+
Pop Culture

People share 'corporate buzzwords' they'd like to fire immediately without pay

It's time to retire 'fast-paced environment' once and for all!

corporate buzzwords, askreddit
Photo by krakenimages on Unsplash

Can we pivot to something else already?

OK, hive mind. Ready to do a deep dive to develop some synergy and make a lasting impact?

Yeah, corporate lingo can be kind of cringe.

Even in the age of working from home, we are still just as subject to the latest business-speak meant to inspire and motivate employees, which instead makes our brains say “kill me please.” In fact, it’s sometimes even more awkward. Who hasn’t had an “all hands” Zoom meeting where they had to “touch base,” “circle back,” then offer a “final thought?” No one. No one, I tell you.

Reddit user u/PM_ME_YOUR_MUSIC asked, “What are the most annoying corporate buzzwords or phrases you’re sick of?” and let’s just say that people “hit the ground running” with hilarious answers. No “low-hanging fruit” here. Are you triggered yet?

Below are 11 of the best answers that anyone in a corporate environment can relate to and giggle at. Read 'em fast, and you’ll “get five minutes of your time back”.

1. "Take a more holistic approach"

I will place a rose quartz on the copy machine and rub the stapler with rosemary oil.” – @Synicist

2. “Competitive pay”

Yes your pay will be competing with your bills.” – @PM_ME_YOUR_MUSIC

3. "Our workers are part of our family"

Translation: we have boundary issues.” – @shanster925

4. When someone refers to a request as an “ask”

We had a word for this already, what was wrong with it?” – @Johanssjoberg

“Request is two syllables. Not punchy, not cool.” – @Fred2718

5. "We all wear multiple hats around here"

via GIPHY

I hear this everyday. It's just an excuse to not hire anyone else.” – @ChurchWineDrunk

6. "Rockstar"

My company already changed 'rockstar' to 'jedi' in our JD 5 years ago. They changed it to 'ninja' at the beginning of this year.” – No_Imagination_4907

“I hate your company.” – @JohnCail01

7. “Win win win”

First people said ‘win win’ for something that was good for both parties, this makes sense. One popular exec said ‘win win win’ once for something that helped us, our third party partners and the customer. That's fine as a one off and a good play on the original expression. But now every exec says it's a ‘win win win’ when something good happens. They're not even a ‘win win’, just something that's good for one party.” – @NotACockroach

8. "Willing to work in fast-paced environment"

via GIPHY

*ends up in cubicle*” – @Raven0uss

Should really hire two people but only willing to pay for one.” – @Sellswordinthegrove

9. “Core values”

A corporation is a corporation, they don't have values aside from their responsibilities to their shareholders and the law. Pretending there's some moral or ethical policy overriding any of that is insulting to the employees who are expected to parrot it.” – @Aquoad

10. "Must have excellent communication skills"

via GIPHY

What if they are just great communication skills, huh? I guess I'm screwed.” – @TheBladeRoden

11. "Young, dynamic and fast-growing team"

"In my experience, it usually means inexperienced people, frequent resignations and just general lack of stability.” – @longlegs25

Or maybe you prefer to steal this person's delightfully positive take on the whole thing:

"I love corporate buzzwords. You can send emails which sound intelligent without actually saying anything and just confuse everyone." – @boywithtwoarms

Our home, from space.

Sixty-one years ago, Yuri Gagarin became the first human to make it into space and probably the first to experience what scientists now call the "overview effect." This change occurs when people see the world from far above and notice that it’s a place where “borders are invisible, where racial, religious and economic strife are nowhere to be seen.”

The overview effect makes man’s squabbles with one another seem incredibly petty and presents the planet as it truly is, one interconnected organism.

Keep ReadingShow less
@katherout/TikTok

Just another unsolved mystery

Who doesn’t like a good mystery?

A video creator known as @katherout certainly does. At the gym Kath frequents, there’s a whiteboard with a revolving prompt with simple questions like “What are you listening to?” or “What city were you born in?” Gym goers then write their responses anonymously on the board.

Kath recently became enthralled—and tickled—by a person who somehow manage to write the word “monke” (as in the word describing a group of monkeys, apparently) on every single one of their answers.

Keep ReadingShow less
@allbelongco/TikTok

How bizarre, how bizarre.

It should go without saying that it’s not cool to steal from your Airbnb. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t still happen.

However, when one Airbnb host recently discovered a guest had—for some strange reason—stolen one of her paintings, then replaced it with a completely different painting, she decided to make the best out of a very uncool situation by sharing the story on TikTok.

As a result, viewers got to witness an continuously unraveling, truly bizarre modern-day art heist.

Okay, let’s get into it.

Keep ReadingShow less

11-year-old girl is the youngest opera singer in the world.

The majority of 11-year-olds are perfectly content balancing the pre-teen life with Barbie dolls and tinted lipgloss. But one pre-teen is busy breaking records. Victory Brinker is an 11-year-old opera prodigy who was entered into the Guinness Book of World Records as the world's youngest opera singer in 2019 when she was almost 8 years old.

If you like opera—or even if you don't—hearing her vocal range of three octaves and voice control is impressive. When it comes to singing, control of your breath, pitch and tone can be difficult, especially when you're without years of classical training. Victory's skill is so impressive that when she appeared on America's Got Talent last year, she was given the "golden buzzer," which sends you straight to the finalist round in Hollywood.

Keep ReadingShow less

Brianna Greenfield makes nachos for her husband.

A viral video showing a woman preparing nachos for her "picky" spouse after he refused to eat the salmon dinner she cooked has sparked a contentious debate on TikTok. The video was shared on April 26 by Brianna Greenfield (@themamabrianna on TikTok) and has since earned over 2.5 million views.

Brianna is a mother of two who lives in Iowa.

The video starts with Brianna grating a massive hunk of cheese with a caption that reads: “My husband didn’t eat the dinner that I made…So let’s make him some nachos.”

“If I don’t feed him, he literally won’t eat,” she wrote. “This used to irritate me. Now I just blame his mother for never making him try salmon,” Greenfield wrote. The video features Meghan Trainor’s single “Mother” playing in the background.

Keep ReadingShow less
@miztermiller/TikTok

Now THAT'S a deal.

Let's be real—buying secondhand allows us to save a few bucks, which is great. But the real thrill is the possibility of snagging that ultra-rare, one-of-a-kind item that’s worth a bajillion times more than we originally paid for it. Yes, that kind of shopping is a lottery unto itself. But man, what a jackpot, should you win.

And of course, it’s not a totally far-fetched fantasy. Costly things get thrown out or donated all the time, ready to be procured at the nearby thrift store, garage sale…

…or, in this case, Facebook Marketplace.

Keep ReadingShow less