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Mom takes away tween daughter's phone and tablet—and notices "immediate" change

"Not even 24 hours later I have a totally different kid."

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Mom and tween daughter have a better relationship after taking away her phone and tablet.

Most kids these days have phones. In a 2025 survey conducted by Florida State University on the digital media use of American tweens aged 11-13 years old, nearly 80% of kids in the age range had a smart phone—with one-third of them reporting they got their first phone by the age of 10.

And while the impacts of phone access for tweens is still being studied, a 2024 study published in the Journal of Human Development and Capabilities found that kids under 13 who owned smartphones reported worse mental health outcomes than those who didn't.

Phone use is a common issue many parents navigate with their tweens these days. And a mom with a tween daughter (who she says is currently 12 years old going on 13), shared with fellow parents on the subreddit r/Parenting the major changes she noticed after taking away her daughter's phone and tablet access.

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She explained, "Long story short, there was a lot of toxic stuff happening between the kids, and it was all through these huge group chats. They’d be constantly in contact, texting each other, FaceTiming, etc. And the way they spoke to each other wasn’t healthy, it was vulgar and rude under the guise of being quirky."

The mom's resolution? "I went nuclear. Immediately had her hand over her devices. Bought an AirTag for her backpack so I can find her when I pick her up from school. The only screen she can use is the living room tv," she explained. "This sounds harsh, but I had previously tried adjusting screen time settings to be more strict and it wasn’t yielding the results I wanted. So a full detox it is."

To her shock, she shared how her daughter practically transformed overnight. "And oh boy, not even 24 hours later I have a totally different kid,," she wrote. "She is out of her bedroom. She wants to be around us! She’s engaging with her little sister and laughing with us. Boredom has been so, so good. And we’re only on day 2 right now. What I thought would feel like a miserable punishment has actually lifted her up and brought her spark back."

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The Kelce girls will not be reliant on cell phones when they get older. 🎥: Not Gonna Lie with Kylie Kelce

The story resonated with parents and teachers alike, who shared their experiences dealing with tweens and technology use. Another mom shared, "We've recently had to cut our child's screen time too. She's a similar age, and was also isolating herself, sullen, bored, angry all the time, etc, and it turned out there were some unideal conversations happening. She's like a different kid too. Even playing with her younger siblings! This was all on a school-issued laptop, thankfully her teacher was on board and said she'd rather her not do her homework if that's what was needed. It almost feels like she's relieved we took control. We are going to do things so differently from now on."

One educator commented, "As a teacher in a state with the new banned cell laws, I can tell you it is working. I have students participating in class discussions, they are turning work in. They are focused. There are still those who will not work but we had the same type of students when I was a student before cell phones. It’s been a game changer in our district."

One parent explained how they plan to address their son's tech accessibility, commenting, "I am planning to get my 11 year old a watch that can text, make calls from the watch, see his location, etc. About the same price as a phone and corresponding plan but fewer of the headaches," they wrote.

Other parents offered helpful resources. "The book The Anxious Generation is a must read for all parents. The research supports taking away smartphones and tablets and social media," one added. Another noted, "Another good one: Stolen Focus."

How parents can delegate phone use with tweens

Many parents are processing how to delegate or cut off phone use with their tweens, deciding what is healthiest and realistic for them.

"Tweens are at a critical stage where their brains are still developing key skills like self-regulation, patience, and resilience," Tessa Stuckey, MA, LPC, a mental health counselor and founder of LookUp (a nonprofit resource to support families facing the growing challenges of screen use and social media), tells Upworthy.

She adds that constant access to phones and tablets interferes with that development by "offering instant gratification, endless comparison, and exposure to content they’re not emotionally ready for. Taking a break allows their brains and bodies to reset—helping them rediscover creativity, real connection, and the ability to tolerate boredom, which is essential for growth."

Here are three tips to help you navigate phone use with your tween:

Tip #1: Establish clear boundaries early
Stuckey notes that parents should make it clear from the start that devices are tools, not toys.

"Set family rules about when, where, and how they can be used—for example, no devices in bedrooms at night and no screens at the dinner table," she says. "By sticking to these rules consistently, kids learn that screens are a privilege, not a right."

Tip #2: Replace, don’t just remove
When you cut off screen time, have alternatives ready.

"Encourage activities that naturally release dopamine and bring joy—like going outside, playing a game, cooking together, or simply letting them get bored," says Stuckey. "This not only makes the transition easier but also teaches them how to regulate without always relying on a device."

Tip #3: Use screens intentionally together
Not all screen use is harmful if it’s guided.

"Watch a show together, look up a recipe, or FaceTime with family—modeling intentional use shows kids the difference between mindless scrolling and purposeful connection," Stuckey explains. "Over time, they’ll learn that the healthiest way to use devices is with balance and purpose."

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A study left groups of kids unsupervised for 5 days. The whole thing was caught on camera.

The difference between the boys and girls was striking.

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Experiment of boys and girls left unsupervised return eyeopening results

What would kids do if left completely to their own devices without any adult intervention? If you've never wondered that, well, you don't have to wonder anymore.

In 2016, Boys Alone (Social Experiment Documentary) took 10 boys ages 11-12 and left them unsupervised in a house for five days. Before the boys were left alone they were given cooking classes and other life skills lessons to give them all a more even starting ground.

They repeated the social experiment with girls in Girls Alone (Social Experiment Documentary). The girls are given the same life skills lessons as the boys before being left to their own devices for the better part of a week. Both groups of children were left with cameras watching their every move as adults monitored from outside of the home. But there was no interference and when the camera crew was present they did not interact or attempt to parent the children in any way.

Recently clips of these experiments resurfaced on social media when a guy with the username Mr. Cult Daddy uploaded it to share with his 508k followers.

His condensed version of the clips along with his commentary gave viewers a quick overview of the vastly different results.



@mrcultdaddy

Replying to @mrcultdaddy In contrast, the girls displayed more responsibility and cooperation. They created a chore chart, divided up tasks, and took turns cooking meals. They even organized a DIY beauty salon to cheer up a girl who was feeling down. While the girls had some disagreements, they handled them more maturely and left the house in a clean and orderly state. The experiment showcased a sense of teamwork and care, unlike the boys' experience​ #boysvsgirls #patriarchy #psychologyfacts #greenscreenvideo

"Imagine this, 10 boys all from the ages of 11 and 12 were put into a house with no adult supervision for five days. And if you heard me say that and thought to yourself that sounds like a total 'Lord of the Flies' situation, you're not wrong because it did not take long for them to completely descend into chaos," the creator shares.



Boys playing, boys, children, unsupervised kids, parenting, modern parenting shallow focus photo of boy in red crew-neck T-shirt Photo by Tolga Ahmetler on Unsplash


He explains that the boys essentially destroyed the house by drawing on the walls, flipping furniture and "trashing everything." The boys didn't use their new cooking skills, relying solely on snacks and sodas. Eventually the chaotic fun turned into power struggles, breaking into different groups fighting each other, even tying someone to a chair.

"But what's interesting about this whole thing is just how quickly their social structure that they developed just completely fell apart. What started out as excitement turned into isolation depression," the man says.

The TikTok creator jumps into sharing the commentary from others around the societal expectations of boys being able to get away with more which people feel had an impact on the way these boys behaved.

On the flip side, the girls experiment had wildly different results. The girls were the same age as the boys but instead of immediately descending into chaos, they actually worked together.

One commenter writes about the boys, "Grown men live like this too. It’s not an age thing," with another person saying, "That’s the least shocking outcome ever."



kids, children, unsupervised children, parenting, modern parenting, parenting advice, parenting hacks Teens playing table tennis Photo by Nima Sarram on Unsplash


"As we know the boys descended into chaos relatively quickly so you might say to yourself, 'oh we can expect the same things from these girls,' no. From the start the girls organize themselves. They made a freaking chore chart, took turns cooking, cleaning. meals were planned, they didn't just survive off the snacks like the boys did. They really created this team," he shares.

The girls also painted on the walls but it was productive paintings like murals and not painting to make a mess. Evidently the girls all worked together and provided each other emotional support according to the creator. They even cleaned the house before they left. It would seem that people in the comments were not at all surprised by the stark contrast between the girls and boys experiment.

One woman tells the creator, "by 12 I could have run a whole household."

"I think it's probably 15-20% prefrontal cortex and 75-80% conditioning. I was expected to wash the dishes every night by myself from a young age while my male sibling went to bed. I was made to do his homework, even tho I was 2y younger, so he'd have free time to "be a typical boy." I'm the reason he passed elementary school, but I refused after that and his grades crashed," another woman reveals.



children, raising children, unsupervised children, parents, parenting, modern parenting two girl in pink and green shirts sitting on wall shelf Photo by Cristina Gottardi on Unsplash


"I think it shows the difference in raising. Girls are taught to behave, be smart. Boys tend to be spoiled by moms and dads. They don’t usually receive the learning of being nice, cordial," someone else shares.

"It's conditioning (at least 80%) my brother is 9 years older and I had to teach him how to do his own laundry when I was 14 (he was ripe ol' age of 23) bc my mom taught me from a young age and didn't," one commenter explains.

While many people agree that the culprit is social conditioning combined with brain development while others pointed out that it may simply be American culture. That also likely plays a large role in the outcome of these experiments, but what do you think? If the experiment was completed again today, would the results be the same?

You can watch the entire boys experiment here and the girls experiment here.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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Millennial parents are pleading with Boomer grandparents to stop giving excessive gifts to grandkids

"I struggle to keep on top of tidying as it is, and this is a massive added challenge."

Image via Canva/PeopleImages

Boomer grandparents are excessively gifting their grandkids, and Millennial parents have had enough.

Millennial parents and Boomer grandparents don't always see eye to eye on parenting and grandparenting. Now, Millennial parents are uniting on a nightmare Boomer grandparenting trend that sees them "excessively gifting" their grandkids with tons of both new and old *unwanted* stuff during visits.

Ohio mom Rose Grady (@nps.in.a.pod) shared her "Boomer grandparent" experience in a funny and relatable video. "Just a millennial mom watching her boomer parents bring three full loads of 'treasures' into her home," she wrote in the overlay.

Grady can be seen looking out the window of her home at her Boomer mom and dad carrying bags and boxes up her driveway after several visits. The distressed and contemplative look on Grady's is speaking to plenty of Millennial moms.

@nps.in.a.pod

Today's "treasure" highlight was the mobile that hung in my nursery... #boomerparents #boomers #boomersbelike #millennialsoftiktok #millenialmom #motherdaughter

Grady captioned the video, "Today's 'treasure' highlight was the mobile that hung in my nursery..."

The humorous video resonated with with fellow Millennial parents. "Straight to the trash when they leave," one viewer commented. Another added, "I always say 'if you don’t want it in yours, we don’t want it in ours' 😂."

Even more Millennial parents have shared and discussed their situations with Boomer grandparents buying their kids too much stuff on Reddit. "Both my mother and my MIL love buying and sending toys, books, clothes, etc. I don't want to be ungrateful but we just don't need it and don't have the space. I have brought this up politely in 'we are all out of drawers for that' but it hasn't slowed things down," one explained. "I think part of the issue is that the grandparents live in different cities and vacation a lot. They don't get to see our daughter much so they buy stuff instead."

Another Millennial parent shared, "While the intention is very kind behind these, all the grandparents are very aware that we do not need, nor wish to receive these gifts in such an excessive volume - as it creates a daily struggle to store and accommodate in our home. I struggle to keep on top of tidying as it is, and this is a massive added challenge."

millennial parents, millennial parent, millennial mom, kids room, organize Millennial mom struggles to organize her son's room.Image via Canva/fotostorm

How to talk to Boomer grandparents about gifts

So, why are Boomer grandparents excessively gifting? "Boomer grandparents may be the first grandparent generation to have accumulated the substantial discretionary funds that enables them to spend money on their grandchildren," Sari Goodman, a Certified Parent Educator and founder of Parental Edge, tells Upworthy. "These grandparents probably grew up with grandparents who didn’t have that kind of money and so they may be excited to give their grandchildren the things they didn’t get."

Goodman suggests that Millennial parents first discuss with them the "why" behind the gifting. "What comes before setting a boundary to limit over-the-top gift-giving is delving into the reasons grandparents are buying so much," she explains. "Coming from a place of compassion and understanding makes it possible to come up with mutually beneficial solutions."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

She recommends that Millennial parents sit down with their Boomer parents to learn more. "Did they grow up without many toys and clothes and are fulfilling a dream? Ask them about the values they learned as children (hard work, perseverance, the power of delayed gratification) and how they can pass on these lessons to the grandchildren," she suggests.

She adds that another reason may be that Boomer grandparents live far away and want their grandchildren to feel a connection with them. "Set up a regular FaceTime or Zoom meeting. Rehearse with the kids so they have something to say and suggest a topic for the grandparents," says Goodman. "Or send snail mail. Kids love getting mail. The grandparents can send postcards from where they live and explain some of the special sites."

boomer grandparents, boomer grandparenting, video chat, video call, grandkids Boomer grandparents have a video call with grandkids.Image via Canva/Tima Miroshnichenko

Finally, Goodman adds that for some grandparents, this may be is the only way they know how to show their love. Millennial parents could ask if they would be open to other ideas. "Parents can set up an activity for grandparents and kids to do when they come over—a jigsaw puzzle, art activity, board game, magic tricks," she says. "Arrange for the grandchildren to teach the grandparents something their phones can do or introduce them to an app they might like."

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Parenting

Therapist says making these 5 small changes will get your teen to start sharing more with you

Everything isn't always "fine."

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Making these 5 simple changes will get your teen to share more with you

Raising teens is not for the faint of heart, and getting them to share more than "fine" when inquiring about their day can feel nearly impossible. But communicating with your teen doesn't have to feel like a trip to the dentist. If you make just a few small adjustments, you'll notice that conversations start flowing more smoothly.

Before we proceed, I'd like to ease your mind. As a therapist who has spent more than a decade working with teens, I can tell you: they're listening. It may not seem like it, especially if you have a boundary tester, but they hear what you tell them and know that you're trying to protect them. But there is a common theme to their complaints: they don't feel heard, they feel like their parents talk at them instead of to them, and a big one is that they fear being judged, subsequently disappointing their parents.

communication; talking with teens; teens; teenagers; communicating with teens Heated conversation in the living room.Photo credit: Canva

Teenagers are in a unique stage in not only brain development but also social, emotional, and biological development as well. There are a lot of things going on inside their brains and bodies that need to be acknowledged. From the ages of 12-18 kids experience a psychosocial developmental stage called "Identity vs Role Confusion," according to famed psychoanalyst Erick Erikson. During this stage of development, teens are figuring out who they are and what they believe in, independent of their parents.

This is also a time when they pull away from their parents to seek more advice and validation from their peers, which is generally where the breakdown happens. "Fine" becomes the standard answer to nearly any question a curious parent hoping for a glimmer of communication can think to ask. If you want to avoid the dreaded "fine," here are some things you could try to get your teen to open up.

communication; talking with teens; teens; teenagers; communicating with teens Carpooling with friends, enjoying the ride! 🚗📱😊Photo credit: Canva

Trap them in the car

Kidding. Don't actually "trap" them in the car, but if you want to get a few extra words out of your teen, the car is a great place to dig a little deeper. We still want to approach topics with care and thoughtfulness, but I've found that when the teen isn't pressured to have eye contact or see their parent's expression to something they've said, they tend to tell you more. But it's on you to know what to ask. Instead of, "How was school?" ask a more probing question.

Sometimes, asking them to tell you about something exciting, funny or interesting that happened will result in them spilling a lot more details about their day. If you know they've been struggling with a class or teacher, feel free to ask them if the teacher is still being a turd. It may sound silly, but little things like that let them know you're on their side and frees the air for them to voice grievances.

Try not to make talks into a production

This well-intentioned method of having big conversations can really stifle communication with teenagers. Sitting them down at the kitchen table across from both of their parents to talk about sex or drugs can feel a lot like getting called into the principal's office. Important talks don't need to be formal; they can happen just about anywhere. And if you didn't start off having chats like that early and often, you can start now.

If there's a way for you both to be busy while talking, it will help dissipate any nervous energy that might come up. This means chatting while cooking dinner together, putting together a puzzle, or pulling weeds takes the formality out of the conversation and you might even be surprised with their own questions.

communication; talking with teens; teens; teenagers; communicating with teens Mother and daughter sharing a thoughtful moment at home.Photo credit: Canva

Put your tool belt away, you're not Bob the Builder

When your teen finally opens up about an issue, they don't always want you to fix it. In fact, jumping right into "fix-it" mode can be a quick way to get your teen to clam up, especially if fixing it means having some harsh words with the person you feel hurt your child. Believe it or not, teenagers are capable of problem-solving! They've been watching you do it all their lives.

A great way to build on the trust that comes with open communication is by asking your child how they want to be supported. You can do this by asking, "Do you want my advice or do you just want me to listen?" This question goes a long way because it's showing them that you trust them to not only know what they need in the moment but to fix their own problem. It will also help build their confidence when interacting with peers outside of the home.

communication; talking with teens; teens; teenagers; communicating with teens Mother and daughter enjoying a tablet together on a cozy bed.Photo credit: Canva

You were once a teenager—but you're not now

Parents all over are guilty of this, myself included. It's natural to see someone going through something similar to what you experienced and automatically pull on your imaginary suspenders, breathe deeply and say, "Back in my day." Yes, the anecdote might be relevant. It might even be helpful, but if they didn't ask or expressly give permission after you've asked, it's not a bad idea to keep it to yourself.

If every time your teen comes to you with a problem you relive your glory days, they'll suddenly have far fewer problems that they need help addressing. They want to know about your life as a teenager, which lets them know a different side of you, but they don't want to know when they're actively struggling. They'll ask when they're ready for you to pull out those suspenders and a good piece of straw to chew on.

Practice your poker face

You know that high-pitched noise your ears sometimes make for seemingly no reason? There have been more than a few times that I've wished for that temporary break in hearing when my own teens overshared details about their personal lives. But when your teen is opening up about something important to them, it's not the time for judgment. That includes your face.

Instead of a wide-eyed gasp, practice with a friend or partner reacting to the most ridiculous information with a straight face and curiosity. This will help if your kid comes home from a sleepover with Ronald McDonald red hair or when they tell you that they snuck into the liquor cabinet and got sick from too much tequila. Learning to keep a neutral face will also help them feel safe if something more life-changing happens, like a teen pregnancy, drug use, or coming out as LGBTQ.

communication; talking with teens; teens; teenagers; communicating with teens Two friends enjoying a heartfelt conversation on the couch.Photo credit: Canva

Learning to keep the judgment off of your face and out of your voice will go a long way. Following their confession by identifying and validating their feelings will help to disarm the defenses they likely put up before they spilled their secret. Not sure what to say? Something like, "That must've been scary. How are you feeling now?" works well because it allows them a chance to reflect. The point is for them to feel heard and supported. Of course, some of these revelations may require consequences if there's something egregious that occurred, but for the most part, this is unlocking a sacred sharing of trust and information.

Bonus: Your child's business is theirs to share, not yours

This is one that many parents are guilty of whether it's good news, bad news or embarrassing news. Some parents have a bad habit of sharing their teenager's information without their permission and, sometimes, without thought about how their child may feel. During my work with teens, this came up a lot. Teens were mortified that their great aunt knew they'd had their first kiss or started their period.

communication; talking with teens; teens; teenagers; communicating with teens Sharing smiles and stories in the park. 📱😊Photo credit: Canva

A good rule to follow to maintain trust in this area is to ask if you would want that information shared about you. If you're unsure, ask your child. If you are sure, ask your child. Basically, anything beyond them having a stellar report card should be a quick check in with your kid. Maybe they wanted to share the news first or maybe they don't want anyone to know the news at all. Keeping things under wraps until your teen gives the okay will preserve the trust and communication you've worked so hard to build.

This article was written by Jacalyn Wetzel, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and practicing therapist.

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