People on LinkedIn are inventing nonsense business idioms, and they're too good not to use

It seems that the higher up you ascend in your career, the more you grow to love a good business catchphrase, buzzword, or idiom. Working in an office will have you saying things like "let's kick this off," "let's circle back on this," and "let's not boil the ocean here" in no time.

Idioms, while they can get annoying when overused (especially in the workplace), do serve a helpful purpose. They're a sort of fun shorthand, conveying a lot of meaning in a few words. While idioms act as analogies or metaphors that give more context to a situation, they also come with a lot of history: when you hear one, you remember all the times you've heard it before or even used it yourself. It instantly contextualizes what's going on and quickly helps us understand what someone may be communicating.

However, run-of-the-mill workplace idioms have gotten a little stale, to the point that many of them have become meaningless cliches. We could all use some new ones, and luckily, folks on social media are chiming in with some ridiculous creations of their own.

It all started when an X user named Tomie shared what would go on to become a hugely viral post: "I've started saying nonsense phrases at work like 'that's neither cheese nor cheddar' just to see my coworkers nod seriously like they understand."

Tomie added in another post, "Like woah there, pause the pineapples."

The post received nearly 2 million views and hundreds of comments on X. Soon, it made its way to the professional crowd on LinkedIn, where people began building on Tomie's original suggestions.

Daniel Berk added a few of his own:

"Let's not microwave the lasagna on this one."

"We might be polishing the doorknob instead of opening the door."

"This feels like we're alphabetizing water."

"Let's not put racing stripes on a parked car."

"That's a lot of garnish for no entrée."

"We're measuring the shadow, not the object."

Noah Latner chimed in with:

"Let's not settle in before we buy the house."

"That lollipop isn't worth the lick."

"You've got to put the patty on the grill before it sizzles."

"This banana's got no peel to it."

"Don't juice a pickle and tell me it's matcha."

Sally Thomas writes, "One of my finest achievements was in a previous company where the manager was full of buzzwords. I got him to adopt 'It depends how you fold your napkin' as a favourite saying."

Jennifer Connelly suggested: "Let's sauce these nugs later!"

Cameron Gibbons said, "I'm not sure where it started, but one exec at Google said 'let's double click into that' and it spread like wildfire through the org."

"That banana's got no peel to it." Giphy

Liora Kern cooked up a few idioms that paid homage to different languages and cultures:

"Dutch version:
1. That's a lot of hagelslag on a very thin slice of bread.
2. It's a three bicycles beat one car type of thing.

Belgian version:
1. We're agreeing on the fries because agreeing on the sauces is harder.
2. We're arguing over the glass instead of the beer."

"We’re arguing over the glass instead of the beer." Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

Here are a few more from the creative minds on X:

"The last nail is the rustiest one."

"Two claps and the goat's up the hill"

"Let's toss this idea into the piranha bin."

"I'm pulling the porcupine here."

"This is all bags and boxes."

"The proof is in the parmesan."

"There's a rock behind every bush."

"There's more to being a dog than sleeping under the porch."

The funniest part about these made-up, nonsense idioms is that they kind of make sense.

Some of the idioms brainstormed by random commenters are variations of existing catchphrases, or combinations of multiple different ones ("It's not exactly rocket surgery."). But many are complete gibberish, and yet our brains still seek out and manage to find some semblance of meaning in them.

YouTube English teacher Aly says that "corporate English" is like its own language. Speaking the secret code with confidence, and pretending to understand it even when you don't, are key to success. In fact, one recent study found that more than half of employees regularly "pretend" to be working. So if you've ever felt self-conscious because you were in over your head at work or didn't know what the higher-ups were talking about, rest assured there's a good chance they were faking it, too.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

One commenter on Tomie's original post summed it up perfectly: "Office culture accepts nonsense when said confidently and calmly."

Another added, "The only way to survive corporate America is to understand its 90% make believe."

Delivering a totally made-up, nonsense business idiom with full confidence is one sure way to make people perk up and take notice of how brilliant you are.