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Stop struggling with small talk by using the easy 'FLIP method'

This'll make your next party a lot easier.

small talk, conversation, communication tips
via CottonbroStudio/Pexels

Three people having a polite chat at a party.

There are numerous reasons why some don’t like making small talk. There are those of us who don’t enjoy it because, usually, it means having to feign interest in boring topics. Others don’t like small talk because they get nervous around strangers and are either afraid they’ll say something that makes them look dumb or that there will be a lull in conversation that makes every second feel like a decade.

The problem is that small talk is a fantastic interpersonal skill that can significantly benefit your professional life and make it easier to build relationships. The good news is that Oliver N Mark, a Substack user, created an easy-to-use script called the FLIP method that makes it easy to have small talk with just about anyone. You just have to remember the acronym: FLIP.

What is the FLIP method?

Oliver N Mark says that instead of “freezing up and overthinking,” he can now start and “hold conversations without forcing anything.” Here’s the FLIP method explained:

F – From → Ask about their background (“You sound like you might be from the UK?”)

L – Location → Use the environment (“What brings you here?”)

I – Interests → Find common ground (“What’s something you could talk about for hours?”)

P – Personalise → Make them feel seen (“That’s a cool necklace; does it have a story?”)


From

Everyone is from somewhere, and people’s origins are a big part of their identity, so you'll never go wrong asking someone where they were born.

“You sound like you are from New York.”

“Are you from around here?”

“When did you move here, or were you always from Los Angeles?”

Location

Even if you just met someone, you both have something in common. You are in the same place. Use that to your advantage by asking some location-based questions.

“Do you come here often?”

“What do you think of the artwork at this place?”

“What brings you here?”



Interests

Everyone loves to talk about their hobbies, the things they follow, or they love to read about. When they start talking, be sure to practice active listening, as the conversation could take an entirely new direction at any moment.

“What could you talk about for days?”

“What’s the last book you’ve read?”

“What do you do in your spare time?”

Personalize

Everyone loves the unique feeling of being noticed. If you genuinely point out something unique about someone, they'll really appreciate the compliment.

“Those are some great-looking shoes. Where did you get them?”

“You have a soothing accent. Where are you from?”

“What’s the story behind your tattoo?”

Another popular method for making small talk, similar to Oliver N. Mark’s FLIP method, is the FORD method, which stands for Family, Occupation, Recreation, and Dreams.


How much should I listen versus talk in a conversation?

Also, it’s essential not to forget that one of the most important aspects of making great small talk is being a good listener. But how long should you listen versus talk? A 2016 study on sales calls published by Gong.io found that interactions in which the salesperson talked 43% of the time and listened 57% of the time had the highest sales yield. This is known as the 43:57 rule and is a great one to follow if you want to make a great impression on someone.

Mastering the art of small talk can be a massive game-changer for your personal and professional life. Hopefully, you will find that the FLIP and FORD methods help you have more relaxed, natural conversations. It’s a little tricky at first, but with a little practice, you should be able to turn small talk into meaningful conversations and joyful relationships.

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5 ways people are going "all in" this week

From the silliest to the most sentimental, there are so many ways people are going “all in” on the internet this week. Here are our five favorites.

True

There's something truly special about watching someone go "all in." This could mean throwing an elaborately themed birthday party for a Chihuahua (see below) or something a little simpler, like surprising someone with a long-anticipated birthday present. Whatever it is, going "all in" means total commitment—no holding back, no second-guessing, just passion and full-throttle enthusiasm. It means being fully present in the moment and creating something truly special as a result.

In this roundup, we’ve scoured the internet for the best examples of people going all in—those moments where passion, creativity, and total commitment take center stage. Some are silly, some are sentimental, but all of them are a reminder that giving 100% is the only way to truly leave a mark on this world. Buckle up—these folks didn’t just show up, they went all in.

1. The guy who learned Mandarin to propose

@yinrun_hello He secretly learned Chinese to Propose 😭😭😭 #fiance #proposal #engagement #love ♬ pluto projector - ☆

Talk about commitment. Getting married is the ultimate example of being "all in," but this guy takes it to a whole other level. Shared to social media by content creator Yinrun Huang, the emotional video captures a marriage proposal that's completely in Mandarin from a non-native speaker. That's right—this guy learned a whole language (and executed it pretty well) to win his girlfriend's hand in marriage. Not only are the words beautiful, his dedication is, too.

2. Kid-approved snacks that help local communities  

It’s scientifically proven that kids are brutally honest, unfiltered, and don’t hold back—which is why our friends at All In couldn’t resist sitting down with this group and getting their honest opinion. Are these snack bars really that good?

The Bite Size Board has spoken—and they’re all in. Not only are these snack bars delicious, they’re also an easy way to help people in need: Every time you buy a bar, 2% goes to a community to help them get fresh food.

Want to try these Board-approved treats? Snag a free box by signing up with your phone number on Aisle. Then grab two boxes of All In bars at Sprouts, snap a picture of your receipt, and text it through Aisle. They’ll Venmo or PayPal you back for the cost of one box. Easy and delicious.

3. This Chihuahua’s extravagant birthday bash

@phoebeparsons__ Tell me you’re a DINK family without telling me #chihuahua #dink #mexican ♬ EVERLASTING LOVE - GROWS

Do you love your dog? Would you throw a birthday party for them? How about a full-out celebration in a Mexican restaurant that includes banners, party hats, and the entire restaurant serenading him? Yeah, we thought not. These pet owners are absolutely "all in" on this dog's birthday, and we love to see it. Not only is this celebration extravagant and clearly well thought-out, people in the comments section are jokingly pointing out that taking a Chihuahua to a Mexican restaurant is a nod to the dog's cultural heritage. If that was intentional, this might be the best dog birthday party we've ever seen.

4. Truly unhinged (and maybe true?) Taylor Swift theories

@grindcitymedia did taylor swift drop super bowl hints? 😲 #swifties #nfl #taylorswift ♬ original sound - grindcitymedia

OK, whether you love Taylor Swift or not, you have to admit that her fans (known as “Swifties”) have an incredible commitment to the fandom (and an eye for detail). Case in point: Last week on her boyfriend’s podcast, Taylor announced the upcoming release of her new album, The Life of a Showgirl. The news was responsible for breaking the internet, and also for spurring a ton of fan theories about the future album and her future performances. In case you didn’t know, Swift is famous for dropping “Easter eggs” that hint at things she’ll be doing in the future, such as when she kept flashing peace signs and dropping the number 2 in her instagram posts in the weeks leading up to her double album “The Tortured Poets Department” in April 2024. This time, Swifties have taken to social media to discuss potential Easter eggs that were hidden throughout her podcast appearance. The latest theory? Her constant references to sourdough bread were actually Easter eggs hinting at a 2027 Super Bowl Halftime performance. Only time will tell if that's accurate, but the enthusiasm, the attention to detail, and the hours of research that must have gone into all these fan theories is truly something to behold.

5. This dirt bike birthday surprise 

@dmndboys_

This is why I look forward to fatherhood 🔥

♬ original sound - dmndboys_

These parents didn't give their kid a birthday present—they gave him the best birthday present of all time. Not only did the setup require a lot of thought and planning, but check out this kid's reaction. You can tell this was something he'd been wanting for a long time. Going "all out" and getting such a great response in return—it's something amazing to see.


Snag your free (!!) snack bars here while this deal lasts.

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Man reluctantly lets teens use his door camera to film a music video. It turned into a masterpiece.

"This gives me hope about the next generation of music," one viewer wrote.

@maplespetdinosaur/Instagram

The kids are alright!

The ‘90s/’00s music scene, especially genres like emo, pop-punk, and nu-metal, have been making a comeback—since the peak of COVID 19, really. Which makes a lot of sense. These styles originally emerged from a time of political and social upheaval as a way for young people to process what insanity was happening all around them and find a healthy way to let out their rage. This music still serves that purpose today, but with the added nostalgic effect of an “old-school” feel.

One teen band, called Maple’s Pet Dinosaur, has perfectly captured this gritty, retro vibe, not just in their now mega-viral song, “Lego,” but in the way they shot their music video…which just so happened to be filmed entirely on a neighbor's ring camera.

In the video, we see lead singer Maple Johns asking though the camera, “is it okay if we use your ring to make a music video, please?” to which the homeowner reluctantly replies, “Uh…yeah I guess…” (Is this part staged? Who knows? Who cares! It adds an awesome touch)

The band then immediately rocks out to a snippet from their song, which very much aligned with their ‘90s inspirations, which include Faith No More, Beastie Boys, and L7.

Watch:

Wasn’t that rad? Having it filmed via the ring cam gives such a fish-eye lens vibe, which all of us olds know is very apropos for the vibe they were going for. Many were even reminded of punk rock icons like Paramore and Avril Lavigne.

All in all, the video left viewers inspired for the future.

“Kids these days, you absolutely have to love their ingenuity. This generation rocks.”

“This gives me hope about the next generation of music. I legitimately enjoyed this song. And I can’t wait to see the whole video.”

'90s, band, music video, music, kids, pop punk Music video shot in fish-eye lens. media4.giphy.com

“Kids making garage bands a thing again is making this year a little better for me.”

In the comments section, the band shared that, like a lot of teens during lockdown, they began watching—and falling in love with— 90s/00s music videos, and were definitely trying to tap into that aesthetic for their own music. Mission accomplished.

'90s, gen alpha, kids, teens, cool, kids, alright The kids are all alright. media0.giphy.com

Pop-punk music has always been a distinct blend of catchy, dance-able (or at least headbang-able) beats paired with pretty emotionally raw lyrics depicting angst, heartbreak, and rebelling against the status quo. “Lego” certainly follows suit, as Johns said the song is a “bully diss track.”

“It’s for anyone who’s ever felt targeted and wants to fight back. A lot of songs about this topic are ‘in your feelings’ type ballads but I wanted to deliver a bully-beat down, a heavy ‘f*** you’ to anyone out there who tries to kill another person’s vibe and confidence. Writing this song gave me the strength to set boundaries and find my own people. Now I want to build that community further through this music.” (Life without Andy)

Just when you thought rock was dead, the kids prove they’ve got it handled. Give “Lego” a listen on Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes, and more.

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British people love teasing their friends and say it actually creates deeper bonds and loyalty

"If I’m nice to you we have a problem."

Canva

A kid gets teased by classmates. Union Jack and American flags.

According to a meme making the rounds on social media, if you playfully mock your friends, you're "300 percent" more likely to be honest, loyal and have deeper bonds with them. But here's the catch. That number seems to have been pulled from thin air, as no one can find an actual source for that statistic.

What IS true, however, is that some researchers do believe that playful teasing can be a good thing. In his article for Psychology Today, Dr. Peter Gray Ph.D cites psychologist Dacher Keltner who claims teasing is "an intentional provocation accompanied by playful off-record markers that together comment on something relevant to the target."

But what was especially interesting about this false data making the rounds was how differently people responded to it. In particular, Americans and Brits/Aussies seemed to have very different points-of-view, at least on this Instagram thread.


Gray suggests that teasing amongst the people closest to you can take the form of showing someone you accept them despite their flaws. It can also serve as means to humble one another, encourage positive change and even test the boundaries of the relationship. "Teasing can be a sign of affection, a constructive form of criticism, or a cruel put-down. It can also be a semi-competitive verbal game, in which the players are testing one another’s abilities to keep cool in response to provocation and provide clever responses."

teasing, playful, joking, friendships An animated girl teases someone. Giphy

It's also noted how vital it is that the person on the receiving end of the "tease" understands the assignment. If their perception of the "jokes" is negative, or they're feeling sensitive, (particularly if there are third-party witnesses) the teasing slips quickly into bullying. In the study, "The Role of a Bystander in Targets’ Perceptions of Teasing Among Friends: Are You Really Teasing Me?" researchers Ildo Kim and Nicholas A. Palomares note, "Given the provocation goals involved in teasing, being teased in the presence of a third party could be undesirable to a target. The target’s response can differ depending on who the third party is (e.g., another close friend, an acquaintance, a stranger)."


After posting two women citing this stat on the @longevityxlab, the comment section was off to the races.

A handful of people pushed back against the notion, some simply writing, "No." One, (and we can't completely confirm that this person is American) writes, "I really doubt this in most cases. I have a doctorate in clinical psychology that I earned 4 decades ago. Saying hurtful things to one another is just hurtful. I think men pretend to be comfortable with it because it seems 'manly.' There are so many positive things to say to people we love. Maybe these friends are LOYAL to the friends who passively allow them to poke fun at them. I’d like to see the research."

Referring to the naysayers, one writes, "I’m assuming most of the comments are from Americans. In Britain we know this to be true. You only rip the piss out of your closest friends."

This commenter concurs. "Indeed I’m a Brit who lives in Australia. If I’m nice to you we have a problem."

This one gets more specific. "If mates don’t call you a K--b-head or a B-----d at least once when you are in their company, are they even friends?"

Of course, it's not just Brits and Aussies. People from all over the world including those from France, Brazil and Ireland commented that they essentially see playful teasing as their love language, as well. Obviously not ALL, and plenty of Americans take part in ribbing one another.

Ricky Gervais discusses American vs. British humor. www.youtube.com

But what can be confirmed is that many Brits truly enjoy the "insult" play. It's just a thing they often do. In the op-ed "The Difference Between American and British Humour" for Time Magazine, comedian Ricky Gervais writes of his fellow Brits, "We tease our friends. We use sarcasm as a shield and a weapon. We avoid sincerity until it’s absolutely necessary. We mercilessly take the piss out of people we like or dislike basically. And ourselves. This is very important. Our brashness and swagger is laden with equal portions of self-deprecation. This is our license to hand it out."

He further assures Americans, "This can sometimes be perceived as nasty if the recipients aren’t used to it. It isn’t. It’s play fighting. It’s almost a sign of affection if we like you, and ego bursting if we don’t. You just have to know which one it is."

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Bizarre photo of Adele's face explains the viral phenomenon called the Thatcher effect

The 45-year-old optical illusion is still astounding people.

Credit: Condé Nast (through Vogue Taiwan)

Prepare to get Thatcherized.

Adele has a face that is chiseled into the public's mind. She's been a global icon for two decades with a number of mega hit albums and songs. But this photo might be the most unforgettable of all. Perhaps you’ve seen the image in question previously (it seems to make the rounds every couple of years). But in case you missed it—it’s Adele’s face. Normal, just upside down.

Only it’s not normal. In fact, when you turn Adele’s face right side up, what you notice is that her eyes and mouth were actually right-side up THE ENTIRE TIME, even though the entire head was upside down. So when you turn the head right side up, the eyes and mouth are now UPSIDE-DOWN—and you can’t unsee it. Do you feel like you're Alice in Wonderland yet?

Just wait. Things get even more fascinating. Especially because this optical illusion is over 40 years in the making.

Below you’ll find the Adele photo in question. Go ahead. Take a look at it. Then turn the image upside down.


adele, thatcher effect, psychology Can't. Unsee.scontent-lax3-2.xx.fbcdn.net

Crazy right? And just a little terrifying?

As the Facebook post explains, this mind-boggling image highlights a phenomenon known as the Thatcher effect. Our brains, so much more used to recognizing faces that are right-side up, have difficulty detecting specific changes once a face is upside down.

margaret thatcher, colleage of thatcher photos, thatcher effect Image manipulation illustrating the Thatcher effect. Rob Bogaerts Image manipulation: Phonebox

Seeing that everything is more or less where it should be, our brains don’t notice anything out of the ordinary in Adele’s face until we turn her face back to a normal position.

The Thatcher effect got its name from British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, on whose photograph it was first demonstrated back in 1980 by Peter Thompson, Professor of Psychology at York University.

This demonstration was one of the first to explore just how facial recognition works, and certainly the first to suggest that humans (and monkeys, it turns out) process faces on a more holistic level, rather than by individual components like lips and eyes. There's even evidence that rhesus monkeys and chimpanzees experience the Thatcher effect, meaning it may have deep roots in the evolutionary biology of mammals.

Since its publication, there has been a wealth of research exploring how our brain takes in both subtle and striking facial configurations.


- YouTube www.youtube.com


Funny enough, it was once believed that this illusion only worked on the Prime Minister’s face. But as Adele has proven, anyone can be Thatcherized.

This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Woman with terminal brain tumor shares her truly inspiring outlook on finding meaning in life

"Pretty soon, all the beautiful days stacked up into a beautiful life."

Photo Credit: Amber Stratton

A woman is living her best life, despite terminal health issues.

Amber Stratton had her world turn upside down nearly five years ago. She was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer and she fought it with every tool in the proverbial medical tool box. After chemo and a double mastectomy, it remained—so she did it again, along with radiation, and was finally deemed cancer-free in early 2022.

That is until two months later when she was told she had a terminal brain tumor. Her prognosis? About two years to live. But there has been something inside of her, despite such a scary diagnosis, that drives her to grab every day and fill it up to the brim with joy. She lives each day as fully as she doubling down on wearing pink and going all in on motorsports.

Amber Stratton, brain tumor, living life, positive thinking, cancer Amber Stratton stays extremely active in the face of health issues. Phtoto Credit: Reddit, Amber Stratton

Upworthy first reached out to Stratton last November via Reddit after she posted "Yearly post, 3 years into terminal brain tumor. Beating the odds and loving life!" She (like many) didn't realize there was a direct messaging system on the site but responded just last week with the subject header, "I'm still alive, woo hoo!"

We had the honor of talking to her about how she's doing and, more specifically, how she has trained herself to live in a present state with true grace that makes all the past hardships and future prognoses seem blurry in comparison to the crystal clarity of what this exact moment holds.

Stratton encourages others facing similar battles on Reddit, in particular commenting on a post to someone struggling with positivity. She writes, "A friend of mine I met in a support group told me to just 'live a beautiful day and then another.'"

We asked her about this and she responded, "I started telling myself I wanted to live a beautiful day and then another and pretty soon all the beautiful days stacked up into a beautiful life."

She says this way of thinking anchors her. "It helped me focus on the day in front of me and not worry about the future or things outside of my control. And on those days, I told myself I would do something I loved, something for someone else, or learn something new each day. I gotta tell you that’s been a blast and I think a fun way to live."

When asked for specifics on the new things she's tried, Stratton reeled off a list of exciting ventures. "I started riding stand-up jet skis shortly after the brain tumor and fell in love. Then tried snowmobiles and got to build a vintage snowmobile with my husband this winter and race it on ice 100 miles, which was super fun. I plan to race this winter too. And I got into riding dirt bikes and rock climbing. My husband taught me to weld, which was challenging since I have vision loss, haha, but I’m getting the hang of it. And I bought a 1971 Chevy I’m learning to put an engine in. We’re doing an LS swap."

Amber Stratton, cancer, brain tumor, best life, gratitude. Amber Stratton poses with her Chevy truck and dog. Photo Credit: Amber Stratton

She also discusses how her diagnosis has helped her sift through what really matters: time and how we spend it. "I spent time traveling with my mom and fishing with my boys and… just living."

This doesn't mean she lacks awareness of what's going on in her body; her reality gives her perspective. "Cancer changes you and being aware that you're living with a ticking time bomb in your head gives you perspective. I have two boys who are now 7 and 9 and I want them to see me as someone who didn’t give up, no matter what the odds. And even if my body shuts down eventually, I won’t let the cancer take my spirit and who I am while I’m here. Then the cancer wins and I’m so much more than cancer. I’m going out living full and if I live a long time well, then heck yeah it will be an awesome ride!"

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Woman shares the shockingly tone deaf notes a company accidentally sent her after job interview

They said she "lacked energy."

Photo credit: Canva

Most of the time we're left in the dark as to how a job interview went.

So much of job hunting often feels like putting a ton of energy out into the ether. You have no idea if your resume is getting looked at, you never hear back after sending out application after application, and you end up wondering if the job you applied for even really exists. Even if you do make it to an interview, there’s rarely any feedback that comes after it, let alone a job offer.

Well, one job candidate did receive some post-interview feedback—albeit by accident—and it raised a dilemma about what to do next.

On Reddit, the candidate explained that after logging off of a Zoom interview, which they thought went pretty well, they noticed that the company they applied to unwittingly sent them not only a full rundown on the interview (including their thoughts on the job candidate), but a to-do list for the week as well.

job hunting, job interview, interview tips, finding a job, job tips, finding a job "I wonder if I just need to kick it up a notch?!”Photo credit: Canva

Much to their surprise, the company wrote that the OP “lacked energy” and was “more subdued” than other candidates.

“I suppose it’s not the worst feedback but it sucks to hear I don’t have this “energy” they’re looking for. I’m always super calm in interviews and generally laid back, so I wonder if I just need to kick it up a notch?!” they wrote.

In a “spicy update,” this person gave even more context alongside a surprising discovery: they noticed that there was also a video of their conversation. In it, the executive director actually commended this person for their "chillness." The other newly hired director, however, was the one that remarked that the OP’s communication skills "felt like pulling teeth." Only then did the executive director have a change of heart, saying their "energy was muted."

Then there was talk of which restaurant to eat at for a team dinner, and the difficulties of getting a dog sitter. Wow.

job hunting, job interview, interview tips, finding a job, job tips, finding a job “I suppose it’s not the worst feedback but it sucks to hear" media4.giphy.com

To make matters more complicated, this person was still invited to an in-person interview, which left them wondering, “Do I just pretend I didn’t see the recap and change up my personality for this next meeting?! Has anyone else accidentally received feedback after an interview?”

Turns out, similar situations have happened to several people.

"This actually happened to me a couple of months ago. I was the only woman among three men interviewing for the same role. An interviewer accidentally sent me all our feedback. It was interesting to catch his bias because what he criticized me for, he praised in another candidate. It was a blessing in disguise because I thought I was coming across as thoughtful and measured, but his comments were that I was 'meek.' Where I was 'hesitant,' the other candidate 'put thought into it.’ Mind you, this guy didn’t ask any questions and said he knew nothing about the job. It was on me to ask him questions, and he was going to judge based on that. WTF. I was (and am) annoyed by it, but it was an interesting lesson."

"This happened to a friend of mine in 2021. I said, consider it free career advice. He did, addressed the points, and landed a better job."

"I’ve had this happen to me. They put me on hold on Zoom and started chatting with each other about me in the chat box. They didn’t exclude me from it, so I saw everything. Luckily, it was all good things, but I didn’t like the unprofessionalism in that."

"This happened to me once! The feedback was generally very positive, but there were some technical questions I stumbled a bit on. I knew I did this during the interview, too, so it was a fairly good representation of how I thought I did. I did take a job there, and they definitely knew they accidentally sent it (and were mortified)! I brought it up regularly in good fun and likely during the in-person interview because that’s who I am."

For some, the “feedback” they got was even more outrageous than noting lackluster energy.

job hunting, job interview, interview tips, finding a job, job tips, finding a job "They put me on hold on Zoom and started chatting with each other about me in the chat box." media4.giphy.com

"This happened to me once, but the feedback was, 'She seems great, but has a HUGE gap in her teeth.' I can confirm I do have a gap in my front teeth, but it's similar to Madonna's. It was so bizarre. I sent a very snarky response back telling them that they should contact HR about a course in professionalism and asked to be withdrawn from the application process."

"I know someone who was immediately fired for accidentally sharing a notes document on interview candidates that had details about age relative to the other candidates. The candidate saw that the note about them said something like 'older.' They sued the company and won."

By and large, people suggested that the OP definitely use the information to their advantage, but advise against trying to get in with a company that would make such egregious offenses.

That said, the OP ended up getting their “dream job” before that second interview, so it’s probably all a dodged bullet.

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