Parents say this 1-minute check-in with their kids has made weeknights so much better
They call it a 'mini ritual' with 3 easy prompts.
The easy conversation ritual parents say takes 1 minute and makes them feel more connected to their kids.
Connecting with kids after long days of school can be tough for parents. And the default question, "How was school today?" can often fall flat.
But asking kids questions beyond boring go-to's can deepen your relationship and help you feel closer to one another—and it can take less than one minute.
On the Reddit subforum r/Parenting, parents shared their tried and true "mini ritual" that they have developed with their nine-year-old to help other parents connect with their kids.
@queenn_gee What questions do you ask your kid(s) when they’ve been away for awhile? (Example, school, kids church, grandmas house) #backtoschool #involved #invest #mom
"After dinner our kid sprints to homework or play and real conversation disappears. We tried long debriefs and they fizzled," they shared. "What finally clicked was a tiny ritual at the sink while brushing teeth."
Then they shared exactly how they initiate their check-in. "Three prompts, one each night on a loop. Rose. Thorn. Seed," they wrote. "One win, one hard thing, one thing to try tomorrow. It stays short and somehow we get the real stuff."
The easy ritual resonated with other parents. "This is great! Thanks for sharing!" one commented. Another added, "We do this too!"
Other parents were asked to share their mini-rituals, and they offered many heartfelt responses. These are a few other ways parents have found success connecting with their kids through conversation.
Model truthfully
"For me the key was the realization that I need to model telling the things I want them to talk about, not just ask about their day. When I started sharing my day's ups and downs, they gradually followed suit. Dinner table talk is not just adults connecting with our kids, it's us connecting as a family," they shared. "'Gee, I'm tired today, I had a really tough meeting where I had to tell people bad news...' or 'I'm quite proud that I managed to finish a job I've struggled with...' or 'I don't really feel like going to the gym though it's my gym day, hmm...' or 'Mom called today and told me her garden is almost ready for winter...'. Of course, I keep it about age-appropriate; this is family chat, not me venting on them." - South_Industry_1953
"For a while we used dinner conversation to discuss the mistakes mom and dad made that day and how we fixed them or moved on. It's tough for kids to see how to resolve problems if it's not modeled for them, and it is tough to model making mistakes!" - UnfairCartographer88
Focus on their internal lives
"I can only share with you what I did when my kids were small... and that was after brushing teeth, I would have a quiet conversation with them and simply ask them how was their day, what was the most important thing they thought they had accomplished, and whether there was anything on their mind, or whether they were feeling anything in particular that they wanted to talk about now or tomorrow, perhaps. Personally speaking, the rush of daily life and the collaborative management of everybody's schedule made these sorts of conversations difficult to have, in particular as a family. But what I found was that my kids really responded positively when I showed them that I was interested in their internal emotional and psychological lives... even if that was for only five or 10 minutes before bedtime. I also found that these conversations continued on the weekends, when, for example, I might be in the car with my kids together doing various chores." - Expensive_Magician97
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Asking about the good, the bad and the surprising
"We do Good Thing, Bad Thing at dinner each night. We take turns at going first (6yo job is remembering whose turn it is). We do good things first to celebrate wins and then when it's bad things we either listen and commiserate or brainstorm solutions. It's a lovely way to encourage conversation at dinner time." - maps_mandalas
"Hi-Lo-Buffalo. What was the highlight of the day? Low? Surprise of the day?" - mrfreeeeze
"We do apples and onions at the dinner table so everyone gets a turn to talk to everyone. ETA: apples are good things, onions are not so good things." - UnfairCartographer88