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What parents want their black sons to do when they're stopped by the cops

It's not a matter of if their sons will encounter the police, it's when. So they want them to be prepared.

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Open Society Foundations

These guys are dads. They've also been stopped by the cops.

"As I'm putting my hands on the steering wheel so I don't make the police nervous, I realize how nervous I was, and then I realize my children were nervous."


"Some people pull us out of the car, throw us on the floor. It's in February, so it's, like, snow and slush and stuff on the ground, put their knees in our back, put the guns to our head."

Whether they're traveling with their kids or solo, these fathers have something in common. At times, they've all felt unfairly targeted by the police due to their race.

In an effort to keep their sons ahead of the curve, they're giving them "the cop talk" in advance. Emmy-Award-winning filmmakers Geeta Gandbhir and Blair Foster, along with an awesome production team including Perri Peltz, Michele Stephenson, and Joe Brewster, put these chats on tape.

It grew into a five-minute documentary called "A Conversation with My Black Son," originally published by The New York Times' Op-Docs section. It features parents sharing advice with their sons on how to interact with the police.

Geeta told Upworthy exclusively:

"This conversation, which has been happening in the black community for generations, will resound with parents everywhere. It's a universal desire to want your children to be safe."

As a mom to two African-American boys, the filmmaker interviewed parents from her inner circle. Although all of them are parenting young black men, the tips they each had for their sons while interacting with cops were totally different. Here are a few from both moms and dads:

  • "Do what they say; don't get into any arguments."
  • "Make sure your hands are out of your pockets so they can see."
  • "Under no circumstance are you to talk to the police if you're arrested until I get there."
  • "It's not like 'Please, master, don't whip me.' No, it's like, 'Excuse me, sir, what is your badge number? I'm going to film this.'"
  • "If you want police brutality to stop, if you want police to treat you like a human being, then you have to see yourself as a human being."

Doling out advice like this didn't come easy. Some parents shed some tears. Others smiled uncomfortably.

They said:

  • "It's maddening; I get so frustrated and angry about having to prepare my kids for something that they're not responsible for."
  • "You can put your hands up and cooperate and say that I'm choking and still be killed ... then there's no repercussions."
  • "It doesn't mean that every police officer is inherently a bad person, but what it does mean is that the police force, that institution, does not look out for your best interest."

"A Conversation with My Black Son" is first in a series of documentaries that Geeta and her team launched after the string of police brutality incidents in Florida, Missouri, and Ohio. The film is part of a larger interactive series in production, that will be released in partnership with Op-Docs. It will include a speaking tour that candidly discusses the current state of race relations in the U.S.

Geeta has two goals: "to create a safe space where uncomfortable conversations about race and civil rights can happen ... that allow different communities to experience each other's realities without feeling accused or attacked" and to educate black kids.

"We do believe that an age-appropriate conversation about the obstacles commonly faced by African-American children will help them adjust to those obstacles and develop coping strategies that will serve them for a lifetime." — Geeta Gandbhir

To hear more from these brave parents, you can hear their thoughts below.

Joy

Nurse turns inappropriate things men say in the delivery room into ‘inspirational’ art

"Can you move to the birthing ball so I can sleep in the bed?"

Holly the delivery nurse.

After working six years as a labor and delivery nurse Holly, 30, has heard a lot of inappropriate remarks made by men while their partners are in labor. “Sometimes the moms think it’s funny—and if they think it’s funny, then I’ll laugh with them,” Holly told TODAY Parents. “But if they get upset, I’ll try to be the buffer. I’ll change the subject.”

Some of the comments are so wrong that she did something creative with them by turning them into “inspirational” quotes and setting them to “A Thousand Miles” by Vanessa Carlton on TikTok.

“Some partners are hard to live up to!” she jokingly captioned the video.

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All images provided by Adewole Adamson

It begins with more inclusive conversations at a patient level

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Adewole Adamson, MD, of the University of Texas, Austin, aims to create more equity in health care by gathering data from more diverse populations by using artificial intelligence (AI), a type of machine learning. Dr. Adamson’s work is funded by the American Cancer Society (ACS), an organization committed to advancing health equity through research priorities, programs and services for groups who have been marginalized.

Melanoma became a particular focus for Dr. Adamson after meeting Avery Smith, who lost his wife—a Black woman—to the deadly disease.

melanoma,  melanoma for dark skin Avery Smith (left) and Adamson (sidenote)

This personal encounter, coupled with multiple conversations with Black dermatology patients, drove Dr. Adamson to a concerning discovery: as advanced as AI is at detecting possible skin cancers, it is heavily biased.

To understand this bias, it helps to first know how AI works in the early detection of skin cancer, which Dr. Adamson explains in his paper for the New England Journal of Medicine (paywall). The process uses computers that rely on sets of accumulated data to learn what healthy or unhealthy skin looks like and then create an algorithm to predict diagnoses based on those data sets.

This process, known as supervised learning, could lead to huge benefits in preventive care.

After all, early detection is key to better outcomes. The problem is that the data sets don’t include enough information about darker skin tones. As Adamson put it, “everything is viewed through a ‘white lens.’”

“If you don’t teach the algorithm with a diverse set of images, then that algorithm won’t work out in the public that is diverse,” writes Adamson in a study he co-wrote with Smith (according to a story in The Atlantic). “So there’s risk, then, for people with skin of color to fall through the cracks.”

Tragically, Smith’s wife was diagnosed with melanoma too late and paid the ultimate price for it. And she was not an anomaly—though the disease is more common for White patients, Black cancer patients are far more likely to be diagnosed at later stages, causing a notable disparity in survival rates between non-Hispanics whites (90%) and non-Hispanic blacks (66%).

As a computer scientist, Smith suspected this racial bias and reached out to Adamson, hoping a Black dermatologist would have more diverse data sets. Though Adamson didn’t have what Smith was initially looking for, this realization ignited a personal mission to investigate and reduce disparities.

Now, Adamson uses the knowledge gained through his years of research to help advance the fight for health equity. To him, that means not only gaining a wider array of data sets, but also having more conversations with patients to understand how socioeconomic status impacts the level and efficiency of care.

“At the end of the day, what matters most is how we help patients at the patient level,” Adamson told Upworthy. “And how can you do that without knowing exactly what barriers they face?”

american cancer society, skin cacner treatment"What matters most is how we help patients at the patient level."https://www.kellydavidsonstudio.com/

The American Cancer Society believes everyone deserves a fair and just opportunity to prevent, find, treat, and survive cancer—regardless of how much money they make, the color of their skin, their sexual orientation, gender identity, their disability status, or where they live. Inclusive tools and resources on the Health Equity section of their website can be found here. For more information about skin cancer, visit cancer.org/skincancer.

The mesmerizing lost art of darning knit fabric.

For most of human history, people had to make their own clothing by hand, and sewing skills were subsequently passed down from generation to generation. Because clothing was so time-consuming and labor-intensive to make, people also had to know how to repair clothing items that got torn or damaged in some way.

The invention of sewing and knitting machines changed the way we acquire clothing, and the skills people used to possess have largely gone by the wayside. If we get a hole in a sock nowadays, we toss it and replace it. Most of us have no idea how to darn a sock or fix a hole in any knit fabric. It's far easier for us to replace than to repair.

But there are still some among us who do have the skills to repair clothing in a way that makes it look like the rip, tear or hole never happened, and to watch them do it is mesmerizing.

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Pop Culture

Artist uses AI to create ultra realistic portraits of celebrities who left us too soon

What would certain icons look like if nothing had happened to them?

Mercury would be 76 today.

Some icons have truly left this world too early. It’s a tragedy when anyone doesn’t make it to see old age, but when it happens to a well-known public figure, it’s like a bit of their art and legacy dies with them. What might Freddie Mercury have created if he were granted the gift of long life? Bruce Lee? Princess Diana?

Their futures might be mere musings of our imagination, but thanks to a lot of creativity (and a little tech) we can now get a glimpse into what these celebrities might have looked like when they were older.

Alper Yesiltas, an Istanbul-based lawyer and photographer, created a photography series titled “As If Nothing Happened,” which features eerily realistic portraits of long gone celebrities in their golden years. To make the images as real looking as possible, Yesiltas incorporated various photo editing programs such as Adobe Lightroom and VSCO, as well as the AI photo-enhancing software Remini.

“The hardest part of the creative process for me is making the image feel ‘real’ to me,” Yesiltas wrote about his passion project. “The moment I like the most is when I think the image in front of me looks as if it was taken by a photographer.”

Yesiltas’ meticulousness paid off, because the results are uncanny.

Along with each photo, Yesiltas writes a bittersweet message “wishing” how things might have gone differently … as if nothing happened.
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