Student cries happy tears after a teacher reminds him that test scores aren't everything.
His mom cried when she read it, too.
Standardized testing was not the best day at school for most of us.
When you're a kid, kind words from a caring adult can make such a lasting impression.
Schools can have so much at stake with their testing results, they often inadvertently transfer that pressure onto the students.
That's exactly what happened to Indiana third-grader Rylan as he was gearing up for something most kids dread: standardized testing week.
His teacher, who has asked to remain anonymous, gave each of her students a letter and a cookie before the big test. The letter is touching, but it's the video of Rylan's reaction to it that really gets me (you'll see that at the end).
Whether you think the amount of testing being done in public schools is great or if you wish it were reduced dramatically, one thing we can all probably agree on is that it's important to not send kids the wrong message — that their entire worth is wrapped up in whatever score they get.
The need for kids to hear this stuff is real. School pressures are waaaayyy different from when most of us were kids.
I'll never forget when I drove my daughter home after results came in from a three-day marathon of fifth-grade testing. Usually she was bubbly and happy on days like these because she often got the highest score in her class and was proud of herself — she worked hard and did her best to beat her own scores and loved feeling like it was paying off.
This time she was salty. Her friend had bested her, and though she congratulated her sincerely and effusively, she couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment that her "winning" streak had been broken.
My daughter exercising her love of learning: on her way to Battle of the Books (L) and learning photography basics (R).
A lightbulb went off in my head. Her self-worth is all wrapped up in this, I realized. This is all she's ever known as a measure of who she is and where she ranks.
I pulled the car over and we had an instant talk because it was that important. My speech went something like this:
"You know that if you never achieved another thing in your entire life, you would still be loved and valued in our family just for who you are, right? It'd be disappointing if you stopped trying to reach your potential, but even if you did, we'd still love you.
Who you are isn't proven by your track record of achievements — it's the moments when you're sad but are kind to others anyway, when you have a good reason to be a jerk but you choose not to be, and it's when no one is looking and you don't have to be a good person but you are anyway.
You will achieve amazing things in your life, and I will always be happy for you when you do, but not because it's proving anything about who you are. I already know who you are."
I saw a lightbulb go off for her then too. I hope it was a pivotal moment in how she will orient herself when going after lofty goals throughout her life.
Here's Rylan and his mom talking about what it meant to get his teacher's letter.
Hearing and seeing Rylan's face and his mother's gratitude as they share the letter is all the proof we need — a little kindness can go a long way.
If you're not completely sure a kid in your life totally knows how to separate their test scores from their self-worth, this is a great thing to share with them right now.
This article originally appeared on 03.08.16
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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.