Woman leaves bachelorette trip after trusting her gut about sketchy men partying it up with friends

Woman’s intuition is right again.

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Some girls out at a bachelorette party.Photo credit: Canva

In a since-deleted story posted on Reddit last year, one woman showed how sometimes trusting your gut can be the best thing you can do, even if following it will seriously impact your friendships. It all started when a 24-year-old woman with the username @Yslbabycat went to a bachelorette party with five other friends in Italy.

For brevity’s sake, we’ll call our main character “YBC.” One night, the six girls went bar and club hopping and met some new friends. “We met some young people, and they invited us to a party. We went and danced and met more people. The night kept going on longer, and we were very far from our lodgings. These young men with 2 women in their group told us to stay with them for the night,” she wrote.

That’s when she had the first strong gut feeling.

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Men and women dancing at the club. Photo credit: Canva

“I wasn’t feeling this situation. It felt unsafe, but the group voted and I was in the minority,” she continued. ”I didn’t trust these men. Something seemed wrong. But I was at a loss as I could not split from my group and didn’t feel safe separating from them in the middle of the night.”

Even though the girls locked their doors that night, the men could enter their rooms. Despite this the girls, besides YBC, all wanted to stay another day because the men promised to show them around Italy.

Women hanging out by the pool during a bachelorette trip. Photo credit: Canva

“I didn’t want to get into a car with them because I found them creepy. There were women in their group but it didn’t matter. They seemed even more suspicious to me, being overly friendly,” she continued. “The whole morning, I found the men staring at me a lot and also making some comments about my ethnicity—I am Korean and they could tell and it seemed that they were interested in me because of my ethnicity, asking me strange questions …including if I’m a virgin or not.. so in my head I could only think of perverted reasons for these questions because I thought these guys were sketchy and sizing us all up for some reason I couldn’t figure out yet.”

YBC’s friends tried to tell her that it was just cultural differences and that the men weren’t being creepy, but she decided that she wanted to leave. So, she called her boyfriend, who was a few hours’ drive away in France, to come get her. She met him at a local store where YBC called the bride-to-be and informed her she was leaving. The bride-to-be screamed at her on the phone, chastised her for spoiling the “mood of the trip,” and told YBC to, essentially, “F*** off.”

women's safety, trusting your gut, bachelorette party, intuition, travel safety
Woman fussing on phone. Phot ocredit: Canva

After YBC left, the other five girls went on a boat with the men who all tried to get them “extremely” intoxicated. They then began to aggressively pressure the girls into having sex. At the night’s end, the girls got away from the men and found another hotel. Even though YBC’s suspicions were confirmed, the bride-to-be was still upset with her and YBC did not attend her friend’s wedding.

In the end, Reddit commenters overwhelmingly thought that YBC did the right thing by trusting her gut:

“So all the other girls but the bachelorette confirmed that you were right and the guys were super creepy and yet the bachelorette is still pissed at you for getting yourself out of there?” user @YouSayWotNow wrote. “All of them are very lucky nothing really bad happened, and frankly, they should be embarrassed they didn’t take you seriously at the time.”

“You may have saved the entire group by leaving early, as the men realized that you knew where they lived and could ID them,” user @RobinC1967 added. “Please don’t ever feel bad for getting yourself out of a sketchy situation. Stay Smart!”

Most would agree that YBC did the right thing by trusting her gut and trying to lead her friends out of a potentially dangerous situation. Science supports her actions, too. According to a 2015 Psychology Today article entitled, “3 Reasons Why You Have to Trust Your Gut,” philosopher and writer Susanna Newsonen says that your intuition is encoded in your brain like “a web of fact and feeling” and is helpful because it’s “shaped by your past experiences and the existing knowledge that you gained from them.”

Following your intuition can be hard, especially when there’s no concrete “evidence” for why you feel the way you do. In a 2024 article for VeryWellMind, writer and instructor LaKeisha Fleming helps identify the times when your gut is trying to tell you something and the top times you really need to listen. First, Fleming walks the reader through the signs of intuition—the physical and emotional cues that your body has something important to say:

  • Tension in the body or a thought that won’t go away
  • Heaviness like a “pit” in your stomach
  • A strong feeling that you should or shouldn’t do something (go somewhere, talk to someone, avoid some place, etc.)
  • The hairs on the back of your neck stand upright before something frightening happens
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An illustration portraying the brain listening. Photo credit: Canva

Of course, Fleming notes, anxiety, trauma, and regular old overthinking can skew our intuition, so how do you know when to trust it? She notes the top four times you shouldn’t ignore your gut:

1. When it comes to your and others’ safety:

Does something seem off? Err on the side of caution and just listen to yourself. It could save you from danger like in YBC’s case.

2. When you body is sending signals about your health:

If your body is experiencing persistent symptoms like headaches and migraines, sudden weight change, nagging pains, unusual sensations, or digestive issues, they could be signs something is wrong internally or externally. Do you get a stomachache around a certain person? Does being in someone’s company make you feel nervous? Do you feel mostly fine except for this nagging pain that won’t go away? Pay attention to these cues.

3. When something feels “off” in a relationship:

Sure, it could be nothing, but it doesn’t hurt to check in if your romantic partner or friend is acting strangely, making you feel uneasy, or arousing suspicion. Gauge the severity of your feelings and plan how to respectfully connect, confront, or question the other person to understand what’s really going on.

4. When you doubt yourself:

A lot of times, self-doubt is the ever-pesky imposter syndrome rearing its head. Sometimes you may be picking up on legitimate shortcomings within yourself that you need more time to identify and improve (signed up for a marathon but haven’t trained or practiced much at all? Yeah, maybe listen to your body and sit the race out this time), but most other times, self-doubt is insecurity, which can be overcome. If you know you’re trained, educated, and skilled in a certain area, there’s a good chance you know what you’re doing and will do it well.

In short, your gut will seldom steer you wrong. If you’ve got a bad feeling like YBC did, trust yourself and act accordingly. It could save your life.

This article originally appeared two years. It has been updated.

  • Expert shares the one small habit that makes you instantly likable
    A woman with a big smile.Photo credit: Canva

    Why is it that certain people are incredibly likable? One of the biggest reasons is that they know how to make others feel good about themselves. This may seem selfish, but in a world where so many seem to think only of themselves, it feels great to spend time with people who are genuinely interested in us.

    One of the best ways to tell someone is interested in us and enjoys our company is if they genuinely laugh and smile when we’re together. When we laugh and smile together, we’re a lot more likable than if we seem distant and indifferent. In fact, Vanessa Van Edwards, communications expert and author of Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People, says that when you are generous with your smiles and laughter, people will like you even more.

    How to be more likable

    “Be an easy laugher and an easy smiler,” she said in an Instagram video while looking unimpressed. “Don’t be too cool to laugh or smile. An easy laugher and easy smile means you’re always looking for an opportunity to smile. If someone shares good news, don’t say, ‘Oh yeah, that’s great news.’”

    “Make sure that you actually smile and actually laugh. Smiles are contagious,” Van Edwards continued. “Research has proven that when we see someone with an authentic smile, it makes us feel happier, too. So, try to look for opportunities to laugh or smile in conversation at someone else’s story, someone else’s joke, or just when something makes you feel good. They are contagious.”

    How to have a genuine smile

    Van Edwards notes that our smiles should read as genuine, or they’ll have the opposite effect.

    “Only real smiles are contagious,” she said. “In other words, if you look at a picture of someone with a fake smile, you feel nothing afterward.”

    The key to a genuine smile is that you can see it around the eyes. If you covered a smiling mouth with a 3” x 5” card and couldn’t tell someone was smiling from the eye area, it wouldn’t be seen as genuine.

    According to Van Edwards, back in our “caveman” days, if someone approached the village and flashed a smile from 300 feet away, we’d know whether they were friendly. So it was important for a smile to be large enough to be seen from a distance.

    “If you can’t see a real smile on the top half of the face, it’s not a real smile,” Van Edwards said.

    Laughter also makes people feel great because it’s believed we evolved this behavior to signal that a person or situation is safe. It releases endorphins, which reduce stress and help people feel connected. No wonder people feel great when they laugh together.

    A big smile and a hearty laugh are obvious signifiers that someone is engaged in an interaction. However, some people may feel uncomfortable expressing themselves through over-the-top smiles or laughter for cultural reasons. There are still many ways to express warmth and interest through body language, such as leaning forward in a conversation, using a “triple nod” to encourage the speaker, or mirroring their posture and tone.

    Ultimately, it’s common for people to think that if they want others to like them, they have to be impressive. However, the truth is that people just want to know you’re interested in them. So before you head to your next party, instead of thinking about the amazing stories you’re going to tell to the new people you’ll meet, just remember to give a big smile and hearty guffaw at their jokes. That will make you more likable than the greatest anecdote you could ever tell. 

  • Mental health experts share 6 ways to transform anger into compassionate action
    Your anger can be used to improve your life.Photo credit: Canva

    Everyone has felt anger, but not everyone knows what to do with it. For some, anger is an emotion they feel needs to be suppressed due to embarrassing or damaging outbursts. There’s also pressure to keep cool in social situations, even when something isn’t right. Anger, however, isn’t something to be ashamed of. In fact, it can be a form of compassion.

    When reframed and used effectively, anger can be a source of self-love and protection. It can also help address what’s wrong in a constructive way. Mental health professionals who spoke to Upworthy shared how reframing anger and channeling it properly can be beneficial.

    1. Acknowledge the anger

    “Anger is like the quarter you insert in a toll booth,” said licensed clinical social worker and therapist Roselyn Pérez Casiano. “Resistance to insert it will keep you stuck, but choosing to accept it and let it go will open the gate towards self-compassion.”

    “It is a natural human emotion, and I see it as a signal that tells us that the boundary has been crossed or the need is not being met,” said Dr. Lori Bohn of Voyager Recovery Center. “If we can recognize it early on, we can use it instead of being consumed by it. We need people to be able to slow down when they are feeling anger arise and look at what is being threatened or not being met.”

    “When people feel anger, it is not that there is something ‘wrong’ with them,” said clinical psychologist Dr. Erika Bach. “It is worth paying attention and getting curious about, because it can tell us a lot about what we are feeling in a situation and can propel us forward to speak honestly or to set boundaries.”

    “It’s important to allow anger to show up rather than repressing it,” said therapist Natalia Michaelson. “Collaborating with your anger, rather than fighting against it, can be a positive way to support yourself.”

    2. Isolate the “why”

    There’s a reason you feel angry. Knowing what’s behind it can help you address it.

    “[Anger] is an indicator that the unmet needs, the injustices, or the underlying sadness are important to look at,” said Bohn. “Instead of trying to eliminate the anger, we can look at what the underlying needs are and express them in a way that is strong but also respectful.”

    “Ultimately, anger is a primal emotion, and just like all emotions, they can be used as information,” said therapist Atalie Abramovici. “Anger may be one of the more uncomfortable emotions to experience, but it has a plethora of potential to connect to yourself more honestly, and with the world more ambitiously.”

    3. Reframe anger as protection, self-compassion, and self-love

    “I frequently tell my clients that anger is an expression of self-love,” said licensed counselor Karissa Mueller. “It’s often coming from a part of them that’s trying to get them to notice when a boundary has been crossed, or they’re not being loved or cared for in the way that they need. Parts that get our attention through anger tend to function really well as highlighters, directing our attention towards something that matters.”

    “Some tips for working with anger include sitting with it compassionately, like you might with another person who is struggling, and understanding how it protects you,” said Michaelson.

    “We feel anger when things feel unfair, when it feels as though a boundary has been crossed, or we want to speak up,” said Bach. “Anger can give us the fire and motivation to finally share how we’re feeling when we might otherwise have difficulty doing so.”

    This reframing allows anger to be seen not as a weapon or something to be shamefully suppressed, but as a signal from your core self that something is wrong and needs to be addressed to protect you.

    4. Take the “why” and put it into useful action

    “Let’s say you just got broken up with and you’re feeling anger on a deep level,” said Abramovici. “Instead of focusing that anger towards your ex and obsessing over them, you can channel the energy that comes with that anger towards being competitive with yourself, leveling up in your personal and professional life, doing things that once brought you joy, and challenging yourself to accomplish goals that you may not have had that spark of motivation to push yourself towards.”

    Mueller recommends asking your anger questions like, “What are you hoping will happen by making me feel angry about this?” and “What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t make me feel angry about this?” The answers can help you identify positive, healthy actions to address the root of the anger.

    Casiano offers additional questions to ask yourself once you understand why you’re angry:

    “Ask yourself: What am I perceiving as beyond my control? What is truly important to me here? What is truly under my control? What can I do? Directing your attention to what matters makes self-compassion and constructive action more accessible.”

    That pent-up energy from anger can be useful fuel for solutions or achievements when it’s been reframed and examined to understand why it emerged in the first place.

    5. Let go of anger when it’s no longer useful or becomes harmful

    Sometimes anger can’t be used to resolve what caused it in the first place. In those cases, it’s best to release it in a healthy way. Exercising, screaming into a pillow, or expressing your anger through art can help ease tension.

    “Some of the grounding techniques that are recommended so that the person doesn’t get lost in the overwhelming feeling of the anger are deep breathing techniques, relaxation techniques, or identifying the physical sensation in the body,” said Bohn.

    6. If it becomes overwhelming, seek professional guidance

    Managing and reframing your anger isn’t something you have to do alone. Seeking support from a mental health professional can help you find the tools and strategies needed to manage it effectively.

    “To deepen this work and learn how to work compassionately with your anger, finding an IFS therapist can be helpful,” said Michaelson. “IFS is a non-stigmatizing model that helps people learn how to extend self-compassion to their parts, including the parts people often struggle being compassionate towards, like anger.”

  • A psychologist’s productivity quiz gives people insights into how they work best
    Are you a Firestarter? Marathoner? Take the quiz to find out. Photo credit: Canva

    Have you ever ended a long workday feeling drained, unproductive, and wondering where the heck all your energy went? Many of us blame ourselves for not having enough willpower or discipline. We invest in new planners, download habit-tracking apps, or create rigid to-do lists to push through the exhaustion. But what if the problem isn’t your effort? 

    Dr. Mark Travers, a psychologist, suggests a kinder, more effective solution. He argues that your daily output isn’t about sheer willpower—it’s about being in tune with your biology. By aligning your schedule with your body’s natural rhythm, you can enjoy greater ease and joy in your tasks, transforming the way you approach work.

    The science of work rhythms

    Did you know? Our bodies operate on specific internal clocks that influence everything from focus to energy levels. You may already be familiar with the circadian rhythm, the all-mighty cycle that governs your sleep and wake patterns. However, this doesn’t just occur at night: during the day, your brain also runs on shorter ultradian cycles of about 90 minutes. These cycles consist of distinct energy phases: rising, peaking, and then declining. When you push past your natural peak without taking a break, you drain your mental resources, leaving you fatigued and less effective.

    Additionally, researchers have identified another phenomenon, the Synchrony Effect. This concept clearly shows that timing is crucial for productivity. It’s powerful to schedule complex, high-focus tasks during your biological peak, so that you can perform them more efficiently and with greater clarity. On the other hand, trying to do difficult work during a natural energy dip can feel like an uphill climb. The key is insight: knowing when your brain is at its best can completely change how you approach your most important tasks.

    The three dimensions of productivity

    Travers highlights three important elements that influence how we approach our work. These aspects offer valuable insight into how we think and help explain why different people flourish under different conditions.

    Intensity

    Intensity measures your energetic output. Some people excel in short, powerful bursts of work, tackling tasks with explosive focus and tons of energy before needing a break to recharge. Others perform better with a steady, measured pace that allows them to sustain their momentum over longer periods. For example, a writer might sprint through the first draft of an article in a focused hour, while another might prefer to slowly build their piece over several hours. Both are valid forms of output.

    Focus

    This dimension explores how you manage your attention. Some individuals work best when they dedicate long, uninterrupted blocks of time to a single, complex project. For them, deep focus is key to achieving flow and completing their best work. On the other hand, some people thrive by juggling multiple tasks and rotating between activities. By shifting their focus, they feel energized and use that energy to maintain momentum throughout the day.

    Structure

    Finally, structure examines how much predictability you need in your routine. Those who value routine often crave fixed schedules with clear start times, consistent deadlines, and detailed calendars. Structure helps them feel grounded and in control. Others prefer flexibility and thrive when they have the freedom to make spontaneous decisions throughout their day. They might find rigid schedules stifling and gain energy from looser outlines that allow for creativity and adaptability.

    Discovering your archetype

    To uncover your own unique combination of intensity, focus, and structure, take the Work Rhythm Personality Test. Developed by Travers, this quick assessment reveals your individual cognitive approach and matches you with one of eight productivity archetypes. As an added benefit, Travers also lists your second-best match and your ideological opposite. It should take only about two minutes to complete, but its impact on your productivity can be tremendous.

    sprinter, personality, types, work, rhythm
    Sprinters need a solid structure to perform well. Photo credit: Canva

    The Sprinter

    For example, you might discover you’re a Sprinter, someone who thrives under pressure and works best with tight deadlines. Travers writes, “The Sprinter is defined by a trifecta of psychological traits that cognitive science has linked to peak episodic performance: high activation energy, single-point attentional control, and sensitivity to external scaffolding… You are built for the race.”

    The place where Sprinters most often struggle is the formless afternoon: no deadline on the horizon, no clear finish line, an inbox full of vague tasks, and a calendar that just says “project work.” For most people, that’s a reasonable Tuesday. For you, it’s a productivity black hole. The solution isn’t more willpower—it’s better structure. With this work rhythm, plan for two or three intense work sprints during the day, with genuine breaks in between, rather than trying to sustain peak productivity all day.

    marathoner, personality, types, work, rhythm
    Marathoners love to work on a single thing at a time. Photo credit: Canva

    The Marathoner

    You might not be the loudest person in the room. But when it actually matters—when the project is long, the stakes are high, and everyone else has burned out or moved on—you’re still there, still producing, still reliable. That’s the Marathoner. It is, in many ways, the most underrated archetype of all.

    Your vulnerability is sudden change and rapid context-switching. Since you work best with long periods of deep concentration, try blocking out a single, extended protected time slot in the morning, followed by a shorter one in the afternoon (or vice versa).

    architect, personality, types, work, rhythm
    The Architect is independent and self-sufficient. Photo credit: Canva

    The Architect

    Some people need check-ins, progress meetings, and a manager asking, “Where are we on this?” to stay on track. You are genuinely not one of those people. If you’re an Architect, you come with your own engine. You sustain effort over long periods, focus on one problem at a time with remarkable depth, and don’t need external pressure to light the fire—the work itself does that.

    Here’s the paradox, though: the same independence that makes you exceptional in the right environment can render you almost invisible in the wrong one. Recognizing this difference could be one of the most professionally eye-opening things you’ve ever done. Travers suggests keeping the same work sequence on most days, with recurring priority blocks, breaks, and a consistent shutdown ritual.

    conductor, personality, types, work, rhythm
    Are you good at juggling tasks? You might be a Conductor. Photo credit: Canva

    The Conductor

    If your brain naturally juggles five things at once and somehow keeps them all moving forward, there’s a name for that: you’re a Conductor. While other people need long stretches of uninterrupted quiet to do their best work, you actually thrive in the middle of the action. You work at a steady pace, skillfully juggling multiple tasks without dropping any, and you really shine when a deadline is approaching and your team is counting on you. While some might find complexity draining, you see it as an opportunity to bring clarity and deepen understanding.

    Here’s the thing about being a Conductor, though: organizations notice. And once they do, they tend to give you more. Your days should be built around managing complexity without being consumed with it. Remember to be aware of your limits, understand your capacity, and set boundaries to protect your well-being.

    deep, diver, personality, types, work, rhythm
    Perhaps you’re a Deep Diver, in which case the modern workplace isn’t meant for you. Photo credit: Canva

    The Deep Diver

    There’s also the Deep Diver, whose engine runs from the inside. You bring intense, focused energy to your work. You love to tackle one challenge at a time, and once you’re engaged, you don’t need anyone to hold you there. Here’s the catch: the modern workplace was not designed with you in mind. Open-plan offices, Slack pings every six minutes, back-to-back meetings that chop your day into unusable fragments. All of it is neurologically harmful to how your brain functions best. Instead, protect your uninterrupted time by setting aside blocks in your schedule so your brain can focus on what it does best.

    flow, weaver, personality, types, work, rhythm
    Flow Weavers work at their own pace. Photo credit: Canva

    The Flow Weaver

    If the standard productivity playbook—sprint goals, KPI dashboards, weekly status updates, time-blocked calendars—has never quite fit, congrats: you’re a Flow Weaver. “The Flow Weaver is the archetype that defies the conventional productivity imagination most completely,” writes Travers.

    You work at your own pace. You move between projects and ideas not according to urgency or someone else’s schedule, but according to something harder to explain: a felt sense of when you’re ready, when an idea has ripened, and when the momentum is there. Resist the urge to overschedule your day or pack it with rigid blocks. The goal for you isn’t a timetable—it’s honoring your internal signal.

    igniter, personality, types, work, rhythm
    The Igniter is ready to get things started. Photo credit: Canva

    The Igniter

    You are the person everyone wants in the room when something new is about to start. Igniters bring a unique type of energy that’s truly rare: high-intensity, multi-layered, and at its most electrifying when there’s a deadline, a collaborator, or a charged social environment surrounding the work. You don’t just begin things—you’re motivated by starting things.

    Harness the charge before it scatters. Start your day and hit the ground running. Channel that immediately into your highest-stakes task before anything else can dilute it.

    firestarter, personality, types, work, rhythm
    None of the above? You’re likely a Firestarter. Photo credit: Canva

    The Firestarter

    The Firestarter combines three things that don’t always appear together: high activation energy, the ability to think across multiple domains at once, and a fierce, uncompromising autonomy. You move fast. You connect dots others haven’t noticed yet.

    When your environment demands sequential compliance—forms filled out in order, mandatory syncs attended on time, processes followed precisely because “that’s how we do things here”—you experience a kind of chronic friction that’s easy to misread as poor work ethic. It isn’t. It’s a mismatch between how your brain is wired and how the institution is structured. As you plan your day, remember that the goal isn’t to fill every hour—it’s to direct your considerable energy toward the right targets before it disperses.

    Achieving better results with less friction

    Understanding your archetype gives you a personalized roadmap for structuring your day in a way that feels natural and effective. When you work with your biological rhythms rather than against them, you reduce friction and create a workday that feels fulfilling rather than draining. Higher job satisfaction, increased productivity, and greater life balance are all achievable when you align your schedule with your brain’s natural rhythms. It’s not about doing more—it’s about working smarter with intention and ease.

  • Happiness expert shares 3-step formula to build deeper connections
    Two women have a pleasant conversation. Photo credit: Canva
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    Happiness expert shares 3-step formula to build deeper connections

    “If you only share, it’s a monologue. If you only listen, it’s an interview.”

    The key to finding happiness has been widely researched. The data on happiness suggest that it comes down to our connections with others.

    Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside, explained that her research has identified one key factor in happiness—and it comes down to conversation and deeper connection with others.

    During a TEDNext 2025 presentation, Lyubomirsky explained that she has been a happiness researcher for more than 30 years. In her lab, she has conducted experiments on “happiness interventions” since 1998.

    These “interventions” include exercises such as writing letters of gratitude, performing acts of kindness, and “acting” extroverted—all of which led people to feel happier. Her research suggests these activities increase happiness because “they help us feel more connected to and loved by others.”

    How to connect with others

    Lyubomirsky’s next challenge was to determine how humans can connect most with one another. From touch to dance to eye contact, she noted that these are all valid ways people connect.

    But in Western culture, connection often happens through conversation. Still, simply talking with others doesn’t always lead to connection because of the “walls around us.”

    “We build those walls to protect ourselves, yet they also keep us from ever letting anyone in,” said Lyubomirsky. “They keep us from becoming truly known.”

    To feel more loved, you have to be more known—which means taking down those walls when talking with others.

    The 3-step conversation formula

    Connecting more deeply with others starts with approaching conversations differently, according to Lyubomirsky. She offers a three-step formula to follow:

    Step 1: Share from the heart

    “You take down your walls by sharing something real about yourself, not just your highlight reel,” said Lyubomirsky.

    The goal is to share deeply and be brave enough to let others see the real you. To do so, she encourages people to pace themselves and start small.

    “Don’t immediately share your deepest secret or trauma,” she explained. “If you go deep too fast, everyone’s walls will come right back up again.”

    Instead, say something honest—something like, “I’ve had a rough day,” instead of “I’m fine,” she said.

    Step 2: Help others lower their walls

    This is achieved by listening to learn, not to respond.

    “Quiet your voice so theirs can be heard,” explained Lyubomirsky.

    To do this, she encourages people to listen as if there’s going to be a quiz tomorrow on what the other person shares.

    Step 3: Ask one more question than you usually do

    This final step helps build deeper connection. For example, she suggests asking the person you’re speaking with, “How did that really feel?” Such questions signal that you’re right there with them, Lyubomirsky said.

    She added, “When was the last time someone asked you a real question about your life? It’s rare. Yet research shows people yearned to be asked, and those who ask questions are better liked.”

    Her final note is to keep in mind that sharing and listening go hand in hand. “If you only share, it’s a monologue. If you only listen, it’s an interview,” Lyubomirsky said. “But when you do both, that’s when the magic happens.”

  • Philosophy expert reveals the character trait that shows someone is highly intelligent 
    A man playing chess and philosopher Bertrand Russell. Photo credit: Canva & Rijksmuseum/Wikimedia Commons

    Julian de Medeiros, a philosophy expert who’s popular on TikTok and Substack, has built a reputation for sharing some of the world’s most important philosophical ideas about life, love, ethics, and intelligence. Recently, he shared wisdom from Bertrand Russell on the character trait that highly intelligent people tend to have: they see the world as it really is, not as they want it to be.

    Russell, a British philosopher and founding figure of the analytic movement in philosophy, won the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1950. His work in logic, epistemology, and mathematics made him one of the most important minds of the 20th century. As they say, it takes one to know one, and if Russell says someone is intelligent, chances are he’s right.

    What’s a sign someone is highly intelligent?

    “Here’s how you know that someone is intelligent, and this goes back to the philosopher Bertrand Russell, who wrote, ‘You see the world as it is, not as you would like it to be, is the beginning of all wisdom,’” de Medeiros shared on TikTok.

    To put it simply, an intelligent person wants to get things right, while an unintelligent person wants to be right. Smart people look at the facts and form their opinions based on reality. Those who aren’t as bright tend to be more dogmatic, trying to see the world in ways that align with their beliefs.

    Bertrand Russell, philsophy, great minds, pipe, Nobel Prize winner
    Bertrand Russell. Photo credit: Rijksmuseum/Wikimedia Commons

    “What [Russell] meant is that an intelligent person tries to be a realist,” de Medeiros continued. “Like, they try to measure, examine, and test their own belief systems against reality. But an unintelligent person tends to be dogmatic. Like they don’t change their mind when confronted with the facts. In fact, you could show them the evidence, and they would simply double down.”

    What is the “backfire effect”?

    What de Medeiros is referring to is what’s known as the “backfire effect.” It’s a psychological phenomenon in which, when people are presented with credible facts that challenge their beliefs, they may hold on to those beliefs even more strongly than before.

    “Once something is added to your collection of beliefs, you protect it from harm,” author David McRaney wrote in You Are Not So Smart. “You do this instinctively and unconsciously when confronted with attitude-inconsistent information. Just as confirmation bias shields you when you actively seek information, the backfire effect defends you when the information seeks you, when it blindsides you.”

    politicians, debate, argument, speech, fight
    Politicians debating. Photo credit: Canva

    It can sting to change your mind, because it can feel like you’ve invalidated a big part of your sense of self. However, it becomes much easier if you begin to change how you see yourself. Instead of identifying with a specific worldview, you can think of yourself as someone who embraces the truth, no matter how difficult that may be.

    “Bertrand Russell believed that true intelligence was when you were open to the possibility that you might be wrong,” de Medeiros said. “When you sought to test your own belief systems and when you had a rational and inquisitive mindset, that is true intelligence. When the facts change, you change.”

  • Expert reveals why chatting about the weather exposes more about people than you think
    Two women chatting at a bus stop. Photo credit: Canva
    ,

    Expert reveals why chatting about the weather exposes more about people than you think

    It may seem like a boring topic on the surface, but there’s a lot more to it.

    “Conversation about the weather is the last refuge of the unimaginative” is a quote often attributed to author and raconteur Oscar Wilde. Whether he said it or not, he’d probably wince at the idea of yammering on about the English rain or whether the autumn almanac was correct. However, he may have been missing the point of why we make small talk about the weather.

    Dr. Thomas Smithyman, a clinical psychologist who helps people beef up their social skills, says we should view small talk about mundane topics, such as the weather, as a platform to show off our social competence and deepen relationships.

    “Talking about the weather is this cliché, right?” he says in a YouTube video. “It’s everyone’s most dreaded, boring topic, but it works because it’s a commonality. We all have it in common. We’re all experiencing it.”

    What does it really mean when you make small talk?

    According to Smithyman, conversing about the weather isn’t about having keen insights into meteorology or comparing how much you’ve sweated; it’s to show that you are socially competent. 

    “Small talk can also signal to people that you understand how social interactions work,” he says. “If you can handle small talk, people trust you and can probably get into a bit of a deeper conversation without things getting terribly awkward. It’s just a little communication that says, ‘I know how to do this. I’m safe.’”

    women chatting, yawn, tired, bored, woman in blue
    A bored woman. Photo credit: Canva

    People usually think that being good at small talk means being entertaining, witty, or full of great stories. In reality, though, the key is to be a good listener and ask great questions. People tend to like those who appear to be interested in them. In fact, a Harvard University study found that when you ask a question and then two follow-ups, people like you more than if you quickly turn the conversation back to yourself.

    Being good at small talk is about listening

    “If you want to master small talk, it is luckily not about being the funniest or the most entertaining person,” Smithyman says. “If you look at good conversationalists, they don’t dominate, right? They actually are really good at making it easy for the other person to engage, because that’s what really helps a conversation flow.”

    man and woman, chatting, beer, small talk, conversation, laughter
    A man and a woman are chatting. Photo credit: Canva

    Think of it as a little test. The other person is thinking, “If this person can’t talk about the fact that it was slightly cloudy today, they’re not going to be able to help me with my existential crisis.” Or, “If they come off as awkward, or even sketchy, I’m not going to interact with them any further.”

    The good news is that if you’re able to move beyond the usual introductory topics—such as the weather, sports, or traffic on the way to the party—and into more personal territory, you’ve likely been deemed a capable conversation partner and, possibly, even a friend.

  • Communication expert shares 3-2-1 trick to stop rambling when put on the spot
    Women talking outside.Photo credit: August de Richelieu/Pexels

    Being a clear communicator is a powerful social skill. Not only does it build relationships, but it also creates authentic connections.

    But in high-pressure situations, confident speaking can start to crumble—we’ve all been there. For example, when talking to your boss or even on a first date.

    It’s easy to start rambling and jumbling your words. To prevent this, communication expert Vinh Giang shares a clever 3-2-1 speaking trick that can help anyone slow down and communicate clearly and concisely when it matters most.

    What is the 3-2-1 speaking trick?

    According to Giang, it starts with training your brain for moments when you feel put on the spot.

    “When someone asks you a question and you’re not prepared, what happens? Your brain hits the panic button,” he says in a YouTube video.

    As you struggle to verbalize your thoughts, you may start to ramble—which, Giang notes, can lead to frustration and embarrassment. To avoid feeling flustered, he offers a 3-2-1 framework to keep in mind when speaking off the cuff.

    “Without a communication framework to fall back on, your mind goes blank,” he explains.

    https://www.tiktok.com/@askvinh/video/7617451948157046023

    The 3-2-1 framework consists of 3 steps, 2 types, and 1 thing. Using the example of avocados, he explains how it works:

    1 thing

    “The one thing about avocados that I love is that it’s great on a keto diet,” says Giang.

    2 types

    He switches to “ways” instead of “types,” explaining that there are “two ways to eat avocados: you can smash it up or eat it like a fruit [apple].”

    3 steps

    Finally, he explains that there are three steps to preparing avocados: “First step, cut it in half. Step two, mash it up. Step three, salt, pepper, and lemon.”

    How to use the 3-2-1 speaking trick

    Giang shares another example of how to use the 3-2-1 speaking trick, this time using the topic of travel. In a clip from a conference, he invites an audience member to offer three responses for each part. Her answers show how the method works in a real-life scenario:

    1 thing

    “The one thing about travel is it’s magnificent,” the audience member says. “You can go anywhere you want.”

    2 types

    “The two types of travel are: you can travel regionally and you can travel internationally via a plane,” she says.

    3 steps

    “Three steps to travel is plan it, book it, go!” she shares.

    Giang congratulates her, noting, “That’s the difference between being prepared with a framework, because now you’re excited to communicate. When you’re not prepared, you’re not excited—you’re scared. You don’t want to communicate.”

    @askvinh

    The simple solution to stop rambling… If you want to learn what to say when you’re pausing and thinking, you need to learn how to use communication frameworks.

    ♬ original sound – Vinh Giang – Vinh Giang

    Viewers react

    In the comments, people shared their responses to Giang’s video:

    “I’m officially smarter than I was five minutes ago.”

    “For an overthinker, this is gold. Thank you tons.”

    “I’m 40 and honestly, this hits home. I’ve been in situations at work where I froze or rambled because my brain went blank under pressure. The 3-2-1 framework feels so practical and simple to apply—I actually tried it while watching and it gave me structure instantly. Definitely something I’ll practice more in meetings and daily conversations. Thanks for sharing this tool, Vin!”

    “Immediately used this in a daily mundane small talk conversation that I’m having with someone, and I realized it’s not that I don’t like small talk because I’m not interested with someone… It’s because I don’t know how to do it. Managed to turn small talk into a chain of small conversations that led to more concrete discussions. Thanks a lot for this tip!”

    “Yeah. This is a big problem that I have. For years I’ve struggled to communicate properly because my brain goes a thousand miles a minute and my mouth tries to keep up.”

  • Psychologist uncovers the unexpected reason we procrastinate and the trick to stopping it
    A woman sits at her desk, looking overwhelmed.Photo credit: Canva
    ,

    Psychologist uncovers the unexpected reason we procrastinate and the trick to stopping it

    “Procrastination is rarely about laziness or poor time management.”

    Procrastination is more common than some might think. In fact, according to an article by Forbes senior contributor Bryan Robinson, more than 78 percent of working people procrastinate even though “it makes them anxious.” Some think it’s due to laziness, while others believe the anxiety itself creates a loop: they’re too anxious to get a task done, but not getting it done makes them even more anxious.

    However, one theory behind why people procrastinate turns the whole “laziness” argument on its head.

    Dr. Rick Hanson, a psychologist, shares a fascinating idea. In a comment attached to a clip posted on Instagram, he offers an entirely different view: “Procrastination is rarely about laziness or poor time management. It is more often something much more subtle. If I finish this, then what? If the pile disappears, who am I without it?”

    He explains how having something that still needs to be tackled can feel like “proof” that we matter.

    “Unfinished tasks can start to feel like proof that we’re busy, needed, in motion. They create a kind of background hum of identity. As long as something is pending, we’re still becoming. Still almost there.”

    The fear of not existing

    In the video, Hanson says people procrastinate “even when there are no obstructions to completing something, because sometimes they’re kind of afraid, almost at a deep level, that if they complete things, they’ll disappear. There will be almost no more basis for being. It’s the incomplete cycles in their life—the unfinished tasks, the various piles here or there—that almost give them a sense of psychological substance and existence.”

    Hanson has ways to address this, and the first is to truly examine your motivations (or seemingly lack thereof).

    “Look closely and ask yourself, ‘Is this really true? Do I go on existing because I have a number of undone tasks that I’m going to get to tomorrow or eventually? Is that why I keep on existing?’ Well, no. And notice the ways you can go on being. Or you have others you know who complete a lot of things, and they continue to exist just fine and really, quite happily.”

    He says we must rewrite our inner monologue.

    “Gradually realize for yourself, ‘Oh, I can complete these various tasks. And they then disappear from my life, understandably. I took care of it. And I’m still here, having a good time. And getting ready to accomplish the next important thing.’”

    The need to be busy

    Upworthy spoke with Cort M. Dorn-Medeiros, a professional counselor and addiction specialist, who first noted that there are many real reasons people might procrastinate.

    “Fear of failure, doubts about self-worth, perfectionist tendencies, emotional avoidance, and potential diagnoses such as attention-deficit-hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) or generalized anxiety disorder (GAD).”

    That said, he does give credence to Hanson’s idea as well.

    “We have strong cultural messaging that if we are not doing something, if we are not being productive, then we are not useful. All of our human value lies in the ‘doing’ rather than the ‘being.’ A lot of this is derived from Internet-based hustle culture, where speed is prioritized above all else. Do more, make more money, and do it faster and faster.

    If we are left with nothing to do, then we are left sitting with our own thoughts and feelings. Procrastination is a good way to unconsciously avoid sitting with our feelings. If we are constantly focused on our to-do list and maintain it in a way that prevents progress by crossing things off, we manage our anxiety about ‘being’ rather than ‘doing.’”

    Matthew Baker, LCSW, tells Upworthy it’s all about avoidance.

    “Procrastination is almost always about avoiding something uncomfortable. For some people, finishing a project is what becomes the problem, not starting it. This is often because the brain gets rewarded from simply planning and organizing, even without actually doing anything. So some people avoid completing tasks because they’re already getting a sense of satisfaction from planning, and finishing means that this dopamine stream just…stops.”

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