

"I was living in London in the early 1990’s during the start of the Gulf War. I was interested to see how my own blood temperature chilled at reading a headline in the usually cautious British newspaper, the Times of London: 'Sadaam Hussein: The New Hitler?' I caught myself ready to have a fully formed political opinion about the Gulf War and the necessity of action against Sadaam Hussein on the basis of how that headline made me feel. The use of the word Hitler – what a word! What it evokes! When a few months later several young schoolboys kidnapped and killed a toddler, the British press paid much attention to the nature of the crime. I became interested in the nature of evil, and whether one really could be born bad. I considered briefly writing a novel about Hitler but discarded the notion due to my general discomfort with the reality of those times. But when I realized that nobody had ever written about the second most evil character in our collective American subconscious, the Wicked Witch of the West, I thought I had experienced a small moment of inspiration. Everybody in America knows who the Wicked Witch of the West is, but nobody really knows anything about her. There is more to her than meets the eye."

 wizard of oz, wicked witch of the west The Wicked Witch of the West has a story of her own.  Giphy  

Authors and artists—and their ideas—help hold a mirror up to humanity for us to see and reflect on who we are, and "Wicked" is one of those stories that makes us take a hard look at what we're seeing in that mirror. Thanks, Gregory Maguire, for launching us on a collective journey that not only entertains but has the potential to change how we see one another.

This story originally appeared last year.

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Man uses 'garbage' shoes to explain troubling economic trend for middle-class Americans

"These shoes are just the tip of the iceberg."

Photo credit: Canva

Remember things being built to last?

Americans are well aware of shrinkflation, where food companies reduce the sizes of their products while the price remains the same at the grocery store. You see this in fast food restaurants when you pick up a burger and feel like your hand has grown a few inches, and at the supermarket when you buy a box of cookies, it weighs less than it did a few weeks ago. Companies use this strategy when they think you’ll be less likely to notice a dip in quantity than a hike in the price.

We see something similar in the world of retail, particularly fast fashion. Fast fashion offers cheaper garments made from low-quality materials that last about as long as the trend does, so people can throw them away and buy the next hot thing. This can be a real problem because fast fashion harms the environment and leads to exploitative labor practices. And the tough part is—even for the most conscious of consumer, it's hard to escape from.

Here's a prime example of what this looks like in the real world. A few months ago, a TikTokker named Tom (@SideMoneyTom), popular for making videos about consumer products, went viral for a video where he called out shoe manufacturers for dropping their quality while keeping prices high. “So many of you guys want to shoot the messenger, but look, it's not my fault shoes are made out of Styrofoam and oil now,” Tom says in a TikTok with over 528,000 views. “It's literally every shoe you look at now. It's not even just the cheap ones. I can find hundred dollar plus pairs of shoes all day long with glue squeezing out of their Styrofoam cracks.”

 
 @sidemoneytom Replying to @Oscar Magaña shoes are done #fyp #shoes #foryou ♬ original sound - SideMoneyTom 
 
 

Tom notes that recently, shoes have been made with foam soles instead of rubber. Both have pros and cons. Foam is a little more comfortable, but rubber lasts a lot longer. Rubber shoes keep shape and support over time and are much more durable. Conversely, foam shoes compress over time, losing their support and comfort. When companies sell cheaper shoes that wear out more quickly, they make much more money because you must keep replacing them.

In the video, Tom adds that many companies that used to have shoes made with rubber heels, such as Carhartt and Timberland, have switched to foam. This is an interesting choice for brands that pride themselves on selling durable products.

Cora Harrington, a writer and lingerie expert, says that companies aren't entirely to blame. Americans don’t want to pay higher prices. “People don’t exactly want to pay more for all that stuff,” Harrington told Vox. "So what has to happen if everything is more expensive and the customers still want to pay the same price, something has to be cut and that’s often going to be the quality of the garment.”

“There is an entire generation of consumers at this point that doesn’t actually know what high-quality clothing feels like and looks like,” Harrington continues. “It gets easier, I think, for consumers to just not know any better.”

 
 @sidemoneytom Replying to @donkles #shoes #fyp #sketchers #nike ♬ original sound - SideMoneyTom 
 
 

Many commenters have noticed the decline in shoe quality and praised Tom for pointing it out. "I am so happy I’m not the only one who is baffled by shoes being made of styrofoam and then being upcharged for them," one commenter wrote. "When shoes started being named some version of 'Air Light Cloud float,' my thought was it was because they went from quality rubber to cheap foam and less materials,” another commenter added.

Tom believes the decline in shoe quality is an example of a more significant trend affecting American consumers' products: quality is decreasing while prices remain the same. “The quality of everything is going to hell, and the prices are going up," Tom concludes his video. "The problem is, so many of us have just become used to it that we keep buying it, and we basically allow them to dumb down the quality of everything. Everything in our lives. These shoes are just the tip of the iceberg. Start thinking about it in your life. What are you gonna allow to be garbage quality?"

This article originally appeared in March.

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Dad shares the hilarious conversations he has with 5-year-old daughter and folks are cracking up

"Why do people congratulate you when Mom is making the baby?

via James Breakwell/X

All parents have had similar convos with thier kiddos.

Raising kids is tough, but there's a lot of laughs along the way. Especially when actual conversations start, as kids begin trying to make sense out of the world around them, ask questions, and test mommy and daddy's resolve.

Back in 2018, comedy writer and children's book author James Breakwell, with four daughters who were all under the age of eight at the time, shared their hilarious conversations on X. From these tweets, it looks like comedy runs in the family. Here's a sampling of some Breakwell's funniest kid-inspired tweets.

 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 

While Breakwell's 7-year-old wasn't as heavily featured, when she was quoted, the sarcasm was palpable. Which makes sense, considering that kiddos begin understanding this mechanism around that age.

 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 

Kids really do say the darnedest things, and we love them for it. It one of the many, many ways then bring so much joy to the world. It almost makes up for the headaches and sleepless nights, doesn't it.

This article originally appeared seven years ago.

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'Boomer panic' is a real phenomenon, and there's a heartbreaking reason for it

This isn't just young generations bashing the old.

Photo credit: Canva

Boomer panic is real.

In a video posted in September 2023, TikToker @myexistentialdread used the phrase “boomer panic” to explain how baby boomers (1946 to 1964) can quickly become unhinged when faced with the most minor problems. It all started when she visited a Lowe’s hardware store and encountered a boomer-aged woman working at the check-out stand.

“I had a dowel that didn’t have a price tag on it, whatever, so I ran back and took a photo of the price tag. And as I was walking back towards her, I was holding up my phone… because I had multiple dowels and that was the one that didn’t have the price tag on it,” she said in the video. “And she looks at me and she goes, ‘I don’t know which one that is,’ and she starts like, panicking.” The TikToker said that the woman was “screechy, panicking for no reason.”

 older woman upset, boomer reactions, boomer panic Older people can become frustrated over seemingly small things.Photo credit: Canva

Many people raised by boomers understood what she meant by "boomer panic." "Boomer panic is such a good phrase for this! Minor inconvenience straight to panic," the most popular commenter wrote. And while there was some unfortunate boomer-bashing in the comments, some younger people tried to explain why the older folks have such a hard time regulating their emotions: “From conversations with my mother, they weren’t allowed to make mistakes and were harshly punished if they did.” The TikToker responded, “A lot of people mentioned this, and it breaks my heart. I think you’re right,” Myexistentialdread responded.

A follow-up video by YourTango Editor Brian Sundholm tried to explain boomer panic in an empathetic way.

 

“Well, it's likely that there actually was a reason the woman started panicking about a seemingly meaningless problem,” Sundholm said. “Most of us nowadays know the importance of recognizing and feeling our emotions.” Sundholm then quoted therapist Mitzi Bachman, who says that when people bottle up their emotions and refuse to express them, it can result in an "unhinged" reaction.

TikToker Gabi Day shared a similar phenomenon she noticed with her boomer mom; she called the behavior “anxiety-at-you.”

Day’s boomer mother was “reactive,” “nervous,” and “anxious” throughout her childhood. Now, she is still on edge with Day’s children. “She's immediately like gasping and just really like exaggerated physical reactions, and then, of course, that kind of startles my kid,” Day said. “Again, I know that this comes from a place of care. It's just a lot,” she continued.

@itsgabiday

It comes from a place of love but it is exhausting 🫠😬 #millennialmomsoftiktok #boomergrandma #reparenting #gentleparenting

 

There is a significant difference in emotional intelligence and regulation between how boomers were raised and how younger generations, such as Gen X, millennials, and Gen Z, were brought up. Boomers grew up when they had to bottle up their feelings to show their resilience. This can lead to growing anger, frustration with situations and people, chronic stress, and anxiety—all conditions that can lead to panicky, unhinged behavior.

Ultimately, Sundholm says that we should sympathize with boomers who have difficulty regulating their emotions and see it as an example of the great strides subsequent generations have made in managing their mental health. “It may seem a little harsh to call something 'boomer panic,' but in the context of how many of them were raised, it makes a lot of sense,” Sundholm says. “It also underlines the importance of emotional regulation skills and teaching them to future generations. And maybe most important, having compassion for those who never had a chance to learn them.”

 older person's hands holding a younger person's hands, compassion for elderly Having compassion for older generations can go a long way.Photo credit: Canva

This article originally appeared in March.

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Gen Xers share the nostalgic slang phrases from their youth that now get the Gen Z stare

"What’s your major malfunction???"

Images via Canva

Gen X shares nostalgic slang phrases that Gen Z doesn't understand.

Every generation has slang and phrases unique to them. From Millennial slang to Gen Alpha slang, it's always changing. And Gen Xers are noting that Gen X slang is often being met with the Gen Z stare.

In an online forum of Gen Xers, member Embarrassed_Flan_869 asked fellow Gen Xers: "Ok, so we all had phrases that we used to use, colloquialisms as it were, that no one remembers but us," they wrote. "Two that popped up recently for me. 'Scrolling through the mental rolodex' and when referring to regular vs decaf coffee, leaded vs unleaded."

They ended their post with a callout: "Which ones do you use/remember?"

And Gen Xers had tons of funny and nostalgic phrases to share, with some calling out how they've become lost in translation with the younger generation. These are 37 of the best Gen X slang phrases and colloquialisms to reminisce on.

 taco bell, taco bell gif, taco bell commercial, nostalgic taco bell, 90s taco bell doughnuts GIF  Giphy  

"I said something about 'making a run for the border' referencing the old Taco Bell commercials to my 19 year olds and was given the Gen Z stare lol." - bibleeofile123

"I get that a lot with my 13 year. She’s my first kid to not even be interested in 'classic' pop culture (I can’t believe our stuff is the classic now 😭); my older two would generally ask or look up any reference they didn’t get, because they thought it was funny or cool. But this one just looks at me like I’m an uncool alien every time I say something like 'Homie don’t play that'." - dixiequick

"Strange things are afoot at the Circle K." - Maleficent-Aside-171

"Smooth move, Ex-Lax. I'm Audi 5000." - Warhammer517


 captain obvious, captain obvious gif, slang, gen x slang, phrase captain obvious Sarcastic Common Sense GIF by VeeFriends  Giphy  

"Thank you Captain Obvious. Your perception of the obvious is only exceeded by your good looks." - nonesuchnotion

"What’s your major malfunction???" - snohflake5

"I still use 'What’s your damage?' ironically in a valley girl accent." - dlc741

"Bitchin. As in 'that's a bitchin Camaro'." - sugarbeet13

 snaps, z formation, slang, nostalgia slang, snaps z formation Sassy Snap GIF  Giphy  

"Three snaps in Z formation lol." - Klutzy_Excitement_99

"'I think I need a bigger box!'" - snark_maiden

"'Time to make the donuts'." - Secret-Asian-Man-76

 gnarly, gnarly gif, gnarly phrase, saying gnarly, gnarly thrownback Sean Penn Wow GIF  Giphy  

"I still regularly use both gnarly and grody." - duck_butter

"Using 'Not!' to sarcastically negate everything you just said." - FreshCords

"'Did you get home in time to catch the game?' 'No, but I TAPED it and I'll watch it later.'" - Bokononfoma

 wheres the beef, beef gif, nostalgia, nostalgic beef gif, where is the beef beef GIF  Giphy  

"Saying 'I know nothing' in a German accent. I also edit a lot of reports, and when someone gives me a crappy report with no info, I always ask, 'where’s the beef?' I get a lot of blank stares." - hotlettucediahrrea

"Accusing someone of being a 'narc'." - Accio_Diet_Coke

"Cool beans!" - Wide_Neighborhood_49

"Peachy keen!" - Magerimoje

"Was paying a bill on the phone and told the person to hold while I go grab my billfold. The person had never heard of a billfold." - Disastrous-Duty-8020

 cheers, cheers gif, cheers show, cheers sitcom, cheers tv american history drinking GIF  Giphy  

"I walked into the coffee shop I always go to and I was greeted by them in unison calling out my name. I was like, 'that’s was like Norm from Cheers.' They just gave me polite blank stares. RIP Normy." - Cleverironicusername

"Smoking or non?" - Formal-Working3189

"More and more, kids these days don't know where 'Nobody puts Baby in a corner' comes from." - HLOFRND

 chicken butt, whats up, chicken butt gif, chicken butt phrase, chicken butt nostalgic Animated GIF  Giphy  

"Answering 'what's up?' with 'chicken butt'." - expespuella

"I was born a poor black child." - seigezunt

"At work, I used the phrase 'I'm gettin ' too old for this shit' and nobody got the reference. Bastards." - OriginalComputer5077

 vanilla ice, word to your mother, vanilla ice gif, 90s gif vanilla ice death row chronicles GIF by BET  Giphy  

"Word to your mother." - silentAl1

"Know what I mean, Vern?" - ands_Of_Serenity78

"Bust a move." - Digitalispurpurea2

"It's 10 PM, do you know where your children are?" - La_Mano_Cornuta

 patience grasshopper, patience gif, patience young grasshopper, kung fu, kung fu gif Patience Calm Down GIF by Brat TV  Giphy  

"Patience Grasshopper." - SDgoon

"Does any body still say someone's gonna sh*t a brick?" - iwonandimstillhere

"My kids still look at me strange when I say I am going to nuke something." - lazygerm

"My husband said 'let’s go veg out' to my teen kids yesterday and they looked at him like he was crazy. My son was like, 'what’s that mean?'" - CarisaDaGal

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