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In 2001, one company started hiring mostly ex-cons. 14 years later, here's how it's going.

Jamie Paul has seen trouble.

"When you're young, you don't think about the better way, you think about the quick way. And the quick way landed me places I didn't want to be," he said.

Jamie Paul spent more than 10 years in prison. After his release, he found himself in the catch-22 of wanting a legitimate job but unable to get hired. Photo by Jess Blank/Upworthy.

Paul tried earning a living the "quick way." That was after his mother passed away, and he was faced with the burden of supporting his family in Baltimore. But it didn't work. By 2011, Paul had already done three stints in prison — a total of 10 years behind bars.

When he was finally released for the third time, Paul tried hard to go legit. He knew he was a hard worker — a competent worker. Prior to his sentence, he said, he was working and selling drugs at the same time. But like many people with a felony record, he felt trapped — few people would hire him because of his record, which Paul felt was deeply unfair.

"It's not the record that makes the person,” Paul said. "It's the person that makes the person."

But who would give somebody like him another shot? What kind of employer would be willing to trust an ex-con?

In a new series called “Humanity for the Win,” Upworthy visited Second Chance's headquarters with a video camera in November 2015 to find out who was willing to give Paul and dozens of others like him a shot.


Second Chance Inc. is nonprofit deconstruction business in Baltimore. They tear down old houses, save what can be reused, and are employing over 100 people looking for a fresh start after prison in the process.

The work at Second Chance — salvaging old houses — might be the perfect metaphor for the ways the business changes its workers’ lives.

Inside the bright, efficiently run warehouse staffed by dozens of employees getting back on their feet, you’ll find an eclectic collection of every imaginable category of home furnishing, from chandeliers to pianos to a giant, free-standing home bar the size of a gazebo. Working smoothly among the mantelpieces and fixtures, roughly 70% of the workers in Second Chance's deconstruction unit are ex-convicts — and this work is providing a rare path to a new life in this tough part of Baltimore.

“It’s easy to say, ‘They’re lazy, go get a job,’ but go get a job where? Doing what?”
— Ericka Alton

Ericka Alton is a community organizer in the Sandtown-Winchester neighborhood of Baltimore. She's seen everything in this community — including the direct link between economic pressures, lack of opportunity, and crime here.

"People are selling drugs and participating in illegal activity not by choice, but as a means to survive," Alton said.

Poverty and inequality are major challenges in Baltimore — crime and chronic imprisonment are often the result. But what’s the way out?

While Maryland currently sits atop the list of America's richest states, Baltimore remains one of the country's poorest cities. A 2015 CNN report found that almost a quarter of the city's population lives below the poverty line — and black residents suffer a disproportionate share of economic hardship.

The median household income of whites in Baltimore is nearly double that of black residents. As of 2013, 37% of young black Baltimorean men were unemployed, compared to just 10% of young white men.

That cycle produces increasingly tragic results. Baltimore saw a pronounced spike in homicides in 2015, while violent crime remained virtually flat in most major American cities. It was the deadliest year per capita in Baltimore’s history. According to Alton, many of her current and prospective clients are faced with a stark choice: sell drugs and expose themselves to violence and imprisonment, or remain unemployed.

"It’s easy to say, 'They’re lazy, go get a job,' but go get a job where? Doing what?" Alton said.

There aren’t nearly enough job opportunities available, like the ones offered by Second Chance, to help ex-cons transition into a productive life. Photo by Jess Blank/Upworthy.

Second Chance was the brainchild of Mark Foster, who came up with the idea when he realized how difficult it was to find materials for an old house he was rebuilding. Perhaps, he thought, there was a way to reclaim perfectly good, historically interesting architectural elements — the floors, fireplaces, light fixtures, and furniture that typically get junked when old homes are destroyed — and offer marginalized people a path back to society by hiring them to help scout and collect those materials.

"The biggest stereotype is that because we have been convicted that we can't be trustworthy or dependable workers, which is not true."
— Jamie Paul

The organization accepts donations of individual pieces (and sets) of furniture, as well as old doors, bathroom fixtures, and even vehicles from the general public. Entire houses are also on Second Chance's wish list (and donating one allows the giver to receive a tax deduction instead of a large bill for a teardown service).

When Upworthy met up with the Second Chance crew, a deconstruction team was busy tearing down a house in Arlington, Virginia.

"The good thing about salvage is: It's unique. It's old-school. It's fun. It's things that people tend to just brush off."

That’s what Antonio Johnson, a sales manager at Second Chance, said during our visit.

Among the haul were two toilets, a lamp fixture, an air conditioner, a refrigerator, and a dishwasher. The team ripped up dozens of floorboards and struck an old fireplace mantel, loaded it onto the truck, then shipped it back to the warehouse, where it was put on sale for $175.

Sales manager Antonio Johnson with the fireplace mantel unloaded from the Arlington house. Photo by Jess Blank/Upworthy.

Johnson, like much of Second Chance's workforce, spent time in prison. He started as a warehouse worker and has been promoted several times during his tenure at Second Chance. Johnson’s doing well — but his ability to succeed has been something that people with a record rarely get a chance to prove.

Photo by Francois Nascimbeni/Getty Images.

Jamie Paul, who’s newer to Second Chance, believes his convictions made it harder for him to get hired. According to the data, he's not wrong.

A National Institute of Justice study found that 60-75% of former prisoners were unable to find work within a year of release.

"The biggest stereotype is that because we have been convicted that we can't be trustworthy or dependable workers, which is not true," he said.

But also, former convicts who try to work again after years in prison often find their skills outdated or obsolete.

"Keeping up, especially for people who have been away from technology for perhaps several decades, is really a challenge," said Scott Decker, a foundation professor of criminology and criminal justice at Arizona State University.

A Second Chance deconstruction crew member marks a batch of floorboards with a date and location. Photo by Jess Blank/Upworthy.

Decker has interviewed 600 current and former gang members around the country and found a shocking gap in their skills upon release and the current job market.

"I interviewed a woman in her mid-30s in L.A. who had been in prison for 14 or 15 years," Decker said. "She didn’t know how to use word processing, she’d never sent an email, and she said: 'Mister, how am I supposed to apply for a job? I don’t even know how to use a computer. I have no idea how to do a resume other than to get a typewriter.'"

The catch-22: When former prisoners find themselves jobless, they often go on to commit more crimes.

A 2012 study of former Indiana inmates found that unemployment was one of the three factors that correlated most closely with whether a released felon would re-offend.

A job at Second Chance allows an ex-offender a way out of that cycle.

"It has helped me tremendously — financially, not being stressed, or thinking things that I know I shouldn't do, but I might need to do because I have a wife, a son, a baby on the way," Paul said.

A Second Chance crew unloads salvaged items from the Arlington house. Photo by Jess Blank/Upworthy.

After a 16- to 20-week training that aims to provide those who enter the program with concrete, transferrable skills, prospective employees are guaranteed a job. Some are able to leverage the training into jobs elsewhere, and the rest — along with those who prefer to stay — are hired by the organization.

"We have a guy who talks about just being proud of being able to go home and having his kid see him in his work clothes," said Pete Theodore, one of the permanent Second Chance management staff.

Most deconstruction workers stay with the company for about a year, he said. After that, the hope is that Second Chance employees can use their new skills and certifications to launch new careers.

"In some senses, I feel like a drop in the bucket compared to the need," Theodore said. "But when you look at a real life, and a real person, and a real story of change and hope, it makes it all worth it."

Second Chance is based in Baltimore but hopes to expand to Washington, D.C., and Philadelphia in the coming years. Photo by Jess Blank/Upworthy.

But the path forward is not always simple or straightforward.

A month after Upworthy visited Second Chance, Paul was arrested and charged with misdemeanor assault.


"We are accustomed to some setbacks on the road to wholeness — especially given the population we serve," Theodore said.


But Paul remains on the job. Theodore said he was "saddened" by the news, and that Second Chance remains committed to assisting Paul in his career and skill development.

Jaime Paul recently faced a new criminal charge, but the team at Second Chance remains committed to working with him to build a better future. Photo by Jess Blank/Upworthy.

"In the long run, this is just a stepping stone to get you out into this world," Johnson said.


Of all the skills gained at Second Chance, confidence is perhaps the most important.


Although his recent arrest may make the road forward bumpier, Paul still hopes to own and operate his own contracting company one day.


"If you can tear something down,” he said, “you should know how to put it back up,"

Watch the video of Upworthy's visit to Second Chance below:


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How humanitarian parole programs help migrant families in crisis

Through her work as a humanitarian parole sponsor, Sandra McAnany has helped uplift more than a dozen Latin American migrants and changed lives in the process.

Sandra visiting E’s family in Georgia (2023)

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Sandra McAnany isn’t one to sit on the sidelines. A 58-year-old grandmother from Wisconsin, McAnany spends her days teaching soft skills classes to adults and spending time with her family. Outside the classroom, however, she’s taken on a role that’s helping people in a big way: serving as a humanitarian parole sponsor and personally taking on the financial responsibility of supporting families fleeing from persecution, violence, and instability.

Since 2023, McAnany has welcomed 17 migrants—11 adults and six children through the CHNV humanitarian parole program, which allows individuals and families from Cuba, Haiti, Nicaragua and Venezuela to live and work temporarily in the United States with the support of an approved sponsor.

“Everyone has their own views and perspectives, but every person I sponsored is thriving and doing well here,” McAnany said.

McAnany didn’t know any of the parolees before sponsoring them, but she had a commitment to helping families from Venezuela specifically, hoping to reunite them with their families who were already living in the United States. After “praying a lot along the way” and communicating with the applicants through WhatsApp, she decided to apply as a sponsor and help them settle into the United States.

“I have a bedroom and a bathroom in my basement,” McAnany says. “My door is open and will always be open for any of the people I sponsored, if they ever have a need for housing.”

Sandra’s granddaughter, E’s daughter, and another friend at an indoor park (July 2025)

At the time, McAnany decided to volunteer as a sponsor to make friends and help other people through hardship. Now, her mission has grown: Seeing how humanitarian parole programs have changed her parole beneficiaries’ lives—as well as her own—for the better.

Humanitarian parole: A long history

Humanitarian parole programs are nothing new. Since 1952, both Democratic and Republican administrations have used humanitarian parole to provide a safer, lawful pathway for noncitizens to enter and live temporarily in the United States. In recent years, through different programs, people from Afghanistan, Ukraine, Cuba, Haiti, and other countries have been able to come to the U.S. to escape urgent crises in their own countries, such as political instability or war.

Coming to the United States through humanitarian parole is no easy feat. The process has its own strict criteria and involves extensive applications and vetting for both beneficiaries and their sponsors. Parolees don’t need to qualify for any other immigration benefit like asylum, but they need to meet the standard for humanitarian parole and successfully pass vetting requirements.

According to Refugees International, 532,000 people have been granted parole through the CHNV program.

A life-changing experience

From the moment she met her first parole beneficiaries at the airport—two families —McAnany already knew it would be a life-changing experience. “It immediately felt like family, like we were lifelong friends,” she said. But she could also sense that it was a culture shock for the parolees. On the way home from the airport, McAnany pulled into a nearby McDonald's and encouraged them to order dinner. Hearing the word “Big Mac,” the families smiled in recognition.

Despite the culture shock, McAnany’s parole beneficiaries had to adapt quickly to life in the United States. Once they were settled, McAnany worked “nonstop” to help the families acclimate to their new lives, answering questions about school and vaccinations while also helping them create resumes, search for jobs, and find English classes online.

It was through this process that McAnany realized just how resilient people could be, and was amazed “not only how hard it was for individuals to leave their loved ones behind, but the amount of work they did to come to the country and remain here.” McAnany also realized how fortunate she was to have her own family living nearby. “I can’t imagine any one of us leaving a country and being apart for an unknown length of time,” she said.

Eventually, and as circumstances changed—one of the parolees found a new job in another city, for example, and was able to move out. But no matter the length of time they spent with each other, McAnany says that with every parolee they formed a bond built for life. One woman, who she refers to as ‘E,’ has even become “like an adopted daughter.” McAnany has traveled to Georgia, where E now lives, three times to visit her.

Uncertain ground: What’s next for humanitarian parole programs

Despite being a critical part of immigration policy in the United States for the last 73 years, humanitarian parole programs are under threat. Immigrant justice nonprofits Justice Action Center and Human Rights First are currently suing the federal government to protect humanitarian parole programs and allow parole beneficiaries to remain in the country for the duration of their parole. McAnany is a plaintiff in the lawsuit.

One of the ladies Sandra sponsored from Venezuela and her partner during Sandra’s first visit to meet her (December 2023)

Participating in the lawsuit has only further bolstered McAnany’s belief in and support for humanitarian parole programs. She hopes the lawsuit will be successful, she says, so that parole beneficiaries and their families can finally have some stability.

“We don’t know what the future is,” she says, “but I want to be optimistic and hopeful that every person I sponsored will be able to stay here safely in the U.S. and continue to thrive.”

This article is part of Upworthy’s “The Threads Between U.S.” series that highlights what we have in common thanks to the generous support from the Levi Strauss Foundation, whose grantmaking is committed to creating a culture of belonging.


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One simple word makes children 30% more likely to cooperate. It works on adults, too.

No, it's not 'please.'

Photo credit: Canva

Jonah Berger explains how appealing to someone's identity makes them more likely to agree to a request.

Human psychology really isn't that complicated, if you think about it. Everybody wants to see themselves in a positive light. That’s the key to understanding Jonah Berger’s simple tactic that makes people 30% more likely to do what you ask. Berger is a marketing professor at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania and the bestselling author of “Magic Words: What to Say to Get Your Way.”

Berger explained the technique using a Stanford University study involving preschoolers. The researchers messed up a classroom and made two similar requests to groups of 5-year-olds to help clean up.

One group was asked, "Can you help clean?" The other was asked, “Can you be a helper and clean up?" The kids who were asked if they wanted to be a “helper” were 30% more likely to want to clean the classroom. The children weren’t interested in cleaning but wanted to be known as “helpers.”

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Berger calls the reframing of the question as turning actions into identities.

"It comes down to the difference between actions and identities. We all want to see ourselves as smart and competent and intelligent in a variety of different things,” Berger told Big Think. “But rather than describing someone as hardworking, describing them as a hard worker will make that trait seem more persistent and more likely to last. Rather than asking people to lead more, tell them, 'Can you be a leader?' Rather than asking them to innovate, can you ask them to 'Be an innovator'? By turning actions into identities, you can make people a lot more likely to engage in those desired actions.”

Berger says that learning to reframe requests to appeal to people’s identities will make you more persuasive.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

“Framing actions as opportunities to claim desired identities will make people more likely to do them,” Berger tells CNBC Make It. “If voting becomes an opportunity to show myself and others that I am a voter, I’m more likely to do it.”

This technique doesn’t just work because people want to see themselves in a positive light. It also works for the opposite. People also want to avoid seeing themselves being portrayed negatively.

“Cheating is bad, but being a cheater is worse. Losing is bad, being a loser is worse,” Berger says.

The same tactic can also be used to persuade ourselves to change our self-concept. Saying you like to cook is one thing, but calling yourself a chef is an identity. “I’m a runner. I’m a straight-A student. We tell little kids, ‘You don’t just read, you’re a reader,’” Berger says. “You do these things because that’s the identity you hold.”

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Berger’s work shows how important it is to hone our communication skills. By simply changing one word, we can get people to comply with our requests more effectively. But, as Berger says, words are magic and we have to use them skillfully. “We think individual words don’t really matter that much. That’s a mistake,” says Berger. “You could have excellent ideas, but excellent ideas aren’t necessarily going to get people to listen to you.”

This article originally appeared last year. It has since been updated.

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​School threatens mom with CPS after missed calls when child was sick. They never called dad.

Other parents echo the mom's frustration and offer support.

Photo credit: Canva

School threatens mom with CPS after missed calls. They never called dad.

Being the default parent can be tough all on its own, but society places an additional burden on mothers to be the default parent. One of the places this shows up is in phone calls home from school. One mom claims that the school threatened to call Child Protective Services (CPS) on her if she did not answer her phone and retrieve her child from school. But the mother works a job where she is not permitted to have her phone on her person, which is why she has the child's father listed as the first contact.

Every year parents register their children for school, they fill out a form for emergency contacts and people permitted to pick up your child in the event a parent can't be there. Parents generally take great pains to fill this information out as accurately as possible, with the preferred parent at the top. This is to ensure the child is never stranded on school grounds if a parent cannot be reached.

default parent; parenting; mom; dad; motherhood; fatherhood; school calls CPS Student daydreaming during class lecture.Photo credit: Canva

Even when parents are divorced or were never married, typically, both the mother and father are listed. Yet schools often default to the mother, no matter what the circumstance. In cases of split custody, the school is generally given a copy of the custody agreement, and the teachers are often made aware of which week or days belong to which parent. In the event the teacher gets things mixed up, most children will inform the teacher which parent to call if they're sick or need to be picked up earlier than usual.

While parents work to coordinate, schools seem to fall into the societal expectation that the mother of the child is the default parent, throwing all instruction out the window. In the original post shared on Reddit, the frustrated mom explains that the school called her a whopping 16 times, though they're aware that her job does not allow her to have her phone. She thought there was some sort of tragedy. Never once between those 16 phone calls did they bother to call her husband.

default parent; parenting; mom; dad; motherhood; fatherhood; school calls CPS Cozy nap time: catching some Z's on the couch.Photo credit: Canva

"I assume she’s been hospitalized or there’s been an active shooter. Something horrible that warrants sixteen calls to the parent they were told not to call. I call the school frantically before even looking at my voice mail and find that they called me because she threw up. Threw up. Blood? Nope. Regular throw up. But because I didn’t answer this woman considered it ‘abandonment’ and made a call to CPS. I asked if they’d called my husband. Nope. Just me! And I didn’t answer, which isn’t allowed."

I've experienced this personally, minus threatening to call CPS. My job requires me to travel to Los Angeles at least once per year. During that timeframe, I inform the teacher in writing that I will be out of town and that my husband will be the primary point of contact for our son. Still, it never fails: at least once while I'm away, I receive a message on Class Dojo informing me of a paper that needs to be signed, a missing library book, or some other trivial thing.

default parent; parenting; mom; dad; motherhood; fatherhood; school calls CPS Focused work in a modern, plant-filled office space.Photo credit: Canva

When this happens, I become the middleman instead of the teacher, going directly to the "parent on duty." This phenomenon appears to be common, given the response to the woman's post, and it's driving both moms and dads insane.

One frustrated mom laments, "You know how many times I’ve had the school say 'your daughters sick' ok, well she’s at her dads house this week and I’m at work 'yeah, your daughter said she was at her dads, but figured you’d want to know' ok well her dad and I do actually talk soo… if she’s not dying, call the right parent??"

A military mom shares, "I was literally deployed and they tried calling me. Sure, that's going to work. Let me just tell my superiors that the school doesn't think I should be deployed when my kid has a fever."

default parent; parenting; mom; dad; motherhood; fatherhood; school calls CPS Multitasking mom: working, baby in arms, and a curious pup.Photo credit: Canva

One dad says he struggles with getting the school to call him first, "I'm supposed to be our main contact. They have my phone number, can text me, we have the school app (like 4 different ones!), they have my work number. I have always been the one in the office, I have always been the one to call them. Annnnnnd; they call my wife"

Another parent says, "It seems like this is common, I work at a car dealership and my wife is a nurse so it's obviously easier for me to leave work. We put my number as the primary contact and they'd still call her, we went as far as to not give her phone number and only give mine and they've still gone out of their way to find her number and call her instead. Now she's the primary contact since that's what they're going to do anyways."

default parent; parenting; mom; dad; motherhood; fatherhood; school calls CPS Caretaker comforts an unwell child with a thermal strip on her forehead.Photo credit: Canva

This dad is the primary parent and the school still doesn't call him: "It’s an absolute fight to get them to call me. I have my kids 2/3 of the time, take them to all appointments and extracurriculars, pack all the lunches, pick them up when there’s an emergency, sign all the paperwork, volunteer in their school and they STILL ALWAYS call their mom."

Clearly, this is societal stereotype that should be put to bed. Dads have become more involved as a whole as each decade passes, splitting domestic labor with their parenting partner more equitably. There are plenty of very capable fathers who care for their children just as well, if not better in some cases, than the mother.

Thankfully, in the case of the original Reddit post, the mother doesn't believe the school actually called CPS, but her experiences highlight the need for a shift in perspective when it comes to who can be the primary parent.

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Woman's whimsical 'Wheel of Fortune' guess is so bad it made her an instant legend

People prefer her guess to the actual answer.

@Rick_Life_Coach/X

Can you solve this "Wheel of Fortune" puzzle?

Watching a game show from the comfort of home is easy. Being on one is a totally different ball game. The lights, the cameras, the pressure. It's enough to make anyone's brain freeze up. And is there any game show that allows contestants to royally embarrass themselves on national TV quite like Wheel of Fortune? There’s always someone going viral for taking a big swing and missing on a phrase that seemed pretty apparent to the casual viewer. And when you take a big loss on a WOF word puzzle, there are a lot of folks shaking their heads at home. More than 8 million people watch the game show every night. Yikes.

One rather notorious of the wheel was Gishma Tabari from Encino, California, whose fantasy-inspired whiff of a common phrase back in 2023 earned her a lot of groans and some support from those who thought her imagination was inspiring. The 3-word puzzle read: “TH _ _ RITI _ S _ GR _ E,” and Tabari offered the answer, “The British Ogre.” The guess surprised host Pat Sajak, who responded, "Uh, no.” Tabari must have missed that there was a space between the R and the E in the puzzle, so ogre would have had to be spelled with 2 Rs.

She also probably wasn’t aware that England isn’t a place known for its ogres. The correct answer was: “The Critics Agree.”

The answer inspired a lot of activity on X, where people couldn’t believe someone could come up with such a fanciful answer to a puzzle with such a straightforward solution.







One person even created a lovely image of what could be the British Ogre.

Although…not everyone had a problem with the guess.

"OK, the puzzle was clearly THE CRITICS AGREE but to be honest I prefer THE BRITISH OGRE because the puzzles could use some more wacky originality sometimes.#WheelOfFortune"— Pasha Paterson (@zer0bandwidth) December 13, 2023

On the bright side, the incorrect guess is an opportunity for the world to learn that ogres aren’t a significant part of English folklore. Sure, there are characters in English myths and legends that have ogre-like qualities, such as Grendel from "Beowulf," the monstrous creature that terrorizes the mead hall of King Hrothgar. There’s also the Boggart, a mischievous spirit much like a hobgoblin and trolls, which appear in some English tales although they originate in Scandinavia.

If you’re looking for ogres in Europe, France is the best place to go.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

The word ogre is of French descent and comes from the name of the Etruscan god of the underworld, Orcus. Orcus is a large, ugly, bearded giant who enjoys consuming human flesh. Ogres are primarily known for eating children, which they believe will give them eternal life.

As for Wheel of Fortune, the show will undergo significant changes over the next few years. The show’s host, Pat Sajak, 76, stepped down from the show at the end of the 2024 season after hosting it for 41 years. In September 2024, radio host and “American Idol” emcee Ryan Seacrest took over the hosting spot.

Although, it was just announced that Sajak would be making a special guest appearance on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune, performing what he called "Final Spin."

And in case you're wondering how Tabari is doing: on her Instagram she wears her "Wheel of Fortune Flub Girl" title with pride, declaring she is "British Ogre for life."

This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

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There are 3 central types of empathy and we all need to understand them much better

Here's what cognitive, emotional, and compassionate empathy mean.

Photo credit: Canva

Empathy is different than sympathy.

Is empathy a real thing? Is it even possible to feel what another person feels if you've not experienced what they are going through? What differentiates it from sympathy or compassion?

While sympathy and empathy are often interchanged and overlap in meaning, the way the words are used differs. If we're looking dictionary definitions, Merriam-Webster sums up the differences:

Sympathy is a feeling of sincere concern for someone who is experiencing something difficult or painful. Empathy involves actively sharing in the person’s emotional experience.

In other words, sympathy is feeling for someone, while empathy is feeling with someone. While some might feel it's impossible to feel empathy for a person if you haven't experienced exactly what they have, that's not really an accurate depiction of what empathy entails. Digging into the three types of empathy—cognitive, emotional, and compassionate—may help us understand.

Cognitive Empathy

The word "cognitive" refers to "conscious intellectual activity (such as thinking, reasoning, or remembering)" and cognitive empathy is "the ability to identify and understand emotions of others."

Essentially, cognitive empathy means we can look at a person's experience, use our intellect to imagine what it would feel like, and form an understanding of how the person is feeling. For instance, let's say your friend's dog died and you've never even had a dog. If you have knowledge of how close the bond can be between a human and a dog, and you've seen how much your friend loved their dog, you can imagine how they are feeling. You don't have to have lost a dog yourself in order to imagine yourself having a close bond with dog and losing them.

empathy, cognitive empathy, sympathy, compassion, emotions Cognitive empathy involves understanding how others feel.Photo credit: Canva

Another example of cognitive empathy is when you see a refugee finally get resettled after fleeing a war zone and sitting for years in limbo and being able to understand their feelings of relief and hope. You don't have to have lived with war or waited years for safety and security in order to understand the feelings those experiences would evoke.

Cognitive empathy allows us to connect with others through an understanding of emotions. It says, "I can see things through your eyes and understand why you feel the way you do."

Emotional Empathy

What sets emotional empathy apart from cognitive empathy is the role our own emotions play. Emotional empathy isn't just understanding; it's experiencing the emotions of the other person. If your friend whose dog died starts to cry and you start to cry, too, that's emotional empathy. If you see the relief on the face of the refugee and find your shoulders dropping and your heart rate slowing and a feeling of calm come over you, that's emotional empathy.

empathy, emotional empathy, affective empathy, compassion, emotions Emotional or affective empathy means feeling what another feels.Photo credit: Canva

Emotional empathy doesn't necessarily mean you've experienced what the other person is experiencing, but rather that you share the emotions of the other person in response to their experience. Tearing up when others cry, feeling joyous when others celebrate, getting angry when others are mad—all manifestations of emotional empathy.

While emotional empathy (also known as affective empathy) can creates strong connections with people, it can also be exhausting if it's not kept in check.

Compassionate Empathy

While sometimes wrapped into the former two, compassionate empathy differs in that it's marked by a desire to act. When you understand a person's feelings and/or feel along with them and want to do something to alleviate their pain or suffering, that's compassionate empathy (sometimes also called "empathic concern").

Let's say you met that refugee while they were still in limbo and afraid for their future. Compassionate empathy might lead you to look for programs that could help them or to volunteer with refugee organizations to help others in similar circumstances.

Empathy helps us connect with our fellow humans and encourages social cohesion. Without empathy, it's much easier to turn a blind eye to injustice and suffering.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Understanding empathy is important not only for connecting with others going through a difficult time, but for all relationships with others in our lives. For instance, psychologist Dr. Daniel Goleman explains the three types of empathy in the context of leadership and why having all three creates the best foundation for effective leadership.

“In general, empathy is a powerful predictor of things we consider to be positive behaviors that benefit society, individuals, and relationships,” Karina Schumann, PhD, a professor of social psychology at the University of Pittsburgh, told Upworthy. “Scholars have shown across domains that empathy motivates many types of prosocial behaviors, such as forgiveness, volunteering, and helping, and that it’s negatively associated with things like aggression and bullying.”

Empathy comes more naturally to some than others, especially considering these three manifestations of it, but it's a skill that everyone can cultivate. The American Psychological Association suggests multiple ways people can consciously boost their empathy:

- Expose yourself to differences (which helps to provide more context for other people's perspectives)

- Read more fiction (character-driven stories can help us better understand people's thoughts, feelings, and motivations)

- Harness oxytocin (increase this social hormone through more eye contact and soft physical touch)

- Identify common ground (the more we see ourselves in others the more easily we find empathy)

- Ask questions (the more we know about one another, the better we understand)

- Know your blocks (learn where you struggle with empathy and work through those struggles)

- Second-guess yourself (stay humble and open to learning, questioning your negative assumptions about people)

A world with more empathy benefits us all in the long run, so it's worth understanding what it entails and how to cultivate it in ourselves.

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Most Americans agree bed sheets get 'gross' after 35 days. Here's what experts say.

Bad news for the once-a-month washers out there.

Photo credit: Canva
The rest of your bedding doesn't need to be washed as often.

Can we all be honest with each other for a minute? If you were to ask a random group of people, "How often do you wash your sheets?" you'd likely get drastically different answers. There are the "Every single Sunday without fail" folks, the "Who on Earth washes their sheets weekly?!?" people and everyone in between.

According to a survey of 1,000 Americans conducted by Mattress Advisor, the average time between sheet changings or washings in the U.S. is 24 days—or every 3 1/2 weeks, approximately. The same survey revealed that 35 days is the average interval at which unwashed sheets are "gross."

washing sheets, bedding, how often should you wash your sheets, making the bed Apparently, most Americans don't wash their sheets as often as experts recommend.Photo credit: Canva

Some of you are cringing at those stats while others are thinking, "That sounds about right." But how often should you wash your sheets, according to experts?

How often should you wash your sheets?

Hint: It's a lot more frequent than 24 days.

While there is no definitive number of days or weeks, most experts recommend swapping out used sheets for clean ones every week or two.

Dermatologist Alok Vij, MD told Cleveland Clinic that people should wash their sheets at least every two weeks, but probably more often if you have pets, live in a hot climate, sweat a lot, are recovering from illness, have allergies or asthma, or if you sleep naked.

washing sheets, bedding, how often should you wash your sheets Experts recommend washing sheet every week or two.Photo credit: Canva

We shed dead skin all the time, and friction helps those dead skin cells slough off, so imagine what's happening every time you roll over and your skin rubs on the sheets. It's normal to sweat in your sleep, too, so that's also getting on your sheets. And then there's dander and dust mites and dirt that we carry around on us just from living in the world, all combining to make for pretty dirty sheets in a fairly short period of time, even if they look "clean."

Maybe if you shower before bed and always wear clean pajamas you could get by with a two-week sheet swap cycle, but weekly sheet cleaning seems to be the general consensus among the experts. The New York Times consulted five books about laundry and cleaning habits, and once a week was what they all recommend.

Sorry, once-a-monthers. You may want to step up your sheet game a bit.

washing sheets, bedding, how often should you wash your sheets, making the bed The rest of your bedding doesn't need to be washed as often.Photo credit: Canva

What about the rest of your bedding? Blankets and comforters and whatnot?

Sleep.com recommends washing your duvet cover once a week, but this depends on whether you use a top sheet. Somewhere between the Gen X and Millennial eras, young folks stopped being about the top sheet life, just using their duvet with no top sheet. If that's you, wash that baby once a week. If you do use a top sheet, you can go a couple weeks longer on the duvet cover.

For blankets and comforters and duvet inserts, Sleep.com says every 3 months. And for decorative blankets and quilts that you don't really use, once a year washing will suffice.

washing sheets, bedding, how often should you wash your sheets, pillows Do you need to wash your pillows occasionally? Experts recommend it.Photo credit: Canva

What about pillows? Pillowcases should go in with the weekly sheet washing, but pillows themselves should be washed every 3 to 6 months. Washing pillows can be a pain, and if you don't do it right, you can end up with a lumpy pillow, but it's a good idea because between your sweat, saliva and skin cells, pillows can start harboring bacteria.

Finally, how about the mattress itself? Home influencers on TikTok can often be seen stripping their beds, sprinkling their mattress with baking soda, brushing it into the mattress fibers and then vacuuming it all out. Architectural Digest says the longer you leave baking soda on the mattress, the better—at least a few hours, but preferably overnight. Some people add a few drops of essential oil to the baking soda for some extra yummy smell.

@suzieqssss

Baking soda absorbs moisture and or odor and breaks down any residue that builds up! If you have allergies you should be doing this more often! #cleaning #lifehack #tiktokshopcybermonday #tiktokshopblackfriday #mattressvacuumcleaner

If that all sounds like way too much work, maybe just start with the sheets. Pick a day of the week and make it your sheet washing day. You might find that climbing into a clean, fresh set of sheets more often is a nice way to feel pampered without a whole lot of effort.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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