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What is 'body grief'? Women share what it's like to mourn their former selves.

Watching our bodies change is a natural part of life. But we rarely talk about the complicated feelings that come from that.

body grief
@aleahelizabeth/TikTok,@sami.rose/TikTok

We've all been through it.

It was only yesterday when a friend and I (two women in the 30-to-40-year-old range) were having a conversation, and this friend made more than one wistful comment about being “skinny and sexy” once upon a time.

Her self deprecating jokes were so casual and nonchalant that actual sadness underneath was almost unnoticeable. Almost.

Except I did notice it, because I have it too. That same sense of unease at being a different size that my former younger self. I have it, my friend has it, and nearly every adult woman has it to some degree.

Now we even have a name for it—”body grief.”

Author Jayne Mattingly, who first coined the term, defines body grief as “the universal experience of disillusionment, sorrow, and loss that comes with simply existing in a body.”

Body grief basically sums up all the anger, loss, frustration, sorrow, and general sense of mourning that so many women feel from the “loss” of their former body, and the former self it represents.

@jayneimattingly Replying to @olivepfox i am so happy you are here!!! #bodygrief #disabledtiktok #bodygriever #disabledhumour ♬ original sound - Jayne Mattingly

Body grief can manifest in a myriad of ways—growing older, having children, chronic illness or injury, disability, reactions to medications, huge life changes, trauma, stress. And while it often denotes weight gain, plenty of women who lose a lot of weight can feel body grief too.

Sami Rose, an Australian-based counselor and body image coach, spoke about her own challenges with body grief, especially after reaching her goal weight, then gaining the weight back.

“I’d spent all of my teens and all of my 20s having this number in my head, and this body in my head, that I thought was gonna solve all of my problems,” she said.

@sami.rose_ Replying to @eneesece letting go of the thin ideal can be really difficult, and its okay to miss your old body or old life, but i hope this strategy helps shift your perspective 💖 #bodyacceptance #bodygrief #bodyimagecounsellor #counsellor #bodyimagecoach ♬ original sound - Sami Rose • Counsellor + Coach

After losing about 55 pounds, getting all the compliments from her friends, even being told that her abs were “goals,” Rose was still left with the same insecurities. For her, body grief meant “letting go of the thin ideal” and “griev[ing] the notion of what a good body meant to me.”

Rose’s experience is not uncommon. Countless women are sharing their stories of body grief in a new TikTok trend titled #bodygrief, which has reached nearly 880,000 views.

Women like Aleah Elizabeth, who went from being “super skinny” most of her life to gaining 60-70 pounds after taking birth control.

@aleahhelizabeth Its hard ass thing to go through #gainingweight #beingskinny #fy ♬ original sound - aleahelizabeth💗

“I thought I was gonna be a happy girl because the boys like girls who are thick,” she said. “But as I kept gaining the weight, I literally hated my body more and more and more…And then you gain so much weight and everybody around you notices it and talks about it, and then starts to make you feel bad about it. It is the worst thing I think I ever went through in my life.”

@thesamfamm 2 months PP and feeling like it today… Outdoorsy moms, tell me it gets better? #outdoorsymom #nationalparks #rei #parksproject #newmom #youngmoms #bodygrief #postpartumbody #bodyimagestruggles #bodyafterbabies #hikinggirl #girlswhohike @rei @thesamfamm ♬ Into the wild - Cartwright Eliana Hope, who, two months into postpartum, cried in an REI store after realizing “the body that used to take me up mountain trails is now stretched and loose in all the places it used to be strong.”

@thesamfamm 2 months PP and feeling like it today… Outdoorsy moms, tell me it gets better? #outdoorsymom #nationalparks #rei #parksproject #newmom #youngmoms #bodygrief #postpartumbody #bodyimagestruggles #bodyafterbabies #hikinggirl #girlswhohike @rei @thesamfamm ♬ Into the wild - Cartwright

Honestly, the list goes on and on.

@stancedexcoaching How body grief came up on vacation. Please please check out @Jayne Mattingly for more on Body Grief! #bodygrief #perceptionvsreality #bodieschange #bodieschangeworthdoesnt #bodygriefwithjaynemattingly #vacation #familyvacation #hardtime ♬ original sound - Stance Dex Dreyfus
@madialysefitness you have to remember there is a happier and fuller life out there. #bodygrief #weightgainjourney #bodyacceptance #setpointweight #harecovery #hormoneimbalance #edrecoceey ♬ The Journey - Sol Rising
@olivepfox Some thoughts on body grief and reconciling disability #crps #crpsawareness #complexregionalpainsyndrome #crpswarrior #chronicpain #disabled ♬ original sound - olive fox

And just what are we supposed to do about this body grief? For starters, Rose suggests writing down a list of all the things you appreciate about yourself that are completely unrelated to your body.

“I think that can be really special in just rebuilding your identity and proving to yourself that you’re more than just a body,” she says. “That your appearance is a part of you, but it’s not the most important part of you.”

But also, like with all forms of grief, sometimes sharing what you’re going through in a safe space with other people who have been through it, or are going through it too, really helps you process those difficult feelings. And that’s why this TikTok movement is so important. No one should have to go through it alone.

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Man finds genius loophole to beat squatters at their own game. Homeowners say he's a hero.

"All I'm doing is becoming a squatter and flipping this process on them."

Canva Photos

Flash Shelton has been nicknamed the "Squatter Hunter" and helps people take their homes back.

Squatters' rights laws are some of the most bizarrely misused legal realities we have, and something no one seems to have a good answer for. Most of us have heard stories of someone moving into a vacant home and just living there, without anyone's permission and without paying rent, and somehow this is a legal question mark until the courts sort it out.

According to The National Desk, squatters' rights are a carryover from British property law and were created to ensure that abandoned property could be used and to protect occupants from being kicked out without proper notice. The argument is that it's better to have someone openly living in a home and taking care of it, properly maintaining it, versus it laying abandoned and rotting away. Families and residents add value to a community, and those residents should have rights — or so the reasoning goes.

It should go without saying that squatter law isn't meant to allow someone to just take over someone else's property, but sometimes that's exactly what happens.

A squatter takeover is exactly what happened to Flash Shelton's mother when she put her house up for rent after her husband passed away.


A woman contacted her with interest in the property, only she wanted to do repairs and look after the home instead of paying rent. Before anyone knew it, she had furniture delivered (which she later said was accidental) and set up camp, despite Shelton's mom not agreeing to the arrangement.

But since the woman had expressed her intention and already moved in, the matter was out of police hands, as Shelton found out when he tried to contact the local sheriff. If that sounds like trespassing to you, well, join the club.

“They said, ‘I’m sorry but we can’t enter the house, and it looks like they’re living there, so you need to go through the courts',” he shared in a YouTube video.


Shelton rightfully didn't want the expense of a court battle, so he took matters into his own hands—not with violence, but with logic. He had his mom lease the home to him, and then told the squatter that she had to move everything out because he was moving things in.


squatters, homeowners, criminals, trespassing, law, property law, viral videos, youtube, squatter hunter How exactly is squatting not trespassing? It's complicated, for some reason. Giphy

“If they can take a house, I can take a house," he said.

He was calm and clear about her having to get everything out within the day or he would have people come and take it, and thankfully, she didn't put up a big fight.

That experience made him realize how squatter law can be abused, but that there's a faster system for removing a squatter than to go through the court system. If a squatter can move in and force a homeowner to take them to court to prove they are living there illegally, then he could simply move in alongside the squatter, putting the squatter in the position of having to take the homeowner to court instead.

"The legal process is so slow, and at some point when they're in there, you're going to feel like they have more rights than you do and that's how you're going to be treated. So even though you it's your house and you're paying the mortgage or whatever, at some point squatters feel like they have more rights than you, so they don't have an incentive to leave until a judge tells them to, until they're actually ordered to, and that could take months."

After successfully removing the squatters in his mother's house, Shelton has been tackling similar squatter situations for other homeowners in California, earning him the nickname "The Squatter Hunter."

"All I'm doing is becoming a squatter and flipping this process on them," Shelton told CBS News. "I figured if they could take a house, I could take a house."

According to CBS, he's successfully removed a dozen squatters in the past year. ""I'm not going in and I'm not hurting anyone," he said. "I'm not kicking them out, I'm not throwing them out." He's literally just moving in himself, setting up cameras, and then creating small annoyances until the squatters get fed up enough to move out; like making uncomfortable alterations to the home or making a ton of noise at inopportune hours.

Shelton parlayed his success into a reality show on A&E called, fittingly, Squatters. It premiered in July of 2025. To put it lightly, it looks intense! Clips posted on Shelton's social media show hostile standoffs with angry squatters and even he and his team causing damage to the home or creating nuisances to help drive the squatters out.

California isn't the only state that has seen issues with squatters. There are squatter stories from all over the U.S. of people moving into a property and refusing to leave without a court order, tying owners up in lengthy, expensive legal battles.

Though squatting is relatively rare overall, some areas of the country have more issues than others. California, Texas, Georgia, and Florida are areas, in particular, that struggle with squatters and abandoned properties.

Shelton even has a Change.org petition to try to get squatter laws changed to "make squatting in residential maintained homes criminal." Making squatting illegal "will shift the burden of proof onto the squatter and make the crime punishable with restitution an option for damages," the the petition states.

Not all homeowners will have access to someone like Shelton and his team to fight back against squatters. But until the laws change, he's doing as much as he can.

Watch Shelton share his personal story:

- YouTube www.youtube.com

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.


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Professionals swear by these tricks to stop your voice from shaking when speaking publicly

"I get a crying voice every time. I hate it."

Photo credit: Canva

Professionals swear these things will stop your shaky nervous voice.

There's nothing more frustrating than when you go to speak in a meeting and it sounds like you're about to cry. This annoying vocal trembling can affect people regardless of the size of the crowd they're speaking to, as it's related to nervousness. Several professional speakers and coaches have learned how to control that nervous vocal fry with a few tricks that may help you get through your next presentation.

The seemingly unfamiliar noise our throats make when nervous can add to the feelings of anxiety. Now, you're not just worried about speaking in front of a few people; you're also wondering if they think your voice sounds weird or if they're concerned about your emotional state. Maybe they think you've been crying or are about to start. Either way, you notice the strange, shaky sound making every word you say vibrate uncomfortably, and all you can think about is making it stop.

public speaking; shaky voice; nervous voice; social anxiety; nervous speaking; public speaking nerves Stressed man wipes forehead while reading documents.Photo credit: Canva

Usually, when this happens, your pulse quickens, you start to sweat, and your face starts to feel hot. It seems your body is acting out in a pretty extreme way, and you're not sure why. So, what is the deal? Why doesn't this happen to everyone, and how can you make it stop? Well, while many are naturally good speakers, others become effective speakers because they've learned how to master their nerves so they sound confident even when they're not.

Why does my voice shake when I speak publicly?

Extra TV co-host Mona Kosar Abdi explains, "Number one tell-tale sign that you're nervous is a shaky voice. That happens when you're so tense that the muscles around your vocal chords tighten."

public speaking; shaky voice; nervous voice; social anxiety; nervous speaking; public speaking nerves Woman lost in thought at a café.Photo credit: Canva

The technical phrase for this muscle tightening is "voice change anxiety symptoms," and, according to the Anxiety Centre, "Voice changes anxiety symptoms can precede, accompany, or follow an episode of nervousness, anxiety, fear, and elevated stress, or occur ‘out of the blue’ and for no apparent reason. Voice change anxiety symptoms can range in severity from slight to moderate to severe. Voice changes can also come in waves, where it’s strong one moment and eases off the next."

public speaking; shaky voice; nervous voice; social anxiety; nervous speaking; public speaking nerves Sweating Season 12 GIF Giphy

How to stop your voice from shaking

As for how to get the muscles around your voice box to chill out so you can get through a simple conversation or meeting, Abdi says the trick is to relax those muscles. She shares that right before you're supposed to speak, you should hold one finger in front of your lips like you're telling someone to be quiet, take a deep breath, and, when exhaling, make a "ghost noise."

"I know it looks crazy, but do it like five to ten minutes before you have to speak, and what it does is it helps loosen up the muscles and also helps you control your airflow," the TV host says. She adds, "Slow down. When we are nervous, we tend to let out a million words a second, which leads to stumbling and being out of breath. Slow down. This allows you to enunciate your words and also get in deep breaths."

@mokoab Replying to @SaSa ♬ original sound - Mona Kosar Abdi

A leadership and resilience coach who goes by Cass on social media shares that one way to avoid nervousness. A shaky voice before meetings is often a sign of avoiding last-minute meeting prep. Cass suggests going outside to take deep breaths before speaking, and then combine it with hyping yourself up. This means reminding yourself that you know what you're talking about and deserve to be in the spaces you're taking up. She also points out that last-minute reviewing of material adds to the anxiety and nerves, so stepping away aids in calming your nervous system before speaking.

@thrivewithcass Does your voice get shaky before you go to speak up at work? Save this video and do these 2 things #womeninleadership #thrivewomen #womeninbusiness #burnoutprevention #highachievingwomen #womenincorporate #publicspeakingtips ♬ original sound - Leadership & Resilience Coach

Another tip for ending the shaky voice while speaking is to project your voice from your diaphragm. When nervous, you tend to take quick, shallow breaths. Slowing your breathing and using it to speak from your diaphragm will not only help make that shaky, nervous voice stop, but it will also make you sound more confident. One way to know you're using your diaphragm to speak is to take a breath with your hand on your belly. If you're breathing from your diaphragm, your belly just below your ribcage should move. As you begin speaking, you should feel the same area contract.

Several public speaking coaches mentioned this as one of the best ways to sound more confident while knocking the nerves out of your voice. Taking deep breaths, slowing down your speech, and speaking with your diaphragm have been the most repeated tips by professionals. So, if you get nervous while talking in front of others, give these tricks a try and see how they work for you.

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Neo-Nazis slowly realize this small town brilliantly pranked them for a great charity

Local residents in the small Bavarian town of Wunsiedel, came together to fight Nazis a hilariously perfect way.

Image via YouTube

Neo-Nazis marching in a parade

In preparation for an upcoming neo-Nazi march in the small Bavarian town of Wunsiedel, local residents decided to fight back in a hilariously perfect way: by sponsoring each of the 250 fascist participants. According to Heeb Magazine, "For every metre they walked, €10 went to a programme called EXIT Deutschland, which helps people escape extremist groups."

The reason the Neo-Nazis show up in Wunsiedel every year is because Adolf Hitler's deputy Rudolf Hess was previously buried there. They apparently haven't been deterred by the fact that his grave was exhumed in 2011 and destroyed.

The brilliant prank was organized by a group called Right Against Right, which alerted people to their wholesome scheme through their website, which reads:

They run and run and run! Almost every week, neo-Nazis take to the streets to demonstrate. If you can't stop them, you can at least make them run for something worthwhile, like against themselves. This turns the funeral march into a fundraising march, and the demonstration into a charity event. For every meter run, fixed donations from companies and citizens go to EXIT Germany or projects working against neo-Nazis. Let's harness this charitable potential!

So if you're determined to march, you're stepping into a dilemma. With your support, things will go much better! Donate, share, and be there live when it's time to take a strong stand against the right – in your everyday life, online, or with a donation.The anti-semitic walkers didn't figure out the town's scheme until they had already started their march, and by that time, it was too late to turn back. The end result? The neo-Nazis raised more than $12,000 to fund programs to put an end to neo-Nazis.

Unfortunately, Neo-Nazi organizations still continue to crop up across the world In recent years they have been seen at political rallies. Even today in 2025, American political actors such as Tesla founder Elon Musk, have been accused of giving Nazi salutes at rallies in a not so thinly veiled sign of approval to those who posses anti-semitic and other far right win ideologies.


Neo-nazis, finland, nazis, germany, world war 2, hitler, history, funny, pranks NRM Finnish independence day demonstration, 2018.Image via Wikicommons

As the Guardian reported at the time, people in the town got fully into the spirit, "sponsoring" the 250 Neo-Nazi marchers, hanging hilariously mocking signs, including one posted at the end of the march, which thanked them for their "donations" to the anti-hate groups.

According to The Washington Post, “The 200 neo-Nazis had only two choices when they got to know about the plan: Either they proceeded, indirectly donating money to the EXIT Germany initiative, or they acknowledged their defeat and suspended the march. The neo-Nazis decided to pursue their plans — and participated in raising funds for an organization committed to their downfall.”

The plan worked so well, it was replicated in 2017 by the Jewish Bar Association of San Francisco, which started an "Adopt a Nazi (Not Really)" fundraiser on GoFundMe that ended up raising more than $150,000 in response to a Neo-Nazi march in the city.

Watch the YouTube video below:




- YouTube www.youtube.com


This article originally appeared eleven years ago.

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Adult plane passenger praised for denying window seat to stranger's child having a tantrum

Parents are calling it a necessary lesson in parenting and boundaries.

Photo by Mohamed Abdelghaffar

'We do not negotiate with tantrumists.'

Flying can test anyone’s patience, but Reddit user Safe_Ad_9314, may take the cake for having all their buttons pushed. They shared how a recent flight turned into a surprising lesson in setting boundaries, explaining that they had reserved a window seat—an intentional choice aimed at making their journey just a bit more enjoyable. But as soon as they settled in, a family boarded and a conflict began brewing.

After several attempts to calm her, the father turned to the man and asked if they’d give up their seat for the child, adding, “She’s just a kid.” The OP gently stood his ground, explaining that the window seat was not a random perk, but something they had deliberately arranged—and even paid extra for.

The family’s six-year-old daughter quickly grew upset that she didn’t have the coveted window view. Her frustration was clear:

"I want the window! I want the window!"
— the child

child, tantrum, kids, boundaries, spoiled, gifVeruca Salt.

Giphy

Eventually, the mother distracted the child with a tablet, and the flight continued. When everyone deboarded at their destination, the mother shot a lingering remark at u/Safe_Ad_9314:

"Some people just have no heart."
— the mother

That stung. It’s never easy to feel judged—especially when you’ve tried to be polite. Unsure if they’d done the right thing, u/Safe_Ad_9314 turned to the trusty Reddit subforum r/AITAH for feedback, asking, "AITA for not giving up my window seat on a plane to a kid just because she threw a tantrum?"

The response was overwhelmingly supportive, reframing the encounter into a conversation about how we teach children empathy, respect, and understanding of life’s little disappointments.

Boundaries Matter—Especially in Public

Do we cave at the first sign of a tantrum, or do we help kids learn that not every wish can be granted? The community weighed in:

"You teach your kids how society works and that not everything is at their disposal all the time."
— u/hierosx

People pointed out that giving in to every demand might soothe tears in the moment, but can set unrealistic expectations for the future. If having a window seat was so important, some said, parents could plan ahead and book one. After all, this wasn’t about denying a child joy, but about showing them how to handle disappointment gracefully.

Why Tantrums Don’t Work

Many commenters stood behind the idea that it’s kinder in the long run to help children learn healthy boundaries:

"I learned when my kids were toddlers that the best policy was 'we do not negotiate with tantrumists.'"
— u/BeBearAwareOK

Setting clear limits doesn’t mean being cruel. It means showing kids that while it’s okay to feel upset, not every feeling must be instantly gratified.

Nobody Owes You Their Seat

airplane, plane, window, window seat, boundaries Tip for parents: If you kiddo wants this view, book the right seats. Photo by Francesco Ungaro

At the core, many commenters reminded readers that random strangers aren’t responsible for resolving someone else’s poor planning or appeasing a meltdown:

"It’s not your responsibility to accommodate someone else’s poor planning or their child’s tantrum."
— u/experiment_ad_4

Others emphasized that saying “no” isn’t heartless—sometimes it’s a necessary act of kindness to the child, who learns that people have their own boundaries and can’t always bend.

"I am a mum of three. Kids get explained that they can’t have that seat as it’s already occupied, end of it."
— u/Sure_Freedom3

Instead of feeling guilty, u/Safe_Ad_9314 received a gentle reminder that upholding personal boundaries is part of living in a shared world. When we calmly stand our ground, we help create an environment where everyone learns that respect and empathy go both ways—even at 30,000 feet.

In the end, that’s what makes these moments matter. When we model healthy limits, we’re not just keeping a seat—we’re showing kids that there’s a bigger picture out there, one where kindness and fairness guide us all.

community, kindness, fairness, boundaries, life lessons Pass It On Be Kind GIF Giphy

This article originally appeared last year.

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'Wicked' author reveals subtle clue in 'The Wizard of Oz' that Glinda and Elphaba were friends

"I fell down onto the ground laughing at the thought that they had gone to college together."

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Gregory Maguire was inspired by a line in the original 1939 film "The Wizard of Oz."

Have you ever watched a movie or read a book or listened to a piece of music and wondered, "How did they come up with that idea?" The creative process is so enigmatic even artists themselves don't always know where their ideas come from, so It's a treat when we get to hear the genesis of a brilliant idea straight from the horse's mouth. It's often not what you would expect!

If you've watched Wicked and wondered where the idea for the friendship between Elphaba (the Wicked Witch) and Glinda (the Good Witch) came from, the author of the book has shared the precise moment it came to him.

The hit movie Wicked is based on the 20-year-old hit stage musical, which is based on the novel Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West written by Gregory Maguire. It says a lot about how powerful the story is that it has succeeded in so many different mediums and continued to find new audiences that connect with it.

While the musical is a simplified version of the 1995 book, the basic storyline—the origins of the two witches from "The Wizard of Oz"—lies at the heart of both. In an interview with BBC, Maguire explained how Elphaba and Glinda's friendship popped into his head.

wizard of oz, wicked, wicked for good, wicked movie, wicked musical, wicked novel, gregory maguire, art, artists, writers, authors Ariana Grande as Glinda in the "Wicked" film Giphy

Maguire was visiting Beatrix Potter's farm in Cumbria, England (Potter was an author and illustrator who created Peter Rabbit) and thinking about "The Wizard of Oz," which he had loved as a child and thought could be an interesting basis for a story about evil.

"I thought 'alright, what do we know about 'The Wizard of Oz' from our memories,'" he said. "We have the house falling on the witch. What do we know about that witch? All we know about that witch is that she has feet. So I began to think about Glinda and the Wicked Witch of the West…

"There is one scene in the 1939 film where Billie Burke [Glinda] comes down looking all pink and fluffy, and Margaret Hamilton [The Wicked Witch] is all crawed and crabbed and she says something like, 'I might have known you'd be behind this, Glinda!' This was my memory, and I thought, now why is she using Glinda's first name? They have known each other. Maybe they've known each other for a long time. Maybe they went to college together. And I fell down onto the ground in the Lake District laughing at the thought that they had gone to college together."

Maguire must have thought the idea of Glinda and The Wicked Witch attending college together was absurd at the time. What a kooky idea! But he pursued it nonetheless and, well, the rest is history.

wizard of oz, wicked, wicked for good, wicked movie, wicked musical, wicked novel, gregory maguire, art, artists, writers, authors A photo of author Gregory Maguire.By Jeremy Goldstein/Flickr CC BY 2.0

In "Wicked," Glinda and the Wicked Witch, Elphaba, meet as students at Shiz University, a school of wizardry. They get placed as roommates, loathe each other at first, but eventually become best friends. The story grows a lot more complicated from there (and the novel goes darker than the stage play), but it's the character development of the two witches and their relationship with one another that force us to examine our ideas about good and evil.

Watch his explanation and inspiration here:

Maguire also shared with the Denver Center for Performing Arts what had inspired him to use the "Wizard of Oz" characters in the first place.

"I was living in London in the early 1990’s during the start of the Gulf War. I was interested to see how my own blood temperature chilled at reading a headline in the usually cautious British newspaper, the Times of London: 'Sadaam Hussein: The New Hitler?' I caught myself ready to have a fully formed political opinion about the Gulf War and the necessity of action against Sadaam Hussein on the basis of how that headline made me feel. The use of the word Hitler – what a word! What it evokes! When a few months later several young schoolboys kidnapped and killed a toddler, the British press paid much attention to the nature of the crime.

"I became interested in the nature of evil, and whether one really could be born bad," he said.

"I considered briefly writing a novel about Hitler but discarded the notion due to my general discomfort with the reality of those times. But when I realized that nobody had ever written about the second most evil character in our collective American subconscious, the Wicked Witch of the West, I thought I had experienced a small moment of inspiration. Everybody in America knows who the Wicked Witch of the West is, but nobody really knows anything about her. There is more to her than meets the eye."

Authors and artists—and their ideas—help hold a mirror up to humanity for us to see and reflect on who we are, and "Wicked" is one of those stories that makes us take a hard look at what we're seeing in that mirror. Thanks, Gregory Maguire, for launching us on a collective journey that not only entertains but has the potential to change how we see one another.

The second Wicked film, For Good, hits theaters in November 2025.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

This story originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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