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Brutal video nails the heartbreaking reason it's often so hard to leave a 'situationship'

"I feel like I should end this."

man, woman, situationship, modern dating, couples

Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash

woman and man standing next each others

The idea of no-strings-attached casual sex is nothing new, although not everyone is a fan. The concept traces all the way back to the 1700s, when men would refer to a casual fling as "combing their wigs." (I made that up, but maybe?) It wasn't really until the early 90s when the term "booty call" became popular–and whether you were in your 20s or 70s, it was pretty self-explanatory. A part of you was being beckoned–and it wasn't your mind.

In 2011, not one but two relatively terrible romantic comedies with the same plot were released. One was No Strings Attached starring Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman, wherein the two lead characters decide to have a casual affair as friends, with no expectations.

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Friends with Benefits, which was released within a six-month time period, ironically starred Ashton's future wife Mila Kunis, alongside Justin Timberlake. Shocker, they are ALSO "just friends" who think they can have sex and not have it get awkward.

Spoiler–EVERYONE FALLS IN LOVE after learning some dumb, obvious lessons. Much like in the much more charming When Harry Met Sally, the best friend was the love of their life ALL ALONG. But in real life, unfortunately, that's not often the case, at least, not for both parties.

Portlandia, Netflix and Chill, Fred Armisen, Carrie Brownstein, situationship A scene on the couch from PortlandiaGiphy

These days, though the preferred term "Netflix and Chill" has taken the place of a Call of Booty, it seems there are more "situationships" than ever. The idea is that nothing is defined, there are no rules and no presumptions. You're not "a couple" but you'll do "for now."

On @Alloromono's TikTok page, a clip is posted of a man and a woman having a very candid (scripted) conversation about their "hook-up" status. It's a masterclass in attachment styles, with one seemingly avoidant and the other anxious. It begins with the woman (we'll call her Katie) saying to the guy (we'll call him Momo, because that's seemingly his name), "I like you." He reciprocates, although when they show with their hands how much, his hands are much further apart. He notes, "There's an imbalance."

@alloramomo
Situationships #situationship #relationship #love #dating #comedy #fyp

Katie then asks, "What do you see when you see me?" Momo answers, pensively: "A relationship?" Katie then awkwardly replies that she's only in it for "fun dates." He immediately says he's cool with it, but–you know how this goes–IS he? She asks that question straight away and he says, heartbreakingly, "Not really, but I'll pretend."

This is where things get super real. She straight-up tells him, "You're gonna develop feelings that aren't substantiated by anything tangible." To which he says, with such honesty, "I'll just keep hoping that you'll change your mind."

After Katie tells him he's delusional, she says bluntly, "You're gonna get hurt. Why would you put yourself through that?" And (get ready to have your soul shattered), he answers, "Well I'd rather have some of you than none."

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She tries to get logical. "I feel like I should end this before it gets to that point. The longer we see each other, the harder the blow will be for you." And here's where it all comes down. He calls her bluff, saying, "So end it." "Hmm," she thinks. "I won't." He asks why and she shares, brutally, "Because I'm getting everything I want at your expense. YOU end it." And what he says next is so very raw: "I won't. Because I lack the self-respect to walk away."

It's, as mentioned in the comments, quite reminiscent of the film 500 Days of Summer–a beautiful reflection on falling in love, limerence, and everything in between. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind also comes to mind, as the idea that no matter how much we try, we so often repeat patterns and wind up in the same place, fully knowing how it ends.

It also inspires many of the commenters to look at their own situationships, with one declaring, "I'm breaking up with my situationship TODAY."

- YouTube 500 Days of Summer movie, Joseph Gordon-Leviit, Zooey Deschanelwww.youtube.com

Momo makes a lot of these videos, which seem to be tools for modern-day dating. As the idea has become normalized (or at least more common), the Internet is teeming with articles in terms of defining the indefinable and/or how to end something that's not working for you.

VeryWellMind chimes in with health writer Sanjana Gupta's 2024 piece, "Situationship: How to Cope When Commitment is Unclear." Gupta defines "situationship" and lists pros and cons of the setup. A pro, she writes, is "there is less responsibility. Relationships can consume a significant amount of emotional energy. Situationships, on the other hand, don't require a huge emotional investment. People who tend to gravitate towards situationships are those who want emotional connection and intimacy with a partner in a compartmentalized way. This type of relationship allows them to have an emotional presence and connection in person, but when apart, they can have their freedom."

sex and the city, carrie bradshaw, casual sex, situationship, couples A scene from Sex and the CityGiphy

The disadvantages come when expectations shift. "Even though both partners might agree on the dynamics when they enter the situationship, one person might grow to want more than the other is willing to give. It can also be stressful to be in a relationship without stability or consistency. This is particularly true if you start to develop expectations of your partner, but they have not committed to meeting those expectations."

She gives helpful suggestions on how to navigate the whole thing. Not only should you be honest with your partner, but be honest with yourself. What do you really want? And the moment that doesn't align with what you say you want, you need to ask for it. "Avoid the passive approach," she encourages.

So, the next time it's time to Netflix and Chill, make sure your head and your heart are on the same page (or at the very LEAST, make sure the movie is good).

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Verizon Business

Verizon Business

An entrepreneurial Ph.D candidate sheds light on how technology helps her grow her small business

https://www.pitasplanters.com

Pita and David in front of their mobile plant shop

True

If there is a positive connection between mental health and caring for plants, Lupita Ríos is determined to make it her life’s work to share it with the world.

Ríos owns Dallas-based Pita’s Planters, a small business offering handmade planters, vases, art, bouquet preservation. Her love of vegetation can be traced back to where she spent her childhood—in the jungles of Guatemala—but it wasn’t until Ríos began struggling with panic attacks after college that she realized how healing plants can be.

During a particularly anxious period in her life, the only thing that brought her comfort was a plant she’d inherited from a co-worker. “Every day I would come into work and see some new growth or a new little leaf, and I would just feel so excited … it was like this little seed of light for me during a time when I was not feeling much joy,” said Ríos.

Pita in her plant shop https://www.pitasplanters.com

So she did what made sense: she kept growing plants, eventually learning how to create pots from recycled materials. During the pandemic, she and her husband opened a mobile plant store, which allowed her to share her passion with people in the community. What began as a meditative hobby quickly turned into a booming business, and Ríos, who is also working towards a Ph.D in Neuroscience, found herself overwhelmed with the things that come with being a small business owner (like keeping up with voice messages!).

“I learn as I go,” said Ríos, mentioning that one of the rookie decisions she made as a first-time business owner was to list her cell phone number under the business as the official contact number. “I quickly learned that was not a good idea! I got calls from customers left and right because the business grew so quickly.”

A friend suggested leveraging technology to keep Ríos’ sanity intact. She enrolled in Verizon Small Business Digital Ready, a free online program that offers small businesses nationwide access to over 50 expert courses and grant funding opportunities. The program includes resources created by small business owners for small business owners, covering topics such as marketing, financial planning, social media management, and more. For Ríos, this was the answer to juggling school and business without dropping any balls while the business continues to grow.

Taking control of her mobile plan was the first step in streamlining—and leveling up!—the business. Verizon’s My Biz Plan allowed her select and pay for only what she needed the One Talk App allowed her to reclaim her cell phone for personal use, and Verizon Business Assistant, a GenAI-powered text messaging solution , has been an enormous time-saver. Verizon Business’ 2025 State of Small Business Survey revealed 38% of SMBs are currently using AI–Lupita is one of many using it to help. Instead of spending precious time replying to every DM inquiring about the hours of her shop or troubleshooting a repotted plant’s wilting leaves, business owners like Ríos can set up, customize, and train a virtual assistant to field these questions.

“I didn't even realize I needed this in my life, but Verizon was like, we work with a lot of small businesses and we have a lot of tools that help set your business up so that I can focus on the products, on the marketing, on everything else. And I know that Verizon's got me covered in other ways where I don't have to think about it so much. It is so nice to have someone looking out for you and saying, ‘Yeah, you're busy. We got you covered here. We can take care of this."’

Verizon is committed to reaching one million small businesses with the resources they need to be successful by 2030—with over 450,000 small businesses like Pita’s Planters already using Digital Ready to help their businesses thrive.

Pita and David at their brick and mortar shophttps://www.pitasplanters.com

As for Ríos’ plans for after she receives her doctorate in Neuroscience? She wants to become a professor and continue growing her plant business.“Honestly, there’s nothing quite like having someone walk in who says they’ve never owned a plant before,” said Ríos. “Let me start your plant journey…within a few weeks, you’ll have a jungle in your house.”

Do you own a small business? Verizon offers over $1M in small business grants every year! Complete an application for the Verizon Small Business Digital Readyportal between May 1, 2025, and 11:59 pm PT on June 30, 2025, to be eligible for the application process for a $10,000 grant consideration.

Simple '30-second rule' can help you win every conversation, even if you're a little awkward

You only have to remember one thing.

via Canva/Photos

A man and two women having a fun conversation.

There’s no one alive who doesn’t feel some anxiety about making small talk with other people. The difference is that some confront their fears because they know the incredible benefits that it can mean for their social life, romantic prospects, and careers, while some shy away and miss out on many opportunities.

Many people who avoid small talk believe those who excel at it are naturally charismatic or have been blessed with the “gift of gab.” However, many great conversationalists honed their skills and have a set of rules, techniques, and strategies they use when speaking to people, just like how people who do improvisational comedy or acting have a set of rules to follow to put everyone on the same page. Confident, sociable people may make engaging with others look effortless, but that’s because they have a strategy.

conversation, fun office, men and woman, funny conversation, jokes, levity A group of coworkers having a laugh.via Canva/Photos

What is the 30-second rule?

New York Times bestselling author and founder of the Maxwell Institute, John C. Maxwell, had a rule whenever he started a conversation: “Within the first 30 seconds of a conversation, say something encouraging to a person.” This can work in any social or professional situation, for example:

At work:

“Wendy, I heard you did great on yesterday’s conference call.”

“Frank, I hear the clients really love working with you.”

At a party:

“Mohammed, I really loved those pictures you posted on Instagram on your trip to Mexico.”

“Sang, are we going to get some of your incredible barbecue today?”

On a date:

“Thanks for choosing such a great restaurant, it has such a nice ambiance.”

“I really like the way your necklace brings out your eyes.”

date, conversation, laughs, jokes, salads, dinner, restaurant, cafe A man and woman joking on a date.via Canva/Photos

Whether you are complimenting, relaying positive information about the person, or encouraging them, the key is to pump them up and make them feel good about themselves. The 30-second rule fits nicely into Maxwell’s overall view of relationships: “Those who add to us, draw us to them. Those who subtract, cause us to withdraw,” he said.

The key to giving the other person encouragement is to do so genuinely. If you aren’t genuine with your compliments or words of encouragement, your words can have the opposite effect and make the other person feel like you are being condescending.

How does encouragement make people feel?

encouragement, poeple in blue shirts, luaghs, my bad, smiles, supportive people A man making a joke with other people in blue shirts.via Canva/Photos

Studies have shown that when people hear words of encouragement, they feel good and have a burst of energy. Psychologist Henry H. Goddard studied tired children and found that they had a burst of energy when he said something encouraging to them. But when he said something negative, they became even more tired.

Ultimately, a direct connection exists between being likeable and being genuinely interested in other people. William King said, “A gossip is one who talks to you about other people. A bore is one who talks to you about himself. And a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself.”

Every time you start a new conversation with someone, take the opportunity to share some words of encouragement with the other person, and you’ll be on your way to being seen as a brilliant conversationalist.

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communication tips

Therapist explains his controversial theory: That it's normal to 'hate' your spouse

He also explains one thing everyone gets wrong when their partner is angry at them.

Canva Photos

Is it normal to hate your spouse, even in brief moments?

Marriage is hard. On your wedding day, you "know" it will be hard, and people tell you it will be hard, but you don't really fully understand. Not until you're years deep and navigating a joint life with another human being who has their own wants, desires, emotions, thoughts, and opinions.

Some people believe it's so hard because human beings aren't biologically wired for monogamy. Others believe we just don't do a good enough job of preparing ourselves for the more difficult aspects of lifelong partnership, leading to the notoriously high divorce rate.

A renowned couple's therapist named Terrence Real has been grabbing headlines with his somewhat controversial idea that could help save many relationships. He calls it "normal marital hatred."

marriage, couples, couples therapy, marriage advice, marriage tips, couples counseling, psychologist, therapist, divorce Once the wedding day has come and gone, things get real. Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

Real was recently on the Tim Ferris Podcast, where he elaborated on what he believes is a critically under-discussed aspect of relationships:.

“The essential rhythm of all relationships is harmony, disharmony, and repair," he says. "Closeness, disruption, and a return to closeness. That's where the skills come in, how to move from disruption to repair. Our culture doesn't teach it."

Real says every couple will have moments, days, or even longer stretches of dissatisfaction, and that those feelings can be much more powerful than you might think.

“So, here's what I wanna say about disharmony: It hurts, it's dark. You can really, really feel like, 'What the hell did I get myself into? This is such a disappointment.’ And guess what? Your partner's probably feeling that about you too.”

His concept of normal marital hatred is fascinating. It takes a shocking idea, that you could "hate" your partner, and puts it right there next to the word "normal." Internalizing the idea might seem pretty bleak to young people getting ready to settle down, but Real doesn't want people to panic or bail rather than sticking it out. Again, he says it's completely normal.

“I talk about normal marital hatred when you're in that dark phase. You hate your partner, that's okay. It's part of the deal for many of it. I've been going around the world talking about normal marital hatred for, oh my god, what? 30 years. ... It's okay, kids — don't sweat it. You can get through it. It's normal. Relax.”

Watch the whole clip here:

@timferriss
Therapist Terry Real on Normal Marital Hatred. (From my brand-new interview with Terry.) #couples #therapy

Commenters were, for the most part, in strong agreement with Real's blunt assessment.

"Hatred disappears when a person able to hold 2 truths simultaneously: I love you, I don’t like you now. Dialectical thinking"

"When people stop romanticizing relationships and realize you're relating to another autonomous human being, it's easier to understand, relate, love and also forgive."

"This is such an important topic that it's not talked about enough. Marriage is not some fairytale can't run away when you hate your partner because in a week you'll probably love them again."

"Hatred is a pretty strong word but I appreciate the concept behind the theory. My theory is space and grace. Grant each other a little space to cool down but the grace to come back and repair."

Others wondered if the term 'hatred' was really accurate, or maybe just a gimmick to make the concept more controversial and marketable:

"To me, hatred is too strong a word. I don’t hate my spouse. I often times do not like him, but I always love him. 33 years of a solid, loving marriage."

"Hatred is a brutal way to put it. Wrong word."

"I have NEVER hated my late husband of 16 years or my partner of 4 years! I have been utterly pissed at both hurt by them unclear if I can make it another day through xyz but not hate never hate"

It all begs the question: What are feelings of hatred, really?

marriage, couples, couples therapy, marriage advice, marriage tips, couples counseling, psychologist, therapist, divorce It's normal to be upset at or even dislike your partner sometimes. Is it really normal to hate them? Photo by Mattia on Unsplash

Not to be that guy, but Merriam-Webster defines hatred as: "Extreme dislike or disgust...ill will or resentment ... prejudiced hostility or animosity"

That sounds like a dangerous combination of feelings to feel toward your partner! Dislike or disgust? Maybe, in brief doses. But many experts say that resentment and animosity are very close cousins of the infamous Four Horsemen, or communication styles that can be predictive of divorce. The Four Horsemen are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. The Gottman Institute found that when these patterns show up regularly, even in just a single conversation, it often spells doom for the couple.

However, Real emphasizes that these negative feelings we might get toward our partner (the so-called hatred) are usually temporary, even appearing for just a brief moment or two.

Regardless of the terminology, Real is right about one thing: Normal, healthy marriages will have conflict and moments where partners don't like each other very much. Navigating them successfully is key.

Luckily, he has advice for that, too.

“In normal circumstances, if you’re unhappy with me, that is not the time for me to talk to you about how unhappy I am with you,” he said. “Everybody gets that wrong.”

In other words, these moments of dislike/hatred/disagreement/or whatever you want it call it should be opportunities for partners to listen to each other and not escalate the conflict into a power struggle. They are opportunities for better communication and for partners to better learn how to meet each other's needs.

Feeling that hatred is not the problem. Feeding it and allowing it to grow is what makes it really dangerous.

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Woman who traveled abroad for 2 weeks realizes why she can't marry an American man

"I'm actually embarrassed to talk about this."

via Canva/Photos

A woman holding back her laughter.

One of the biggest topics in parenting these days is the mental and physical drain that comes with being the default parent in a family. The default parent is the one who is first in line when it comes to taking responsibility for parenting duties, whether that means making doctor’s appointments, ensuring the homework is done, or making sure the child has enough socks to make it through the week.

Being the default parent can lead to fatigue and burnout, and the parent can experience incredible anxiety when their attention turns away from the household or family. The situation is even worse when the default parent’s partner only does the bare minimum. Unfortunately, in American society, fathers are often the parents who do just enough to get by and are praised for it.

The notion that men don’t have to pull their equal weight in American family life is so ingrained that when Emma Hughes, a travel nanny with over one year of experience in childcare and family support, visited Sweden for two weeks, she experienced extreme culture shock.

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A post shared by Emma Hughes (@nurturedbyemma)

"I've been in Sweden now and I think I've been ruined for American men," the 24-year-old said in a viral Instagram video. "Specifically raising a child with an American man in America, because these Scandinavian dads? Chef's kiss …"

"I'm actually embarrassed to talk about this because all of the observations that I've made have really revealed to me how deeply ingrained [expletive] dads have become like in my brain, and it's just like the default,” she continued.

The notion that fathers only have to do the bare minimum was so ingrained in Hughes’ psyche that she couldn’t understand seeing so many involved fathers in Sweden.

sweden, swedish dad, swedish fathers, soccer, swedish child A dad playing soccer with his child.via Canva/Photos

"When I see more dads pushing their strollers in the park on a Saturday morning than moms, what does my brain think … That's weird, there is something abnormal about that,” Hughes said. “When I see dads at the grocery store with their kids. When I see dads out at restaurants or in public. It is so deeply telling of a lot of subconscious stuff that I have going on in my brain after working with so many families."

She said that even the best dads she's worked with in America would be considered the "Scandinavian bare minimum." She applauded one Swedish father who purchased a new size of diapers for his baby without being told to do so by his partner.

swedes, swedish couple, scandanavia, swedish flag, happy swedes A couple holding up the Swedish flag.via Canva/Photos

"Like I watched a Swedish dad go to the grocery store and come home with like four bags of groceries and in that trip he had bought size two diapers for a baby that had previously been wearing size one and was ready to move into size two but that conversation had not happened between the mom and the dad,” she said.

Given Swedish dads' dedication towards their parenting responsibilities, it’s fair to assume that their partners are much happier and stress-free than those in the States. But what about their kids? Researchers at the United Nations who studied “child well-being in rich countries” found that Swedish fathers also ranked high by their children. The survey asked children in 28 countries if it was easy to talk to their dads, and while 67% of children in the study said their parents were easy to talk to, Swedish fathers scored higher at 72.4%. Meanwhile, the U.S ranked 25, out of 28, at just 59.7%.

sweden, swedish dad, swedish fathers, swedish child, dad reading note, A Swedish dad reading a note. via Canva/Photos

Ultimately, Hughes makes an important point that Scandinavian men have set a high bar for being fathers and that American men need to step up. The positive sign is that in America, the discussion around default parenting has been getting louder and louder, and hopefully, that will prompt more American men and women to set higher expectations so that one day, American men can catch Sweden’s.

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Mom gives uncomfortably honest, yet refreshing review of what doctors call the 'baby blues'

Your brain is going to turn against you.

Photo credit: Canva

Mom gives uncomfortably honest review of 'baby blues'

Most depictions of the early days of motherhood oscillate between blissful joy and utter exhaustion. There doesn't seem to be an in-between shown in the media often, and it's also not something generally talked about openly. Sure there may be people that openly share their struggles with postpartum depression but that's on the other end of the spectrum of typical "baby blues." When the hormonal phenomenon is mentioned, there's usually not enough detail given for new moms to know what to expect.

A writer, musician and brand new first-time mom, Sam, who goes by Sam Doll on social media, is ripping the lid completely off of "baby blues" with her unfiltered review of postpartum. Sam's son is just barely a few weeks old so not enough time has passed for the hormones to settle for the early days of motherhood to be overwritten by time gaps and dump truck loads of oxytocin. Babies have a way of making you forget the less pleasant parts of early parenting days. It's likely nature's way of making sure we will continue to procreate after the first child.

postpartum depression; baby blues; new parents; motherhood; new mom; parenting love and hip hop baby GIF by VH1Giphy

Thankfully for new moms looking to the Internet to find out what to expect or what others have experienced, Sam is telling it all. Her deadpan delivery makes the raw review all the more impactful. She starts the video with a warning to those thinking about having children–don't. Unless it's too late or you really, really want to.

"If you're thinking about giving birth, first of all, don't. Unless you really want to, it's too late and you're already doing it. I just want to tell you this so that you don't freak out. Well you're going to freak out...but so you don't freak out too much if this happens. Okay, so birth," Sam says speaking rapidly. As someone else on TikTok put it, birth is a near-death experience. But it's worse than that.It's actually borderline a thousand times worse because after you get home from your near death experience, you go insane. Doctors call it 'baby blues' which is a cute way of saying whether you like it or not your brain is going to turn against you and think the most psychotic thoughts you could possibly think."

postpartum depression; baby blues; new parents; motherhood; new mom; parenting woman kissing baby Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

The new mom goes on to explain different thoughts that might pop into a postpartum mom's head like, "Can I give this thing up for adoption?", "What are my outs here?", "What do I do? Also, who is this kid?" Sam says that she was expecting this magical made-for-television moment where she sees her baby for the first time and feels an instant connection. She thought her child would feel like something that was once missing and now completed her but instead her reality was much different. Sam would not have her Hallmark movie moment immediately after birth and it's a common experience.

According to the March of Dimes, 80% of postpartum people experience baby blues starting shortly after the birth of their child. Baby blues is a short-lived condition often caused by the rapid decrease in the hormones once used to maintain pregnancy. One of the main differences between baby blues and postpartum depression is the intensity and duration of symptoms. Postpartum depression can start at any point between one week to 12 months after giving birth while baby blues starts pretty immediately 2-3 days after birth and only last for a couple of weeks. Baby blues also doesn't involve scary thoughts or feelings of hopelessness.

@sam_d0ll the baby blues had me in a chokehold #storytime #fyp ♬ original sound - Felix bharbie

But some moms, like Sam, may feel a bit disconnected at first. "First of all, the first time I saw my baby I was on ketamine, so there was that but even after the come down, I was looking at him like 'who is this random baby? Who's this random baby?' Then I started panicking. I'm like uh-oh, I feel like this is a random baby. I don't feel like I think how I'm supposed to feel about it," she says before sharing that she compared her love for her dog to her baby making herself feel worse.

Sam explains that she cried for days believing that she loved her dog more than she loved her baby. Fearing she might be broken, the new mom reached out to other mothers who assured her that they too did not feel an instant connection with their first child. The normalcy was reiterated by people in her comments with one person writing, "Took me two weeks to (how I phrased it) 'decide to keep her.'"

postpartum depression; baby blues; new parents; motherhood; new mom; parenting Sleepy New Baby GIF by Zoey's Extraordinary PlaylistGiphy

"Wait THAT was “baby blues”?!? It took like 2ish months for me to love my baby. I felt like I was babysitting. I would cry wondering when her real mom was gunna come get her because surely that wasn’t me," someone else says.

"4 weeks postpartum with my second and sometimes I’m still like 'girl, when are your parents coming?'" another reveals.

"My brain was yelling 'RUN' for days. Baby was VERY much wanted and planned for. Hormones be crazy," one person chimes in.

"i am so glad i live in an age where mothers can be honest about motherhood. i don’t mean this lightheartedly: thank you for being so transparent," shares one more.

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Gen Xers and boomers discuss the pros and cons of life before cell phones

The answers are a mixed bag.

Photo credit: Canva

Life was dramatically different before and after smartphones came into our lives.

Isn't it wild that we're living in a time where a big chunk of the population knows what it's like to live in a world without cell phones and a big chunk don't and never will? Gen X was the last generation to have a fully cell-phone-free upbringing, and considering how much our modern phones have influenced life on Earth, that difference is significant.

It's wild to think that young people today have no concept of what life was like without cell phones being the norm. People with kids often share stories of trying to explain how we navigated without Google Maps or how we let someone know we were running late or what we did when we were standing in a long line. It's a whole new world, for better or for worse.

from AskOldPeople

Someone asked the /AskOldPeople subreddit, "Was it nice to live without cell phones?" and Gen Xers and boomers reminisced about the good and the bad of the disconnected life. Like most things, the transition to cell phone ubiquity has had its up sides and its down sides, which they tried to explain for the youngster who asked.

PROS OF LIFE BEFORE CELL PHONES

Not having your youthful stupidity recorded and broadcast

There were lots of shenanigans in the 70s, 80s, and 90s that no one will ever know about, thank goodness.

"I think one of the greatest perks of not having smart phones back then, is that all of the stupid things we did and said were not documented."

"I was SO cringe as a teenager. I’m glad there’s a very minimal digital footprint of that."

teens, hanging out, bowling, young people, fun Young people were free to just be without every move being documented.Photo credit: Canva

"I’d be in jail if I had a smart phone back then."

"Bwahahahahahahahah my husband and I were just talking about this. We are a fairly normal couple now with two children and a dog but Lord if there was video footage of things we did when we were in our twenties. I'm so glad that there's no evidence for our children to see the debauchery."

"I'd never be able to hold a job."

People enjoyed more face-to-face interaction

This is probably the most obvious pro of not having cell phones. People can still do this, of course, but we're not forced to.

"People hung out and interacted more. You didn’t see families at restaurants all looking at their phones. People were more connected on a personal level."

"Absolutely! If I were to take a photo in a restaurant today you’d see most people looking at their phones and not engaging. And a restaurant photo taken in the 70s, the only people I recall who didn’t engage with each other were older married couples. The differences are stark."

teens, hanging out, friends, playing outside, face to face Hanging out was just hanging out.Photo credit: Canva

"I struggled the first few years that phones were big when everyone was at thanksgiving staring at their phones and nobody was talking to each other. Now I’m used to it and heck I probably do it myself now..it becomes the new norm."

"Yes. I spent a lot more time staring into space and thinking when alone and it was wonderful. Also, not hearing from friends or dates after a day or so didn’t mean they hated me."

More freedom

In some ways, smartphones have opened up the world to us, but they've also created addictions and a style of life that's incredibly busy and overstimulating.

"Able to be actually completely unavailable. Reading books in my downtime. Silence. Darkness. True reflective solitude. Hell yeah it was good."

"GenX here. Things were more spontaneous. We’d leave messages and notes for friends. If you missed it, you missed it. We had more mental freedom. Meeting people was more fun. Making eye contact out at a nightclub or party was a thing."

"There was no anxiety when you left the house. You left the house and people knew you were leaving and then knew you weren’t gonna be back for a certain amount of time and if they had questions for you, they would have to wait until you got home. People had patience. Because you knew you could not get an answer in that exact second in that moment. The amount of people who get offended when you don’t text them back immediately is staggeringly stupid."

hanging out, face to face, socializing, friends, peers Before cell phones people hung out and were choosy with their photos.Photo credit: Canva

CONS OF LIFE BEFORE CELL PHONES

Lots of waiting around for people to call

Gen Z's minds are often blown trying to imagine not being able to text someone, much less having to just wait around by the phone for them to call.

"I recall sitting by the phone in the house for hours waiting for an expected call, wishing I could go out and do something. There was some good and some bad. We'd have loved to be able to contact friends without being home."

"That's what I remember too. And as a teen, relying on parents/siblings to give you messages back in the dark days before answering machines."

rotary phone, days before cell phones, waiting by the phone, no cell phones, home phones When you were waiting for a call, you had to stay close to the phone.Photo credit: Canva

"Back in 95, When I sent my mom a message on her pager to call me, I would never leave the phone. I would sit there waiting all night! Reading magazines most likely. Or drawing."

"I love this comment because now I'm remembering the downsides. My friends all out having fun without me because I wanted to stay home and see if a stupid boy was going to call me and my parents giving me crap about it. Also constantly fighting with my sister about being on the phone to the point that we had to have a timer for how long we could be on a single phone call. Or driving around looking for parties and trying to figure out where people were hanging out and just spending the whole Saturday in the car feeling frustrated because there was nothing to do. Still, I think it was mostly positive. We actually had to be with people without having to document everything or post it online."

Less safety and ease when traveling

Those who miss the pre-phone days may be forgetting what a pain it was to travel and how much less safe you felt if you got lost.

"I do a lot of traveling alone and if something happens to my car I make a phone call and get road service. That makes this phone priceless."

GPS, smartphone, google maps, navigation, safety Having a handheld GPS is pretty darn convenient.Photo credit: Canva

"My wife was being followed on her walk in a deserted park. The guy was getting very aggressive. She called me on her cell, then the police. I got there quickest and 'dealt' with the creep. My cousin had a blowout on the highway and went off the highway into a snow covered ditch. She used her phone to call for help and did not die in the -30 weather. I will take these obtrusive calls any day of the week. Like any other tool, it's how you use it. A good "do not disturb" setting with important people excepted from that list is the way to go. Overall, it is like any other tool - it's how you use it. As an older guy, the internet and smartphone is the best advance I have ever seen in technology and I embraced it from day one."

"It was awful. My town had no transit and you had to prearrange rides and miscommunication was common. Lots of yelling. And finding a location at night in the rain was horrible whereas Maps pinpoints your location and where you are trying to get to."

Many people miss the days before smartphones, but not cell phones

It's not so much the cell phones as it is the mini computers that we carry around with us now. The camera and Google Maps are great, but social media and carrying 24/7 news and all of the information in the world around with us is a lot.

"I'm not too nostalgic for a time before cell-phones, but I am nostalgic for the time before smart-phones. From ~1990 to ~2009, cell-phones were just what the name implies: mobile phones. But once smart-phones came out and social media exploded in popularity, they started actually changing the way human beings interact and behave and even how they think, and none of these changes were for the better."

flip phone, cell phone, calls, availability, no phones Many people would prefer flip phones to be the norm.Giphy GIF by Laff

"This is my take as well. I appreciated having a dumb cell phone in the 90s when I was a single woman when driving places alone late. I could call AAA from my car if my car broke down instead of walking to god knows where to find a pay phone to call. Smart phones + social media though have had a lot of downsides."

"This is such an important distinction. My first reaction reading the original post was all the stories of girls who walked home alone, couldn’t call for a safe ride and were never heard from again and all the times there was an accident and someone had to try to set off on foot to go get help. Cell phones are an amazing safety innovation. Smartphones are something different."

"I agree completely! I like very few things about smartphones... having Google Maps, but that's about it. I could have a flip phone and a Navman on my dash and never give a single fuck about "smart" phones ever again.

I hate what society and human interaction has become because of these things."

"Absolutely, there was a sweet spot when we had cell phones or gps (I used to get lost so much more) but before social media became so ubiquitous and employers expected you to be available 24/7. Miss those days!"

It truly is a mixed bag

One person's comment summed it all up quite perfectly:

"It's a mixed bag.

On the one hand, back in those days I had a lot less 'noise' coming at me all day. The phone ringing, texts coming in, emails, my company's instant messaging platform... none of those existed. Life was much quieter.

smart phone, cell phone, phones, distraction, connectednes Smart phones have made our lives both easier and more complex.Giphy GIF by Schitt's Creek

On the other hand, tasks that are simple and quick now were much harder then. The top one that comes to mind was just getting around a place I didn't know well. Having to pull out a map, try to figure out where I even was let alone where I was going, stopping to ask strangers for directions, driving to a phone booth so I could look up the address of a business in the Yellow Pages. Not knowing what restaurants are worth visiting in a new town and just having to wing it. It was a headache.

Sometimes I needed to get a hold of someone and just couldn't. Call, leave a voicemail, wait for a call back, hope I'm home and available to answer the phone when the return call happened.

Banking required going to the bank. Paying bills required writing a bunch of checks by hand, stamping envelopes, and going to the mailbox.

That said, even though these tasks are way easier and faster now, I don't have any more free time. I have less. Because we're expected to just cram more in our day."

Good or bad, better or worse, we live in a world where phones are so interwoven into our lives, using them wisely and judiciously is the most important thing.

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