Hostage negotiator shares her 5 keys to resolving conflict in our everyday lives

Karleen Savage is also a mother of 7, so conflict resolution is definitely her specialty.

Apr 20, 2026

Photo credit: Canva – Conflict happens. How we resolve it matters.

As much as we might wish people could always get along peacefully, the reality is that we don’t. Human dynamics are complex and rife with opportunities for conflict. How we handle that conflict can mean the difference between thriving or struggling relationships, cordial or contentious workplaces, and healthy or dysfunctional households. Being able to defuse and resolve conflict might just be one of the most important life skills for us to learn.

And who better to learn conflict resolution from than a hostage negotiator who also happens to be a mother of seven and wife of three decades? In addition to managing a large family, Karleen Savage has a master’s degree in conflict resolution and negotiations and is a certified hostage and crisis negotiator. Her experiences led her to create the “Savage Theory of Resolution,” a five-skills model to resolve any conflict.

She explains the basis for these five skills in her TEDx Talk:

“When you’re in an argument with your spouse or with your teenager, there’s no backup SWAT team standing by to help,” Savage said. “It’s just you, and that means the stakes are as high as they can get.”

She noticed in her work that poor decisions often stood in the way of people getting what they wanted. She also saw how the skills professional negotiators use could “miraculously move people from rigid to resolved.” In exploring the question of whether normal people could use those professional skills in their own everyday lives, Savage created her five-skill framework: Curiosity, Attitude, Master Listening, Connection, and Reframing.

Curiosity

Savage focused her TEDx Talk on this skill because it unites all the others and is key to resolving conflict. It’s also not an intuitive skill to tap into when we are in conflict and feel insistent that we are in the right.

Curiosity involves asking questions. She challenges people to experiment with asking someone questions for 15 minutes without any prompts or responses, just letting them answer. She also invites people to think of a conflict they had with someone and ask themselves these three questions, which reflect what negotiators in high-stakes situations strive for:

Did you allow them to have their own story independent of yours?

Were you willing to hear their story without the emotional or verbal backlash that we are so good at?

Did you allow their story to become part of the solution?

Savage shares on her website that curiosity “encourages individuals to ask insightful questions that help uncover the underlying motivations and thought processes of others” and “paves the way for open, constructive dialogue.”

Though her talk focused primarily on the role of curiosity, the other four skills are vital for successfully resolving conflict:

Attitude

How we look at a conflict and the mindset we bring to it make a big difference.

“The best attitude you can bring to any fight is to be fully present, but not take on the burden of solving others’ problems,” she wrote. “Maintaining a supportive and empathetic attitude is crucial for effective conflict resolution.”

conflict, resolution, listening — Listening well is a key element of conflict resolution. Photo credit: Canva

Master Listening

Savage acknowledges that it can feel overwhelming and frustrating to be on the receiving end of accusations in an argument, but that they can be navigated with clarity and control through effective listening.

“Listening is more than just hearing words—it’s about fully understanding the intent and emotions behind those words,” Savage wrote. “Master listening involves being fully attentive and responsive, ensuring diffusion and clear points of thought.”

Connection

Savage notes that the key to resolving conflict often lies in creating a sense of connection, making sure that both sides feel heard and understood:

“Connection is the ability to create mutual understanding between conflicting parties. It’s about using phrases that express empathy and checking that both sides are on the same page. This helps build rapport and trust, making it easier to find common ground.”

puzzle pieces, connection, conflict resolution — Finding points of connection helps resolve conflict. Photo credit: Canva

Reframing

Even difficult arguments can be opportunities when you reframe the conflict as such, according to Savage:

“After navigating through the other skills, reframing is the process of presenting all the information in a way that highlights truth, options, and solutions. It’s about shifting the conversation from conflict to collaboration, allowing both parties to focus on actionable outcomes.”

If these skills can be used to negotiate hostage situations and defuse high-level, high-stakes conflict, surely they can be utilized when we have disagreements with people in our everyday lives.

You can find more from Karleen Savage on her website here.

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Homeowners celebrate the completion of their new home in Cambodia's Siem Reap Province alongside Habitat for Humanity volunteers and staff.

Culture, Family

A safe, stable home can change lives for the better. Here’s how Habitat for Humanity wants to make that possible for everyone.

Better health, better jobs, and a brighter future all start with access to a safe, affordable home.

Sarah Watts

3/25/2026
A single door can open up a world of endless possibilities. For homeowners, the front door of their house is a gateway to financial stability, job security, and better health. Yet for many, that door remains closed. Due to the rising costs of housing, 1 in 3 people around the world wake up without the security of safe, affordable housing.

Since 1976, Habitat for Humanity has made it their mission to unlock and open the door to opportunity for families everywhere, and their efforts have paid off in a big way. Through their work over the past 50 years, more than 65 million people have gained access to new or improved housing, and the movement continues to gain momentum. Since 2011 alone, Habitat for Humanity has expanded access to affordable housing by a hundredfold.

A world where everyone has access to a decent home is becoming a reality, but there’s still much to do. As they celebrate 50 years of building, Habitat for Humanity is inviting people of all backgrounds and talents to be part of what comes next through Let’s Open the Door, a global campaign that builds on this momentum and encourages people everywhere to help expand access to safe, affordable housing for those who need it most. Here’s how the foundation to a better world starts with housing, and how everyone can pitch in to make it happen.

Volunteers raise a wall for the framework of a new home during the first day of building at Habitat for Humanity’s 2025 Carter Work Project.

Globally, almost 3 billion people, including 1 in 6 U.S. families, struggle with high costs and other challenges related to housing. A crisis in itself, this also creates larger problems that affect families and communities in unexpected ways. People who lack affordable, stable housing are also more likely to experience financial hardship in other areas of their lives, since a larger share of their income often goes toward rent, utilities, and frequent moves. They are also more likely to experience health problems due to chronic stress or environmental factors, such as mold. Housing insecurity also goes hand-in-hand with unstable employment, since people may need to move further from their jobs or switch jobs altogether to offset the cost of housing.

Affordable homeownership creates a stable foundation for families to thrive, reducing stress and increasing the likelihood for good health and stable employment. Habitat for Humanity builds and repairs homes with individual families, but it also strengthens entire communities as well. The MicroBuild® Initiative, for example, strengthens communities by increasing access to loans for low-income families seeking to build or repair their homes. Habitat ReStore locations provide affordable appliances and building materials to local communities, in addition to creating job and volunteer opportunities that support neighborhood growth.

Marsha and her son pose for a photo while building their future home with Southern Crescent Habitat for Humanity in Georgia.

Everyone can play a part in the fight for housing equity and the pursuit of a better world. Over the past 50 years, Habitat for Humanity has become a leader in global housing thanks to an engaged network of volunteers—but you don’t need to be skilled with a hammer to make a meaningful impact. Building an equitable future means calling on a wide range of people and talents.

Here’s how you can get involved in the global housing movement:
- Speaking up on social media about the growing housing crisis
- Volunteering on a Habitat for Humanity build in your local community
- Travel and build with Habitat in the U.S. or in one of 60+ countries where we work around the globe
- Join the Let’s Open the Door movement and, when you donate, you can create your own personalized door
- Shop or donate at your local Habitat ReStore
Every action, big and small, drives a global movement toward a better future. A safe home unlocks opportunity for families and communities alike, but it’s volunteers and other supporters, working together with a shared vision, who can open the door for everyone.

Visit habitat.org/open-door to learn more and get involved today.
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Photo credit: Canva – Getting a job after college is difficult, but achievable.

Communication, Skills

Career expert says college students who are finding jobs are doing these 5 things

Doing the work can help you get the job.

Erik Barnes

4/16/2026
College students and recent graduates are entering a very difficult job market. For some, getting an interview can feel like an impossible feat, let alone getting a position. It’s not hopeless, though. In fact, career advisor Gorick Ng not only knows young college grads who have landed jobs, but also how they did it.

Ng gave some solid advice and shared the things college students did that helped them successfully land a job shortly after earning their diploma. Here are the ways those grads got their careers started:

1. Start your career training while you’re still a student

The earlier you’re on your career track, the better off you’ll be once you graduate. That said, it’s not too late to start, even if you’re a senior. Including extracurricular activities and volunteer work on your resume can help strengthen your candidacy as a new hire.

While it can be great to include activities and titles relevant to the job itself (such as being president of the coding club for software development positions), other extracurricular activities can also be included if they demonstrate leadership and planning skills (such as being a tutor or leading a party planning committee).

Listing the skills you’ve learned at internships and part-time positions helps you stand out as well. Speaking of which…

2. Know the timelines for the jobs and internships you want

While the summer is typically when internships are available, many applications need to be submitted months in advance. Some are even available year-round. It’s best to do your research to understand the recruitment timelines for internships and student jobs. Applying for and getting these positions can boost your resume when you search for full-time work.

Even if you don’t get the internship, the process of applying and interviewing can be good practice when you apply for a full-time position. It’s also an opportunity to become a familiar face and make connections.

3. Expand your network beyond your peers, and stay in touch

While you’ll make connections with other people in your major who could help you, it’s very likely that you and your immediate peers are applying for the same pool of jobs. To get an edge or a job lead, it can be helpful to reach out and develop relationships beyond your current sphere.

Become friends with older students who graduate in your chosen field. This can allow you to stay in touch with someone already in your industry who could get a job and possibly recommend you for a role once you’ve graduated. Creating and maintaining relationships with college professors or speakers in your field can also create opportunities later. Even approaching those who interviewed you for a position or internship you didn’t get can be a good connection, depending on how well the process went.

While these relationships are professional in nature, it’s important to nurture them as genuine relationships, not transactions. Leading with curiosity about them, their professional lives, and the like will help you create long-lasting allies who have a connection to the field you want to be part of. They may also be willing to act as a reference on your behalf.

4. Submit your resume within 24 hours of a job posting

Applying for a job is easier, which is a wonderful problem to have. With AI-based applications and one-button resume submissions, it has become more difficult for qualified applicants to be seen by recruiters. There is also the problem of ghost jobs clogging up job searches with positions that are either already filled or don’t exist.

With this in mind, it’s best to submit a job application within 24 hours of a posting. This can ensure your resume is near the top of the stack. You can also ask your network if there are email newsletters to subscribe to within your chosen industry. This could alert you to positions before they’re posted online.

If there is a specific company you wish to work for, check its website regularly. Applying through its official website usually gets your resume seen before applications through third-party postings.

There are also some hacks for job search websites like LinkedIn. They can help you winnow down your search to job postings listed within an hour of posting.

5. Display competence, commitment, and compatibility

Ng says that whether it’s a networking contact, recruiter, or potential employer, people want three “yeses” to the following questions:
- “Can this person do the job well?”
- “Is this person excited to be here?”
- “Do I get along with this person?”
Ng sums this up by saying a college student needs to demonstrate the “3 Cs”: competence, commitment, and compatibility.

By showing competence through a resume, commitment through conversation, and compatibility through the professional contacts you retain, you can show an employer that you know what you’re doing, are eager to demonstrate your abilities, and can be molded into what they need.
Keep Reading →
Photo credit: Canva – Interviewers ask about resume gaps for a different reason than you may think.

Communication, Skills

Career coach reveals the reassuring reason job interviewers ask about gaps in resumes

The question isn’t as scary as most people think.

Erik Barnes

4/9/2026
Job interviews can be stressful for even the most prepared job seekers. For some, one common question adds to the pressure: “Can you explain this gap in your resume?”

Panic can easily set in. “What if they don’t understand how I lost my last job?” “What if being a homemaker for those years hurts my chances?” Many other questions can run through your head.

Anna Papalia, a career coach, says the gap-in-resume question is usually asked for a different reason than most interviewees think.

@anna..papalia
⬇️ Employers do—and should—care about large gaps in employment. Since they invest major time and resources in screening, onboarding, and training new employees, companies must be selective about who they hire. 📄A resume gap could signal you had trouble finding a new job after a job loss, or that you have difficulty making a commitment. They may wonder what you were doing while unemployed and whether you’re trying to hide something. If you have gaps in your resume, hiring managers want to know the “why” behind that period of unemployment. 🚨More importantly, they want to be sure your absence from the workforce doesn’t imply behavioral patterns or attitudes that might make you a risky hire. 🧐What is considered a big gap in employment? According to Indeed.com, any break over six months is considered significant. ➡️How to answer “Why is there a gap on your resume?” 🔵 Be honest. It can be tempting to conceal gaps in your work history when you’re trying to present yourself in the best light possible to employers. But lying on your resume is never a good idea. Since they review so many of them, hiring managers are skilled at spotting inconsistencies and other red flags on resumes. Most verify work history and may even perform background checks. If you’re untruthful about employment dates, it’s likely you’ll be found out eventually—and you could even lose your job over it. Honesty is always the best option. 🔵 Explain employment gaps in your cover letter. In general, there’s no dedicated place on your resume to detail the reasons you were out of work for an extended period. This is where your cover letter comes in handy. Address resume gaps proactively by calling them out in your cover letter. Summarize the reasons for your hiatus—one or two straightforward sentences will do. Don’t get too wordy, since you want to keep the focus on your relevant experience and attributes and why you’re the right choice for the job. extra hard to illustrate the value you bring to a potential employer. 🔵 Highlight what you did accomplish while out of work. You may have been out of the workforce for a bit—but that doesn’t mean you sat around twiddling your thumbs. If you took on any unpaid roles or noteworthy projects during that period, be sure to say so on your resume. This shows you stayed active and engaged even though you weren’t formally in the workplace. Volunteer or caregiver roles should be listed on your resume just like a paying job. Any degrees completed or courses taken can be noted in the Education section of your resume. 📌For example: ◦ You volunteered for your community food bank. ◦ You went back to finish your degree. ◦ You brushed up on your technology skills by taking a course. ◦ You were the sole caregiver to an ailing family member. ◦ You pursued a side project important to you. ◦ You traveled extensively and explored new cultures. • 🎯Consider any transferable skills or perspectives you gained and how they make you a stronger candidate for the job. For instance, maybe you came up with a successful fundraising idea for a charity you volunteer for. Or you managed the event committee at your church and gained valuable leadership skills. Don’t hesitate to think outside of the box! #interview #howtoanswerinterviewquestions #resume #jobsearch #careertips #unemployed
♬ original sound – Anna Papalia

In a TikTok video, Papalia explains that hiring managers are primarily asking this question to weed out candidates who don’t need a job.

“I know it sounds ridiculous, but they want to verify that you’re not just quitting every time you get frustrated,” she says.

Papalia says the interviewer wants to make sure the person wouldn’t just leave the job because they have a trust fund or a wealthy family member to fall back on. It’s to ensure the interviewee wants or needs the job, so they can say, “Great! We need a reliable person who needs a job, so this works out.”

Gaps in a person’s resume and career have become more common. It’s very likely that the interviewer has spoken with several candidates who have career gaps. They may have had one or two gaps on their own resume as well. So the stigma of having a gap in a resume is less of a red flag than in previous years.

How to answer “Can you explain this gap in your resume?”

While the insight Papalia provides may calm some fears, many may still wonder how to answer the resume gap question. Having an answer prepared ahead of time is still recommended. There are many reasons for gaps in a resume, but there are also some guidelines career experts recommend.

Keep it short and honest

No matter the reason for a gap in your resume, it’s better for both the interviewer and the job seeker not to dwell on it. For one, the interviewer doesn’t want or need your life story, and a detailed answer could be too personal. Secondly, the interviewee wouldn’t want to waste the limited time in the interview instead of focusing on what they can bring to the role, the job description, and the company environment.

Give a brief explanation—one or two sentences that get to the point. The best answers don’t go into unnecessary detail or leave room for second-guessing. Here are some common reasons for career gaps and stronger ways to respond:
- Don’t: “I was laid off because…”
- Do: “Unfortunately, I was affected by the company’s restructuring, and my role was eliminated.”
- Don’t: “I wasn’t working because I was a full-time parent/caregiver and now I need a job.”
- Do: “I took time away from my career to care for my young children/family member.”
- Don’t: “I was fired but it wasn’t my fault because…”
- Do: “I learned a lot in my last role, but it turned out to be challenging in unique ways and it wasn’t a good fit. While it didn’t work out, it was a good experience and taught me to be careful of the next role I accept.”
There may be different reasons, but overall, the advice is to keep it brief, impersonal, and focused on the positives.

Redirect the conversation to what you can offer

Another reason to keep your explanation short is to allow you to shift the focus from what happened then to what you can offer now. After your one- to two-sentence answer, spend most of your time discussing why you’re excited about the role you’re interviewing for. If it applies, share any relevant classes or certifications you acquired during your time away from full-time employment.

If you did any freelance or volunteer work during that time away, bring it up. It shows the interviewer you’ve been proactive and preparing for a full-time position rather than sitting around. It can be especially helpful if the work is relevant to the role.

Redirecting the focus to the job itself shifts the conversation back to the role rather than why you didn’t have one.

Remove the gap in the first place

Another way to answer, “Can you explain this gap in your resume?” is to remove the question entirely. Simply include a section explaining why you weren’t working during that time frame. Much like with a verbal answer, it can be brief and avoid personal details.

“Family care leave” is a valid answer. It can apply to childcare, caring for a sick loved one, or even yourself. Just be sure to make it clear that you’re ready and motivated to get back to full-time work.

@greglangstaff
Even if you were taking care of yourself… you’re a part of your family so it’s still family care leave. Also, sharing our own health issues or other challenges can activate biases in the hiring managers. We do not need to share details. ANOTHER IMPORTANT TIP: you don’t need to explain every gap. I usually say that if it’s more than a year ago or less than a year, just leave it be. #resume #cv #career #jobsearch #learnontiktok #greenscreen
♬ original sound – Greg L. – Career Coach 🤓

Gaps in employment that are under six months usually don’t require an explanation. That said, you should still have an answer prepared if your resume includes multiple short gaps.

Eliminating those gaps preempts the question, and most interviewers will respect your privacy. It also reinforces that you’re proactive and intentional in your job search.

Those searching for work should mind the gaps, but there’s little reason to feel too tripped up about them.
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Photo credit: Canva – Awkward lulls happen, but there are ways to minimize them.

Communication, Skills

3 conversation hacks to avoid the awkwardness of having nothing to say

“Good conversations aren’t about charm or confidence.”

Annie Reneau

4/7/2026

Unless you are a particularly skilled conversationalist, chances are you’ve experienced a dreaded awkward lull when talking to someone. What do you do when a conversation comes to a grinding halt because you’ve run out of things to say and are blanking on a new topic?

For folks who struggle with social anxiety, an awkward silence in a conversation rings like a death knell. Strategies for avoiding those moments feel like both cheat codes and life preservers, which is why people are loving the three tips for never running out of things to say shared by Smartish Stuff.

“Being good at conversations isn’t about being confident,” the video states. “It’s about skill. And like any other skill, from playing an instrument to writing well, it can be learned.”

Here are three things to do when you don’t know what to say:

1. Ask intentional questions

At their core, conversations are a back-and-forth of questions and answers and related statements. Mastering the questions part gives you a lot more control over how the conversation goes.

when there's an awkward lull in the conversation and u try to think of any conversation starter pic.twitter.com/dLkvegEHQh
— buffysummere.bsky.social (@buffysummere) June 20, 2016

The example given in the video is someone saying, “I went golfing over the weekend.” How do you respond?

You might say, “Oh, that’s cool.” But that’s where the conversation dies.

Instead, you can ask questions like, “Where do you usually play?” or “How long have you been playing? Do you play competitively?”

“Even if you don’t care about golf, this shows genuine interest or at least creates the feeling of interest,” the video points out. “It also keeps the conversation alive and gives you control to guide it wherever you want.”

2. Listen more than you speak

It might seem logical that talking more will make you a better talker. But in reality, the best conversationalists are skilled listeners.

“Not the fake kind of listening where you’re just waiting for your turn to talk, but active listening,” the video says. “That means paying full attention, not preparing your next line in your head. Because when you do that, you often miss the point completely and end up saying something random or off topic.”

Saying something random because you weren’t really listening is just as mortifying as awkward silence, so active listening is an important skill to master. It also ties into the asking intentional questions tip. As the video states:

“Active listening gives you real material to work with. You’ll pick up details, emotions, or small clues that lead to better follow-up questions. That’s how you keep the flow going, not through clever lines, but through genuine attention. There’s a quote that sums this up perfectly. Most people don’t listen with the intent to understand. They listen with the intent to reply. Don’t be that person. The world has enough of them already.”

Easier said than done when you’re stressed about what to say, but just remember that keeping the focus on really listening will actually give you more to talk about.

Active listening means not trying to think of what you’re going to say next. Photo credit: Canva

3. Find common ground

Sharing interests, experiences, values, tastes in music or food, etc. can help us connect with people quickly. But how do we determine what we might have in common with a person we’re just striking up a conversation with?

The answer to that question will depend on the specific conversation, of course. But employing the first two tips will usually lead you to some kind of common ground.

“Once you find that shared point, steer the conversation there,” the video suggests. “Suddenly, it stops feeling like effort. It becomes natural, fluid, and even fun.”

Will that happen every time? No. And that’s where a bonus tip comes into play: Accept that awkward lulls happen.

“Let’s be honest. Not every conversation will flow perfectly,” the video states. “Some will still hit dead ends. There will be awkward pauses and silent moments. That’s okay. Silence isn’t failure. It’s just space. Learn to be comfortable with it and it’ll stop feeling like pressure.”

I wish people didn’t think silence was awkward, just enjoy it. Not every space has to be filled with words
— Introvert Problems (@IntrovertProbss) March 30, 2026

The goal is not to convince people you’re interesting

The Smartish Stuff video wraps up with some wise words about what makes a good conversation:

“The truth is, good conversations aren’t about charm or confidence. They’re about curiosity, patience, and presence. If you apply these three methods, asking intentional questions, listening actively, and finding common ground, you’ll never truly run out of things to say. And over time, you’ll realize the goal isn’t to be interesting. It’s to be genuinely interested.”

People with social anxiety may still be left with questions, such as “How do I think of follow-up questions when my anxiety makes my mind go blank? How do I listen when I have loud, anxious thoughts blaring through my head? What if I can’t find common ground no matter how many questions I ask and how well I actively listen?”

Anxiety loves to come up with worst-case scenarios and imagine all of the ways something won’t work. And for people with severe social anxiety who need professional help to manage it, these tips may not be enough. But they are still worth working on, as they can help build the foundation that good conversations are based on.

For further help, talking with a therapist, doctor, or trusted friend could lower the volume on anxious thoughts.

Keep Reading →
Photo credit: YouTube/Lost in the Pond – Laurence Brown from Lost in the Pond.

Communication, Skills, Uncategorized

Comedian shares 7 American phrases that completely baffle the British

“If we have them in Britain, what’s so American about this apple pie?”

Tod Perry

4/5/2026

Even though Americans and British people share the same language, there are a lot of figures of speech that don’t make a lot of sense when they go from one side of the pond to the other. The British have some unique turns of phrase that are head-scratching to Americans, such as “Bob’s yer uncle” and “Taking the Mick.”

Laurence Brown, a Brit who moved to the midwestern U.S., documents the differences between U.S. and U.K. culture on the Lost in the Pond YouTube channel. Brown created a fun video in which he explains why some American figures of speech make absolutely no sense to most British people. In the video, he explains how he first encountered each phrase and what they actually mean.

1. “It’s not my first rodeo”

“The thing is, rodeo isn’t really a common competitive sport in the UK. And so, if we are aware of it, we’re only aware of it through American movies and clips on the internet of bat crazy things that Americans do for fun. So while we can probably figure out what it means, we have absolutely no idea what it means.”

2. “As American as apple pie”

“I was baffled by the phrase ‘as American as apple pie,’ because if we have them in Britain, what’s so American about this apple pie? Well, as I’ve pointed out on this channel, nothing. Because apple pie has its origins in England.”

Apple pie. Credit: Canva/Photos

3. “Hit the books”

“Americans like to use the term “hit” metaphorically, hit the gym, hit the books, hit the gas, hit the skids. … But in hindsight, even though I was quite confused by the phrase ‘hit the books’ at first, I sort of prefer it to what we’d say in Britain, which is ‘I’m doing revision.’”

4. “The boonies”

“Anybody who’s followed this channel for a while will know that I’ve lived in Indianapolis and Chicago, the two largest cities in their respective states. But often we find ourselves driving between the two cities, where there is nothing other than farmland. In the early days of living in the US, I remember somebody referring to these parts as ‘the boonies.’ This itself was a confusing phrase at first, because I had never heard this word before.”

The phrase“Boondocks” appears to have entered the American lexicon from Tagalog, one of the languages of the Philippines. In Tagalog, bundok means “mountain.” The U.S. military began using the term and changed it to “Boondocks;” then, shortened to “Boonies” to describe the Vietnamese back country.

A helicopter in Vietnam during the war. Credit: SSG Howard C. Breedlove/Wikimedia Commons

5. The wazoo”

“‘Wazoo’ is an American slang term for the buttocks or anus. I see. So when you’re talking out of the wazoo, you’re literally talking s**t.”

6. “Get behind the eight ball”

“It is a billiards term in the UK. Billiards is not really all that popular, and so the phrase, as far as I’m aware, did not really catch on over there. Well, what does the phrase mean, Laurence? Well, it turns out that it means don’t get yourself into a sticky situation. In other words, don’t be thwarted by it.”

7. “Don’t mess with Texas”

“When I first heard it, I thought it was the state of Texas telling everyone else, ‘If you bring a fight to us, we will absolutely destroy you.’ It’s part of the reason that I haven’t properly visited Texas yet. I think a lot of people find this tagline funny because of that weirdly provocative-sounding threat. Well, British people, and anyone who’s genuinely confused by this phrase, might, depending on your perspective, be thrilled or distraught to discover that the phrase was just part of a successful anti-littering campaign.”

The phrase “Don’t Mess with Texas” comes from a 1985 anti-littering campaign by the Texas Department of Transportation. The first commercial, featuring blues guitarist Stevie Ray Vaughn, was a massive success, and the phrase soon entered the lexicon of Texans and the world beyond.

Keep Reading →
Photo credit: Canva – Flapjacks in the U.S. are something totally different than flapjacks in the U.K.

Communication, Skills

14 English words students learn differently if their teacher is American vs. British

When a chip isn’t a chip and a flapjack isn’t a flapjack.

Annie Reneau

Upworthy Staff

4/5/2026

Even though Americans and British people technically speak the same language, there are some major differences in our English vernacular. For instance, if you were to give someone from the United States and someone from England this prompt:

Draw a kid in a jumper eating chips, biscuits, and flapjacks while watching football.

You would end up with two very different drawings. The words jumper, chips, biscuits, flapjacks, and football all have completely different meanings in American English vs. British English. Most of us know the football vs. soccer difference, but the others may be unfamiliar.

Football is soccer, except when it’s football. Giphy

Words in the same language having different meanings based on geography can be confusing for English language learners, especially when they’re learning how to order food in a restaurant. Here are some differences just with foods alone:

Chips

In the U.S., chips means potato chips. As in Lay’s, Ruffles, etc. In the U.K., those are called “crisps,” while chips means french fries. Hence fish and chips meaning fish and fries, not fish and Ruffles.

Biscuits

When Americans talk about biscuits, we’re talking about fluffy, flaky baked balls of dough smothered in butter and served with either soups or meat and mashed potatoes, generally. Buttermilk biscuits are an American staple. Not so in the U.K. where a biscuit simply means “cookie.” What we call a biscuit, they call a scone. We have scones in the U.S., too, but our definition is generally more limited to the triangular, sweet kind. British scones also cover what we think of as biscuits.

Biscuits in the U.S. vs. biscuits in the U.K. Photo credit: Canva

Flapjacks

A flapjack in the U.S. is synonymous with pancake—the breakfast staple. A flapjack in the U.K. is a baked oat bar, almost like a granola bar.

Pudding

If you order a sticky toffee pudding in the U.K. and expect to get a custard-like substance, you’d be disappointed. Pudding is a general term for a dessert in the U.K., whereas it specifically means a custard dessert in the U.S.

Pudding in the U.K. vs. pudding in the U.S. Photo credit: Canva

There’s also the opposite issue, where we use different words for the same foods as opposed to the same words for different foods. In the U.K., a zucchini is a courgette, an eggplant is an aubergine, cilantro is coriander, a grilled cheese sandwich is a toastie, and Jell-O is jelly.

Clothing also can be confusing for folks learning English from an American vs. a Brit. Here are some words:

Jumper vs. Sweater

In the U.K., a jumper is what we call a sweater. In the U.S. a jumper is kind of like a mix between overalls and a dress—a sleeveless garment generally worn over something else.

Pants vs. Underpants vs. Trousers

What Americans call pants, folks in the U.K. call trousers. (Americans know the word trousers, but we don’t use it much.)

Pants in the U.K. vs. pants in the U.S. Photo credit: Canva

Vest vs. Waistcoat vs. Undershirt

This one is super counterintuitive for Americans. A “vest” in the U.K. is an undershirt, like a thin t-shirt or tank top. What Americans think of as a vest, the Brits call a waistcoat.

Braces vs. Suspenders

This one is also counterintuitive for Americans. For us, braces are either the orthodontia that straightens our teeth or a supportive apparatus that stabilizes a body part (a leg brace, wrist brace, etc.). But braces in the U.K. has another meaning, which is what we call suspenders. In the U.K., suspenders don’t hold up pants—those are braces—but they do hold up stockings, which isn’t the way we use that word.

Bonnet and Boot

A bonnet is a head covering in both the U.S. and the U.K., but the Brits also use the word for the hood of a car. Boots are shoes that go above the ankle in both countries, but a boot is also the trunk of a car in the U.K.

That’s not the end of the list of words that differ between American English and British English, but it’s a good start. For folks learning English as a second language, it’s at least good to know that some things you learn will really depend on where your teacher is from so you don’t end up disappointed when you order pudding or biscuits at a restaurant and get something totally different.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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Photo credit: Abram Elenin/Facebook – A British teacher is showing how to speak in Victorian English, and people are loving it.

Communication, Skills

British teacher flawlessly translates everyday sayings into Victorian English, and people are hooked

“‘My faculties have been exhausted by perpetual toil’ goes hard.”

Evan Porter

3/27/2026

It’s hard to believe now, but communicating via the written word used to be a gigantic deal. Long before texting, social media, quick emails, or even short postcards, one of the only ways people could communicate across space and time was by writing long letters.

The 18th century is considered by some to be the peak of the Golden Age of letter writing. It was a key element of education for people wealthy enough to receive one, and it was incredibly important: business was conducted via handwritten letters, love was declared, and new introductions were made.

It was crucial, then, to choose your words extremely carefully. This was especially true in and around the Victorian Era in England, roughly between 1820 and 1914.

Victorian-era translations of everyday sayings

An English teacher from the United Kingdom has been delighting followers with Victorian-era translations of everyday sayings.

Abram Elenin runs Berber English, where he says, “I help professionals master British English… and communicate more effectively.”

He also likes to have a little fun with his work as a linguistics expert and accent coach. In a wildly popular series of Instagram Reels, he performs “tiered” translations of common phrases, transforming them into increasingly formal variations. Victorian English is usually the final resting point and comedic punchline.

In one popular video, “I’m burnt out” becomes “I’m entirely depleted” in formal English, and “I have been worked to the very marrow” in gentlemanly English.

But Victorian English, the age of beautiful if long-winded novels like Great Expectations and Jane Eyre, takes the cake: “Where to begin, for my faculties have been exhausted by perpetual toil, and incessant application has so stripped me of vitality that I am scarcely able to summon the strength requisite for the smallest effort.”

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In another Reel, “I’m poor” becomes “I find myself in a precarious financial position,” and finally:

“It is with no small measure of affliction that I acknowledge my fortunes to be sadly diminished, my purse exhausted, and my station reduced to one of grievous penury, such that I find myself abandoned to the stern tutelage of want, the harshest master to which mankind is ever subject.”

It just sounds so much better that way. Can’t you just hear Moira Rose from Schitt’s Creek saying that?

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Videos go viral

Elenin’s videos have reached millions of viewers worldwide, helping them gain a greater appreciation for Victorian-era English and language more broadly.

“‘My faculties have been exhausted by perpetual toil’ goes hard,” one Facebook commenter notes.

“Gonna use Victorian for my essays now,” someone says on Instagram.

“I just love listening to you saying these things,” adds another.

A few brave commenters tried writing their own Victorian-style passages, but it’s really a job best left to the pros, like Elenin.

Why the language died out

This gorgeous, verbose style of language unfortunately faded as literacy rates climbed and the written word became more commonplace.

However, letter writing was still commonly practiced until the telephone became a major part of everyday life in the early 1900s.

Early phonograph recordings from the late 1800s offer some of our only glimpses into what people in the Victorian era actually sounded like. Though their conversations are less flowery and long-winded than their writing, they still stand in stark contrast to casual conversation today.

While it’s a little sad for those who appreciate language that this kind of prose is mostly extinct, there is some good news: letter writing is making a comeback. As people grow weary of screens and impersonal digital communication, the trusty pen and paper are experiencing a much-needed revival.

Maybe now is the perfect time to brush up on your Victorian English, or at least take some inspiration from the way they could make anything sound interesting or profound.

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Photo credit: Canva – Job interview experts say there’s no reason to stay discouraged after a rejection.

Communication, Skills

Experts share 5 ways to come out of a job interview rejection feeling like a winner

Look past negativity bias.

Erik Barnes

3/27/2026

Job interviews can be equal parts anxiety-inducing and exciting. A new opportunity, and possibly a different future, can await. Then, after the interview, you check your inbox: “We regret to inform you…” “Unfortunately, while your qualifications were impressive…” “We’ve decided to go in another direction at this time.” Rejection after an interview can feel defeating. However, there are ways (and reasons) to feel like you’ve won anyway.

Several career experts and job search professionals spoke to Upworthy to share their advice on managing the emotions that come with job rejection. They also offered tips and data to boost your confidence and help you return to the job search feeling like a winner. Here are five of their recommendations.

1. Feel the feelings

“Give yourself permission to feel how you feel,” said career coach Dante Rosh. “If you’re feeling rejected, feel rejected. Acknowledge the feeling, but don’t allow yourself to sit in it too long. Put a timer on your pity party. This may sound like, ‘I’m going to feel bad for the rest of today, but tomorrow is a new day and I’m going to continue my search.’”

“Rejection after a job interview can be challenging, but the most important thing you can do is protect your mindset,” said Jasmine Escalera, a career expert for LiveCareer. “Take a moment to pause, breathe, and step away instead of rushing right back into applications. So many candidates push through without processing it, but giving yourself that space supports your mental and emotional health. And when you do that, you come back stronger, more grounded, and more resilient for the remainder of your search.”

2. Know that you aren’t alone, and that there will likely be many rejections before a “yes”

Ellen Raim, a former chief human resources officer turned career advisor, said the job market is difficult. She shared data showing that it can take 50 applications to get a job interview and 200 interviews to land a job. She encouraged new job seekers to keep going.

“In today’s market looking for a job is like being in sales. Good salespeople know they won’t close every deal,” said Raim. “On the hard days, remember: every effort you have made counts; you’re closer than you were yesterday. You have a great product. You will make the sale; keep going.”

“Rejection has a finite time frame,” said Lacey Kaelani, CEO of job search engine Metaintro. “According to our data, the average number of applications received for any position is in the approximate excess of over 250. Reaching the interview stage could mean that an applicant is in the top 2% of all applications. That in itself is a win.”

@selfmademillennial
You can still land jobs at companies who have rejected you in the job search. If you went through their hiring process, that means you have good skills and are compatible with the team, just the timing or role wasn’t quite right. So many of my clients land jobs at companies who once rejected them by using Job Shopping strategies. You can do this too! Don’t let these relationships go to waste. Follow for more! #jobsearch #jobtips #hiring #business #worklife #careercoach #jobmarket
♬ original sound – Madeline Mann

3. Reframe and redirect negative thoughts and rumination

“Reframe your negative thoughts,” said Rosh. “While we can’t always control what thoughts pop into our heads, we can control the power and energy we give them. Instead of accepting ‘I’m unhireable’ as fact, try reframing it. ‘My mind is telling me I’m unhireable and I’m working on not buying into that.’”

Peter Franks, a former executive search firm headhunter who’s currently the editor at No Latency, said to focus on the facts of the situation rather than ruminate on the rejection.

“As humans, we’re naturally competitive and want to succeed,” said Franks. “Being rejected hurts our pride but it’s worth remembering that only one person can win any recruitment process. If you apply for a role and get invited for an interview, you’ve already beaten 80%+ of the market. If you make it to the second or third interview, you’ve probably surpassed 90% of the candidate pool.”

In short, if you don’t get a job offer after a third interview, you didn’t lose 0-1—you won 2-1. This reframing could lead to a 3-0 win in the future.

4. Write down what went right and what you learned

Lucas Botzen, a human resources manager and CEO of Rivermate, recommended writing down three moments in which candidates felt confident, thoughtful, or had a strong rapport with the interviewer. Botzen said this shifts the focus from what could have gone wrong to what went right. He also recommended keeping a log after every interview.

“Write a skills success log for each interview,” Botzen said. “This is a log that should record not only what worked but also what [the interviewee] learned about themselves and their skills.”

Writing down what you did right helps you see the wins you’ve achieved and offset any feelings of loss.

5. Send a thank-you note to the interviewer for your own confidence

“After being rejected for a job, the best thing you can do is send the hiring manager a brief thank you note with a question about how you can improve your resume or skills to ‘hopefully’ land a job at that company one day,” said Kaelani. “You might end up receiving an answer that provides insight.”

While this advice is typically recommended as a courtesy, it’s not just about professionalism. It also allows you to get the last word.

“By sending a thank you note to the interviewer in which you reference an idea that you discussed during the interview, you are taking control of the situation,” added Botzen. “This gives you a sense of power and professionalism, even if the company decided to go in another direction.”

Rejection is common. While it hurts, these insights can help job seekers feel better, knowing that landing a job is not a question of “if,” but “when.”

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Photo credit: Canva – A group of girls laugh together at school.

Communication, Skills

Harvard linguist shares the etymology of the word ‘girl’ and how it evolved into a gendered term

At one point, all children were “girls.”

Jacalyn Wetzel

3/19/2026

The word “girl” evokes the thought of a female child, while “boy” conjures the thought of a male child. This is true for most people, regardless of their country of origin. But according to Harvard University linguist Sunn m’Cheaux, the word “girl” was originally considered gender-neutral.

What sparked the revelation was a video showing a woman calling her male friend “girl” during a conversation. The short, seemingly amusing clip sparked a firestorm of comments from men who found the unintentional gaffe insulting. Some men viewed the term as emasculating, while women claimed it was gender-neutral.

Children sitting with their teacher. Photo credit: Canva

Sunn m’Cheaux originally added his voice by pointing out that when women use the term with men, it reflects a closeness in the friendship.

“Quick FYI: If you’re in a conversation with a Black woman who inadvertently calls you ‘girl,’ do not get offended. She is not ‘emasculating you’—she’s comfortable with you,” the language expert says in a TikTok video, as women in the comments agree.

After seeing comments saying that women simply didn’t know the etymology of the word, m’Cheaux jumped back in to break things down. The confusion, he explains, is that the once gender-neutral term became gendered, losing its original meaning. In a follow-up video posted to his social media pages, he explains the etymology of “girl” for naysayers.

@sunnmcheaux
Replying to @scope3944 IF YOUR BLACK HG SLIPS & CALLS YOU “GURL!” #education #linguistics #sociolinguistics #aave #weoutchea
♬ original sound – Sunn m’Cheaux 🦔

“The good news is, if you think that most of the women and girls who inadvertently call y’all ‘girl’ don’t actually know the etymology of the word ‘girl,’ you’re probably right,” the linguist says. “Most English speakers don’t know the etymology of the word ‘girl.’ But see, that’s where the bad news comes in for you. You see, the word ‘girl’ was originally gender-neutral. That’s right. For centuries, the word ‘girl’ simply meant a child of either sex.”

A mom plays with her baby. Photo credit: Canva

He further explains that male children were called “knave girls,” distinguishing them from female children. The word “boy,” on the other hand, originally meant servant. This gender-neutral usage didn’t stop with “girl”—he adds that “man” was also used for both sexes.

“To distinguish a human female from a human male, that would be a ‘wifman’ for a female,” m’Cheaux explains. “Later, the term ‘wife’ would mean the companion of a man, but you actually didn’t originally have to be the companion of a man to be a ‘wife.’”

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In the video, he also addresses the terms “midwife” and “gossip,” explaining how they became associated with women. He impressed viewers with the impromptu etymology lesson.

One person writes, “I feel like I just attended a really great lecture and I should probably rewatch and take notes! So much info!”

Another says, “Oh, how I love these etymology breakdowns!!! So much fun learning how words/language evolve! But I’ont think anybody does this as well as you do.”

Women laughing together. Photo credit: Canva

“You’ll have to start charging for these seminars. That was at least one credit’s worth of knowledge!” Someone else chimes in.

“I love this! May I use this in my class when we talk of pronouns and how they have evolved?” an eager professor shares. “Some of my future journalists are battling they/them conundrums outside our Emerson bubble. I’d love to add this to the conversation.”

“Sir, you make my brain hurt in the best possible way. Appreciate you,” another person notes.

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