This guy's response to his friends pressuring him to date is on point.

Love being single? Don't let anyone talk you out of it.

 Ben Thomas
10.26.16

When it comes to romance, I've been through just about every page in the book.

I've stayed in happy, long-term cohabiting partnerships that lasted years. I've had summer flings, one-night hookups, and long periods of serene solitude.

Each one of these experiences has been fun, fulfilling, and meaningful — solitude included.

When I say “solitude,” I don’t necessarily mean turning off my phone and escaping to a cottage in the mountains — though I’ve done that, too, and it can be wonderfully refreshing.

Photo via iStock.

What I’m talking about here is the simple choice to live a life free of romantic encumbrances, for as long as you want.

Everything in our culture screams out against singlehood, and it can be really frustrating.

Before we’re even old enough to understand what romantic love is, we’re bombarded with the idea that everyone has a soul mate just waiting to be discovered. Even as our friends reassure us that it’s important to be a healthy, self-contained person on one’s own, it’s never long before they’re asking: “So ... are you seeing anyone? What about that one guy or girl?”

We can’t avoid the stereotypes: the “crazy cat lady,” the “40-year-old virgin,” hinting that we can never be truly happy without That Special Someone to complete us.

And that’s just the pressure on the long-term romance level, too. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten incredulous looks from certain male friends when I say I have no interest in grinding up on that cute girl across the club. Yes, I can see she’s attractive. If I met her at a party, I might ask her to join me for a cup of coffee. We might hit it off. We might have great sexual chemistry and fall totally in love and move in together. Or we might not.

Photo via iStock.

But none of that makes a lick of difference to me right now because at this moment I am here to get loose on the floor — so leave me alone and let me dance.

Don’t get me wrong. Dates can be fun sometimes. But right now, I don’t want to spend 20 hours a week micromanaging my personal brand on dating websites.

I already have a full-time job. Managing a dating profile feels like tweaking marketing copy and handling a brand’s social media conversations (which is pretty much exactly what it is). You know what I’d rather spend my free time doing? Almost literally anything else.

I don’t want to meet hot, sexy singles in my area. I don’t want to booty-call a complete stranger. I don’t want to have lame hookup sex where the communication is terrible and we keep trying and failing to get the rhythm right, and then afterward we talk awkwardly only to realize we don’t have any interest in each other as human beings.

If that’s what you love, then more power to you. I really mean that. It’s your world, baby.

And for all I know, tomorrow I might make eye contact with a stranger on the street, get swept completely off my feet, and return to the Couple Zone full time. It’s not likely, but hey, quantum physics tells us there’s a theoretical possibility of anything happening at any time. I’m always open to new experiences.

But if you DON’T want to be in a relationship right now, then know that someone else is on your team.

Be proud of that choice! Own it. It’s yours.

Photo via iStock.

If you don't feel like having a one-night stand, don't. If you don’t feel like making a move on that cute guy or girl in the club, don’t. If you don’t want to spend time filling out a dating profile and swiping left and right for hour after hour — you guessed it: don’t. And be proud that you didn’t.

Don’t let your friends, or your culture, or anyone else tell you what you want. You’re the only person who knows. And if what you truly want is to be single right now, that’s damn awesome.

dating couples relationships single dating apps singlehood social pressure
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Young women across the globe share the pressures they face to get married and have kids.


Women around the world are constantly bombarded by traditional and outdated societal expectations when it comes to how they live their lives: meet a man, get married, buy a home, have kids.

Many of these pressures often come from within their own families and friend circles, which can be a source of tension and disconnect in their lives.

Global skincare brand SK-II created a new campaign exploring these expectations from the perspective of four women in four different countries whose timelines vary dramatically from what their mothers, grandmothers, or close friends envision for them.

SK-II had Katie Couric meet with these women and their loved ones to discuss the evolving and controversial topic of marriage pressure and societal expectations.

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"What happens when dreams clash with expectations? We're all supposed to hit certain milestones: a degree, marriage, a family," Couric said before diving into conversation with the "young women who are defining their own lives while navigating the expectations of the ones who love them most."

Maluca, a musician in New York, explains that she comes from an immigrant family, which comes with the expectation that she should live the "American Dream."

"You come here, go to school, you get married, buy a house, have kids," she said.

Her mother, who herself achieved the "American Dream" with hard work and dedication when she came to the United States, wants to see her daughter living a stable life.

"I'd love for her to be married and I'd love her to have a big wedding," she said.

Chun Xia, an award-winning Chinese actress who's outspoken about empowering other young women in China, said people question her marital status regularly.

"I'm always asked, 'Don't you want to get married? Don't you want to start a family and have kids like you should at your age?' But the truth is I really don't want to at this point. I am not ready yet," she said.

In South Korea, Nara, a queer-identifying artist, believes her generation should have a choice in everything they do, but her mother has a different plan in mind.

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"I just thought she would have a job and meet a man to get married in her early 30s," Nara's mom said.

But Nara hopes she can one day marry her girlfriend, even though it's currently illegal in her country.

Her mother, however, still envisions a different life for her daughter. "Deep in my heart, I hope she will change her mind one day," she said.

Maina, a 27-year-old Japanese woman, explains that in her home country, those who aren't married by the time they're 25 to 30, are often referred to as "unsold goods."

Her mom is worried about her daughter not being able to find a boyfriend because she isn't "conventional."

"I really want her to find the right man and get married, to be seen as marriage material," she said.

After interviewing the women and their families, Couric helped them explore a visual representation of their timelines, which showcased the paths each woman sees her life going in contrast with what her relatives envision.

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"For each young woman, two timelines were created. One represents the expectations. The other, their aspirations," Couric explained. "There's often a disconnect between dreams and expectations. But could seeing the difference lead to greater understanding?"

The women all explored their timelines, which included milestones like having "cute babies," going back to school, not being limited by age, and pursuing dreams.

By seeing their differences side-by-side, the women and their families were able to partake in more open dialogue regarding the expectations they each held.

One of the women's mom's realized her daughter was lucky to be born during a time when she has the freedom to make non-traditional choices.

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"It looks like she was born in the right time to be free and confident in what she wants to do," she said.

"There's a new generation of women writing their own rules, saying, 'we want to do things our way,' and that can be hard," Couric explained.

The video ends with the tagline: "Forge your own path and choose the life you want; Draw your own timeline."

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