Closed adoptions, meaning there is no contact between the biological parents and adoptive families, offer privacy, protection and emotional closure. However—and understandably—it can still be incredibly difficult for biological mothers to instantly and drastically remove their biological child from their life.
This was the case for Alicia Mae Holloway’s biological mom. In a video shared to her TikTok account, the dancer and television personality shared that her adoptive mother, Evelyn, “saw how hard it was” for her birth mom to give Holloway up for adoption. So Evelyn came up with a kind gesture that Holloway dubbed “the sweetest thing.”
“She was like, ‘okay, I’ll make you a deal. Every six months, I’ll send you a picture of Alicia and a little update in a written card of how she’s doing.’”
Getting those biannual letters out wasn’t as simple as dropping them off in the mail either.
As Hollway explained, she had been conceived during an affair her birth mother—a white woman, married to a white man, with three white children—had with a Black man. Not only could Holloway’s birth mom not afford a fourth kid, she feared what her “racist” family might do upon seeing a biracial baby, and told everyone that it was a stillborn. So all this to say, Holloway’s birth mom didn’t want the letters arriving at her home, potentially risking anyone from her family seeing it. Evelyn would therefore need to send the letters to a friend’s house.
But sure enough, Evelyn kept good on that promise. For 17 years, Holloways’ birth mom got to celebrate milestones in her daughter’s life. Meanwhile, Holloway had no idea this exchange was happening.
“I get chills when I think about how she was watching me grow up and I had no idea,” Holloway told Today. “She knew I was a dancer and that I was doing beauty pageants and that I was a good kid.”
Holloway added that just before her 18th birthday, she was made aware of her adoptive mom’s kind gesture. And they even went to meet Holloway’s birth mom, an event Holloway that noted was in many ways more emotional for her two moms than it was for her, recalling that both women “had a long, long, long embrace and were both bawling their eyes out.”
As for Holloway, she told Today that she feels no ill will towards her biological mom. Rather, she sees the decision as “an act of love,” that set her up for a truly “amazing life.” At the end of their meeting, after the important questions pertaining to family health history and whatnot, all she had to say was “thank you.”
In March 2023, after months of preparation and paperwork, Anita Omary arrived in the United States from her native Afghanistan to build a better life. Once she arrived in Connecticut, however, the experience was anything but easy.
“When I first arrived, everything felt so strange—the weather, the environment, the people,” Omary recalled. Omary had not only left behind her extended family and friends in Afghanistan, she left her career managing child protective cases and supporting refugee communities behind as well. Even more challenging, Anita was five months pregnant at the time, and because her husband was unable to obtain a travel visa, she found herself having to navigate a new language, a different culture, and an unfamiliar country entirely on her own.
“I went through a period of deep disappointment and depression, where I wasn’t able to do much for myself,” Omary said.
Then something incredible happened: Omary met a woman who would become her close friend, offering support that would change her experience as a refugee—and ultimately the trajectory of her entire life.
Understanding the journey
Like Anita Omary, tens of thousands of people come to the United States each year seeking safety from war, political violence, religious persecution, and other threats. Yet escaping danger, unfortunately, is only the first challenge. Once here, immigrant and refugee families must deal with the loss of displacement, while at the same time facing language barriers, adapting to a new culture, and sometimes even facing social stigma and anti-immigrant biases.
Welcoming immigrant and refugee neighbors strengthens the nation and benefits everyone—and according to Anita Omary, small, simple acts of human kindness can make the greatest difference in helping them feel safe, valued, and truly at home.
A warm welcome
Dee and Omary's son, Osman
Anita Omary was receiving prenatal checkups at a woman’s health center in West Haven when she met Dee, a nurse.
“She immediately recognized that I was new, and that I was struggling,” Omary said. “From that moment on, she became my support system.”
Dee started checking in on Omary throughout her pregnancy, both inside the clinic and out.
“She would call me and ask am I okay, am I eating, am I healthy,” Omary said. “She helped me with things I didn’t even realize I needed, like getting an air conditioner for my small, hot room.”
Soon, Dee was helping Omary apply for jobs and taking her on driving lessons every weekend. With her help, Omary landed a job, passed her road test on the first attempt, and even enrolled at the University of New Haven to pursue her master’s degree. Dee and Omary became like family. After Omary’s son, Osman, was born, Dee spent five days in the hospital at her side, bringing her halal food and brushing her hair in the same way Omary’s mother used to. When Omary’s postpartum pain became too great for her to lift Osman’s car seat, Dee accompanied her to his doctor’s appointments and carried the baby for her.
“Her support truly changed my life,” Omary said. “Her motivation, compassion, and support gave me hope. It gave me a sense of stability and confidence. I didn’t feel alone, because of her.”
More than that, the experience gave Omary a new resolve to help other people.
“That experience has deeply shaped the way I give back,” she said. “I want to be that source of encouragement and support for others that my friend was for me.”
Extending the welcome
Omary and Dee at the Martin Luther King, Jr. Vision Awards ceremony at the University of New Haven.
Omary is now flourishing. She currently works as a career development specialist as she continues her Master’s degree. She also, as a member of the Refugee Storytellers Collective, helps advocate for refugee and immigrant families by connecting them with resources—and teaches local communities how to best welcome newcomers.
“Welcoming new families today has many challenges,” Omary said. “One major barrier is access to English classes. Many newcomers, especially those who have just arrived, often put their names on long wait lists and for months there are no available spots.” For women with children, the lack of available childcare makes attending English classes, or working outside the home, especially difficult.
Omary stresses that sometimes small, everyday acts of kindness can make the biggest difference to immigrant and refugee families.
“Welcome is not about big gestures, but about small, consistent acts of care that remind you that you belong,” Omary said. Receiving a compliment on her dress or her son from a stranger in the grocery store was incredibly uplifting during her early days as a newcomer, and Omary remembers how even the smallest gestures of kindness gave her hope that she could thrive and build a new life here.
“I built my new life, but I didn’t do it alone,” Omary said. “Community and kindness were my greatest strengths.”
Are you in? Click here to join the Refugee Advocacy Lab and sign the #WeWillWelcome pledge and complete one small act of welcome in your community. Together, with small, meaningful steps, we can build communities where everyone feels safe.
This article is part of Upworthy’s “The Threads Between U.S.” series that highlights what we have in common thanks to the generous support from the Levi Strauss Foundation, whose grantmaking is committed to creating a culture of belonging.
Being a mom can be a lonely role. A 2024 study published by The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center found that 66% of parents reported feeling isolated, and a whopping 79% reported a desire to connect with others outside of work and home.
One mom on Reddit shared exactly how she went from feeling “so incredibly lonely” to having a “huge mom village” in just one year.
She explained that it started at the end of 2024, when she found herself feeling really miserable and thinking about the new year ahead.
“I don’t speak to my family, my in-laws are out of state and honestly it was getting to the point where my husband was my only consistent friend,” she wrote. “It can be really soul crushing to have no network of adults to share life with. I needed more connection.”
How she grew her “mom village”
She decided to try the “most bottom barrel thing I could think of”—she planned a monthly mom dinner for fellow moms. Some she knew, some she didn’t.
“I invited every mom I knew, but that wasn’t going to cut it so I started inviting moms I didn’t know at all,” she shared. “Make eye contact with me in the pick up area? Hey there, I have a monthly mom dinner I host if you want to come. Our kids are in the same class and I saw you for five minutes once from across the hall? Please take this invitation to my monthly mom dinner. We’re FB friends who haven’t seen each other in 20 years, but I saw your post about needing to get out? Mom dinner.”
In the comments, she explained that the dinners started out at restaurants, but that it cut “many moms due to finances and childcare,” so she began to switch it up by adding in potlucks.
She put herself out there by extending invites, something she said was “a little uncomfortable at first.” However, the positive response quelled any of her insecurities.
“The overwhelming reaction was excitement and gratitude, so after the first few it became really easy,” she wrote. “Women have been so receptive to hanging out with other women. I have had moms decline or not show up, but I have yet to feel rejected by anyone.”
She added that each fellow mom she encountered could relate to the need for a “Mom dinner.”
“Literally every single mom I’ve spoken to gets it,” she added. “We all seem to be in the same sinking boat.”
Momentum started to increase, and by six months in, she noticed she had added many more mom friends into her life.
“I went from having two mom friends that I knew would probably watch my kids in an emergency, to a real village with a bit more than 20 of those mom friends,” she shared. “This was unimaginable to me when I started the dinner in 2025.”
Although she doubted her experiment would work, it did, and there was an unexpected benefit: “My kids are even having sleepovers now, that’s how much trust and community we’ve built.”
Finally, she wants to encourage other moms to step outside their comfort zones.
“All it really took was the courage to say I’m lonely out loud to other people and a FB event invite,” she explained. “It’s been such a positive change in my life, so I just wanted to share my experience.”
Women enjoy dessert together. Photo credit: Canva
Moms react
Her idea to connect moms and build a strong fellowship of mom friends resonated with lonely mothers:
“This is the way to do it. I did something similar, and it is SO AWKWARD to put yourself out there for a few months/a while and hope to get something back (especially as an introvert) but now we have annual egg hunts, July 4th parties, outdoor movie nights, summer parties, etc. where we just invite dozens of people and have this awesome little village community.”
“My social anxiety could never but it wishes it could. 😂 This sounds honestly so lovely. I’m sure this has helped a lot of moms feel part of the wider world again. I’d come to your mom dinner in a heartbeat.”
“This is great! A YouTuber I love (Hannah Witton) tries to do coffee mornings every month or so where they have coffee, pastries, brunch type snacks and invite young families over to just drop in for however long they can. It has definitely encouraged me to do something similar to build our village. A mom of a classmate recently organized a mom dinner for our class and it was amazing. All of us indicated it was something we needed more of. I’m glad she took the initiative to get it set up.”
Malala Yousafzai most certainly has a lot of light. At the young age of 11, she began advocating for education for girls after the Taliban took over her district of Swat in Pakistan. About three years later, she, (alongside two other girls) was shot in the head on a bus for her passionate, outspoken views.
She survived and went on to address the United Nations about the importance of education. From her non-profit’s website, “The U.N. recognized July 12 as Malala Day, in honour of her courageous advocacy and to highlight the global struggle for education. With her father, her ally and inspiration, she established Malala Fund, an organisation dedicated to giving every girl the opportunity to learn and choose her own future.”
Recently, one of her younger brothers, Khushal Yousafzai, was speaking at the Oxford Scholars Program when he was asked if he ever felt “overshadowed” by his sister’s accomplishments. His answer was vulnerable, heartfelt, and lovely. “My sister almost died. Forget her getting the Nobel Prize. Forget her getting the limelight. I would give up my life for you to have a life. Death puts things into perspective like nothing else does.”
He pauses and asks, “Why would her success take anything away from me? I’m not in my sister’s shadow. I’m in my sister’s light. And Rumi has this beautiful quote: ‘A candle doesn’t lose its light when it lights up another candle.’ It actually makes the world a brighter place. It lights up the whole room.”
He continues with the message of supporting the people you love. “So guys, uplift each other. If you see your friend, uplift them. Because guess what? We all are gonna die someday. And your friends, I’m sure they mean a lot to you. And at times, there is that feeling of jealousy. You don’t want to be going to their funeral and telling their parents how amazing they were. Because guess what? It’s too late. So tell them while they’re still alive. You don’t want to live with that, so uplift people while they’re still here.”
Khushal speaks frequently to students about his journey. He is also a fierce advocate for education and finding the fuel to live life to its fullest. From the bio he shared with Upworthy: “Through his educational platform, Yousafzai Academy, he mentors students about personal and academic growth, learning from setbacks, and leadership.”
Many in the Instagram comments are beautifully supportive and touched by his words. “So beautiful to see his immense love for his sister shared so honestly, vulnerably, and without any hint of shame or resentment. And the Rumi quote is just so perfect. ❤”
Another notes that his wisdom isn’t surprising, considering that his whole family is involved in activism. “This family has got all the right things going on! What a gift to the world.”
This person was moved by his words, especially by the idea of uplifting people while there’s still time. “Wisdom. Beautiful. Fabulous. What a family! Uplift your friends. Uplift people while they are still here. Yes!”
And this commenter deduces from his clip that the trauma their family has been through has created a thoughtful empath. “You have a high level of empathy 🙏🏽💕. Only people who have come close to death know the depth of your words and the bond you share with your sister.”
Millennials with Baby Boomer parents have not been shy about airing their complaints about the older generation. Millennials have previously noted that their parents tend to hoard food—and now Millennials are airing their grievances about Boomer “stuff avalanche”.
On Reddit, Millennials discussed their frustrations about their Boomer parents and the insane amount of junk they have in their homes that (allegedly) will one day be passed down to them one day. Many Millennials shared that it is a source of contention for them, and that they wish their parents would just throw things out.
“3 car garage…cannot fit a single car in there,” one commented. And another stated, “I am very concerned with the amount of junk my parents are holding onto.”
A fellow peeved Millennial added, “The worst part is that our parents think this is all worth lots and lots of money. Don’t worry kids, these three sets of china I’m saving for you will be worth millions!”
Another had laid down the law: “My mom kept joking about all the ‘stuff’ being my inheritance. After a few times I was tired of it, I looked her dead in the face and said in the most monotone I could get. ‘I will get the biggest dumpster I can, and it will all go in the trash.’ She stopped making that joke, and my parents have been slowly throwing out their junk ever since.”
A Baby Boomer garage that is filled with stuff. – Photo credit: Canva
Why Boomers struggle to throw things away
The Boomer generation grew up in the post-war era shaped by rationing and economic rebuilding,” Daniel Glazer, clinical psychologist and co-founder of US Therapy Rooms, tells Upworthy.
He adds that the Boomer inability to let stuff go is often criticized, when you look at the psychology of their attachment to objects, their behavior makes much more sense.
“Not so long ago, saving things was an adaptive habit. ‘That might come in handy’ was a common refrain in households in which replacing something was not so easy, or affordable,” says Glazer. “There is also an element of emotional security that comes from the things that have surrounded us through decades of life events, or even across a lifetime.”
And for many Boomers, getting rid of stuff can signify an even bigger mental battle.
“As people age, there can also be an increased awareness of mortality,” Esin Pinarli, Founder & Holistic Psychotherapist at Eternal Wellness Counseling. “Letting go of objects can feel symbolic, almost like letting go of chapters of their life. If no one is asking about those chapters anymore, those objects become the tangible proof that those experiences mattered. So it’s not stubbornness. It’s often about attachment, meaning-making, and a fear of losing relevance or erasing parts of their story.”
How to help Boomers declutter
Starting the conversation with Boomer parents in an empathetic and understanding way may help the process go more smoothly and deepen the relationship with them. Here are a few examples of conversation starters Millennials can use when talking to their Boomer parents about throwing things away:
Conversation Starter #1: “I know these things mean something to you. I’d love to hear the story behind a few of them.”
“This shifts the focus from getting rid of objects to honoring the meaning behind them,” says Pinarli. “When a parent feels seen and understood, they’re often more open to eventually letting go. It validates that the attachment is about memory and identity, not just stuff.”
Conversation Starter #2: “What would feel good for you to keep, and what feels like it’s just taking up space now?”
“This gives them agency,” Pinarli explains. “Instead of telling them what to throw away, it invites them to reflect on what still feels meaningful versus what might no longer serve them. That sense of control reduces defensiveness.”
Conversation Starter #3: “Would it help to go through this together so we can make sure the important things are preserved?”
“This frames decluttering as a collaborative and supportive process, not a demand,” Pinarli shares. “It reassures them that their memories and legacy won’t be dismissed or erased, which can lower the emotional intensity around letting go.”
Nobody wants to hear anyone using the restroom. Still, sometimes, if you live or work in close quarters, it can be hard to go discreetly without anyone hearing the splashing, grunting, toilet paper ripping, and flushing that goes on while you’re on the throne. Some try to mask the noise with strategic flushing, while others let the tap run—but that can be a big water waste.
A Florida father found a way to put a silencer on his bathroom door by strategically adding a pool noodle to the bottom, and people are applauding his ingenuity. He sliced the noodle down the center and affixed it to the bottom of the door so no sound could escape. It probably helps keep the smells out as well.
Brilliant dad soundproofs his bathroom
A picture of the invention was shared by one of his children on Reddit. “Florida man adds pool noodle feature to a bathroom door *for ‘noises,’*” they captioned the image.
“Well, that’s using your noodle,” one commenter wrote.
The man’s brilliant solution to a problem that affects all of humanity inspired others on Reddit to share their favorite pool noodle hacks. Here are some of the best:
1. Keep toys from going under the couch
“We use pool noodles under the edges of the couch and table so toys don’t get knocked underneath them. The dogs appreciate it more than our son does.”
“We had to trim a little off the noodle for the couch because it sat lower, but we used whole noodles for the coffee table. The important part is that it’s a tight enough fit to wedge into place.”
“This will be huge for the dogs, cats, kids, and Roomba.”
2. Keep your records in place
“I use a piece of noodle at the back of my IKEA KALLAX shelving to keep vinyl records from sliding too far back and stay evenly faced up front. If you want black instead of colorful, use pipe insulation—it’s basically the same though not as cheap.”
3. Stop drafts
“I use mine wrapped with T-shirts to block the draft under my front door. I love how you can cut it to fit perfectly to fit the doorframe.”
“I use a piece of one on top of my bedroom door to keep it open just a little bit so the cat can get out, otherwise the air pressure tends to push it shut.”
5. Protect your noggin with a noodle
“Slit a pool noodle and wrapped it the length of a shelf’s edge in my pool cabana. I no longer crack my forehead on the sharp edge when I lean in to crank the pool filter setting.”
The Florida father who used a pool noodle to prevent unwanted sounds—and probably scents—from escaping his bathroom is further proof that the pool noodle has countless uses. It’s fair to say pool noodles have now joined the ranks of zip ties, Pedialyte, and binder clips as accidental multipurpose objects that can really get you out of a jam (or fill a door jam) when you need help around the house.
Choosing a college major is a big deal for students and parents alike because one’s college major sets the groundwork for their future career and income.
One mom decided that, in order to set her kids up for future financial success, she would limit her kids’ college major choices.
Mom and therapist Ruth Han, LPC, took to Instagram to share how she helped guide her children on choosing their college majors—and her methods seem pretty controversial.
Han began the video by saying people are going to “lose their minds” when she tells them why she is implementing limits for her kids’ college majors. She added that her husband thought she was crazy and thought their kids would rebel when she delivered the news.
“College is not a time to explore your passions. I do not have the money or the time for that,” she said. “Absolutely take advantage of all the extracurriculars and the opportunities that a college campus offers. But college, to me, is a white collar trade school, so you have to graduate with an in-demand skill.”
The four majors are: Nursing, Accounting, Engineering, and Computer Science.
Her biggest reason for limiting college major choices is tuition itself, which she adds can cost up to $400,000. Han explains her homeschooled kids earned full merit scholarships as well. However, she argues that young adults will have a harder time launching if they don’t earn enough money to financially support themselves.
“They can at that time figure out what they want to do and what their passions are. So it was best for me to do something to make sure that my kids were going to enter young adulthood with a highly-marketable, in-demand skill.”
Han explained that she told her kids that they would have her full financial support for four years, but “after that i have to focus on my retirement because I do not expect you to support me in my old age. As a mother, it’s my duty to make sure that you can provide for yourself.”
That means doing whatever her kids want to do. “You want to go play guitar on the boardwalk for money? Go for it. You wanna be a professional gamer, an actress, a dancer, a musician, a pro athlete—go for it. I want them to do whatever they want once they have the actual ability to make that choice as an adult because then you also have to have the ability to handle all of the ups and downs of such choices.”
Her final takeaway: “As parents, we have to make sure that they start out in life without any student loans,” Han said.
“My daughter had 1 choice… tech, and I won’t say she agreed. But after becoming a SE and making 110K straight out of college, she was very happy she listened.”
“Certified HR professional with 18 years of experience and having worked for Fortune 500s, tech, and hedge funds (as HR) I can tell you she’s saving them so much time wasted. So many professionals don’t end up in the fields they studied delaying their peak salary. Every single one of those degrees have high salaries averages and are respectable degrees. I’ve never seen a high paying job (200k+) asking for liberal arts preferred…”
“This is what my parents pretty much did lol I wanted to go to acting school my dad said get a degree first and I got an engineering degree. I’m actually happy he did that.”
“I love the concept of launching young adults VS raising children. I’m on board.”
“Having worked in higher education, practically my entire career, I can say from professional experience that this sounds like good advice but it’s not that cut and dry. Great, you limited the education and career options for your child because of its earning potential. Congratulations, now your child is crying in my office their entire senior year because their unhappy, not really good at what they’ve studied because they were never invested, and now they’re on their way to being unemployed or underemployed because they never really mastered the skill set. They just sat in class to make you happy. A paid dancer makes more than an unemployed engineer everyday of the week. And trust me… there are a bunch of unemployed engineers, doctors, and lawyers.”
“I totally understand your reasoning but also maybe they shouldn’t go to college if they don’t like those majors. I have a long list of people who decided the majors they graduated in weren’t for them. They decided they were happier being carpenters, bartenders, teachers, opened restaurants, etc. Those big paychecks and so called secure jobs killed their soul.”
“I got a BFA in acting. Went on to become a professional theatre creator for years, and then received a scholarship to get my masters degree at Columbia where I now have the opportunity to work on Broadway. Thank GOD my mother didn’t do this, and she accepted and supported my talent and drive for what it was! I’m so glad my parents saw me for who I was, even if it wasn’t the most statistically probable path towards financial stability (yes, we both have student loans to pay for this). And perhaps this might come as surprising, but an advanced tertiary education is about learning, not just financial gain.”
“I would have dropped out of school in 2 days if I had been in accounting/nursing/engineering. I also would have wasted YEARS not developing the skills I was passionate about and been behind. I am SO thankful I had parents who supported ‘out of the box’ ways of life and thought my art degree was a great idea. The overall liberal arts education was mind-opening! I started my own company and now make more each year than any accountant or nurse I know, plus I work from home on my own schedule and have tons of time with my family. Doing what I LOVE. I also paid for all my own schooling by choosing affordable schools and finding creative ways to pay for them. My parents supported creative ways to make money but never handed me cash. It’s my education, not theirs.”
Oldest siblings can have a complicated relationship with their youngers. They may be separated by many years, or just one or two. They can be best friends or mortal enemies depending on the day. Siblings tend to fight and have conflict at an almost laughably high rate, and yet, in many cases, they are among the most meaningful relationships in a person’s life.
However, it’s often not until kids grow up that they truly appreciate the bond they have with their siblings and the crucial role that each of them has played in the other’s lives.
Poet Joshua De Schutter recently performed a tear-jerking poem dedicated to his older sister, Joy, and it’s striking a nerve with people everywhere who grew up with siblings.
De Schutter, who is only in his early twenties, has been posting clips of his performances online for about two years. In that short time he has amassed over a million followers. Viewers connect deeply with his incisive observations about life, love, and family, and his poems are extremely accessible in their language and structure, giving them a broad appeal almost anyone can relate to.
A recent piece about older siblings has racked up over three million views.
“Someone to protect me from everything that hurt them, that’s what it really means to have an older sibling,” De Schutter says early in the piece, which is a spoken word poem performed in a natural cadence.
“Someone in my life I don’t even remember meeting, someone who loved me before I knew love was a feeling … And man, it must be hard, being mom and dad’s first, being the kid that taught them how to be adults, being the first kid to experience those flaws and responsibilities you have to inherit. We all know that the first child becomes the third parent.”
One of the best lines comes as he makes a realization about his older sister’s love and protection: That it came at a cost.
“Then you grow up and you look back at all they did… and you realize she had to grow up faster so that I could stay a kid.”
Nearly five-thousand people commented on De Schutter’s video expressing their gratitude for his message. Many were brought to tears:
“as an eldest child, i’m crying. thank you.”
“I’m the eldest child and this made me cry so much … thank you for your words. This isn’t your first poem that brought me to tears. You touch many lives. Keep doing what you do!”
“As the eldest sibling, my younger siblings are literally my babies and I’d do anything for them”
“Sitting here, crying. Because me and my older sister didnt get along so good. I wish we would have. And crying, because I hope my First daughter will be this for her Younger Sisters. And crying, because it will be hard for her.”
“recently lost my little sister and she expressed some of these same sentiments. It’s one of the only things that bring me solace. I miss her so much”
“Thank you for putting this into words. As the older sibling by almost 8years with a single mom I wish I could’ve had this kind of appreciation.”
De Schutter’s poem captures something many eldest siblings inherently understand. Birth order, research shows, can play a huge role in the development of our personalities.
(The young poet has a real talent for taking seemingly simple observations about life and making them hit like a sledgehammer.)
“Oldest child syndrome” refers to traits that are commonly seen in a firstborn kid as they grow into an adult. They often grow up faster and reach cognitive milestones more quickly, take on more responsibility at a younger age, and can be drawn to leadership roles as adults. However, the extra responsibility and parent-like roles they take on can have a toll on their mental health. There’s an extremely fine line between a kid learning responsibility and leadership versus becoming parentified. Too much of the latter can cause massive stress, anxiety, and healthy boundary issues in children as they grow up.
Oldest siblings, of course, are rarely recognized for these contributions to the family. In many cases, they do make sacrifices in their own childhood in order to be a role model and caregiver for their younger siblings, so it’s no wonder hearing that hard work finally acknowledged in De Schutter’s poem is bringing so many eldest siblings to tears.
There are seemingly endless generational differences in parenting between Millennials and their Baby Boomer parents. As grandparents, many Boomers have been described by Millennials as absent. They’ve also been labeled with “gramnesia,” a blend of “grandparent” and “amnesia,” referring to how many seem to forget what raising kids was really like.
One Millennial mom shared a similar take on Reddit, explaining that her Boomer parents made it seem like raising babies was far less taxing for them than it is for modern-day parents.
She wrote, “Everyone I’ve talked to, their parents make it seem like ‘back in the day’ all babies just slept. They put them in their cribs and they napped and slept and had no problems and it was just rainbows and sunshine. No contact naps, no sleep training etc. Are they misremembering? Was it just easier??”
Fellow Millennial parents offered experiences and insight with their Boomer parents that felt validating.
Many Millennials agree that the Boomer perspective on raising kids is skewed:
“I know one boomer who put earplugs in and ignored her baby all night. She’ll tell you baby slept through the night. The grandma who lived in the house with them and actually got up for the crying baby might tell you a different story.” – TraditionalManager82
“My mom was like ‘I thought you were sleeping through the night but your 13 year old brother was actually getting up to take care of you’.” – Stepharoni523
“My mom gave us dimetapp can’t imagine doing that to my kid.” – ChoptankSweets
“My boomer mom told me she would put me down for a nap and go for a walk around the neighborhood while I cried.” – AppropriateAmoeba406
“Yep, my boomer MIL visited when my eldest was a week old. Baby started crying because it was time to eat. As I tended to her, my MIL told me to just put her in her crib, close the door to the nursery, and go do something for myself out of the house. Like get my nails done, go have coffee, etc. She said that’s what she did with all of her kids. ‘They’re in the crib, so they can’t get hurt’ was her reasoning. She also felt I was ‘spoiling’ my 6 pound baby by feeding her when she was hungry. I was HORRIFIED and never left her alone with my babies no matter how much she offered.” – littlebittydoodle
“They weren’t held to even half the standards parents today are held to. It was easier because many of them were terrible parents, and that was just fine.” – allie06nd
“Even ‘good parents’ following the recommended guidelines of the time would generally be considered sub-par by today’s standards. I also think there is so much more information and awareness of the importance of early childhood development today. This has led to added stress and pressure on today’s parents to influence development as positively as possible. And parents feel responsible for any setbacks, real or perceived.” – heycarlgoodtoseeyou
Some Millennials defend Boomers
Not everyone agreed that Boomer parents simply had it easier, and they explained why:
“I think there is some truth to the idea that babies generally slept better. The advice then was to lay babies down on their bellies, and many babies do sleep better that way. But of course, it’s also more dangerous and not worth the risk, so the advice now is to sleep safely on their backs. But for all of the babies who were luckily able to sleep safely that way, there’s a good chance that the parents slept better too.” – mdb_la
“Yeah, it’s an evolutionary thing. We forget how horrible it was otherwise no one would ever have a second child.” – tonyrocks922
“My mom just doesn’t remember a lot of the details. I think that goes to show that it really does go quickly and is a faint memory one day. My mom is always saying ‘I honestly don’t remember this with you girls, so it must not have been that bad!’ I have a 4 year age gap and I even forgot about the newborn stage. It’s just a blur now. I also think no social media/internet at their fingertips back then is also a huge part. Parents just…parented and didn’t have constant communication with the ‘outside world’.” – SaveBandit_02
“I asked my granny how she raised four kids because I struggle with just two of them. She said she thinks I put more into it than she did. So I’m guessing they didn’t worry themselves over a lot of the details millennials do. Knowing that I’m making life harder on myself than past generations did doesn’t change my behavior, but I do feel more capable and calm and less wrecked when I remind myself that I am choosing to be a highly involved and engaged parent, it’s not a requirement, and I am giving them everything I’ve got of my own free will.” – dammitjenna
A teacher shared how encouraging her student to find common ground instantly stopped an argument – Photo credit: via @brightsignslearning/TikTok, used with permission
Tennessee-based educator Shelby Rideout was substituting for a third-grade class when she noticed two young girls, who were otherwise “really sweet, fun, kind,” start arguing with one another. The solution she found to instantly ease that conflict was surprisingly simple.
She encouraged them to “Look for some common ground.”
Without missing a beat, the girls were able to make one connection after another (“Jesus” and “Ethiopian food,” in this case) without any further guidance from Rideout. Within minutes, they went from bickering to “hootin’ and hollerin’ and laughing.”
Rideout shared this story to her TikTok, with the message that: “It is literally that simple. I feel like we’re a world where everyone is looking for a problem…why not look for how to get along?”
“I don’t care if it’s just that you both like peaches,” she quipped. “That’s a start. That’s how we start.”
In an interview with Today, Rideout even argued that this method of finding common ground is how we ease conflict in the adult world. “Whether someone leans left or right,” she said, “most people are motivated by the same goal: to make things better.”
Several viewers even proved this point by sharing some of their own positive anecdotes that came from incorporating this mindset into their everyday lives.
“I was an elected official for 24 years. I used a version of your solution often, especially with elected officials of the other party,” one person wrote.
Another added: “I made a conscious decision to befriend a co-worker who I was really struggling with. I started going out of my way to extend extra kindness to them. We now get along beautifully!”
In this day and age, it’s easy to forget that most people are not as far apart as they think. Thankfully, they just need a starting point that reminds them of their shared humanity.
If you want to try Rideout’s “common ground” approach in your own life, here are a few simple ways to start.
Two women engaging in a pleasant conversation inside a coffee shop Photo credit: Canva
First, ask open-ended questions. Instead of focusing on what you disagree about, ask about hobbies, favorite foods, music, or weekend plans. Shared interests often appear quickly when the conversation is relaxed.
Second, listen for common values. Even when opinions differ, people often care about the same underlying goals, such as safety, fairness, family, or community. Naming those shared values can shift the tone of a conversation.
Third, keep it small. Common ground does not have to be profound. Maybe you both love a certain coffee shop. Maybe you both dread Monday mornings. Small points of connection can build trust over time.
Fourth, lead with kindness. A smile, a compliment, or a moment of patience can make someone more willing to meet you halfway. Kindness often opens the door to connection.
Finally, remember that, as Rideout mentioned, common ground is a beginning, not a solution to every problem. You can still disagree. You can still set boundaries. But starting from a place of shared understanding makes it easier to move forward with respect.
Bottom line: Rideout’s classroom moment is a reminder that the tools for better communication are often simple and accessible. Two third graders found their way back to laughter by naming what they shared. Adults can do the same.
