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Trans woman shares tearjerking recording of coming out to her 89-year-old grandmother

“Whoever’s in there, I love.”

By

Jacalyn Wetzel

trans visibility; coming out story; LGBTQ community; LGBTQ support; positive coming out stories
Trans woman shares grandmother's moving reaction to coming out – Photo credit: Courtesy of Jenna Tea

Coming out as a member of the LGBTQ community can be difficult for a multitude of reasons with one of the biggest concerns being rejection. This can make the stakes to coming out to family members feel extremely high, especially if you’re very close to them. The last thing people want to do is disappoint people they love, especially when that disappointment is inextricably tied to their existence as a person.

It’s no wonder people don’t always come out to everyone right away but sometimes others make the decision for us by sharing private information with people we weren’t ready to share it with yet. That’s exactly what happened to a woman that goes by Jenna Tea on social media. Jenna is a trans woman who had not revealed that information to her 89-year-old grandmother so when someone took it upon themselves to share the news, she decided to talk with her grandmother herself.

What transpired was an interaction so beautiful that it’s causing some people on the internet to break out in tears.

Thankfully, Jenna thought to record the interaction to keep for her own memories. She explains to Upworthy, “Someone in my family actually told her that I was trans and this conversation we had was the first time we ever talked about it, she was saying such sweet things and I remember thinking to myself that I wanted to remember this moment forever so I took my phone out and just started recording, she has macular degeneration so she couldn’t see that I was recording and it made for one of the most authentic wholesome moments of my life.”

The audio recording is playing in the background of the video Jenna uploaded to her social media account. Pictures and videos of Jenna as a child and ones with her grandmother pre-transition in drag flash on the screen as her grandma’s sweet words play.

“You have to do what makes you happy. It’s something we have to adjust to and sometimes it’s hard for other people but they’re not living your life, you are. It’s kind of their problem to readjust so the best thing is to put it out there and deal with it and it is what it is,” Jenna’s grandmother can be heard saying.



Being supportive isn’t new for the grandmother, Jenna shares with Upworthy, “she has always been extremely welcoming and accepting of me and everyone around her. I am also a drag queen and doing drag was the way I found my trans identity! She has been to a few of my shows and she absolutely loves them and so I knew that she wouldn’t have reacted in a bad way, however I wasn’t expecting HOW accepting she would be. Out of everybody in my family she has taken it the best and it truly amazes me. I am so lucky to have the support I do in my family and the world is lucky she is in it!”

Putting together the video was extremely emotional for Jenna, she shares in her caption that she sobbed the entire time, which translated to making strangers on the internet cry.

“I AM IN TEARS THIS MORNING SEEING THIS — THIS IS SO LOVELY,” someone writes.

“I made it to 9am before I got emotional over someone on the internet,” another person cries.

“This made me sob. I have a five year old child who has internal struggles that I saw in myself at a young age. I have a deep knowing and I love them so much. We have days where they ask me if we can pretend they’re a girl and we do!! I just wanna play with them and love them forever. I’m so happy you experienced this love in your life, everyone deserves it. You made my day, thank you,” one mom shares.

The support Jenna is receiving in the comments is another heartwarming layer to her story. Grandmas can seem like magic when we’re little kids but watching their love and support grow as you learn who you are can be priceless.

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  • Man shares how not getting a wedding invite made him end a 10-year friendship, and it struck a chord
    A man shared how not getting an wedding invite made him end an 10-year friendship. – Photo credit: @yonosoyasi5/TikTok
    ,

    Man shares how not getting a wedding invite made him end a 10-year friendship, and it struck a chord

    “I went through so much with this person that I thought I had made the cut.”

    Heather Wake

    As many are in the habit of doing, a man recently took to TikTok to “vent.” His “story time” was about his choice to end a 10-year friendship after not getting invited to said friend’s wedding. It soon became undeniably clear that he wasn’t alone in having an experience like this. 

    In the now-viral clip, the creator, @yonosoyasi5, explained that he understood that weddings are special, expensive moments, and therefore “not everyone can go.” 

    However, he admitted that “I went through so much with this person that I thought I had made the cut.”

    @yonosoyasi5

    ♬ original sound – yonosoyasi5

    This blow ultimately caused @yonosoyasi5 to accept that the friendship as he knew it had come to a close. There was no animosity, but there wasn’t any effort, either. 

     “I wish him the best. I never wish him ill. But to say that I wanna be a part of his life now, it would be very fake. I just don’t care anymore,” he said. 

    Even when confronted by a member of that shared friend group, @yonosoyasi5 was upfront about his stance, saying, “What am I gonna hang out with him for? What’s the objective of me putting energy into this friendship?”

    TikTok reacts

    The video soon got an onslaught of comments from people who had similarly heartbreaking experiences—and developed similar mindsets. 

    “One of my BEST guy friends for 8+ years did not invite me to his wedding. I introduced him to his wife. They went out because of me. I have never been more hurt in my life. I cut off the relationship …and they always try to pull me back closer…I can never pull the knife out of my back.”

    “It’s not actually the wedding invite, it’s finding out the person doesn’t see you as a close friend.”

    “Once you exclude me from important moments, I will exclude you from my entire life.”

    “I think at our age we want to get back what we put into friendships/relationships. You love with your whole heart, so to not have it reciprocated is hurtful. I feel ya.”

    “Crazy…this happened to me…20 years of growing up down the drain.” 

    Lastly, one person even said, “friendship breakups are WORSE than romantic breakups.” 

    woman, alone, grief, breakup, friendship
    Woman sitting alone on a bench overlooking the water. – Photo credit: Canva Photos

    Many experts seem to agree with this notion. Or, at the very least, that friendship loss triggers what’s known as “ambiguous grief,” which is the feeling of anguish that comes from losing someone physically while they are psychologically present (e.g., missing person, mental illness, divorce). Our stress responses are triggered, our feel-good chemicals get depleted, our sleep gets disrupted—which is all a science-based way of saying it hurts. Really bad.

    This level of ambiguous grief really depends on what the friendship personally meant to a person. In @yonosoyasi5’s case, it meant a great deal. Thankfully, there are ways to navigate these difficult transitions. 

    Coping strategies for friendship loss
    1. Allow yourself to grieve

    Even once you’ve reached acceptance and found other meaningful relationships, waves of yearning for what’s past may still creep up. Allow space for those feelings. They will pass. 

    2. Use it as a learning opportunity

    Without assigning blame, you can get curious about what might have caused the relationship to end. This way, you can set clear friendship intentions moving forward. 

    3. Engage in self-care

    Journal, meditate, reclaim old passions, exercise, and get outdoors. These things tend to help with grief of all kinds. 

    4. Appreciate the support systems you still have

    Taking stock of the good friends that remain in your life can help offset any feelings of loneliness and reinforce a sense of belonging, experts say. 

    Bottom line: cutting someone out of our lives hurts, but that pain might truly be the lesser evil in the long run. May we all have the foresight to know the difference and seek out those who do give us such grace. 

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  • Woman on a mission to bring back lost Black American recipes has people gasping at vinegar pie
    Woman on a mission to bring back lost recipes has people gasping at vinegar pie. – Photo credit: Canva
    ,

    Woman on a mission to bring back lost Black American recipes has people gasping at vinegar pie

    Most of the recipes were created out of poverty to provide families with a sweet treat.

    Jacalyn Wetzel

    People get very creative when it comes to cooking with limited ingredients and no budget. This combination is something people who lived through the Great Depression were very familiar with. It’s also something Black Americans experienced frequently in the 1800s, but time has stolen many of the ingenious recipes. Until now.

    One woman is on a mission to dig up these lost recipes for Black History Month. All February, Sonja Norwood, who runs the social media page for Wick’d Confections and owns Sonja Norwood Custom Cookies, has been baking up long-lost Black American recipes. Though the ingredients have folks scratching their heads, her videos clear things up by sharing each dish’s history.

    @wickdconfections

    Peanuts became a major Southern crop after the Civil War, and at Tuskegee Institute, George Washington Carver helped popularize peanuts as an affordable, soil-restoring crop with hundreds of uses. In Black Southern kitchens, that peanut power turned into breads, cookies, cakes, candy… and survival baking. During the Great Depression and WWII rationing, butter, eggs, and milk were often scarce. Peanut butter became the substitute for fat and protein, and peanut butter bread became a school-lunch staple and family recipe passed down through generations. Serve warm with a nostalgic molasses glaze and you’ll understand why this deserves a comeback 🤎 🥜 Peanut Butter Bread (One-bowl, no eggs, no butter) Ingredients 1 ¾ cups all-purpose flour (220 g) ½ cup granulated sugar (100 g) ¼ cup brown sugar (50 g) 1 tbsp baking powder ½ tsp salt 1 cup milk (240 ml) ¾ cup creamy peanut butter (190 g) 1 tsp vanilla extract Optional topping: 2 tbsp sugar Instructions 1️⃣ Preheat oven to 350°F / 175°C. Grease a 9×5 loaf pan. 2️⃣ Whisk flour, sugars, baking powder, salt. 3️⃣ Add milk, peanut butter, vanilla. Mix until just combined. 4️⃣ Spread into pan, sprinkle sugar if using. 5️⃣ Bake 50–60 min until toothpick comes out clean. 6️⃣ Cool 15 min, remove, slice. ✨ Molasses Glaze 2 tbsp butter (28 g) 3 tbsp molasses (45 ml) 2 tbsp milk (30 ml) 1 cup powdered sugar (120 g) ¼ tsp vanilla + pinch salt Optional: pinch cinnamon or ginger Melt butter, whisk in molasses + milk until warm. Remove from heat and whisk in powdered sugar until smooth. Stir in vanilla and salt. #BlackHistory BlackHistoryn#TikTokLearningCampaignFoodHistorye#VintageRecipes

    ♬ original sound – Wick’d Confections

    One particular recipe caused the former Food Network contestant to give a disclaimer before tasting it, saying, “Before I try this, we understand that there’s a reason this pie exists, right? It’s genius. Very creative. That does not mean I have to like it.”

    A unique recipe

    Norwood tried her hand at vinegar pie, and just like viewers of the video, the baker was unsure how the dessert would turn out:

    “Vinegar pie, also known as desperation pie, is classified as a pantry or make-do pie. As you can tell, this pie was born out of necessity, when fruit or citrus lemons were hard to come by. Home cooks used what they had on hand. Simple pantry staples to make something sweet, like sugar, eggs, butter, flour, and salt. A lot of people associate vinegar pie with the Great Depression, when fresh fruit was super expensive and scarce, but recipes go back much further. As early as 1855.”

    @wickdconfections

    Navy Bean Pie 🥧✨ A true heritage dessert with deep roots in Black American food culture. This traditional navy bean pie has a smooth, firm custard texture — rich, lightly spiced, and beautifully sliceable without hours of chilling. Simple ingredients, timeless flavor, and a recipe shaped by community and history. 🥧 Classic Navy Bean Pie (9-inch) Texture: traditional • smooth • firm custard • faster set Crust
• 1 (9-inch) pie crust (homemade or store-bought) Filling
• 1½ cups cooked navy beans (300 g) OR 1 (15-oz) can, drained & rinsed
• ¾ cup unsalted butter, melted (170 g)
• 1 cup evaporated milk (240 ml)
• 4 large eggs
• 1 cup granulated sugar (200 g)
• 2 tbsp all-purpose flour (15 g)
• 1 tbsp cornstarch (8 g)
• 1 tbsp vanilla extract
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• ½ tsp nutmeg
• ½ tsp salt ⭐ If using canned beans (flavor boost)
• Rinse well
• Simmer in fresh water 5–10 minutes
• Drain completely Instructions
1️⃣ Preheat oven to 350°F / 175°C
2️⃣ Blend beans until completely smooth and creamy
3️⃣ Whisk butter, sugar, eggs, milk, vanilla, spices, flour, and cornstarch
4️⃣ Stir in blended beans until smooth
5️⃣ Pour into crust and smooth top
6️⃣ Bake 45–55 minutes (edges set, center barely jiggles)
7️⃣ Cool 1 hour at room temp, chill 1 hour for clean slices Slice, serve, and enjoy ✨ BlackHiBlackHistorynLearnOnTikTokeBeanPiesFoodHistoryalCooking

    ♬ original sound – Wick’d Confections

    For the recipe, the custom cookie maker used vanilla, honey, and apple cider vinegar in the runny mixture. At first glance, it’s hard to see how this could turn into a pie meant to be cut and eaten with a fork, as it has the consistency of French toast batter. But once it’s poured into a pie pan and popped into the oven, it begins to look like a pie.

    “Black cooks in the South and the Midwest adapted pantry-based dishes like this into their family food culture,” Norwood shares while mixing ingredients. “So you were going to see this pie at Sunday dinner and on special occasions, and it doesn’t taste the way you think a vinegar pie would taste. The acidity cuts through the sweetness and mimics lemon pie without the fruit.”

    @wickdconfections

    Lost Black American Recipes: Vinegar Pie 🥧 To kick off Black History Month, I’m starting a series honoring lost and forgotten Black American recipes—beginning with vinegar pie. Also known as desperation pie or pantry pie, this dessert was born from necessity. When fruit and citrus were scarce, home cooks used simple pantry staples to create something sweet, comforting, and joyful. Made with sugar, eggs, butter, and a splash of apple cider vinegar, vinegar pie has a flaky crust and a rich custard filling. The vinegar doesn’t make it sour—it adds brightness, mimicking the tang of fruit and balancing the sweetness. It’s a reminder of how Black foodways transform struggle into creativity and care. 🖤 Vinegar Pie Recipe (9-inch pie): 4 eggs ½ cup sugar ½ cup brown sugar ½ tsp vanilla 6 tbsp butter, melted 2 tbsp apple cider vinegar 2 tbsp honey 2 tbsp flour ¾ tsp salt Unbaked 9-inch pie crust Blind bake crust at 350°F (175°C). Whisk remaining ingredients until smooth, pour into crust, and bake 35–45 minutes. The center should still wobble slightly when gently shaken. Cool completely and dust with powdered sugar. Follow along as we honor Black history through food—one lost recipe at a time. #BlackHistoryMonth #BlackAmericanFood #LostRecipes #BlackFoodHistory #FoodReels

    ♬ original sound – Wick’d Confections

    Viewers were shocked at how good the pie looked when it was done. Some even plan to give the Black American recipe a try. One person writes, “I[t] looks good and it was way less vinegar than my mind thought lol.”

    Another says, “This looks so good! My grandma is 93 born & raised in Georgia and she swears by this pie & buttermilk pie. She watched this & just kept saying ‘yup, yup’ so I know it’s good.”

    This person appreciates the history: “I appreciated acknowledging that it came out of necessity and that you don’t have to like it. Sometimes people have to make due with what they have and it’s not always what you necessarily want.”

    @wickdconfections

    Lost Black American Recipes: Blackberries & Dumplings 🍇🥟 Blackberries and dumplings is a sweet summertime dish rooted in Black American food culture. When sugar and money were scarce, the land provided. Black families relied on foraging, gathering blackberries that grew freely along fence lines, woods, and roadsides across the South. What began as necessity became tradition — turning simple ingredients into a communal, nourishing meal. Passed down orally and cooked intuitively, this dish was rarely written into cookbooks. Flour stretched what little was available, dumplings absorbed the berry juices, and one pot could feed many for very little. Though we still see cobblers today, blackberries and dumplings remain a largely forgotten seasonal treat — one deeply connected to land, resilience, and care. Blackberries & Dumplings Recipe Blackberry Syrup: 4 cups blackberries 1 cup sugar 2 cups water 1 tbsp lemon juice Lemon zest Dumplings: 2 cups flour ¼ cup sugar 1½ tsp baking powder ½ tsp salt ¼ tsp nutmeg ¾ cup milk 1 egg 1 tsp vanilla Simmer blackberries with sugar, water, lemon juice, and zest until juicy. Mix dumpling dough until it feels right. Drop spoonfuls into simmering berries, don’t stir, cover and cook 15 minutes. Uncover and simmer 5 more minutes. Serve warm with plenty of syrup. Follow along as I honor Black history through lost recipes — one pot at a time. #BlackHistory #TikTokLearningCampaign #BlackAmericanFood #LostRecipes #FoodHistory

    ♬ original sound – Wick’d Confections

    “This is brilliantly done,” someone else writes. “Showing the ingenuity and innovation of Black folks is beautiful! This video is information and funny! I’m glad you actually liked the pie. Def going to ask my 90 year old granny about this recipe. Thanks for posting this.”

    Vinegar Pie Recipe (9-inch pie):

    4 eggs
    ½ cup sugar
    ½ cup brown sugar
    ½ tsp vanilla
    6 tbsp butter, melted
    2 tbsp apple cider vinegar
    2 tbsp honey
    2 tbsp flour
    ¾ tsp salt
    Unbaked 9-inch pie crust

    Blind bake crust at 350°F (175°C). Whisk remaining ingredients until smooth, pour into crust, and bake 35–45 minutes. The center should still wobble slightly when gently shaken. Cool completely and dust with powdered sugar.

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  • This plus size figure skater is uplifting girls everywhere with her astonishing moves
    Figure skater Laine Dubin doesn't fit the stereotypical mold, and that's why young skaters love her. – Photo credit: Canva Photos
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    This plus size figure skater is uplifting girls everywhere with her astonishing moves

    An incredible display of grace and athleticism.

    Evan Porter

    Upworthy Staff

    The winter Olympic viewership numbers don’t lie: Figure skating is one of the most beloved sports in the world. Honestly, is there anything more beautiful and graceful? It’s got the gorgeous aesthetics of gymnastics and dance combined with an almost other-worldliness as the skaters glide and fly around the ice. There’s a reason people can’t seem to look away from the rink when the Olympics roll around every couple of years.

    However, the sport of ice skating comes with certain expectations or even stereotypes of what the skaters body should look like. For women, most high level skaters are almost always extremely petite and slight. It stands to reason that this body type must be a requirement to perform at a high level, right?

    Wrong. Laine Dubin is one skater who’s out to prove that there’s no “right way” for an athlete to look.

    figure skating, skater, ice skating, plus size, inspiration, girls
    There's no one right way for an athlete to look. Photo by Kelli McClintock on Unsplash

    Dubin, most recently a student at Quinnipiac University where she was a standout on the skating team, began posting videos of her routines online in 2018. Believe it or not, she didn’t set out to start a body-positive revolution—she just wanted to document her progress and free up some space on her phone.

    But almost instantly, she began to develop a following. No one had ever seen anyone like her pulling off the moves that she could, all with so much personality and showmanship that sucked people in. Not only that, but Dubin displays outstanding power and grace on the ice. If you’ve only ever watched the “prototypical” Olympic skaters perform, what Dubin does almost looks impossible. It’s really amazing to behold.

    One clip in particular recently went mega viral to the tune of over 30 million views:

    @lainedubin

    THE WINNER TAKES IT ALLLLLLLLL?? ? @Emma #figureskating #figureskatingtiktok #iceskating #iceskatingtiktok #plussizefigureskater #figureskatingtiktoks #iceskater #figureskater #adultfigureskater #adultsskatetoo

    ♬ The Winner Takes It All – Mamma Mia Songs

    Dubin has undoubtedly found her people on social media. The responses to her videos could bring tears to your eyes. Not only are viewers in awe of her skill on the ice, they find so much hope and inspiration in what Dubin is doing:

    “Ok but as a bigger Asian girl who has always dreamed of ice skating this made me tear up so proud of you”

    “I NEVER see plus sized rep in figure skating, YOU ARE INCREDIBLE THIS IS SO COOL!!”

    “the fact no one knows how absolutely impressive this is especially with girls our size I love ice skating I’ve been a fan forever the power and strength you need to pull your up and spin like that”

    “wait! someone with my body type figure skating?!!! like a GODDESS may I add, this makes me feel so seen, and like, maybe I could do this with some practice as well!!!!!???”

    “As a plus sized girl who had the idea of figure skating shot down, thank you for making the lil girl in me happy and I’m so damn proud of you. You’re awesome.”

    Comments just like these roll in on Dubin’s videos every single day. But that doesn’t mean that general attitudes across the sport are ready to change.

    Women skaters, especially, are mercilessly mocked, fat-shamed, and picked apart by viewers, coaches, and even judges of the sport. Five-time Olympic medalist Tessa Virtue has dealt with people nitpicking her body her entire career, calling her either too fat or too muscular. Bronze medalist and two-time US National Champion Gracie Gold had to take a hiatus from the sport to get help with an eating disorder. One of the most promising young figure skaters in recent memory, Yulia Lipnitskaya, was forced to retire at just 19 due to anorexia along with injuries.

    There are a lot of factors that contribute to this major problem. The norm is for female skaters in competition to wear incredibly skimpy dresses and outfits that accentuate their form and technique, which would make anyone self-conscious about their body. Canadian skater Kaetlyn Osmond adds that less body mass also helps them achieve sky-high jumps on the ice.

    @lainedubin

    my first rain skate but it was in my coaching skates? #figureskating #iceskating #adultfigureskater #plussize #figureskater ? bry

    ♬ suara asli – ????. – JOHENGAMING | SAHABAT GAMERS

    Dubin is living proof, though, that a plus-sized body can be athletic, graceful, and beautiful. It means so much to all the kids who think they shouldn’t bother pursuing their love of the sport because their own body type will never allow them to fit in.

    “It’s just people seeing representation in the media of themselves being represented first,” Dubin told US Figure Skating in 2023. “That’s what will make people feel validated and that’s what will lead to change with body inclusivity in the skating space.”

    The way she’s racking up millions and millions of views, it’s fair to say she—along with other plus-sized skaters—could have a real, tangible impact on the next generation of skating athletes. The official Olympics Facebook page even shared one of her clips, exposing her moves and her message to a new, massive audience. She was also interviewed on Behind the Skates on YouTube:

    Keep up with Dubin and watch her progress, play, and fashion on TikTok and Instagram and visit her Linktree for even more.

    This article originally appeared in April. It has been updated.

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  • Woman who lost her ‘pretty privilege’ reveals how it changed her perspective on life
    A smiling blonde woman. – Photo credit: via Canva/Photos
    , ,

    Woman who lost her ‘pretty privilege’ reveals how it changed her perspective on life

    ” I instantly felt sad and horrified, because of the cosmic unfairness of life.”

    Tod Perry

    Upworthy Staff

    There is something extremely unfair about people born with great genetics who are extremely attractive. Sure, folks can improve their looks after putting in some work at the gym or learning how to present themselves. But many people we consider conventionally good-looking hit the jackpot by simply being born that way.

    With little effort, these people have an incredible social advantage in life. They are seen as morally virtuous, receive random favors, are always the center of attention, and are more likely to get raises and promotions at work. The funny thing is that many people with pretty privilege don’t realize the incredible advantage they have until it’s gone.

    People with pretty privilege get the social advantage that comes with a lot of people wanting to date them. They also have the advantage of the “halo effect,” where people take one trait, their attractiveness, and use that to make blanket positive assumptions about their intelligence, kindness, and integrity without much evidence.

    What happens when people lose their pretty privilege?

    In a since-deleted post, a woman on Reddit shared how she realized the power that comes with pretty privilege when she gained a lot of weight, and the world immediately began treating her differently.

    “Whether we want to admit it or not, pretty privilege is a thing. And it’s something that I now realize I had for the majority of my life,” the woman wrote in a viral post. “People were usually very nice to me. I got offered perks like drinks at bars and extra attention when I went out. And I was stared at a lot.”

    smiling, woman, pretty, privilege, looks, attraction, beauty
    An attractive woman at a bar. via Canva/Photos

    Things changed for the woman after she had a health condition that required her to take a medication that slowed her metabolism, which resulted in rapid weight gain.

    “The fatter I got, the less attention was paid to me,” the woman continued. “I didn’t notice it at first, but I began to have to ask for customer service at places instead of being offered, and I started to feel invisible, because no one looked at me. No one. People would walk right by and not even acknowledge my existence. It was strange at first, then incredibly humbling. I thought, well, this is the new normal.”

    The power of thin privilege

    It’s important to note that being a certain weight doesn’t automatically make you good-looking. People can look good at any weight. However, it would be naive to believe that thin people don’t have an advantage in this world.

    thin, fitness, measuting tape, waist, thin woman,
    A woman measring her waist. via Canva/Photos

    The drastic fluctuation in the woman’s weight made her conscious of what other people who don’t have the privilege of being pretty or thin go through in life. It allowed her to have greater compassion for people, regardless of how they look.

    “My personality started to change a little,” she wrote. “I began being thankful for any small interaction someone had with me, and responded to any small act of kindness with gratefulness. I noticed other not conventionally pretty people, and other overweight people, and made an effort to talk to them and treat them like they mattered. I became a better person. Not that I wasn’t a good person before, but I was now more aware and empathetic to those around me.”

    The woman soon went off the medication and, just like that, she lost weight, and people began to treat her as they had before.

    Realizing the inequity of pretty privilege

    “The first time I noticed it was when I was in a store looking for something, and a handsome male worker came up to me and asked if I needed help. He looked me in the eyes. I felt like I mattered again,” she continued. “Then I instantly felt sad and horrified, because of the cosmic unfairness of life, that how we look really does determine how people treat us, even though it shouldn’t.”

    smailing man, ahppy man, good-looking man, man in sweater, man holding chin
    A good-looking man holding his chin. via Canva/Photos

    After the woman lost her privilege, she better understood what other people go through. On one hand, she probably enjoys the privilege, but on the other, she feels that the world is much less fair than she once imagined. At least, in the end, it’s taught her to be more empathetic to everyone she meets.

    “And also, when someone looks at me and smiles, no matter who they are, I give them a huge smile back,” she finished her post.

    This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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  • Inside a Dutch ‘dementia village,’ where the whole neighborhood is designed for memory loss
    In a dementia village, people get to choose where they go. – Photo credit: Array
    , ,

    Inside a Dutch ‘dementia village,’ where the whole neighborhood is designed for memory loss

    The Hogeweyk provides a sense of “normalcy” for people living with dementia.

    Annie Reneau

    Upworthy Staff

    No matter how much caregivers may want to keep a loved one with dementia in their home, it’s not always feasible. Living with dementia is not easy, nor is living with someone who has dementia. But moving a loved one with dementia into a traditional care facility isn’t always ideal, either. It can be difficult to find a suitable living situation that ticks all the boxes for what a family and their loved one would want.

    That’s where a “dementia village” comes in as an alternative. Instead of trying to fit a person with dementia into a living situation that either isn’t designed for them or is overly focused on their limitations, a dementia village is an environment designed specifically to help people with severe dementia feel safe and free and live as normal a life as possible.

    The Hogeweyk was the world’s first dementia village, founded in 2009. Since then, the idea has been replicated in dozens of locations all over the world. The concept is quite simple: A full, self-contained neighborhood where people with dementia can walk around freely without fear of getting lost, where everyone from shopkeepers to restaurant servers to salon workers are trained in dementia care, and where people who are losing their memory to dementia diseases are treated as people who still have aspirations.

    Eloy van Hal, one of the founders of the Hogeweyk, explained to Vox how the guiding principle of the village is “normalcy.” Traditional nursing homes keep all residents under one roof, and they are subject to do whatever program the institution provides for them. In the Hogeweyk, people live in small groups of six or seven in apartments with furnishings like they’d have at home. Distinct landmarks in the public space help residents know where they are, and putting a theater, grocery store, barber shop, etc. in separate buildings encourage movement through the neighborhood.

    “It’s about choice, choice, choice, where you want to be during the whole day and with whom,” said van Hal. The idea is to balance safe design with controlled risk, allowing for as much of a normal life as possible.

    dementia, dementia village, elder care, memory care, alzheimer's disease
    Every worker in a dementia village is trained in dementia care. Photo credit: Canva

    The one downside to the village concept, of course, is cost. Without adequate funding assistance from governments, living in a dementia village can be prohibitively expensive.

    Does it really make a difference for residents, though? Has it been proven that outcomes are better than traditional care models? With dozens of villages now being used around the world, research is ongoing, but the data from the Hogeweyk is promising. People in the comments of Vox’s by Design video shared how such facilities have been life-changing for their loved ones and how traditional care doesn’t always meet the needs of people with dementia.

    “My grandmother had dementia and when her caretaker who was my grandfather (her husband) passed unexpectedly we had to scramble to get her into a memory care facility in the US. The first place she was in temporarily was so sad, I could see her spirit drain but after about a year we were able to get her into a “village” and the quality of life difference is nothing short of ASTOUNDING! She could function in a way that was familiar and comfortable to her and not be in a foreign hospital setting. The abrupt change from a home where they are familiar, to a clinical setting must be very disorienting and upsetting to these people. That side of my family had mental health issues and memory loss starts early, so I know it will happen to me to some extent and I only hope I can have people take care of me as well as in this Hogeweyk.”

    “I’ve worked in a nursing home through high school and college. While I can’t say it was the worst place for dementia patients, it certainly did not work well for all of them. One patient once tried to wedge herself through the door begging to go outside with me and I even had patients confide in me that they hated being institutionalized, they missed being able to live a normal life, being part of a real community, and being able to come and go as they pleased. This concept is probably the closest thing possible to a normal life a dementia patient could ever have.”

    dementia, dementia village, elder care, memory care, alzheimer's disease
    In a dementia village, residents can live somewhat Photo credit: Canva

    “A relative of mine used to get aggressive, violent and angry when she would encounter a locked door in the institution she was in. She couldn’t understand why there would be a locked room in what she understood to be ‘her home’, this would take a lot of calming down and management, only for her to discover another locked door, and kick off again. I love these village based models as they allow autonomy for residents, and have an individual experience. Just because someone has a brain disease doesn’t mean they aren’t entitled to the very best care. I hope the govt spends far more on these establishments in the future.”

    “As he said at the end, people with dementia are still people—even if there is proven to be no benefits to this model over a care home, I would much prefer to have dignity in my final days than live in a clinical trap. Love all the incredible ideas the Netherlands come up with.”

    dementia, dementia village, elder care, memory care, alzheimer's disease
    A dementia village is a self-contained neighborhood with shops and places for people to go like a normal neighborhood. Photo credit: Canva

    Dementia care is something Americans are going to have to look at closely. According to The Alzheimer’s Association, the number of people living with Alzheimer’s is set to nearly double from seven million to 13 million by the year 2050. As more of our elders require full-time care, the more we’ll have to consider prioritizing putting resources into things like dementia villages.

    Everyone deserves safety and a good quality of life. The Hogeweyk is a great example of what it looks like to view people with dementia as people first and to care for them accordingly.

    This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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  • Americans share 11 funny times Europeans couldn’t comprehend the size of the United States
    Tourists looking at a map in San Francisco. – Photo credit: via Jo Guldi/Flickr and Canva/Photos
    , ,

    Americans share 11 funny times Europeans couldn’t comprehend the size of the United States

    Wake up in LA and have lunch in San Francisco?

    Tod Perry

    A few years ago, there was an online trend in which Americans posted things the “European mind can’t comprehend,” a series of memes featuring photos of vast spaces, incredibly huge restaurant portions, and Costco shopping sprees, to name a few. It was basically a joke about American grandiosity, which contrasts with more modest European sensibilities.

    A significant difference between the European Union and the United States is size. Europe comprises 47 countries spread across 3,837,083 square miles, and the United States is one country covering 3,796,742 square miles. Therefore, in the U.S., the distance between major cities, especially in the west, is hundreds, if not thousands, of miles. Europeans may casually think that the U.S. is the size of a single country, such as Germany, when in reality, each state is the size of a European country.

    The difference in distance and size leads to some rather funny moments in which Europeans assume they can travel from one coast to another in the same day. Or, at least, to different destinations in the same state in an hour or two. However, this couldn’t be further from the truth.

    A Reddit user on the Casual Conversations subforum shared a funny story about a friend from the UK who thought they could wake up in Los Angeles, drive to the Grand Canyon for a quick hike, and then have dinner back in West Hollywood. In reality, even on a weekend, this round trip would take about 17 hours in the best-case scenario. That’s without factoring in time to hike the canyon. The story inspired other Americans to share funny stories about friends in Europe who seriously underestimated the size of the U.S.

    road trip, touring american, maps, mountains, snow, car
    A tourist takes out their map. viau00a0Canva/Photos

    Here are 11 funny stories about Europeans who misjudged the size of the U.S.

    1. Detroit for the afternoon?

    “Not me, but my grandparents. They’d emigrated from Germany to the US in the late 1920’s while in their 20s. Lived in the NY metro area. Somewhere in the 1960 or 70s or so, they had friends or relatives (I don’t remember which) visiting from the old country who asked if they could perhaps drive to visit other friends of theirs, maybe for afternoon coffee one day… in Detroit. They politely explained that wouldnt work and how far it was…. but chuckled about it for decades after the visit.”

    “Detroit for coffee?! That is a 600-mile latte run.”

    2. Stop by Seattle?

    “Distant relative from Austria was visiting his friend in Connecticut. Asked if he could stop by and see me on his week-long trip. I live in Seattle.”

    3. Stop by Dallas for dinner?

    “My mom speaks Italian and on her way home one year, her plane was about to land in Chicago when she heard the two Italian men behind her excitedly talking about their plans. One said to the other, ‘Okay. We’ll pick up the rental car and then we’ll drive to Dallas for dinner.’ My mom eventually got them to realize that they’d be spending two full days in the car just getting to Dallas if all they did was drive. She suggested they find some food in Chicago instead.”

    dallas, texas, dallas freeway, sallas skyline, dallas sunset,
    The freeway leading into Dallas. via Canva/Photos

    4. Shopping in San Francisco?

    “My uncle is from Hawaii. He thought we could drive from LA to San Francisco to shop that morning and then maybe hit Venice Beach before dinner.”

    5. San Francisco for dinner?

    “Fellow Angeleno here. When I was still in my last retail job, we got a lot of overseas tourists, and it wasn’t unusual for them to not realize how BIG the USA is. One customer asked me ‘We’re thinking about going to San Francisco for dinner. What time should we leave?’ He was so shocked when I explained that San Francisco was about an 8-hour drive with afternoon traffic.”

    It is about 380 miles to get from Los Angeles to San Francisco.

    6. LA, DC, Miami in a single day?

    “I had a group of EU friends who wanted to visit the US for a week. By the time I got out of that 5hr group call, they cancelled the whole trip. They wanted to land in Seattle, spend about 3 hours with me giving them a tour of the city, get a rental car, and explore LA, DC, and Miami all in a single day. The next day, hit up Yellowstone, the Grand Canyon, and mt rainer. The day after, hit up a Buckees for breakfast in Texas, eat lunch in NYC, and have dinner at my place in Seattle with my family, then go to Las Vegas after dinner to go party… Oh, and they only had $500 each (2k total), with plans to individually pay their own way, no travel insurance, and no temporary “travel” phone plans (meaning no phone service OR insured hospital visits if something went wrong). First thing i did when i got added to the call was pull up a pic of the US overlayed on top of Europe, and pointed out where seattle was, and all the other places they wanted to go, in comparison to Europe. Instantly deflated in excitement, then i went into cost of living for each state they wanted to visit.”

    7. 9/11 worries

    “A Scottish family we knew lived in the States during 9/11. They got several concerned calls from friends and family wanting to make sure if they were okay and asking if they could see the Towers. They were in Michigan.”

    8. Why American’s ‘don’t travel’

    “I think this misunderstanding is at the root of a lot of how Europeans can judge Americans for “not traveling.” If it takes someone two hours to get to a different country and it takes me more than two hours to drive across Massachusetts, then the cost and time burdens aren’t equivalent.”

    9. How close is Florida to California?

    “I was in Belfast earlier this year. The woman at the hotel front desk asked how the ‘long drive’ from Dublin was. As Americans, we were like, Oh, it wasn’t bad at all. Everything is a long drive in America. And she said, ‘Yeah, it’s probably like twelve hours from Florida to Cali.’”

    In reality, it would take about 45 hours to drive from San Francisco to Miami.

    10. Walk from Syracuse to NYC?

    “Years ago, a friend in the former Czechia was thinking of going to art school in NY. They were excited that they would be able to study, and have fun in the NYC clubs at night. The school was in Syracuse. It broke both his heart and brain when I told him it would be a 4.5-hour drive to NYC. He was under the impression he could ‘just walk there.’”

    11. Disney to Disney in 6 hours?

    “Had a friend who wanted to rent a car and drive from Disneyland to Disney World. When they told me I immediately started laughing.They had no idea of how big the USA is and thought it might be a 6-hour drive tops.”

    In reality, it would take around 40 hours to drive from Disneyland in Anaheim, California, to Disney World in Orlando, Florida.

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  • ‘Boomer panic’ is a real phenomenon, and the reason for it is heartbreaking
    Boomer panic is real. – Photo credit: Canva
    , ,

    ‘Boomer panic’ is a real phenomenon, and the reason for it is heartbreaking

    This isn’t just young generations bashing the old.

    Tod Perry

    Upworthy Staff

    If you have Boomers in your life, you may have noticed a tendency that seems a bit baffling. Despite being older and theoretically wiser, our elders can sometimes become anxious over seemingly small things.

    In a video posted in September 2023, TikToker @myexistentialdread used the phrase “Boomer panic” to explain how Baby Boomers (1946 to 1964) can quickly become unhinged when faced with the most minor problems. It all started when she visited a Lowe’s hardware store and encountered a Boomer-aged woman working at the check-out stand.

    “I had a dowel that didn’t have a price tag on it, whatever, so I ran back and took a photo of the price tag. And as I was walking back towards her, I was holding up my phone… because I had multiple dowels and that was the one that didn’t have the price tag on it,” she said in the video. “And she looks at me and she goes, ‘I don’t know which one that is,’ and she starts like, panicking.” The TikToker said that the woman was “screechy, panicking for no reason.”

    boomers, baby boomers, aging, getting older, emotional regulation
    Older people can become frustrated over seemingly small things. Photo credit: Canva

    Many people raised by Boomers understood what she meant by “Boomer panic.” “Boomer panic is such a good phrase for this! Minor inconvenience straight to panic,” the most popular commenter wrote. And while there was some unfortunate boomer-bashing in the comments, some younger people tried to explain why the older folks have such a hard time regulating their emotions: “From conversations with my mother, they weren’t allowed to make mistakes and were harshly punished if they did.” The TikToker responded, “A lot of people mentioned this, and it breaks my heart. I think you’re right,” Myexistentialdread responded.

    A follow-up video by YourTango Editor Brian Sundholm tried to explain Boomer panic in an empathetic way.

    “Well, it’s likely that there actually was a reason the woman started panicking about a seemingly meaningless problem,” Sundholm said. “Most of us nowadays know the importance of recognizing and feeling our emotions.” Sundholm then quoted therapist Mitzi Bachman, who says that when people bottle up their emotions and refuse to express them, it can result in an “unhinged” reaction.

    TikToker Gabi Day shared a similar phenomenon she noticed with her Boomer mom; she called the behavior “anxiety-at-you.”

    Day’s Boomer mother was “reactive,” “nervous,” and “anxious” throughout her childhood. Now, she is still on edge with Day’s children. “She’s immediately like gasping and just really like exaggerated physical reactions, and then, of course, that kind of startles my kid,” Day said. “Again, I know that this comes from a place of care. It’s just a lot,” she continued.

    @itsgabiday It comes from a place of love but it is exhausting #millennialmomsoftiktok #boomergrandma #reparenting #gentleparenting ♬ original sound – Bright Body

    There is a significant difference in emotional intelligence and regulation between how Boomers were raised and how younger generations, such as Gen X, millennials, and Gen Z, were brought up. Boomers grew up when they had to bottle up their feelings to show their resilience. This can lead to growing anger, frustration with situations and people, chronic stress, and anxiety—all conditions that can lead to panicky, unhinged behavior.

    Ultimately, Sundholm says that we should sympathize with Boomers who have difficulty regulating their emotions and see it as an example of the great strides subsequent generations have made in managing their mental health. “It may seem a little harsh to call something ‘Boomer panic,’ but in the context of how many of them were raised, it makes a lot of sense,” Sundholm says. “It also underlines the importance of emotional regulation skills and teaching them to future generations. And maybe most important, having compassion for those who never had a chance to learn them.”

    boomers, baby boomer, genreations, compassion, emotional regulation
    Having compassion for older generations can go a long way. Photo credit: Canva

    Psychotherapist Jennifer Gerlach LCSW writes about the emotional reality of how Boomers were brought up and why they deserve our compassion:

    “The progeny of the Greatest Generation. Their youth was a time of prosperity where appearances, ‘keeping up with the Joneses,’ was quite important. Although many of the years following are graced by stereotypes of openness and expression, parenting practices reflected more of a ‘toughness’ than most used today. Phrases like ‘quit crying or I’ll give you something to cry about’ reflected negative reactions to emotional expression. The concept of trauma only reached some ‘capital T’ traumas—sexual assault and war. Many things that we know can be traumatic today were not treated as such. Psychotherapy was stigmatized and kept secret.”

    When we know more about where people from other generations came from, it’s easier to understand and find compassion for them.

    This article originally appeared in March.

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  • Woman without arms shares the 3 ‘compliments’ she wished people would stop saying to her
    Jackie Lopez is eating soup and spouting her truth. – Photo credit: @minjacks on TikTok
    , ,

    Woman without arms shares the 3 ‘compliments’ she wished people would stop saying to her

    “I could never.”

    Erik Barnes

    When she was three years old, Jackie Lopez lost her arms in an accident. Growing into adulthood without those appendages, she has learned and trained to use her legs as arms and her feet as her hands to feed herself, make meals, play video games, wrap Christmas gifts, and any other activity a person could do. Throughout her life, people have remarked about how tough her circumstances are and how strong she is, and to all of those people she has one request: Please stop.

    “Because I don’t have arms, I get these comments a lot and a lot of people think it’s a compliment when it really isn’t. It’s so annoying and irritating to see and hear all the time,” Lopez explained on social media.

    @minjacks

    [my audio got messed up ?]this how I FEEL, maybe other disabled ppl don’t mind but i do. #foryou #disabilitytiktok #disabled #disabilityawareness #imjustagirl

    ♬ me va a costar – Kevin Kaarl

    In her video, Lopez shared the three most common comments she receives as a disabled person that aren’t outwardly or intentionally mean, but annoy and actually hurt her. She prefaced her video saying that, while these comments are mostly her pet peeve and other disabled folks may not mind them, it might be a good idea to not say these things to other disabled people either.

    “I could never…”

    Lopez shared how hearing people say “I could never be like you/use my feet like you/live like you/etc.” really annoyed her because she had no other option but to use her feet as her hands. Saying “I could never” can be interpreted as a form of othering, even though the intention of the comment was good.

    “Oh, my problems are suddenly small.”/ “I should stop complaining about my life.”

    Lopez shared that this type of comment made her feel guilty, both for herself and for those who say it to her. She explains that just because an able-bodied person’s problems are different, it doesn’t invalidate them. Her having no arms doesn’t make the able-bodied person’s problems go away or mean those problems should be unaddressed.

    “Girl, just complain,” said Lopez. “If I were you and I had hands, best believe I would complain, too.”

    @minjacks

    how i play my switch ??✨. #foryou #latina #chapina #armlessgirl #disability #disabilitytiktok #howtotiktok #girlgamer #GamerGirl #nintendo #nintendoswitch #nintendoswitcholed #oledswitch

    ♬ bags – most dope

    “God gives the hardest struggle to the strongest people.”

    This comment really annoyed and hurt Lopez, especially when she was growing up in the church. Aside from the presumption of faith with a comment like this, the framing of it makes it seem like Lopez’s disability was destined or given as some form of divine “test” after going through a life-altering experience.

    “Keep your belief to yourself and don’t put it on me,” she asked. “I went through this, not you.”

    Other comments and thoughts

    Commenters noted how impressed they were by what Lopez could do with her feet, while other commenters immediately replied to them with versions of, “This is the type of stuff she’s talking about.” In spite of that, several other commenters cosigned Lopez’s feelings with some of them sharing “kind” comments that bothered them:

    “While you’re sitting commenting that you ‘couldn’t imagine’ living her life, she’s eating soup and making a TikTok like any other person.”

    “I hate when people say ‘You’re such an inspiration’ like in what way have I inspired you? Are you trying to become disabled?”

    “‘Suddenly my problems are small’, translation ‘I’m happy that I’m not like you and I see you as your struggles.’”

    “‘You’re so strong, I just would’ve died’ Like, oh, okay, so you’d rather choose death than what I went through? What should I do with that information?”

    “Those are very valid points. People need to be more considerate about what they say.”

    “‘I could never.’ Well yeah, it didn’t happen to you, it happened to her and as we can all see she could and can. You aren’t obliged to make fantasy scenarios to be horrified at.”

    “I get so annoyed for you. Even in this current comment section people are saying similar-ish things.”

    “Some of them come from a place of kindness, but like you said, it gets to a point where you need to stop infantilizing and pitying every single disabled person you meet by reminding them that their life and their normal is different to everyone else’s.”

    Lopez’s video went viral, encouraging her to make a second one with even more “compliments” or “nice” comments that she frequently hears that aren’t boosting or helpful at all.

    @minjacks

    if u ain’t disabled stop telling me how i should feel bout these comments. #foryou #disabilitytiktok #disabled #disabilityawareness #imjustagirl

    ♬ Telephones Vacation Slowed – nes (caesars n2 fan)

    She ends her video saying that those types of comments have formed into a type of ableism—and she has a point based on anecdotes from others who are blind, paralyzed, or are otherwise differently-abled. Based on hearing these experiences, it’s best for everyone to stop, slow down, and take an intentional beat to consider their words before saying them—even if they have the best intentions.

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