upworthy
Add Upworthy to your Google News feed.
Google News Button
Joy

7 things Black people want their well-meaning white friends to know

"You, white friend, need to speak up and say something when I can't."

comic of a Black man holding a sandwich speaking to a white woman

Growing up black in a white neighborhood.

I grew up Black in a very white neighborhood in a very white city in a very white state.

As such, I am a lot of people's only Black friend.

Being the only Black friend is a gift and a curse. I am Black and I love having friends. But I am also, at any given moment, expected to be a translator, an ambassador, a history teacher, and/or a walking, talking invitation into "I am not racist" territory. It's a lot to handle. See what I mean about that curse?

So when I saw the animated short-film "Your Black Friend," I felt so seen. Clearly, I am not alone.

group of teens taking a photo before a dance. all eyes are pixelated except the author's

Don't get me wrong, my friends are awesome, just very white. Here are me and a few of my pixelated pals before a high school dance in the early 2000s.

Photo courtesy of the author.

The film, which was written, designed, and narrated by Ben Passmore and is based on his mini-comic of the same name, is a brilliant, refreshing way to examine whiteness and racism. The comic and animated short are an open-letter from "your Black friend" to you, their well-meaning white friend, about bias, alienation, and what it means to be a good ally and friend.

It's funny, honest, and heartbreaking in equal measure. And speaking from personal experience, it captures the experience of being a Black friend to white people pretty much perfectly.

So if you're a "woke" friend and ally, here are some things your Black friend wants you to know.

1. You're going to have to get uncomfortable.

illustration of a white barista looking uncomfortable in front of a customer

Animation depicting a racist joke that creates an awkward and upsetting space.

Silver Sprocket/YouTube

It could be something as obvious and upsetting as a racist joke. Or something as "benign" as your aunt suggesting you cross the street when she sees a group of Black kids walking by. But either way, if you want to be a good friend and a real ally, you're going to have to speak up. You're going to have to have those tough conversations with people you care about.

It's not easy to confront strangers or people you love, but if you don't do it, you are part of the problem. Sitting out isn't an option. No one said being an ally is easy.

2. "Your Black friend would like to say something to the racist lady, but doesn't want to appear to be that 'angry Black man.'"

illustration of Black man walking by police car, littering, and the sirens going off

Biased situations that play out uncomfortably true.

Silver Sprocket/YouTube

"He knows this type of person expects that from him, and he will lose before he begins," Passmore says.

Black people can't always react or respond the way we want to. When I am followed in a department store, pulled over for no reason, or stared at while picking up dinner at the fancy grocery store, I can't stop what I'm doing and yell, "YES, I AM BLACK. NO, I AM NOT A CRIMINAL YOU SMALL-MINDED, BIASED ASSHOLES." Trust me, I want to. But especially when police are involved, I have to be calm, respectful, and obedient.

That's where you come in. You, white friend, need to speak up and say something when I can't. If you are not at risk, nor considered a threat, you have a certain amount of privilege in these situations. Use it to demand answers, speak to supervisors, or if things really get dicey, pull out your phone and hit record.

3. We are constantly monitoring our surroundings and adjusting our clothes, hair, speed, and speech to maintain white comfort.

illustration of two Black men talking; one looks anxious and one looks nonplussed

Friends may not realize the challenges in avoiding unwarranted confrontation.

Silver Sprocket/YouTube

We don't like it, but one small choice—like deciding whether or not to wear a hood, or the speed at which we reach into our glove box—can be the difference between life and death.

When I am in a parking garage and walking behind a white woman, I intentionally cough or walk a little louder so she turns and notices me.

Why? Because when I don't, that same white woman will often clutch her purse and occasionally let out an audible gasp as I pass her. This is something my white friends likely don't realize I have to do. Some of them may even be the pearl-clutchers in the parking lot.

But to maintain white comfort and to avoid having the cops called on us, we often have to tamp down clothes, modify our speech and volume, even do our hair differently. We have to have "the talk" with our kids about how the world sees them, and how to act in order to make sure they come home alive.

No, it's not fair. No, we don't like it. But so long as this country and its institutions are built on a solid foundation of white supremacy, it's a grim reality. You need to know that, and take it up with your fellow white people about how to dismantle it.

4. "Your Black friend wishes you'd play more than Beyoncé. There are more Black performers than Beyoncé."

comig gif of a Black man looking uncomfortable in the car with a white friend

Taste isn't only derived from race and culture.

Silver Sprocket/YouTube

Lemonade was awesome. There is no denying it. And yes, I love seeing her iconic looks on Instagram too. But there is more to Black music and Black art than Beyoncé. Dip a toe outside your comfort zone and try new new artists and genres you may not be familiar with. Go listen, see it, and experience it for yourself.

And while we're here, you can't say the n-word when you sing along. Nope. You just can't.

5. Speaking of which, performative Blackness is really uncomfortable.

comic of a white woman wearing an afro wig to the chagrin of their Black friend

Sometimes jokes and misguided appreciation is hurtful.

Silver Sprocket/YouTube

When you wear that braided wig on Halloween, or use your "blaccent" when you're around me or other Black people, it hurts. It's not cute or charming, and it definitely doesn't make you seem cool.

Our culture and heritage are not costumes you can slide on and off at your convenience. We don't get to be Black only when it suits us. Neither do you.

6. "Your Black friend feels like a man without a country."

[rebelmouse-image 19533613 expand=1 dam=1 alt="illustration of man walking up to a storefront that says "Hot Po-Boys"" site_id=19596302 is_animated_gif="false" original_size="450x253" crop_info="%7B%22image%22%3A%20%22https%3A//assets.rbl.ms/19533613/origin.gif%22%2C%20%22thumbnails%22%3A%20%7B%22origin%22%3A%20%22https%3A//assets.rbl.ms/19533613/origin.gif%22%2C%20%22300x%22%3A%20%22https%3A//assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8xOTUzMzYxMy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTcyNjgwOTMzOH0.sHeD9Q3K0WIQex6BPqKfeik-MqqlLOJwaBukZ-cFhec/img.gif%3Fwidth%3D300%22%2C%20%221000x750%22%3A%20%22https%3A//assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8xOTUzMzYxMy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTcyNjgwOTMzOH0.sHeD9Q3K0WIQex6BPqKfeik-MqqlLOJwaBukZ-cFhec/img.gif%3Fwidth%3D1000%26height%3D750%26coordinates%3D56%252C0%252C56%252C0%22%2C%20%22600x200%22%3A%20%22https%3A//assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8xOTUzMzYxMy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTcyNjgwOTMzOH0.sHeD9Q3K0WIQex6BPqKfeik-MqqlLOJwaBukZ-cFhec/img.gif%3Fwidth%3D600%26height%3D200%26coordinates%3D0%252C51%252C0%252C52%22%2C%20%22210x%22%3A%20%22https%3A//assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8xOTUzMzYxMy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTcyNjgwOTMzOH0.sHeD9Q3K0WIQex6BPqKfeik-MqqlLOJwaBukZ-cFhec/img.gif%3Fwidth%3D210%22%2C%20%22300x300%22%3A%20%22https%3A//assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8xOTUzMzYxMy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTcyNjgwOTMzOH0.sHeD9Q3K0WIQex6BPqKfeik-MqqlLOJwaBukZ-cFhec/img.gif%3Fwidth%3D300%26height%3D300%26coordinates%3D98%252C0%252C99%252C0%22%2C%20%22600x%22%3A%20%22https%3A//assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8xOTUzMzYxMy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTcyNjgwOTMzOH0.sHeD9Q3K0WIQex6BPqKfeik-MqqlLOJwaBukZ-cFhec/img.gif%3Fwidth%3D600%22%2C%20%221245x700%22%3A%20%22https%3A//assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8xOTUzMzYxMy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTcyNjgwOTMzOH0.sHeD9Q3K0WIQex6BPqKfeik-MqqlLOJwaBukZ-cFhec/img.gif%3Fwidth%3D1245%26height%3D700%26coordinates%3D0%252C0%252C0%252C0%22%2C%20%2235x35%22%3A%20%22https%3A//assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8xOTUzMzYxMy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTcyNjgwOTMzOH0.sHeD9Q3K0WIQex6BPqKfeik-MqqlLOJwaBukZ-cFhec/img.gif%3Fwidth%3D35%26height%3D35%22%2C%20%22750x1000%22%3A%20%22https%3A//assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8xOTUzMzYxMy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTcyNjgwOTMzOH0.sHeD9Q3K0WIQex6BPqKfeik-MqqlLOJwaBukZ-cFhec/img.gif%3Fwidth%3D750%26height%3D1000%26coordinates%3D130%252C0%252C130%252C0%22%2C%20%22600x400%22%3A%20%22https%3A//assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8xOTUzMzYxMy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTcyNjgwOTMzOH0.sHeD9Q3K0WIQex6BPqKfeik-MqqlLOJwaBukZ-cFhec/img.gif%3Fwidth%3D600%26height%3D400%26coordinates%3D35%252C0%252C35%252C0%22%2C%20%221200x400%22%3A%20%22https%3A//assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8xOTUzMzYxMy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTcyNjgwOTMzOH0.sHeD9Q3K0WIQex6BPqKfeik-MqqlLOJwaBukZ-cFhec/img.gif%3Fwidth%3D1200%26height%3D400%26coordinates%3D0%252C51%252C0%252C52%22%2C%20%22600x300%22%3A%20%22https%3A//assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8xOTUzMzYxMy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTcyNjgwOTMzOH0.sHeD9Q3K0WIQex6BPqKfeik-MqqlLOJwaBukZ-cFhec/img.gif%3Fwidth%3D600%26height%3D300%26coordinates%3D0%252C14%252C0%252C14%22%2C%20%22600x600%22%3A%20%22https%3A//assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8xOTUzMzYxMy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTcyNjgwOTMzOH0.sHeD9Q3K0WIQex6BPqKfeik-MqqlLOJwaBukZ-cFhec/img.gif%3Fwidth%3D600%26height%3D600%26coordinates%3D98%252C0%252C99%252C0%22%2C%20%222000x1500%22%3A%20%22https%3A//assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8xOTUzMzYxMy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTcyNjgwOTMzOH0.sHeD9Q3K0WIQex6BPqKfeik-MqqlLOJwaBukZ-cFhec/img.gif%3Fwidth%3D2000%26height%3D1500%26coordinates%3D56%252C0%252C56%252C0%22%2C%20%221200x600%22%3A%20%22https%3A//assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8xOTUzMzYxMy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTcyNjgwOTMzOH0.sHeD9Q3K0WIQex6BPqKfeik-MqqlLOJwaBukZ-cFhec/img.gif%3Fwidth%3D1200%26height%3D600%26coordinates%3D0%252C14%252C0%252C14%22%2C%20%22980x%22%3A%20%22https%3A//assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8xOTUzMzYxMy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTcyNjgwOTMzOH0.sHeD9Q3K0WIQex6BPqKfeik-MqqlLOJwaBukZ-cFhec/img.gif%3Fwidth%3D980%22%2C%20%221200x800%22%3A%20%22https%3A//assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8xOTUzMzYxMy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTcyNjgwOTMzOH0.sHeD9Q3K0WIQex6BPqKfeik-MqqlLOJwaBukZ-cFhec/img.gif%3Fwidth%3D1200%26height%3D800%26coordinates%3D35%252C0%252C35%252C0%22%2C%20%22700x1245%22%3A%20%22https%3A//assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8xOTUzMzYxMy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTcyNjgwOTMzOH0.sHeD9Q3K0WIQex6BPqKfeik-MqqlLOJwaBukZ-cFhec/img.gif%3Fwidth%3D700%26height%3D1245%26coordinates%3D153%252C0%252C154%252C0%22%2C%20%221500x2000%22%3A%20%22https%3A//assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8xOTUzMzYxMy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTcyNjgwOTMzOH0.sHeD9Q3K0WIQex6BPqKfeik-MqqlLOJwaBukZ-cFhec/img.gif%3Fwidth%3D1500%26height%3D2000%26coordinates%3D130%252C0%252C130%252C0%22%2C%20%22450x253%22%3A%20%22https%3A//assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8xOTUzMzYxMy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTcyNjgwOTMzOH0.sHeD9Q3K0WIQex6BPqKfeik-MqqlLOJwaBukZ-cFhec/img.gif%3Fwidth%3D450%26height%3D253%26coordinates%3D0%252C0%252C0%252C0%22%7D%2C%20%22manual_image_crops%22%3A%20%7B%22custom%22%3A%20%7B%22sizes%22%3A%20%5B%22450x253%22%5D%2C%20%22top%22%3A%200%2C%20%22height%22%3A%20253%2C%20%22width%22%3A%20450%2C%20%22left%22%3A%200%7D%2C%20%222x1%22%3A%20%7B%22sizes%22%3A%20%5B%221200x600%22%2C%20%22600x300%22%5D%2C%20%22top%22%3A%2014%2C%20%22height%22%3A%20225%2C%20%22width%22%3A%20450%2C%20%22left%22%3A%200%7D%2C%20%223x1%22%3A%20%7B%22sizes%22%3A%20%5B%221200x400%22%2C%20%22600x200%22%5D%2C%20%22top%22%3A%2051%2C%20%22height%22%3A%20150%2C%20%22width%22%3A%20450%2C%20%22left%22%3A%200%7D%2C%20%223x2%22%3A%20%7B%22sizes%22%3A%20%5B%221200x800%22%2C%20%22600x400%22%5D%2C%20%22top%22%3A%200%2C%20%22height%22%3A%20253%2C%20%22width%22%3A%20380%2C%20%22left%22%3A%2035%7D%2C%20%224x3%22%3A%20%7B%22sizes%22%3A%20%5B%222000x1500%22%2C%20%221000x750%22%5D%2C%20%22top%22%3A%200%2C%20%22height%22%3A%20253%2C%20%22width%22%3A%20338%2C%20%22left%22%3A%2056%7D%2C%20%223x4%22%3A%20%7B%22sizes%22%3A%20%5B%221500x2000%22%2C%20%22750x1000%22%5D%2C%20%22top%22%3A%200%2C%20%22height%22%3A%20253%2C%20%22width%22%3A%20190%2C%20%22left%22%3A%20130%7D%2C%20%221x1%22%3A%20%7B%22sizes%22%3A%20%5B%22600x600%22%2C%20%22300x300%22%5D%2C%20%22top%22%3A%200%2C%20%22height%22%3A%20253%2C%20%22width%22%3A%20253%2C%20%22left%22%3A%2098%7D%2C%20%229x16%22%3A%20%7B%22sizes%22%3A%20%5B%22700x1245%22%5D%2C%20%22top%22%3A%200%2C%20%22height%22%3A%20253%2C%20%22width%22%3A%20143%2C%20%22left%22%3A%20153%7D%2C%20%2216x9%22%3A%20%7B%22sizes%22%3A%20%5B%221245x700%22%5D%2C%20%22top%22%3A%200%2C%20%22height%22%3A%20253%2C%20%22width%22%3A%20450%2C%20%22left%22%3A%200%7D%7D%7D" image_crop="3x2"]

Can we enjoy each others company without pointing out our differences?

Silver Sprocket/YouTube

Having white friends and seeming to "fit in" with the majority can feel really alienating. You can feel too "white" for Black people, and too "Black" for white people when all you want to do is find people to eat pizza with. As Passmore wrote, "He is lost in this contradiction, and held responsible for it."

7. We would love it if we could stop talking about our anxiety and frustrations regarding racism. But right now, that's impossible.

Our concerns are urgent and real. We're getting subpar health care. We're disenfranchised. We're over-policed. We're thrown in jail. We're killed by people sworn to protect us. It's exhausting, but we have to keep talking about it. So do you.

We can't be expected to dismantle white supremacy on our own.

Our white friends and allies need to step up and gather their people. Have the tough conversations. Speak up when you see racism, discrimination, and microaggressions. The time to talk about it is done. Be about it, or find yourself a new Black friend.

Watch "Your Black Friend" in full and check out Passmore's book, Your Black Friend And Other Strangers.


This article was written by Erin Canty and originally published on seven years ago.

Joy

5 ways people are going "All In" this week

From the silly to the sentimental, there are so many ways people like to go “all in” on something. Here are our five favorite examples this week.

True

When you hear the words “all in,” what do you think? If you’ve read our last week's article, you might say lip syncing in the car so passionately that the car flips (special effects included). We've found that going "All In" can also be something heartfelt and magical, like not giving up on your lifelong dreams and becoming a figure skater at the age of 49.

Going “All In” is about doing what is special to you, whether it’s a lifelong goal or accidentally being way too passionate. Our friends at All In Food ask you what you “go all in” on? They’re all in on good ingredients, giving back to the community, and with this article, finding the best stories of people who go “All In” every week.

1. A Rubik's Cube Celebration

There’s nothing better than a bit of nostalgia to start your day. Let’s paint a picture: the year was 2016, and a young man in a red shirt placed an unsolved Rubik's cube in a bag. The next second he pulled it out: SOLVED. Someone in the crowd called out, “There are two Rubik's cubes in the bag!” What happened next was truly amazing, and the audiences reaction did not disappoint. You’ll have to watch the video yourself to see how the audience went "all in" with their response.

2. A Very All In Merry Poppins Costume

If you’ve ever watched a video by Justin Flom, you’ll know he goes All In on costumes for his kids all the time, and his 2.7 million followers exemplify that people will never get tired of his creativity and the whimsy that he creates for his family. With a hole cut out on the top of an umbrella and a bungee cord hooked into the ceiling, Justin’s daughter was able to seamlessly become Mary Poppins, using her umbrella to gently drift down from their second story. October has just begun…we can’t wait to see what else Justin goes All In on!

3. All In on Singles

This company is all about going all in, so much so it's called All In Food. These bars are packed with fiber and delicious ingredients, making for the perfect snack bar. For the last few months, All In bars have been available by the pack in three delicious flavors at Sprouts Farmers Market. As of this week, they have an exciting launch at the Sprouts "New For You Destination," so you can buy them as a single bar.

Now, you might be wondering, "Is this bar for me?" And just like dating, you need to try it to know for sure! So get out there and give it a go! You might be All In on the best snack bar too. And to give you that push, All In is giving you a free bar; just snap a pic of your receipt, and you’ll be reimbursed through the Aisle app!

4. All In on…birdwatching?

This trailer for the film, “LISTENERS: A Glimpse into Extreme Birdwatching” has got me hooked. This film is about the non-stop, action-packed game of birdwatching, aka "birding." One thing's for certain: bird watchers go all in. Before you judge, take a look at the trailer; you might be surprised by the competitive edge that the sport has garnered. I might not be All In on birdwatching just yet, but you can count me in on watching this completely free documentary on YouTube.

5. Man dancing at a football game

@gbrotherson

So this happened today! Best Day Ever! @Atlanta Falcons

Last on our list, we have proof that dance and sports don’t need to be mutually exclusive; a man can do both (yes, I’m talking to you, Chad from High School Musical 2). This video of a man dancing at an Atlanta Falcons football game is truly a great time all around. Gary Brotherson, a self-proclaimed “Jorts and Slides enthusiast,” according to his Tik Tok bio, went all in with his energetic dance moves while he was caught on the stadium fan cam.

Thank you for rounding us out this week Gary. We can't wait to see what the internet is going all in on next week!

Snag your free (!!) snack bar here while this deal lasts. Just pick up a bar at Sprouts and text a pic ofv your receipt to get it for free. Enoy!

Phtoo Credit: https://www.canva.com/photos

An otter, a lion, a golden retriever, a beaver

In the never-ending quest to understand ourselves better, or at least have just one more distraction from whatever it is we should be doing, here comes the animal personality test. And the craziest part is (at least for me), it's kind of accurate.

The truth is, these days anyone can create their own personality tests. (And they do… and I've taken them.) Which Sex and the City character are you? Who is your inner Marvel superhero? What color is your heart? (Carrie, Ant Man, and black respectively.)

But this particular animal archetype quiz, in actuality, is a model developed in the late 90s by Gary Smalley, an author with a psychology background and a PhD in counseling. Co-created by author John Trent, the two wrote a book called The Two Sides of Love: The Secret to Valuing Differences. The idea is to strike a balance between the tender, "soft" side of love and the "hard," more direct side. After taking the quiz provided in the book (and now online), one can find out if their temperament is the lion, the beaver, the otter, or the golden retriever.

Even though it was written as a love-based tool, this personality test is often mentioned in the corporate world as a way to find out how people relate in the workforce. Jasper Rose, a financial recruiting agency, shared the quiz on their website, but notes, "This model should be taken with a pinch of salt. These animal categories describe the natural leaning of your temperament. In other words, they aren’t entirely fixed, as personalities are flexible and change over time, and people are complex." (So something an otter would say.)

Without further ado, the personality test can be taken (among many places) through this Michigan State University worksheet here:

personality test, lion, beaver, otter, golden retriever Gary Smalley and John Trent's personality testPhoto Credit: Michigan State University

As with most personality tests, these questions can be tricky, as many times more than one answer will apply. For example, one question asks that you rank what best describes you from the following: "likes authority, enthusiastic, sensitive feelings, likes instructions." Another: "Takes charge, takes risks, loyal, accurate." It's possible to relate to all four statements equally, making this a flawed test.

But if you're in it for a lighthearted look at something that may vaguely describe you, here's a breakdown of the results:

THE LION

lion, personality, fierce, strong, animal A lion roams. Giphy GIF by Savage Kingdom, Nat Geo

These, according to the test, are the natural-born leaders. They are confident, take-charge, strong, and independent. From the Jasper Rose website:

"Strengths: visionary, persistent, practical, productive, initiates change and projects, communicates directly, enjoys being challenged, strong-willed, independent, decisive, leader.

Weaknesses: Insensitive/cold, sarcastic, self-sufficient, impatient, stubborn, overlooks risks, controlling at times, can be too direct."

An educational worksheet on the Community Engaged Learning website (Michigan State University) adds that lions, "are great at initiating communication, but not great at listening." They add their natural desires are "freedom, authority, variety, difficult assignments, opportunity for advancement."

THE OTTER

otter, personality, silly, cute, animal An otter is surprised. Giphy GIF by Nashville Tour Stop

These are our happy social types. "They are often energetic and enthusiastic, with a tendency to be playful and enjoy humor. Otters are generally creative and enjoy trying new things but may struggle with follow-through. They value relationships and are often empathetic and compassionate towards others."

"Strengths: Outgoing, optimistic, personable, communicator, dreamer, responsive, warm, friendly, talkative, enthusiastic, compassionate.

Weaknesses: Undisciplined, unproductive, exaggerative, egocentric, unstable, struggle with follow-through, impulsive, needs social approval, easily offended."

The Center for Relationship Education adds, "Otters find it easy to be soft on people. It is also easy for them to be soft on problems. Otters need to learn to say ‘No’ and provide the hard-side balance of healthy boundary setting."

THE BEAVER

beaver, animal, personality type, snacks, cute Beaver enjoying a snack. Giphy GIF by San Diego Zoo Wildlife Alliance

These are our go-tos for decisive, detail-oriented people who actually enjoy structure and routine. "Beavers tend to be cautious and risk-averse, preferring to follow established procedures rather than taking chances. They are also known for their analytical skills and ability to organize complex information. However, they may struggle with flexibility and creativity, and may sometimes be perceived as overly critical."

"Strengths: Analytical, thorough, decision-maker, deliberate, self-disciplined, industrious, organized, aesthetic, sacrificing.

Weaknesses: Moody, self-centered, touchy, negative, unsociable, critical, revengeful."

The educational handout adds that in terms of relationships, "Beavers are good listeners, communicate details, and are usually diplomatic."

THE GOLDEN RETRIEVER

dog, golden retriever, personality quiz, loyalty Golden Retriever adorably looks up. Giphy GIF by WoofWaggers

These are our loyal, dependable friends/lovers. "They also tend to avoid conflict and prioritize maintaining harmony in their relationships. However, they may struggle with making decisions and taking action, and may sometimes come across as passive or indifferent."

"Strengths: Calm, supportive, agreeable, easy-going, loyal, dependable, quiet, objective, diplomatic, humorous, values relationships, stable and consistent.

Weaknesses: Selfish, stingy, indirect with others, resists change, procrastinator, unmotivated, lacks initiative, indecisive, fearful, worrier, can be co-dependent."

The Center for Relationship Education notes, "Goldens’ strong tendency toward the soft-side of love can lead to issues of co-dependence and enabling. Goldens need to learn to balance their natural soft-side with some hard-side qualities."

As with most quizzes like these, most of us are a combination of traits not easily put into labeled boxes. If nothing else, it's a creative way to get people thinking about how they interact with one another in a variety of situations. (Which is totally something a golden retriever like me would say.)

The chins evolved to bring us Henry Cavill. Duh.

When we talk about what makes humans special, we usually point to our big brains, our opposable thumbs, our affinity for tool-making…or, more recently, the fact that we can turn oat milk into a personality trait.

But scientists say there’s something else that sets us apart from every other species on Earth. Something so ordinary you probably don’t even think about it when you look in the mirror.

It’s your chin. Yes, really. That tiny little nub of bone under your smile is one of the weirdest, most mysterious features in all of evolution.

No other animal has one. Not chimpanzees. Not gorillas. Not even our closest ancient relatives, the Neanderthals. Somewhere along the evolutionary line, humans woke up with a chin. Researchers have been trying to figure out why ever since, which has led to some pretty wild theories.

evolution, chin implants, cool history, science, pbs pbs eons, paleontology, smithsonian magazine Neanderthal media1.giphy.com

Chewing, by far, is the prevailing and most studied theory. After all, our ancestors’ jaws and teeth got smaller as our diets changed, and perhaps the chin evolved to help keep everything strong and supported. Flora Gröning, a biological anthropologist at the University of York, put that theory to the test by digitally modeling how human and Neanderthal jaws handled pressure. Turns out, she found, the chin does give our jaw a little extra reinforcement while chewing. Score one for Team Chewing.

But another camp believes it’s all about how we talk. In 1913, physician Louis Robison suggested that the chin developed to support the human language growing more complex, acting like a tiny shock absorber to protect our jaws from the muscular gymnastics required for human speech. Because let’s be honest, “She sells seashells by the seashore” is no easy task.

Then there’s a third, more scandalous idea: maybe it’s about attraction. According to the sexual selection theory, our chins could be nature’s version of a dating app filter. Studies have found that women may subconsciously prefer men with broader, more prominent chins, which signal testosterone and “good genes.” Men, on the other hand, often favor women with narrower, softer chins—traits linked to higher estrogen levels.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

This theory was strengthened when researchers Zaneta Thayer and Seth Dobson examined nearly 200 skulls from around the world and noticed that male chins did tend to be taller and more pronounced. That suggests our chins might have been shaped, at least in part, by what our ancestors found attractive.

However, the more outlandish theories involve laundry…and boxing. Some think that chins came about so that we could clamp down on cloth while folding, while others think that they evolved to take a punch.

Still others think chins just sort of happened. No actual purpose, just a byproduct of evolution. Wouldn’t be the first time. (Looking at you, belly buttons)

In the end, there may not be one single reason we have chins. It could be a mix…a little bit of chewing, a little bit of talking, and a little bit of flirting. A little bit of punching? Evolution, it seems, has range.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

So next time you rest your hand under your chin in deep thought, give it some credit. That humble bump of bone may not get the glory our brains do, but it’s uniquely ours. A small, sculpted reminder that being human is as much about mystery as it is about the mind.

Special thanks to Smithsonian Magazine and PBS Eons for supplying such interesting info!

Pets

Yes, even cats have a favorite person. How they choose and how to tell they've picked you.

Just because they seem uninterested doesn't mean they don't pick favorites.

Even cats have a favorite person. Here's how they choose.

Cats may be persnickety at times or appear aloof to the presence of humans, but that doesn't mean they don't have their favorites. Just like dogs, cats also fancy having a human best friend, but unless the feline companion is overly affectionate, one may not know they've been chosen.

Some cats live up to the expectation that they will give the most attention to the person who likes them the least. But most cats are particular about who they choose to give their attention to. In a one-person household, there could be a real possibility that the human in the equation isn't the favorite. After all, cats are not dogs who will be excited by their humans' mere existence. Cats are much more like broke royalty who expect their humans to be grateful for the opportunity to scoop out their litter boxes.

cat; cats; pets; cat's favorite; people and cats; cat snuggles; cat behavior Curious cat and baby share a gentle moment on the grass.Photo credit: Canva

Due to the imaginary royal title, a cat is much more discerning about who they give their priceless attention to. Usually, it's easy to tell who kitty has designated as their favorite person in a multi-person household. But the question remains, how do they pick their person?

According to Union Lake Veterinary Hospital, "People who communicate with their cat by getting to know their cues and motives are more attractive to their cat companions." They added, "Another reason behind their preference is the cat’s breed or personality. If your cat is the type who wants to be chill and relax, they will probably gravitate towards the family member who is calm and quiet. Playful, energetic cats who love to stay active will likely choose a friend who gives them this exercise and attention. In fact, it may be that your cat is revealing something about you in why they choose to love you best."

cat; cats; pets; cat's favorite; people and cats; cat snuggles; cat behavior Feline friends sharing a tender moment by the window.Photo credit: Canva

Certified Feline Training and Behavior Specialist and founder of Cat Behavior Solutions, Molly DeVoss, explains to Rover that cats prefer people who have a calming presence, feed them, and play with them. She also shares how trauma in a cat's early life influences how they form attachments to humans. "If a cat (or kitten) were in an abusive or neglectful situation with a certain demographic, they’re more likely to feel uncomfortable and unsafe around some types of people."

How can you tell if a cat has chosen you as their favorite human?

Cats will let you know that you might be their favorite person by doing a few things. According to DeVoss, if a cat is keen on you being their number one human, they'll do things like headbutt your hands, legs, and even forehead. They'll bring you their toys, rub their scent on you, rub their teeth or mouth on you, and groom you by licking your hair. DeVoss also says that when a cat exposes their belly or flops around briefly, it displays a deep level of trust.

cat; cats; pets; cat's favorite; people and cats; cat snuggles; cat behavior A sweet moment shared with a fluffy friend.Photo credit: Canva

To become your cat's favorite person, you may need to start sharing some common interests. That doesn't mean you have to stalk bugs or start knocking things off of counters, but if your cat likes watching out the window, you can make it a shared activity. Cats can also be trained to perform tricks, especially those that are active and attentive to their surroundings. You can even get a cat play yard or "catio" for the ones that seem as if they're longing to do some porch sitting with you.

You can also bond with them by talking to them throughout the day, even if they don't know what you're saying, Union Lake Veterinary Hospital says. Being affectionate with your cat more often, with pets, hugs, and scratches, will make them feel loved and safe. Doing some of these things will have your feline companion purring their little hearts out in no time.

True

Food banks are a community staple for millions of Americans. Not only do they provide nutritional assistance to low-income families, they’re also often one of the few places where people can get non-food essentials like diapers, toiletries, paper towels, clothing and more. For the 44 million people in the United States facing food insecurity, pantries can literally be a lifeline.

But that lifeline is at risk. Food pantries rely on donations, both from individuals and government programs, to stay stocked. Rising poverty levels and budget cuts mean that food pantries sometimes can’t meet the demands of their communities—and as a result, families go without.

No person should struggle for basic needs—which is why Land O’Lakes is teaming up with Clove in the name of comfort ahead of the 2025 holiday season.

Comfort, meet comfort.

A partnership between a farmer-owned cooperative and a modern footwear brand might seem like an unusual pairing. But the reality is that both organizations provide things that are enjoyable and much needed for American families.

You might be surprised to learn, for example, that dairy is one of the most requested but least-donated items at food banks around the nation. From a nutritional lens, dairy is a source of high-quality protein that provides 3 of 4 nutrients—calcium, potassium and vitamin D—that low-income households are at risk of missing from their diets.

But on a larger scale, dairy provides comfort. Items like butter, milk and cream are in high demand, particularly around the end of the year since so many families use these items for baking holiday treats. And while shoes can be stylish gifts, they’re also a basic necessity for hardworking frontline workers who provide care for others and spend hours on their feet. In fact, 96 million people in the U.S. spend their work shift standing.

"We are so excited to collaborate with Clove Shoes and take a moment to celebrate the color of the moment, but also our everyday favorite, butter yellow," said Heather Anfang, president of Land O'Lakes Dairy Foods. "As a company who shares our values of community, hard work and comfort, we are thrilled for the launch of their shoe but also for our shared donation to those in need in an important area for our two brands in Philadelphia."

Meaningful giving when people need it most

Together, the organizations have donated dozens of sneakers and more than 3,750 pounds of butter to Philabundance, one of the largest food banks in Philadelphia and part of Feeding America’s nationwide network of food banks, pantries, and meal programs. As they team up to donate needed supplies, they’re also helping families feel nourished—inside and out—ahead of the cold winter months.

"As a Philadelphia-based brand, we’re proud to give back to the community we call home—nourishing our city and supporting those who care every day," shares Jordyn Amoroso, Co-founder and CBO. Clove has also gifted 88 shoes to the students enrolled at Philabundance Community Kitchen: a free, life-changing workforce development program run by Philabundance.

At a time when so many are stretched thin and families are moving into the holiday season facing food insecurity, collaborations like these can provide an unexpected value—a chance to revitalize local communities, to nourish families, and show how comfort can take many different forms.

Learn more about this unexpected partnership here.

Culture

Gen Xers and Boomers share the sobering warning signs about aging that totally snuck up on them

"Eventually you will end up in that CVS aisle you always skipped because it didn’t pertain to you."

Canva

A group of friends hang out

Hands down, no one can speak on the truths about aging quite like Boomers (those born 1946 to 1964) or Gen X (those born 1965 to 1980). With years of life under their belt, they possess rare wisdom and insight into what it's like to really get old.

Over on Reddit, user @Knightress04 posed the following question to Boomers and Gen Xers on the hilariously named /AskOldPeople channel: "What’s something about aging that no one warned you about, but you wish they had?"

The responses did not hold back. Gen Xers and Boomers opened up about their first-hand experiences and let their opinions flow.

aging, Gen X, Boomers, Reddit, getting older, life advice, AskOldPeople, menopause, retirement, signs of aging A group of people sit around talkingCanva

These are the best responses to the warning signs about aging from Gen Xers and Boomers, including the good, the bad, and the ugly:

"The slow loss of everything, your abilities, your health, your friends, relatives, places you loved, etc. Just the eroding away of everything." —@ BreadfruitOk6160

"All the loss you endure." —@southerndude42

"I wish they had warned me that it's OKAY 'not to do anything' when you retire. My husband and I have been retired about two years now, and it's been wonderful. But we're not jetting around the world. We are just relaxing, enjoying being home. And that's okay, it doesn't mean we have a worse life now." —@slenderella148

aging, Gen X, Boomers, Reddit, getting older, life advice, AskOldPeople, menopause, retirement, signs of aging An older couple relaxes at homeCanva

"The invisibility." —@TimeSurround5715

Aches and pains don’t go away in a day. Sometimes it takes a week." —@OscarTravolta

"Start appreciating the smallest things… like a quiet morning, or when a friend texts u a meme outta nowhere. those tiny moments hit diff now." —@quietswoon

"It’s so much harder to gain muscle once you age." —@GroundAndSound

"That eventually you will end up in that CVS aisle you always skipped because it didn’t pertain to you." —@IntentionAromatic523

"How fast time goes by. I was 21 yesterday. Now I'm 69. Time went by way to quickly." —@Dry-Cause2061

aging, Gen X, Boomers, Reddit, getting older, life advice, AskOldPeople, menopause, retirement, signs of agingGif from "The Office" via Giphy


"That I would feel this great. And content. And so much more in love with my SO, decade after decade. That there would be as much joy in walking fast laps as there was in running full court basketball. That for all the travail I've had a wonderful life. That it would become so easy to understand Robinson Jeffers:"

Still the mind smiles at its own rebellions,
Knowing all the while that civilization and the other evils
That make humanity ridiculous, remain
Beautiful in the whole fabric, excesses that balance each other
Like the paired wings of a flying bird."

—@Own-Animator-7526

"All the napping! I've never needed so many naps..." —@Familiar_Collar_78

"Menopause. I knew so little about it beyond hot flashes, but what absolutely NOBODY told me was: after 40+ years of mostly painful, heavy periods, it is a GLORIOUS feeling not to have a period anymore. 🙌 I especially love the freedom of being able to travel without having to calculate whether I’d need to pack extra products and underwear. (Thank God my agony came pretty much like clockwork every 28 days. 🙄)." —@Technical-Bit-4801

"Death, there are fewer & fewer people that know who you really are & where you came from. I've these parts of my life I shared with friends, & they're dead now. It's a strange feeling, when I'm gone it'll be like those moments never happened. The loss of shared experiences, I guess. It's nothing terribly important, or even very impactful, it's just slightly sad." —@Inside_Ad_7162

aging, Gen X, Boomers, Reddit, getting older, life advice, AskOldPeople, menopause, retirement, signs of aging A woman sits alone in a fieldCanva

"How precious time will feel. Every moment matters to me now and I have no patience for squandering it. I consider myself very laid back but if there is anything that will trigger me, it's someone wasting my time. Feels like they're stealing my most precious resource." —@PicoRascar

"As a male. The crazy ear and nose hairs that grow." —@Mikethemechanic00

"Late sixties. ....something about aging no one warned about? sounds like it's gotta be something bad. I wasn't warned about how independent, footloose and fancy free I'd feel once all work and family commitments and obligations were fulfilled. And I can be cantankerous whenever I wanna be. Most folks get warned about long term health consequences but it is difficult to overcome the insidious long-term ill-health consequences of commercial, corporate, processed, fast food pressures and convenience. way too much is spent on consequences of poor health and not enough on prevention and education --- imho." —@Buzzhoops

aging, Gen X, Boomers, Reddit, getting older, life advice, AskOldPeople, menopause, retirement, signs of aging An elderly man jogging happilyCanva

"The sensitivity. I have always been a very sensitive person who feels things deeply. But I'm also GenX so calloused, but lord a mercy if middle-age hasn't turned me into a crybaby. I swear I never used to cry so much." —@earthgarden

"That regularly putting money into savings or a retirement account is as important as brushing your teeth every day." —@InternalAcrobatic216

"When you hear a song or band from your youth that you absolutely hated because they were so cheesy and god-awful bad, but now when you hear it.. it brings back smiles and memories…. that’s the cleansing power of Nostalgia!" —@Hillman314

This article originally appeared earlier this year. It has been updated.