Woman shares texts showing the difference between a healthy and a controlling relationship
Is it a healthy or controlling relationship?

The texting experience between two different men.
Saving old text messages from exes can sometimes be an asset when you need to remember exactly why you left them. Alternately, sometimes digital relics from old relationships serve as a good reminder of how much good we have in our lives currently.
At least, they did for the X user May Larsen, who posted screenshots of two text threads with two very different men in 2018.
The conversation on the left shows how an old conversation went down with an emotionally manipulative ex. While the other screenshot is a prime example of what communication in a healthy partnership looks like.
\u201cDifference between a boy and a man.\u201d— Mayc (@Mayc) 1533704969
The emotional dynamics of this exchange are full of red flags.
The unhealthy "Don’t cheat" Text.
Pic cropped from Twitter post.
This ex (boyfriend, hookup, whatever he was) went from 0-100 in no time. In fact, the ONLY way this kind of freak out would be excusable would be if they had prior plans she ditched on. Alternately, if he was doing a performance art bit where he embodied Drake's "0-100 / The Catch Up" via text message. Outside of those possibilities, this type of reaction is nothing short of manipulation and emotional abuse.
The second text message showed how Larsen's current partner responds to a simple night out:
The healthy "Let me know when you’re home safe" Text.
Pic cropped from Twitter post.
The difference between these responses to a simple night out on the town is night and day. When comparing the two messages, the red flags really pop.
People on X had a LOT of thoughts about the texts.
You\u2019re reminding the one on the left not to cheat. He already has his guard up. The one on the right is just doing the minimum— X \u00c6 A-12 Musk (@X \u00c6 A-12 Musk) 1533905239
A lot of people assumed the texts were from two guys she's currently dating.
SO IS EVERYONE IGNORING SHAWTY TALKING TO TWO GUYS AT THE SAME TIME?????— Not Josh (@Not Josh) 1533864031
Nah dude check the first one she cropped the time and allat out of it. You was right at first— Dee (@Dee) 1533873487
That quickly got shut down.
Don\u2019t get pressed over a joke B.— Dee (@Dee) 1533877627
Meanwhile, others were caught up with the fact that her current dude wears a cowboy hat.
You can tell which one is the man by the cool hat.— Adam Dane (@Adam Dane) 1533867124
YEEHAWW— \u2764\ufe0f\ud83e\udd0d\ud83d\udc7c \u0142\u2c64\u0142\u0246\u20ae\u2c64\u0142\u2c60\u2c60\u0142\u0246 (@\u2764\ufe0f\ud83e\udd0d\ud83d\udc7c \u0142\u2c64\u0142\u0246\u20ae\u2c64\u0142\u2c60\u2c60\u0142\u0246) 1533883789
Regardless of whether the rest of us are pro cowboy hat (I'm pro if you can pull it off), it seems they've got a healthy situation going. Communication is key, in any kind of relationship.
Update: It looks like May and Cowboy Hat got married in 2020. We love a happy ending!
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There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."