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Unconventional but non-negotiable things people require in a partner

"Do you believe in dinosaurs?"

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Photo credit Canva

Couple on an enjoyable dinner date.

Finding the perfect partner might take an entire lifetime. Some people discover their high school sweetheart who brings them all the way to the finish line. Others find themselves searching for that relationship well into adulthood. Still others are never able to find the perfect match.

It takes time to truly understand the qualities a person wants in a prospective partner. It can be the failed relationships of the past or valuable therapy sessions that uncover the perfect ideals we seek.

In a r/AskReddit thread, an important question was posed: "What is your unconventional 'I need this in a partner' that you will not negotiate on?" People offered up some really unique and insightful opinions.

dinosaurs, flat earther, intellignece, cognitive processing, belief systems, historical accuracies, reality Dinosaur bones.Photo credit Canva

"The Dinosaur Test"

There can be numerous details that signal compatibility. One consistent idea was shared intelligence and belief systems. A 2022 study in Stanford Medicine found that marital relationships were more successful when partners shared similar cognitive processing. Relationship happiness was affected by higher synchronization and similar neural response times.

Here are some of the more intellectually inclined responses:

"This is weird, but it’s a question I always ask right away: if they believe in dinosaurs. I once dated a guy so religious he didnt believe they existed because they are not mentioned in the Bible. Now I make sure they have the minimum level of intelligence."

"Has to share my annoyance at historical inaccuracies."

"I need a partner who loves learning, not their own dogmatic interpretation of reality."

"I would argue that flat earth is an order of magnitude worse... Whereas with the spherical earth, I have done the research. I can see the moon, sun, and some of the planets are spherical. I don't have good enough a telescope for then all I've been out in the ocean. I can perform the thought experiment 'if gravity doesn't exist, and everything just falls down, why do i fall faster than the ground when i jump' and 'why hasn't all the water fallen over the edge?'"

"I was coming here to say 'they must be willing to learn' but this sums it up perfectly."

"If I was on a date and somebody asked me if I believe in dinosaurs I'd be like 'you mean do I believe in dinosaurs achieving their goals and dreams?'"

juggling, skills, unique talents, habits, gifts, focus, abilities, training, party tricks A jump and juggle.Photo credit Canva

"Special Set of Skills"

Some people are just a little more uniquely talented than others. There can be physical gifts or habits that have developed abilities the typical person may never acquire. A 2025 study in the National Library of Medicine found that engaging in novel activities can reduce boredom and improve relationship quality.

"Ok. Its kinda weird but I find juggling hot. Theres something both absolutely mesmerizing about it and the whole being able to concentrate and focus so well is just a crazy turn on. My partner doesnt do it often but lord when I catch him doing it. Mmm."

"i love weird hobbies! doesnt matter if im into them at all - i will enjoy it! harmonica playing, figurine painting, aquascaping, mushroom growing, unicycle riding... its the unashamed passion that gets me. Well, that and the fact that i have my own weird hobbies"

"As someone who unexpectedly crushed on three separate men with circus and French clown training in my 20s: I know exactly what you mean. Invite me to stand on your shoulders at the end of a date?"

"Occasionally I juggle things like potatoes or tennis balls to make sure I still can. I also juggle in front of people as a party trick. I always thought that it would be amusing at best and a silly thing that people will try to see if they can do it as well. I never thought that it would be a turn on for somebody."

widow, widower, grief, traumatic experience, couple, dual-trauma, spouses, death The widow.Photo credit Canva

"Widow meets Widower"

Finding a connection through shared traumatic experiences, some argue, is a valuable benefit when seeking a partner. A 2025 study in Sage Journals reported that "dual-trauma" couples revealed increased emotional difficulties, relational dysfunction, and intimacy issues. Here is what some Redditors had to say about it:

"As a widow, I feel like I'd need a widower. It seems like we'd both be a bit more understanding of each other."

"I think one of the biggest challenges is not just empathizing with the loss, but understanding that you may never take their place."

"Divorced is not the same as widowed- I promise"

"For perspective I was widowed at 37 2.5 years years ago . Left with three kids ages 5 to 16. His death was sudden. I am now 40 and have an amazing man in my life . Was never married nor had kids . He has taken us all on with nothing but love and kindness . He even honors their father and his memory. Sometimes, someone with just a kind gentle soul, with no background in anything like yours , comes along! So while widowers may understand better , some who haven’t been down that same hurt road understand and go above and beyond too !"

"I can imagine how hard it would be with a non-widowed partner who starts feeling insecure about the deceased spouse, comparing themselves to them, etc. Then the whole removing remnants of them in the house thing. I wouldn't be able to handle that."

"I'm a widow (5 years) in a two-year relationship with a widower (3 years), and it is perfect for us. Our late spouses are an important part of our lives, and we talk about them (and even to them) frequently. We understand the grief of not only losing our beloved spouses, but also losing the future we planned with our life mates."

adventure, vacations, travel, mountains, psychological well-being, mood, life satisfaction, restless Overlooking a mountain adventure.Photo credit Canva

"The Mobile Adventurer"

People can get a bit restless if they aren't allowed to get out into the world and stretch their legs. A 2021 study in Science Direct suggested people drawn to adventure and travel showed overall improved psychological wellness and significantly boosted mood and life satisfaction.

"I need someone who either understands and supports my need to occasionally disappear into the mountains for days on end, or will do it with me."

"I disappear every year into rural India. Keeps me sane the other 11 months. It's non-negotiable. I save all year so it doesn't financially affect anyone else. My husband is welcome to come with me if he wants and we can afford it."

"I also work remotely, so I can move year after year. I don't think living like that year round is in the cards for me, but a good break every so often where I can get away from it all while still working would be so peaceful."

"Yup. I go on all day bike rides some times. Ex get up at 5 and bike to the next state line and then take the long way home. My husband told me when we first started dating that his friends thought I might be cheating. He told them that I actually was working out"

"There are just a few people in the world who I’ve met who I could tolerate along side me disappearing into the mountains but it’s nice to see that it’s not such an uncommon need"

"Initially this caused some insecurity with my current partner but after he joined me a few times he understands it now. I just need to disappear into the wilderness."

feet, couples, monogamy, polyamorous, committed relationship, multiple partners, intimate activities, sex Looks like 6 feet under the covers.Photo credit Canva

"Love is a Potluck"

For some, there can be only two people in an intimate relationship. Others want the ability to have multiple partners. A 2025 study in Phys.Org investigated which type of relationships are more successful. It concluded that unconventional relationships are just as satisfying as monogamous partnerships. A healthy relationship structure shares similar characteristics, such as honesty, communication, trust, and clear boundaries.

"I've never been open to non monogamy when I'm in a committed relationship. I'm either single and do whatever or I'm all in."

"Human relationships have no set rules, of any kind. The ones we made up about romantic relationships being a distinct kind of relationship, and about sex being an intimate activity that is completely distinct from other intimate activities, are made up. Of course they are different, but they do not warrant another set of rules completely just because they are a different thing."

"I don't do monogamy, that's the first bar to clear."

"Unconventional? I guess some people find my requirement for polyamory/ or at the very least some form of ethical non monogamy unconventional, although I find it normal."

"I want a partner who will at least be down to go to a swingers club with me."

random likes, giphy, games, cute, meme, playful, Yankees, sports "Bow chicka bow wow!" media0.giphy.com

"Some Random Needs"

People can hold a wide range of unique desires. These feelings often determine whether someone is more likely to enter into a relationship. Here are some more out-of-the-box ideas offered by Redditors:

"I love watching period shows and googling along to see what really happened."

"I only date mathematicians"

"Ability to make decent potato salad."

"I look for the ability to make pancakes."

"I can’t date someone with a racist family."

"They gotta be like, unquestionably an asset not a liability in a zombie apocalypse"

"Loose cartilage in the tip of their nose so it wiggles a little when they talk."

"He needs to have so much body hair people should question if he’s really human."

"Left my last girlfriend because she did completely open anything... i hate having that tin foil cover under the lid to the sour cream. Its now a requirement, and the first thing i ask about anybody i date."

"Sleeping in separate rooms. I am an extremely sensitive sleeper and for the life of me cannot fall asleep if someone else is in the room."

"For me, it's fear of birds. What a freaking turn off it is to feel your man flinch while making out because a bird in a cage chirped."

"I can’t be with a man who wears pointy-toed shoes. Or boots. It’s just a gut feeling. I just can’t trust a man with witchy feet."

"How they drive is really important to me. If they tailgate, have road rage, or speed up when people try to pass them, I’m out."

"Gotta like horror movies. I spend a lot of time watching or reading horror."

stronger relationships, virutes, truth hurts, best interests, dating, high value, needs Two people sharing a milkshake. Photo credit Canva

Whatever your particular quirks and needs, bringing them to the table early is probably in your best interest. A 2025 study in University Lab Sites found that telling the truth, especially about sensitive and even potentially threatening topics, contributed to stronger relationships. Honesty is a highly valued virtue that benefits all relationships, even when the truth may hurt.

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From trials to treatments: one family's journey with "Brittle Bone Disease"

For Alex and his family, osteogenesis imperfecta spans four generations — and Shriners Children’s has been there every step of the way with life-changing care.

Four generations, one diagnosis: A family’s lifelong journey with “Brittle Bone Disease”
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Like his mom, grandma and great-grandma before him, Alex was born with a condition called osteogenesis imperfecta, otherwise known as “brittle bone disease.” For every family member before him, the condition meant a lifetime of broken bones, hospital visits, and constant worry — but that story is now changing. With the support from Shriners Children’s™, Alex is experiencing a level of freedom and quality of life that former generations had only hoped for.

A family affair

Alex’s family’s story began in 1934, when his great-grandma June started fracturing her bones at the age of 10. June would be nearly a teenager before she received a diagnosis of osteogenesis imperfecta — and, with that, she became one of the first patients with the condition to be treated at Shriners Children’s.

June’s daughter, Wanda, was diagnosed with the same condition at Shriners Children’s shortly before she was born in 1955. Like her mom Wanda spent a significant part of her childhood in the hospital, often watching her siblings line up outside the hospital window to wave and wish her luck between surgeries.

When Wanda’s daughter was born, Chandra spent years undergoing treatment at Shriners Children’s for osteogenesis imperfecta, like her mom and grandma before her. Experiencing more than 200 fractures in her early years, she was unable to walk before age 22 — but no less determined to make life better for others with her condition. Chandra donated her bone marrow to be used in a study, and the results contributed to the OI protocols and treatment that are now the standard of care all over the world. Best of all, this study would go on to benefit her own son, Alex.

Care that feels like family

While her treatment journey was challenging, Chandra also cherished her experience at Shriners Children’s. “The staff was like family to me,” she said.

Shriners Children’s has been providing that same level of professional care for families across the country. Founded in 1922 — just two years before June was born — Shriners Children’s has been providing specialty care to children with a wide variety of complex conditions, such as orthopedics, burn injuries, cleft lip and palate, and others.

But Shriners Children’s doesn’t provide this care alone. All services are made possible by generous donors. Through their giving, patients are able to access specialty care as well as adaptive equipment, long-term rehab, surgeries, and more. In one year alone, Shriners Children’s performed more than 24,000 life-changing surgeries, as well as 446,000 procedures. On top of that, they delivered tens of thousands of prosthetic and orthotic devices for patients in need and welcomed an additional 62,000 patients on top of that.

Hope for a new generation

With Chandra’s bone marrow donation, along with the compassionate care he was able to receive through Shriners Children’s, Alex is now able to live a life his family only dreamt of. To treat his condition, Alex receives infusions that regulate calcium levels in his blood and slow bone breakdown.

“When Alex started walking between one and two years old, I was shocked,” Chandra said. “The fact that he was able to walk, even run, and knowing I had a part to do with that, makes my heart happy.”

Without consistent treatment, Alex’s family believes he might still be spending most of his time in the hospital, facing broken bones and countless fractures. Instead, the compassionate care he receives has given him a bright future — and has made Chandra eternally grateful.

“Shriners [Children’s] is amazing with him,” she said. “I love Shriners [Children’s] so much.”

Shriners Children’s helps children heal and thrive so they can chase their dreams. Learn more about how they’re making it possible and share this article to inspire others to join you. Shriners Children’s relies on generous donors to make a difference.

Donate today during the 3X Match Challenge to make 3X the life-changing impact for patients.

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Four guys write a letter asking to walk their new neighbor's dog. The dog writes back.

"I am very friendly and full of beans."

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Photo credit: Canva, Stevieticks /Instagram

black lab (left. Handwritten letter (right)

If you've lived your whole life with a dog, a home has to feel pretty empty without one. Your heart has to feel like there's something missing as well. When Jack McCrossan, originally from Scotland, moved to Bristol, England with his three friends, they were bummed out to learn that their landlord didn't allow dogs.

So when they saw a beautiful black Sheprador (a German Sheppard Lab mix) in their neighbor's window, they knew that had to become buddies with her. They wrote the dog's owner, Sarah Tolman, a letter asking to arrange a play date with the dog. "If you ever need someone to walk him/her, we will gladly do so," they wrote.

"If you ever get bored (we know you never will, but we can dream), we are more than happy to look after him/her. If you want to come over and bring him/her to brighten our day, you are more than welcome. If you want to walk past our balcony windows so we can see him/her, please do," the letter continued.

"We hope this doesn't come too strong, but our landlord won't allow pets, and we've all grown up with animals. The adult life is a struggle without one," they wrote. "Yours sincerely, The boys from number 23," the letter concluded.

Soon after, the boys in 23 received a response from the dog herself, Stevie Ticks, accepting the offer. However, it may have been written by her human, Sarah Tolman. In the letter, Stevie shares a bit about herself, saying she's two years and four months old, was adopted in Cyprus, and that she's "very friendly and full of beans." (The boys shouldn't worry about a gassy hound, in England, "full of beans" means lively.)

"I love meeting new people and it would be great if we can be friends. I must warn you that the price of my friendship is 5 x ball throws a day and belly scratches whenever I demand them," the letter continued. A few days later, the boys got to meet Stevie.

"Meeting Stevie was great!" McCrossan told Buzzfeed. "She was definitely as energetic as described. We got to take her for a walk and she wouldn't stop running!"

Tolman thought the boys' letter was a fantastic gesture in an era where, quote often, neighbors are strangers. "In a day and age where people don't really know or speak to their neighbors, it was really nice for them to break down that barrier," she said. After the story went viral, she saw it as an opportunity for people to share their love of dogs with the world. "My mother and I are amazed at all the love we've received from around the world these past few days," Tolman wrote as Stevie. "If you have a doggo in your life, share that love with those around you."

A lot has changed since this story first warmed hearts around the globe. The boys have since moved away, but as of September 2024, Stevie is around 8 years old and still living her best life. Recently, she even made it to the doggie wall of fame at her local coffee shop.

In the years since this story first went viral, pet-sharing and neighbor dog borrowing have actually become more common, especially in cities where landlords restrict pets. Several platforms (like BorrowMyDoggy) and community groups now exist to pair dog owners with trusted neighbors who want occasional playtime, walks, or dog-sitting without having to own a pet. It’s a small but growing trend that reflects how deeply animal companionship is needed—even for people who can’t adopt a dog full-time. In many apartment buildings, these kinds of informal arrangements help reduce loneliness, build community, and give non-owners the emotional benefits of living with pets.

Just goes to show the power of a dog's love…even if that dog isn't your own.

This article originally appeared six years ago.

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In 1978, Richard Pryor had a profound debate about life with an 85-year-old woman on The Johnny Carson Show

They don't make TV like this anymore.

Richard Pryor; Johnny Carson; Dorothy Fuldheim; poverty; cost of living; Johnny Carson Show
Johnny Carson Show/YouTube Screenshot

Watch Richard Pryor use humor to shut down Johnny Carson Guest on poverty

In 1978, late comedian and actor Richard Pryor appeared as a guest on the Johnny Carson show. As many late-night talk shows do, he stuck around after his interview to occasionally mingle when the next guests was introduced. But instead of dropping in a few funny quips, Pryor spent nearly twenty minutes engaging with, and occasionally debating, Dorothy Fuldheim, a then-85-year-old pioneering female journalist.

The comedian moved to the other available chair as Carson introduced the next guest, but it didn't take long before Pryor jumped into the conversation. At first, things seem to be going well with Fuldheim joking with Pryor about being a sinner and smoking marijuana. The also touched on deeper subjects including racism, space exploration and whether God is real. Fuldheim, who was the first woman to host a television news program in the United States, often appeared to take more progressive leaning views than Pryor, which resulted in a lot of laughs from Johnny Carson and the audience.

However, it was when the conversation turned to the idea of poverty that things took a turn.

The typically hilarious, vulgar comedian had been exceptionally respectful to his fellow guest. Peppering all of his interactions with with "yes, ma'am" and "no, ma'am," his tone changed when Fuldheim, who had grown up in poverty, said she didn't believe it existed in America anymore.

Richard Pryor; Johnny Carson; Dorothy Fuldheim; poverty; cost of living; Johnny Carson Show Richard Pryor and Lou Gossett Jr. backstage at the Shrine Auditorium, Los AngelesUCLA Library/ Wikimedia Commons

After discussing whether poverty builds character, Carson asks the woman, "Do you think it's tougher now for young people just to survive?" Before the late-night talk show host could finish his sentence, Fuldheim emphatically said no.

"No, no. I think life is so much simpler now. Nobody starves in our country. Nobody has to go out on the corners to beg. You can go and get medical aid. Nobody lives in the streets," Fuldheim declared. It seems that's when Pryor could no longer hold his tongue. He softened his tone as he said, "Well, there are some people that live in the streets."

Richard Pryor; Johnny Carson; Dorothy Fuldheim; poverty; cost of living; Johnny Carson Show richard pryor comedian GIF Giphy

This information seemed to shock the elderly woman as she questioned if the comedian was talking about America. She exclaimed that people didn't have to live in the streets in this country, to which Pryor replied, "Well, tell 'em." The conversation quickly turned into the comedian attempting to use humor to diffuse the situation and educate the woman about the struggles of people living in poverty. She was unrelenting in her belief that people weren't struggling with basic needs in 1978.

But Pryor was unrelenting in his defense of people struggling, saying, "Yes, ma'am. They sleep in the streets, and they die here," before he was interrupted by Fuldheim dismissing the claim.

Richard Pryor; Johnny Carson; Dorothy Fuldheim; poverty; cost of living; Johnny Carson Show Richard Pryor Laughing GIF Giphy

"Well, you don't die of starvation here. You can always get some food. We have it," Fuldheim says. Pryor continues using a calm voice, but it's clear he is becoming frustrated by the dismissal of information he's attempting to provide. But she bites back at him when he tries to share about the poverty level in Appalachia and mentions that he's focusing on white people instead of Black people. Pryor responds by comedically flinching away dramatically as if she were going to strike him. This caused the audience to burst out in laughter.

Pryor composes himself to further explain that he was not calling her prejudiced but trying to bring attention to the starving children in Appalachia. The interview is really a sign of the times, as Pryor unironically uses the R slur without malice, but as a descriptor for children who develop intellectual and developmental delays due to malnutrition.

Richard Pryor; Johnny Carson; Dorothy Fuldheim; poverty; cost of living; Johnny Carson Show Richard Pryor smiling at cameraAlan Light/Wikimedia Commons

Eventually, Carson steps in to try to rein in the conversation that continued to be marked with bursts of laughter at Pryor's one-liners. You can watch the entire interview below to see how, even under pressure, Pryor was a comedic genius. And while Fuldheim may have been out of touch when it came to poverty, her views on longevity, the role of women and how character is built, created the kind of meaningful conversation you almost never see on late night TV anymore.

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Man's unique gift for naming cats has strangers asking him to name their kittens

Hersberry, O'dis, Nuffin—watch how "Unc" comes up with his adorable names.

kittens, cats, pets, naming cats, naming kittens
Photo credit: Canva

What would Unc name these kitties?

"The Naming of Cats is a difficult matter, it isn't just one of your holiday games…" – T.S. Eliot

One of the best parts of getting a new pet is choosing a name for them. Unlike children, who have conscious feelings about their names and may object to off-the-wall choices at some point, a pet presumably couldn't care less what the humans in their lives call them. A dog could be named Fred, Red, or Potatohead and be none the wiser. We've seen cats with names that go far beyond the norm even for pet names, like Parking Lot, Crunchwrap Supreme, and Missile Launcher (Missy for short) among other creative monikers.

But if any animals were going to care about what we name them, surely it would be our finicky feline friends. And one man, whom we'll call Unc (for his @UncGotThaMunchies handle), seems to have a gift for giving kitties very special (or rather, "pecial") names. Unc has become the father of 13 kitties, and his naming of cats has become a bit of a viral phenomenon.

@uncgotthamunchies

#cat #cats #catsoftiktok #kitten #kittensoftiktok

First, there's Blackaroni and Cheese, a black and orange kitten pair that people are just gaga over. But Unc has begun a whole movement of naming kitties in a "berry pecial" way, with Hersberry leading the way. Why Hersberry? Because her's berry pecial to Unc, of course.

@uncgotthamunchies

#cats #cat #kitten #kittens #catsoftiktok

Among the other kittens, we have another pair named Thor and Lowkey (yes, spelled Lowkey) and another orange kitty that Unc named Midas, "because there Midas well be no other kitties on the whole planet."

@uncgotthamunchies

#cat #catsoftiktok #kitten #kittens #kittensoftiktok

People have become so enamored with these cute and clever kitty names that some have started asking Unc to help them name their own kittens. One person shared a photo of their adorable orange kitten and asked if Unc could name him because they couldn't think of a good name. Unc didn't disappoint.

"When people see dis kitty right here," he said in a response video. "They will say, 'Oh, dis kitty is so beautiful. Oh, dis kitty is so pecial.' So I think his name should be O'dis." Then he explained all the nickname benefits of the name O'dis and how special this name would make the kitty feel.

@uncgotthamunchies

Replying to @glitterdiamondsparkles #greenscreen #cat #catsoftiktok #kitten #kittens

Someone else shared a photo of their fuzzy little tabby kitten, writing, "First I saw your Hersberry video then Midas and now the universe sent us a kitten and we can't think of a name for her. Can you help name her??" Unc responded with a video saying that he'd had a premonition as he was laying around looking at kitties on TikTok that a beautiful little girl kitty was going to come to him needing a name, and he should have the name ready for her when he saw her. Watch how that played out:

@uncgotthamunchies

Replying to @megan_elizabeth__ #greenscreen #cat #catsoftiktok #kitten #kittensoftiktok

Did he choose a perfect name or what? The kitten's owner responded in the comments and said, "Won’Da it is!! 🥰 Thank you!!"

Unc got another orange kitten sent to him with a name request. This one got the name Nuffin:

@uncgotthamunchies

Replying to @Raegan Schafer #greenscreen #cats #cat #kittens #kittensoftiktok

"Because there is nuffin on dis Earf more cuter than this kitty. And there is nuffin on dis Earf that I would not do for this kitty. And there is nuffin on this whole Earf that could keep me from loving this kitty," explained Unc. Of course.

People are loving watching Unc name other people's kitties, with multiple people calling him a walking green flag.

"There is nuffin on this earf as precious as you naming kitties 😍😂🫶🏼," wrote one commenter.

"There is nuffin I love more than a man who loves his kitties as much as you do!!"

"Another perfect name!!! My sister is adopting a kitty today and I’ve been telling her about your names and how you come up with them. It’s great. 🥰"

Ultimately, the way Unc interacts with his kitties is what keeps people coming back. There's something so endearing about the mutual affection between him and the whole lot of them. Not all cats are sweet and snuggly, but Unc's kitties seem to be quite affectionate. People with more standoffish cats may be wondering why this man's cats and kittens are so loving. Well, here you go:

@uncgotthamunchies

#cat #catsoftiktok #kitten #kittensoftiktok #kittens

So berry, berry pecial. You can follow Unc on TikTok.

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Woman's 'ideal conditions' video hits home with perfectionists and procrastinators

Oh, so this is what a helpful thought process looks like.

self-help, self-improvement, procrastination, perfectionism, psychology
Courtesy of @thegnarliestcarly/TikTok

Ideal conditions is a myth.

People who tend to put things off, even things they really want to do or achieve, are often plagued with a host of unhelpful thought patterns. "Once this happens, then I'll start…" "When I become more XYZ, then I'll really lock in…" "If only this and that were different, I'd be able to start…"

Those If/When/Once thoughts keep us stuck in inertia as we wait for the ideal conditions to make forward movement in our lives. But as New England artist and creator Carly Wanner-Hyde explains in a viral video, the entire idea of "ideal conditions" is a myth. By talking to herself, she offers an example of challenging an unhelpful thought and developing a more helpful thought process.

"Hey, dude," she says to herself. "What are you waiting for?"

"Ideal conditions," she responds. Sound familiar?

@thegnarliestcarly

take it if it resonates :) you’ve got this. . #selfimprovement #senseofself #reflections #learningexperience #growthmindset

"If I wait for the ideal conditions, it won't be as scary," she says, "and I'll be less likely to fail and feel the pain of devoting myself to something and not achieving the outcome that I specified in my brain."

She responds to herself with a compassionate smile, which prompts her to break down the reality that challenges that thought.

"'Ideal' conditions don't actually exist," she says. "And the time will pass whether I do this thing now or not. And fear is just something that my subconscious is using to keep me safe from what it doesn't know yet, but that doesn't mean I'm not capable of doing it."

As she reframes the thought and moves into a more helpful process, her alter-self keeps listening with the same quiet, compassionate encouragement.

"And I can ask myself, 'What's the smallest step that I can take towards making this thing happen?' And instead of putting pressure on myself for me to be exactly perfect at doing this thing so that I can 'justify' the time and energy that I spend on it, I can devote myself to the process of it and trust that as I take each small step, the path will continue to unfold.

path, moving forward, perfectionism, procrastination, self-help The path reveals itself as you walk it. Photo credit: Canva

"And that none of this really matters, and one day I won't be here, and me putting something off is just me keeping me from accessing parts of myself that I want to grow into. And I don't need to assign the outcome right now as either a win or a loss because I don't even know what the full outcome is yet. This might just be something that I get to engage with and experience and learn from.

"I deserve to give myself the gift of engaging with my potential through curiosity rather than clamping down on it through fear of failure. Holding myself to this standard of perfection is just a way of keeping me from growing in all the ways that I can right now and creates judgment for myself that I don't deserve. Because I deserve to engage with the world in the ways that I can serve it, and perfectionism doesn't help that."

Judging from the comments, many people needed to hear this message themselves. So many people confessed that they'd wasted entire decades of their lives waiting for "ideal conditions" before realizing they didn't exist. As one person wrote, "You gotta knock it off with all this truth telling. It's making me actually… do something."

@thegnarliestcarly

take it if it resonates :) #selfimprovement #senseofself #reflections #learningexperience #growthmindset

Wanner-Hyde has had similar "Hey, dude" videos go viral, from "ideal version of myself" to "feeling sad." Part of why her videos resonate is that she's not lecturing the audience, but rather demonstrating what a healthy internal process can look like.

"I think that part of being human is recognizing ourselves in the reflections of other beings," she tells Upworthy. "Sometimes we just need a little space made for us to feel seen, to slow down and let the thoughts catch up, and to know that we're not alone in what we're going through."

She hopes that her videos remind people how connected we all are and "help people find a little bit of ease within themselves, and comfort in knowing that their experiences are shared by so many others."

Wanner-Hyde says she's working on a podcast to explore these kinds of common threads of the human experience, which will be coming out in early 2026.

You can follow her for more on TikTok.

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Boomer parents reveal why they so often withhold medical information from their adult children

"Respectfully, why?"

boomers, boomer parents, millennials, millennial parents, parenting, family, love, relationships, generations
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People share their theories about why Boomer parents won't tell you what's going on with their health.

Generational differences can make it seem like we're not living in the same reality as those just a few years younger or older than us. But it's the Baby Boomers who, perhaps, are the most perplexing to their children and grandchildren who want to understand and relate to them.

Even a therapist who specializes in family dynamics day in and day out struggles to understand one peculiar habit that seems to be nearly universal among those in the 60 and above age bracket.

Mary Beth Somich, LCMHC, who has been a family therapist for 10 years, recently posted a TikTok that struck a nerve. The caption reads, "Help me understand this Boomer parenting behavior."

"There is this thing that Boomer parents consistently do that I have to admit, I truly do not understand. I would really like to understand this, as I think it would really help my Gen X and Millennial adult clients."

In her experience, Somich says, older adults tend to withhold important medical information from their adult children, sometimes until way after the fact. It often comes wrapped in a cushioning phrase like, "We just didn't want to worry you."

In the video, she acts out a few scenarios that are all too familiar to many adults with Boomer parents: Mom springing it on you out of the blue that Dad had "open heart surgery yesterday." Or one of your parents suddenly disclosing that "Grandma has been on life support for a week."

"These are adult children now. These are adults." She says her adult clients come into her practice after moments like this feeling upset, sad, and even betrayed. In short, they're far more upset than they would have been hearing the hard news sooner.

"If the idea here was to spare your adult child some anxiety, it has backfired," she says. But the question still remains: Why do they do it?

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Respectfully, why? If this hits home and you want to talk it through, message us the word “contact” to chat or book a session. 💌 #raleigh #boomerparents #parenting #raleighmoms #familydynamics

The video racked up over a million views on social media, and viewers had no shortage of things to say about this frustrating phenomenon.

Theories abound as to why Boomers tend to withhold health-related updates. Some called out the behavior as manipulative or selfish:

"They don't want to deal with our emotions. Surely you know that"

"Emotional immaturity is likely a part of it - avoiding having to acknowledge their own distress about it and also avoiding experiencing their kids’ distress. Sweep it under the rug until you can’t not trip over it."

"They will give you every health update of the neighbor down the street that you don’t even know but won’t tell you when they have cancer. Then they make you feel bad that you didn’t know because you don’t come around enough."

"It’s a form of punishment and control. 'If we cared, we would have asked.'"

Several people theorized that it's hard for parents of any age to think of their own kids as adults, so the urge to protect and shield them is tough to break even once they're truly grown. Others were more empathetic, recalling that Boomers weren't exactly raised with a lot of tender affection and care in the '50s and '60s:

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"Boomers had f-ed up parents and so were their parents. Etc. There was no counseling, no mental health talk. It was non existent. OUR feelings were dismissed and communication skills were not taught to us. we were taught to brush everything under the rug and I think all of this is reflection of how we react to things now."

"Late Boomer here (Gen Jones). Our parents kept everything from us. No talking about money, relationships, or coping skills. We never learned how to relate to our adult children unless we taught ourselves."

Parents in the '60s and thereabouts were heavy on authority and much lighter on warmth than parents today. The phrase, "Children should be seen and not heard," was a common refrain of the day, so it's no wonder they might have trouble opening up and communicating.

Experts say the truth is really a bit of both: A genuine (if misguided desire) to protect or not "burden" adult children, mixed with difficulties in being vulnerable as a result of their upbringing.

boomers, boomer parents, millennials, millennial parents, parenting, family, love, relationships, generations Kids raised in the '50s and '60s were not taught much about openness and vulnerability. Photo by Flaviu Costin on Unsplash

"Boomers are extremely independent and are used to making their own decisions," Marianne Matzo, PhD who specializes in palliative care and gerontology, told Upworthy. "Remember, they came of age during the Vietnam war, and one of the legislative changes at that time was people were legal adults at age 18. At a young age they had the legal right to make major decisions and want to keep that freedom. They don’t need the family to drive them to the doctor, nor be involved in making decisions about their lives. The tendency is to make decisions and inform the family afterwards.

Jenna Budrea-Roman, a licensed clinical psychologist, tells Upworthy that, unfortunately, parents and their adult children can find themselves in a vicious cycle:

"These older adults still have a sense of obligation and it might feel wrong not to share something significant with their child ...They might avoid bringing it up until the last possible moment, then creating an emotional boomerang for their child ('Wait, what do you mean you might have cancer and are getting a biopsy tomorrow?'). The adult kid feels equal parts concerned, angry for not being trusted with the information earlier, and confused as to what they should do to be supportive. This reaction reinforces to the parent that they should have kept the information to themselves and have "now caused more problems." No one gets what they need in this dynamic to feel emotionally safe and connected."

As in most cases in life, the way forward is to not shy away from direct and uncomfortable conversations, and to handle them with empathy. It's fair to be upset and anxious because of how sensitive health updates are handled, and to communicate that, but remember not to attack your parent's independence, their right to privacy, or their struggles with vulnerability.

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