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Joy

People reveal the pivotal moments that restored their faith in humanity

We need to hear these kinds of stories.

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Photo by Diego PH on Unsplash

We all need reminders of the beauty of humanity.

Looking around at the current state of affairs in the world can quickly lead to feelings of sadness or despair, especially when news media primarily focuses on the worst of humanity.

While we can't pretend that the serious problems we face don't exist, we also need to balance our perspective with reminders that people are more good than not, and that human atrocity is the exception, not the rule. We have countless examples of human beings being wonderful to one another in ways large and small, but those stories rarely make the headlines.

Part of our mission at Upworthy is to show that people are a force for good, and what better way to do that than to share people's stories of kindness, hope and faith in one another?

For all of its pitfalls, social media can be a great place to find those kinds of real-life stories, so we asked our Instagram audience to share a moment that restored their faith in humanity and people generously delivered. Here are some responses that might just restore your faith in humanity as well.

"Stuck in Thailand during the 2006 coup with my wife and our two-year-old in a carrying backpack, airline would not accept credit card to purchase last flight out of the country, ATMs were not working to get cash, after 30 minutes a random Indian man and his family stepped forward and handed us an envelope full of all the cash we needed to purchase two airline tickets from Thailand to Singapore. He did not want or expect a payback (we eventually did)." – joshinsd

"We awoke to a 5.7 earthquake in 2020 in our old historic Victorian home. The earthquake blew out our foundation. Everyone on our street was affected. My husband and I had retired. We ended up rebuilding which took almost two years with Covid and supply chain issues. Two houses down we have a lovely family with two young boys. They came up with an idea on their own to empty out their savings and insisted in giving it to us to help us. While we did not need the money, it was the gesture of sacrificing their hard earned money at such a young age, 8 and 10 that touched us deeply. With young people in our world with hearts such as this, we will see great things happening." – gmholm

"My boy wanted to play with a stick that an older girl had. She was so kind & gave him the stick. He took it, then went back to her, broke it half, & gave her half. I watched it all from the side & held back tears. Look to the children - they will show you pure kindness 🤍" – ripottsy

"I recently took my daycare littles on a library outing. One of my two year olds was looking for a Paw Patrol book. A sweet little girl (about 5 years old) overhead and dug into her book bag and gave it to the two year old. In return he offered her one of his books❤️. Such a simple, yet meaningful, act of such pure sweet innocence!" – richelleamyd

"I was wrangling my kids into their car seats for a trip to the grocery store one day. I put my wallet on the bumper of my car as I was walking from one side of my car so the other trying to get them buckled. I got in my car and left my house, totally forgetting to grab my wallet. I realized my mistake when I got to the grocery store. I retraced my route, but had no luck finding my wallet. It had cash, credit cards, gift cards, and my family’s social security cards. I basically kept all my important things in there (it was a big zip up day planner kind of wallet). I went home and just cried and cried. I was on the computer trying to figure out how to order replacement social security cards when there was a knock on my door. A very sweet man who didn’t speak English very well was standing there with my wallet. I immediately embraced him and said, “oh THANK YOU!” He was a bit taken aback and said, “oh…you sad?” I will forever be grateful that that man took time out of his day to do the honest thing. It would have been so easy for him to either ignore my wallet, or take it. I try to remember him when I see an opportunity to be honest." – julieletner

"My grandma passed, and at her funeral, I was telling a friend of hers how hard it would be to return to her home after her interment. For as long as I could remember, Grandma had waited on the front porch for me whenever I came to visit. Later that afternoon, when we did return to Grandma’s, her friend was standing on the porch waiting, just as Grandma always had. 'I didn’t want you to have to return to an empty porch after laying her to rest,' he kindly explained. His thoughtful gesture makes me tear up whenever I remember it. – lynnecook77

"I had just lost my little sister to suicide. i was in deep grief and had not eaten for a few days. i was craving a burger so i went to The Counter. sat there. cried the entire time and tried to get that burger down. apparently Two men in UPS uniforms were on their lunch break and when i asked for the bill. my server told me that those ups guys bought my lunch. i never even saw them there. it was the first time i didn’t feel completely alone during the darkest days of my grief. 💕" – clarkaosb

"I was 20+, sitting in a church and crying very hard. A very elderly woman came up, sat next to me, said it was going to be ok. She just sat there holding my hand, in silence. I could see her looking at me and well up. A moment full of love, tolerance and empathy for a total stranger. It changed me." – atirufo

"We had pizza delivered once and my 3 year old son wanted to give the delivery guy the tip. He handed it to the guy and he asked if he had a piggy bank and then he gave my son a $1 back to put in his bank ❤️" – kgwhit_

"I was sitting with my friend at Balboa Park and one of the vendors just walked over and handed us each a large slice of watermelon. It was a hot day and it was just so generous and kind." – lorimitchellart

"A man stopped his car in the middle of a very busy intersection, to get out and help a family of geese get across the street. It was a sight that my description does no justice." – christollbertson

"A few years ago I was at the vet’s office with my dog. I overheard a guy telling the vet that he couldn’t afford his dog’s surgery. The vet told him that he was not going to let his dog die and that he would perform the surgery even if he couldn’t pay him back." – norms1111

"I work at a grocery store as a cashier and one time the food stamp card system was down in NYS. People were having issues all day and everybody was getting understandably frustrated. This man was trying to pay but of course it wasn’t working. I asked him if he had another way to pay and he said no. The lady behind him handed him some cash and told him not to worry about it. She bought a week’s worth of his groceries, no big fuss made about it. Almost made me cry on a very tricky day❤️ – paytonncotter

"When we lived in Iran, we would escape to a green city (no fly zone) when the war would get really active. During one of these times, we had to drive over the mountain in the snow and fog (dead of winter) and with my Mum sick with bronchitis. When we got to the other side, my father and uncle decided to rent a hotel so Mum could rest, but we were in a random town and didn’t know what was around. Eventually, around 2.30 am, we came across what looked like a motel and went inside.

"There was one man there. He gave us a dingy, tiny room to share, looked at my Mum a couple of times, then quietly told my father to take her to hospital (this is all relayed by my Mum. I remember bits and pieces only). My uncle and dad decided to take her while my three-year-old sister and I stayed back. Once they got to hospital, doctors pulled my mum aside and asked first if she had been abused or was in danger (because of how sick she was, they thought she might have been drugged or beaten and had internal bleeding), then once she confirmed she was safe, they took her inside and started treating her. While they were there, the man sat with my sister and me and told us to go to sleep. My sister fell asleep straight away, but I couldn’t, so he sat with me and reassured me everything would be okay. He asked about school, what my favourite subject was. Normal talk during scary times.

"I fell asleep at some point, and when I woke up, my father and uncle were bringing Mum back into the room. The motel owner made a pot of hot tea and brought bread, butter, jam and cheese for us to eat. For those who don’t know, most of us could only shop with vouchers and coupons during the war (rations), so this man was literally sharing his food with us during a time when food was scarce to begin with. Around 5.00 the next evening, we went to pay that man, and he put his hand to his heart and said he couldn’t accept our payment. No matter how much my family insisted, this man refused and said he was honoured to have helped us and to please be safe on our way to the green zone. I am an Atheist, but truly believe this man to be an angel on earth. Kindness is a currency you can never forget." – lucid_nomad

If you enjoyed these stories, you'll love Upworthy's upcoming book, "GOOD PEOPLE: Stories from the Best of Humanity," which includes 101 stories of human decency, kindness and compassion. Pre-order now on Amazon.

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GOOD PEOPLE: Stores From the Best of Humanity

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As a participant in the Amazon Associates affiliate program, Upworthy may earn proceeds from items purchased that are linked to this article, at no additional cost to you.

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Visit Sweden
Visit Sweden
Popular

Sweden makes stunning decision to trademark its name to avoid confusion

The country is taking historic steps to fix the problem.

via Visit Sweden (used with permission)

A Swedish woman taking things into her own hands.

True

Sweden has existed for over 1,000 years, but travelers across the globe are confused because other places, inspired by the country’s untouched beauty and joyously inclusive culture, have taken its name.

Seven other places in the world call themselves Sweden, so to distinguish itself from the name-alikes, the Kingdom of Sweden is taking a bold, historic step that no country has before. It’s become the first to apply to trademark its name with the European Union Intellectual Property Office.

Visit Sweden likens the country’s problem to a luxury brand that has to contend with dupes, knockoffs, or bootlegs that fall short of the glory of the genuine article.

“It’s flattering that other places want to be called Sweden, but let’s be honest, there should only be one. Our Sweden. The one with the Northern Lights, endless forests, and the world’s best flat-pack furniture,” says Susanne Andersson, CEO at Visit Sweden.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

By trademarking its name, Sweden will make things much less confusing for travelers worldwide. It’d be a shame for someone looking to visit Sweden’s majestic Lapland to mistakenly wind up in a place with no reindeer, Aurora Borealis, or cloudberries to be found.

The world-class research team at Visit Sweden knew it had to act when it realized that other destinations with the same name had tripped up travelers. People looking to vacation in Portland, Oregon, have accidentally wound up in Portland, Maine. Travelers yearning to experience the fall in Manchester, New Hampshire, have been deplaning in Manchester, England. “It happens more than you think!” the researchers admitted.


sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation The Northern Lights in Sweden. via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Jann Lipka/imagebank.sweden.se

The E.U. Intellectual Property Office must act swiftly and allow Sweden to trademark its name so that travelers worldwide don’t miss the opportunity to experience an utterly unique country known for its serene landscapes, commitment to deep relaxation and personal freedom.

No one should ever miss out on staying on one of Sweden’s 267,570 islands, more than any other country. The Swedish archipelagos offer luxurious glamping, peaceful hikes, tranquil solitude and awe-inspiring, pristine nature.

sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation A woman camping in the Swedish archipelago.via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Anders Klapp/imagebank.sweden.se


Sweden is a beautiful place to visit all year round, with bright summers, colorful falls, vibrant springs and dark, crisp winters. It is also a place to delight your tastebuds with a cuisine centered on healthy, locally sourced produce, with some preparation methods dating back to the Viking era.

The original Sweden is a place where one can relish Old World European history while also enjoying the modern pleasures of the most progressive countries in the world. Travelers can be whisked back into history by visiting the Naval Port of Karlskona, a well-preserved European naval town from 1680. Or, enjoy cutting-edge design, delicacies, art, music and culture in hip metropolitan destinations such as Stockholm or Sweden’s “coolest city,” Gothenburg.

Did we mention Sweden has an ABBA museum? Wait till the other 7 Swedens find out about that.

As you can see, Sweden is an incredibly unique destination that cannot be duplicated. It would be a tragedy for anyone intending to visit the original Sweden to mistakenly find themselves in a name-alike place that lacks its Scandinavian charm. You can do your part to stop the confusion by signing a petition to let Sweden trademark Sweden at Visit Sweden (the original).

sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation A Swedish Midsommar celebration. via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Stefan Berg/Folio/imagebank.sweden.se

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Family

Millenials share their boomer parents’ 15 quirky (and frustrating) habits they just don't get

"They act jealous of us traveling but refuse to go anywhere."

via Canva/Photos

Boomer parents who don't like to travel, but say they do.

When it comes to intergenerational conflict, you never hear too much about Gen Z having a hard time with Generation X or the silent generation having beef with the baby boomers. However, there seems to be some problem where baby boomers and millennials just can’t get on the same page.

Maybe it’s because millennials were raised during the technological revolution and have to help their boomer parents log into Netflix. There’s also a political divide: Millennials are a reliable liberal voting bloc, whereas boomers are the target demographic for Fox News. Both generations also have differing views on parenting, with boomers favoring an authoritative style over the millennials' gentler approach.

A Redditor asked Xennials, older millennials, and younger Gen Xers born between 1977 and 1983 to share some quirks of their boomer parents, and they created a fun list of habits that can be both endearing and frustrating. The users shared that millennials are frustrated with their parents' abilities to use technology but are touched when they send them a greeting card.



Of course, it is reductive to reduce generations into a series of stereotypes, whether it’s millennials or baby boomers. But, for many, hearing that they aren’t the only person who gets frustrated with their boomer parents can be pretty cathartic and make them feel less alone.

Here are 15 boomer parent quirks that Millenials just don’t understand.

1. They save everything

"They save EVERYTHING (containers, jars, boxes, etc.) just in case they might be able to use it for something later. I feel like this habit was handed down from our grandparents' Great Depression upbringing."

"Absolutely! Shopping bags, empty yogurt containers, boxes that some product came in…..although I love me a 'good box!' I have all my iPhone boxes for no reason."

2. Scary texts

"Will text something foreboding like 'we need to talk;' then turns out she forgot a recipe."

"My dad will text me 'You need to call me right now' when it’s nothing. And not tell me major life events until well after the fact. Like my aunt had a heart attack and I found out a week later from her son. (And my dad did know.)"



3. Stranger death toll

"My mom is ALWAYS telling me about dead people I’ve never met. I really do not care. I know that sounds awful, but I don’t have it in me to be sad for everyone on the planet when they pass."

“You remember my friend Carol? Her aunt had that above-ground swimming pool in her backyard. We swam in it a couple times one summer when you were about 9. Anyway, Carol’s mom just lost her brother-in-law. They were very close. Thought you’d want to know.”

4. They don't travel

"They act jealous of us traveling but refuse to go anywhere."

"Ooh good one. Mine act jealous of anything we do/buy that they can't solely because they can't get out of their own way and actually make things happen."

5. They print everything

"My Boomer FIL prints out EVERYTHING from his computer. I understand printing out instructions or recipes to help remember but do you really need a file cabinet full of forwarded emails from friends and sale adverts from 5 years ago? Oh well, at least he keeps it organized. Also, both TVs in the house run 24/7 playing reruns of 'CSI: Who Gives a Sh*t Anymore?'"

"I'm not on Facebook, but my dad is. Last year, he made a celebratory post on my birthday and all his church friends liked and commented on it. He printed up the post and all of the comments, stapled it into a little book, and MAILED me the printed Facebook comments..."



6. 'From, dad' texts

"My dad sends text messages with, 'From, Dad' at the end of them. It cracks me up every time. He also states who he is every time he calls me."

7. Irrational fears

"One quirk my dad had was that he was deathly afraid of the house burning down. Not from the standpoint of the danger of fire but when he was growing up, if your house burnt down, you were basically homeless and destitute. My mom is much more level headed about it. She always told my dad, that is why we have homeowners insurance."

8. Expired food

"My mother-in-law doesn't throw out expired food. She has food in her pantry that is several years past their expiration dates. Same with condiments in her fridge. You just can't trust any of the food she has on hand because more than likely than not it's way expired. When we have brought this up, that she needs to throw some stuff out, she insists it's absolutely fine. It's not. "

"My grandmother is the same way. Once, she opened her refrigerator, and there was a jar of pickles with mold floating on the surface of the liquid. I pointed it out, and she said it was still good. She would just scoop the mold out at a later time. She has an incredibly strong stomach and immune system."



9. Smartphone addiction

"You always hear a kids 'these kids always on their damn phones.' But when it comes to phone addiction, boomers are far worse."

"My mom drives five hours to see us, then spends the whole time texting people from her church or looking at Facebook."

"I once sat in their living room for over an hour before they decided to put their phones down and speak to me, only to phub me and pick them right back up."

10. Rigid gender roles

"My dad still clings to the traditional division of 'men's/women's work.' He'll fix a car, do any outside work, clean out a clogged drain. Cooking? If it's any more complicated than making coffee or calling in a pizza, he can't/won't. I don't think he even grills anymore. Laundry? Hell no. Taking care of small children? He'll play with them but that's it."

11. The TV is constantly on

"In-laws leave the TV on for all waking hours. And FIL gets irritated if someone talks over the episode of MASH or Walker, Texas Ranger, that he's already seen 50 times. Like clenching his teeth and stomping the floor."

"TV on 24/7. Constantly flipping between some version of Law and Order, HGTV, and Guy Fieri. Asking me 'did you see that commercial where…' No mom. I don’t have cable. I don’t see commercials. All of the time."



12. They are always right

"My dad...he's has to be right about everything and doesn't know what to do if you beat him to the point on something. He once was giving me a recipe that required cinnamon, cardamon, and clove and told me just to use Pumpkin Pie Spice! It's the greatest thing! 'Dad, I don't need to. I have all those spices on hand (I bake)' But...no! You have to use this. 'No, I don't. I don't need to buy something that I already have" It happens all the time."

"My parents are always right and they are not impressed about anything."

13. Obsessed with the weather

"Yes, my dad should have been a meteorologist. He used to have a weather alert radio that would sound off in the middle of the night and he would watch the weather channel constantly. We all had to quiet down when your local weather forecast on the 8's came on. He gets really excited about severe weather like when we might get thunderstorms or a tornado."

14. One more thing

"Without fail, every time I'm leaving my mother's house and backing down the driveway, she comes back out of her house and stops me to say something else, even though we'd just spoken."

15. Mail stress

"My mom has an anxiety attack during the entire journey of a package or piece of mail she dispatched to me. No, she doesn’t know how to track. She will not rest until she knows that a package has arrived or a nominal check has been cashed. She calls when she is thinking about sending something, when she sent it, when it’s en route, and when it’s expected to arrive. God forbid it’s late. And if I don’t issue a prompt thank you, she will guilt me."

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Heroes

High school teacher describes her day in viral video with a plea to give educators grace

@kpintoledo/TikTok

Katie Peters shared a day in the life of pandemic teaching and pleaded for teachers to be given grace.

Teachers are heroes under normal circumstances. During a pandemic that has upended life as we know it, they are honest-to-goodness, bona fide superheroes.

The juggling of school and COVID-19 has been incredibly challenging, creating friction between officials, administrators, teachers, unions, parents, and the public at large. Everyone has different opinions about what should and shouldn't have been done, and those opinions sometimes conflict with what can and cannot, and is and is not, being done. In the end, the overwhelming result has bee that everyone is just…done.

And as is usually the case with education-related controversies, teachers are taking the brunt of it. Their calls for safe school policies have been met with claims that kids aren't at risk of severe COVID, as if teachers' health and well-being are expendable. Parents' frustrations with remote or hybrid learning are taken out on the teachers who are constantly scrambling to adjust to ever-changing circumstances that make everything about teaching more complicated.

Superheroes, seriously.

But as Toledo, Ohio high school teacher Katie Peters says, teachers aren't looking for accolades. They're doing the jobs they love, even though they're incredibly difficult right now. What they do need is for people to understand what a teacher's day looks like and to extend them some grace.

Peters' 2022 TikTok video describing a day in the life of a teacher teaching six classes has been viewed more than 2.5 million times.

After sharing that she taught six periods and subbed during her planning period, she said, “I helped a young man find safe housing. I found a winter coat for a girl who didn’t have one. I located a student's missing backpack and arranged for a Chromebook replacement for that student. I gave a student a little bit of cash for a haircut and made sure another student had enough food to last them through the weekend.”

She also comforted a student who had cramps, supported a student who was going through his first heartbreak, saved a student's art project with some super glue, walked a student to class so they wouldn't feel alone, and wrote a card for a student who was struggling. That was just during the school day.

After school she had a meeting, tutored a student, then wrote a college recommendation letter for a student who brought her the request the day before it was due.

Then she spent four hours at home planning "fun, inviting, exciting lesson plans that could, at the drop of a hat, need to go virtual without any warning."

But Peters said she didn't want a single accolade. "No teacher I know wants a pat on the back or gratitude," she said. "What they do need is grace." She pointed out that doing all of these things are what teachers love to do and what fulfills them. But it's also why they're tired. The pandemic has made everything harder.

Peters said a piece of her was shattered when she read a comment in a community forum about her district going back to in-person learning, "Oh, it's nice the teachers decided to work again." As if teachers have not been working the hardest they ever have during all of the pandemic upheaval? Please.

"Nobody, in the history of ever, has been motivated by ugly," she said. "Loving kids is the purest form of beauty that exists—and it's always going to beat your ugly."

Well said.

Peters told TODAY that negative comments make teachers feel defeated, which impacts their job. “I’m not sure how much people realize that their words carry over into our ability to care for their children,” Peters said. “We need you to hold space for us and understand that we are doing our best given the circumstances.”

People loved Peters' honest and heartfelt account of what teachers are experiencing and what they really need from the rest of us: Grace. Patience. Understanding. Not ugliness or blame.

If anyone who isn't a teacher has something negative to say and thinks they could handle the job better, they are more than welcome to get their teacher training education and certification and try their hand at it. Otherwise, give teachers the respect they deserve and the grace they so desperately need as they try to keep their hole-filled lifeboats afloat with paperclips and a hot glue gun.

Teachers, we see you. We've got your back. Hang in there.

This article originally appeared three years ago.

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Health

Conflict experts share the 1 sentence that can stop an argument before things get heated

Here's how to shut it down before it starts.

via Canva/Photos

A woman skillfully stops an argument.

Has getting into a heated argument with your significant other, a coworker, or a child ever solved anything? Probably not. Heated arguments often lead people down the dark path of personal attacks, animosity, and getting so riled up that they stop making sense altogether. However, conflict is a natural and healthy part of our daily lives, so it can be very productive when we know how to have productive disagreements.

"If no one ever argues, you’re not likely to give up on old ways of doing things, let alone try new ones. Disagreement is the antidote to groupthink,” organizational psychologist Adam Grant said, according to Psychology Today. “We’re at our most imaginative when we’re out of sync." So the big question is, how do we prevent heated arguments from happening and steer them to more productive territory instead?

How to stop an argument from happening

A group of researchers at the University of Wisconsin found that it’s essential for people to create a safe environment to have a discussion, and the key to doing so is to ask open-ended questions that lead to points of agreement. Specifically, the researchers say to use “I” statements, such as “I feel frustrated” or “I feel concerned” when expressing yourself during the disagreement. But the best phrase is one that clearly directs the discussion toward agreement.

The best way to stop an argument is with the phrase: “I’d actually like to focus on all the things we agree on.”


conflict, arguments, disagreementsCoworkers come to an agreement.via Canva/Photos

There are 3 big reasons why the phrase is so effective at stopping arguments from happening. First, the phrase immediately changes the mindset of both people from the areas where they disagree to one of agreement. We are no longer arguing about why we like or don’t like pineapple on pizza. Instead, we’re not focusing on the toppings we enjoy, such as pepperoni or black olives. The person we disagree with is no longer an enemy but a collaborator.

Another big reason “I’d actually like to focus on all the things we agree on” is such an effective phrase because it extinguishes the other person’s anger. When we search for a way to agree, we suddenly become an unappealing target for the other person’s rage.

Finally, this phase makes you the good guy in the disagreement because you are looking for a positive solution. You’ve just taken a right turn onto the high road and have become the rational party in the conversation. This tactic is especially effective when a third party, such as a boss or sibling, is involved in the disagreement and wants to see who is acting in good faith. This will encourage the person you’re having a dispute with to be more cooperative to save face.

conflict, arguments, disagreementsCoworkers come to an agreement.via Canva/Photos

The key is to be genuine about looking for agreement and have a sincere tone when stating your approach. Once the potential fight has been quelled, you can work together to reach the best possible agreement.

Learning how to prevent heated arguments can strengthen the relationship with the person you disagree with. Resolving a conflict together makes their relationship stronger and more enduring. So, a conflict can be a gift that you can use to skillfully bring yourself closer to someone. The key is to focus on the areas of agreement and to be sincere so you can resolve the issue together without leaving any lingering resentment.

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Pop Culture

'Gilmore Girls' actor Scott Patterson gets real about being objectified during 'uncomfortable' scene

'Just because it was 2003 didn’t mean it was OK. It’s never OK.'

"Gilmore Girls Set 1" by Noelle And Mike is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.

Gilmore Girls was set in the fictional town of Stars Hollow, Connecticut.

Gilmore Girls is one of those TV shows that's easy to judge negatively until you actually watch it. The fast-paced dialogue, quick-witted humor, colorful characters and surprisingly smart cultural references can take you by surprise if you're not expecting them.

The show was moderately popular when it aired on the CW, but it got a huge second life thanks to DVD and streaming services. However, like every show, not every element has stood the test of time. Since its creation, we've been through some major cultural shifts that have shone a spotlight on problematic tropes and forced us to reexamine what we find funny.

The "Me Too" Movement brought into focus the ubiquity of sexual harassment and sexual assault against women. That conversation included the problems with objectifying women's bodies. But objectification can happen to—and hurt—both women and men, as Gilmore Girls actor Scott Patterson shared on a 2022 episode of his podcast.

Patterson played Luke Danes, one of the primary love interests of the show's main character Lorelai (played by Lauren Graham). Patterson's adorably grumpy, flannel-shirted character was a fan favorite, and for the first time, the actor is rewatching the whole series and giving scene-by-scene commentary in his podcast I Am All In (named for one of his most swoon-worthy lines).

Most of what he shares in the podcast is positive, but while watching an episode from Season 3 ("Keg! Max!"), he shared an experience that bothered him. One of Patterson's podcast cohosts pointed out what she called "the butt scene" in the episode. In that scene, Lorelai and her best friend Sookie (played by Melissa McCarthy) spend an inordinate amount of time discussing Luke's butt after Sookie accidentally touches it. The cohost said she didn't know if that scene would fly today and that acknowledgment prompted Patterson to share how he felt about it.

"You want to ask me how that feels?" he said. "Yeah, that was disturbing. I realized it wasn’t OK, and it didn’t make me feel comfortable at all. It made me feel really embarrassed, actually."

“It's infuriating to be treated that way," he continued. "It is infuriating because you’re being treated like an object. And it’s disturbing, and it’s disgusting. And I had to endure that through that entire scene and many takes. It was all about the butt, the butt, the butt, the butt. When we weren’t filming, we were sitting down and people were still talking about the butt, the butt, the butt. It was the most disturbing time I have ever spent on that set, and I couldn’t wait for that day to be over.”

Patterson's female co-hosts debated the appropriateness of the scene within the context of the relationships of the characters. On the one hand, it felt like the type of flirting a couple might do, and Luke and Lorelai do eventually get married on the show. But at the time of that scene, Luke was dating someone else and the repeated nature of going back to his butt pushed it from a singular flirtation (which still may have been questionable) to something that made Patterson feel like the character was being humiliated and having his dignity taken away.

"It wasn't OK with me. I hated that scene," he said. “It’s as disgusting for women to objectify men as it for men to objectify women and it’s as harmful. It was just the most offensive day I've ever spent on a set. Just because it was 2003 didn’t mean it was OK. It’s never OK. And I didn’t feel comfortable doing it and it pissed me off.

"I never said anything, so I was angry at myself for never saying anything," he added. "But, you know, I had this job and I didn’t want to make waves and all that.”

Patterson said he hadn't planned on sharing those feelings on the podcast, but rewatching the episode brought back how uncomfortable he'd felt at the time.

As his cohosts pointed out, if you reversed the genders and switched out "butt" for "boobs," it would be a glaringly inappropriate scene. Of course, there's always been a different power dynamic between men and women that has made it extremely difficult for women to speak up when they are being objectified, so the experiences aren't exactly comparable. But in this case, the showrunner was a woman with power over Patterson as an actor. Some women might say, "Well now he knows how it feels to be a woman," with little sympathy, but that reaction feels less than healthy. Objectification is objectification, and Patterson has every right to feel disturbed by how he and his character were treated in that scene.

Here's to the hard conversations that have led us to this point where people being objectified can speak out about how it feels and actually be heard, and here's to Scott Patterson for moving those conversations forward.

You can listen to the podcast episode here and watch Patterson share why he started the podcast with TODAY:

This article originally appeared three years ago.

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Humor

Mom tries to keep it together when her 3-year-old daughter demands she help her find a husband

"I want a husband!"

Photo credit: Canva

3-year-old demands her mom help to find her a husband

Kids listen to everything parents say, even when their parents aren't talking to them. You don't have to be a parent to witness or experience this adorable and sometimes hilarious parroting. A toddler repeating a swear word in their tiny baby voice will almost always fill a room with laughter and a little embarrassment for the parent.

It's how kids learn about the world around them because parents are their first teachers even when they're not attempting to be. But there are some things that you don't quite expect kids to pick up on until a little later in life so it may catch you a little off guard. Tasha Mahachi, a mom of a 3-year-old little girl, Sanaa, found herself slightly confused when her daughter exclaimed that she needed a husband. No, she wasn't saying the mom needs a husband, she already has one.

Sanaa declared that she wanted her own husband after overhearing Mahachi refer to the little girl's dad as her husband while speaking to someone else. Explaining why a 3-year-old can't have a husband to an emotional small child desperate for a husband–a pink husband to be specific.

flying pink man GIFGiphy

Mahachi shared the adorable interaction on her social media page where it racked up over 246K views. In the video, Sanaa is seen stamping her foot, clearly a bit annoyed on repeating the question. Her frustration grows after her mom breaks the news that the little girl doesn't have a husband.

"I want a husband," Sanaa whines while stomping her feet before Mahachi asks what kind of husband the preschooler wants. That's when she reveals the difficult order, "pink." Yes, Sanaa wants a pink husband. It's really not too much to ask when you think about it...when you're three. But the problem really comes into play once Sanaa stops having a small tantrum long enough for Mahachi to inform her that if she wants a husband she will have to go find one outside.

Sol Solana GIF by Bill the BearGiphy

"I not going outside," she says while pleading her case, "it's dark."

Not going outside would be a bit of a barrier to finding a husband and you can see the little wheels turning in Sanaa's head as she works out how she will collect a pink husband. So, she does what any three year old would do who wants to go outside, she asks her mom to come with her. Again she's thwarted when Mahachi breaks the news that moms and dads don't go outside to help find husbands. The pair have reached an impasse. Viewers couldn't get enough of the amusing interaction and some could relate to the girl's dilemma.


@tashamahachi She heard me calling her dad my husband and suddenly she’s desperate to get herself one too😂 #toddlersbelike #toddlerconversations #sanaaandmummy ♬ original sound - Tasha

"Ma’am go on Amazon and order her a pink husband right neowww," someone jokes.

"We can all relate. To wanting a husband, to not wanting to go outside to find him, to being scared, oh baby we get it," another laughs.

"This is what a convo between me and God sound like praying for a husband meanwhile I’m scared to meet new people, I don’t go out and i always take my best friend everywhere," one person confesses.

Looking Rachel Lindsay GIF by The BacheloretteGiphy

"I’ve never related more to a toddler. Cuz sis I’m also scared & do not want to go outside & also want a husband RN [right now]," another commenter chimes in.

"It's okay kiddo. I don't want to leave the house to find one by myself either. It's scary," someone else proclaims.

Well, Sanaa, it seems like you're not alone. Plenty of people want a husband to find them without ever having to leave the house to interact with others. Maybe ordering a pink husband online doesn't sound so silly after all.

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