Imagine you're cooking dinner while your kid plays on the floor in the kitchen.
You open the oven door to peek at the casserole inside. Hmm ... wonder how it's coming along.
You boldly extend your index finger, completely unprotected, and stick it into the dish. Warm, but not quite there.
As you withdraw your finger, you accidentally make momentary contact with the blazing-hot glass baking dish. SEARING PAIN. Your nerve endings fire emergency signals to your brain. Retreat! Retreat!
Then the words come out: "Ow! Shit!!"
You pull out and slam the oven door shut, immediately bringing your scorched finger to your mouth for some reason. You turn around, and your 4-year-old is laughing maniacally, parroting you:
"Shit! Shit! Shit!"
Congratulations. You have ruined your child.
Just kidding. Mom and blogger Constance Hall recently had a similar experience, and you know what? She says it's no big deal.
In a viral Facebook post, Hall writes that her young son, Arlo, "has been dropping a few bombs," after overhearing her.
"Does it bother me?" she wrote. "Not much, meanness would bother me more."
She explains: Her son is getting to an age where he's going to copy his friends, no matter what she teaches him. Better that he learns to surround himself with good people than to adhere to a rule like "Never curse!"
"But what we can do is teach them how to recognise qualities that we respect. Point out, 'how kind was Charley lending you his drink bottle?' And 'did you see how Sam helped out that younger kid?' 'I love the way Sophia is always making funny jokes.'
So while it's important to say 'don't swear it's not cool' it's equally important to teach your kids to strive to find friends with similar moral codes to your family.
That way when they do ignore you and run off with their mates, they are in good hands, maybe cheeky ones, maybe sweary ones, but good ones none the less.
Because our house hold might be a sweary one, but it's a bloody kind one and it's full to the brim with love."
You can read the full post below:
I swear, no shit right. I even sometimes swear in front of my kids. I justify it to myself be saying I only ever swear...
Posted by Constance Hall on Wednesday, July 5, 2017
Hall raises a great point and science agrees: Swearing isn't inherently bad.
Yelling out the F-word when you stub your toe doesn't teach your kids much of anything. However, if they see you abusively yelling "F*ck you!" at someone who cuts you off in traffic, that's a different story.
You could even replace swearing with plenty of other behaviors considered to be "bad." Does your kid like to sleep in a little too much? Have too much of a sweet tooth?
OK. Maybe those are things to work on. Maybe not.
But remember that one of the best things you can do as a parent is to raise your children to be kind to others and to themselves.
It's not the only thing that matters, but it helps put all the other "shit" into perspective.
12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.