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7 ways to be a better ally in 2018.

Hey there, fellow white person.

Our demographic does not have a great track record these days.

I used to defend the white racists who wrote the Declaration of Independence and the U.S. Constitution by saying, “Well, they didn’t live the words they wrote, but they built a government that made us better than they were.”


But that was obviously false, because here we are, 240 years later, and we've elected a white nationalist demagogue, pretty much for the sole reason that he’s a white nationalist demagogue.

We really blew it, and we won’t even be the ones to suffer the consequences.

Remember how, after the election, lots of white people started making themselves feel better by wearing safety pins? That's called performative allyship, and it's basically nonsense, but lots of white "allies" have been making it their bread and butter ever since.

But not you and me. We’re going to do things that will actually help the people we (as a racial cohort, anyway) have harmed. And we're not going to congratulate ourselves on it or look for praise for being a "good" white person.

We’re just going to do these things because they’re the right things to do if you believe in fairness and equality and all those other tenets the white racist founding fathers wrote about but didn’t act on.

Here are some really easy ways we can take concrete action that will bear results:

1. Be intolerant of intolerance.

Make it clear that racism, discrimination, and intolerance are values that we as a society will no longer value. That means confronting other white people. You have to stand up against friends, relatives, and even strangers when you hear them saying racist or discriminatory things.

It’s actually not that hard! You say, “What the hell is wrong with you?” and you walk away. If it happens often enough, eventually, they'll change . Of course, if  you witness an in-person attack or a person's safety is in question, direct intervention is necessary. Read up on how to diffuse these situations, and practice doing it with your friends.

2. Seek out marginalized voices and perspectives.

Here’s a question: How many black people do you follow on Twitter? How many black authors do you read?

If you’re like many white people, the answer is not very many. I know I didn’t for a long time — I had to make a conscious effort to change that.

U.S. culture segregates by race, sometimes intentionally, but often as an unexpected consequence of our social habits. Social media makes this worse . We’ve all heard of the echo chamber effect at this point, where we only ever hear from people who agree with us and never have our views challenged.

The best way to break free of that is to proactively seek out voices you aren’t hearing from, especially from people who belong to marginalized communities.

3. Confront your racism and don’t be fragile about it.

If you start paying attention to more marginalized voices, you're going to encounter some opinions that will upset you. Some might make you feel discriminated against. Some that might even make you feel like you're the victim.

Don’t stop listening. Lean into your discomfort. Force yourself to consider other opinions, and understand why people might say something you find offensive.

You’ll learn a lot of terms you might not have encountered before — like, for instance, white fragility. This is a reference to the tendency among white people to get defensive when they get called out, instead of listening and examining what about their behavior might be problematic.

So don’t be fragile. Your feelings might be hurt, sure. But resist the urge to shut down. Only by listening can we learn to do better.

4. Use your privilege to support marginalized movements.

Your whiteness affords you privileges that can be a powerful asset for activists of color and from other marginalized groups. Police and politicians tend to take a movement far more seriously when there are white people participating. Consider the difference in the way last year's largely white Women's March were treated in comparison to black protesters in Ferguson, Missouri.

That said, you have to resist the urge to appoint yourself a leader. It’s not your place. Your job is to follow the leaders of the movement and do what you can to support them, even if you think you might know a better strategy.

Be prepared for the moment at a protest when a reporter with a camera will seek you out to be the spokesperson for the movement.

When that happens, here’s what you say: “I’m just here to support the movement because I believe in it. You should speak with the leadership; I think they’re over there.” Then point in the direction where the reporter can find group leadership.

Resist the urge to make further statements, because then it will be your face on the news that night, and not the people that the movement's actually meant to benefit.

5. Give your time and money.

There are a ton of organizations that do good work protecting marginalized groups in the courts, through lobbying, public advocacy, education, and community organizing. Cash donations are always welcomed, but if you'd prefer to donate your time instead, volunteering is usually an option.

Among those I would personally endorse: The Southern Poverty Law Center, Council on American-Islamic Relations, the American Civil Liberties Union, International Rescue Committee, Planned Parenthood, and the National Disability Rights Network. All of these organizations are effective and deserve your money.

If you can’t volunteer for a large organization like one of these, you can find a food bank or other organization in your community that helps serve vulnerable populations.

6. Be proactive about inclusion in your daily life.

If you are in any position of authority — be it at work or for an organization or club — you have an opportunity to be more inclusive of people from other backgrounds and communities. Take proactive measures to invite people of color, immigrants, disabled folks, and other marginalized people into your space.

If you’re recruiting at work, don’t put your ads on the usual web sites and expect that to be enough. Seek out places where you can recruit people underrepresented in your workplace. Predominantly Black colleges and Black business associations can help you recruit. LGBTQ community centers have job posting boards, and your town or city may have organizations that exist specifically to connect immigrants, refugees, and minorities — racial and otherwise — with the community.

7. Avoid segregation.

American culture tends in many ways to self-segregate. White spaces tend to be very white — but that doesn’t mean you can’t do something to change that.

If you’re willing to put a lot of effort into it, you can move, especially if you're planning to have kids. Growing up in a diverse community surrounded by people from different backgrounds tends to make people more accepting and open-minded, whereas growing up in homogeneous spaces (like most suburbs) can make people fearful and insular.

You can also find easier and cheaper ways to diversify your family's surroundings. In many cases it’s as simple as going into the city nearest to you, and particularly neighborhoods that are not associated specifically with White tourism.

In New York City, which is famously diverse (but also strikingly segregated in many neighborhoods), you can eschew the Met or the Natural History Museum in favor of the New Museum or El Museo de Bario.

Most houses of worship are very welcoming to people who don’t share their faith, especially parents seeking to expand their children’s horizons. Find a local mosque or synagogue and participate respectfully. Join a community group in a community different from yours. Find ways to be around people who don't share your background and privilege.

Most of all, take the time to actually do the work.

Have the uncomfortable conversations. Confront the racists in your life. Diversify the perspectives that you hear and read. Remember your place in the movement and show up.

All of these things go a long way to help include, support, and make life fairer for communities of color and all marginalized groups who have been harmed by our society.

Do the work and leave the empty performances for your community theater.

Pop Culture

Airbnb host finds unexpected benefits from not charging guests a cleaning fee

Host Rachel Boice went for a more "honest" approach with her listings—and saw major perks because of it.

@rachelrboice/TikTok

Many frustrated Airbnb customers have complained that the separate cleaning fee is a nuisance.

Airbnb defines its notorious cleaning fee as a “one-time charge” set by the host that helps them arrange anything from carpet shampoo to replenishing supplies to hiring an outside cleaning service—all in the name of ensuring guests have a “clean and tidy space.”

But as many frustrated Airbnb customers will tell you, this feature is viewed as more of a nuisance than a convenience. According to NerdWallet, the general price for a cleaning fee is around $75, but can vary greatly between listings, with some units having cleaning fees that are higher than the nightly rate (all while sometimes still being asked to do certain chores before checking out). And often none of these fees show up in the total price until right before the booking confirmation, leaving many travelers feeling confused and taken advantage of.

However, some hosts are opting to build cleaning fees into the overall price of their listings, mimicking the strategy of traditional hotels.

Rachel Boice runs two Airbnb properties in Georgia with her husband Parker—one being this fancy glass plane tiny house (seen below) that promises a perfect glamping experience.

@rachelrboice Welcome to The Tiny Glass House 🤎 #airbnbfinds #exploregeorgia #travelbucketlist #tinyhouse #glampingnotcamping #atlantageorgia #fyp ♬ Aesthetic - Tollan Kim

Like most Airbnb hosts, the Boice’s listing showed a nightly rate and separate cleaning fee. According to her interview with Insider, the original prices broke down to $89 nightly, and $40 for the cleaning fee.

But after noticing the negative response the separate fee got from potential customers, Rachel told Insider that she began charging a nightly rate that included the cleaning fee, totaling to $129 a night.

It’s a marketing strategy that more and more hosts are attempting in order to generate more bookings (people do love feeling like they’re getting a great deal) but Boice argued that the trend will also become more mainstream since the current Airbnb model “doesn’t feel honest.”

"We stay in Airbnbs a lot. I pretty much always pay a cleaning fee," Boice told Insider. "You're like: 'Why am I paying all of this money? This should just be built in for the cost.'"

Since combining costs, Rachel began noticing another unexpected perk beyond customer satisfaction: guests actually left her property cleaner than before they were charged a cleaning fee. Her hypothesis was that they assumed she would be handling the cleaning herself.

"I guess they're thinking, 'I'm not paying someone to clean this, so I'll leave it clean,'" she said.

This discovery echoes a similar anecdote given by another Airbnb host, who told NerdWallet guests who knew they were paying a cleaning fee would “sometimes leave the place looking like it’s been lived in and uncleaned for months.” So, it appears to be that being more transparent and lumping all fees into one overall price makes for a happier (and more considerate) customer.

These days, it’s hard to not be embittered by deceptive junk fees, which can seem to appear anywhere without warning—surprise overdraft charges, surcharges on credit cards, the never convenience “convenience charge” when purchasing event tickets. Junk fees are so rampant that certain measures are being taken to try to eliminate them outright in favor of more honest business approaches.

Speaking of a more honest approach—as of December 2022, AirBnb began updating its app and website so that guests can see a full price breakdown that shows a nightly rate, a cleaning fee, Airbnb service fee, discounts, and taxes before confirming their booking.

Guests can also activate a toggle function before searching for a destination, so that full prices will appear in search results—avoiding unwanted financial surprises.


This article originally appeared on 11.08.23

National Autistic Society/Youtube

"Diverted" educational video shared through the Too Much Information Campaign.

Everyone who lives with autism experiences it somewhat differently. You'll often hear physicians and advocates refer to the spectrum that exists for those who are autistic, pointing to a wide range of symptoms and skills.

But one thing many autistic people experience is sensory processing issues.


For autistic people, processing the world around them when it comes to sight, smell, or touch can be challenging, as their senses are often over- or under-sensitive. Certain situations — like meandering through a congested mall or enduring the nonstop blasting of police sirens — can quickly become unbearable.

This reality is brought to life in a new video by the U.K.'s National Autistic Society (NAS).

The eye-opening PSA takes viewers into the mind of a autistic woman as she thinks about struggling to stay composed in a crowded, noisy train.

It's worth a watch:

The PSA hit especially close to home for 22-year-old actress and star of the video Saskia Lupin, who is autistic herself. "Overall I feel confused," she said, of abrupt changes to her routine. "Like I can't do anything and all sense of rationality is lost."

She's not alone.

According to a study cited in NAS' press release, 75% of autistic people say unexpected changes make them feel socially isolated. What's more, 67% reported seeing or hearing negative reactions from the public when they try to calm themselves down in such situations — from eyerolls and stares to unwelcome, hurtful comments.

The new PSA aims to improve that last figure in particular.

It's part of the organization's Too Much Information campaign — an initiative to build empathy and understanding in allistic (i.e., not autistic) people for those on the spectrum.

Autism Awareness Day, campaign, World Autism Awareness Week

Campaign by National Autistic Society created to share the autistic experience to the world.

Photo from Pixabay

"It isn't that the public sets out to be judgmental towards autistic people," Mark Lever, chief executive of the NAS, said in a statement in 2016. It's just that, often, the public doesn't "see" the autism.

"They see a 'strange' man pacing back and forth in a shopping center," Lever explained, "or a 'naughty' girl having a tantrum on a bus, and don't know how to respond."

Well, now we do.

Instead of staring, rolling your eyes, or thinking judgmental thoughts about the young person's parents, remember: You have no idea what that stranger on the train is going through.

“We can't make the trains run on time," said Lever. But even the simplest, smallest things — like remembering not to stare and giving a person some space and compassion if they need it — can make a big difference.


This article originally appeared on 03.28.18

Pop Culture

A brave fan asks Patrick Stewart a question he doesn't usually get and is given a beautiful answer

Patrick Stewart often talks about his childhood and the torment his father put him and his mother through.

Patrick Stewart often talks about his childhood and the torment his father put him and his mother through. However, how he answered this vulnerable and brave fan's question is one of the most eloquent, passionate responses about domestic violence I've ever seen.



WARNING: At 2:40, he's going to break your heart a little.

You can read more about Heather Skye's hug with Captain Picard at her blog.


This article originally appeared on 06.26.13.


How to clear a stuffy nose instantly.

With cold season upon us, there's no better time to learn a couple of awesome and easy tricks that will clear up the dreaded and annoying stuffy nose.

Prevention magazine created a short video showing two easy ways to get you breathing free again no matter how stuffed up you might be.


Both tricks take less than two minutes and are certainly worth trying out when it feels like that runny nose might never go away.


Watch the YouTube video below:

This article first appeared on 9.8.17.

Family

Heartwarming comics break down complex parenting issues with ease

Lunarbaboon comics tackle huge, important subjects with an effective, lighthearted touch that you can't help but smile at.

All images by Christopher Grady/Lunarbaboon, used with permission

Writing comics helped a father struggling with anxiety and depression.

Christopher Grady, a father and teacher from Toronto, was struggling with anxiety and depression. That's when he started drawing.

He describes his early cartoons and illustrations as a journal where he'd chronicle everyday moments from his life as a husband, elementary school teacher, and father to two kids.

"I needed a positive place to focus all my thoughts and found that when I was making comics I felt a little bit better," he says.

He began putting a few of his comics online, not expecting much of a response. But he quickly learned that people were connecting with his work in a deep way.


The comics series called Lunarbaboon was born, and the response to the first few was so powerful that Grady was inspired do more with his comics than just document his own experience.

"I began getting messages from many people about how they connected to the comics and it gave them hope and strength as they went through their own dark times," he says.

"When they look back…they probably won't remember what was said…or where you were when you said it. They may not remember any details of your time together. But they will remember that you were there…and that's what matters most."

"Usually the circle of people we can support, help, influence is limited to our families, friends, coworkers, random stranger at the bus stop, but with my comic I suddenly found my circle of power was much much larger," Grady explains. "I guess I decided to use this power for good."

Grady continued to draw, making a point to infuse the panels with his own special brand of positivity.

"Kids are always watching adults and they look to the adults as role models," he says. "I try to show (my kids and students) that even with all my flaws and weaknesses I am still a good person and I can still make a positive change in the world."

Lunarbaboon comics tackle huge, important subjects with an effective, lighthearted touch that you can't help but smile at.

Check out Grady's take on teaching his son about consent. (All images by Christopher Grady/Lunarbaboon, used with permission.)

consent, relationship advice, father son advice, family

A comic about listening and respecting your partner.

All images by Christopher Grady/Lunarbaboon, used with permission

Here's one about parents being supportive of a gay son or daughter.

sexual orientation, parenting gay children, positive messages, gender orientation

Parents being supportive of their gay son.

All images by Christopher Grady/Lunarbaboon, used with permission

On raising girls in a patriarchal world.

adulting, education, medical field, dreams

Comic encourages girls to chase all their dreams.

All images by Christopher Grady/Lunarbaboon, used with permission

And here's a sweet one about appreciating the heck out of his wife.

motherhood, moms, childbirth, family

Mom one ups dad easily.

All images by Christopher Grady/Lunarbaboon, used with permission

Big topics. Important issues. Grady tackles them with humility and ease.

As Lunarbaboon has continued to grow, Grady says the messages of support he gets have become increasingly powerful.

He certainly doesn't claim to have all the answers to all the complexities of parenting, but he does say that "people like knowing they aren't alone in life's daily struggles. Most people who contact me just want to say thank you for putting something positive into the world."

Grady doesn't expect his Lunarbaboon comics to fix rape culture or end bigotry. He just hopes his message of love, inclusion, and positivity continues to spread.

inclusion, gender roles, social anxiety, happy

Teaching children to accept what might be different.

All images by Christopher Grady/Lunarbaboon, used with permission

"My hope is that for the short time people read it they smile and feel good," he says. "Then I hope they take that good feeling and smile into the world and make it slightly brighter."

You can check out even more of Grady's awesome work over on his website or in his newly published book.


This article was originally published on 11.30.17