Experts share 5 ways to come out of a job interview rejection feeling like a winner

Look past negativity bias.

job interview, interview tips, rejection, coping skills, confidence
Job interview experts say there’s no reason to stay discouraged after a rejection.Photo credit: Canva

Job interviews can be equal parts anxiety-inducing and exciting. A new opportunity, and possibly a different future, can await. Then, after the interview, you check your inbox: “We regret to inform you…” “Unfortunately, while your qualifications were impressive…” “We’ve decided to go in another direction at this time.” Rejection after an interview can feel defeating. However, there are ways (and reasons) to feel like you’ve won anyway.

Several career experts and job search professionals spoke to Upworthy to share their advice on managing the emotions that come with job rejection. They also offered tips and data to boost your confidence and help you return to the job search feeling like a winner. Here are five of their recommendations.

1. Feel the feelings

“Give yourself permission to feel how you feel,” said career coach Dante Rosh. “If you’re feeling rejected, feel rejected. Acknowledge the feeling, but don’t allow yourself to sit in it too long. Put a timer on your pity party. This may sound like, ‘I’m going to feel bad for the rest of today, but tomorrow is a new day and I’m going to continue my search.’”

“Rejection after a job interview can be challenging, but the most important thing you can do is protect your mindset,” said Jasmine Escalera, a career expert for LiveCareer. “Take a moment to pause, breathe, and step away instead of rushing right back into applications. So many candidates push through without processing it, but giving yourself that space supports your mental and emotional health. And when you do that, you come back stronger, more grounded, and more resilient for the remainder of your search.”

2. Know that you aren’t alone, and that there will likely be many rejections before a “yes”

Ellen Raim, a former chief human resources officer turned career advisor, said the job market is difficult. She shared data showing that it can take 50 applications to get a job interview and 200 interviews to land a job. She encouraged new job seekers to keep going.

“In today’s market looking for a job is like being in sales. Good salespeople know they won’t close every deal,” said Raim. “On the hard days, remember: every effort you have made counts; you’re closer than you were yesterday. You have a great product. You will make the sale; keep going.”

“Rejection has a finite time frame,” said Lacey Kaelani, CEO of job search engine Metaintro. “According to our data, the average number of applications received for any position is in the approximate excess of over 250. Reaching the interview stage could mean that an applicant is in the top 2% of all applications. That in itself is a win.”

@selfmademillennial

You can still land jobs at companies who have rejected you in the job search. If you went through their hiring process, that means you have good skills and are compatible with the team, just the timing or role wasn’t quite right. So many of my clients land jobs at companies who once rejected them by using Job Shopping strategies. You can do this too! Don’t let these relationships go to waste. Follow for more! #jobsearch #jobtips #hiring #business #worklife #careercoach #jobmarket ♬ original sound – Madeline Mann

3. Reframe and redirect negative thoughts and rumination

“Reframe your negative thoughts,” said Rosh. “While we can’t always control what thoughts pop into our heads, we can control the power and energy we give them. Instead of accepting ‘I’m unhireable’ as fact, try reframing it. ‘My mind is telling me I’m unhireable and I’m working on not buying into that.’” 

Peter Franks, a former executive search firm headhunter who’s currently the editor at No Latency, said to focus on the facts of the situation rather than ruminate on the rejection.

“As humans, we’re naturally competitive and want to succeed,” said Franks. “Being rejected hurts our pride but it’s worth remembering that only one person can win any recruitment process. If you apply for a role and get invited for an interview, you’ve already beaten 80%+ of the market. If you make it to the second or third interview, you’ve probably surpassed 90% of the candidate pool.”

In short, if you don’t get a job offer after a third interview, you didn’t lose 0-1—you won 2-1. This reframing could lead to a 3-0 win in the future.

4. Write down what went right and what you learned 

Lucas Botzen, a human resources manager and CEO of Rivermate, recommended writing down three moments in which candidates felt confident, thoughtful, or had a strong rapport with the interviewer. Botzen said this shifts the focus from what could have gone wrong to what went right. He also recommended keeping a log after every interview.

“Write a skills success log for each interview,” Botzen said. “This is a log that should record not only what worked but also what [the interviewee] learned about themselves and their skills.”

Writing down what you did right helps you see the wins you’ve achieved and offset any feelings of loss.

5. Send a thank-you note to the interviewer for your own confidence

“After being rejected for a job, the best thing you can do is send the hiring manager a brief thank you note with a question about how you can improve your resume or skills to ‘hopefully’ land a job at that company one day,” said Kaelani. “You might end up receiving an answer that provides insight.”

While this advice is typically recommended as a courtesy, it’s not just about professionalism. It also allows you to get the last word.

“By sending a thank you note to the interviewer in which you reference an idea that you discussed during the interview, you are taking control of the situation,” added Botzen. “This gives you a sense of power and professionalism, even if the company decided to go in another direction.”

Rejection is common. While it hurts, these insights can help job seekers feel better, knowing that landing a job is not a question of “if,” but “when.”

  • British teacher flawlessly translates everyday sayings into Victorian English, and people are hooked
    A British teacher is showing how to speak in Victorian English, and people are loving it.Photo credit: Abram Elenin/Facebook
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    British teacher flawlessly translates everyday sayings into Victorian English, and people are hooked

    “‘My faculties have been exhausted by perpetual toil’ goes hard.”

    It’s hard to believe now, but communicating via the written word used to be a gigantic deal. Long before texting, social media, quick emails, or even short postcards, one of the only ways people could communicate across space and time was by writing long letters.

    The 18th century is considered by some to be the peak of the Golden Age of letter writing. It was a key element of education for people wealthy enough to receive one, and it was incredibly important: business was conducted via handwritten letters, love was declared, and new introductions were made.

    It was crucial, then, to choose your words extremely carefully. This was especially true in and around the Victorian Era in England, roughly between 1820 and 1914.

    Victorian-era translations of everyday sayings

    An English teacher from the United Kingdom has been delighting followers with Victorian-era translations of everyday sayings.

    Abram Elenin runs Berber English, where he says, “I help professionals master British English… and communicate more effectively.”

    He also likes to have a little fun with his work as a linguistics expert and accent coach. In a wildly popular series of Instagram Reels, he performs “tiered” translations of common phrases, transforming them into increasingly formal variations. Victorian English is usually the final resting point and comedic punchline.

    In one popular video, “I’m burnt out” becomes “I’m entirely depleted” in formal English, and “I have been worked to the very marrow” in gentlemanly English.

    But Victorian English, the age of beautiful if long-winded novels like Great Expectations and Jane Eyre, takes the cake: “Where to begin, for my faculties have been exhausted by perpetual toil, and incessant application has so stripped me of vitality that I am scarcely able to summon the strength requisite for the smallest effort.”

    In another Reel, “I’m poor” becomes “I find myself in a precarious financial position,” and finally:

    “It is with no small measure of affliction that I acknowledge my fortunes to be sadly diminished, my purse exhausted, and my station reduced to one of grievous penury, such that I find myself abandoned to the stern tutelage of want, the harshest master to which mankind is ever subject.”

    It just sounds so much better that way. Can’t you just hear Moira Rose from Schitt’s Creek saying that?

    Videos go viral

    Elenin’s videos have reached millions of viewers worldwide, helping them gain a greater appreciation for Victorian-era English and language more broadly.

    “‘My faculties have been exhausted by perpetual toil’ goes hard,” one Facebook commenter notes.

    “Gonna use Victorian for my essays now,” someone says on Instagram.

    “I just love listening to you saying these things,” adds another.

    A few brave commenters tried writing their own Victorian-style passages, but it’s really a job best left to the pros, like Elenin.

    Why the language died out

    This gorgeous, verbose style of language unfortunately faded as literacy rates climbed and the written word became more commonplace.

    However, letter writing was still commonly practiced until the telephone became a major part of everyday life in the early 1900s.

    Early phonograph recordings from the late 1800s offer some of our only glimpses into what people in the Victorian era actually sounded like. Though their conversations are less flowery and long-winded than their writing, they still stand in stark contrast to casual conversation today.

    While it’s a little sad for those who appreciate language that this kind of prose is mostly extinct, there is some good news: letter writing is making a comeback. As people grow weary of screens and impersonal digital communication, the trusty pen and paper are experiencing a much-needed revival.

    Maybe now is the perfect time to brush up on your Victorian English, or at least take some inspiration from the way they could make anything sound interesting or profound.

  • Harvard linguist shares the etymology of the word ‘girl’ and how it evolved into a gendered term
    A group of girls laugh together at school.Photo credit: Canva

    The word “girl” evokes the thought of a female child, while “boy” conjures the thought of a male child. This is true for most people, regardless of their country of origin. But according to Harvard University linguist Sunn m’Cheaux, the word “girl” was originally considered gender-neutral.

    What sparked the revelation was a video showing a woman calling her male friend “girl” during a conversation. The short, seemingly amusing clip sparked a firestorm of comments from men who found the unintentional gaffe insulting. Some men viewed the term as emasculating, while women claimed it was gender-neutral.

    girl, girl etymology, gender neutral, boy, linguist
    Children sitting with their teacher. Photo credit: Canva

    Sunn m’Cheaux originally added his voice by pointing out that when women use the term with men, it reflects a closeness in the friendship.

    “Quick FYI: If you’re in a conversation with a Black woman who inadvertently calls you ‘girl,’ do not get offended. She is not ‘emasculating you’—she’s comfortable with you,” the language expert says in a TikTok video, as women in the comments agree.

    After seeing comments saying that women simply didn’t know the etymology of the word, m’Cheaux jumped back in to break things down. The confusion, he explains, is that the once gender-neutral term became gendered, losing its original meaning. In a follow-up video posted to his social media pages, he explains the etymology of “girl” for naysayers.

    @sunnmcheaux

    Replying to @scope3944 IF YOUR BLACK HG SLIPS & CALLS YOU “GURL!” #education #linguistics #sociolinguistics #aave #weoutchea

    ♬ original sound – Sunn m’Cheaux 🦔

    “The good news is, if you think that most of the women and girls who inadvertently call y’all ‘girl’ don’t actually know the etymology of the word ‘girl,’ you’re probably right,” the linguist says. “Most English speakers don’t know the etymology of the word ‘girl.’ But see, that’s where the bad news comes in for you. You see, the word ‘girl’ was originally gender-neutral. That’s right. For centuries, the word ‘girl’ simply meant a child of either sex.”

    girl, girl etymology, gender neutral, boy, linguist
    A mom plays with her baby. Photo credit: Canva

    He further explains that male children were called “knave girls,” distinguishing them from female children. The word “boy,” on the other hand, originally meant servant. This gender-neutral usage didn’t stop with “girl”—he adds that “man” was also used for both sexes.

    “To distinguish a human female from a human male, that would be a ‘wifman’ for a female,” m’Cheaux explains. “Later, the term ‘wife’ would mean the companion of a man, but you actually didn’t originally have to be the companion of a man to be a ‘wife.’”

    In the video, he also addresses the terms “midwife” and “gossip,” explaining how they became associated with women. He impressed viewers with the impromptu etymology lesson.

    One person writes, “I feel like I just attended a really great lecture and I should probably rewatch and take notes! So much info!”

    Another says, “Oh, how I love these etymology breakdowns!!! So much fun learning how words/language evolve! But I’ont think anybody does this as well as you do.”

    girl, girl etymology, gender neutral, boy, linguist
    Women laughing together. Photo credit: Canva

    “You’ll have to start charging for these seminars. That was at least one credit’s worth of knowledge!” Someone else chimes in.

    “I love this! May I use this in my class when we talk of pronouns and how they have evolved?” an eager professor shares. “Some of my future journalists are battling they/them conundrums outside our Emerson bubble. I’d love to add this to the conversation.”

    “Sir, you make my brain hurt in the best possible way. Appreciate you,” another person notes.

  • 10 signs you’re a quiet introvert in group chats, according to psychology
    Are you an introvert who struggles with group chats? Photo credit: Canva
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    10 signs you’re a quiet introvert in group chats, according to psychology

    The science behind people who read everything but say nothing.

    You open your phone to a group chat flooded with 47 unread messages. Instantly, anxiety hits. By the time you compose a thoughtful reply, the conversation has rushed three topics ahead. The moment is lost. You close the app, feeling left out.

    If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Introverts make up one-third to one-half of the population, but our conversation norms—both online and off—are designed for extroverts.

    Susan Cain, author of the bestselling book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, calls this phenomenon the “New Groupthink.” It’s a culture that favors constant collaboration and rapid-fire replies over stillness and deep thought. We live in a world that measures contribution by the number of messages sent, and it’s easy to feel like you’re falling behind when you go silent.

    But what if this isn’t about falling behind? What if silence is just a different way of engaging? If you’ve ever wondered why you go quiet in group chats, consider these 10 signs you might be an introvert.

    1. You process before you share

    While extroverts type as they think, introverts think before they type. When forming their responses, introverts rely more on long-term memory than working memory—the brain’s active workspace where information is juggled and processed in real time. Extroverts might talk through ideas out loud; introverts process information through slower, deeper neural pathways designed for accuracy and nuance.

    texting, group, chats, introverts, psychology
    Unlike their extroverted counterparts, introverts take time to think about their responses before firing off a text. Photo credit: Canva

    As Cain describes in her book, introverts “listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation.”

    In a group chat setting, this internal processing means you might mentally prepare a response, revise it, overthink the timing (can’t be too quick or too slow, right?), and then decide the conversation has already moved on without you. The perfect response you crafted vanishes before you hit send.

    2. Surface-level banter drains you

    For introverts, not all conversations are created equal. You might find endless small talk, quick memes, and emoji reactions tiresome, and yearn for messages with more substance. That’s because introverts crave depth—a meaningful exchange that explores an idea, a feeling, or a genuine problem.

    @thewadeempire

    How would you react in this situation? I already interact too much with some of my coworkers on a daily basis so please leave me out the group chat. Thanks #groupchat #introverts #workgossip

    ♬ original sound – TheWadeEmpire

    Research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that serious conversations are more enjoyable than people expect, yet we consistently underestimate others’ interest in them. For introverts, this inclination toward depth isn’t a personality quirk—it’s a fundamental part of how they communicate.

    3. You observe everything

    If you’re quiet in the group chat, it doesn’t mean you’re not paying attention. Introverts are sharp readers of context: they notice shifts in tone, track emotional undercurrents, and pick up on what’s not being said as much as what is. This ability to observe and accurately synthesize group dynamics is one of the most underappreciated traits in online communication.

    group, chats, introverts, communication, context
    Introverts are sharp readers of context—everything that’s not being said. Photo credit: Canva

    Psychologist Daniel Goleman found that empathy is a core component of emotional intelligence, and that quiet people often exhibit greater empathy because they listen more deeply. So while you may not be contributing messages to the group chat, you’re still playing an active role—picking up on subtle cues, like a shift in someone’s tone.

    4. Group chats drain your social battery

    Group chats require a lot of mental and social energy as you process multiple conversations, competing personalities, shifting group dynamics, and implicit social cues all at once. That’s an enormous cognitive load, especially compared to one-on-one conversations, where your focus can be directed toward a single person without all the noise.

    If you feel overwhelmed, muting the chat might not be a bad idea. You need to manage—and maintain—your energy well.

    5. You refuse to break the silence with noise

    You won’t send a message just to be seen. While some group chat members are happy to drop a fire emoji or send an “lol” to stay visible, introverts tend to hold back unless they have something substantial to contribute. They’re committed to authentic communication.

    introverts, texting, conversation, group, chats
    Introverts are intentional with their messages. Photo credit: Canva

    Blake Griffin Edwards, a licensed marriage and family therapist, explains it this way: “Introverts must think it out before they are able to talk it out very well.”

    As a result, your communication style is built on intention rather than impulse. You may send fewer messages, but when you do, they’re more meaningful.

    6. Group chats can feel overwhelming, even for good writers

    Here’s a paradox many introverts recognize: writing often feels more natural than speaking. Text removes the social pressure of real-time performance, giving you space to choose your words carefully. Yet despite being text-based, group chats can still trigger overstimulation.

    @kisama_

    For the people who always get cut off in group conversations 🗣️ #introvert #publicspeaking #motivation

    ♬ original sound – Ki$ama

    The problem lies with pace. A group chat doesn’t move at the same speed as a thoughtful email chain or a journal entry. It’s fast and unpredictable—like a live conversation—which creates the same timing pressures introverts face in verbal group settings. Hans Eysenck’s foundational theory of introversion suggests that introverts have a higher baseline level of cortical arousal, meaning they reach sensory overload faster than extroverts when external stimulation—like a flood of notifications—keeps escalating.

    7. You tune into how others are feeling

    You’re not just reading the words in a thread—you’re reading between the lines. As an introvert, you probably notice delicate emotional shifts, like a person’s messages becoming shorter, a joke that falls flat, or silence from someone who’s usually chatty. This emotional sensitivity is a strength, but it can also make group chats feel more burdensome than expected.

    emotional, texting, group, chats, introverts
    Emotional sensitivity can feel like a burden in group chats. Photo credit: Canva

    In The Mirror, Katie Oborn observed that introverts “pick up on unspoken emotions and subtle shifts in conversation and tone.” That level of awareness means introverts are often the first to notice when something is off.

    8. You don’t bend to the pressure to perform

    Group chats carry an implicit social pressure: respond quickly, be entertaining, stay visible. For emotionally independent introverts, that pressure can feel crushing. People who resist the pull to perform in group settings often have a strong internal compass about what matters to them and why. They won’t chime in for the sake of it, and they won’t be dragged into drama just because the group demands a response.

    9. Constant notifications break your focus

    For introverts, great thinking often happens when you’re alone. There’s research to support this: studies consistently link solitude to improved emotional regulation, creativity, and decision-making. When a group chat keeps pinging you—interrupting a reading session, the workday, or a quiet moment—it fragments the kind of deep focus and flow state introverts depend on.

    texting, group, chats, messages, interruptions
    A woman looking at her phone, concerned. Photo credit: Canva

    Studies from Microsoft Research confirm that instant message notifications slow task performance and make it more likely you’ll lose your train of thought. For introverts, who need more time to process information, these interruptions can be even more costly. The “ping” of a phone notification can disrupt deep focus.

    10. You engage on your own terms

    Introverts often contribute based on sincerity and trust rather than social obligation. When they do speak up, they usually bring something worth reading.

    Scroll through your messages, and you might notice a pattern—either in yourself or in your introverted friends. Long periods of silence often lead to a single, valuable message that adds meaning to the conversation. That’s what strategic participation looks like: waiting for the right moment, then contributing something meaningful.

    Embracing your strength

    For introverts, hanging back and staying quiet in a group chat isn’t withdrawal. It’s a form of meaningful participation that favors observation, thoughtful processing, and intentional engagement over simply making noise.

    If you recognize these signs in yourself and want to start engaging more on your own terms, these small shifts can help:

    • Try preparing your thoughts before or at the start of a lively group conversation.
    • Remember, writing is your natural way in. A thoughtfully crafted message at the right moment can carry more weight than a dozen impulsive replies.
    • Feel free to set notification boundaries without guilt.
    • When you’re ready to chime in, trust your timing and insight.

    As Susan Cain reminds us, being the loudest in the chat doesn’t mean having the best ideas. The quietest voice may actually be paying the closest attention—and when their words are shared deliberately, they can shift the entire conversation.

  • Professional speaker explains how voice messages can improve public speaking skills
    Hit record, listen back, and learn.Photo credit: Canva

    Many people are looking to improve their public speaking skills, whether for work or to feel more comfortable in social situations. While taking classes and getting advice from speech coaches can help, some people have difficulty finding either the money or the time to access professional help. But one speech expert believes you can significantly improve your verbal communication skills just by using your phone.

    In a YouTube video, communication professional and speaker Vinh Giang offers a daily exercise that can help improve public speaking: sending voice messages instead of texts. Giang notes that one benefit of texting is being able to review a message before sending it to fix potential communication issues or miscues—and argues that you can do the same with voice messages.

    Recording a voice message lets you hear yourself in a low-stakes situation, with the option to re-record again and again if necessary. Each time you listen back, you can pick up on your volume, speed, clarity, and word choice and be more mindful in the next one. You’ll be able to see (well, technically hear) where you’re lacking and what to improve, whether that means fixing an issue right away or identifying exactly what you need to work on in your speech.

    Speech professionals agree voice notes help improve speaking abilities

    Other professionals in public speaking and speech therapy spoke to Upworthy about voice messages and how they can help people improve their speaking skills.

    “In the speech therapy world, the process of using voice messaging to improve public speaking would be considered a method called self-monitoring through biofeedback,” said speech pathology expert Ryann Sutera. “Rehearsing running speech through the use of recordings can help assess intelligibility, rate of speech, and word choice.”

    “Using voice memos as a low-stakes tactic to improve communication and public speaking skills is something we find helps prep our clients for media opportunities,” said public relations director Lauren Guess. “Most of our clients are on the go, and sending a voice memo back in response to the reporter’s question is a great practice for creating usable, digestible sound bites.”

    Guess said voice messages not only help communication with media outlets, but also help refine clients’ public speaking skills and sharpen their talking points.

    “We prefer this approach because we find it quickly strengthens confidence in speaking on their subject matter and enhances their ability to nail their key messages, compared to submitting quotes via email or text,” Guess said.

    Whether you want to improve your public speaking for professional reasons, like giving a presentation at work or running for political office, or to get better at conversations and connecting with friends, it might be worth recording a voice note instead of talking through your fingertips.

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