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suicide rates

Mental Health

What parents can do to prepare for if their teens express suicidal thoughts

Talking about suicide doesn’t cause suicidal thoughts.

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Preparing for if your child expresses suicidal thoughts

Editor's Note: This story discusses suicide. If you are having thoughts about taking your own life, or know of anyone who is in need of help, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is a United States-based suicide prevention network of over 200+ crisis centers that provides 24/7 service via a toll-free hotline with the number 9-8-8. It is available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress.

A teen expressing suicidal thoughts can be terrifying as a parent. There's not really a handbook for it and sometimes you're not even the first to know. Teens are at a unique stage in their lives, stuck between adulthood and childhood. They're trying to figure out their place in the world while navigating massive hormonal changes, more challenging work at school, social group pressures, and adults constantly asking what their future plans are.

When you add in the extra layer of sexual orientation outside of heterosexual norms, teens can feel immense pressure they're not fully equipped to handle on their own. But because of their stage of development, secrecy is fairly common, even if you have a close relationship with your teens.

So this can sometimes mean that by the time they're coming to their parent with a problem, they've exhausted all of the resources they have. But there are things parents can do in an attempt to help their teens prepare for suicidal thoughts if they pop up.

Everything a parent can do essentially revolves around having open, honest conversations about suicidal thoughts. Parents often try to steer their kids clear of upsetting information or anything that may seem like it's encouraging an undesirable behavior. But kids are smart and we have to trust them to make the choices right for them based off of the information they have.

Normalizing suicidal ideation as something that some people have can help kids feel comfortable to open up with their parents when they experience them. Passive suicidal ideation is something that many people experience, which can be things like hoping you don't wake up in the morning or wanting a tragic accident to occur. But they can also look like someone saying they don't want to be here anymore or that life would be easier without them.

Parents should have a firm handle on when suicidal thoughts are passive and when they're active so they can impart that knowledge on their children. Passive suicidal thoughts doesn't mean hospitalization, in most cases it means the person would benefit from therapy as there is likely some underlying mental health condition.

Girl laying on couch sad

Statistics|UCLA Health - Image, Satrio Ramadham|Canva

Active suicidal ideation is when a plan is in place. This doesn't mean it's months out. A plan for suicide can come together quickly and impulsively, especially if there's a inciting event like failing an important test or someone threatening to send a teen's inappropriate pictures to everyone on Snapchat. Sextortion has claimed the lives of several teenage boys over the past few years, many of them popular, student athletes with good grades and a strong friend group.

Talking about suicidal thoughts and what to do in the event of having them can help save their lives. Parents can also reassure their children that there is nothing they can do that would make you stop loving them. Bring sexting out on the table to let them know people make mistakes and that you'll always be a safe person to come to if someone is threatening to expose inappropriate pictures. No judgement.

Does that mean you need to agree with them sending inappropriate photos? No. But when they're coming to you in a bind, judgement needs to sit in the backseat until your child is safe. The lesson is already learned and nothing you do or say will drive it home more.

Outside of talking about it openly, discussing the different types of ideation and reassurance that you're a safe person if something big happens-parents should make sure their kids store crisis numbers in their phones. Because they're teens, they don't always come to parents first, so parents making sure kids have crisis numbers stored is that extra layer of knowledge that it's okay to seek help.

Teen with rainbow hair with hands over face sad

Statistics|The Trevor Project - Image, ASphotofamily|Canva

Storing multiple options can be beneficial. 988 is great for crisis phone calls, 741741 is a crisis text line, 1-866-488-7386 is a crisis line for LGBTQ youth and 678-678 is their text option. Even if you don't think your child is a member of the LGBTQ community, it's still beneficial for them to have access to this number whether it benefits them directly one day or if they pass it along to a friend.

If there's ever a time when your child comes to you with an active plan for suicide, you can take them to the nearest emergency department or crisis center. Many psychiatric hospitals will assess people without them being assessed at the emergency department first if they have a bed available, which you can find out by calling ahead. If the crisis is acute and it's not safe to transport your child, you can call 988 and they will work with local emergency services to pick them up.

Woman in grey hoodie with runny mascara

Statistics|UCLA Health - Image, Cottonbro Studio|Canva

Talking to teens about suicide isn't a fun conversation but it has to be had. Suicide is the second leading cause of death among people 10-24 years olds, having the conversation and checking in frequently is imperative to ensure teens have the knowledge to keep them earth side as long as possible.

This article was written by Jacalyn Wetzel, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and practicing therapist.

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Watch men read their old suicide notes in a gut-wrenching PSA about getting help.

Content warning: discussion of suicidal thoughts and actions.

Suicide is often a silent killer.

Not only has it quietly become one of the leading causes of death in the U.S., but it's often the hesitation and fear of speaking up and asking for help that makes suicide seem like the only option.

In a way, our silence is killing us. And this is especially true for men.

In a gut-wrenching new PSA from the Movember Foundation, a nonprofit focused on men's health, men read aloud old suicide notes they'd written to loved ones years ago, after they'd decided to kill themselves.

Thankfully, none of them followed through. They decided to speak up instead.

It's a gripping reminder that "suicide notes talk too late" when it comes to accessing care:

As the PSA hints, far more men die from suicide than women.

While suicide rates have surged to 30-year highs across many demographics in the U.S. — with alarming spikes among both middle-aged women and young girls — men are still much more likely to kill themselves overall, according to data from the CDC.

"Globally, the rate of suicide is alarmingly high, particularly in men," as Movember's website points out. "Too many men are 'toughing it out,' keeping their feelings to themselves and struggling in silence."

— (@)

One particular subgroup of men, however, has been especially affected.

As FiveThirtyEight reported, middle-age white men living in the American West are three times as likely to die from suicide than the national average. Locals in Wyoming — a state where roughly 8 in 10 suicides are men — blame it on the “cowboy-up” mentality: pull yourself up by the bootstraps and carry on.

Call it whatever you want, but the "tough it out" strategy and the "cowboy-up" mentality are exactly the wrong ways to take care of your mental health.

Gender norms hurt both women and men, and nothing exemplifies that better than the discrepancy in suicide rates.

As boys, we're taught not to cry. As teens, we're told to suck it up.

It's no wonder research suggests men are less likely to reach out for help when struggling with depression, substance abuse, or stressful life events.

Men are told time and time again that opening up and showing emotion is a form of weakness, even though it can be the bravest, strongest thing a person can do.

Photo via iStock.

Starting that conversation can save your life.

If you're depressed or having thoughts of suicide, today is the day to get help.

National Suicide Prevention Week is a campaign aimed at curbing the stigma surrounding mental health and encouraging folks to access care.

But there really isn't an ideal week to reach out for help. The sooner you speak up, the brighter your future looks.

Need help? You can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255, or learn more at the Movember Foundation's website.

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What it's like for a man to share his feelings - Upworthy ›

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This Irishman didn't expect his emotional video confession to go viral.

Doug Leddin had a secret to share.

For more than a decade, he had kept it under wraps, but the depths of his shame had become too great to bear. He was embarrassed not only of the secret itself, but also the fact that he had hidden it from his friends and loved ones for so long.

"I wanted to let my friends know, I wanted to let everyone know, all at once. To lift a massive weight off my shoulders," Doug told Upworthy over email. "It was easier for me to share all at once than to sit down and tell everyone individually."

On April 13, the 27-year-old digital marketing professional posted a moving video confession:

Experiencing mental health struggles is nothing to be ashamed of, of course. But for many people, it often feels that way.

"Depression isn’t about just being sad or down momentarily because of something going wrong or you had a bad day in work," he explained to Upworthy. "Depression is when [you're] sad when everything in your life seems to be going right but you can’t see or feel that. "

"This feeling after 10 years becomes normal, you become numb to it, this abnormal feeling becomes so so normal."

It wasn't just Doug's friends and family who heard his message. Within a week, 1.5 million other people across the globe had heard it too.

After years of suffering in silence, Doug's depression turned him into a viral sensation. Suddenly he was making radio and television appearances throughout his native Ireland, and media outlets as far away as Australia had picked up on his story.

None of this made his confession any less terrifying. But, well, that was also kind of the point.

"The amazing response has just been so heartwarming and kind, truly uplifting," he told Upworthy.

The truth is that there's nothing rational about depression. And there's no cure for it either. You can talk about it and you can treat the symptoms, but the battle never ends. And that's why Doug came forward with his struggle.

Ireland has an incredibly high suicide rate. It's estimated that approximately 1 in 10 Irish citizens has suffered from depression, and in recent years, anywhere from 475 to 550 people died by suicide per year. But while the country actively promotes road safety — 196 people died in automobile accidents in 2014 — there's no comparable campaign for people living with mental illness.

"We need to speak up as sufferers. We need to shatter this silence," Doug said.

Although Doug did find tremendous relief by sharing his colossal burden with the world, the depression is still a part of his life. He will continue to suffer, but at least he doesn't have to do it alone — and, thanks to his powerful message, he hopes that others find the support they need as well.

"Depression for everyone is so different, but I want people to know it doesn't change the person that's affected," he said. "They are still the amazing person you know and love."

"If you're going through some bad spells, and you are feeling dark, alone, and scared, remember that you can talk, that it is OK, that things can and will get better over time. Seek professional help, talk to your doctor or family, and be brave take courage and open up."